What if your online lover had a real life affair?

[Brink]

How would you feel if your long-term online lover disclosed to you that they had recently experienced a night of passion with a real life acquaintance? How would you react? Would you want to know the details? What would you say if they planned on seeing them again?

Would you feel rejected, jealous, crushed, cheated on? Would you consider breaking things off? Or, as they are already married, would you just put it to one side – their real life is their own business - and move on? How would this compare to discovering they were having another online relationship? And other questions….

I was given this scenario the other night, but I couldn’t really comprehend how I'd feel!

[Curiousoneonly]

Good question, Brink. Hmm... I am curious to see the replies. I will say, I would probably feel crushed. :(

[jmsmith12345]

Since having an online lover is already cheating on your spouse, I would not be surprised if I found out if that person also was cheating on their lover.

[learman3]

Good question, Brink. Hmm... I am curious to see the replies. I will say, I would probably feel crushed. :(
I agree.

If i was to have an online lover I know that it would be someone I would be giving all my heart to. I don't get involved in something like that just to tease or flirt. It would be something a lot more serious. So yes it would crush me to find out someone I gave my heart to was off with someone else.

[SunnyD]

Long term relationship in any form comes with "disclosed" factors you just have to deal with (such as here we know about spouses, family, work or previous relationships), but undisclosed factors can be deal breakers. If your both wanting the relationship to work a oops doesn't just happen. If you're happy with what you have you're not open to the temptation.

[leggy4]

since an online affair is sort of cheating, why would it surprise you if someone doing it cheated again????? cheating is like a fungus!!!!!:D

[jmsmith12345]

since an online affair is sort of cheating, why would it surprise you if someone doing it cheated again????? cheating is like a fungus!!!!!:D

Cheating = Mushrooms? :sc

[Curiousoneonly]

since an online affair is sort of cheating, why would it surprise you if someone doing it cheated again????? cheating is like a fungus!!!!!:D

This is true, Leggy. But I would like to think that the person I am cheating with (not that I am having an online affair, I am only open to RL affairs, jk) is being loyal. Wishful thinking.

This does open the debate of once a cheat always a cheat.

Anyhow, I would still feel crushed, as I agree with what Sunny said.

[Shawn]

I think it really depends upon what is agreed on between the two people. I know there are a few "relationships" here that some were okay with sharing information dealing with the spouse, others just did not want to hear it. Its a matter of how comfortable you are with that person. For me I think not disclosing it would be the way to go... would I be shocked... no... but would I want to hear that some bastard got to cash in on the "goodies" that I have been putting time in seducing....probably not.

Its often been said if what you are doing would hurt the other person .... its cheating. Now cheating on someone you are cheating with takes it to another level, but I guess it really depends how open and honest your online affair is...... lets face it, the online affair does kinda lack in the physical fulfillment arena.

[Tempest]

I don't think I'd be crushed. I mean, I am new to this, but I fully expect to have several connections on here, I am committed to my husband, not my fantasies. Hope that doesn't make me look bad, but I think I would be looking for trouble if I had a committed fantasy love, too.

[MunkyBrain]

Cheating = Mushrooms? :sc

I think "yeast infection" is the preferred term.

[Rex]

Surprised ? Not at all.
There is a reason the lovers were online. If they wanted to actually be together, they would have found a way to make it happen.
Online can get to the level of near reality, but in my opinion, it's still not actually real.

[jmsmith12345]

I think "yeast infection" is the preferred term.

With lines like that, I bet you are a hit with the ladies. :D

[Curiousoneonly]

How would you feel if your long-term online lover disclosed to you that they had recently experienced a night of passion with a real life acquaintance? How would you react? Would you want to know the details? What would you say if they planned on seeing them again?

Would you feel rejected, jealous, crushed, cheated on? Would you consider breaking things off? Or, as they are already married, would you just put it to one side – their real life is their own business - and move on? How would this compare to discovering they were having another online relationship? And other questions….

I was given this scenario the other night, but I couldn’t really comprehend how I'd feel!

To answer some of the questions. I would be shocked, depending on the terms that had been established. If it were to be exclusive when it comes to having an affair. If that makes any sense. No, I would not want to know the details. If they planned on seeing them again, I could say nothing as it is their life. I would simply move on.

[daisyduck]

I really wont care as it is an affair online, specially if you never meet. so it just easier not to get attached. just have fun.

[Curiousoneonly]

I really wont care as it is an affair online, specially if you never meet. so it just easier not to get attached. just have fun.

Cripes, maybe I have it all wrong. :sg

I would think it is easy to become attached, especially if you are having contact with someone daily and you are becoming intimate with each other. I would think that one's emotions would play a part, making it very real even though it is online.

I am all confused now. :sc

Okay, I just wanna have some fun. :ok

[neil48]

How would you feel if your long-term online lover disclosed to you that they had recently experienced a night of passion with a real life acquaintance? How would you react? Would you want to know the details? What would you say if they planned on seeing them again?

Would you feel rejected, jealous, crushed, cheated on? Would you consider breaking things off? Or, as they are already married, would you just put it to one side – their real life is their own business - and move on? How would this compare to discovering they were having another online relationship? And other questions….

I was given this scenario the other night, but I couldn’t really comprehend how I'd feel!
I would have a cyber tantrum.......

[daisyduck]

just having fun is the key, no emotions needed. but happy ones :)

[Curiousoneonly]

just having fun is the key, no emotions needed. but happy ones :)

Hmm...okay. Just happy emotions and fun. :ok

[SunnyD]

Well the question referenced "long term lover" not the flavor of the week which in my opinion is quite different. When you invest time, energy and emotion in someone else and you really "care" how their day was you have a friend and not just a feel good buddy. The trick to this is that you can have a "friend" who you share more intimate things with and muddies the waters when one or the other (but not both) forms a greater attachment and wants there to be more. In this circumstance seeing or hearing the other person is sharing themselves with another can hurt, but it wasn't part of your friendship agreement to have an opinion. The "long term lover" would be someone who is a friend, lover and confidant. It is someone who shares the emotional connection with you and has expressed a desire to pursue a relationship through whatever challenges there maybe. This person has the right to be upset, jealous, hurt or angry by what you chose to do online or where ever you choose to do it.

[fever]

I think one of the requirements of any long-term relationship is clear communication, especially one that is "virtual". And I would therefore expect that any long-term relationship would have, at some point, addressed the issues of expectations and commitment to each other. (Actually, I think it's something I think needs to be addressed in an ongoing way, because relationships evolve.) So to the extent that the "real life" relationship was in-bounds, there's little to say about it. Personally, I can't imagine I'd want to hear the details, though. Also, I have a hard time imagining that someone could develop a "real life" relationship with another without an online lover having a clue that it was happening. I think we can only segment ourselves in so many pieces and that there are always clues. An online lover is, I would imagine, more likely to notice the changes because s/he is already aware of the "cheating".

[Curiousoneonly]

Well the question referenced "long term lover" not the flavor of the week which in my opinion is quite different. When you invest time, energy and emotion in someone else and you really "care" how their day was you have a friend and not just a feel good buddy. The trick to this is that you can have a "friend" who you share more intimate things with and muddies the waters when one or the other (but not both) forms a greater attachment and wants there to be more. In this circumstance seeing or hearing the other person is sharing themselves with another can hurt, but it wasn't part of your friendship agreement to have an opinion. The "long term lover" would be someone who is a friend, lover and confidant. It is someone who shares the emotional connection with you and has expressed a desire to pursue a relationship through whatever challenges there maybe. This person has the right to be upset, jealous, hurt or angry by what you chose to do online or where ever you choose to do it.

Bingo!!

Thank you, Sunny.

[Curiousoneonly]

I would think trust would play a big part in this type of relationship. Like Fever said, terms would need to be established. Is it in a sense an exclusive relationship or has it been established that you can continue to play the field. Holy cow. This is way too much for me.

[Ravis]

I think that if you had had a long term online relationship then that is what it is - it is not a physical one. Instead of feeling rejected etc you might be close enough to them to ask if they really know what they are doing and what would happen if they were found by their partner to be cheating in that way - are they prepared to throw that down the drain.

[leggy4]

I admit to being a one man girl.... even an online affair can change your behavior in ways that you may not expect!!! Just one opinion from a faithful spouse.... I talk in my sleep.. so I could never do it... he would know :D(seriously)

[Sneaky]

How would you feel if your long-term online lover disclosed to you that they had recently experienced a night of passion with a real life acquaintance? How would you react? Would you want to know the details? What would you say if they planned on seeing them again?

I would NOT want to know the details. If he planned on seeing her again, I think I would wish him well but close the chapter on what we share as it currently is. Silly as it sounds, even online, I'm a monogomous person by nature. I'm in all or nothing. I wouldn't be able to plug in and be as open as I am now if I knew he was pounding some slutty whore with bad shoes. Not that I'd be angry about it.:gs

[Sensual Woman]

I would NOT want to know the details. If he planned on seeing her again, I think I would wish him well but close the chapter on what we share as it currently is. Silly as it sounds, even online, I'm a monogomous person by nature. I'm in all or nothing. I wouldn't be able to plug in and be as open as I am now if I knew he was pounding some slutty whore with bad shoes. Not that I'd be angry about it.:gs



Me too, Sneaky. When I am involved with someone, even online, I give my all to them, and I am very faithful. I would wish them well but close the chapter of our relationship as well.

[OnceAKing]

I would NOT want to know the details. If he planned on seeing her again, I think I would wish him well but close the chapter on what we share as it currently is. Silly as it sounds, even online, I'm a monogomous person by nature. I'm in all or nothing. I wouldn't be able to plug in and be as open as I am now if I knew he was pounding some slutty whore with bad shoes. Not that I'd be angry about it.:gs



Oh bad shoes...damn when I first read it I "saw" bed sores...I was thinkin, "yeah that'd sort of piss me off though"...

[OnceAKing]

Cheating = Mushrooms? :sc
and to think...I love cheating on my pizza

[Big O]

I would be pissed off.....

[pointofnoreturn]

On line lover?????Cheating???Already married?????EVeryone is different, and You just need to be comfortable with yourself... Why an online lover would deserve more honesty than a spouse?????? No answer for this one. Enjoy the time you have here on earth. When it is gone, it is gone....

[Han Solo]

I would NOT want to know the details.
[B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkorange]

OK...let me answer these in order.........First..........:bs

if I knew he was pounding some slutty whore

Uh....thanks for your support in the quality of women I pursue :rolleyes:

with bad shoes

I'm quite certain they would match ;)

Not that I'd be angry about it

FYI....Oh, I suddenly forgot...I AM available on Saturday night after all.....plans fell through:sg

[Han Solo]

But as far as the rest of having issues if you found out the person had a fling one night??.......That all depends on what qualities you became attracted to in that person for in the first place. If what drew you to that person was certain things that they believed in and how they lived their life and certain values that they held then it would be more of an issue because it wasn't necessarily just a sexual fling for satisfaction. That now represents a pretty big behavior shift in what you believed in them about for that long term.

I'm sure there are people who can live with sort of an open policy about all that stuff or are more open sexually about how they treat their online relationship and maybe having a little Nooky on the side is talked about and acceptable to make the situation work. But if part of your relationship was built around feeling like you held similar values in the sex department and what that meant as far as taking that step of actually doing it with someone......then I suppose it would represent a pretty weird blow if this sudden fling was out of character to YOUR particular person.

[Sneaky]

But as far as the rest of having issues if you found out the person had a fling one night??.......That all depends on what qualities you became attracted to in that person for in the first place. If what drew you to that person was certain things that they believed in and how they lived their life and certain values that they held then it would be more of an issue because it wasn't necessarily just a sexual fling for satisfaction. That now represents a pretty big behavior shift in what you believed in them about for that long term.

I'm sure there are people who can live with sort of an open policy about all that stuff or are more open sexually about how they treat their online relationship and maybe having a little Nooky on the side is talked about and acceptable to make the situation work. But if part of your relationship was built around feeling like you held similar values in the sex department and what that meant as far as taking that step of actually doing it with someone......then I suppose it would represent a pretty weird blow if this sudden fling was out of character to YOUR particular person.

That was very well articulated.
And I know you'll be shocked....but I agree.:kk

[Yankee]

That was very well articulated.
And I know you'll be shocked....but I agree.:kk

I agree too . . . it was well spoken.

Is he ok?

[Sneaky]

I agree too . . . it was well spoken.

Is he ok?

Yeah. He has a thoughtful and very grounded side to him. He tries to disguise it sometimes.:inlve

[Yankee]

Yeah. He has a thoughtful and very grounded side to him. He tries to disguise it sometimes.:inlve

It has been peeking quite frequently lately. :)

But I'm done taking his advice . . . that's just trouble.

[Han Solo]

I agree too . . . it was well spoken.

Is he ok?
Well I didn't masturbate today...and I'm kinda like George Costanza...when I don't have sex I become smarter :sg

[Yankee]

Well I didn't masturbate today...and I'm kinda like George Costanza...when I don't have sex I become smarter :sg

Brain cells in your ejaculate huh?

It's a common problem.

[Han Solo]

That was very well articulated.
And I know you'll be shocked....but I agree.:kk
:eek:

[Nice]

He's been peeking at BOB???:yks I'm telling!
It has been peeking quite frequently lately. :)

But I'm done taking his advice . . . that's just trouble.

[Yankee]

He's been peeking at BOB???:yks I'm telling!

Like ya'll don't know Han . . . .

Don't act shocked.

[Sneaky]

It has been peeking quite frequently lately. :)

But I'm done taking his advice . . . that's just trouble.

LOL. Yeah. I saw what happend there.

[Han Solo]

I'll have a gander at your Chopstick any day big boy! :crs

[Xanadu7]

I guess I'm old fashioned, but I figure, until I put a ring on a girl's finger, I have no say over what she does. But I'm still learning about the whole "online relationship" thing. If nothing else, it is all truly fascinating.

But it in some ways, it sounds like Lord Voldemort splitting his soul into multiple horcruxes. You got your wife, you got your online girlfriend, and NOW you got your real life girlfriend? Holy Juggling Act Batman! Spending much time with your children DAD???

[Han Solo]

LOL. Yeah. I saw what happend there.
Well.....sometimes the student just can't measure up to the master :sg

[Yankee]

Well.....sometimes the student just can't measure up to the master :sg

Which sooooo explains the Bob envy.

[tadpole]

Gosh I hope I would just be smart enough to know.....i really think those kind of surprises suck......truly i do.....

[Han Solo]

Which sooooo explains the Bob envy.
I was talking about ME dipstick!! ....How come my line gets YOUR ass kicked, but gets ME crazy, hot sex?? ...........you do the math there student ;)

[Yankee]

I was talking about ME dipstick!! ....How come my line gets YOUR ass kicked, but gets ME crazy, hot sex?? ...........you do the math there student ;)

I know . . . I know

According to the Master Han Handbook for Subduing Your Woman . . .

"When in doubt . . . just TELL THEM you're hung. Then turn out the lights."

[Han Solo]

I know . . . I know

According to the Master Han Handbook for Subduing Your Woman . . .

"When in doubt . . . just TELL THEM you're hung. Then turn out the lights."

EVERYTHING is bigger and better on the intenet :ok........Well, that an a webcam with a zoom lens ;)

[Sneaky]

I know . . . I know

According to the Master Han Handbook for Subduing Your Woman . . .

"When in doubt . . . just TELL THEM you're hung. Then turn out the lights."

Oh? He said that works? :sc

[Yankee]

EVERYTHING is bigger and better on the intenet :ok........Well, that an a webcam with a zoom lens ;)

Where are the settings for my cam?

[Yankee]

Oh? He said that works? :sc


Yes . . . and you see . . . I'm alone. :(

[jmsmith12345]

can we please stop another thread about how Han's blaster is the quickest in the galaxy...I think poor Sneaky has suffered enough.

[Sneaky]

LOL. Does it appear that Han has subdued me?

[sassynsweet]

Han... Yankee...

there's a pile of pebbles here on the floor. which one of you is the grasshopper? Pick up your mess dagnabbit!

[Sneaky]

Yes . . . and you see . . . I'm alone. :(

Aw. Where's Fav?

[Han Solo]

can we please stop another thread about how Han's blaster is the quickest in the galaxy...I think poor Sneaky has suffered enough.
I can't help it that you are all infatuated with my junk ;)

[Yankee]

LOL. Does it appear that Han has subdued me?

No it doesn't.

That's why I laugh so hard when he claims to. :)

I play along 'cause it makes him feel like a mentor.

Apparently his application for Big Brothers has been "lost".

[Han Solo]

LOL. Does it appear that Han has subdued me?
Have your public show of independence, that's fine....we know who runs the show in private though :ok

[jmsmith12345]

I can't help it that you are all infatuated with my junk ;)

You are like Sanford and Son reruns...we don;t know why we still watch, but your junk is still fascinating.

[Yankee]

You are like Sanford and Son reruns...we don;t know why we still watch, but your junk is still fascinating.

And cheap.

[Sneaky]

You are like Sanford and Son reruns...we don;t know why we still watch, but your junk is still fascinating.

Ohhh. I know why I watch.:ok

[jmsmith12345]

Ohhh. I know why I watch.:ok

only because Direct TV forces you

[Han Solo]

Ohhh. I know why I watch.:ok
Yeah me too...how did that line go..........."Oh, it's the big one now...I can feel it comin'...it's the big one"
:D

[Sneaky]

Have your public show of independence, that's fine....we know who runs the show in private though :ok

Shshsshshsh. LOL. "Who's is this?" is for private time.

[Yankee]

Aw. Where's Fav?

Getting frustrated that she can't get to me.

She's unable to log on right now. :)

[Han Solo]

Shshsshshsh. LOL. "Who's is this?" is for private time.
Well, we have to let some of the trade secrets slip out to Yankee once in awhile so he has half a chance to get it right ;)

[Yankee]

Well, we have to let some of the trade secrets slip out to Yankee once in awhile so he has half a chance to get it right ;)


OMG . . . I knew "Who's it was" 2 months ago . . .

I learn quick.

[jmsmith12345]

Can the Han and Sneaky soft porn hour please cease and desist now...I lost my chubby

[Asha]

I lost my chubby

I have a pair of lips that can help you out with that :D

[Sneaky]

Getting frustrated that she can't get to me.

She's unable to log on right now. :)

Can you get to her is you "Log Off"?
Snort.

[Han Solo]

Can the Han and Sneaky soft porn hour please cease and desist now...I lost my chubby

Then we've done our service to society then....mission accomplished!

[jmsmith12345]

I have a pair of lips that can help you out with that :D

just one pair...I thought they came in 3s

[jmsmith12345]

Then we've done our service to society then....mission accomplished!

you are just happy for a little reprieve...oops sorry to mention Cy after such a long hiatus

[Yankee]

I have a pair of lips that can help you out with that :D

And so begins the Asha-jm soft porn hour.

[jmsmith12345]

And so begins the Asha-jm soft porn hour.

this from a man name Yankee???

[Han Solo]

I have a pair of lips that can help you out with that :D
OK...Now THAT'S a disturbing image:shp:

[Yankee]

Can you get to her is you "Log Off"?
Snort.


It's ALMOST funny . . .

She's on . . .

then off . . .

off and on.

off and on.

The little box telling me she's IM pops up . . . then goes away.

Pops up . . . then goes away.

She's gonna be pissy.

[jmsmith12345]

OK...Now THAT'S a disturbing image:shp:

like Ticklebum isn't???

[NeilC]

Lot of questions and just a little information. But heres my take on it.
Online relatiionships are not so much differnt than what you find in r/l.
Being how this is a married and flirting site its pretty safe to guess most of the people here are married ..be it happily married or just married _________ anyway.
I guess it all boils down to a couple of key points. If by some means you have made a promise to each other to be "exclusive" to each other then I guess I would feel hurt and betrayed. It you have not made any kind of commitment to each other than just a little play time on the side ...well how can you blame a person for taking more than one lover be it cyber or r/l. For me the most important thing is honesty... I would sooner face the truth and deal with it in a way that works for me as discover that I have been lied to in order to "protect" my feelings.

[Han Solo]

It's ALMOST funny . . .

She's on . . .

then off . . .

off and on.

off and on.

The little box telling me she's IM pops up . . . then goes away.

Pops up . . . then goes away.

She's gonna be pissy.


Fortunately for you YOUNG GRASSHOPPER, I have a WEALTH of knowledge on dealing with Pissy women......call me when you get back;)

[Fwd40s]

I would be in a state of shock since I didn't know I had an online lover.

[leggy4]

I would be in a state of shock since I didn't know I had an online lover.

YOU CAD how could u forget me so soon??????LOL:ok:ok:ok:ok

[Fwd40s]

YOU CAD how could u forget me so soon??????LOL:ok:ok:ok:ok


I could never ever ever ever forget you :sng. Can I have a lick now or are you going to hold that thing forever.

[leggy4]

yea holding on until I get the damn laptop back... hubs computer until then.....Of course all his pics hve locks on them.. when I ask him he says geezz I don't know that much about computers....... bla blab bla....... see why I am here????????

[discreet2u4u]

Reality or virtuality..hmmm :sc.... there's really not much to think about. The real thing is what most of us want to pursue. I wouldn't blame an online lover for taking advantage of an opportunity. I am quite sure I would do it.

[Fwd40s]

yea holding on until I get the damn laptop back... hubs computer until then.....Of course all his pics hve locks on them.. when I ask him he says geezz I don't know that much about computers....... bla blab bla....... see why I am here????????

My pics don't have locks on them so feel free to use my computer :sng.
And you can sit on my lap while you use it :ok

[leggy4]

Why thank u for the cordial invitation.....:D

[cherri]

It's a risk. We all take it. I wouldn't feel hurt by it, because I go into things with my eyes wide open. I don't place limitations on him or restrictions on our relationship. I can't, since, I am married with limitations of my own. It would be ironic, if I was cheating on my husband to be with him, but yet, would want a full-committment from him where he couldn't have the freedom to go elsewhere. That is insane! If I wanted that kind of relationship, I would get a divorce first, then ask for a committment like that knowing I was giving him the same loyalty he deserved. I can't expect loyalty from him if I'm not willing to give it in return. Would I be mad? No, a little hurt, but I'm an adult, I'll deal with it. Would I want to know the details? Oh, fuck, yeah! Wierd, I know! I would be curious, he's my best friend, he can tell me anything without any reprocut. I would be comfortable with it, joke with him a little, and tell him I'm happy for him. Because he is my friend, and that is all I want. I don't want to start trouble, or start a fight, it's just not me. He's more important to me, and the relationship & understanding we have together is worth so much more than that.

[GeekMaster]

It's a risk. We all take it. I wouldn't feel hurt by it, because I go into things with my eyes wide open. I don't place limitations on him or restrictions on our relationship. I can't, since, I am married with limitations of my own. It would be ironic, if I was cheating on my husband to be with him, but yet, would want a full-committment from him where he couldn't have the freedom to go elsewhere. That is insane! If I wanted that kind of relationship, I would get a divorce first, then ask for a committment like that knowing I was giving him the same loyalty he deserved. I can't expect loyalty from him if I'm not willing to give it in return. Would I be mad? No, a little hurt, but I'm an adult, I'll deal with it. Would I want to know the details? Oh, fuck, yeah! Wierd, I know! I would be curious, he's my best friend, he can tell me anything without any reprocut. I would be comfortable with it, joke with him a little, and tell him I'm happy for him. Because he is my friend, and that is all I want. I don't want to start trouble, or start a fight, it's just not me. He's more important to me, and the relationship & understanding we have together is worth so much more than that.

It's a risk. We all take it. I wouldn't feel hurt by it, because I go into things with my eyes wide open. I don't place limitations on her or restrictions on our relationship. I can't, since, I am married with limitations of my own. It would be ironic, if I was cheating on my wife to be with her, but yet, would want a full-committment from her where she couldn't have the freedom to go elsewhere. That is insane! If I wanted that kind of relationship, I would get a divorce first, then ask for a committment like that knowing I was giving her the same loyalty she deserved. I can't expect loyalty from her if I'm not willing to give it in return. Would I be mad? No, a little hurt, but I'm an adult, I'll deal with it. Would I want to know the details? Oh, fuck, yeah! Wierd, I know! I would be curious, she's my best friend, she can tell me anything without any reprocut. I would be comfortable with it, joke with her a little, and tell her I'm happy for her. Because she is my friend, and that is all I want. I don't want to start trouble, or start a fight, it's just not me. She's more important to me, and the relationship & understanding we have together is worth so much more than that.

Cheri said it so well, I chose to plagerize.

Why could/should I have anything to say to my online lover in regards to her personal "real life?"

Here is my stance on online relationships. ><


1. I ask for no strings or restrictions.
2. I offer no strings or restrictions.
3. I respect and appreciate ANY of herself that she shares with me.
4. I do not OWN her or any of her actions.
5. I strive to make sure that I earn her trust and friendship.
6. She is a lady and and deserves no less than proper respect from me.
7. If she meets someone in real life, I am happy for her!
8. I love hearing about her finding, having, and enjoying pleasures! ><

[Rex]

Nailed It

[ladynw8ing]

It's a risk. We all take it. I wouldn't feel hurt by it, because I go into things with my eyes wide open. I don't place limitations on her or restrictions on our relationship. I can't, since, I am married with limitations of my own. It would be ironic, if I was cheating on my wife to be with her, but yet, would want a full-committment from her where she couldn't have the freedom to go elsewhere. That is insane! If I wanted that kind of relationship, I would get a divorce first, then ask for a committment like that knowing I was giving her the same loyalty she deserved. I can't expect loyalty from her if I'm not willing to give it in return. Would I be mad? No, a little hurt, but I'm an adult, I'll deal with it. Would I want to know the details? Oh, fuck, yeah! Wierd, I know! I would be curious, she's my best friend, she can tell me anything without any reprocut. I would be comfortable with it, joke with her a little, and tell her I'm happy for her. Because she is my friend, and that is all I want. I don't want to start trouble, or start a fight, it's just not me. She's more important to me, and the relationship & understanding we have together is worth so much more than that.

Cheri said it so well, I chose to plagerize.

Why could/should I have anything to say to my online lover in regards to her personal "real life?"

Here is my stance on online relationships.


1. I ask for no strings or restrictions.
2. I offer no strings or restrictions.
3. I respect and appreciate ANY of herself that she shares with me.
4. I do not OWN her or any of her actions.
5. I strive to make sure that I earn her trust and friendship.
6. She is a lady and and deserves no less than proper respect from me.
7. If she meets someone in real life, I am happy for her!
8. I love hearing about her finding, having, and enjoying pleasures!


Those look like rules to being on M&F!.....I was looking for a rule book....Thanks!

[daisyduck]

well said Geek!! that should be in the rules!

[Brink]

Thanks for the perspectives, guys…

The mental block still remains preventing me from summing up exactly how I feel, but here's the interim report! I know that I would be fearful for her well-being in the first instance, but I’d also feel knocked back that she gave herself to somebody else before really approaching the possibility with me. And it would make me rethink her character; make me wonder if my judgements about other things were accurate. I’d have to analyse every aspect of it, so I’d be forcing myself to listen to the details. I would question her unremittingly; I wouldn't be able to stop. It probably would lead to the dwindling of the relationship.

~Logic and rationality~ I think to truly believe in an online romance, and become enchanted by the experience, you invariably let go of these along the way. There’s nothing rational in frantically typing away until dawn, telling someone that you’ve never kissed before that you love them! It becomes harder to keep things in perspective because the margins are forever being played with just to keep things rewarding. From the outside, it may be common sense to predict that a cheater might cheat, or to give them allowances because you’re both cheating together - and you’ve no moral high-ground whatsoever - but gut instincts, responses, and deep-set feelings tend to override this practical reasoning...It might be that they went and found the physical experience they couldn't have with you, but maybe you felt that you were providing that all along - that the connection was so magical it held no bounds.

What is clear from the responses is how differently people view the rights and responsibilities surrounding online relationships. It’s true that you define your own as you go along, and the only issue is that you stand by what you've agreed, but it’s not until a big test comes along that you can really discover where you stand! Sounds a little ominous, but this clearly was a hypothetical scenario designed just to test me, and I know exactly where she is every hour of the day, and......Oh, wait - what an absurd thing to say - I have no clue where she might honestly be right now! See, this is what happens when you start believing!! You give over all your trust and good faith, and just like any relationship, that can devast you if it's trampled all over.

[scoobertina]

How would you feel if your long-term online lover disclosed to you that they had recently experienced a night of passion with a real life acquaintance? How would you react? Would you want to know the details? What would you say if they planned on seeing them again?

Would you feel rejected, jealous, crushed, cheated on? Would you consider breaking things off? Or, as they are already married, would you just put it to one side – their real life is their own business - and move on? How would this compare to discovering they were having another online relationship? And other questions….

I was given this scenario the other night, but I couldn’t really comprehend how I'd feel!

I think I would want to know the details.. I am very open about things.. however if that person and I couldn't meet for some reason I may get jealous just a bit that someone I wanted so badly had someone else who wasn't me..

but I think the details could turn me on.. of course I do NOT have an online lover.. and I do know how I felt when I was with this really great man online.. and he knew someone in real life who kept offerning herself to him.. he refused to ever meet me and I was beside myself.. I know that nothing ever happened there.. and he told me everything about their friendship.. but I still was very, very jealous everytime they went to lunch together.. for she got to sit across from him, to look at him.. to see him laugh... smile.. to touch him.. to hug him.. yeah.. it wasn't easy.. but I managed because I cared so much for him..

[Rolex24]

I know that bum....Hi....Timberwolf

[Danso]

I'd be happy for her and ask her to share whichever details she felt comfortable sharing. Given that we have pretty decent contraception these days, aside from potential disease, what's the problem with a lover experiencing enjoyment with someone else? It's not like they are going to wear out or anything.

[laineycali]

Im with the group that thinks if there is an online affair....then its already established no one is truely commited and therefore either could find 'other' fun in real life. That said... if your entering into an online affair.you can have that conversation where you discuss each persons commitment to the other and weather or not out side 'fun' could should or would happen... In otherwords each relationship is unique and u cant judge by what another person has done....and everyone needs to talk and be honest ..

[Xanadu7]

I'd be lookin to kick fever's ass! :nu

[laineycali]

I'd be lookin to kick fever's ass! :nu

whoa .......there's no call for violence now!!!...eaaaaaaasy killer....

[siv7]

I have to say...I have no comment... :)

[blu]

be my guess if they did, they arent gonna tell you

[Frenchie_lady]

I'm no expert in long term online relationships (they pretty much didn't work out for me) but I know that there are huge differences in all of them.

If I was in a relationship that was aiming for meeting and trying it out in real life, it would be a huge blow for me and I would probably feel betrayed and the trust would be totally crushed.

If I was in a relationship that was clearly never gonna get close to real life, its the type of things i would probably like to discuss with him and would be ok with it; given that it was discussed and open.

There again, depends on each of individual personalities! I don't think there is any rules for everyone: each their own! Just make sure you let your online bf/gf knows about your views and you know about his or hers (just like everything else in a relationship)

[scoobertina]

online lover.... is this person going to ever meet you? if not, then why would you get upset if they had a real life affair? I mean.. honestly.. if you are online lovers he or she is already cheating on someone with you.. why would you expect them to be true to you and well as their spouse?

sorry, but I do not trust anyone enough to believe that I could ever be the one or the only one.. I know that the men I do end up talking to will never want just me.. I have known that for a long time.. for a man or woman to be in an online affair makes it more possible for them to do it in person too..

sorry if I seem harsh, but I honestly do not believe that online relationships can be one on one for very long.. there are a few who work out.. and those I applaud.. but I just don't see most being true one on one...

and if you only knew of the men who are in "relationships" online who have come to me for fun.. as if I would do anything like that...

[blu]

I have to say...I have no comment... :)
sometimes no comment, is more of a comment then if you had actually made a comment

[PEBBLIEPOO]

Well if we lived thousands of miles apart and had no chance of meeting I wil not care becouse he is looking for something i can not give him at that time.

And if we lived with in a couple hundred miles or in the same state and had a chance of meeting i would be pissed and would want to know why it was not me and it was the other woman.

[Sinster]

Hard to answer this one because most are married so you can't really get to that zone where you have exclusive dibs, but if I really fell for someone and she was single and alone in another country I would move to be with her, 'IF' it did happen to me in the way the OP stated it would do more then crush me.

[iowamirage]

Well.. I guess having an online affair doesn't always mean one tells the truth, does it?

[Sneaky]

I guess if you are lucky enough to find someone that you connect with in that way & you both feel the same way...if you both put a lot of energy & emotion & parts of your heart into it...if you talk every day...then I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation.

It seems like the odds of meeting someone that you can stay in a relationship in this capacity are quite slim, so if it does I believe it should be cherished and respected.

It's a personal decision for each couple. Some are loyal to each other. You don't know everyone's circumstances. I realize someone could label me an idiot somewhere down the line for believing in something so silly...I realize that two years ago I would have said the same thing...and I don't care. It brings me happiness.

[One Song Hero]

My love online deserves more love than I am able to give her. She is not someone who takes our love and ours or anyone's feelings lightly. If she ever needed something or someone I would hope she would find it.

I realize I am trying to catch a waterfall in one outstretched paper cup.
.

[fever]

I'd be lookin to kick fever's ass! :nu

whoa .......there's no call for violence now!!!...eaaaaaaasy killer....

No worries...as long as I get the girl!!!

[CJSinIL]

More power to them. I'm not their husband and don't have a right to get angry.

I may or may not want details. ha ha

[brian10501]

This is a strange dichotomy for me. On one hand I've experienced an online lover finding someone, and it depressed me. Not that I have any say in the matter, but it bothered me nonetheless.
On the other hand, a woman whom I have a FWB relationship with, I have never ever been jealous and we frequently share with each other our dalliances.

I can't figure it out....

[tag539]

I'd be ok with it!

[tag539]

If anyone had the right to be jealous, it would be the spouse! lol

[rocky52]

I would just want to hear all the details :)

[(guest)]

If anyone had the right to be jealous, it would be the spouse! lol
I agree :) but I would be jealous. I would eventually be happy for him because he should have whatever makes him happy.

[Catman354]

Wow, what an insane thought!!! ok so she is having an affair with me, secretly while she is cheating in real life with someone else...it sounds like Mr. Hubby is a pretty sorry lonely soul!!!! But truthfully, I don't think she would have time for me with all that would be going on in real life.

[scoobertina]

I would want to be my online lovers whole world... if he was married and having a real life affair then why does he need me? he obviously has enough of his plate.. and I would have to break it off... I really do want to be the universe for someone... and even if he was seeing others online while with me... if I found out I would have to walk away... I can share to a point...

[tag539]

Good points Tina.

[FizProf]

I think I've been there and survived

[Singeon]

Better to ask me..."What if my on-line lover had an affair..with me?"

On-line is fine if thats all you have...but friends....it cannot nor ever will compare to the real thing...:-)

If she did...with another?....just hose me off the driveway like any other crushed object...

[KMike66]

I would encourage it... at least one of us would get some physical contact occasionally.. but I just can't see myself having an "affair" ...I would have to get to know someone first.. and if that were the case... my online flame would know.. I can't be intimate with someone and not be honest with them... real or virtual.

[jrbeach57]

I'd take that a sign that I should simply move on ........

[Forster2]

if my online lover had a real life affair with me i would be (for that read am) very chuffed

[NurseDude66]

I am more searching for an intellectual/emotional connection... so if she was to need something local for a physical thing, then I suppose it was time we part and find someone who best met our needs...with some regret, certainly.

[glamrockfan]

i guess it would all depend on the boundaries/rules that were established when you started the relationship

[neil48]

:sc.....hmm

[Dsparate No More]

My on-line lover has become my lover in real life....If he had an affair....ANY type of affair.....I would be devastated......

[Fwd40s]

As long as it's with me, I would be ok with that.

[scoobertina]

being at a married and flirting site I don't see the difference.. if they are having an affair with me why wouldn't they have an affair with someone else too... I would only be upset if they told me that they loved me and they were doing everything in their power to be with me... and they had someone else on the side... when I become your "one" I want to be the only one then...

[katydid2]

I agree with Scoob. Once someone has committed himself to me and only me, I would expect him to respect that commitment. So, if he had an affair in real life, I would have to leave him.

[happygirl101]

I would be pissed off, but I guess I couldn't exactly complain. I would of course leave his ass. I would never speak to him again.