One Liner Jokes..

[tiger50]

Man marries a deaf girl. He signs to her “Let’s make a code. If I want sex, I will squeeeze one breast. In response you can pull my penis once for yes and 50 times for no. :whee:

[Feelgoode]

Man marries a deaf girl. He signs to her “Let’s make a code. If I want sex, I will squeeeze one breast. In response you can pull my penis once for yes and 50 times for no. :whee:

Good one Mate :D :lmao :55

[tiger50]

Woman goes into hospital for a fanny tuck. Later she receives three bouquets of flowers. One from her husband, one from the surgeon and one from a satisfied burns victim who has new ears.

[pinkpussyliz]

Man marries a deaf girl. He signs to her “Let’s make a code. If I want sex, I will squeeeze one breast. In response you can pull my penis once for yes and 50 times for no. :whee:

Luv it:lmao :lmao :lmao

[tiger50]

What Can A Cow Do That A Women Cant ?

Stand In A river Up to Its Tits Without Getting Its Fanny Wet.

[tiger50]

Hurricane Katrina, typical female!
When she came she was warm wild & wet. When she left she took the fucking house and contents with her!

[tiger50]

What’s the difference between a rectum ranger and a refrigerator?
The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out!

[pinkpussyliz]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

[pinkpussyliz]

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before." The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it." "My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it." "And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was.................God I miss him!"

[tiger50]

lol shitt gunna avta rep ya fa those... :lmao :lmao

[pinkpussyliz]

Penis Research
In 1993, the Australian Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the Australian Government published the study, Germany decided to do their own study. After DM750,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

England, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around £350.25, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

[tiger50]

fark, nearly dropped me sausages...lol....

[pinkpussyliz]

Talking bout sausages;

Janey was walking down North Main Street in Danville. As she walked past the delicatessen, she glanced into the shop window. There, nestled in amongst the salami, was a sign proclaiming "Fresh from Warsaw-World's Largest Sausage."

Hanging on a large hook above it, was the most enormous sausage she had ever seen. It must've been at least eight inches in diameter, and two feet long.

"That's a two-man zeppelin, not a sausage," she thought. "Oh well, I'll try anything once."

So she walked into the shop, heaved the 20 lb. monster down off the hook and, plunking it down on the counter, presented it to the shopkeeper, who immediately wrestled it onto the machine and started slicing it up.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" cried Janey in dismay. "What do you think I am? A slot machine?"

[pinkpussyliz]

Two career drunks were extremely thirsty one Saturday night and decided to go to the store to get some cheap booze. In the store, the first drunk says, "All right, I have 87 cents; how much do you have?"

His friend replies, "I have a dollar. What can we get for $1.87?"

The first drunk spots a big Italian sausage on the rack for only $1.80 and has a great idea. "Hey, here's what we can do," he says. "We'll buy that sausage there and put it in my pants. We'll go into a bar and order drinks. After the drinks are gone, I'll pull out the sausage and you start sucking on it. They'll kick us out of the bar and we won't have to pay!"

The second drunk agrees and they head off to the bar. They walk in and order two beers and drink them down. When the beer is gone, the first drunk whips out the sausage and the second starts sucking on it.

"What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bar!" says the bartender, and the two run out laughing.

"That was great, and it didn't cost us a cent," says the second drunk. "Let's do it again!"

So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night.

At the end of the night, after about the 20th bar, the second drunk says, "Man what a great night. All this drinking is making me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."

"Sausage?" says the first drunk. "I ATE the sausage about eight bars ago!"

[pinkpussyliz]

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

[tiger50]

lolya definately crazier than i am.. lol.... hey we'll avta go thread hi-jakkin tagetha one day.... :D :kk :lmao

[pinkpussyliz]

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

[pinkpussyliz]

lolya definately crazier than i am.. lol.... hey we'll avta go thread hi-jakkin tagetha one day.... :D :kk :lmao

You jack, I'll watch:wa:

[tiger50]

Ypu jack, I'll watch:wa:

wowww a vouyer too. lol kk ur on:whee: ...

[tiger50]

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Slap the bitch.

[tiger50]

Why did the women cross the road?
Who gives a fuck! What’s she doing out the kitchen.

[tiger50]

The irish have decided to eradicate against bird flu. They’ve bombed the canary islands.

[tiger50]

wouldent u hate if u were in india. and due to a malfunction at birth ur brothers cock was joined to your eye brow. and every time he looks he sees u cuming

[Norfolkdave]

wouldent u hate if u were in india. and due to a malfunction at birth ur brothers cock was joined to your eye brow. and every time he looks he sees u cuming

http://www.funnypictures100.com/stressprayer.jpg:lmao

[sweetgapeach]

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Slap the bitch.



omg lol

[tiger50]

How do you recognise Dolly Parton’s kids at a tea party?

By the stretch-marks ’round their mouths……..

[tiger50]

how do you teach a girl math?add a bed,subtract her clothes,divide her legs,enter your square root,leave your solution and hope she does not multiply.

[blanjas3]

A BLONDE CALLS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND YELLED, "HELP ME. HELP ME , MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE"
THE CHIEF REPLIED< "oK HOW DO WE GET THERE?"

THE BLONDE SAYS, "DUH, THE RED TRUCK!" :whee:

[blanjas3]

WHAT TASTES GOOD ON PIE BUT NOT PUSSY?




THE CRUST..................:na

[Wet Beaver]

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?




Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

[Wet Beaver]

Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in Australia?



Wool!

[Wet Beaver]

What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?







About three inches

[Wet Beaver]

What do you call an Australian
farmer with a sheep under each arm?





Pimp.

[tiger50]

What do you call an Australian
farmer with a sheep under each arm?





Pimp.

dats not funny..:nu :nu

[Sandy]

so why are you smiling. :na













dats not funny..:nu :nu

[sweet]

What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?







About three inches


:lmao :55

[sweetgapeach]

What did one boob say to the other ?


Better perk up , their going to think we'er Nuts !

[Wet Beaver]

dats not funny..:nu :nu

tiger...you know it true.....:na

[tiger50]

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing. She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, “You know, its blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.” Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat. She creams, “If i could swim i’d come out there and punch you out.”

[Sandy]

:lmao :55

[tiger50]

Jack was walking down the street when he came to a ladder so far up he could not see the top.their was a Sign on the ladder saying, climb this ladder to success. he thought wow i need a bit of luck so he climbed and climbed and climbed until he reached the top, Waiting for him was a man with the biggest prick he’d ever seen. Jack said who are you? the man replied ah!! I’M CESS.

[Sunfiresix]

What do you call an Australian
farmer with a sheep under each arm?





Pimp.

I love it....:lmao:lmao:lmao:lmao

Your joke was good too Tiger...:lmao

[cuddles]

you guys are great here:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao omg

[Wet Beaver]

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing. She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, “You know, its blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.” Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat. She creams, “If i could swim i’d come out there and punch you out.”

tiger commited a foul........this is the one liner thread.....:na

[Sunfiresix]

Thats ok he only typed one line at a time..........

[tiger50]

tiger commited a foul........this is the one liner thread.....:na

oh shit yeh sorry, aw well me socks an jocks are a bit foul too.... :whee: :D

[Wet Beaver]

oh shiyyy yen sorry, aw well me socks an jocks are a bit foul too.... :whee: :D

are you ready for the cage in the dungeon??..............:na

[tiger50]

are you ready for the cage in the dungeon??..............:na

now ur foul.. u hi-jakked tha thread... an nooo will fite tooth an nail, kik, scream an ave hissy fits...:nu


How Do You Know A Kiwi’s Been In You’re Fridge?





there’s luv bites on you’re leg of lamb.

[Wet Beaver]

now ur foul.. u hi-jakked tha thread... an nooo will fite tooth an nail, kik, scream an ave hissy fits...:nu


How Do You Know A Kiwi’s Been In You’re Fridge?





there’s luv bites on you’re leg of lamb.

but it still was a one liner.............:na

[tiger50]

but it still was a one liner.............:na

but it wasnt a joke smartyarse.... :lmao

[Wet Beaver]

but it wasnt a joke smartyarse.... :lmao

it is for me.......:na

[Wet Beaver]

If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?





















It's you, you fucking idiot!

[tiger50]

not tellin... lol... :whee:

[tiger50]

Why aren’t the kiwi cricketers allowed to bring their wives to the game?
Cause they always run on the field and eat the grass.

[tiger50]

man walks in to the doctors and sits down.
man- doctor i think ive got bird flu
doctor- why what gives u that idea
man- ive started to wear makeup,talk bollocks,and i cant seem to park the fukin car

[pinkpussyliz]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac.


He stayed awke all night wondering if there really is a dog.

[Norfolkdave]

What would you get if you crossed the first signer of the Declaration of Independence with a rooster?

John Hancock-a-doodle-doo!

[Shiane]

Signs and Symptoms of the Bird Flu:

Cough, congestion, fever, malaise, body aches and.....

the overwhelming urge to shit on someones windshield!

[Norfolkdave]

Signs and Symptoms of the Bird Flu:

Cough, congestion, fever, malaise, body aches and.....

the overwhelming urge to shit on someones windshield!

I get these urges everytime I go into Fakenham:D

[sweetgapeach]

Signs and Symptoms of the Bird Flu:

Cough, congestion, fever, malaise, body aches and.....

the overwhelming urge to shit on someones windshield!



Holy Shit !! I got the Bird Flu !!:(

[Zifnab]

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.

[Zifnab]

Look Younger
by Fay Slift

[sweetgapeach]

What can a Bird do that a Man can't ?

Whistle threw his pecker

[Sandy]

good one sweet. :lmao










What can a Bird do that a Man can't ?

Whistle threw his pecker

[sweet]

What can a Bird do that a Man can't ?

Whistle threw his pecker

:lmao I love that!

[Cotties]

That doesn't sound like a joke Tiger........ where did it happen...did you call the cops...Jack was walking down the street when he came to a ladder so far up he could not see the top.their was a Sign on the ladder saying, climb this ladder to success. he thought wow i need a bit of luck so he climbed and climbed and climbed until he reached the top, Waiting for him was a man with the biggest prick he’d ever seen. Jack said who are you? the man replied ah!! I’M CESS.

[Norfolkdave]

On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

[tiger50]

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb in the kitchen? Why bother? Can't the bitch cook in the dark?

[Sandy]

ok time for the kitty to be dipped :nu













How many men does it take to change a lightbulb in the kitchen? Why bother? Can't the bitch cook in the dark?

[tiger50]

If it's got tits or wheels sooner or later you're gonna have problems with it.

[milf2000]

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before." The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it." "My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it." "And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was.................God I miss him!"


LMFAO:lmao

[tiger50]

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

[tiger50]

Why do women stop menstruating in their fifties? 'Cos they need the blood for their varicose veins!

[tiger50]

How do you know your wife's dead? Sex is the same but the dishes pile up high in the kitchen!

[MCat]

Tiger there ya go again....making me laugh outloud

[tiger50]

Man comes home drunk and says to his wife; Jesus, you're ugly!
Wife replies; you are pissed!
Man; yes, but that'll be gone by tomorrow!

[tiger50]

whats the difference between a woman with PMT and a terrorist

ya can negotiate with a terrorist....

[Annie]

Two cows are standing in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you." says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

[Annie]

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before...