spare_change
05-10-2006, 01:11 PM
I have been studying the issue of weight loss and management, and have determined that the popular approaches are all wrong. Current diets are all process based -- that is, if you do this (whatever THIS is) , then you will lose weight. Don't eat carbs; eat carbs but not fats; eat carbs and fats, but use enemas three times a day (that one wasn't real popular) – all methodology driven diet approaches that have as their only reward – more of the same. Clearly, given the obesity levels in the US today, process-based diets don't work.
So, I put my extensive staff of researchers to work, and we have determined that the proper approach isn't process-based, but rather, reward based. That is, do something right, get a reward, do it right again, get another reward. This reinforcement of good activity encourages more good activity. We then applied this theory to the issue of weight loss and management, and are pleased to announce a revolutionary new weight management program called, coincidentally, the Spare Change Diet.
We have studied the human psyche, and found that reward-based programs are much more effective. So, we cast about trying to find the perfect reward system. We did not consider the methodology – our belief is that if you make the reward strong enough, people will figure out a process to reach the end-goal.
To identify the perfect reward, we interviewed a representative cross section of men (ok – only one – me!), and have devised what we think is the perfect diet-and-reward program.
For every 3 pounds lost, you get a blowjob! For every 25 pounds lost, you get a free night on the town. For every 50 pounds lost, you get a night with your wife and the woman of your choice at the local hot sheets motel! For every 100 pounds lost, you get a night with the three women of your choice (wife excluded) at the local hot sheets motel!
That’s it – simple as that. The simplicity of it is amazing. We didn’t believe it would work – it just seemed too easy - so we did a test sample. We invited 50 men, all at least 50 pounds overweight, to participate. The men lost an average 198 pounds in 3 months – unfortunately, 16 of them died of malnutrition, but everybody agreed, that they died happy. Food bills were reduced by an amazing 97%. Four 7-11 stores closed, and cited our diet as the reason for the drastic falloff in the sale of Ding Dongs that was the primary contributor to their failure.
While this proved to be extremely effective for male weight loss, we found that the women weren’t nearly as successful. When they lost 3 pounds and had to give a blowjob, it seemed the incentive was somewhat less successful. Once again, I put my crack staff (no cracks, please) to work on the problem of female weight loss. And, again, we solved the problem.
We have developed a pill that, when taken by the male, causes semen to taste like chocolate!! That’s right, chocolate flavored cum!! Now, the ladies were interested! Lose 3 pounds and you get a hit on the old chocolate dispenser!! Our test program for the female weight management program was astounding! We invited 50 women, all at least 50 pounds overweight, to participate. The women lost an average of 42 pounds over the three month period – not nearly as good as the men, but still an effective weight loss. We realized that we had to increase the reward program – and thus, the name of the program – the Spare Change Diet. Each time, the lady loses 3 pounds, not only does she get a delicious dose of chocolate, but the man must deposit all his spare change into a specially equipped mayonnaise jar. The “spare change” is collected until the woman loses 25 pounds. At that point, the jar is opened; she is given the money; and she is free to go buy new shoes!
This modification in the female weight loss program caused the average weight loss of the three month period to increase to 114 pounds – a figure somewhat skewed by a lady from Tennessee who was apparently allergic to chocolate. As a result, my chemists are working on a strawberry semen pill, expected for release in early November.
One side effect noted was that the increased encouragement of the men in their wife’s weight loss program seemed to spur the ladies on. This obvious concern by men for the lady’s wellbeing and health was both gratifying and surprising. The men actively encouraged women’s weight loss, and cheered them on, even to the point of supporting them by padlocking the refrigerator until she reached the next 3 pound goal.
I have published the results of this study on several well-known porn sites (if you don’t know, ask your husband – that’s why he doesn’t come to bed when you do), or you can buy a copy of “The Spare Change Diet – Is it Cumming or Going?” for only $14.95 by sending me an email.
So, I put my extensive staff of researchers to work, and we have determined that the proper approach isn't process-based, but rather, reward based. That is, do something right, get a reward, do it right again, get another reward. This reinforcement of good activity encourages more good activity. We then applied this theory to the issue of weight loss and management, and are pleased to announce a revolutionary new weight management program called, coincidentally, the Spare Change Diet.
We have studied the human psyche, and found that reward-based programs are much more effective. So, we cast about trying to find the perfect reward system. We did not consider the methodology – our belief is that if you make the reward strong enough, people will figure out a process to reach the end-goal.
To identify the perfect reward, we interviewed a representative cross section of men (ok – only one – me!), and have devised what we think is the perfect diet-and-reward program.
For every 3 pounds lost, you get a blowjob! For every 25 pounds lost, you get a free night on the town. For every 50 pounds lost, you get a night with your wife and the woman of your choice at the local hot sheets motel! For every 100 pounds lost, you get a night with the three women of your choice (wife excluded) at the local hot sheets motel!
That’s it – simple as that. The simplicity of it is amazing. We didn’t believe it would work – it just seemed too easy - so we did a test sample. We invited 50 men, all at least 50 pounds overweight, to participate. The men lost an average 198 pounds in 3 months – unfortunately, 16 of them died of malnutrition, but everybody agreed, that they died happy. Food bills were reduced by an amazing 97%. Four 7-11 stores closed, and cited our diet as the reason for the drastic falloff in the sale of Ding Dongs that was the primary contributor to their failure.
While this proved to be extremely effective for male weight loss, we found that the women weren’t nearly as successful. When they lost 3 pounds and had to give a blowjob, it seemed the incentive was somewhat less successful. Once again, I put my crack staff (no cracks, please) to work on the problem of female weight loss. And, again, we solved the problem.
We have developed a pill that, when taken by the male, causes semen to taste like chocolate!! That’s right, chocolate flavored cum!! Now, the ladies were interested! Lose 3 pounds and you get a hit on the old chocolate dispenser!! Our test program for the female weight management program was astounding! We invited 50 women, all at least 50 pounds overweight, to participate. The women lost an average of 42 pounds over the three month period – not nearly as good as the men, but still an effective weight loss. We realized that we had to increase the reward program – and thus, the name of the program – the Spare Change Diet. Each time, the lady loses 3 pounds, not only does she get a delicious dose of chocolate, but the man must deposit all his spare change into a specially equipped mayonnaise jar. The “spare change” is collected until the woman loses 25 pounds. At that point, the jar is opened; she is given the money; and she is free to go buy new shoes!
This modification in the female weight loss program caused the average weight loss of the three month period to increase to 114 pounds – a figure somewhat skewed by a lady from Tennessee who was apparently allergic to chocolate. As a result, my chemists are working on a strawberry semen pill, expected for release in early November.
One side effect noted was that the increased encouragement of the men in their wife’s weight loss program seemed to spur the ladies on. This obvious concern by men for the lady’s wellbeing and health was both gratifying and surprising. The men actively encouraged women’s weight loss, and cheered them on, even to the point of supporting them by padlocking the refrigerator until she reached the next 3 pound goal.
I have published the results of this study on several well-known porn sites (if you don’t know, ask your husband – that’s why he doesn’t come to bed when you do), or you can buy a copy of “The Spare Change Diet – Is it Cumming or Going?” for only $14.95 by sending me an email.