My son's discovered pornography!

[Corvid]

For the past year or so, I've been keeping tabs on the Web sites my darling 12-, almost 13-, year-old son visits. After all, I knew sooner or later he'd be tipped off by his erudite and worldly friends to the availability on the Web of graphic depictions of human sexuality. But until yesterday it was all theoretical, and his surfing was limited to MiniClip, The Hockey News, and Wikipedia - wholesome, edifying stuff. And then, there it was: PornHub. Really crappy porn, too. Boobs, monster cocks, and pounded whores (yuck). After I shook off the fact that he has really bad taste, and noted with relief that it was heterosexual stuff, I recognized that it was time for a fatherly moment. Somewhere during the second inning of the Phillies/Rays game, I confronted him with his browsing history, stating my views about the pernicious trends in contemporary porn (dregredation and objectivication of women, lack of affection, and the emptyness of sex for the sake of sex). He was predictably mortified and silent, but I think we've started a conversation I can keep up as we encounter related images and ideas in the culture that is open around us (oh yes it is pornified). The boy is growing up.

But practically speaking though, what measures have you as parents taken to either prevent or monitor the viewing of pornography by your children? Have you blocked access, and how? Otherwise, how have you tried to monitor browsing behavior? What approaches have you used to discuss pornography with your kids? I'd really appreciate your sharing any previous experiences you might have had.

[Huzyerdaddi]

First celebrate it. Throw a party. Then innundate him with it. Play porn during breakfast, dinner, and during family time. Subscribe to all the mags....completely swamp him with it. Most importantly, make him think you like it......with this strategy, he'll lose interest and move happily and healthily forward.

[Torin]

I plan on moving my kids to a farm with no internet before they hit puberty.

UGH... I dread the day I have to deal with this from my boys. Luckily, it seems to be a "man job".

I'm interested in the responses, tho. I guess you can never be too prepared. It's shocking how young the kids are that are exploring this, tho. Maybe sex-ed in kindergarten isn't such a bad idea after all. :(

[Corvid]

Then innundate him with it.

Did it work with your kids?

[Huzyerdaddi]

So far so good. My 7 year old is totally bored with it and prefers Spongebob Squarepants.

My 6 year old has developed a bit of a problem with swear words, but it's a harmless side effect.

Did it work with your kids?

[Han Solo]

For the past year or so, I've been keeping tabs on the Web sites my darling 12-, almost 13-, year-old son visits. After all, I knew sooner or later he'd be tipped off by his erudite and worldly friends to the availability on the Web of graphic depictions of human sexuality. But until yesterday it was all theoretical, and his surfing was limited to MiniClip, The Hockey News, and Wikipedia - wholesome, edifying stuff. And then, there it was: PornHub. Really crappy porn, too. Boobs, monster cocks, and pounded whores (yuck). After I shook off the fact that he has really bad taste, and noted with relief that it was heterosexual stuff, I recognized that it was time for a fatherly moment. Somewhere during the second inning of the Phillies/Rays game, I confronted him with his browsing history, stating my views about the pernicious trends in contemporary porn (dregredation and objectivication of women, lack of affection, and the emptyness of sex for the sake of sex). He was predictably mortified and silent, but I think we've started a conversation I can keep up as we encounter related images and ideas in the culture that is open around us (oh yes it is pornified). The boy is growing up.

But practically speaking though, what measures have you as parents taken to either prevent or monitor the viewing of pornography by your children? Have you blocked access, and how? Otherwise, how have you tried to monitor browsing behavior? What approaches have you used to discuss pornography with your kids? I'd really appreciate your sharing any previous experiences you might have had.
LOL....You sound like what might happen to me...not giving him crap for looking at it...but criticizing his taste!! :55

My son is at the age where I keep thinking I oughta look into getting the pay channels blocked and look into how to do that online too, but I just keep putting it off...I know one of these days it's gonna bite me in the ass. But thus far he could give two rips about the computer. My sister in law however has lojac on alll her kids online activities...hell she even had his IM tracked somehow because she knew what girls he was kissing.....that's a little much for me though.

I'm not quite at the point you are yet...but sounds like you are on the right track. There is too much disturbing stuff out there so you have to try to keep as much of that stuff away from them until they are old enough to handle it better I think. They will still find ways to get to it though. But as long as you are talking to him and not making him feel ashamed about it then you are on the right track. If you can be open about it and make him feel like it's not some secret thing to be ashamed of then he'll be more inclined to come to you later on for advice and trust you on the subject. One piece of advice I would give is to make sure that he understands the difference between appreciating the porn versus how he perceives and treats the girls he interacts with everyday. I know that may sound kinda lame in a sense...but there is some pretty nasty, disturbing stuff out there and I just feel like that could really skew a younger persons reality if they are not a little more emotionally prepared to understand it.

Well that's my ramble..

[Corvid]

So far so good. My 7 year old is totally bored with it and prefers Spongebob Squarepants.

With knowledge comes curiosity. I think my boy is starting to feel his oats, but has no idea what they are. My wife and I have been very frank with him about the facts of sex and reproduction, and now, with the influence of his peers and the culture around him, he has some tools to work with. Then add easy access. I don't mind him knowing about sex, in all it's details. It's just that Web porn is a pretty twisted look at human sexuality. I'd rather he got his sexual culture somewhere else.

[Huzyerdaddi]

Ok...a little more advice for ya:

First, when he starts "feeling his oats", you should just leave the room. Secondly, you should try to be yourself when talking to him about sex...but most importantly, don't be Frank, or even bring up the subject of franks or anything remotely shaped like a frank...it'll distract him from whatever sexually cultured point it is you're trying to make.

With knowledge comes curiosity. I think my boy is starting to feel his oats, but has no idea what they are. My wife and I have been very frank with him about the facts of sex and reproduction, and now, with the influence of his peers and the culture around him, he has some tools to work with. Then add easy access. I don't mind him knowing about sex, in all it's details. It's just that Web porn is a pretty twisted look at human sexuality. I'd rather he got his sexual culture somewhere else.

[Krystal]

It's at times like this I'm happy I dont' have kids, lol.

Great post, Han....I was waiting for the sarcasm and there was none....impressive!

[Huzyerdaddi]

Oh, damn!

It's at times like this I'm happy I dont' have kids, lol.

Great post, Han....I was waiting for the sarcasm and there was none....impressive!

[Han Solo]

It's at times like this I'm happy I dont' have kids, lol.

Great post, Han....I was waiting for the sarcasm and there was none....impressive!
Yeah, it was all I could do to NOT ask for the list of sites that his son goes to......ya know just for research purposes is all ;)...........


It would probably be a little tacky at this point so do you mind askin' for me?? thanks buddy :D

[Corvid]

One piece of advice I would give is to make sure that he understands the difference between appreciating the porn versus how he perceives and treats the girls he interacts with everyday.

I think this is exactly it and where I'd like the conversation to go. At some point, the sooner the better, he needs to realize that pornography is made up by individuals with comercial interests and should not be mistaken for his own sense of the erotic. Pretty tall order for a 13 year old.

I got the sense he was pretty confused by what he was seeing, by the way. The books we have, for instance "It's So Amazing," don''t cover blow jobs and huge boobs.

[Krystal]

Yeah, it was all I could do to NOT ask for the list of sites that his son goes to......ya know just for research purposes is all ;)...........


It would probably be a little tacky at this point so do you mind askin' for me?? thanks buddy :D

Sure, I'll ask him for ya.....you want the url to the 'monster cock' website or the 'pounded whore' one?

[Huzyerdaddi]

I'm pretty sure he wants the monster cock one...

...he's into prize roosters and all.

Sure, I'll ask him for ya.....you want the url to the 'monster cock' website or the 'pounded whore' one?

[Krystal]

I'm pretty sure he wants the monster cock one...

...he's into prize roosters and all.

Wow....see....I totally would've pegged him to be the "pounded whore" porn type. :sg

[Han Solo]

I think this is exactly it and where I'd like the conversation to go. At some point, the sooner the better, he needs to realize that pornography is made up by individuals with comercial interests and should not be mistaken for his own sense of the erotic. Pretty tall order for a 13 year old.

I got the sense he was pretty confused by what he was seeing, by the way. The books we have, for instance "It's So Amazing," don''t cover blow jobs and huge boobs.
Yeah, well that's kinda what I meant....we didn't have that kind of access when we were that age.....just my dad's wrinked up playboy's and penthouse that he THOUGHT were hidden well in the garage :D.....but that was so mild compared to what is out there today.........*cough* * cough*...or so I'm told anyway :ok......

But for me...when it comes to that stuff or dealing with your kids I'm just not for teaching them about it with books. I'd rather sit down and talk to him in person about what my experience or thoughts are....I think it sinks in a little more if it comes from someone he looks up to or trusts...has more credibility that way.

[Han Solo]

Sure, I'll ask him for ya.....you want the url to the 'monster cock' website or the 'pounded whore' one?


No, no, no silly girl...I'm already featured on that one so no need :ok

[Huzyerdaddi]

True...he is.

But don't mistake the freakish "monster cock" site with the lusty "monsterous cock" site.

No, no, no silly girl...I'm already featured on that one so no need :ok

[fly]

OMG............

[Kissie]

Wow you have your hands full...when my son came to that age...it was pure hell keeping him away fromt he porn sites.....but then again he was better at computers than me and his ather...so he had us there!!!!!
Only thing I can suggest...is to sit and chat with him...but make sure the wife aint around....
Courisity always kills the cat.....
Good luck!!!!!

[Corvid]

The books are conversation starters. "It's so Amaizing" is great with 6 and 7 year olds. You can read it to them and the questions come. But it's all fairly mechanical, stuff about sperm and eggs and implantation.

There isn't a book that I know of that treats face-fucked whores in a way that makes sense to a pre-teen. As you say, Han, Parenting is the only answer.

[Huzyerdaddi]

Hmmm....sounds like a market opportunity. Let's see, I'll get some polly pockets and some legos and some.....

There isn't a book that I know of that treats face-fucked whores in a way that makes sense to a pre-teen.

[Han Solo]

The books are conversation starters. "It's so Amaizing" is great with 6 and 7 year olds. You can read it to them and the questions come. But it's all fairly mechanical, stuff about sperm and eggs and implantation.

There isn't a book that I know of that treats face-fucked whores in a way that makes sense to a pre-teen. As you say, Han, Parenting is the only answer.

LOL....when do I get to come over for dinner for THAT conversation?? that sounds like a HOOT!!! Good luck with that one!! :D

[92115guy]

This is my take on it. My son isn't anywhere near that age but I was once a kid and I discovered porn (among other things) at a young age too.

So, trying to block sites won't really work. So they can't access it at home. They can access it at any number of other places including their friends house. Besides, kids are pretty technically savvy and I bet your master password isn't that secure (it's not a birthday is it?). Blocking it doesn't really teach them anything but it does give them an incentive to do more searching.

I think the answer is to simply talk about it. Let them know your views on it and ask them what they think of it. Yeah, it's a tall order to expect them to understand the nuances of relationships (and especially sex) but they can understand what's right and wrong.

When I was that age I snuck a peak at naked women whenever I could (heck, who am I kidding? I do that now too) and this is probably all that this is. The bottom line is that at some point they are going to see this stuff. Whether it is in your home today or at school on some kids PSP. There's a saying about "forewarned is forearmed" that I think is applicable here.

Best of luck,
james

[OICurready4me]

There is too much disturbing stuff out there so you have to try to keep as much of that stuff away from them until they are old enough to handle it better I think. They will still find ways to get to it though. But as long as you are talking to him and not making him feel ashamed about it then you are on the right track. If you can be open about it and make him feel like it's not some secret thing to be ashamed of then he'll be more inclined to come to you later on for advice and trust you on the subject. One piece of advice I would give is to make sure that he understands the difference between appreciating the porn versus how he perceives and treats the girls he interacts with everyday. I know that may sound kinda lame in a sense...but there is some pretty nasty, disturbing stuff out there and I just feel like that could really skew a younger persons reality if they are not a little more emotionally prepared to understand it.

Well that's my ramble..

I think you make alot of sense. Alot of the porn on the internet is out there for it's shock value and to make women look like trash. Discussing the difference between these videos and how respectful women want to be treated will hope to keep his reality in check.

[FlirtyGirl1]

Good parenting from the beginning is the key and open lines of communication. My son is 12 (13 in Feb.), my daughter is 8 and my youngest daughter is 3. I started by breastfeeding all three of them and homebirthing the last. My kids KNOW how babies are born and they don't want one. They know that breasts are first and foremost for feeding a baby. My son is so used to seeing breasts that he isn't interested. He has seen mine more than he would want to and he has seen tons of othere women's by attending La Leche League meetings with me for the past 12 years.

I take every alone opportunity to impart some insight into my son's world. We have had car discussions about blow jobs, the bases, etc. He goes to a magnate school that is integrated with a community school that is pretty rough. I figured he would hear it all in the hallways pretty soon. I noticed a friend of his getting pretty handsy with his girlfriend and I took that opening to talk to my son about teenage pregnancy pointing out examples that we see around us. We talk. Every single day. That is the key. I don't force him to make eye contact because he doesn't need to feel embarassed. We talk in the car most of the time so he can look ahead and I can look ahead and he can say whatever he wants. He knows that we have that kind of relationship.

Hope the thoughts of one Mom can help you. :)

[jasonmnusa]

my youngest is 8 and my oldest is 12, i have caught them all playing with themselves... to me it's natural and not a huge deal, so i talked to them about when it's appropriate, that they can not do it to anyone else, and it's in private only. we talked about what sex is, and the risks of it... then it's alot of small enforcement talks, and making sure you are there and available in a non-judgemental way for them.

[RedVixen]

My kids are at the age where curiosity is settling in. They've seen some *mild* porn, I didn't make an issue of it, so neither did they. I think as a parent it's all in the approach - if *you* make a big deal about it, chances are your children will too.

We do have a monitoring system on the kids' computer and have randomly checked it....to be honest, there isn't anything shocking on it :)

[airborne soldier]

I talked to my sons Mother the other day, he is 7. His favorite movie is Transformers and in it there is a scene in which masturbation is being discussed. He looked at his Mother and asked what is masturbation? She told him that she had to discuss it with me. He got on the phone with me and asked what it was. I told him when he gets to junior high that I would discuss it with him. He was so excited because when he gets to Junior High I also promised him a snake if he had good grades. His reaction was "I am so excited, when I get to Junior High I get a snake and get to learn what masturbation is."

[Lacey]

I talked to my sons Mother the other day, he is 7. His favorite movie is Transformers and in it there is a scene in which masturbation is being discussed. He looked at his Mother and asked what is masturbation? She told him that she had to discuss it with me. He got on the phone with me and asked what it was. I told him when he gets to junior high that I would discuss it with him. He was so excited because when he gets to Junior High I also promised him a snake if he had good grades. His reaction was "I am so excited, when I get to Junior High I get a snake and get to learn what masturbation is."



and I couldn't even imagine my 8 year old saying masturbation.....

[MunkyBrain]

First celebrate it. Throw a party. Then innundate him with it. Play porn during breakfast, dinner, and during family time. Subscribe to all the mags....completely swamp him with it. Most importantly, make him think you like it......with this strategy, he'll lose interest and move happily and healthily forward.

I don't know 'daddi...I've been using that strategy on myself since I was 12 and I still haven't lost interest and moved healthily moved forward.

As an aside...I believe the internet has made everything too easy. When I was young I had to steal my dirty magazines.

And where I grew up it wasn't easy to find 'em in the 1st place. A few gas stations in the city had them but they all kept 'em behind the counter.

That pretty much left me either paying some 18 year old a 200% premium to buy me one or, ripping off Waldenbooks at the Timbuktu Mall, which is what I usually did. (For some reason Waldenbooks kept their smut with the rest of the magazines, albeit on the top shelf--even weirder, the magazine rack was pretty far from the counter and right next to the door.)

The selection was pretty limited too. Playboy Penthouse & Hustler. I liked the Hustler's best.

Maybe that's why I never lost interest. It's like that old adage about how ppl can't really appreciate anything unless they actually had to work hard and earn it.

Kids these days have no idea how easy they have it...

[Huzyerdaddi]

They discuss masturbation in Transformers? LOL...I was surprised at first, but now that I think about it, it can be transforming


I talked to my sons Mother the other day, he is 7. His favorite movie is Transformers and in it there is a scene in which masturbation is being discussed. He looked at his Mother and asked what is masturbation? She told him that she had to discuss it with me. He got on the phone with me and asked what it was. I told him when he gets to junior high that I would discuss it with him. He was so excited because when he gets to Junior High I also promised him a snake if he had good grades. His reaction was "I am so excited, when I get to Junior High I get a snake and get to learn what masturbation is."

[Huzyerdaddi]

Point taken...but I gotta say, it's a little wierd when you call me 'daddi'

I don't know 'daddi...I've been using that strategy on myself since I was 12 and I still haven't lost interest and moved healthily moved forward.

As an aside...I believe the internet has made everything too easy. When I was young I had to steal my dirty magazines.

And where I grew up it wasn't easy to find 'em in the 1st place. A few gas stations in the city had them but they all kept 'em behind the counter.

That pretty much left me either paying some 18 year old a 200% premium to buy me one or, ripping off Waldenbooks at the Timbuktu Mall, which is what I usually did. (For some reason Waldenbooks kept their smut with the rest of the magazines, albeit on the top shelf--even weirder, the magazine rack was pretty far from the counter and right next to the door.)

The selection was pretty limited too. Playboy Penthouse & Hustler. I liked the Hustler's best.

Maybe that's why I never lost interest. It's like that old adage about how ppl can't really appreciate anything unless they actually had to work hard and earn it.

Kids these days have no idea how easy they have it...

[airborne soldier]

They discuss masturbation in Transformers? LOL...I was surprised at first, but now that I think about it, it can be transforming


Just for a brief moment and it got in his memory!

[MunkyBrain]

Point taken...but I gotta say, it's a little wierd when you call me 'daddi'

It was a little weird writing it. But I'm a lazy bastard and didn't want to type out your whole weirdly spelled name.

[Huzyerdaddi]

gotcha

It was a little weird writing it. But I'm a lazy bastard and didn't want to type out your whole weirdly spelled name.

[Constance]

My son is only six, so I think I have some time. You never know these days with kids, he already notices pretty girls. I hope this is normal. It could be the influences of his father though. When I met my husband, he had a water bed and the bed had a headboard that had shelves that went to the ceiling. This shelf was filled with porn magazines. I would guess over 300 magazines.
His apartment was like the bachelor pad. Three of is best friends are Detectives and when they were young, they would take away under aged kids liquor, so least to say they had a great stocked bar for themselves.

[airborne soldier]

and I couldn't even imagine my 8 year old saying masturbation.....


Just wait it will shock you and make you laugh..

[fever]

So far my son has recoiled from what he's seen on accidental searches...but that will change soon, I'm sure. Thanks in advance for the pearls of wisdom on this thread!

[Luna]

My boys are 7 and 5, but I do worry about them happening-upon images that may be confusing or disturbing for them. I have no problem with them being curious about nudity, and I think I will be able to handle the touching themselves issue with a healthy attitude.

My 9 year old nephew was given a pretty innocent word.. "boobs" or something.. by a sort of trouble-making buddy. My sister found the piece of paper beside the computer and did a google to see what came up. It was a close-up of a man with another man's junk in his mouth. Hardly what you would expect when googling a word any 9 year old boy might be curious about. Poor kid burst in tears when she gently brought it up with him. Hearing about it broke my heart for him, and scared me as well.

I think access to the internet is dangerous, and I will try to protect my boys from it as long as I can. I will hope that when the time comes they are exposed to anything confusing or disturbing that they will be ready to deal with it.

Playboy and Penthouse.. I would happily hand over compared to some of the confusing images and material that is on the internet.

[FizProf]

When My 18 year old daughter turned 13 we put her through the "Our Whole Lives" program at the Unitarian church (and we opted out of what passes for sex ed in Utah since it was a joke). I probably learned more about sex at the "intake" session that included the parents ...and that was the "tame version". The course (which was the "short" version) lasted 13 weekends.

Our daughter has not been shocked by much since and we have not worried about her engaging in unsafe sex: My wife buys her condoms and even gave her a vibrator for her 16th birthday (I really rather not have known about this actually)...and I'm voted "Best Dad" for buying and picking up her nuvi-ring...(I declined to learn from the pharmacist on how to insert it and took her up on the offer for my daughter to call her)...

We did not panic when she took a girl to the prom...
We're a little upset she's dating a 30 yr old "boy"...(but keeping mostly quiet)
...
She tells us she is still a virgin...Welll we will choose to believe that I guess...
since she currently gets good advice from a therapist and my wife's OB/GYN...

[OICurready4me]

It was a little weird writing it. But I'm a lazy bastard and didn't want to type out your whole weirdly spelled name.

Just call him Huz then....that is even shorter than daddi

[airborne soldier]

When My 18 year old daughter turned 13 we put her through the "Our Whole Lives" program at the Unitarian church (and we opted out of what passes for sex ed in Utah since it was a joke). I probably learned more about sex at the "intake" session that included the parents ...and that was the "tame version". The course (which was the "short" version) lasted 13 weekends.

Our daughter has not been shocked by much since and we have not worried about her engaging in unsafe sex: My wife buys her condoms and even gave her a vibrator for her 16th birthday (I really rather not have known about this actually)...and I'm voted "Best Dad" for buying and picking up her nuvi-ring...(I declined to learn from the pharmacist on how to insert it and took her up on the offer for my daughter to call her)...

We did not panic when she took a girl to the prom...
We're a little upset she's dating a 30 yr old "boy"...(but keeping mostly quiet)
...
She tells us she is still a virgin...Welll we will choose to believe that I guess...
since she currently gets good advice from a therapist and my wife's OB/GYN...


:wy:wy:wy

WOW you are the best Dad in the world.... I would have shot the 30 y/o "boy"...

[OICurready4me]

I think, as Americans, we have always had thrust upon us by society and the laws of the land that nudity is a bad thing, unlike many of the nations in Europe. Because of that, psychologically, as children growing up, there is always a curiousness that we have that gets peaked when adults make a big deal about something. The "forbidden fruit" is the analogy I think of for instance.

If a parent says "don't touch" to a hot stove, what did we do? We touched it. The same with a newly frosted cake.... didn't we swipe our finger across the frosting even though Mom said, "don't touch the cake?" Of course we did. It is a sort of rebellion but it is also a test of the waters since someone doesn't want them to do something. I think sex falls within the same parameters.

Kids will get curious about their own body and the opposite sexes body as they get older and that curiousness will grow stronger and the needs to find out will also increase the more those questions they have don't get answered or if they are given answers like sex is a bad thing. I think that just makes them want it more. Sitting down and discussing things on a matter of fact basis, giving them facts instead of what their friends will most likely tell them, puts them into a different frame of mind.

As an adult, I think it is imperative for us to teach children what is right and wrong with sexual relationships. By breaking it down into the meaning behind the decision to have sex with someone and broaching the subject of porn and why people do what they do in those videos and pictures. If done in the proper non-threatening context, I feel that the child will accept the answers that are given and open themself up to further questions to and from the parent, as long as the comfort factor is there. It is when a child is threatened because they did something wrong or you treat it as a bad thing (if it really isn't, by your very own actions), they will rebel even more. Keeping discussions about porn, sex, drugs, drinking and keeping the discussion "real", I feel, will enhance the relationship you have with your children and also provide the impetus to a healthy lifestyle as they mature to adulthood whereby, they can make good, adult decisions from a good foundation.

[OnceAKing]

With knowledge comes curiosity. I think my boy is starting to feel his oats, but has no idea what they are. My wife and I have been very frank with him about the facts of sex and reproduction, and now, with the influence of his peers and the culture around him, he has some tools to work with. Then add easy access. I don't mind him knowing about sex, in all it's details. It's just that Web porn is a pretty twisted look at human sexuality. I'd rather he got his sexual culture somewhere else.

Really? 12 going on 13 and you think he's just beginning to feel his oats? He must have had a really sheltered life to this point..no wonder his curiosity is getting to him... My god at that same age I was sleeping with a 21 year old married woman...yeah I was really feeling my oats...and her's too.

Funny thing, porn never did interest me very much...I wanted the real thang.

[scoobertina]

Point taken...but I gotta say, it's a little wierd when you call me 'daddi'
yeah, I found it weird when you called yourself daddi last night...

[Sneaky]

When my step-son started going through that age it was just when people had started chatting and cybering and the adults (well us anyways) weren't really as aware of what it was all about.

Opening the discussion, being honest, and not making him feel ashamed and explaining the difference between what porn displays and treating women respectfully are all very important as others have mentioned. Once they reach this age this is where your years of good parenting are going to pay off. If you have that trusting relationship in place hopefully they are going to feel they can come to you. It won't be with everything..but enough for you to be able to gage what is going on.

Yes, kids can get those images in other places, just like alchohol, drugs, and everything else we try to protect them from. Even then the music videos out all had women barly clothed shaking thier booties for the camera....those send a message too.

Some of my better discussions with him on those subjects came up when I didn't initiate the conversation. They came in quiet down time when we were making dinner or just talking about our day and he would mention something and it would open up a deeper conversation. Sometimes he'd share stuff I didn't want to know (like his friends that had already had sex at 15 or one bringing some underwear to a party to prove he "scored".) :yks

[Corvid]

Thanks, Sneaky. Indeed thanks to all for you thoughts and positive messages. My wife and agree, and it's the jist here too I think, that monitoring and conversation on the best strategy.

It's true, the sexual messages come to our kids from all corners and we can't make it go away. We can only prepare them for it.

[tallguy32]

You've already got some great advice here so i'll just add that education is more important than information

[upstr84u]

Corvid:
Only thing i did not understand
why why you picked the 2nd inning of the game to bring this up

[upstr84u]

:wy:wy:wy

WOW you are the best Dad in the world.... I would have shot the 30 y/o "boy"...

me and airborne are on the same page :nu
I would have held him down for you
then helped toss the body :okpals thinking the same thing

[lilolekimba67(f)]

mine has done it caught him too. I would come into the house and he would jump real quick and change site

[Huzyerdaddi]

For those of us who are parent's, we're all very proud of our children, Corvid. But this one crosses the line. Pornography has been around for a very long time. I wouldn't go around telling people your son discovered it. They probably won't believe.

[Corvid]

For those of us who are parent's, we're all very proud of our children, Corvid. But this one crosses the line. Pornography has been around for a very long time. I wouldn't go around telling people your son discovered it. They probably won't believe.

I'll save my pride for the time when the budding hacker in him defeats my attempts to monitor his browsing.

Sooner or later he'll figure how incredibly easy it is to use the the Firefox 'porn mode' and not write entries into the history log. It seems there is no reasonable way to lock down that file (actually an SQLite database that stores both the history and bookmarks. Pretty cool). There is quite a lot of monitoring software available (google 'internet monitor'). A lot is creepy spyware that will keep tabs on everything: email, chat, programs launched. Some even have keystroke recorders. Most programs are targeted at insecure managers and paranoid parents (eg http://www.guardiansoftware.com). I really don't think chat and email are all that dangerous. And I find that level of intrusiveness pretty despicable, frankly. Most are $35 or so, and that seems like a lot for very little. If anyone knows of a lightweight monitoring solution, please chime in!

[vicarious]

My two cents:

I think you've done right by opening and starting dialogue. It shows that you're not necessarily scolding him, or condeming...you're acknowledging that he's interested in sex and women. Perfectly healthy. Off topic: I think us Americans are too uptight about sexuality.

Anyway, I think your approach about mistreatment of women is right on. There are lots of different kinds of porn and explaining that women shouldn't be mistreated is good.

As far as blocking, there are lots of different ways. Most wireless routers/firewalls have the ability for you to block certain sites. There are also software packages that block content:

These two are PC Mag's top choices:

Net Nanny: www.netnanny.com (http://www.netnanny.com)
Safe Eyes 5.0: http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-eyes-parental-control-software.php
[/URL]
PC Mag Review of 12 products: [URL]http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2272565,00.asp (http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2142463,00.asp)

[Penny]

Thats one reason I want to keep this site PG13 or less. I dont want kids coming here and seeing things they shouldnt :(

[coug511]

They all are curious, we were too. Being open to discussion and not condemnation is the key. All they want is knowledge.

[Thumpintwin]

LOL...I caught my son about a year ago......he's 12 now!!!!! Don't really rmember what I said other than "Be careful, don't click on any buttons, and remember that for these women it's a job...nothing more." But I definitely have been a little more aware of the people and kids in his life.

I can't wait til he starts taking an interest in washing his own sheets........:yks

[Psynge]

I had a friend with a teen aged son, he blocked the pron sites, but the son figured ways around it. But in the process became a computer wizard and now has a good job with computers.....