View Full Version : Using sex as a barganing chip...
UnknownOnPurpose
08-17-2009, 03:04 PM
OK, not sure if this is the right place for this....
My wife just told me that she won't have sex with me until... I do whatever it is she wanted me to do. Well, using that as a barganing chip does NOTHING for making me want to do what she wanted..... It's a total turn off and now for DAMNED sure I'm not going to do it.
Anyway, I didn't just start this to bitch about it..... I really wanted to ask... how many of you do this, or have it done to you... what are your thoughts about it?
OnceAKing
08-17-2009, 03:10 PM
That did happen to me ONE time with my ex...I reminded her that she didn't have the pussy market cornered and I'd be happy to prove it to her. She never said that to me again...But It was a dumb assed move on my part...from then on it was like living in Naggityville...
So being a little wiser NOW? I'll gladly trade a good blow job for taking the trash out, huh Christy?
Tempest
08-17-2009, 03:11 PM
I've never used it as a bargaining chip. I think it's mean. Especially if that is already an issue in your marriage. I'm on the opposite side of the coin from you I think? I try to use it as a bribe, lol. Hell, I've even cleaned the house just to get laid...
Hope you get it resolved soon. And feel free to bitch about it - it SUCKS!
november
08-17-2009, 03:12 PM
the only time i refuse to have sex is when having an arguement. it is so wrong to withhold it just to get something you want.
Down to Zero
08-17-2009, 03:45 PM
only works for girls ..
Just thought I would finish your sentence
cherri
08-17-2009, 03:46 PM
I've never done it, and that's only because I have always been one who has always wanted it, and wanted more of it. Sex is something I don't use as a bargaining chip. Somehow it would take the value of it away and diminish it. Sex is worth more than that to me. It's not a negotiation, and shouldn't be treated as such.
My advice, which I only give to guys who are my best buds, is that you shouldn't let her use sex as a negotiation tool. Even if you are willing to do anything to get it and/or get more of it. She already assumes you will do anything and uses it as leverage over you. Don't let her. Turn the tables, and tell her you are not going to be manipulated, and that sex means more to you than that. That she has just diminished your sexual relationship to a game of strategy, of one trying to get one over on the other. And you're not in this to play games. Tell her you're not going to jump through hoops, and perform like a dancing bear at the circus. You're a guy, and you have wants and needs, no doubt, but if this is what you're reduced to....then you would rather do without. And stay firm with that! Good luck! I hope it works out for you, and she stops using it as a tool of manipulation. Ultimately she is cheating you out of a normal, healthy, sexual intimate relationship. As far as why women play games? Because that's all they know, and they probably don't know of any other way. Teach her that there is other ways of getting you to do stuff without using sex.
jmsmith12345
08-17-2009, 03:48 PM
I use sex to alleviate tennis elbow.
AlwaysLearning
08-17-2009, 03:49 PM
Truly what's the point of doing that.......Like Cherri says turn the table. Like it
is her LOSS. Why oh why do people want to hurt each other.
Fwd40s
08-17-2009, 03:50 PM
Using sex as a bargaining chip sounds great. Who wants a bargain ???
Down to Zero
08-17-2009, 04:05 PM
I use sex to alleviate tennis elbow.
Damn no wonder I have such a bad case of it ...
TBoyBob
08-17-2009, 04:11 PM
It's used that way in our marriage some what, and I don't think either of us mind it, really. We both end up getting what we want. And it's usually me telling her, I'll do this, this and this and all you have to do is screw me silly!!!
However, I've found that if you just do the things, don't have to be asked, she's usually more likely to offer herself up with no complaining, no asking, no nothing....it just happens.
Apparantly women get turned on when watching a man do housework, change diapers, play with the kids, cook dinner, vacuum...... Who Knew!!!!????!!!!
Denny422
08-17-2009, 04:16 PM
I got threatened with that ONCE very early in our marriage. Like OAK said, I made it abundantly clear that would succeed only in driving me out the door or downtown to solve my problem or both. I said it was not, would not, and could not be considered "currency", and I would NOT play that game. At all. Ever.
Never had the issue again.
On the other side of the coin, however, I am not an "in-house rapist". If there's a fight going on, or one of us doesn't feel well, etc, I certainly don't force the issue. That's a WAY too sensitive area to run the risk of causing permanent problems because one of us couldn't control their lust for a day or two while things work themselves out. Besides, when we're fighting, that's usually the furthest thing from my mind. At any rate, in my house, abstaining is DEFINITELY by mutual consent, NOT ultimatum!
november
08-17-2009, 04:21 PM
I briefly dated a guy who used to do that. It was a control issue for him. He knew I liked it, wanted it all the time, so he would withhold it just to keep in charge.
It didn't last long, believe me
That did happen to me ONE time with my ex...I reminded her that she didn't have the pussy market cornered and I'd be happy to prove it to her. She never said that to me again...But It was a dumb assed move on my part...from then on it was like living in Naggityville...
So being a little wiser NOW? I'll gladly trade a good blow job for taking the trash out, huh Christy?
You mean the other night at the club wasn't enough???
http://www.nrgradio.com/blowjob.jpg
OnceAKing
08-17-2009, 05:17 PM
You mean the other night at the club wasn't enough???
http://www.nrgradio.com/blowjob.jpg
Hell that's Shawn, I recognize the thong...
I would never use intimacy as a bargaining tool....I would never refuse to have sex because I'm angry....hell mad sex is sometimes better than happy sex.
He can't make her stop saying it....he can refuse to participate in the game.
Tell her you're not into bartering.
I don't think its wise to say you can find it down the block either....a comment like that would ruin something in the relationship if you ask me...it cheapens the intimacy between you. You would be stooping to her level...
OnceAKing
08-17-2009, 05:36 PM
I would never use intimacy as a bargaining tool....I would never refuse to have sex because I'm angry....hell mad sex is sometimes better than happy sex.
He can't make her stop saying it....he can refuse to participate in the game.
Tell her you're not into bartering.
I don't think its wise to say you can find it down the block either....a comment like that would ruin something in the relationship if you ask me...it cheapens the intimacy between you. You would be stooping to her level...
Seems to me like the intimacy part already has some serious wounds, if it was existent at all, or my retort would never been needed or appropriate...
PA Loverboy
08-18-2009, 05:01 AM
Yeah, same thing here, only it's implied rather than put into words. I refuse to get sucked into that fight, so I don't have it.
It's like OnceaKing said, she doesn't have the pussy market cornered. I'll just find it somewhere else. Or masturbate. Whatever it takes.
I've never used it as a bargaining chip, but in the past wife has used it as a way to soften me up before telling me she did something she shouldn't have. It didn't take long for me to realize that if she is giving me a blowjob, she will soon be telling me she spent to much money.... The real crappy part is she never finishes the job!
3pmac
08-18-2009, 07:35 AM
We were in the car with another couple a few weekends ago.
The wife looked over at her hubby and said "if you take me to the concert, I will have sex with you".:yks
Right in front of us and like it was just normal conversation.
happygirl101
08-18-2009, 07:42 AM
It's used that way in our marriage some what, and I don't think either of us mind it, really. We both end up getting what we want. And it's usually me telling her, I'll do this, this and this and all you have to do is screw me silly!!!
However, I've found that if you just do the things, don't have to be asked, she's usually more likely to offer herself up with no complaining, no asking, no nothing....it just happens.
Apparantly women get turned on when watching a man do housework, change diapers, play with the kids, cook dinner, vacuum...... Who Knew!!!!????!!!!
Tboy is a genius..........(He is going to make me regret saying that I know it!!!)
When done like this it is a charming playful game!!! But he is right...if we just did what we were supposed to do in our everday lives it would not be an issue!! And when we do the right thing...it happens naturally!! (This discludes those of us who have dickheads and bitches for spouses.. sorry just saying)
That said for those idiots who are seriously using it as a manipulation>>>>>>>>
Grow the F**K UP!!!! Please! It is not High School anymore.......
wan2b
08-18-2009, 07:53 AM
Strange never encountered this problem. We both try to do more than our share, to relieve the other of work. If anything sex may occur while we work.
Singeon
08-18-2009, 07:58 AM
BWahaHa..haghaha...sex as a bargaining chip?...spare me!..is there any other that rates?
Rock stars sing for it...accountants contrive to accumulate millions for it..property developers spend millions to aquire it...DJ'S spin for it.,..every male in the known world has an angle on how to aquire it..sex as a trade, ladies?..no offense girls..but since the dawn of time..what else have you to offer? what else can gain our attention?...just kidding..humans are a known quantity...we both of of us..male and female..love the high that sex can supply...nothing in this world when diluted to its base elements can measure up to the high that sex can supply...take an alternative stance to such a basic fact..at your peril..loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!
happygirl101
08-18-2009, 08:05 AM
BWahaHa..haghaha...sex as a bargaining chip?...spare me!..is there any other that rates?
Rock stars sing for it...accountants contrive to accumulate millions for it..property developers spend millions to aquire it...DJ'S spin for it.,..every male in the known world has an angle on how to aquire it..sex as a trade, ladies?..no offense girls..but since the dawn of time..what else have you to offer? what else can gain our attention?...just kidding..humans are a known quantity...we both of of us..male and female..love the high that sex can supply...nothing in this world when diluted to its base elements can measure up to the high that sex can supply...take an alternative stance to such a basic fact..at your peril..loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmmm
I think maybe Singeon is a Cynic (sin ik) n. One who believes all human action had selfish motives.
About this at least! Just saying maybe......LOL
jmsmith12345
08-18-2009, 08:12 AM
Last night the wife said she would suck my dick if I mowed the lawn....oh how I do love the barter system!
UnknownOnPurpose
08-18-2009, 08:21 AM
It's used that way in our marriage some what, and I don't think either of us mind it, really. We both end up getting what we want. And it's usually me telling her, I'll do this, this and this and all you have to do is screw me silly!!!
However, I've found that if you just do the things, don't have to be asked, she's usually more likely to offer herself up with no complaining, no asking, no nothing....it just happens.
Apparantly women get turned on when watching a man do housework, change diapers, play with the kids, cook dinner, vacuum...... Who Knew!!!!????!!!!
Who said it was house work? My wife will proably never offer herself up without complaining.
I don't mind doing things for the betterment of the family....as a matter of fact I don't care what it is, and it needs doing, I'll do it. But this is something that I don't feel like I should do just because someone else doesn't want to do it. I feel that If I feel like I could and would do anything, so should she.
knawtie
08-18-2009, 08:39 AM
I use it all the time, you know a free six pack, maybe a few extra drinks at the bar. Getting out of a ticket, getting out of the pesky murder charge........
OnceAKing
08-18-2009, 08:45 AM
I've never used it as a bargaining chip, but in the past wife has used it as a way to soften me up before telling me she did something she shouldn't have. It didn't take long for me to realize that if she is giving me a blowjob, she will soon be telling me she spent to much money.... The real crappy part is she never finishes the job!
Ahhhhh those pesky carrots!
OnceAKing
08-18-2009, 08:49 AM
We were in the car with another couple a few weekends ago.
The wife looked over at her hubby and said "if you take me to the concert, I will have sex with you".:yks
Right in front of us and like it was just normal conversation.
I see nothing wrong with that picture...sex during a concert is awesome!
OnceAKing
08-18-2009, 08:52 AM
Last night the wife said she would suck my dick if I mowed the lawn....oh how I do love the barter system!
Well???? Did you give her his name?
jmsmith12345
08-18-2009, 09:03 AM
Well???? Did you give her his name?
You just want to know what I named my penis you crazy old freak. I sure as hell ain't sharing that bit of information with you...that is between Fernando and me. :pc
jmsmith12345
08-18-2009, 09:05 AM
I use it all the time, you know a free six pack, maybe a few extra drinks at the bar. Getting out of a ticket, getting out of the pesky murder charge........
Speaking of that, you still have some bail money to work off
Icarus
09-03-2009, 01:58 AM
I was informed in the middle of a fight, long ago, that if I persisted in the fight I was going to get any until my birthday, to which I responded "That soon?". It put an end to the line of argument, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the overall correct response.
glamourgirl
09-03-2009, 02:12 AM
I like sex to much to put restrictions on it!
In fact what on earth could be so important to give up sex for?
countrygent07
09-03-2009, 05:43 AM
My first wife used to use the promise of sex to get what she wanted, but she rarely delivered.
curiousnate98
09-03-2009, 06:04 AM
I've never used it as a bargaining chip. I think it's mean. Especially if that is already an issue in your marriage. I'm on the opposite side of the coin from you I think? I try to use it as a bribe, lol. Hell, I've even cleaned the house just to get laid...
Hope you get it resolved soon. And feel free to bitch about it - it SUCKS!
I've done something similar. I would do extra chores around the house so that my wife would notice. Then, hopefully, when I made an advance later on, she would comply instead of "not now, honey" or "we already did three days ago!"
I've done something similar. I would do extra chores around the house so that my wife would notice. Then, hopefully, when I made an advance later on, she would comply instead of "not now, honey" or "we already did three days ago!"
Three days ago??? i used to get the "didn't we already have sex this month?" :thr
I don't even get that anymore... If I tried now it would be "didn't we already have sex this decade?"
Singeon
09-03-2009, 07:03 AM
Sex for barter, eh, Old game player?...
tell us when the system actually changes, mate..so we can exchange at a good rate before the rot sets in...:-)
barter only works if the seller actually has goods of interest..and its only ever worth what the buyer will pay for it anyhow...:-)
wan2b
09-03-2009, 07:40 AM
Hell when she working around the house I just go and help her. I love the kitchen work best, the table is wonderful.
txguy78
09-03-2009, 09:54 PM
My wife hasn't done this to me, but I sure as hell won't play that game if she ever tries it. I don't have time for that kind of bs, and frankly if there is something she really needs me to do it is typically as simple as asking me.
i understand this well. my wife used it as a chip, or a reward, up untill i finally said no thanks, i dont want it anymore at all.
meow meow
01-28-2010, 05:18 PM
OK, not sure if this is the right place for this....
My wife just told me that she won't have sex with me until... I do whatever it is she wanted me to do. Well, using that as a barganing chip does NOTHING for making me want to do what she wanted..... It's a total turn off and now for DAMNED sure I'm not going to do it.
Anyway, I didn't just start this to bitch about it..... I really wanted to ask... how many of you do this, or have it done to you... what are your thoughts about it?
:lmao:lmao:lmao:lmao
OK, not sure if this is the right place for this....
My wife just told me that she won't have sex with me until... I do whatever it is she wanted me to do. Well, using that as a barganing chip does NOTHING for making me want to do what she wanted..... It's a total turn off and now for DAMNED sure I'm not going to do it.
Anyway, I didn't just start this to bitch about it..... I really wanted to ask... how many of you do this, or have it done to you... what are your thoughts about it?
I think she's a total bitch.....:sg
Cadence
01-28-2010, 06:05 PM
I tried this once or twice- teasing really- basically telling him that it was in his best interests to make sure I was in a good mood. He totally laughed it off...knew I couldn't follow through, and we both knew he was right.
Who wants to give that up? I mean, seriously?
IALionGuy
01-28-2010, 06:08 PM
I tried this once or twice- teasing really- basically telling him that it was in his best interests to make sure I was in a good mood. He totally laughed it off...knew I couldn't follow through, and we both knew he was right.
Who wants to give that up? I mean, seriously?
MY WIFE.
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