Definitions By Gender

[tiger50]

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.

[Feelgoode]

He/She Definitions
Wants & needs (wontz and nedz) n.
female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
male: Food, sex and beer.

Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n.
female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
male: Playing ball without a cup.

Butt (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.


Making love (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What men have to call “boinking” to get women to boink.

Taste (tayst) v.
female: Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good.
male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

[Sandy]

those are good guys. :lmao :55

[sweetgapeach]

Good one Guys !!

[Norfolkdave]

Basically the game of football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered this yet, but as you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily solved using The Original Handbook Of Football.



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WHERE YOU ARE ON THE PLAYING FIELD (if your not on the field, get on)

your 10 yard line ............. holding hands
" 20 yard line ............. hugging
" 30 yard line ............. kiss on the cheek
" 40 yard line ............. kiss on the lips
MIDFIELD ............. tongue kissing (serious territory)
his/her 40 yard line ............. shirt and bra off
" 30 yard line ............. all clothes off
" 20 yard line ............. ORAL SEX (getting or giving)
1ST AND GOAL ............. put on the condom
GOAL LINE ............. TOUCHDOWN (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE)



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NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE ON THE FIELD HERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT DEFINITIONS TO HELP YOU EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT THERE.

kickoff...................making the first move (asking for a date)
kicking it deep...........Asking out a virgin (you'll be starting out

deep in your own end)

on-side kick..............Asking out a slut (starting near midfield, On side

kicks are good if they work, but are risky)

kick return...............How far you get on the first date


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NOW THAT YOU'VE ASKED HER OUT AND WENT ON THE FIRST DATE THE KICKOFF IS OVER AND THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS, HERE'S SOME MORE DEFINITIONS FOR YOU.

Downs.....................An attempt to get more yards (get further with her,
Running the Ball..........Taking it one yard at a time.
Passing Play..............Skipping stage

UH OH
Fumble....................Impotence
Fumble Recovery...........Regain erection
Interception..............Homosexuality (YOUR GOING THE OTHER WAY!!)



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OTHER DEFINITIONS

Turnover..................Anal sex
Field Goal................One of you orgasm, 3 pts (Field goal range
begins around their 30, when the clothes are off!)
Touchdown.................Mutual orgasm, 6 pts
Extra Point...............The smoke afterwards
Two Point Conversion......Smoke and a Phone number
High Scoring Game.........Multiple Orgasms
Rain Delay................Parents/Roommate comes home
Pile Up...................ORGY
Missed Field Goal.........Wide right,Wide left or even worse, to short!
3RD down and inches.......Call for a measurement (Move those Yardsticks)

THE OFFENSE

Quarterback...............The most important position, the missionary
Quarterback Sneak.........Unusual positions
Center(HUPPER)............Doggie Style
Running Back..............A hand-off
Tight End.................Self Explanatory
Wide Receiver.............Opposite of Tight End
Nose Tackle...............(Use Your Imagination)

DEFENSE (Becoming more and more important these days)

Defensive Line............Condom
Break in the defense......Condom breaks
The Safety................The Pill (just to be safe)
A Blitz...................A "Quickie"

PENALTIES

Roughing..................S & M
Holding...................Handcuffs or Restraints
Offside...................Premature Ejaculation

THE BOWLS

Rose Bowl.................Romantic sex (MAKING LOVE)
Citrus Bowl...............Healthy or Safe Sex
Peach Bowl................Juicy/Wet Sex
Fiesta Bowl...............Sex in South America
Superbowl.................Marriage (The Big Dance)