Kids To have to many or not Enough

[carnation]

Recently i was asked by a few people you only have the one child i was like yes and i aint having no more and was made to feel guilty them saying you cant have just one and felt like i commited a crime by just having the one. After 10 years of trying and 2 misscarriages i feel very lucky to have my son as we thought it was not possible for me to have children. But hey i am 42 now there aint no way i wanna start again. Me myself i have only 1 sibling a younger sis, that was enough for me we fought all the time. Even my hubby said we aint having no more we will get a dog and lmao i totally agree especially with my current situation there is no way i would contemplate any more kids plus the fact i could not afford another one.

[leighm]

The choice is totally up to you. I would have had 4 but my body just didn't want to plus my second child was almost a nightmare. Fortunately I did fall pregnant again and all turned out well, although I did contemplate abortion early on. If I'd been in your position I would not have tried for another either.

[Penny]

I had two girls I really wanted to try again for a boy but things just never seemed to work out

[Shawn]

We have one.... turns out sex with me is like going to the zoo and getting it on with a crazed baboon, so we too will only be having the one.

[Lacey]

Can't feel guilty about that....whatever you want is fine...I had problems getting pregnant....I have two and it took a lot to get them...so I count myself lucky...

[scoobertina]

that choice is completely yours.. I chose to have two children, I could have had more, or less.. two was all that I needed or really wanted.. my father was one of 11 kids.. my mother 1 of 6... what is right for one is not right for everyone.. all that matters is that you love the child or children you do have..

[leggy4]

well I am 46 now but only had one.. at 33 and then miscarried identical twins, then one after that one then another one... did testing to find out ut was not what it once was.. by that time my son was full blown autism soooooo..... decided that he was the one who needed my attention and wouldnt be where he is without the expensive biomedical intervention he has had... if he had another sibling..... You make your decisions yes u do
I am good with mine that I made regarding having another with progesterone treatment( too much information)??? rejoice people with one child if it makes u happy.
:smdance:

[Alfa]

Kids may say the darndest things, but adults say the damnedest things, especially when commenting on other people's lives.

Just smile, nod and let go of what they say. Their comments are usually a result of not thinking or being unable to think, not maliciousness.

The only thing you can control is what you do and how you react to the world around you, so don't let the bastards get you down!

[redcat]

carnation, please don't let anyone make you feel guilty for having less children then they think you should. Sounds like you have the number (1) that you are supposed to, imo.

I was fortunate in that I never had that kind of thing from family and friends. But, many yrs before my son was born, I had a doctor who asked me at each visit when I was going to get pregnant. I finally looked him in the eye one day and told him that when he promised to take the kid to ballgames, scouts, etc, etc...then I'd get pregnant. He never again brought up the subject.

I probably could not have had more than the one we did, but then, I never thought in terms of more than one. And you know the saying....He doesn't give you more than you can handle. And boy oh boy...ain't it the truth? LMAO

[Midwest girl]

Carnation, this subject is close to my heart, first of all, no one should judge you on your choices in life, they are yours to make and yours to deal with...

IMHO.. the ratio in my household is 2 adults 2 children, and I like balance, not that I have a choice. Im in my mid 30's and my kids are toddlers, many years and 7 pregnancies later we have been blessed twice and thats enough for me, cant handle anymore heartache on the baby thing..

On a lighter note...there are days when I am the ONLY adult in this house, so I dont feel guilty chosing to say NOOOOOOOOOOOO to anymore babies...and I get crap a lot for having 2 boys..being asked, "dont you want a girl?" as if I can chose..even if I could, the answer is still NO! Im not starting over with feedings and diapers...I have my hands full now...

[FizProf]

It took nearly 8 years, 6 miscarriages (4 ectopic), tubaligation, two rounds of IVF to make my son...

[carnation]

Carnation, this subject is close to my heart, first of all, no one should judge you on your choices in life, they are yours to make and yours to deal with...

IMHO.. the ratio in my household is 2 adults 2 children, and I like balance, not that I have a choice. Im in my mid 30's and my kids are toddlers, many years and 7 pregnancies later we have been blessed twice and thats enough for me, cant handle anymore heartache on the baby thing..

On a lighter note...there are days when I am the ONLY adult in this house, so I dont feel guilty chosing to say NOOOOOOOOOOOO to anymore babies...and I get crap a lot for having 2 boys..being asked, "dont you want a girl?" as if I can chose..even if I could, the answer is still NO! Im not starting over with feedings and diapers...I have my hands full now...
Thanks i get the same question dont u want a girl, but my miscarriages was i cant carry girls but i am blessed i have my son and he enough for me

[leggy4]

It took nearly 8 years, 6 miscarriages (4 ectopic), tubaligation, two rounds of IVF to make my son...

Fizzie, it's not as easy as it seems to make a baby huh???/ I hear ya!:sng:

[jmsmith12345]

I so love when other people step into someone's bedroom and try to tell them how to run their sex lives. My wife and I have one child, love her immensely, and are quite satisfied with just having one. If someone else wants to contribute another $47,000 for another prepaid college fund, $10,000/yr for day care, and various other expenses to the tune of about $5-6,000/yr to raise a second, sure, I will go ahead and knock the wife up again, but until then, people really need to keep there opinions about how and when others should have more children to themselves.

[gr8doods]

It is and should be your choice ....and well maybe your husband has some part in it..but as everyone has said...NEVER feel guilty..why is IT some people in life think they know your situation and feel the need to butt in?
As for me..I have 2 kids..and going thru their teen years was a difficult experience..but i would not trade them ( well I would sell them tho..LOL)..
We are in different/difficult times...all people should really contemplate the decision about children and the number...unfortunately money does factor it the decision

[Barkiss]

I get just the opposite reaction. I get told "when is enough, enough?" I have 4 children, and at any given time there are any where between 12-15 children in or at my house. So when someone new comes by the house, it appears we are a bit out of control with our birth control. Yes...dinner time is a zoo, the house is rarely spotless, floors and carpets are in constant need for professional cleaning, we have more drop by parent visits than I care to deal with, we know we are treated as a daycare at times, yet...all and all, I wouldn't change a thing.

With that said, no one, in their right mind, has the right to tell you how many children is the appropriate amount for you. Is it a safe assumption that these people knew you well enough to assume they could make such a statement? Could they have possibly been indirectly complimenting you as a parent, and encouraging you to have more? I'm a cynical bastard, but I sure do like to at least start by thinking the best of people.

[Frenchie_lady]

Carnation... I know so well what you are going through, heard it all!

I, myself, am an only child. Turned out just fine. My daughter will be too (unless her father and I divorce and he has another kid with someone else) and she will turn out just fine as well.

Its no one else's business and it pains me every time someone talks about it... how do they know its a choice to start with... how do they know its not because of a problem that you had to stop at one? I think its just opening a can of worms on their parts and its being very insensitive to do so!

People usually keep their mouth shuts when someone gets a very bad haircut but ask about other children!!!! C'mon people! Its a private thing!

[leggy4]

Tiz a personal choice...... there are people who have children and they shouldn't because they didn't really want them....

[NYYlvr]

I get just the opposite reaction. I get told "when is enough, enough?" I have 4 children, and at any given time there are any where between 12-15 children in or at my house. So when someone new comes by the house, it appears we are a bit out of control with our birth control. Yes...dinner time is a zoo, the house is rarely spotless, floors and carpets are in constant need for professional cleaning, we have more drop by parent visits than I care to deal with, we know we are treated as a daycare at times, yet...all and all, I wouldn't change a thing.

With that said, no one, in their right mind, has the right to tell you how many children is the appropriate amount for you. Is it a safe assumption that these people knew you well enough to assume they could make such a statement? Could they have possibly been indirectly complimenting you as a parent, and encouraging you to have more? I'm a cynical bastard, but I sure do like to at least start by thinking the best of people.


We also have 4, one going off to college this fall and the youngestin first grade. The last two were suprises and wouldn't change a thing. Our house is also in a state of dissarry. Between sports and scouting, we are going every night and most saturdays.

We we given these gifts as all parents are, but only what "he" feels we can handle. If it is only one, than so be it. We constantly here from family and friends how they would hate our grocery bill or making dinner for all of us, well it is a pleasure as we enjoy our time with them. Ok, done rambling I think you get the picture

[My_Secrets_Kept]

As long as your children are loved, well cared for, have a roof over their head, food in their tummies and a warm bed to sleep in.. as long as you are doing all that you can and should as a parent, then it's no ones place to tell you if you have too many or not enough..

I've heard comments such as you have, and from reading the posts above, many of us have.. Some people are just rude in general and don't think before they speak, they don't intend to come off as they sound, or they are just talking to hear themselves talk.. If it's a stranger in a grocery store I usually just laugh it off and answer that "he's more than enough for me to handle"! I don't feel the need to explain to them the real reason behind me not having more children..

The only person that spoke out of turn and hurt me, was my sister.. we were in her back yard and her kiddos were pushing my son on a swing.. she said to me that "he shouldn't be an only child"!.. It immediately hurt and angered me because she knew what I'd been through.. so I asked her to explain what she meant.. she said "look how much fun he's having with them, you need to have more kids for him to play with".. With tears streaming down my face, my response was that "he's not an only child, he is my 3rd child.. and I don't intend on endangering my health and possibly causing him to be motherless in order to give him a play mate, especially since it would more than likey result in him being the middle child and still remain an 'only child'.. and he does have other kids to play with, his cousins". Haven't a clue what she was thinking when she made those comments, other than the fact that she's not the most compassionate person, but it upset me enough that it's stuck in my mind years later.. (you'd have to know my sister to completely understand, trust me!)

[learman3]

The number of kids someone has is totally up to them. I don't see anything wrong with only having one. And as you stated with having so hard of a time getting pregnant and all. Having one healthy child is a blessing indeed.

[gdg]

Having kids is a big deal, it is not like buying a new TV for one of the extra rooms in the house. I am an only child, adopted at that. My parents were both diabetic, they had failed attempts at having children. I was a private and expensive adoption, the agencies would not allow them to adopt.

I am sure they heard the same kind of things as you are hearing. I am sure it made them feel bad and they had to bite their tongues on more then one occasion.

Like everyone is saying it is no ones business. I myself have respect for those who take on only what they can handle. I especially have respect for those who have no kids, not because they could not, but because they chose not too. They are being responsible. Kids are not like puppies that can be given away or taken to the pound when it gets to be too much or too expensive. (not that dogs should be treated like this either)

I have three kids, I am happy where I am at, I know now that more then three I could not afford. It is a persons choice, parenting is not a right it should be treated as a privilege.

[Charmed]

I wanted 8 babies, hubby didn't want any.. As soon as our second son was born he went for the snip snip....

[leggy4]

Children are a blessing to those who want and deserve the privilage of going that route.

[fourisit]

I get just the opposite reaction. I get told "when is enough, enough?" I have 4 children, and at any given time there are any where between 12-15 children in or at my house. So when someone new comes by the house, it appears we are a bit out of control with our birth control. Yes...dinner time is a zoo, the house is rarely spotless, floors and carpets are in constant need for professional cleaning, we have more drop by parent visits than I care to deal with, we know we are treated as a daycare at times, yet...all and all, I wouldn't change a thing.

With that said, no one, in their right mind, has the right to tell you how many children is the appropriate amount for you. Is it a safe assumption that these people knew you well enough to assume they could make such a statement? Could they have possibly been indirectly complimenting you as a parent, and encouraging you to have more? I'm a cynical bastard, but I sure do like to at least start by thinking the best of people.

Wow that sounds exactly like my house...I have four girls...if I could afford to I would have had more...I loved being pregnant..and even the birth..my doctor loved me bec she never had to do much but show up for a few min..she said I was her favorite patient lol...anyway there are always 10-12 kids at my house to everyday and I am happy to be the house everyone goes to..its one of the reasons my husband would get mad..all the wear and tear on the house..but they are kids..we can have a spotless boring house later when they are older and never want to be home. People always asked me to if we wanted a boy..well of course I would love a boy but that is not what God gave me and I love my girls..they are my world. Who knows I am 33 I have a few years left and after my divorce is final I may meet my prince who wants to make babies lol

[sweet]

It irritates the crap out of me when some people think it's alright to stick their noses into other people's business and tell them what they should and shouldn't do. Unfortunately this happens a lot. I wanted a somewhat large family, and luckily I'm able to have that. However, I would've been just as happy if I could have only been blessed with one.
When I got pregnant again for the 3rd time, I received some comments (from people I worked with) saying that hopefully we are not planning on having any more. We're not going to have any more, but still, people shouldn't say things like that. It's so incredibly rude. Who's to say what is the appropriate amount of children someone should have.

So to sum up my ramblings....continue being thankful for the little miracle you have and don't let the useless opinions of others make you feel bad.

[manda1]

I have two (4yr and 1yr) if I could have 2-3 more that would be perfect! Just wish I didn't have to work :(

[Tndream]

First off.. the next time someone tries to make you feel guilty about the way you choose to live your life... tell them to STFU!

You can't have just one??
WTF? kids aint potato chips, you can't just open a bag and say
ok, I can't stop at just one.
As sone have stated, just having one is a miracle in its own right.
ALL kids are miracles, no matter if you have 1 or 20.

My doctor told me after my son was born, that I was going to find it impossible to have another child.

I have 4 daughters.
The youngest one was handed a long and painful death sentance when I was 4 months along with her.
I look at my girls daily and thank the gods that they are all healthy.

Being a single parent, things are never easy,
the house is always in some sort of disarray, and rarely ever clean, even when I spend all day cleaning it, by the end of the night it looks like a tornado blew through.
But it is a stable home for them.

The grocery bills are astronomical, cause they are always eating, and at any given point at least 1 is on a growth spurt.
but they never go hungry.

their jeans have holes and patches on top of patches, and they are constantly outgrowing them and handing them down to the next sister,
but they are always clean.

I have family who ask me " arnt you going to try for a boy?"
I look at them and ask them " are you out of your cotton pickin mind?!"

I love my girls dearly, but after 4 of em, no, I don't want anymore.
As long as your child is happy and content, and you are comfortable with your choice, then so be it.

[midnightlover]

I would give just about anything to have one child.. Breaks my heart I have none...

[dixiechiknga]

I have only one and he is a blessing, but I never did consider having anymore. Sometimes I wish I had.

[leighm]

that choice is completely yours.. I chose to have two children, I could have had more, or less.. two was all that I needed or really wanted.. my father was one of 11 kids.. my mother 1 of 6... what is right for one is not right for everyone.. all that matters is that you love the child or children you do have..


My dad was also one of 11, he was the youngest. My mum, like me, was one of 3 .... yet my husband is one of 9!!

[kisses]

I have two and they make my everyday special. I'd love to have more, but unfortunately that door is closed now.
Every day is a challenge and a joy.

[fever]

This is my favorite place to pull the cancer card! I have one son, and he was 3 when I had breast cancer. Sure, I could have had another the following year, putting my life at risk and possibly leaving my husband to raise them alone. Wonder if that would have satisfied those who have the audacity to poke their nose in to where it doesn't belong!

I have to admit, I'm tempted to discuss how they run their families as well...I'm as such as they are that they can properly guide me to their levels of perfection...