Going out with the opposite sex.......

[Augustus]

Would you or would it bother you to go out with someone of the opposite sex........

I am not talking going on a date, but as friends for lunch, or to hang out......

here's a response from someone on another board:

"
Out of respect for my SO I wouldn't go out with some one of the opposite sex, and if this person is a good friend then the SO would be invited along as I would want her to build a friendship with the person as well. In my eyes there is no need to go out alone with a member of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship.

"

here's on of my responses:

"If the only way you can assure your spouse of your faithfullness is by avoiding the whole female species or only speaking to a female when you wife is around..... Then that a real screwed up and pathetic relationship......

If you can hold an adult conversation with a person of the same sex and be respectful of your spouse, I believe an adults should be able to do the same with some one of the opposite sex......

There either trust and respect there or there not......."

Augustus

[WandaRing]

Lets see.....going out and just hanging out with a guy, just as friends...relaxed----no pressure, no sex later, no worries if he'll call again, no worries if we'll hit it off, no need to impress or to be impressed, no worries if something gets stuck in your teeth, no judgement of who you are or what you been through.....A laid back, fun and relaxed night with just a friend....

So what's the question? :yks

[OnceAKing]

Would you or would it bother you to go out with someone of the opposite sex........

I am not talking going on a date, but as friends for lunch, or to hang out......

here's a response from someone on another board:

"
Out of respect for my SO I wouldn't go out with some one of the opposite sex, and if this person is a good friend then the SO would be invited along as I would want her to build a friendship with the person as well. In my eyes there is no need to go out alone with a member of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship.

"

here's on of my responses:

"If the only way you can assure your spouse of your faithfullness is by avoiding the whole female species or only speaking to a female when you wife is around..... Then that a real screwed up and pathetic relationship......

If you can hold an adult conversation with a person of the same sex and be respectful of your spouse, I believe an adults should be able to do the same with some one of the opposite sex......

There either trust and respect there or there not......."

Augustus

I think the responder from the other board had it about right...at least for her/them...I'm sure everyone will have feelings based on where they are coming from so there's not a correct answer that will fit every couple, I know.

I have to agree with her, unless it was strictly business related and mandatory I just wouldn't do it. Not because I couldn't be trusted but as she said, "Out of respect". Firstly, I wouldn't want Christy to have a reason to question or wonder just who I'd rather to hang out and/or have lunch with...not because she wouldn't trust me.

Another thing to consider is just how much hangin would it take to cause distrust, question loyalty, cause fears, etc. If you're talking just once with a particular person then it probably wouldn't be an issue...maybe. But the "hanging out" seems to imply an ongoing thing and I just wouldn't do it to her and I damn sure wouldn't take a lot of it myself. I take her with me doing whatever it is I'm doing if she wants to go and if she doesn't then I'm getting it done as quickly as I can so I can get back home and watch her cook, sew, post or whatever it is. I sorta like hangin with HER! It's her company I enjoy more than anyone else's.

Secondly, I don't care who a person is, temptation is temptation and for most there's a limit on just how much we can resist...that, included with the knowledge that almost all infidelity starts out as somewhat innocent hangin out together, whether it's at work, bowling league, softball, or at a bar having a few drinks after work...It just opens the door for something to happen that would hurt the other and therefore the relationship...

Trust is strange thing...while it can appear so solid, it can at the same time be one of the most fragle things in the world...given the particular instance, moment, and hanger outter with'er...

So for as long as I cared about our marriage, relationship, her feelings and so forth, I'd avoid it like the plague...it's just one of those things that can bite you in the ass from so many different directions. My better judgement says No Thanks!

[jmsmith12345]

I'm an opportunist, so I would definitely go for it...some of the best sex ever has been with "just friends."

[Rex]

I'm an opportunist, so I would definitely go for it...some of the best sex ever has been with "just friends."

I belong to a similar club.

[Shawn]

There are few that I can do that with, but the ones that she trusts there is a green light for. I think the thing to watch is the jealous factor, and its not about if the other person is more attractive, more fun, more flirtatious... for me it was a case of .." why do you take her to dinner and not me" as long as she knows the reason, is invited, and everything is disclosed there has never been a problem.

[fondew2004]

This is a common practice. My co-workers are both male and female; of course, I go "out" with both. Guys only at times, and a female only at times. These folks are associates, I enjoy being with them.
Should the then spouse happen to "find us together"...so be it. She, I'm sure, had her men friends as well as girl friends. It was of absolutely no concern to me whatsoever.

[Lacey]

I go to lunch all the time with the "opposite sex"....never been a problem as far as it going any farther...hubby sometimes does get jealous...but I think it's when they see something in the person we don't.....that makes them feel less then they are...
But I have 2 brothers...always have had guys around..and I can be friends with a male....just as well as one with a female...I don't see a problem with it..

[Han Solo]

I don't know....my opinion is it's a little odd. I know lots of people have friends of the opposite sex and maybe have a relationship that they can "hang out for lunch" and things....but I'm just one that believes there tends to be something a bit more underlying than that. Maybe I'm too suspicious of things...but at the base level, there is a man/woman dynamic of attraction. Maybe it's not something we would ever considering thinking about to deeply.....but why is a member of the opposite sex a person you go out with by yourself? At our most basic level I think we're programmed to still consider our attraction to any member of the opposite sex and I don't know....to me, unless that person is also a very close friend of the spouse then it strikes me as odd. I think at some level we might choose the opposite sex friend because they respond to us in ways that give us either a slight ego boost or re assurance about ourselves in the areas of the opposite sex.

I've had lunches with females only before......but that was more a matter of convenience or anti-boredom during the work day...not something that was special plans outside of that.

I'm not discounting that maybe some people do feel like they have that type of relationship with the opposite sex....just is my experience that that is way more rare than the norm.

Just my ramblings for now till I ponder on this some more :sc

And outside of that.....sometimes we dont' see it ourselves....but guys pick up vibes with other guys based on how they act and what they see just the same as women pick up on vibes on how other women act around their man.......................but I'm all Spidey like that ;)

[Cy]

I don't know....my opinion is it's a little odd.

That's where I stopped :sc

[Han Solo]

That's where I stopped :sc
Doesn't that mean you agree or is four words of mine the usual amount you can read before you realize it's a waste of time?? :sg

[Singeon]

On a one-on-one basis...no.

[glamourgirl]

In my line of work..... still 85% male at my level.... and doing lunch means cafateria... NO
NBD to me..
to him?
insanely jealous as long as we were together! never would "allow" it!

[ethans_so_bad]

hanging out for lunch with the opposite sex...........where ALL my troubles started....

[Brink]

It depends on the capacity I know them in, the motivation behind the meeting, and how my wife would feel. I think I could grab a one-off impromptu lunch with any woman and it would be alright - provided we were well-behaved, it was innocently intended, and I didn’t keep it from my wife. I do agree that a man and woman should be able to conduct themselves appropriately for a couple of hours without it infringing on their marriage vows! Next time, though, I think I’d do best to invite some other people.

Any “ongoing” element needs further consideration. That’s not due to any trust issues, but because mixed messages do happen, people’s tongues do wag, and I’d want to feel an upfront basis for the contact existed between us. There’s little point in going ahead if you’re too anxious to enjoy yourself. The only women I have this kind of close friendship with are my Sister-in-law, a family friend of 30+ years, and two married colleagues who know my wife. I could go out with them whenever the need warranted it, but we’re all too busy to find the time.

[stellabelle]

hanging out for lunch with the opposite sex...........where ALL my troubles started....

No, I think your troubles started at birth! :D

[stellabelle]

I think hanging with the opposite sex is just fine. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. Maybe that's why I don't care one way or another. Friends are friends. Most of my friends are guys anyway and most of my husband's friends are women. Just the way it worked out for us.