need advice

[italian_princess0420]

i dont know how to start this...ok, ryan and i have our own bank accounts i mean we share the accounts, anyways, as OCD as i am i keep things in a good order as much as i can. ryan messes things up a bit:( , but thats not what i need advice on. A few years ago things went down w/my family and my dad went to jail.."thank god":D. Well my mom and i havent been close, and it got worse after that situation. Well ryan lives w/me and my mom, and he talks to her, but he dont share "all" of our info. He talks to her because i dont talk to my mom. I rather not share info w/her unless i need to. Well if she wants to find out whats goin on she goes to ryan. Anyways, today i got paid and she didnt, so ryan and i go and put the money into the bank and come home. I keep all the bank statements in the car, because later i will come back and have ryan burn them so no one can get our info off them. Well today i got out the car, grabbed 3 w/draw receipts, 2 bank statements and 1 receipt from a bill i had paid. I "being the OCD that i am" put them in order from the above that i listed, "no joke". I folded em up a certain way and put it in the room. I didnt think much of it, but we went to sandys house for dinner and a few hours came home. I walked in the room and i immediately knew thoses papers had been moved and read. I gave em to ryan and we went to wal mart and he gave em to me to look at, sure enough 1 of the bank w/draws was not the way i had it, and when i picked em up off the table in the bed room, they had been moved from where i had placed them just before we left to sandys house. So the advice i need is, what can i do to prevent my mom from doin that crap again. I mean yeah i dont tell her eerythin...but damn..that dont mean go in our room and read bank statements...thats goin too far. Oh and when she comes in the room for somethin..as shes about to leave she will turn around facing the door...and look around the room "plain as day" lookin for somethin..like what i dont know...used condoms? yeah...right. money? maybe, but im not that dumb. One day she was doin that and ryan almost said "did ya find what u are lookin for?" errr this annoys me

[spare_change]

Move.

[Zifnab]

Move.
I agree, not a thing else you can do in this situation. Under her roof, her rules....

[Cotties]

Move Princess
ya getting to old for her bullshit

[KIRA187]

1) Is there reason(s) that you and ryan live with your mom?

2) Can the both of you afford to be on your own together?

3) Do you pay rent to your mom?

4) Even though your relationship with your mom is rather strained do you feel able to speak to her about having more privacy?

5) You just might have to consider moving out.

[italian_princess0420]

ryan and i have been thinkin about moving out awhile ago...but we dont have enough money right now and we have 3 chihuahuas. we have been lookin, but most places dont allow pets, and if they do their prices are crazy. just a matter a fact today ryan and i stopped by an apt complex and they didnt allow pets but their price was $250 for a one bedroom, the place looked nice. It was reciently built, about 7 months ago.

[Zifnab]

ryan and i have been thinkin about moving out awhile ago...but we dont have enough money right now and we have 3 chihuahuas. we have been lookin, but most places dont allow pets, and if they do their prices are crazy. just a matter a fact today ryan and i stopped by an apt complex and they didnt allow pets but their price was $250 for a one bedroom, the place looked nice. It was reciently built, about 7 months ago.so are the dogs equal to your mother? or can you find someone to keep them for you till you can afford a place that allows pets?

[italian_princess0420]

KIRA187]1) Is there reason(s) that you and ryan live with your mom? yeah because we dont have enough money to move out...we would LOVE to move, i would give ANYTHIN to move..u have NO idea whats its like here, bugs all in the kitchen, and other crap. Ryan and i hardly cook in there because of it, and we love to cook together.

2) Can the both of you afford to be on your own together? we would once we have enough money saved up

3) Do you pay rent to your mom? nope, but ryan said once he gets a job, he said hes goin to give her $50 bucks a month...i told him NO. that money goes into food. She DOES NOT know how to shop right. My mom buys ALOT of junk food and crap. And if ryan just gave her that 50 bucks i know she will spend it on cigs and junk food.

4) Even though your relationship with your mom is rather strained do you feel able to speak to her about having more privacy? right now i dont like to speak to her at all unless i have to...i dont know, i guess i dont feel right talkin to her anymore, ryan does all the talkin w/her, thats his choice

5) You just might have to consider moving out.

[italian_princess0420]

what do u mean..are the dogs equal to my mom?

[Zifnab]

what do u mean..are the dogs equal to my mom?is having the dogs equal to thetroubles you have with your mom?

[italian_princess0420]

not really...they are good dogs, my female chihuahua has a lil barkin problem when straners come to the house...but other then that shes fine...and as to your other question...im sure someone we know could keep em until we find some place to live...but i wouldnt wanna to that to em...and i only know one person who i know that will take good care of em and thats sandy "mywifemark", but my female just had 3 pups in Jan, and they are still too lil to sell, but we are keepin one and so is my mom...but i wouldnt wanna push our dogs on sandy...she is already takin care of jess's doxie, and they have a lil puppie of their own.

[Zifnab]

unfortunatly there is your answer...

[italian_princess0420]

what...takin the dogs w/us?

[Zifnab]

what...takin the dogs w/us?if you can afford it by all means other wise you will have to continue to deal with things until you can..

[italian_princess0420]

yeah i know...errrr but it just pisses me off

[Zifnab]

yeah i know...errrr but it just pisses me off
lol as I tell my son, it will until you are the one in charge... then it just hurts you...

[italian_princess0420]

yeah true...but do u think that it was right for what she did...snoopin like she does?

[Zifnab]

yeah true...but do u think that it was right for what she did...snoopin like she does?what we think is unimportant unfortunately, her house, her rules....

[Sandy]

the only thing you kids can do id buy a strong box, and put your private papers in it. make sure you take the keys with you at all times. :wa:

[surfnchat]

the only thing you kids can do id buy a strong box, and put your private papers in it. make sure you take the keys with you at all times. :wa:

Yep. If there's something you want to keep private, lock it up and keep the key with you. And if you share the same computer without a password log-in, assume she's reading this message right now.

[italian_princess0420]

she dont even know how to use a comp..and ive got everythin on passwords, she can guess them in a million years

[surfnchat]

she dont even know how to use a comp..and ive got everythin on passwords, she can guess them in a million years

Hmmm... You might of solved your problem. Maybe you can switch to on-line banking and go with paperless statements e-mailed to you. Most companies prefer that since it saves them a ton of money on postage and paper. Yes, there's still some paper with paychecks and stuff, but you maybe can cut down on the amount you have to lock up.

[italian_princess0420]

online banking? how do u do that..like how does it work also?

[sweetgapeach]

Hmmm... You might of solved your problem. Maybe you can switch to on-line banking and go with paperless statements e-mailed to you. Most companies prefer that since it saves them a ton of money on postage and paper. Yes, there's still some paper with paychecks and stuff, but you maybe can cut down on the amount you have to lock up.


Thats true , but now they also keep the checks , and keep records up to 3 years , so you wouldnt have to worry about Statements or Checks , just keep up with the deposit slips untill money clears

[surfnchat]

It's not as hard as it sounds. I walked into my branch and asked since I heard the commericals on the radio. They gave me a sheet with all the steps to do it. All you need to do is go to the bank's website and sign up. There, you will need to create a username and password and confirm some key information (for example, account #s, last 4 of SSN, etc.). I guess it would depend on the bank, but it took me 10 minutes to set it up. I keep the paper statements coming, but I have the option to stop them.

I hope this helps. :)

[italian_princess0420]

so u can just go to the bank anytime and take out money and put it in as usual...but all the papers are online instead?

[surfnchat]

so u can just go to the bank anytime and take out money and put it in as usual...but all the papers are online instead?

Putting money in would leave a paper trail since you would either have to fill out a deposit slip (or get a non-negotiable check if you do direct deposit). But taking money out would be easy. Just use any ATM. You can also make deposits at ATMs too. Plus, with a check card, you don't need to worry at most places of filling out a check. The transaction would appear on your statement.

I'd go to my branch and ask all about it. I'd be willing to bet they'd walk you through the process and answer any questions you have about it. If not, time to switch banks. :D

[italian_princess0420]

yeah i see what u mean...thanks for suggesting it

[surfnchat]

yeah i see what u mean...thanks for suggesting it

No problem! I hope I helped. :wa:

[italian_princess0420]

ya did

[KIRA187]

It sounds like you needed to vent.....

The banking suggestions are good. If you wait until you have enough money saved up, that time might be a while. That is a catch 22... there is always unexpected things that come up that requires money for something. Ryan getting a job would be a good thing, extra income always helps. Tell Ryan to keep his money if your mom is not a good shopper.
If you can find a place that you and ryan can afford but no pets, I guess you have to decide what you want more. The dogs or your your own place?
Good Luck to you and Ryan.

KIRA187]1) Is there reason(s) that you and ryan live with your mom? yeah because we dont have enough money to move out...we would LOVE to move, i would give ANYTHIN to move..u have NO idea whats its like here, bugs all in the kitchen, and other crap. Ryan and i hardly cook in there because of it, and we love to cook together.

2) Can the both of you afford to be on your own together? we would once we have enough money saved up

3) Do you pay rent to your mom? nope, but ryan said once he gets a job, he said hes goin to give her $50 bucks a month...i told him NO. that money goes into food. She DOES NOT know how to shop right. My mom buys ALOT of junk food and crap. And if ryan just gave her that 50 bucks i know she will spend it on cigs and junk food.

4) Even though your relationship with your mom is rather strained do you feel able to speak to her about having more privacy? right now i dont like to speak to her at all unless i have to...i dont know, i guess i dont feel right talkin to her anymore, ryan does all the talkin w/her, thats his choice

5) You just might have to consider moving out.

[Rainmaker]

Princess-i do all of my banking online now-its convenient and not alot of paperwork

U will Love it!!

[goodgirl12]

Things will get better with your mom
you and ryan need to move
for things will get better
As far as Ryan and the $50.00 to your mom thats her bizz
after all it's her house that your living in rent free
I live with my mom and I pay her rent
It's the right thing to do

[sweetgapeach]

Things will get better with your mom
you and ryan need to move
for things will get better
As far as Ryan and the $50.00 to your mom thats her bizz
after all it's her house that your living in rent free
I live with my mom and I pay her rent
It's the right thing to do

I agree with the Living rent free , its your Mom's house, something should be paid . I dont want to sound mean , but as a Mother, I see it as this, You want to be an Adult , you live like one , pay rent , pay your own bills , but to think its alright to live rent Free , thats not how the world works .

[Rainmaker]

Things will get better with your mom
you and ryan need to move
for things will get better
As far as Ryan and the $50.00 to your mom thats her bizz
after all it's her house that your living in rent free
I live with my mom and I pay her rent
It's the right thing to do

i have to agree with the rent issue---my parents died when i was a child and i moved from house to house till i ended up living with my best friend and her mom-i had a job and was getting a SS check since parents had passed-i always helped on the rent-phone-food and anything else that mighthave come up----so even though u may not want to hear it.......its your moms house has and she pays the bills-so she has free reign throughout the house.....im sure u and your guy will find something nice soon that will allow pets....u can scan the areas on your pc---whatever u do --goodluck!:55

[sweetgapeach]

i have to agree with the rent issue---my parents died when i was a child and i moved from house to house till i ended up living with my best friend and her mom-i had a job and was getting a SS check since parents had passed-i always helped on the rent-phone-food and anything else that mighthave come up----so even though u may not want to hear it.......its your moms house has and she pays the bills-so she has free reign throughout the house.....im sure u and your guy will find something nice soon that will allow pets....u can scan the areas on your pc---whatever u do --goodluck!:55

I agree , been on my own since sixteen , always have had to pay my way . I think someone that has a roof over there head should be Thankful just for that, and do whats need to help , wether you clean , cook , anything that helps out.
And always remember Parents are people too, not perfect with the decisions made , but always does what they think is best, right or wrong

[spare_change]

I'm curious, though, Princess --- how come your boyfriend doesn't have a job? Is he just living off you and your mother?

[sweetgapeach]

I'm curious, though, Princess --- how come your boyfriend doesn't have a job? Is he just living off you and your mother?


Ok , I am going to say one more thing, I was thinking the same. One thing I have always believed , is that the Man in my house is going to work , I dont care if he cuts lawns to bring something in . Call me southern , old Fashion , but not a time in my life will a man live off me , or let my mother take care of my responablities . He has got to do something , I assume he is close to your age , He is old enough to know better , and He really needs to show he can take care of you, since there is a marriage thats suppose to take place .
I am not being mean , just stating my thoughts .

[goodgirl12]

Thank you

[Penny]

Both my daughters are going out with guys that dont even own a car :(



I'm curious, though, Princess --- how come your boyfriend doesn't have a job? Is he just living off you and your mother?

[Sandy]

ok guys , ryan's trying to get a job, but we live in a small town, and its realy hard to find work.

[Rainmaker]

ok guys , ryan's trying to get a job, but we live in a small town, and its realy hard to find work.

too bad u guys dont live here-we r hiring

[goodgirl12]

Don't worry everything
will be ok