Getting Divorced in 13 years

[Cinciguy1]

I'll get right to the point. I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman. We get along great. The problem is I am no longer attracted to her. I have been at odds with myself over it, and realize that I do not want to get a divorce because I do not want to break up the family. I have a 5 year-old daughter and an 8 year-old son. I love them more than anything.

I have come to realize that I should be thankful for what I currently have and live life to the fullest with my kids. I have decided that unless my feelings change for my wife, I will not divorce until my youngest is out of high school.

I'd like to know if anyone else out there is in the same boat as me - male or female? How do you cope with it? What struggles do you encounter? I'd like to just share my feelings and frustrations with those in a similar situation.

[Kissie]

I understand that you love your children...but I dont understand the staying together until they are out of high school...do you think it is going to be easier for them then????? Is it fair to them that you stay in a situation that you are not happy with??? Kids are pretty smart...they can feel when things are not quite right...and dont you think that they can tell that there is something different going on????
I am not trying to be a bitch here....just help me understand....please....

[jmsmith12345]

Are you not attracted to her anymore, or is there someone else who has caught your fancy and puts your wife in the "old shoes" category? Maybe you two just need to reconnect and find more than that initial attraction.

[OnceAKing]

I can certainly understand your decision, not that I necessarily agree. I did the same thing for the same reason and I did make it...through 15 years of the same thing. I think I managed it by becoming totally involved in my work and my youngest, a natural musician, so I was like a stage dad with her. I'm not sure that I wouldn't do it all different if I knew what I know now and had to do it all over again.

We're all different so you have to do what you are comfortable and can live with. After all you're the one who has to lay down with yourself and sleep every night. I know when I remembered why I was staying and focused on trying to be civil things went along pretty smooth...there were in fact many happy, fun moments but in between them was like running a marathon through an obstacle course just trying to live with her daily and not commit suicide or homicide.

Anyway, wish you the best and try to make the quality of life for your kids the daily enjoyment and not focus on what you're enduring daily for them...otherwise there is a resentment factor that can sneak up on you...I admire you for sorting through it all and making a plan that works for you.

OAK

[Ally]

I'll get right to the point. I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman. We get along great. The problem is I am no longer attracted to her. I have been at odds with myself over it, and realize that I do not want to get a divorce because I do not want to break up the family. I have a 5 year-old daughter and an 8 year-old son. I love them more than anything.

I have come to realize that I should be thankful for what I currently have and live life to the fullest with my kids. I have decided that unless my feelings change for my wife, I will not divorce until my youngest is out of high school.

I'd like to know if anyone else out there is in the same boat as me - male or female? How do you cope with it? What struggles do you encounter? I'd like to just share my feelings and frustrations with those in a similar situation.

OKAY....this is one that I know something about. My parents divorced 2 years ago after 35 years of marriage. In many conversations with my dad, he said that he stayed because of my sister and I. He said that when I was a baby, he looked at me and decided in his mind that he would "stick it out" for me....that he would wait until I was 16 and then he would leave. When I was 16, that's what he did. He left. He came back and just recently left again for good. My sister refuses to see or speak to him, even after 2 years because he had an affair. She is so angry with him. I talk to him still....but basically, he has lost one of his daughters and I'm not sure my sister will ever forgive him.

SO...here are a few reasons why it's a bad idea. First of all, if you wait until she's finished high school....that is a TERRIBLE time to choose. That is a time that maybe she's heading off to college. There are major life changes happening to her ALREADY....and to add the stress of her parents breaking up makes things worse.

Secondly, you aren't doing your children ANY favors by staying. Believe me, I know. Your intentions are good....you want your children to grow up with a home with two parents...but as soon as you walk out that door, they will have a sense of "omg....was it all fake?".

I know there are many who stay for the sake of the children....I'm battling that a bit right now too. I'm in marriage counseling MOSTLY for the sake of our daughter. I want to make sure that I'm not giving up on that two parent home easily. However, if I figure out that I myself can't be truly happy here with him, then I will leave. Because I would rather my daughter grow up seeing her mother HAPPY than just "sticking it out". Because children sense that. You are modelling what a relationship looks like..and if that relationship is fake or with little affection....then that's not a very good picture to paint for their future either. They will learn that settling is okay instead of going after what they truly want.

Everyone is different....and I'm just speaking from my experience and thoughts on it since my parents separated. Your situation sounds so similar to my dad's situation. He loved my mom.....but he knew that he wasn't where he wanted to be. I don't know how he did it for so many years.

Good luck Cinciguy.

[OGP]

I understand your situation, I am in a similar situation myself. There are many dynamics to consider before getting a divorce, the effect on children being not the least of these. IMHO the decision to stay in a "bad" marriage because of children is a personal choice and should be based on the expected effect (either way) on the kids.

In my case, my wife and I discussed divorce many years ago. She made it plain that she would do all she could to turn my children against me. I am not a vindictive person and would not give my children all the gory details so in that scenario I would lose badly. Add to that my experiences seeing other divorced fathers finding it difficult to coordinate time with their kids and I have made the same decision you have. I want to be right there for all of the ups and downs, the triumphs and failures, the day to day events of my children that go to make lasting memories. I bide my time, treat my wife with kindness and respect and look to a brighter future. A time when my children are old enough to understand.

[tadpole]

Above all, think your decision through. I completely agree with Ally and Oak. I currently am going through a divorce. I stayed for a long time for my kids. My oldest are 20 & 18. Then, I have an 8 year old. From my experience only, I can tell you that it is not easy on them at any age. My oldest kids wonder why I didn't divorce long ago. I filed two other times, but always took him back because "of the kids." I dreamt of that two parent home and that "safe" feeling. I never once thought of "me." After we reconnected the second time, I really tried. I put my heart and soul into my marriage, and it just wasn't there for me. I could no longer put up a front for him or for my kids, or allow my kids to see how he treated me. My youngest has never even seen his parents sleep in the same room. My oldest two have never seen parents truly love each other. I finally had to stop and say, "What am I doing?" Like Ally said, the kids may at some point see that the respect, etc. is just fake. I am sure there are flip sides to this coin, also. Just from my experience, I lost a part of me by staying, and that was not fair to my kids. My oldest two tell me things they remember that I never thought they would--I thought I was making it better for them, but found out I wasn't. Kids know when things are not right. Anyway......a lot of us have been there. We completely understand what you are going through. I sincerely hope it all works out for you!!!!

[blu]

I'll get right to the point. I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman. We get along great. The problem is I am no longer attracted to her. I have been at odds with myself over it, and realize that I do not want to get a divorce because I do not want to break up the family. I have a 5 year-old daughter and an 8 year-old son. I love them more than anything.

I have come to realize that I should be thankful for what I currently have and live life to the fullest with my kids. I have decided that unless my feelings change for my wife, I will not divorce until my youngest is out of high school.

I'd like to know if anyone else out there is in the same boat as me - male or female? How do you cope with it? What struggles do you encounter? I'd like to just share my feelings and frustrations with those in a similar situation.
i am hangiong on for my son, cause i feel it isnt his fault his parents shouldnt be together, and he deserves all i can give him all the time. im hoping to last till he graduates, but im unsure that i can. i am committed to him, and if that means i have to eat crow at home and suffer quietly to do better for him, i will. my day is coming

[MCat]

I understand that you love your children...but I don't understand the staying together until they are out of high school...do you think it is going to be easier for them then????? Is it fair to them that you stay in a situation that you are not happy with??? Kids are pretty smart...they can feel when things are not quite right...and dont you think that they can tell that there is something different going on????
I am not trying to be a bitch here....just help me understand....please....



It wasn't easier for me/us...waiting till my kids were grown...in fact I think it was worse for all of us. My daughter kind of knew things weren't quite right between her Father and I, but our son didn't have a clue. Then when the divorce happened, it hit him hard....as he described it to me " Mom, you've knocked the wind out of me...Mom I can't breathe." He still has not totally accepted my decisions, I doubt if he ever will. One good thing, he is at least talking to me now and he asked about OAK last time I was in Michigan...we are making a bit of progress.

[MCat]

OKAY....this is one that I know something about. My parents divorced 2 years ago after 35 years of marriage. In many conversations with my dad, he said that he stayed because of my sister and I. He said that when I was a baby, he looked at me and decided in his mind that he would "stick it out" for me....that he would wait until I was 16 and then he would leave. When I was 16, that's what he did. He left. He came back and just recently left again for good. My sister refuses to see or speak to him, even after 2 years because he had an affair. She is so angry with him. I talk to him still....but basically, he has lost one of his daughters and I'm not sure my sister will ever forgive him.

SO...here are a few reasons why it's a bad idea. First of all, if you wait until she's finished high school....that is a TERRIBLE time to choose. That is a time that maybe she's heading off to college. There are major life changes happening to her ALREADY....and to add the stress of her parents breaking up makes things worse. I agree totally...

Secondly, you aren't doing your children ANY favors by staying. Believe me, I know. Your intentions are good....you want your children to grow up with a home with two parents...but as soon as you walk out that door, they will have a sense of "omg....was it all fake?". Yes...my son mentioned this too....he said "So mom, was it all pretend?"

I know there are many who stay for the sake of the children....I'm battling that a bit right now too. I'm in marriage counseling MOSTLY for the sake of our daughter. I want to make sure that I'm not giving up on that two parent home easily. However, if I figure out that I myself can't be truly happy here with him, then I will leave. Because I would rather my daughter grow up seeing her mother HAPPY than just "sticking it out". Because children sense that. You are modeling what a relationship looks like..and if that relationship is fake or with little affection....then that's not a very good picture to paint for their future either. They will learn that settling is okay instead of going after what they truly want. My daughter settled...thinking she couldn't find a husband who was truly interested in what she wanted...so she took what she got and just existed. She was married 8 years, now divorced and very happy. No children thank goodness.

Everyone is different....and I'm just speaking from my experience and thoughts on it since my parents separated. Your situation sounds so similar to my dad's situation. He loved my mom.....but he knew that he wasn't where he wanted to be. I don't know how he did it for so many years.

Good luck Cinciguy.

Nice post Ally....

[Yankee]

Ally, Tad, OAK, Mcat . . .

Thank you all from the bottom of my very deep heart.

[Yankee]

A choice which to me is . . .

Teach my boys to take it like a man . . .

Or to stand like one.

[gdg]

WOW, all this hits too close to home, will have to come back to this thread.

[neil48]

I'll get right to the point. I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman. We get along great. The problem is I am no longer attracted to her. I have been at odds with myself over it, and realize that I do not want to get a divorce because I do not want to break up the family. I have a 5 year-old daughter and an 8 year-old son. I love them more than anything.

I have come to realize that I should be thankful for what I currently have and live life to the fullest with my kids. I have decided that unless my feelings change for my wife, I will not divorce until my youngest is out of high school.

I'd like to know if anyone else out there is in the same boat as me - male or female? How do you cope with it? What struggles do you encounter? I'd like to just share my feelings and frustrations with those in a similar situation.
I see, so you have been married for 13 years and your getting a divorce in 13 years, well a lot can happen over the next 13 years to change your mind, I mean that is 26 years of marriage all together.......good luck.

[WandaRing]

As ally, mcat and others have said, it doesn't ever get easier for anyone! I think you have to be honest with yourself and look at the whole picture...it's easy to say I'll stay for the kids then leave when they are older...but you're just pushing your feelings, needs, desire, honestly, respect and hope to the side. Soon you may begin to hate/resent your whole life as well as your partner.

Don't get me wrong, it's great that you want to be there for your kids and that you really love and care for them and want to try to do the right thing by them....but honestly are you really doing any good for any of you if you are hiding your true feelings and trying to bury your your needs and desires?

I think you really need to think this through and then talk with your wife...maybe there are things that you can do to spice life up in every area....at least you would be giving it a try and if it does not work think openly and honestly about what you need to do to be happy.

No one is saying you need to stay, but staying for the kids doesn't really work and I think it just makes you resent your partner more and more everyday...angry and resentment run the same line and your kids will pick up on it....I do feel badly for you...it's a tough feeling to deal with...I wish you luck in whatever you do.

[leighm]

Whatever you decide Cin.......the best of luck. Never an easy thing to decide but I really think the kids are the least of your worries. They are terribly resiliant and never given enough credit. I think the most important thing to do, even at this young age is to talk to them. They sense and see what is going on around them even if you don't tell them or try to hide things from them. If you let them know what is going on they will understand things better and cope alot better.
What are your wife's feelings on these matters?

[gdg]

First off, let me commend you for being honest, it is not easy.

I have read everyone's responses and they all make sense. The thing is, when you are smack dab in the middle of the situation, it does not seem so clear. I keep telling myself, I stay for the kids. I know deep down, I stay out of fear, fear of drama it will create, fear of the unknown, fear of my kids hating me. I could go on and on.

I agree, the kids know, I have no argument there. You hope to God they see it and don't make your mistakes. Some days things seem not so bad even and you think "hey, I can do this", then the other days come and you are reminded, "this sucks."

Guilt, I feel tremendous guilt. Maybe if is unjustified, but I feel it regardless. I do know that even if you feel the other person is more to blame for what is wrong in your marriage, is it fair to stay, knowing you don't love them anymore? Are they less entitled to find someone who may love them more? Hard questions to answer.

All I can add to this is hopefully, we figure it out in our own time, no one can push you to make the right decision. It is made when we are ready to make it.

[Curiousoneonly]

Cinci, I am sorry that you are going thru this as it is not an easy place to be.

My first marriage ended in divorce, my son was 8 years old when I followed thru with the divorce. Like you I was no longer attracted to my husband. I actually fell out of love with him.

Prior to the divorce I tried to make it work for the sake of my son. But over time I realized I could no longer stay in the marriage as I was not happy at all. I was quite miserable. One can only put up a front for so long until you reach a point where you are going to lose it, you know, snap.

I thought long and hard about everything. Would it be fair to my son to have lived a lie if I were to stay until he graduated. After trying to work things out a couple of different times I realized what it was I needed to do. I could no longer invest any more time in a marriage that was a lost cause.

I will never forget trying to explain to my son that mom and dad could not be together any longer and that I was not happy. I will never forget my son telling me that he wanted me to be happy but he wanted me to be happy with his dad. Talk about heartwrenching.

Anyhow, I guess only you know what is right for you and your children. Certainly what you plan on doing is noble but is it fair to your children? Is it fair to you? The time that you spend in this marriage not feeling fulfilled is time lost, time you will never get back. Once it is spent it's gone forever.

I wish you well.

[my2847]

OHH BOY can I relate and it makes me want to post a similar thread now... I feel for you dude...

[OGP]

Dang it all..... i was so sure of myself and my situation... now you are making me think.... and my head hurts....

[Cinciguy1]

I appreciate all the responses.

I do have to admit that me wanting to stay in the marriage isn't all about keeping the kids happy. I'm also thinking of myself too. Would I really be happier having this woman as my ex-wife instead of my wife? I don't know.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

I also think I jumped to the conclusion of divorcing in 13 years so that I know I have a solution. Whenever I encounter a "problem", I have to find a solution.

Maybe I should try harder in finding all the good things in her - and there are plenty of them.

One of the things that really bothers me is that she has put on a tremendous amount of weight and does nothing about it. I know, I know, tell me to love her for whats on the inside. I can't help it though. Before we married, she worked hard at keeping herself in shape. Now, there is no interest in doing so. I can't tell her this though. So I just bite my tongue.

Anyway, thanks for the responses and for letting me vent.

[WandaRing]

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do...someone is going to be hurt and it's usually the person trying to protect everyone and live life for everyone else...sometimes having choices and trying to do the right thing can make life even more difficult and painful.

If you can look yourself in the mirror everyday, have happy children and feel half way decent about your life and about yourself as person...you must be doing something right...

[WandaRing]

I appreciate all the responses.

I also think I jumped to the conclusion of divorcing in 13 years so that I know I have a solution. Whenever I encounter a "problem", I have to find a solution.

Maybe I should try harder in finding all the good things in her - and there are plenty of them.

One of the things that really bothers me is that she has put on a tremendous amount of weight and does nothing about it. I know, I know, tell me to love her for whats on the inside. I can't help it though. Before we married, she worked hard at keeping herself in shape. Now, there is no interest in doing so. I can't tell her this though. So I just bite my tongue.

Anyway, thanks for the responses and for letting me vent.
Sometimes we don't know the answers...we just need to go on as best as we can...

Hey Cinciguy you can vent any time...most of us have done it a time or two. There is nothing wrong with wanting your wife to look after herself...she just may need some help and encouragement to get going.

A nice way to get your wife interested in herself again...get her a spa treatment for her birthday or just as a surprise, she'll come out feeling better and wanting to make changes...send a friend with her...it makes the treatment more enjoyable.

You could also suggest that you both join a gym and work out together...tell her you need her encouragement to keep healthy that way she'll think she's going for you...

[Danso]

I appreciate all the responses.

I do have to admit that me wanting to stay in the marriage isn't all about keeping the kids happy. I'm also thinking of myself too. Would I really be happier having this woman as my ex-wife instead of my wife? I don't know.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

Yes, it always looks better on the other side. Human nature.

I also think I jumped to the conclusion of divorcing in 13 years so that I know I have a solution. Whenever I encounter a "problem", I have to find a solution.

Well, your choices are:
1) Stay with her and stay faithful
2) Stay with her and have another woman on the side
3) Leave

While I realize that you seem to be at #3 already, don't discount the other two possibilities. There is something there that used to attract you, where did it go? Can you get it back? If not, option #2 can be considered. Possibly, openly with your spouses knowledge.


Maybe I should try harder in finding all the good things in her - and there are plenty of them.

One of the things that really bothers me is that she has put on a tremendous amount of weight and does nothing about it. I know, I know, tell me to love her for whats on the inside. I can't help it though. Before we married, she worked hard at keeping herself in shape. Now, there is no interest in doing so. I can't tell her this though. So I just bite my tongue.

Anyway, thanks for the responses and for letting me vent.

Aha - you long for the thinner girl you married. Got it. Have you sat down and discussed this with her? Have you offered to help with the cooking, working out lighter calorie meals? Make a point of going for a walk every night after dinner - walking is good exercise and can be managed by almost anyone. Does she want to lose the weight? Would that help? If so, you might go so far as to chat with her doctor, there are ways to help. But, if she has no interest in losing weight, it's not gonna work.

I, too, am solutions oriented. I think the solution you need to find is what caused her to stop caring about her appearance and address that issue first.

Good luck - there are no easy answers at this point.

[Kissie]

It wasn't easier for me/us...waiting till my kids were grown...in fact I think it was worse for all of us. My daughter kind of knew things weren't quite right between her Father and I, but our son didn't have a clue. Then when the divorce happened, it hit him hard....as he described it to me " Mom, you've knocked the wind out of me...Mom I can't breathe." He still has not totally accepted my decisions, I doubt if he ever will. One good thing, he is at least talking to me now and he asked about OAK last time I was in Michigan...we are making a bit of progress.


I am glad that things are getting easier M....

[curiousity]

Yep I feel the same way. I am married to the world traveler and when he is home he is so emotionally detached that I haven't been close to him for quite some time. I have 6 kids so the divorce thing isn't happening right now, but I am missing the passion. Sometimes you just need to know its still there

[jasper669]

Yep I feel the same way. I am married to the world traveler and when he is home he is so emotionally detached that I haven't been close to him for quite some time. I have 6 kids so the divorce thing isn't happening right now, but I am missing the passion. Sometimes you just need to know its still there


Curiosity, welcome. Many here can, and want to, help. Enjoy the company. I look forward to chatting…

[Kissie]

I appreciate all the responses.

I do have to admit that me wanting to stay in the marriage isn't all about keeping the kids happy. I'm also thinking of myself too. Would I really be happier having this woman as my ex-wife instead of my wife? I don't know.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

I also think I jumped to the conclusion of divorcing in 13 years so that I know I have a solution. Whenever I encounter a "problem", I have to find a solution.

Maybe I should try harder in finding all the good things in her - and there are plenty of them.

One of the things that really bothers me is that she has put on a tremendous amount of weight and does nothing about it. I know, I know, tell me to love her for whats on the inside. I can't help it though. Before we married, she worked hard at keeping herself in shape. Now, there is no interest in doing so. I can't tell her this though. So I just bite my tongue.

Anyway, thanks for the responses and for letting me vent.


Well maybe there is a reason behind the weight gain...I am not the same "little woman" my hubby married 28 years ago either...but I am lucky he still tells me that I am beautiful!!!!!

[happygirl101]

I'll get right to the point. I've been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman. We get along great. The problem is I am no longer attracted to her. I have been at odds with myself over it, and realize that I do not want to get a divorce because I do not want to break up the family. I have a 5 year-old daughter and an 8 year-old son. I love them more than anything.

I have come to realize that I should be thankful for what I currently have and live life to the fullest with my kids. I have decided that unless my feelings change for my wife, I will not divorce until my youngest is out of high school.

I'd like to know if anyone else out there is in the same boat as me - male or female? How do you cope with it? What struggles do you encounter? I'd like to just share my feelings and frustrations with those in a similar situation.

Exactly the same situation only he isn't into me anymore and hasn't been for like 10 yrs. So finally, I am no longer into him...
My kids are 3 and 6 so I am on the 13 yr plan too ..well mayber 15.
I am pretty sure this is the wrong way to go, but I made my bed and I am taking responsiblity.
I have a good life just mostly sexless. Coming here is a saving grace, but also makes me unbelievable unhappy for what I could have and won't for well like 15 yrs.
I hope my rack still looks moderately this good, but i know it won't without surgery and well I think I wud look ridiculous by then all wrinkled and nana ish with perfect boobs!! Hmmm 58 and nana ish no way no me!!!

So I understand and empathise and am all emotional right now thinking about it! You are not alone by a long shot and I will be here if you need a friend or just an ear!!!!

[OGP]

Exactly the same situation only he isn't into me anymore and hasn't been for like 10 yrs. So finally, I am no longer into him...
My kids are 3 and 6 so I am on the 13 yr plan too ..well mayber 15.
I am pretty sure this is the wrong way to go, but I made my bed and I am taking responsiblity.
I have a good life just mostly sexless. Coming here is a saving grace, but also makes me unbelievable unhappy for what I could have and won't for well like 15 yrs.
I hope my rack still looks moderately this good, but i know it won't without surgery and well I think I wud look ridiculous by then all wrinkled and nana ish with perfect boobs!! Hmmm 58 and nana ish no way no me!!!

So I understand and empathise and am all emotional right now thinking about it! You are not alone by a long shot and I will be here if you need a friend or just an ear!!!!


:hug:

[Frenchie_lady]

Well, seems to be a very common situation.

I have not decided to divorce him, I have decided to get happy with what i have, even if its not what i wanted in life.

If I think of my mom, my grand parents... god knows i'm not going to be the first and neither will I be the last to be stuck in a marriage not so great.

Am I giving my daughter the right exemple? No... but marriage is a commitment, long term commitment in my opinion. I know she benefits of having both her parents with her: nothing is perfect.

[happygirl101]

Well, seems to be a very common situation.

I have not decided to divorce him, I have decided to get happy with what i have, even if its not what i wanted in life.

If I think of my mom, my grand parents... god knows i'm not going to be the first and neither will I be the last to be stuck in a marriage not so great.

Am I giving my daughter the right exemple? No... but marriage is a commitment, long term commitment in my opinion. I know she benefits of having both her parents with her: nothing is perfect.

You know you are doing what you need to when it is hard and it hurts.

I don't have emotional pain everyday but it is hard everday!!!!! I think it is worth it for my two sons!!!

[Cinciguy1]

Curiousity,

Thanks for sharing your situation. Its nice to know that others are in the same boat. How old is your youngest? Why are you not happy in the marriage? Lets keep the communication lines open to help each other out!

[Cinciguy1]

Well, seems to be a very common situation.

I have not decided to divorce him, I have decided to get happy with what i have, even if its not what i wanted in life.

If I think of my mom, my grand parents... god knows i'm not going to be the first and neither will I be the last to be stuck in a marriage not so great.

Am I giving my daughter the right exemple? No... but marriage is a commitment, long term commitment in my opinion. I know she benefits of having both her parents with her: nothing is perfect.

Dragon, You're right. Nothing is perfect and maybe I am expecting too much in the marriage. Also, I think that I felt better about the situation by coming to the decision that I will divorce in 13 years.

How old is your daughter? Why is your marriage unhappy?

[Cinciguy1]

Exactly the same situation only he isn't into me anymore and hasn't been for like 10 yrs. So finally, I am no longer into him...
My kids are 3 and 6 so I am on the 13 yr plan too ..well mayber 15.
I am pretty sure this is the wrong way to go, but I made my bed and I am taking responsiblity.
I have a good life just mostly sexless. Coming here is a saving grace, but also makes me unbelievable unhappy for what I could have and won't for well like 15 yrs.
I hope my rack still looks moderately this good, but i know it won't without surgery and well I think I wud look ridiculous by then all wrinkled and nana ish with perfect boobs!! Hmmm 58 and nana ish no way no me!!!

So I understand and empathise and am all emotional right now thinking about it! You are not alone by a long shot and I will be here if you need a friend or just an ear!!!!

Happygirl, Thanks for sharing. I have the same line of thinking of you is that I did indeed make a commitment and should take responsibility for the kids.

So in some respects this site makes you unhappy because it introduces you to people that you may connect with?

As far as your rack? Looking pretty good to me now. Don't know about 13 years from now, but maybe you can get a surgery in which they don't lift them up too high :)

Keep in touch.

[Augustus]

Well, seems to be a very common situation.

I have not decided to divorce him, I have decided to get happy with what i have, even if its not what i wanted in life.

If I think of my mom, my grand parents... god knows i'm not going to be the first and neither will I be the last to be stuck in a marriage not so great.

Am I giving my daughter the right exemple? No... but marriage is a commitment, long term commitment in my opinion. I know she benefits of having both her parents with her: nothing is perfect.

bingo.....

I am in the same boat.......

but when I look at every one else and see that they are happy with the situation and their way of life.......

I know that even though it not what I want or want to be, they are getting what they need and should have......

nothing perfect and leaving would not really make the situation any better than what it is now......


Augustus