The Art Of Farting

[tiger50]

The Kookaburra Fart

Only found in orstralia, the kookaburra fart invariably makes people laugh. It starts out going AH AH AH then moves smoothly to OO OO OO and concludes with a wonderfully long and evocative (sometimes with a touch of echo) AH AH AH AAAAAAAAAAH.
Early settlers were somewhat confounded by the kookaburra fart, with its overtones of eucalyptus and dead snakes, but it is now recognised as authentically orstralian, and even the National Parks and Wildlife Service is getting in on the act. SAVE THE KOOKABURRA FART posters are now available from your local Wildlife Services headquarters, so give them a call.

[Zifnab]

congrats on your own national fart..... wanker

[tiger50]

a survey


surveyed, say they fart, lied, actually fart, % of total

men 50,000 48,917 0 48,917 97.8%

women 50,000 553 49,922 52,122 104.2%

Of course women fart, although some better than others, and many of their flatulant deeds have been recorded in famous limericks.

stay tuned:D :lmao

[Sunfiresix]

Our own resident Fart authority, and sniffer. Congrats, you got a title Tiger, Ya old Fart you....

[tiger50]

The volkswagon fart


fartin in cars is bad news at the best of times, but farting in a volkswagon is unsociable in the extreme.
the volkswagon fart is therefore one of the worst of the genre, and is to be discouraged. we have been preaching the simple right of all, which is to fart when an where you feel like it, but farting in the back seat of a veedub simply isnt fair.. :D

[tiger50]

The Matronly fart


There was an old lady from kent. who farted wherever she went.
she went to the fair,
and dropped a few there,
so they plugged up her arse with cement.

[Cotties]

What to do with you Tiger?

[tiger50]

What to do with you Tiger?

hands orf cotties...:nu :nu

[Shiane]

Fid
Fad
Fiddy Fad
Poot
Granny Poot
Rip Gut
Tear Ass

[Rainmaker]

i have seen it all now.... an official fart thread-LOL

[spjimbo]

Why is it when you are a baby and you fart everyone thinks its cute and funny but when your an adult and you do it your a pig?

[spjimbo]

I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03

[Rainmaker]

I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03


:lmao i know i would have volunteered for that video.......not!!

[Sandy]

thanks for the laugh this morning, i'm just glad i wasn't holding my coffee. :lmao











I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03

[sweetgapeach]

I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03



Lmao My kids will love this !!:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

Types of People who Fart:



VAIN PERSON :ONE WHO LOVES THE SMELL OF HIS OWN
FART

AMBITIOUS :ALWAYS READY FOR A FART

LAZY :JUST FIZZLES

AMIABLE :LIKES TO SMELL OTHER'S FARTS

PROUD :THINKS HIS FARTS ARE EXCEPTIONALLY
PLEASANT

SHY :BLUSHES WHEN HE FARTS SILENTLY

CARELESS :FARTS IN CHURCH OR AT GLOW OF LOVE IN
THE ROOM

SMART ALEC :FARTS WHEN LADIES ARE PRESENT

CLEVER :FARTS AND COUGHS AT THE SAME TIME

SCIENTIFIC :BOTTLES HIS FARTS

STINGY :BELCHES TO SAVE HIS BUTT-HOLE

TIMID :JUMPS WHEN HE FARTS

CONCEITED :THINKS HE CAN FART THE LOUDEST

UNFORTUNATE :TRIES TO FART BUT POOPS IN HIS PANTS
INSTEAD

FOOLISH :SUPPRESSES A FART FOR HOURS

BEWILDERED :CAN'T TELL HIS OWN FART FROM OTHERS
(that's me!0

NERVOUS :STOPS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FART

MISERABLE :CAN'T FART AT ALL

CONFUSED :FACE IS SO MUCH LIKE A BUTT,FART CAN'T
TELL WHICH WAY TO GO

GROUCHY :GRUMBLES WHEN LADIES FART

SNEAKY :FARTS AND THEN BLAMES IT ON SOMEONE ELSE

DISAPPOINTED :FART DOESN'T SMELL

CHILDISH :FARTS AND THEN GIGGLES

FRESH GUY :JUMPS IN FRONT OF YOU AND THEN FARTS

BIG BULLY :HOLDS YOU DOWN AND THEN FARTS IN YOUR
FACE

DUMB :ENJOYS OTHER FARTS, THINKING THEY ARE HIS
OWN

SICK :SMELLS YOUR FART AND THEN TELLS YOU WHAT
YOU WERE EATIN'

[tiger50]

The Bathtub fart

This is one of the very best of all farts, except perhaps, when saving water by bathing with a friend. It is a three-dimensional fart, which is quite rare. Not only can u hear it and well, smell it, you can actually see it, which can be quite exciting. Tiny bubbles, sometimes, at others a vesuvius-like rumble followed by a tidal wave which washes tha rubber ducky right out of tha bath.
We now know that Archimedes was a bath farter.
Remember his cry of EUREKA!! as he sat in his bath.

[Zifnab]

I just like to rip out a good old room clearing foghorn fart every now and again.

[tiger50]

I just like to rip out a good old room clearing foghorn fart every now and again.

think urs wud be a fairy fart... will post that one later... :lmao :lmao :lmao

[Zifnab]

think urs wud be a fairy fart... will post that one later... :lmao :lmao :lmaodon't think you'll hurt yourself. you are starting to remind me of someone.......hmmmwonder who???:nu

[tiger50]

BTW which one of u buggers farted and blew over half of queensland... :nu

[Zifnab]

BTW which one of u buggers farted and blew over half of queensland... :nuobviously wasn't a FAIRY fart! wanker!

[tiger50]

obviously wasn't a FAIRY fart! wanker!

Tha Fairy Fart.............................................. ................for zif

Said to be tha softest an sweetest of farts, tha faintest rustle of thistledown on a summers day, tha flutter of gossamer wings, tha merest honeyed whisper.
Pffft, pssseeee.
It reminds us of Cecil and Cedric watchin the hefty brewey worker unloading his truck. As he dumps a great keg to tha ground he lets rip with a crackling fart and cecil says to Cedric: "Oh , Cedric, a virgin."

[tiger50]

The Absolute Rip Snorter

This is a mans world kind of fart, the dawn buster, the volley of cannon before the blood-surging ride into tha valley of death, tha rat-tat-tat of the regimental drum. There's more than a hint of devil-may-care about tha rip snorter and a whiff of gunpowder too, an up-an-at-'em lads reverberation issued by sar'nt-majors before they all go over tha top. Now more usually heard over pool tables in city bars, or among victorious spectators at football matches.

[Zifnab]

Tha Fairy Fart.............................................. ................for zif

Said to be tha softest an sweetest of farts, tha faintest rustle of thistledown on a summers day, tha flutter of gossamer wings, tha merest honeyed whisper.
Pffft, pssseeee.
It reminds us of Cecil and Cedric watchin the hefty brewey worker unloading his truck. As he dumps a great keg to tha ground he lets rip with a crackling fart and cecil says to Cedric: "Oh , Cedric, a virgin."obviously not one of mine!

[Norfolkdave]

What you guys want to experience is the wonderous fart of the British, a real whopping spreader, can be heard from outer space, Nasa used it to redirect the shuttle.

[tiger50]

What you guys want to experience is the wonderous fart of the British, a real whopping spreader, can be heard from outer space, Nasa used it to redirect the shuttle.

fark.. reelie.. now a wudnt be bullshittin me mate??????:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

fark.. reelie.. now a wudnt be bullshittin me mate??????:lmao

No honest, they used the fart to redirect the shuttle to dock with the station:lmao

http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/jmc0032l.jpg

[tiger50]

No honest, they used the fart to redirect the shuttle to dock with the station:lmao

http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/jmc0032l.jpg

aww fark houston av a problem.... :lmao :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

aww fark houston av a problem.... :lmao :lmao
They have a problem, Im straining for the biggest wobbler:lmao

[tiger50]

They have a problem, Im straining for the biggest wobbler:lmao

yeh bugger i can c tha veins satandin out on tha forehead, careful ye dont shit yaself,,, :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

yeh bugger i can c tha veins satandin out on tha forehead, careful ye dont shit yaself,,, :lmao

Got my cow horn handy seating just at the entrance, my pooperscooper ready to collect from the walls, and the rumblings are deep within

http://www.fartfarm.com/assets/images/head.jpg:lmao

[tiger50]

aww fark.. umm mate get ya ead outta ya arse.....

[Norfolkdave]

I know Im just looking to seee where the flatuance tube is, I still feel the rumble just got be careful I dont kiss my arse goodbye then I have a problem

[Cotties]

it may be the self aware factor the baby lacks;) Why is it when you are a baby and you fart everyone thinks its cute and funny but when your an adult and you do it your a pig?

[tiger50]

hey.. i feel like a good fart... anyone wanna join in?????:whee:

[Norfolkdave]

hey.. i feel like a good fart... anyone wanna join in?????:whee:

Jesus what is this brother a congregation of wind seekers, I,ll join ya, we need to clear the air LOL LOl LOL :lmao :lmao

[tiger50]

ok hoss waitin for ur contribution... :D

[hoss]

What is a fart and why does it smell?

Ever pull someone's finger and hear a weird noise come out of his or her butt?

Ever sit in a tub of water and see bubbles come out of your hiney?

This strange noise and vibrating sensation that came from your butt is most likely caused by a fart.

A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus.

The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs.

A scientific name for a fart is flatus or flatulence.

The word fart is just one of many different terms used to describe the release of gasses from the human body. Other popular names for farts or farting include: gassers, stinkers, air biscuits, bombers, barking spiders, rotten eggs, and wet ones. You can pass gas, break wind, blast, beef, poof, rip one, let one fly, step on a duck, and cut the cheese.

Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Pee-eeew!!!

Did you know?

On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.
Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart. Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.
Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.
People fart the most in their sleep.
Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable

[SaltyLime]

lol @ this thread...classic tiger.
i'm still asleep, will you give us a beer fart to perk me up this morning?
pretty please, with shit spray sprinkles on top...

[hoss]

ok hoss waitin for ur contribution... :D

i tried tiger i really did....but i left most of my contibution in my boxers...


MOMMA !!!! LAUNDRY TIME ~!~~~~

[hoss]

A little gush of wind
Straight from the heart;
It tickled down my backbone
And it's also called a fart.

A fart can be useful;
It gives the body ease,
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas

[Wet Beaver]

god you got fleas too........gross

[hoss]

Wise Fart Sayings

A fart is just a turd beeping for the right of way!



A fart is nothing but the lonely cry of an imprisoned turd

A fart's a shit without the mess.

If two people are in an elevator and one person farts, everyone knows who did it.

He who farts last is the last one farting.

He who farts in church sits in his own pew. or He who fart in church sit in own pew.

Fart three times and get a wish

If someone farts in the car, all persons should take three deep breaths and it will all be gone.

Vulcan saying: Only a Klingon would fart in an airlock.

Farting is your ass's way of saying "hi" when you forget it's there.

It gives two people something NOT to talk about!

Flatulence comes from the heart of the body, but the body it comes from is heartless.

Something to say before farting: "My butt has to say something."A fart not smelled is a fart wasted..

[SaltyLime]

lol!! too good.
hoss, what exactly do you eat every morning?


A little gush of wind
Straight from the heart;
It tickled down my backbone
And it's also called a fart.

A fart can be useful;
It gives the body ease,
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas

[tiger50]

god you got fleas too........gross

did u say sumfin..or did u fart????:lmao

[Wet Beaver]

did u say sumfin..or did u fart????:lmao


hey tiger....you need to sleep with Hoss...at the same time you will get a flea dip....

[hoss]

hey tiger....you need to sleep with Hoss...at the same time you will get a flea dip....


HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!! you saying i got a dick the size of a flea ?????

[hoss]

lol!! too good.
hoss, what exactly do you eat every morning?

usually ...momma....she's low in trans fat ...:lmao

[Wet Beaver]

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!! you saying i got a dick the size of a flea ?????


thank you for tell us......flea dick....:na

[tiger50]

thank you for tell us......flea dick....:na

yeh he has penis breath too.... :D

[hoss]

thank you for tell us......flea dick....:na

its not the size princess...it the motion in the ocean ...

[hoss]

yeh he has penis breath too.... :D

well if you'd stop grabbing me and palying kissie face you wouldnt know...

[Wet Beaver]

its not the size princess...it the motion in the ocean ...


ocean?? are you a whale with a flea dick??

[hoss]

ocean?? are you a whale with a flea dick??

yeh baby...just call me moby dick

[hoss]

Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not. Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same

[Wet Beaver]

yeh baby...just call me moby dick


is it that hard to find it...when it is hard.....

[hoss]

is it that hard to find it...when it is hard.....

I'm sorry but rule 15 ,sub paragraph e...states i am only allowed to hijack a thread for 10 posts....

guess you'll never know what a damn fine tool i have in my toolbox...:wa:

[Wet Beaver]

I'm sorry but rule 15 ,sub paragraph e...states i am only allowed to hijack a thread for 10 posts....

guess you'll never know what a damn fine tool i have in my toolbox...:wa:


oh i all ready know you are Momma worst half......and you are her tool....:na

[hoss]

oh i all ready know you are Momma worst half......and you are her tool....:na

yeh ..she loves my tool.....

[Wet Beaver]

yeh ..she loves my tool.....


lol....i knew you couldn't keep away.....you are right...you are a tool....:lmao

[hoss]

lol....i knew you couldn't keep away.....you are right...you are a tool....:lmao

yeh a power drill with a 8 inch wood bit...come here and I'll show u how i drill a stuffed beaver...:na

[Wet Beaver]

yeh a power drill with a 8 inch wood bit...come here and I'll show u how i drill a stuffed beaver...:na

honey this is the fart thread......only thing you can drill is hot air....which you emit endlessly.....:na

[hoss]

honey this is the fart thread......only thing you can drill is hot air....which you emit endlessly.....:na

welcome back sweet pea....speaking of hot air ......

[Penny]

A fart is nothing but the lonely cry of an imprisoned turd


LMAO that is so rude its funny

[Cotties]

LOL don't encourage him Penny:D LMAO that is so rude its funny

[Norfolkdave]

LOL don't encourage him Penny:D

Dont encourage him I see your still shit stirring as usual, :D

Why dont you piss down your trouser leg and play with the steam ( as you love stirring it I see):lmao

[Cotties]

there is so much chili in my diet some days it actually burns when I fart.

[Norfolkdave]

there is so much chili in my diet some days it actually burns when I fart.

Turn the tap and let of steam:lmao

[Cotties]

I'd hate to hear you fart Dave... I reckon you would roar:D Turn the tap and let of steam:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

I'd hate to hear you fart Dave... I reckon you would roar:D

Me No Im ODIN silent but Violent:D

[spare_change]

Is anybody tired of fart jokes yet???

[Wet Beaver]

Is anybody tired of fart jokes yet???


lol.............:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

yeh baby...just call me moby dick

Hey man thats ODINS call........Moby......:D

[Norfolkdave]

Is anybody tired of fart jokes yet???

LOL yeah turn the tap of and lets get back to some serious banter:wa:

[tiger50]

The Kamikazee Fart....(inspired by cotties)

Kamikazee means divine wind, but theres nothing particularly divine about the result of a kamikazee fart.
The farter has a crazed look in his eye and he carries on farting regardless.Also known as the suicide fart or killer fart this is a bad number and should be immediately reported to the authorities. It is reason enough for a reinstatement of gas-mask drill. No-one is safe from the kamikazee farter, not even himself.

[Cotties]

not when one gets named after me...or better yet inspired by meIs anybody tired of fart jokes yet???

[Norfolkdave]

Then Tiger have you an art of farting for little old me, ( my art is eat plenty of Brussel Sprouts LOl Lol Lol

[tiger50]

Then Tiger have you an art of farting for little old me, ( my art is eat plenty of Brussel Sprouts LOl Lol Lol

awww fart.. UK melltdown.... evacuate tha cub..... :D

[Norfolkdave]

awww fart.. UK melltdown.... evacuate tha cub..... :D

Yep Brussels, Califlower is another goodone, followed by baked beans, just like a AK47 on full blast:lmao :lmao

[Zifnab]

I can't believe this gem of a thread was allowed to sit idly by collecting dust!.... see what happens when I neglect my duties to corrupt and twist the minds of the masses???

[My_Secrets_Kept]

Never knew that farting could be considered an art form, boy would my husband be happy to hear that... His 'art' has a tendency to run me out of the damned bed :D

[UltimateNaneki]

:nu are you slacking off....and I've heard only nice things of you

[Zifnab]

:nu are you slacking off....and I've heard only nice things of youwhose been lying to YOU??!!??!!

[pointofnoreturn]

well I can fart the alphabet. Seriously I amgrossing myself out and laughing hysterically right now. Is this flirting or farting website. Eh who cares. Makes me laugh...and horny....:D

[Zifnab]

farting is flirting.... in some cultures it is a form of compliment....plus it can sure break the ice at get togethers... not too mention ease tensions on first dates....

[UltimateNaneki]

farting is flirting.... in some cultures it is a form of compliment....plus it can sure break the ice at get togethers... not too mention ease tensions on first dates....

Not in my culture up here in Canada...Keep that smell to yourself will ya?

[hoss]

Not in my culture up here in Canada...Keep that smell to yourself will ya?

In Western Canada ,where i hail from ,the daily morning greeting is not morning paul,mornig rob ...but a freindly lift of the right leg followed by a bleep.blap,pluff,plagg or bark ....

[UltimateNaneki]

In Western Canada ,where i hail from ,the daily morning greeting is not morning paul,mornig rob ...but a freindly lift of the right leg followed by a bleep.blap,pluff,plagg or bark ....


Did you live under a rock???:lmao

[Zifnab]

In Western Canada ,where i hail from ,the daily morning greeting is not morning paul,mornig rob ...but a freindly lift of the right leg followed by a bleep.blap,pluff,plagg or bark ....real men know how to say good morning and mean it!

[hoss]

real men know how to say good morning and mean it!

as Tim the tool man Taylor would say ...ARR ARHHHHA ARHH OHHHHHAHHHH

[Zifnab]

it just needs more power!!!

[hoss]

it just needs more power!!!

quick Momma ...Get the beans !!!....

oops better stop ...or else we'll be accused of lowering site standards :lmao

[Zifnab]

quick Momma ...Get the beans !!!....

oops better stop ...or else we'll be accused of lowering site standards :lmaoI never knew I was acquitted:55 of the LAST charges.... draft beer, pickled eggs and bean burritos!!!!

[UltimateNaneki]

The art of farting should only be performed by a specialist. The proffessional have the licence to do it right!

[unctarheel_32]

well i guess i am a specialist,cause i can fart with the best of them.............. lol

[mile high]

One day, I discovered these tins of delicious baked giant beans - a Greek delicacy in a tomato sauce with heaps of garlic. Yum, thought I, that'll make a change for lunch. So, having consumed these giant beans, I'm sitting at my desk, when not 20 mins later something is very wrong...

Literally, it was chuff after chuff with barely a minute between trouser trumpets. I had to pick my moments to let fly surreptitiously, but my gawd the sheer quantity and magnitude were earth shattering.

The following day, just to wind up the staff, I bought some more.

[Zifnab]

BRILLIANT!!!! Well done!!! well done indeed!!! let 'em rip with pride!

[spjimbo]

Here i sit broken hearted, came to shit but only Farted!!

[ldon]

How about the fart where you think nobody is around and by then it's obvious who the culprit was.

[Zifnab]

if ya are gonna let it out man, have pride in yer work and let the world know you can do a descent job of it!:whee:

[tiger50]

this one is dedicated to the love of my life Cher.....who wud nevva actually fart....

The Unmentionable Fart

This mean little critter is invariably dropped in polite company. No-one says: "cor,who's opened her purse? " or "crikey, has someone just died?"
No-one blames the cat or dog, no-one comments on the squeaky floor, and although cheeks sometimes blush red and the hostess tries to surreptitiously open windows, no-one has the gumption to say "Who farted? "
The unmentionable fart is the bane of society, and likely to remain so until a healthier attitude is taken towards the entirely natural operation of our gastro-intestinal tracts.

[cherokeered]

:lmao :lmao



quite right hun...I never would.....and ummm, thanks for letting everyone know that.....:o :D :kk

[tiger50]

dedicated to the girls

The Whisper Fart

This is one of the genre of under-cover farts,
requiring good muscular control and more than a little spite. You can whisper fart your way through all kinds of situations, but eventually you will be caught out. It's more devious than the silent knight fart, which often as not is an unconcious act, and it could even signal a serious personality disorder. The dedicated whisper farter should really have it seen to, but probably wont..:D

[cherokeered]

if ur in a noisy, crowded room....do ya worry about farting or just let'er rip???

[tiger50]

let er rip, then look aghast at the person next to you.....

[Phlirt]

if ur in a noisy, crowded room....do ya worry about farting or just let'er rip???





Depends on if you're moving or not... if your standing still in a spot, hell no, don't wanna smell it. If you're moving through a fairground or somethinig, let er rip :D

[My_Secrets_Kept]

dedicated to the girls

The Whisper Fart

This is one of the genre of under-cover farts,
requiring good muscular control and more than a little spite. You can whisper fart your way through all kinds of situations, but eventually you will be caught out. It's more devious than the silent knight fart, which often as not is an unconcious act, and it could even signal a serious personality disorder. The dedicated whisper farter should really have it seen to, but probably wont..:D


would this fall under the 'silent but deadly' catagory :sc

[tiger50]

would this fall under the 'silent but deadly' catagory :sc

yeh, well they are smelly cousins....:D

[p.J]

Scientists have discovered a rogue gene which makes people fart in public.

They say the genetic make-up of one in six Americans increases their risk of farting while in crowds or packed elevators.

The study, led by geneticists from Oxford University and the Peninsula Medical School in Utah, could lead to ways of treating and even preventing the condition that blights fresh air for millions.

The findings may also help explain why some people find it harder to fart around people than it does others.

The research, funded by the ARSE Trust and reported in the journal Science, pinpointed a flawed version of the FWO gene. It is the first time a specific gene has been linked to farting.

The fart researchers have also warned that there are other, as yet undiscovered, genes involved in farting which could cause a possible follow through.

One researcher who knows all about bodily functions said he had always known that some people think it's funny to laugh out loud in public after farting. He says "I'm more the "silent but deadly" type, drop it and leave it, that's what I say".

(whistles) :rolleyes:

[yaser]

You can hide the sound but you can never hide the smell but only you can create a suspicionabout some other may have done..

[mile high]

One of the pieces of questionable wisdom I am yet to give to my daughter is:

Hold your farts

This is hypocritical because your male cousin can pipe the national anthem out his backside (often while sitting on you), but you should never break wind in front of a man, just like he should never moisturise in front of you. Once you've wedded him, however, all bets are off and give as good as you get.

I actually used to believe this before I got to know a female friend. She’s one of the most creative, spontaneous, funny people I know. One evening we had hit the town, consumed an all-you-can-eat buffet and drank lots of red. The next morning, we were eating breakfast when she gave me a dreamy look I mistook for ardor. Then she gave out a long, rumbling fart. I just shook my head and said: "At the breakfast table?" and she nodded vigorously. Then she fired off another one…

It used to freak me out when a woman would cut her lunch in front of me but, with my mate, it just made me cherish her more. I now realise ripping one off is a big turning point in a friendship or a relationship. When you feel secure enough to let Polly out of jail you know you've developed a certain intimacy, and are allowed to let the manners slack.

As for blokes dropping their guts, well, hang on, hang on. Ahhhh, there you go.

[spare_change]

One of the pieces of questionable wisdom I am yet to give to my daughter is:

Hold your farts

This is hypocritical because your male cousin can pipe the national anthem out his backside (often while sitting on you), but you should never break wind in front of a man, just like he should never moisturise in front of you. Once you've wedded him, however, all bets are off and give as good as you get.

I actually used to believe this before I got to know a female friend. She’s one of the most creative, spontaneous, funny people I know. One evening we had hit the town, consumed an all-you-can-eat buffet and drank lots of red. The next morning, we were eating breakfast when she gave me a dreamy look I mistook for ardor. Then she gave out a long, rumbling fart. I just shook my head and said: "At the breakfast table?" and she nodded vigorously. Then she fired off another one…

It used to freak me out when a woman would cut her lunch in front of me but, with my mate, it just made me cherish her more. I now realise ripping one off is a big turning point in a friendship or a relationship. When you feel secure enough to let Polly out of jail you know you've developed a certain intimacy, and are allowed to let the manners slack.

As for blokes dropping their guts, well, hang on, hang on. Ahhhh, there you go.


Ahhh, my friend .... you have finally stumbled across the greatest of wisdoms. The coed fart will be the downfall of civilization as we know it today.

While most guys take great pleasure in the tone, the timbre, and the texture of their gaseous releases, it is a pleasure best reserved for the dugout, the locker room, or, if you are feeling particularly malicious, the backseat of the car as you and your buddies debark on your weekly excursion for women.

When your relationship has devolved to that level of lack of common respect that you not only are willing to release reverberations, but actually look forward to it with great glee, that is a relationship that has lost its edge. When you take great pleasure in doing it, and then pulling the blanket over her head, THAT is a relationship rapidly headed for the rocks.

Surely, when in the amorous clutches of a newfound beauty, you strain mightily to avoid these noxious emissions, even to the point of clenching your cheeks so hard you pull a hamstring. Why? Because you wish to make the best impression -- to differentiate yourself from those other inconsiderate clods who might be vying for her attentions. And, good lord, can there be anything worse than a vile leakage while she worships at the altar of your manhood? A blowback during a blowjob has ruined many a budding relationship.

So, why would this nauseous habit be permissible once you have attained a stable, and equitable, relationship? She has expressed many times her disdain for your intestinal gases, and that look when you ask her to pull your finger must assuredly give you some insight into her appreciation for your flatutory excellence. So, why? I ask you, why?

Simply, because you believe her to be your equal, your partner, your mate -- a person with whom you can share your great joy in the baritone rumbles of a good chili fart -- or, even better, one created by the careful treatment of cabbage and corned beef. Now, THERE is a rumble to be remembered.

Your assumption, though, that she is your equal, also presumes that you believe she thinks she is your equal --- how wrong you are. What a fatal mistake you make -- one destined to send your ship of romance spiraling to the bottom of the sea of despair. You may be assured that, on that ship of romance, she considers herself the captain, and you but a lowly galley slave.

[mile high]

Ahhh, my friend .... you have finally stumbled across the greatest of wisdoms. The coed fart will be the downfall of civilization as we know it today.

While most guys take great pleasure in the tone, the timbre, and the texture of their gaseous releases, it is a pleasure best reserved for the dugout, the locker room, or, if you are feeling particularly malicious, the backseat of the car as you and your buddies debark on your weekly excursion for women.

When your relationship has devolved to that level of lack of common respect that you not only are willing to release reverberations, but actually look forward to it with great glee, that is a relationship that has lost its edge. When you take great pleasure in doing it, and then pulling the blanket over head, THAT is a relationship rapidly headed for the rocks.

Surely, when in the amorous clutches of a newfound beauty, you strain mightily to avoid these noxious emissions, even to the point of clenching your cheeks so hard you pull a hamstring. Why? Because you wish to make the best impression -- to differentiate yourself from those other inconsiderate clods who might be vying for her attentions. And, good lord, can there be anything worse than a vile leakage while she worships at the altar of your manhood? A blowback during a blowjob has ruined many a budding relationship.

So, why would this nauseous habit be permissible once you have attained a stable, and equitable, relationship? She has expressed many times her disdain for your intestinal gases, and that look when you ask her to pull your finger must assuredly give you some insight into her appreciation for your flatutory excellence. So, why? I ask you, why?

Simply, because you believe her to be your equal, your partner, your mate -- a person with whom you can share your great joy in the baritone rumbles of a good chili fart -- or, even better, one created by the careful treatment of cabbage and corned beef. Now, THERE is a rumble to be remembered.

Your assumption, though, that she is your equal, also presumes that you believe she thinks she is your equal --- how wrong you are. What a fatal mistake you make -- one destined to send your ship of romance spiraling to the bottom of the sea of despair. You may be assured that, on that ship of romance, she considers herself the captain, and you but a lowly galley slave.

Hhhmm. I see...that does make some sense.

Bottom line: mutual farts cause wide-spread cracks to appear?

[spare_change]

Hhhmm. I see...that does make some sense.

Bottom line: mutual farts cause wide-spread cracks to appear?


Actually, wide-spread cracks cause mutual farts to appear.

[mile high]

Actually, wide-spread cracks cause mutual farts to appear.

Badum-tsh!

Who said the line did the crime :D

[p.J]

Talking of farting! True Dit this!


A plane was diverted from its path and forced to land, after a woman passenger started lighting matches to cover up her flatulence.

The escalation in America's War on Farting came on an internal flight between Washington and Dallas, which was forced to land in Nashville when passengers told cabin crew that they could smell burning matches.

After an emergency landing, passengers were evacuated from the plane for security screening, the luggage hold was cleared, and bomb-sniffing dogs were sent onto the plane.

The dogs eventually found a number of spent matches under one passenger's seat.

Under FBI questioning, the woman admitted that she was lighting matches –which is illegal on a plane – in an attempt to conceal 'body odour'.

Reports claim that the woman has 'a medical condition'.

The plane eventually took off again, without the smelly woman, who an airline spokeswoman said had been banned from their flights 'for a long time.'


:D

[mrdiscreet]

She was probably wearing revealing clothing, I hope including panties

[Annie]

When I saw that this thread popped up again, I had to laugh remembering this post and the link in it.... my son almost peed his pants when he heard it!!



I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03

[IMaLady]

When I saw that this thread popped up again, I had to laugh remembering this post and the link in it.... my son almost peed his pants when he heard it!!



That is so funny I had to email it to a friend.:lmao :lmao

[peaches]

Hhhmm. I see...that does make some sense.

Bottom line: mutual farts cause wide-spread cracks to appear?
that was rich....lmao:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

[Lacey]

This is the funniest thread!!
I'm crying here........

[p.J]

http://www.orange.co.uk/images/editorial/fartypants_jan07_170.jpg




A US underwear manufacturer has invented pants designed to hide the smell of farts.

The Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool.

To prevent gases escaping without passing through it, the underpants are made from air-tight fabric and completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs.

Under-Tec president and inventor Buck Weimer said: "Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas.

"We get a lot of jokes - but we don't doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.

"They can be worn anytime, anywhere - in bed, to work, at social events, including professional meetings or when travelling in any vehicle, including an airplane."

The pants are machine washable and the filters last several weeks to several months, depending on the frequency of use and laundering.

The pants are available on the firm's website in a range of sizes and cost from £12 to £15.


OMG... puhleeeease! "

Hey, darling whats with the big trousers?" "Oh well, I have my fartypants on"

Quick exit me thinks! (pun unintended!)

[p.J]

Hold on there's more...


(Brits and lavatorial humour!!)

http://gizmodo.com/images/fartydogthong.jpg


OMG its a dog in a thong!!!


But no, this is a Dogone thong the "comfortable and least intrusive means for deodorizing gassy discharges", and you know you can trust it because it comes from the #1 name in flatulence odor control products.
You can get the Dogone in any of three sizes and they're each $19.99, but if you buy them you'll need very expensive headphones to keep from hearing the neighbors making fun of you and your poor pooch.

[hoss]

This is the funniest thread!!
I'm crying here........

yeh that last one was a eye burner huh ....

[Lacey]

yeh that last one was a eye burner huh ....




LOL........

[troos2]

I think this link fits:

http://www.superlaugh.net/1/thefartsong.htm?cardid=1065&date=2004-11-26_18-58-03

this brought tears to my eyes, thank you.:lmao

[romainbob]

OMG that's great.

[tiger50]

The Life Be In It Fart

One of the few real farts given government sponsorship. Fart good,feel good is a motto now sweeping the country. Dont be a lounge lizard; get out and participate, That's the message. Farting is a people past-time, and better enjoyed in the great outdoors. Why fart in the sitting room when tou can fart in a 5000 sq.km. national park? Think Big.

[cherokeered]

The Life Be In It Fart

One of the few real farts given government sponsorship. Fart good,feel good is a motto now sweeping the country. Dont be a lounge lizard; get out and participate, That's the message. Farting is a people past-time, and better enjoyed in the great outdoors. Why fart in the sitting room when tou can fart in a 5000 sq.km. national park? Think Big.

Well, better outdoors than in the same room as me....lol

Hey, do ya think farts could be used as an alternative fuel???....

[omaha man]

Just don't SHART.

[OICurready4me]

I still remember an old George Carlin piece he did about farting.

He said there are 4 kinds of farts..


The Ripshit, The Tear-Ass,

The snorter ... and the one that goes Woosh....


I still laugh like hell at his comedy.

[tiger50]

I still remember an old George Carlin piece he did about farting.

He said there are 4 kinds of farts..


The Ripshit, The Tear-Ass,

The snorter ... and the one that goes Woosh....


I still laugh like hell at his comedy.

lol yeh. think i already poster the rip snorter before in earlier farts..

[Drago]

The previous govt in New Zealand was trying to introduce a fart tax on cows.............

[tiger50]

The previous govt in New Zealand was trying to introduce a fart tax on cows.............

yeh lol tha wankers... they have been whingin about cow and sheep farts here too....:sc

[MCat]

I have been told that when a woman is sleeping soundly, her lovely bare ass is backed up against her mans thigh....and she unknowingly poots

It should be considered a term of endearment....

[OnceAKing]

I have been told that when a woman is sleeping soundly, her lovely bare ass is backed up against her mans thigh....and she unknowingly poots

It should be considered a term of endearment....

and I was never gonna tell...

[redcat]

I have been told that when a woman is sleeping soundly, her lovely bare ass is backed up against her mans thigh....and she unknowingly poots

It should be considered a term of endearment....


Damn, I'm glad I was at home when I read this....laughed so hard!!!

(waiting for the question I kmow is coming..........)

[lonely1now]

LOL, this thread cracks me up!!