If your spouse cheats, do you want to know?

[sexytxblonde]

If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?

[Penny]

Not sure I guess it would depend on the situation. Is it a one time thing or is he in love :(

[cherokeered]

can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....

[tiger50]

can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....


i can ditto that one.... :D

[G...G]

Been there and done that and it sux being the last one to know

[kenbishop3]

i would rather not know

[yaser]

can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....Do you want to cheat him?Because you leave him free and be left free also?

[yaser]

If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?Start preparations for divorcing..

[musicmer]

I dont think i would want to know ... that way i dont have to do jail time .... i would much rather be with my kids

[jmc3367]

I wish mine would. Then maybe she would quit bitchin at me all the time

[surfnchat]

I'd be upset... more with myself for not keeping her happy. At that point, it's over. I hope it never gets to that point.

[yaser]

i would rather not knowKen,if you don't know she may quit cheating?Or go on?

[NativeBreed]

Only way I'd not mind if it was with another woman and if she still loves me like the first time we met. I'd even be friends with her lover, especially if it was Cherokeered :55 I'd love to join but it wouldn't be necessary. I'd just be in the kitchen makin' snacks and refreshments and just wait my turn

But if it was with another guy, I'd still want to know just to remind myself why our relationship had to end.



can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....

[Knightstriker48]

Would want to know but not sure what I would do.If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?

[Sandy]

do i want to know, yes i do. this is something that we've talked about,m and decided if one of us decideds we want somebody else, we'll tell our partner, and walk away. now talking about it and doing, are 2 diff. things as we all know. hopefully that day never comes, for either of us.

[sweet]

I've recently been down that road. I'm glad that my husband had the guts to tell me. Was I upsetthat he cheated? Yeah...especially since the one he cheated with was an old girlfriend of his. That hurt worse than if it were a complete stranger because of the history they share. I'm still with him though, but not because I'm alright with what he did, it's because I have no choice but to stick with him right now. Believe me, if I could I would leave him, he's put me through so much crap this past year. But I am putting my kids needs first, before mine.

[Frenchie]

I would want to know just so I'm not that jackass, someone I know is cheating on there spouse and I feel bad that I know but cant tell. At least if you know and get a chance to do something with someone you would like to you get a chance to do it without feeling too guilty about it.

I dont think your relationship is over unless that's the only reason your together!

Depends what turn's your crank!

[jmc3367]

It will never get any easier no matter how long you wait or what your waiting on. I'm no expert, but I think you should make the commitment to stay and fix your problems or cut your losses and start over. at 27 you can do it. but again I am certainly no expert and it's alway easy on the outside looking in. Just know what I wish I had done 10 years ago



I've recently been down that road. I'm glad that my husband had the guts to tell me. Was I upsetthat he cheated? Yeah...especially since the one he cheated with was an old girlfriend of his. That hurt worse than if it were a complete stranger because of the history they share. I'm still with him though, but not because I'm alright with what he did, it's because I have no choice but to stick with him right now. Believe me, if I could I would leave him, he's put me through so much crap this past year. But I am putting my kids needs first, before mine.

[upstr84u]

NOPE - don't want to know --- but then again - how much do you get for support

[Aubree]

a

[PlayfulMale69]

Yes, I would like to know. It might actually help. I would rather compete with someone else than not know why she doesn't want me.

[Dre]

That is why you are such a sweetheart, you are always looking out for others instead of yourself, hopefully someday some comes along and gives you what you truely deserve and that is total happiness. You are a great person and a great friend, I know we are all honered that we have the chance to know you!!!:55



I've recently been down that road. I'm glad that my husband had the guts to tell me. Was I upsetthat he cheated? Yeah...especially since the one he cheated with was an old girlfriend of his. That hurt worse than if it were a complete stranger because of the history they share. I'm still with him though, but not because I'm alright with what he did, it's because I have no choice but to stick with him right now. Believe me, if I could I would leave him, he's put me through so much crap this past year. But I am putting my kids needs first, before mine.

[Cotties]

You're beautiful drake or completely full of _______:sc That is why you are such a sweetheart, you are always looking out for others instead of yourself, hopefully someday some comes along and gives you what you truely deserve and that is total happiness. You are a great person and a great friend, I know we are all honered that we have the chance to know you!!!:55

[Cotties]

Hell yeah I want to know...I want to know if my neighbour glances at my wife. I don't have kids yet but after 7 years I would walk away if I even had a scrap of proof. Maybe not walk away... I'd probably kick her in the cun_ and then track the dickhead down who tried to screw up my relationship. The reason I can walk away is I know I have a bit going for me and don't have to put up with half hearted love...Its all or nothing...

people who don't want to know probably already expect it .....sorry I don't really know what makes you tick..

[NativeBreed]

I agree with Cotties.....It's all or nothing. Flirting is flirting, cheating....that's something else.

[sex_kitten_4u]

been there years ago, forgave him first time packed bags and walked out on him second time and never looked back, he was not worth it

[yaser]

been there years ago, forgave him first time packed bags and walked out on him second time and never looked back, he was not worth itHOW DİD YOU MANAGE TO PACK HIM?

[togarue]

Yes, I'd want to know and in fact did. I would want to know if he did, but not who...that part doesnt really matter in the end.

[SaltyLime]

i'd want to know. if he had sex with someone else, i'd leave. not so much for the obvious reason of cheating, but because i've been tempted and thought of him and resisted. that was enough for me. if he couldn't do the same for me, if the thought of me couldn't be enough, then its not mutual.

[Norfolkdave]

i'd want to know. if he had sex with someone else, i'd leave. not so much for the obvious reason of cheating, but because i've been tempted and thought of him and resisted. that was enough for me. if he couldn't do the same for me, if the thought of me couldn't be enough, then its not mutual.

So how will he feel then if someone chatted you up on here? It could happen, LOl it could go further...LOl an interesting situation:wa:

[SaltyLime]

So how will he feel then if someone chatted you up on here? It could happen, LOl it could go further...LOl an interesting situation:wa:

LOL i'm not witty enough to bite into being chatted up. and he knows this, so he wouldn't worry.

[Norfolkdave]

LOL i'm not witty enough to bite into being chatted up. and he knows this, so he wouldn't worry.

No I was just asking a question LOl someone might who knows, no one knows the future.:wa:

[hoss]

ummmmm.............Hey DAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is my old lady cheating on me ??????...whats that ??? oh sorry....didnt see her there under you....

[NativeBride]

I'll be crushed if he ever cheats on me. I'll cut off his balls too.

[Annie]

ummmmm.............Hey DAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is my old lady cheating on me ??????...whats that ??? oh sorry....didnt see her there under you....

Hoss ... she cheats on you, start headin south honey! I'll be waitin!

[hoss]

Hoss ... she cheats on you, start headin south honey! I'll be waitin!


wow...:kk :kk :kk ..that had to be the nicest thing someone had said to me all week....thank u my lady

[bluevirgo69]

I would want to know if my husband cheated on me....better than not knowing. The consequences would probably be horrible. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me and somehow I found strength and threw a tv at him. I guess it just depends on what kind of mood I am having that day...lol.

[Norfolkdave]

ummmmm.............Hey DAVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is my old lady cheating on me ??????...whats that ??? oh sorry....didnt see her there under you....

Blast bor you got to get your glasses sorted, she was sitting on my lap!:lmao

[SaltyLime]

No I was just asking a question LOl someone might who knows, no one knows the future.:wa:

very true dave. :D

[S.E]

In my 1st marriage my wife cheated and I was young and dumb back then.I never gave her the chance to talk 2 me about it,and I ended the marriage.I can now look back at my act of Machismo,and regret it 2 this day.I know hindsight is 20/20 and so yes I would like 2 know becuse I have grown since,and honesty is 1 of our strongest bonds that I share in my marriage..

[eros_alchemist]

nol I don't know how I would react.

[hoss]

If momma cheated on me...i'd want to sit in a chair and watch her be ravished...she deserves it...

[Momma]

;)...:kk...Thanks babe



If momma cheated on me...i'd want to sit in a chair and watch her be ravished...she deserves it...

[haggisbasher]

;)...:kk...Thanks babe

ROTFLMFAO ! hoss know's what a chair is !!

lol !

[haggisbasher]

;)...:kk...Thanks babe

once again a fabulous avatar - what are you gonna bite ? hmmmm ... i wonder !

[Momma]

LOL...I guess he does...content to sit there and watch...hell no..I'd drag him over if I could...

But now I'm left to wonder....who would this person be, the one ravishing me?...hmm...:sc


ROTFLMFAO ! hoss know's what a chair is !!

lol !

[Momma]

Thank you babe...what am I going to bite?...any damn thing you want...just let me know...lol...:lf :kk



once again a fabulous avatar - what are you gonna bite ? hmmmm ... i wonder !

[haggisbasher]

if my spouse were to cheat on me ....


i don't know. it would only happen if our love, our respect for each other were to break down. if there's no love in our relationship then maybe it's inevitable
that 'cheating' might occur.

here's the thing, i have so much faith in our marriage, i adore beloved...we know each too well after all these years, neither of us would cheat. she know's that, i know that.

sure, we both have our fun ...oodles in fact ! i have my play time. she has the world at her feet (& more besides sometimes ! lol).

it's fine to disagree with what i'm about to say. but here's my belief. now, i believe that illness or death will be the only two things that will separate us.

(love you)

[PlayfulMale69]

if my spouse were to cheat on me ....


i don't know. it would only happen if our love, our respect for each other were to break down. if there's no love in our relationship then maybe it's inevitable
that 'cheating' might occur.

here's the thing, i have so much faith in our marriage, i adore beloved...we know each too well after all these years, neither of us would cheat. she know's that, i know that.

sure, we both have our fun ...oodles in fact ! i have my play time. she has the world at her feet (& more besides sometimes ! lol).

it's fine to disagree with what i'm about to say. but here's my belief. now, i believe that illness or death will be the only two things that will separate us.

(love you)

Well said! Not as easily lived out when we mix up our desires and the decision to love.

[cherokeered]

I wish he would cheat....actually, I wish he would run away with someone...



There, does that answer the question....


Cherokee...oh, but please not to Australia....:whee:

[Itshardon-theroad]

She knows if she tells me I won't be too mad, which is why I think she hides who she does flirt or do other things with. She won't have the suspense or intrigue otherwise and I think that's what drives many to cheat in the first place.

[Sandy]

i never worry about it, i guess i'm lucky as far as that goes

[Nymph]

Watching the whole thing unfold is like being at the scene of a terrible accident. You don't want to see how gruesome it is yet you can't help but look, then you wondered why you did.
I wish I didn't know.

[Itshardon-theroad]

Watching the whole thing unfold is like being at the scene of a terrible accident. You don't want to see how gruesome it is yet you can't help but look, then you wondered why you did.
I wish I didn't know.

I guess I haven't reached that point yet. I'm leaving town for two days and I know my wife has invited another man that she works with to our house. Last time it was for a "massage" while I was out of the country (at least twice). This time I don't know anything specific. It is sort of like a car accident, but I want to know if for no other reason than to make sure it is what I think it is. I know my wife is a major flirt. There is no question about that. But I want to know if what I have suspected her of doing over the last several years with different guys is true. I've told her she can tell me and should tell me if something happens. I would only be mad if I found out from someone else. In her line of work people talk. I don't want to hear about it from one of her co-workers.

[yaser]

Watching the whole thing unfold is like being at the scene of a terrible accident. You don't want to see how gruesome it is yet you can't help but look, then you wondered why you did.
I wish I didn't know.I am sure you find yourself in a deep need to take revenge and then will you come tome to me?Promise I will give a satisfactory revenge.

[Luvs2watch]

My wife & I agreed very early in our relationship to promised each other not to hide our flirting & desires. She tells me about who she flirts with and I tell her about mine (tho she is much more vivacious & uninhibited socially than I). She currently has a lover who I've had the wonderful pleasure to watch make love to her and then to join in afterwards; massaging, kissing, and caressing them both.

She knows that I enjoy watching so she doesnt have to hide it from me. Guess I'm lucky that way tho it did take us 12 years to get to the point where she was willing to try it. Now she loves it :-)

[Itshardon-theroad]

My wife & I agreed very early in our relationship to promised each other not to hide our flirting & desires. She tells me about who she flirts with and I tell her about mine (tho she is much more vivacious & uninhibited socially than I). She currently has a lover who I've had the wonderful pleasure to watch make love to her and then to join in afterwards; massaging, kissing, and caressing them both.

She knows that I enjoy watching so she doesnt have to hide it from me. Guess I'm lucky that way tho it did take us 12 years to get to the point where she was willing to try it. Now she loves it :-)

You seem to have the best of both worlds. Very nice. Is your wife going to participate on the site too? There are several couples here.

Welcome to the site by the way. Have fun!

[cherokeered]

Welcome to the site hun...hope you have fun...:wa:



Cherokee...

My wife & I agreed very early in our relationship to promised each other not to hide our flirting & desires. She tells me about who she flirts with and I tell her about mine (tho she is much more vivacious & uninhibited socially than I). She currently has a lover who I've had the wonderful pleasure to watch make love to her and then to join in afterwards; massaging, kissing, and caressing them both.

She knows that I enjoy watching so she doesnt have to hide it from me. Guess I'm lucky that way tho it did take us 12 years to get to the point where she was willing to try it. Now she loves it :-)

[Zifnab]

If you know, is it cheating?

[cherokeered]

If you know, is it cheating?

Only if you didnt know from the beginning..........;)

[Zifnab]

Only if you didnt know from the beginning..........;)so if ti appears on your credit card statement I guess you knew???:D

[cherokeered]

so if ti appears on your credit card statement I guess you knew???:D


but did ur spouse?

[Zifnab]

but did ur spouse?1-900-big-dick......I HOPE it was her.....wasn't me....:nu

[RedHotPisces]

maybe it was her dad



1-900-big-dick......I HOPE it was her.....wasn't me....:nu

[Zifnab]

nah, he just puts nweb cams all over... too cheap for 900 numbers... aren't you tiger.... oooopppppssss

[akacaveman]

I wouldn't want to know. It's best if it's kept confidential and discrete because human nature would result in me driving myself crazy trying to figure out whether she likes the other guy better or is just trying to have extra fun. Extra fun doesn't bother me. But, if she was looking to leave me for the other guy. I'd hate knowing she was involved.

As the old saying goes, "What you don't know, won't hurt you.":sex

[Rmb]

I actually wish she would have sex with someone...some day....perhaps me?

[Wishing]

I would want to know and, i've told him that too. If it happened then a seperation would be the next thing to happen.

Wishing

[Penny]

Would he be upset with you being here?

[Luvs2watch]

You seem to have the best of both worlds. Very nice. Is your wife going to participate on the site too? There are several couples here.

Welcome to the site by the way. Have fun!

Thank you all for the welcome and sure hope we'll have fun here.

Can't say if my wife will join in on the chat as I haven't mentioned this site to her yet... want to check things out to see if it's worthwhile first (been to too many lackluster sites previously). Sure looks promising tho :lf

[Momma]

Hey there Luv....good to see another Local join...My hubby and I have been on the site for a couple of months now...and have been loving it ever since...Hope you enjoy yourself hun...Welcome....:kk



Thank you all for the welcome and sure hope we'll have fun here.

Can't say if my wife will join in on the chat as I haven't mentioned this site to her yet... want to check things out to see if it's worthwhile first (been to too many lackluster sites previously). Sure looks promising tho :lf

[kjguy43]

If momma cheated on me...i'd want to sit in a chair and watch her be ravished...she deserves it...

Hoss, your a dirty man, lol, actually the wife and I share that fantasy, one day it will come true.

[Momma]

He is a Dirty man isn't he?....lol....and I'm loving every minute of it...:kk



Hoss, your a dirty man, lol, actually the wife and I share that fantasy, one day it will come true.

[hoss]

He is a Dirty man isn't he?....lol....and I'm loving every minute of it...:kk

thats cause your a dirty woman ...YEH BABY YEHHHHHHHHHHH

[Momma]

You better believe it baby...feeling especially satisfied right now...;) :D :knuddel:



thats cause your a dirty woman ...YEH BABY YEHHHHHHHHHHH

[hoss]

You better believe it baby...feeling especially satisfied right now...;) :D :knuddel:


me too momma...but that new toy u bought is a pain in my ass....literally....
i said get a nice average size one ..you came home with freaking KING DONG !!


ummmm...pillow please......

[Momma]

Well you have to admit....it's a pretty color...:D...:kk



me too momma...but that new toy u bought is a pain in my ass....literally....
i said get a nice average size one ..you came home with freaking KING DONG !!


ummmm...pillow please......

[funluvinga]

I voted yes, because if he cheated then I could stop worring about what I want to do.

[XMONKEYLOVINSX]

I Would Totally Want To Know Mainly Cause First I Dont Want To Catch What His Other Girl Got If Anything And Second I Have Always Said If You Think The Grass Is Greener Than Just Let Me Know. I Will Step Out Of The Way. I Guess I Would Aslo Want To Know So I Cant Try To Pin Piont What I Did Wrong That He Needed To Go Elsewhere

[OKMamaEeyore]

Yes - already been through it. We both have. Nobody is perfect so learn and move on. Just don't let it ruin your life.

[cherokeered]

Sigh...he won't....



Cherokee...maybe if I hire someone....lol

[OKMamaEeyore]

Sigh...he won't....



Cherokee...maybe if I hire someone....lol


:))): Good for you! May it continue - I'm being sincere.:wa:

[cherokeered]

:))): Good for you! May it continue - I'm being sincere.:wa:

Not really good for me...wish it was....

[OKMamaEeyore]

Not really good for me...wish it was....

It is better than you think. Keep smiling! Wishes can come true...:)

[jman]

I would want to know for sure.

[Jy]

I would definitely want to know. Then I could take him to court, milk him dry and head west.

[sparkle889beach]

I would want to know, so I can take it from there ;)

[clueless32m]

Yes. I would want to know if my spouse cheated.

[cherokeered]

If he did...yes I would want to know....it would make things so much better....




Cherokee...I wouldn't be angry either....:)

[OICurready4me]

I actually wish she would have sex with someone...some day....perhaps me?




I hear ya!!!

[MIGHTY]

:sc That's a hard question to answer. Yes and know. I fear him falling into more of an emotional relationship than a physical one. He can enjoy sex with someone else..but, in the end, she is not me. She doesn't know him like I do. She cannot please him the same. Emotional connections are different. That might be a reason to leave.

[Orca08]

good answer mighty i would want to know and see if we can work on introducing him or her into our sex life for awhile with guys i don't think you have to worry about the emotional connection for us sex is so much more physical. women are the ones that use sex for emotional connection

[hightidenc]

If she was cheating with a Man I would not want to know.

If she was cheating with a woman I would want to join in.

[MIGHTY]

Hell yes! For one, I would want to know where I stand in the relationship. For two, what better way to get past the pain than to rebound?!!

[Suz]

yes, I would want to know. I doubt he ever would.......if he did, that would be my ticket out in a second....

[steamy]

yes, I would want to know. I doubt he ever would.......if he did, that would be my ticket out in a second....Is there a standby list I could apply for:D

[Suz]

Is there a standby list I could apply for:D
You're already first in line.......

[waterboy30m]

can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....

Love your honesty cherokeered.. :55

[pointofnoreturn]

I really don't think mine would either, but he must be getting off somewhere since it is not with me??????

[Big O]

nope. I want to stay in the dark!!

[Spooky13]

it worked on Nip/Tuck

[gvikfan]

yes,but,somehow,I dont think i'd be upset

[Outta]

yes,but,somehow,I dont think i'd be upset
ditto

Congrats on making premium

[UltimateNaneki]

Why not, at least i'd know he's been getting it somewhere

[joshcamp69]

Dito, but her.

[northernvam]

I dunno ... I think I would want to know. I actually don't think I'd be all that upset, since it would show that she had some interest in sex. For me, her having an interest in sex (even if it isn't necessarily with me), is better news that her having no interest in sex.

I guess I figure that if there's interest in sex, then you can work on why there's no sex in the marriage. If there's no interest in sex, the problem sort of goes beyond the relationship and has something to do with the individual ...

[yaser]

Why not, at least i'd know he's been getting it somewhere
You mean he cannot get it from you?

[pointofnoreturn]

You can get it from me anytime Yaser......

[OICurready4me]

I dunno ... I think I would want to know. I actually don't think I'd be all that upset, since it would show that she had some interest in sex. For me, her having an interest in sex (even if it isn't necessarily with me), is better news that her having no interest in sex.

I guess I figure that if there's interest in sex, then you can work on why there's no sex in the marriage. If there's no interest in sex, the problem sort of goes beyond the relationship and has something to do with the individual ...


I can relate to what your saying here and I kind of agree with you. It would open the door to communicate as to what the hell happened with the sex in your relationship.

[paris]

I can relate to what your saying here and I kind of agree with you. It would open the door to communicate as to what the hell happened with the sex in your relationship.
Do you think maybe the 'newness' wore off? The initial excitement, thrill, flirting? I think that's why a lot of us are here...

[OICurready4me]

Do you think maybe the 'newness' wore off? The initial excitement, thrill, flirting? I think that's why a lot of us are here...

I love this site, it is a tremendous amount of fun and love flirting with the lovely women that are here. Like anything, once your married for a while, things become old hat and it is easier to take one another for granted which I think is a big part of everyone's problem here. We need spice, like Emeril says, we need BAM!, Kick it up a notch!

Is that what you want, Paris?

[paris]

I love this site, it is a tremendous amount of fun and love flirting with the lovely women that are here. Like anything, once your married for a while, things become old hat and it is easier to take one another for granted which I think is a big part of everyone's problem here. We need spice, like Emeril says, we need BAM!, Kick it up a notch!

Is that what you want, Paris?
I think so. For me to say everything is fine in my life is easy. My life really is great. But then why am I here? I think you nailed it...I want some BAM.

[OICurready4me]

I think so. For me to say everything is fine in my life is easy. My life really is great. But then why am I here? I think you nailed it...I want some BAM.


Sounds like we are after the same thing. Nothing like some spice to really get the blood pumping and heart racing.

[OICurready4me]

Hell yes! For one, I would want to know where I stand in the relationship. For two, what better way to get past the pain than to rebound?!!


What about makeup sex?

[paris]

Sounds like we are after the same thing. Nothing like some spice to really get the blood pumping and heart racing.
Did I give you some spice? I'm really not trying to sound like I'm talking dirty. I'm serious. Me responding to you - did you feel something? I feel that 'spice' from you seemingly getting what I said. So thank you ;) .

[OICurready4me]

Did I give you some spice? I'm really not trying to sound like I'm talking dirty. I'm serious. Responding to you - did you feel something? I feel that 'spice' from you seemingly getting what I said. So thank you ;) .


You're not talking dirty but even if you did, that would be fine with me, I like that sort of spice. You sound like a lovely lady that is searching for some of the same things and have enjoyed reading your posts. There is something about you that is very intriguing and exciting. Still haven't placed my finger on it yet. Hope to though. :cool:

[paris]

You're not talking dirty but even if you did, that would be fine with me, I like that sort of spice. You sound like a lovely lady that is searching for some of the same things and have enjoyed reading your posts. There is something about you that is very intriguing and exciting. Still haven't placed my finger on it yet. Hope to though. :cool:
You've intrigued me too. Funny how that is. We only know eachother's words. But I know what I feel when writing my words and also how I feel when I read yours. All good. But are you sincere? Or a maestro? I don't know but intend to enjoy finding out...:kk

[OICurready4me]

You've intrigued me too. Funny how that is. We only know eachother's words. But I know what I feel when writing my words and also how I feel when I read yours. All good. But are you sincere? Or a maestro? I don't know but intend to enjoy finding out...:kk


I am sincere, not a maestro. ;) That is funny, never been considered a maestro before! It is so true that you can read what someone writes and you can have two feelings... this person is full of sh** or you can say, wow, I think this person has it going on. The latter is what I felt when I read your posts.

[paris]

I am sincere, not a maestro. ;) That is funny, never been considered a maestro before! It is so true that you can read what someone writes and you can have two feelings... this person is full of sh** or you can say, wow, I think this person has it going on. The latter is what I felt when I read your posts.
ditto...so where in NE?

[OICurready4me]

ditto...so where in NE?

Rhode Island. Are you in upstate, LI or the city?

[paris]

Rhode Island. Are you in upstate, LI or the city?
Upstate, formerly LI and before that NYC. I'm a nomad, I guess.

Love Providence. Near you?

[OICurready4me]

Upstate, formerly LI and before that NYC. I'm a nomad, I guess.

Love Providence. Near you?


20 minutes away. I guess you have it all covered then. Which part of NY do you prefer? Me, I have never been to LI but I like visiting the city and enjoy Lake George. Nice area.

[MIGHTY]

Well, if I found out he was, that would sure explain a lot...not to mention finally set me free....free to explore that is...:lf

[paris]

20 minutes away. I guess you have it all covered then. Which part of NY do you prefer? Me, I have never been to LI but I like visiting the city and enjoy Lake George. Nice area.
Lake George is beautiful. Catskills too. Love my area the most - 1 hour N of NYC.

[OICurready4me]

Lake George is beautiful. Catskills too. Love my area the most - 1 hour N of NYC.


I bet it is, just close enough to NYC but far enough away from the hustle and bustle. How long ago did you move there?

[OICurready4me]

Well, if I found out he was, that would sure explain a lot...not to mention finally set me free....free to explore that is...:lf

I'd hate to see the ass kicking you'd give him! ouch.

[paris]

I bet it is, just close enough to NYC but far enough away from the hustle and bustle. How long ago did you move there?
6 years now...
You in RI long? Tell me what you do...

[Outta]

Only if he's rich

[paris]

Only if he's rich
Hey outta...I hear you got nice dimples!

[OICurready4me]

6 years now...
You in RI long? Tell me what you do...


Sorry about that, dogs jumped on keyboard and did something I couldn't figure out so I had to reboot it.

Been in RI all my life. Work for post office, supervisor.

[Outta]

Hey outta...I hear you got nice dimples!
Damn, girl, who told you that? Fortunately, c'est vrai. When you make premium, i'll show them to you if i'm the first PM you send. Remember, I have to be the first.

[flamengo130]

I voted yes, that I would like to know...don't know what that means, other than it would be nice to know. I wouldn't be very upset, since that can happen, providing it was a purely sexual thing. We all have our urges and desires.

[Outta]

only if she cheats on our taxes.

[Caramel Temptation]

If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?

Let see what constitutes cheating?I caught my husband on a website and emailing woman.So that is cheating to me.Now i say payback.And that is what i doing!!

[luvplayluvlick]

Hey Caramel, if you don't mind was it this site?

[yellow rose]

yes, i would like to know if my husband cheated on me

[yachts1957]

Caramel,

Go for it, turn about is fair. Hope to talk to you sometime

[running76]

I would totally want to know. I have kids.. I would forgive him. but I wouldn't stay with him...

[tiger50]

I would totally want to know. I have kids.. I would forgive him. but I wouldn't stay with him...

gday running and welcome... hang around for some fun and meet some great people... :wa:

[happy2assistu]

I found out my at that time wife was cheating on me stayed with her for 4 years after that. She told me after I confronted her I don't know if she would have told me on her own. We had 4 kids so thats why I stayed with her. Found out she was still seeing him so I decided to end it. She remarried and her 2nd husband asked me about situation, told him so anyway. I wish I hadn't found out but on other hand I'm glad I did so I could get on with my life. You think of a lot of things when that happens. Each person who goes through it will tell you differently. I hope you don't have to see how you react.

[pointofnoreturn]

No i do not want to know.

[digi38]

The question I am asking myself is; would I even care at this point? I really don't think I would, as long as it was not with someone I know, that would hurt.

[this-is-crazy]

Yes, I'd want to know, but I'd be more pissed that he put me in a position of having to stay or go and messed up the way my life was going. I'd probably just kill him rather than deal with it. ;-)

He once told me that he wouldn't leave me if I cheated on him, and that really infuriated me. What does that say about how he feels for me? It could go either way.

[this-is-crazy]

The question I am asking myself is; would I even care at this point? I really don't think I would, as long as it was not with someone I know, that would hurt.

Hey you...where ya been? :wa:

And how is it that you really wouldn't care if she cheated on you, but you don't think you could cheat on her? She must be some woman! ;)

[p.J]

I have given this some thought... I was a mistress for some years, before I was married I hasten to add, he loved his wife dearly but could not live without me, ah sex you are thinking, well no actually! Though the sex was indeed fantastic, we had a mutual love of chess among other things... sooooooooo what am I trying to say... well if, my husband was or is cheating, and I truly don't think he is - and the connection was just sex, I'd be less concerned than if it was a much deeper connection, yes, like sharing a game of chess or doing the Times Crossword together, now that would hurt... am I making sense?:sc

[Rmb]

I have given this some thought... I was a mistress for some years, before I was married I hasten to add, he loved his wife dearly but could not live without me, ah sex you are thinking, well no actually! Though the sex was indeed fantastic, we had a mutual love of chess among other things... sooooooooo what am I trying to say... well if, my husband was or is cheating, and I truly don't think he is - if the connection was just sex, I'd be less concerned than if it was a much deeper connection, yes, like sharing a game of chess or doing the Times Crossword together, now that would hurt... am I making sense?:sc

Yes you are! You think more of the Times crossword than you do of sex !! :55

[NYCMasterplumber]

IIf your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?


I honestly believe everyone cheats at one time or another its just a degree of what they consider "cheating"

Ask Wild Bill Clinton or the Reverend "do as I say not as I do knock em up Jackson" about what constitutes cheating.

Any man who thinks his wife is not getting it on at least once in their married life is the same guy who thinks his wife likes the same food day after day after day forever

People fuck around maybe not intercourse but there are others ways of cheating.

People are quick to blame anything they can rather then take personal responsibility.

GUNS KILL and a FORK made Rosie O' Donnell fat, the fork is to blame NO Fork and she would be like Twiggy

GUNS kill just like the CAR made Ted drive em one way Kennedy a killer THE CAR HATED going over a bridge and needed to be washed and took Mary Jo with it according to Ted

The Cigar made wild Bill test it on Monica

I can picture the lawyers in the son of Sam killings .

The lawyer says to his guilty as hell client

"Listen guy you may get the electric chair for killing all those innocent people, this what I suggest you do,

point to the dog and say he told you to buy a gun and go hunting on the streets of NY"

This way the jury will find the dog partially guilty and you get away from the death penalty.

When a friend of mine was caught fucking the cleaning girl in his home in bed totally naked and the wife walked in he said "honey it is not what you think"

Of course she didn't think her baby blues failed her or it was a figment of her imagination, but he did try so he got an E for effort :sex:sex:sex:sex:sex

[p.J]

Yes you are! You think more of the Times crossword than you do of sex !! :55

Thats because I'm an intellect!! :na

[NYCMasterplumber]

RE RI and Catskills

I was stationed in New Port COLD ASS COUNTRY and the Catskills are amazing and yet with in an hour I can be in mid town Manhattan best of both worlds

Country and big city life when the mood hits.

I love driving to either New England or the Catskills during the fall and yet I love B'Way shows and all the culture available here.

I am 4 blocks from the majestic Hudson river.

Amazing diversity all with in an hours and a half drive

[NYCMasterplumber]

can honestly say mine would never cheat....sometimes I wish he would though...and no I wouldnt mind...... but it would make my life a little easier....

YOU are a great wife, so very understanding of human needs and desires your husband is a very lucky man

[NYCMasterplumber]

RE Cheating and killing the hubby / wife THAT JUST SUX's

Many years ago I was in Mayport Fla. right outside of Jacksonville at the Naval air station.

Any how a carrier (BIG SHIP) came back to port one day early and a young sailor went home found his wife fucking and killed her and the guy and them himself

As The chief petty officer was relaying this to me saying how sad it was that three young lives were lost, I said Nah Chief it aint that bad it could have been much worse

He said lad are you nuts

THREE YOUNG PEOPLE DEAD AND YOUR SAYING IT IS NOT THAT BAD?????

I said uh huh chief cause if that carrier had come back two days earlier instead of one Id be dead !!!!

[p.J]

RE Cheating and killing the hubby / wife THAT JUST SUX's

Many years ago I was in Mayport Fla. right outside of Jacksonville at the Naval air station.

Any how a carrier (BIG SHIP) came back to port one day early and a young sailor went home found his wife fucking and killed her and the guy and them himself

As The chief petty officer was relaying this to me saying how sad it was that three young lives were lost, I said Nah Chief it aint that bad it could have been much worse

He said lad are you nuts

THREE YOUNG PEOPLE DEAD AND YOUR SAYING IT IS NOT THAT BAD?????

I said uh huh chief cause if that carrier had come back two days earlier instead of one Id be dead !!!!

I have asked you this before Plumber, US navy was it?

[pointofnoreturn]

maybe he is cheating???

[Outta]

Yes, I'd like to know so I can thank the guy. FREEDOM!

[this-is-crazy]

I have given this some thought... I was a mistress for some years, before I was married I hasten to add, he loved his wife dearly but could not live without me, ah sex you are thinking, well no actually! Though the sex was indeed fantastic, we had a mutual love of chess among other things... sooooooooo what am I trying to say... well if, my husband was or is cheating, and I truly don't think he is - and the connection was just sex, I'd be less concerned than if it was a much deeper connection, yes, like sharing a game of chess or doing the Times Crossword together, now that would hurt... am I making sense?:sc

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

[this-is-crazy]

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

*LOL* I'm sorry, but I read my own posts and have to wonder who the hell I am! I really don't talk like this in real life! Screw this, screw that, f this, f that...such a potty mouth I am.

[digi38]

Hey you...where ya been? :wa:

And how is it that you really wouldn't care if she cheated on you, but you don't think you could cheat on her? She must be some woman! ;)
Hi, busy couple of days at work and home. I did not say I could not cheat, if I did she would have to be some woman.
I did say that sex is not why I came here. (I don't think I said I could not cheat).

[tiger50]

*LOL* I'm sorry, but I read my own posts and have to wonder who the hell I am! I really don't talk like this in real life! Screw this, screw that, f this, f that...such a potty mouth I am.

lol the real crazy showin through...:sc :lmao

[this-is-crazy]

Hi, busy couple of days at work and home. I did not say I could not cheat, if I did she would have to be some woman.
I did say that sex is not why I came here. (I don't think I said I could not cheat).

and I thought I had been busy. Mom's been in town. What joy.

Sweetie, you said you didn't think you could pull the trigger on that one. ;-)

Did ya get my email?

[northernvam]

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

The real question though .. is would YOU rather screw some stranger than screw some guy that you were friends with? From your description of your husband, he's a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy and he's both emotionally and sexually satisfied as far as you know .... he wouldn't emotionally attach to another woman any better than he's attached to you.

YOU on the other hand, obviously have emotional (or sexual) desires that run deeper than just the "meat and potatoes" kind of interaction that you're currently having with your husband...

I have a friend who keeps on telling me that the decision to end most marriages are made by women, something like 80%. If true, I think this reflects the fact that men are much more easily emotionally "satisfied" with a "relationship", where as women are looking for that "deeper meaning" or "deeper connection" with a person to be satisfied.

[Inspector72]

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

Wow this is interesting that you and Jen say that for women, an emotional affair is far more damaging than a sexual on. Damn every woman I have been around has been the exact oposite. But let me ask you and Jen this...If you flirt, do you consider that an emotional affair?:sc I ask this as i once seen on Dr. Phil a few years back this very topic and Dr. Phil stated that if you flirt with anyone, then you are having an emotional affair.

In a way, sex is just sex, and act, but when you tie emotions to it, it can become blissfully explosive. I am intellectual...like Jen and if you can excite my mind...I can help you sexually. It just isn't there. I guess that comes from all the wild fun I have had...living with 5 bi girl....which is not all peaches and creme, and pretty much been there, done that, and now improving on the old ones. The way I see it...married or not, I own noone and noone own me. If you want my respect, then you have to give respect, if you want my love or sex, than again you have to love or sex. So when a woman becomes complacent, I get bored. I need challenge, exciting, fun, risk and adventure, otherwise time to move on. I have been in that position before, and knew my ex was cheating....even confronted and suprised her just ho long I knew about them. But when it costs me money, of I have to start supporting 3...that is where I draw the line. She can go be with him and he can pay then share in paying the bills. And whether or not I wanted to know with all my ex's which they were the one cheating...I knew anyways. it is not hard to tell. All you have to do is watch a person's (your lover) actions. Here I give you and example...I was with one for 3 years and we were engaged the last year. Every day when she came home, no matter where i was, or what I was doing, she came to me first. The first night she came home and went straight to the bedroom...I said "Houston, we have a problem!" two days later she confessed and asked how did I know? Um duh!!!!

[spare_change]

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

It would be interesting to survey everybody -- I suspect most men would say it is the sexual infidelity that is a showstopper for them, while most women would say it is the emotional infidelity. Highlights the differences men and women bring to a relationship.

[digi38]

and I thought I had been busy. Mom's been in town. What joy.

Sweetie, you said you didn't think you could pull the trigger on that one. ;-)

Did ya get my email?
I did get your email, I guess you did not get my responses. I sent you two of them. I think they go to your e-mail.
I guess I will just have to wait and see. Like I said, she would have to be some woman.

[MCat]

I don't want to know and he better not home if he does...

[yaser]

I don't want to know and he better not home if he does...
Mcat I saw him with a hot Mediterranean lady...in a restaurant ..drinking together..and hands in hands..They had called a taxy..I haven't followed them later..

[MCat]

Mcat I saw him with a hot Mediterranean lady...in a restaurant ..drinking together..and hands in hands..They had called a taxy..I haven't followed them later..

Well, well, thats where he's been :sc

[yaser]

Well, well, thats where he's been :sc
If you believe it is the truth?

[this-is-crazy]

The real question though .. is would YOU rather screw some stranger than screw some guy that you were friends with? From your description of your husband, he's a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy and he's both emotionally and sexually satisfied as far as you know .... he wouldn't emotionally attach to another woman any better than he's attached to you.

YOU on the other hand, obviously have emotional (or sexual) desires that run deeper than just the "meat and potatoes" kind of interaction that you're currently having with your husband...

I have a friend who keeps on telling me that the decision to end most marriages are made by women, something like 80%. If true, I think this reflects the fact that men are much more easily emotionally "satisfied" with a "relationship", where as women are looking for that "deeper meaning" or "deeper connection" with a person to be satisfied.

And we have finally connected! YES! You couldn't have said it better..."he wouldn't emotionally attach to another woman any better than he's attached to you. " I think that is the absolute truth! I guess I could be lucky, because of that. I hate to bitch when there's women here whose husbands are screwing around on them, abusing them, etc. My husband is just absent.

Especially lately.

So I wonder if this emotional connection I'm looking for can only be achieved with another woman. :D It's starting to look like guys really don't have this need.

[this-is-crazy]

I did get your email, I guess you did not get my responses. I sent you two of them. I think they go to your e-mail.
I guess I will just have to wait and see. Like I said, she would have to be some woman.

:( I didn't get any email. I wonder where it went. Can you send it again? I hate not knowing what I missed!

Hey, I've been upgraded to Premier! I can send PM's now! Haven't done it yet, but whoo hooo!

I don't know what this weekend is looking like for you, but I have a feeling I won't be able to come out and play on this site until Monday. I can, however, check email! Keep me company!

[this-is-crazy]

Wow this is interesting that you and Jen say that for women, an emotional affair is far more damaging than a sexual on. Damn every woman I have been around has been the exact oposite. But let me ask you and Jen this...If you flirt, do you consider that an emotional affair?:sc I ask this as i once seen on Dr. Phil a few years back this very topic and Dr. Phil stated that if you flirt with anyone, then you are having an emotional affair.

I feel like when I came to this site I had put one foot through the infidelity door. I don't think that's the case for everyone though. If I were my husband, I would definitely be more concerned about me straying emotionally than physically, because he's pretty much guaranteed that I won't have sex with someone just for sex. I am able to control myself, believe it or not.

However, we took marriage vows that were suppose to guarantee me certain things by making a promise unto God, and I feel like I was betrayed in some very important areas. Two people committed to a marriage are suppose to protect it at all costs. You shouldn't go talking shit about your spouse to other people. Your problems should remain between the two of you. You should defend your spouse, your home and your family against people who want to do it harm. You should be careful of whom you befriend and know where the boundries lie. My husband failed on all those accounts (and some), and his stupidity is what made it possible for me to open this door. He had every chance and opportunity to keep me from coming here. I told him exactly what I needed from him, and he chose to deny me. He feels like if I'm upset, he can ignore me for a week and I'll get over it. Weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and suddenly your wife is looking elsewhere to fill a void that you didn't think was worth your time.

So yes, I agree with Dr. Phil. I think an emotional affair is cheating, even if you never met or touched the person, only if you really have true feelings for this other person though; love perhaps. If your spouse is not the only one in your heart anymore, how could it not be cheating?

I think flirting is different than an emotional affair though. I may flirt, but I'm not in love with you. I may flirt, but I'm not having sex with you. I may flirt, but I might just be trying to get some attention to make myself feel better. I think that's what a lot of people here are looking for; attention, not necessarily a full blown affair, emotionally or sexually.

That said though, I have to wonder which kind of affair would be easier to repair, a sexual betrayal or an emotional one. Sex is sex. Once the deed is done, you can't erase it. An emotional affair though, well, feelings change. Feelings go away. You can perhaps reconnect to your spouse and the emotional affair would be like an ex boyfriend/girlfriend that you never slept with and you don't even think about anymore. I believe you can love more than one person in a sexual/emotional way, so that just makes it more confusing.

I don't know...what do you all think?

[twoblues]

On the one hand, I don't want to know because I suppose I'd feel a little hurt. On the other hand, I don't think my marriage is growing anymore and I've sort of been looking for a way to end it without breaking her heart. Now, if she's cheating, then obviously I don't think her heart would really be broken if I found out and asked for a divorce.

Of course, I'm being a little selfish considering I myself play on the side ;)

[Willy S]

Nope.

[UltimateNaneki]

Nope.

me neither!!:dd

[this-is-crazy]

I see you dig... ;-)

[digi38]

I feel like when I came to this site I had put one foot through the infidelity door. I don't think that's the case for everyone though. If I were my husband, I would definitely be more concerned about me straying emotionally than physically, because he's pretty much guaranteed that I won't have sex with someone just for sex. I am able to control myself, believe it or not.

However, we took marriage vows that were suppose to guarantee me certain things by making a promise unto God, and I feel like I was betrayed in some very important areas. Two people committed to a marriage are suppose to protect it at all costs. You shouldn't go talking shit about your spouse to other people. Your problems should remain between the two of you. You should defend your spouse, your home and your family against people who want to do it harm. You should be careful of whom you befriend and know where the boundries lie. My husband failed on all those accounts (and some), and his stupidity is what made it possible for me to open this door. He had every chance and opportunity to keep me from coming here. I told him exactly what I needed from him, and he chose to deny me. He feels like if I'm upset, he can ignore me for a week and I'll get over it. Weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and suddenly your wife is looking elsewhere to fill a void that you didn't think was worth your time.

So yes, I agree with Dr. Phil. I think an emotional affair is cheating, even if you never met or touched the person, only if you really have true feelings for this other person though; love perhaps. If your spouse is not the only one in your heart anymore, how could it not be cheating?

I think flirting is different than an emotional affair though. I may flirt, but I'm not in love with you. I may flirt, but I'm not having sex with you. I may flirt, but I might just be trying to get some attention to make myself feel better. I think that's what a lot of people here are looking for; attention, not necessarily a full blown affair, emotionally or sexually.

That said though, I have to wonder which kind of affair would be easier to repair, a sexual betrayal or an emotional one. Sex is sex. Once the deed is done, you can't erase it. An emotional affair though, well, feelings change. Feelings go away. You can perhaps reconnect to your spouse and the emotional affair would be like an ex boyfriend/girlfriend that you never slept with and you don't even think about anymore. I believe you can love more than one person in a sexual/emotional way, so that just makes it more confusing.

I don't know...what do you all think?
If I am going to read all the posts you put up here I am going to have to dedicate more time to this site.:D
I will send you an email tonight.....

[this-is-crazy]

If I am going to read all the posts you put up here I am going to have to dedicate more time to this site.:D
I will send you an email tonight.....

Looking forward to it...;)

[Trev]

would ask him to keep her too

[G...G]

You surely have never been through it!!! Trust me... You would rather know than be the last to find out!!



would ask him to keep her too

[Trev]

just saying if I find out that I would want him to keep her.

[showtime]

Wouldn't ever happen here,,, she has very little interest in sex, thats why there is a problem here.

[dave42]

If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?Hell no, I just pray that he's the right guy and she falls in love with him, becomes his problem and runs away. It would be like getting letting out of prison. I would be a free and happy man!:D

[hotguy89]

I feel like when I came to this site I had put one foot through the infidelity door. I don't think that's the case for everyone though. If I were my husband, I would definitely be more concerned about me straying emotionally than physically, because he's pretty much guaranteed that I won't have sex with someone just for sex. I am able to control myself, believe it or not.

However, we took marriage vows that were suppose to guarantee me certain things by making a promise unto God, and I feel like I was betrayed in some very important areas. Two people committed to a marriage are suppose to protect it at all costs. You shouldn't go talking shit about your spouse to other people. Your problems should remain between the two of you. You should defend your spouse, your home and your family against people who want to do it harm. You should be careful of whom you befriend and know where the boundries lie. My husband failed on all those accounts (and some), and his stupidity is what made it possible for me to open this door. He had every chance and opportunity to keep me from coming here. I told him exactly what I needed from him, and he chose to deny me. He feels like if I'm upset, he can ignore me for a week and I'll get over it. Weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and suddenly your wife is looking elsewhere to fill a void that you didn't think was worth your time.

So yes, I agree with Dr. Phil. I think an emotional affair is cheating, even if you never met or touched the person, only if you really have true feelings for this other person though; love perhaps. If your spouse is not the only one in your heart anymore, how could it not be cheating?

I think flirting is different than an emotional affair though. I may flirt, but I'm not in love with you. I may flirt, but I'm not having sex with you. I may flirt, but I might just be trying to get some attention to make myself feel better. I think that's what a lot of people here are looking for; attention, not necessarily a full blown affair, emotionally or sexually.

That said though, I have to wonder which kind of affair would be easier to repair, a sexual betrayal or an emotional one. Sex is sex. Once the deed is done, you can't erase it. An emotional affair though, well, feelings change. Feelings go away. You can perhaps reconnect to your spouse and the emotional affair would be like an ex boyfriend/girlfriend that you never slept with and you don't even think about anymore. I believe you can love more than one person in a sexual/emotional way, so that just makes it more confusing.

I don't know...what do you all think?

i tink it is cheating...my wife struck up contact with an ex-boyfriend..they chatted about our sexlife in very fine details and they talked about what they have been up to sexually since they broke up...she was always too shy with me to discuss details before...she told me and i hit the roof, asking her stop the contact...welll...war still ongoing...ibelieve that is too much and the beginning of the end...not physical...but emotional:wa:

[OICurready4me]

I would like to know so that at least I know someone in our relationship is getting some. Besides, it would make it that much easier to cut her loose since she is so reliant on me, I wouldn't feel so guilty since she would have someone else to fall back on.

[skysthelimit]

yes, i would like to know if my husband cheated on me


Hi Yellow Rose.... where are you from?

[niceguytrapped]

I couldn't agree more cotties. I played the "don't want to know" game for years and then found out 2 days after my brothers death that my wife had an affair with him.

people who don't want to know probably already expect it .

[this-is-crazy]

i tink it is cheating...my wife struck up contact with an ex-boyfriend..they chatted about our sexlife in very fine details and they talked about what they have been up to sexually since they broke up...she was always too shy with me to discuss details before...she told me and i hit the roof, asking her stop the contact...welll...war still ongoing...ibelieve that is too much and the beginning of the end...not physical...but emotional:wa:

I think you're right in being pissed. I would be very hurt and upset if my spouse was chatting with an ex in detail about our sex life. There's something very wrong about that whole scenario. However, he is an ex for a reason and maybe the only thing they ever had was sex. Maybe the lack of the emotional connection with him is what made it easier for her to be so sexually open with him and/or speaking of those things with you makes her feel ashamed and she doesn't want you to feel ashamed or disappointed in her. Don't know...just a thought...

[flamengo130]

I think you're right in being pissed. I would be very hurt and upset if my spouse was chatting with an ex in detail about our sex life. There's something very wrong about that whole scenario. However, he is an ex for a reason and maybe the only thing they ever had was sex. Maybe the lack of the emotional connection with him is what made it easier for her to be so sexually open with him and/or speaking of those things with you makes her feel ashamed and she doesn't want you to feel ashamed or disappointed in her. Don't know...just a thought...

Such a tangled web we weave. Must be something still there to chat sexually with the ex. You are probably right in saying it was just sex...sometimes that's all it is...to a degree. There are deep feelings or it's just a one (or two) night stand...nothing more. We should never, ever, condemn others for the things we do ourselves.

[NYCMasterplumber]

Oh my EVERYONE cheats (to some degree) and the ones who would dare think "oh no not my wife" are outta their minds.

I cannot count the number of minister and Rabbis and reverends wives I made love to over the years and how many "men of the cloth" cheat with either hookers or women of their congregation or other guys (look at priests).

Who can forget the Reverend Jesse knock em up Jackson telling wild Bill Clinton about the evils of adultery as Jesse's bimbo was about to give birth.

How about the mighty Reverend Baker and REV Martin Luther King another whore monger but unlike Ted drive them one way Kennedy these guys let the women tell their tales. (tails?)

Once in Bermuda while I was in the Navy I met a lady on her honeymoon at Horseshoe beach at the Princess hotel where she was sun tanning.

Her newlywed hubby left this fine looking lady alone as he decided he wanted to try fishing for barracuda.

Imagine a lady married just 3 days and already on the prowl

After we had done the dirty deed she said well that should would now remain faithful for the rest of her marriage she said she needed one fling before they went back to reality

The guys who go berserk over finding out their spouses strayed and get nuts and want to get violent do so because they know they are failures and the lady has to get her needed fulfilled else where

If my wife said Hey I just had a threesome with 2 guys I would say cool just as long as you didn't catch something then ask why not consider me the next time to be part of the team.

Why go ape just because someone needs a change of diet?

Don't ask and if you find out big deal there are a lot worse habits one can have besides screwing around.

Only a fragile ego would say "I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch" not ask themselves WHY or whats missing?

Humanbeings love to screw and not necessarily with their spouses as variety is what makes life interesting.

Look at the "religious" leaders who confessed their sins rather then saying I was horny and got laid and be honest about it.

People LOVE SEX sometimes even with the spouses, but its a lot more fun and exciting with someone new or a friends spouse which happens more often then not but very few would dare admit it

[pointofnoreturn]

NYC master....You had a long paragraph about this before......Are you trying to convince us or yourself?????I say if it feels right..do it.

[p.J]

Sometimes its not a matter of whether we want to know, as there are times when partners find out whether they wanted to or not!

[w9kw]

well yall, for me and mine i want yall to know. Cuz it our case i know it to be just sex, when u just get home 6 0r 7 days a month i dont expect her to be a angel. But she and i our in love. It wks for us may not for others

[cherokeered]

Actually, I would like to know....now if only it would happen....:)

[Flirtalicious]

Hey NYCMasterplumber.... I like that.... pretty straight forward and hit home... Nice... you made my morning... Have a good day everyone.... gave me something to think about....:)

[w9kw]

Hey Cherkerred, well if you need to happen let me know and ill load up there, just trying to help u gal

[thickitalian]

If your spouse cheated on you, would you want them to tell you? (whatever constitutes cheating in your eyes: sex, a kiss, a BJ, emotional relationship, cyber sex, etc)

And if they tell you, what would your reaction be?

I would ask one question... "Why? and please tell me the truth and don't hold back a thing!" Can't just make assumptions in a marriage, so the need to know why a marriage may be ending is the main concern...perhaps it can be fixed once again? Long time married ppl tend to take each other for granted and sometimes it's hurtful without ever knowing.

[OICurready4me]

I would ask one question... "Why? and please tell me the truth and don't hold back a thing!" Can't just make assumptions in a marriage, so the need to know why a marriage may be ending is the main concern...perhaps it can be fixed once again? Long time married ppl tend to take each other for granted and sometimes it's hurtful without ever knowing.


I have found that is not good to assume at anytime....it really gets you in trouble. It is better to act like a dumb shit and ask a million questions than jump to conclusions by assuming...no one knows better than me that old idiom...when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.

[thickitalian]

I have found that is not good to assume at anytime....it really gets you in trouble. It is better to act like a dumb shit and ask a million questions than jump to conclusions by assuming...no one knows better than me that old idiom...when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.

We all do that OIC...you're not alone, I am just as guilty at times and so are our wives. Just listen to the ppl at work someday...amazing at the wacky assumptions being made behind others backs...no one is perfect...we just need to recognize it after it happens.

[w9kw]

Well folks my wife tell me if she is and how come of it. I dont worry cuz she will come home afterwards. Being a truck driver and gone so much i cant blame her. And i truly love her. This may offend some but it works for us

[thickitalian]

Well folks my wife tell me if she is and how come of it. I dont worry cuz she will come home afterwards. Being a truck driver and gone so much i cant blame her. And i truly love her. This may offend some but it works for us

Whatever works to keep your marriage in tact W9...

[w9kw]

Well Thick, she lets me get away with enough, we are both discrete so dont have a problem with. Anyway most nurses are very openminded folks to start with

[thickitalian]

Well Thick, she lets me get away with enough, we are both discrete so dont have a problem with. Anyway most nurses are very openminded folks to start with

As long as both spouses agree and are good with it...that's your personal and private choice. My wife would never go for that and neither would I...but it's not about us...love this site..everyone should open up, it's a great feeling.

[w9kw]

yes sir i argree with you

[biker-mike]

Think she already has, but can't prove it

[hotguy89]

is being unfaithful if the partner talks dirty to another one? sharing intemate secrets?
:whee:

[w9kw]

hell we both cheat and we both know it. But we love each other very much

[cherokeered]

Would like to know...but wouldn't care...wish he would in fact....please, someone take my husband.....:whee:

[w9kw]

Like your attitude Cher

[thickitalian]

is being unfaithful if the partner talks dirty to another one? sharing intemate secrets?
:whee:

Big Yea on that...unless your partner is doing the same and you are both okay with it....let's face it, just about everyone in this room has cheated one time or another...there may be some who haven't and that's wonderful for them.

[cherokeered]

Big Yea on that...unless your partner is doing the same and you are both okay with it....let's face it, just about everyone in this room has cheated one time or another...there may be some who haven't and that's wonderful for them.

Never did before i came here...but didn't count on falling in love with someone from here either....sigh

[cherokeered]

Like your attitude Cher

It would make my life a lot easier hun...cause divorce is staring us in the face and he seems to be blind....sigh

[w9kw]

Yelp been there Cher im on my 4th marriage but then trucking is hard on them gals

[cherokeered]

Yelp been there Cher im on my 4th marriage but then trucking is hard on them gals

Well, this is my first marriage....been married 22 years...glutton for punishment i guess...lol

[w9kw]

well i got 26 yrs total took me till i was 40 to get good at it. I always like married life jsut to damm wild in my 20s amd 30s

[christinalee]

If he didn't ask me if he could first, he'd be better off not telling me, because he'd be in lots of trouble!!! Those are the rules...

[SaugusSlipknot]

I would want to know

[romanceman71]

depends who she cheated with if did not know who it was yes if it was a friend she cheated with then no

[PlayfulMale69]

If he didn't ask me if he could first, he'd be better off not telling me, because he'd be in lots of trouble!!! Those are the rules...

So if your hubby asks permission, would that be considered cheating?

[OccassionalFun]

I have already told her to just be discreet about it if its a one off pure physical urge and to never bring him into the house or give out personal information or call here. I in fact encouraged her 10 years ago to try it with a friend who admitted that he wanted to have sex with her but she would not. My attitude was I wanted this guy to know just how hot she was and how good I had it and then cut him off to give him a severe case of blue-balls and jealousy lol.

But I'd definitely want to know about anything she did. I would want to know if he treated her well and of she enjoyed it and got it all out of her system or needed more now and then. I just don't want her to ever leave over something as trivial as getting an intense endorphin rush from just physical sex. Any guy or machine/toy can do that and I am not threatened by that.

But if it becomes emotional with someone else then I would be devastated. But I would still want to know about it and might consider letting her have a 2nd relationship if she always came home and never ever brought him to the house or got him into our personal lives in a way that put our safety or financials at risk.

OF

[OccassionalFun]

YES! EXACTLY! The emotional affair is far more damaging than the sexual one! Affairs of the heart...those run deep and are hard to shake. A good screw? Just another thing to fantasize about while you're masturbating.

I bet you can screw someone and still deeply love your spouse. But what happens if you meet someone, say...on this board, and you make a *connection* that becomes deep and emotional and addictive. Your spouse starts to become more of an annoyance that you can't wait to get rid of. I think THEN the marriage is threatened.

I would rather my husband go screw some stranger he met at a bar than screw some girl he was friends with.

You are dead on correct. Most women can not take this perspective like men can. Bravo. I think its a mature view. I can easily deal with a wife who has a physical attraction and addiction and could even accommodate it and manage it with some rules. But I can't compete with an emotional relationship since once its at that level its already over and can't ever be fully restored. My attitude is just tell me about it, get it out of your system then come home.

OF

[w9kw]

I have already told her to just be discreet about it if its a one off pure physical urge and to never bring him into the house or give out personal information or call here. I in fact encouraged her 10 years ago to try it with a friend who admitted that he wanted to have sex with her but she would not. My attitude was I wanted this guy to know just how hot she was and how good I had it and then cut him off to give him a severe case of blue-balls and jealousy lol.

But I'd definitely want to know about anything she did. I would want to know if he treated her well and of she enjoyed it and got it all out of her system or needed more now and then. I just don't want her to ever leave over something as trivial as getting an intense endorphin rush from just physical sex. Any guy or machine/toy can do that and I am not threatened by that.

But if it becomes emotional with someone else then I would be devastated. But I would still want to know about it and might consider letting her have a 2nd relationship if she always came home and never ever brought him to the house or got him into our personal lives in a way that put our safety or financials at r
OFwell we see eye to eye on that subject

[Suz]

Well I walked in on my hubby doing that very thing..dropped his lunch I had brought him. I had no choice but to know...but yes, I would want to know...especially if I need to be getting checked for some disease he may have gotten from the the skank ho he was banging. Being a nurse, that was the first thing I thought of...that and pulling him off of her and punching the living daylights out of him...oh the rage that ensued......now he's not worth the anger..but that day..i saw a whole new Suz be born, lol....oh what a day that was. At least bang a cuter girl..damn!

[OICurready4me]

Well I walked in on my hubby doing that very thing..dropped his lunch I had brought him. I had no choice but to know...but yes, I would want to know...especially if I need to be getting checked for some disease he may have gotten from the the skank ho he was banging. Being a nurse, that was the first thing I thought of...that and pulling him off of her and punching the living daylights out of him...oh the rage that ensued......now he's not worth the anger..but that day..i saw a whole new Suz be born, lol....oh what a day that was. At least bang a cuter girl..damn!

Isn't that the same guy who was making out with an 80 year old woman in Jamaica?

[OccassionalFun]

Well I walked in on my hubby doing that very thing..dropped his lunch I had brought him. I had no choice but to know...but yes, I would want to know...especially if I need to be getting checked for some disease he may have gotten from the the skank ho he was banging. Being a nurse, that was the first thing I thought of...that and pulling him off of her and punching the living daylights out of him...oh the rage that ensued......now he's not worth the anger..but that day..i saw a whole new Suz be born, lol....oh what a day that was. At least bang a cuter girl..damn!

aww Suz. Sorry that situation ended up hurting you hun. I can't imagine the pain of being blindsided like that if you had no prior knowledge or cause to suspect something.

But interesting enough you are keying on an interesting part of theory I have on what really is the crux of the hurt for most people. I think what bothers some spouses is that they are outraged less about a moment of indiscretion and infidelity than they are about suffering being replaced by somone well below them in terms of decency, looks, class and so on. When these things happen the other spouse can't help but compare themselves to what is replacing them and stealing their happiness. And that can really cheapen one's self image if your spouse's selection of partners was completely insulting and cheapened your own perceived stature and feelings of self worth.

This is why I have told my wife if she ever decides that she needs a simple physical fling to feel good to at least be discreet and have good tastes. She has said the same to me and would not be at all devastated if it was a simple feel-good thing with a stranger who was at least descent and of high caliber and standing.

It would be more upsetting to me to find out that my wife has sex with some fat bald headed slob with no education than it would if she has been with a well hung, articulate, attractive self-made man with good manners and personal hygiene that treated her like a lady. At least the violation would be only superficial and clean up with soap and water. I would genuinely hope she at least got some passing pleasure out of it and would not take it as a complete insult. Perhaps that is just ego but I would at least be able to understand the temptation and not also have to confront the devastation to my own self image had she been with some low-life jerk with no standing in life who was only interested in getting his rocks off in her and collecting her panties as a conquested trophy. (a lot of us guys used to do that in college).

I could easily recover from my spouse having a mere physical fling just as easily as I don't ever think at all of the many lovers she has enjoyed before we were married. (Yes I insisted she tell me about each one before we married and if she enjoyed them or missed them or did them for fun or whatever. And that was an interesting and spicy insight into her sexual appetite and desire that benefited us). But I'd certainly have a heck of a time accepting her lowering her standards to replace me with some slob who didn't treat her like a lady and was selfishly interested in just using her for his own pleasure. I'd go hunt down a guy like that.

OF

[Suz]

Isn't that the same guy who was making out with an 80 year old woman in Jamaica?

She was 65, thank you very much, lol...what a anniversary present that was...since I didn't even get a present. I so deserved some diamond earrings for our 10 yr. I served my time...it's the least I could have gotten, instead of humiliation which he served up well that awful night.


Yes, it mainly is because he picks girls that are (I know this sounds bad and Im not being vain) but bigger and uglier..it is a slap in the face to see him down grade so to speak. He says to me all the time that he knows after we divorce he'll never find a hotter more sexier woman..he knows he had the best and threw it all away. That does console me some but that's just sad to even say that. My happiness is knowing he will never find another better. Damn my life is pathetic, I need another vacation to forget about my failed marriage.:( He wasn't even good in bed, never gave me not one "O" in our 10 yrs of marriage..I shouldn't even care.

[Dmy]

Yes, it mainly is because he picks girls that are (I know this sounds bad and Im not being vain) but bigger and uglier..it is a slap in the face to see him down grade so to speak. He says to me all the time that he knows after we divorce he'll never find a hotter more sexier woman..he knows he had the best and threw it all away. That does console me some but that's just sad to even say that. My happiness is knowing he will never find another better. Damn my life is pathetic, I need another vacation to forget about my failed marriage.:( He wasn't even good in bed, never gave me not one "O" in our 10 yrs of marriage..I shouldn't even care.[/QUOTE]

I know a really good vacation spot! ;) And I believe it is a full service type! :D


And I dont think you failed Suz...Some just dont realize what the REALLY have! I think you are an exceptional wife and mom!........I feel sad to see you go through such crap!

[Suz]

Yes, it mainly is because he picks girls that are (I know this sounds bad and Im not being vain) but bigger and uglier..it is a slap in the face to see him down grade so to speak. He says to me all the time that he knows after we divorce he'll never find a hotter more sexier woman..he knows he had the best and threw it all away. That does console me some but that's just sad to even say that. My happiness is knowing he will never find another better. Damn my life is pathetic, I need another vacation to forget about my failed marriage.:( He wasn't even good in bed, never gave me not one "O" in our 10 yrs of marriage..I shouldn't even care.

I know a really good vacation spot! ;) And I believe it is a full service type! :D


And I dont think you failed Suz...Some just dont realize what the REALLY have! I think you are an exceptional wife and mom!........I feel sad to see you go through such crap![/QUOTE]

Thank you dreamy...you always know the right thing to say and thanks for always being there to listen to me vent about everything:kk

[MCat]

She was 65, thank you very much, lol...what a anniversary present that was...since I didn't even get a present. I so deserved some diamond earrings for our 10 yr. I served my time...it's the least I could have gotten, instead of humiliation which he served up well that awful night.


Yes, it mainly is because he picks girls that are (I know this sounds bad and Im not being vain) but bigger and uglier..it is a slap in the face to see him down grade so to speak. He says to me all the time that he knows after we divorce he'll never find a hotter more sexier woman..he knows he had the best and threw it all away. That does console me some but that's just sad to even say that. My happiness is knowing he will never find another better. Damn my life is pathetic, I need another vacation to forget about my failed marriage.:( He wasn't even good in bed, never gave me not one "O" in our 10 yrs of marriage..I shouldn't even care.

I'm not defending him but your comment about the women he chooses bothers me. Maybe to him they are not too big, not uglier....you think larger women are a downgrade??? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....maybe he got to know her mind and all the rest fell into place. There must have been some attraction there for him to bother with her. Maybe he's going for whats inside the package instead of the wrapping paper.

There are a few of us here that don't have your body, never did, never will. I am quite a bit larger than you are...I don't consider myself a "downgrade".

[Suz]

I'm not defending him but your comment about the women he chooses bothers me. Maybe to him they are not too big, not uglier....you think larger women are a downgrade??? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....maybe he got to know her mind and all the rest fell into place. There must have been some attraction there for him to bother with her. Maybe he's going for whats inside the package instead of the wrapping paper.

There are a few of us here that don't have your body, never did, never will. I am quite a bit larger than you are...I don't consider myself a "downgrade".


Yes, I hope you're not defending him as you don't know the whole story. No, he didn't know the girl he was having sex with on his desk at work. She was some radom act he got it on with..as was the older woman he met while on vacation. As he put it..it was a piece of ass. I was commenting to what the poster OccasionalFun had said about how you feel cheap to see your husband "downgrading" by what you think is a woman not as great as yourself. It wouldn't matter if I was bigger or skinnier, uglier or prettier..the fact is, you see the other woman and if in your eyes, she isnt as good as you think you are, it's always a downgrade. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder that goes for women as well. The woman in her 60's was taller and skinnier than me, but I still saw her as a downgrade. From talking to women that this has happened to, it's one of the first thing that goes through your head....why her? You're right, some people cheat because they found someone that intrigued them emotionally..for me if that had been the case, then I wouldn't have made a comment on this sloppy girl's appearance at all. Anyone that had someone cheat on them can surely understand that yes, you size up the other woman, no matter how right or wrong it is to do it. I wasn't trying to offend you another beautiful woman here on the site. If you knew my situation, that would have been the furthest thing from your mind and just so you know, I am probably one of the most insecure women there is when it comes to what I see in myself, I'm horribly critical of myself and probably always will be, anyone that knows me can vouch for that.

[thickitalian]

Never did before i came here...but didn't count on falling in love with someone from here either....sigh

Cherokee..

It's very easy to fall in love online because we all have passion that has not be unleashed for one reason or another. Online is quite different then we are all accustomed to before online was here...It's great to feel happy each day because of it and in the past I found it best to think things out with a neutral mind...it's not easy but it's the best solution....sorry to run on....if nothing else...run with it and see who hiccups first.

[thickitalian]

Posting anywhere in text...whether it be email IM, posting, or chatis always susceptable to mis-interpretation unless we know the other person very well. I always get myself in trouble because I enjoy tongue in cheek humor and that does not translate well at all in text, especially without knowing me or seeing my dead pan expression with that little hint of a smile...that's just an example...but serious conversations take a hit as well.

The main point is we relaize that after a few more explanative posts and know all parties meant well and spoke their mind as to the interpretation they thought....no right or wrong here...we are a family...in a way....my thoughts.

[OICurready4me]

For someone who knows Suz very well, Mcat, I can speak from a point of knowing that as beautiful as Suz is on the outside, she is 10 times more beautiful on the inside. It is easy to just look at her pics and say that she thinks she's gorgeous and looks down on anyone that isn't as pretty as her. That really is not a fair appraisal of her. She is very self critical, has her own issues about how good she looks, just like any woman. And, believe it or not, having such beauty has really been a curse for her at times. She has different issues to contend with than you could imagine.

If you only knew how hard she works to keep that figure. Daily trips to the gym, working herself hard. Beauty treatments, hair salon, eating right... that figure doesn't come from just waking up in the morning. She is no less insecure as the next woman but the thing that seperates her from the rest is her continuing desire to be the best. She strives for perfection, all the time, and wants to feel loved, desired and respected.

I know the issues she has had in the matrimonial part of her life and he has been very unfaithful to her and has been rather blatant about it. As any woman who was cheated on will probably tell you, just the "rubbing it in your face" aspect of infidelity is a real heart breaker. He has others issues that I will not disclose but can only say that he is someone of very low class and has serious self esteem issues himself.

From talking to many other women who have been cheated on, it is natural to look at "the other woman" and feel that she is not as smart, beautiful, is ugly, fat, too skinny, stupid, wears awful looking clothes, etc...whatever it is. IMO, it is their way of dealing with the infidelity in making themselves feel better by mentally demeaning "the other woman" and thrashing the spouse for going after someone at a lower level than them. I don't know of a single time I have ever heard a woman look at "the other woman" and say, "boy I'm glad he found her, she is so much smarter than me, wow is she more beautiful than me and I bet she is more compatible with him than I am". I think the first time any woman thinks that will be the first and only time.

To put an end to this diatribe, please Mcat, her statement about these other women were not meant one bit to demean anyone on this site. It was her way of dealing with the "in your face" infidelity that her husband continues to show towards her and her daughter. As tough as Suz appears, she has a heart that is full of love and loves women of every shape and size, just not women that are screwing her husband...I don't think that is wrong. Any guy that I found screwing my wife I would feel the same way about. It's a natural act of contrition. Just be careful assuming that is what she was saying when it was not at all. I have gotten myself in trouble making assumptions myself and know that it can really wreck relationships. Thanks, Mcat, for sharing your opinion but think that maybe you may owe Suz an apology for what I think she feels is a personal attack on her character.

[p.J]

I have been thinking about this, especially after reading some of the comments on here. I have been a mistress (a few times in fact, and no I ain't proud of it) and now a wife... so here goes, I'll be blunt and up front, but then I always am... men on average are not very sophisticated when it comes to sex. They are primitive in repose and behaviour as pertains to intercourse. The physical moment and excitement, in almost all cases of the cheater, is more then enough to provoke the act of infidelity,for the rest, I am sure there are other less significant psychological factors like jealousy, anguish, stress etc but the main ingredient is the male sexual pattern. There is a mindset that men typically adapt sometime in puberty that sex is just some sort of game if you will, that must be played over and over and with new exciting players. Because this game always ends with a climactic finale, logically achieving the best climax, is the whole point of playing. Now then, since sex usually concludes after one good cum, and being with a new partner is provocatively stimulating for us, why would it be such an amazing surprise that men cheat? Especially, when after time, relationships erode to the point of such contempt for one another that the mere sound of one's voice is enough to make us reach boiling point. But why do we get tired of our lovers? What is the key to making a relationship last? Well, there is nothing that you can do yourself to force the magic back into a relationship, at least not from what I can tell, so if you're really looking for someone whose going to be faithful to you then you have to find someone whose already faithful by nature, and in the world of men, and in some instances women, that is truly a rare find. Just from my experience though, I have noted that looks have nothing to do with faithfulness ugly men will cheat just like good looking men, when presented the chance. If I was in the position where I wanted to settle down with a partner again, I'd look for men of habit, as they tend to cheat less, and as boring as that sounds, if you can find a guy who lives a very pattered lifestyle, chances are he will make his sex life the same. Question is, do you really want to make that sort of trade off? Well if you can find a guy whose hobbies are similar to yours then that's not such a bad thing, as long as you're willing to be just as patterned too. This is what usually ends up in the life long partnership where you see the two old people bickering with each other as if nobody else is around. Even this though, is prone to infidelity. I guess when it boils down to it, the only way to guarantee perfect sexual fidelity between two people in a relationship is to be the only two people left in existence, and assuming that there is not going to be anyone else ever. So now that I have pissed off a great deal of people, I think I'll end on this note; cheating has happened since the beginning of time, everyone has been or will be cheated on at some point. Some will never know they have been cheated on, and there are some that never cheat, I know which ones I would rather have in my life. :55

[p.J]

Posting anywhere in text...whether it be email IM, posting, or chatis always susceptable to mis-interpretation unless we know the other person very well. I always get myself in trouble because I enjoy tongue in cheek humor and that does not translate well at all in text, especially without knowing me or seeing my dead pan expression with that little hint of a smile...that's just an example...but serious conversations take a hit as well.

The main point is we relaize that after a few more explanative posts and know all parties meant well and spoke their mind as to the interpretation they thought....no right or wrong here...we are a family...in a way....my thoughts.

Excellent thickitalian, and absolutely correct, I have said this to people before as I have a habit of being a tad direct, and like you, love tongue in cheek humour, I happen to be very expressive and do try to portray that in my posts so not to upset anyone... doesn't always work, however! :)

[OICurready4me]

nice ass Jen!

[p.J]

nice ass Jen!

There's me thinking we were going to get deep again...(pardon the pun!) but thank you gorgeous! :55

[Suz]

nice ass Jen!

Ditto....damn girl, you are smokin' hot:55 I can't quit staring, lol

[OICurready4me]

Excellent thickitalian, and absolutely correct, I have said this to people before as I have a habit of being a tad direct, and like you, love tongue in cheek humour, I happen to be very expressive and do try to portray that in my posts so not to upset anyone... doesn't always work, however! :)


That is one of the tough things about posts, PM's, IM's... they are literal. No body language, facial expression or any other connotations that can make the context of only two words be so different, we can't see so I think that is why smilies, at times, can help.

[thickitalian]

Excellent view....

I have been thinking about this, especially after reading some of the comments on here. I have been a mistress (a few times in fact, and no I ain't proud of it) and now a wife... so here goes, I'll be blunt and up front, but then I always am... men on average are not very sophisticated when it comes to sex. They are primitive in repose and behaviour as pertains to intercourse. The physical moment and excitement, in almost all cases of the cheater, is more then enough to provoke the act of infidelity,for the rest, I am sure there are other less significant psychological factors like jealousy, anguish, stress etc but the main ingredient is the male sexual pattern. There is a mindset that men typically adapt sometime in puberty that sex is just some sort of game if you will, that must be played over and over and with new exciting players. Because this game always ends with a climactic finale, logically achieving the best climax, is the whole point of playing. Now then, since sex usually concludes after one good cum, and being with a new partner is provocatively stimulating for us, why would it be such an amazing surprise that men cheat? Especially, when after time, relationships erode to the point of such contempt for one another that the mere sound of one's voice is enough to make us reach boiling point. But why do we get tired of our lovers? What is the key to making a relationship last? Well, there is nothing that you can do yourself to force the magic back into a relationship, at least not from what I can tell, so if you're really looking for someone whose going to be faithful to you then you have to find someone whose already faithful by nature, and in the world of men, and in some instances women, that is truly a rare find. Just from my experience though, I have noted that looks have nothing to do with faithfulness ugly men will cheat just like good looking men, when presented the chance. If I was in the position where I wanted to settle down with a partner again, I'd look for men of habit, as they tend to cheat less, and as boring as that sounds, if you can find a guy who lives a very pattered lifestyle, chances are he will make his sex life the same. Question is, do you really want to make that sort of trade off? Well if you can find a guy whose hobbies are similar to yours then that's not such a bad thing, as long as you're willing to be just as patterned too. This is what usually ends up in the life long partnership where you see the two old people bickering with each other as if nobody else is around. Even this though, is prone to infidelity. I guess when it boils down to it, the only way to guarantee perfect sexual fidelity between two people in a relationship is to be the only two people left in existence, and assuming that there is not going to be anyone else ever. So now that I have pissed off a great deal of people, I think I'll end on this note; cheating has happened since the beginning of time, everyone has been or will be cheated on at some point. Some will never know they have been cheated on, and there are some that never cheat, I know which ones I would rather have in my life. :55

[Outta]

There's me thinking we were going to get deep again...(pardon the pun!) but thank you gorgeous! :55
Yes, we men at M&F are thoughful, intelligent, provacative pervs

[confusedman]

not on my end. would change the dynamic in the house too much, and would definately affect the kids in a way we could never fix.

[OccassionalFun]

... you size up the other woman, no matter how right or wrong it is to do it.

It is ALWAYS RIGHT for the victim to size up and judge the living hell out of the person who is stealing your life and your happiness and about to force you into a living hell and forever change your life. And some would send the adulterer straight to hell.

The ONLY people who place themselves vicariously in the position of the offener and choose to see through the eyes of the offender rather than the victim are those that can all too easily empathize with the same. Such almost always have their own guilty past that would condemn them if they chose the morally proper perspective of the victim.

Welcome to the reversal of norms in this country. We just happen to now be in a degraded social and moral condition where the majority rules and the majority are no longer the victims but rather the offenders.

OF

[Annie]

not on my end. would change the dynamic in the house too much, and would definately affect the kids in a way we could never fix.Amen! The other night when I went I went out with one of my girlfriends, we talked about this very subject. It's not what cheating would do to my relationship with my husband (we'd survive it)... it's what it would do to my son.

When I was about 10 or 11, I found proof my father was cheating. I could tell no one. At that age it's a pretty tough load to carry and I carried that load for a long, long time. Actually, I told no one until I was in my 30's. No one should have to grow up that way. You are right... ya can't fix that!

[confusedman]

Thanks, Annie. Good to know someone else who sees that perspective too.

And thanks to one incredible woman on the site (you know who you are) who helped me think through this aspect of things! You will always be appreciated by me!

[p.J]

Ditto....damn girl, you are smokin' hot:55 I can't quit staring, lol

Um! well as it happens I think you are too! :55

[confusedman]

Um...how could we NOT Jenny?

[OICurready4me]

Um! well as it happens I think you are too! :55


Damn, now if we could just put the both of you in a pool of chocolate or vanilla pudding so you could wrestle a little bit, that would be hot!

[Suz]

It is ALWAYS RIGHT for the victim to size up and judge the living hell out of the person who is stealing your life and your happiness and about to force you into a living hell and forever change your life. And some would send the adulterer straight to hell.

The ONLY people who place themselves vicariously in the position of the offener and choose to see through the eyes of the offender rather than the victim are those that can all too easily empathize with the same. Such almost always have their own guilty past that would condemn them if they chose the morally proper perspective of the victim.

Welcome to the reversal of norms in this country. We just happen to now be in a degraded social and moral condition where the majority rules and the majority are no longer the victims but rather the offenders.

OF


yes, I never said it was the right way to be. I was totally faithful to his sorry ass. I never cook for him and was doing something so nice...so I thought. I made him lasagna and a salad and for the first time in my life was trying to be a good wife and show him I can be all that he wanted. I walked into a nightmare that day....and my nightmare continues with so much more than I ever bargained for or dreamed would happen to me. When you dream as I did of growing up marrying a man...you never dream of the pain that goes along with it. Cheating right now is not even at the top of the list of what I'm going through with him right now, it's unreal what I endure day to day. Worst part is my daughter witnessing this horror of a marriage. I never know if I have to pack us up and leave again...everyday I never know.

Thanks OF for understanding my pain I'm going through:kk

[tiger50]

my spouse cheatin..?? wud i wanna know....hell yeh......hey bring him home.. lets fed him up.. groom him to take over the feedin u money bit....

[majorfun]

I am not certain if this thread is the place to address it but why do you return.... I was in law enforcement for eleven years and I could never understand why do people continue to return to harmful environments...Whether it is drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, molestation...etc...Why would anyone allow their child to grow up in that environment...Sorry



yes, I never said it was the right way to be. I was totally faithful to his sorry ass. I never cook for him and was doing something so nice...so I thought. I made him lasagna and a salad and for the first time in my life was trying to be a good wife and show him I can be all that he wanted. I walked into a nightmare that day....and my nightmare continues with so much more than I ever bargained for or dreamed would happen to me. When you dream as I did of growing up marrying a man...you never dream of the pain that goes along with it. Cheating right now is not even at the top of the list of what I'm going through with him right now, it's unreal what I endure day to day. Worst part is my daughter witnessing this horror of a marriage. I never know if I have to pack us up and leave again...everyday I never know.

Thanks OF for understanding my pain I'm going through:kk

[Annie]

I am not certain if this thread is the place to address it but why do you return.... I was in law enforcement for eleven years and I could never understand why do people continue to return to harmful environments...Whether it is drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, molestation...etc...Why would anyone allow their child to grow up in that environment...SorryI agree! Why go back? If you allow your daughter to grow up in a mentally unstable and abusive home whether or not your daughter is being directly abused... then you are, in some ways neglecting her. You are setting her up for the very same kind of relationship in her future that you have now! Is that what you want for her? Children learn by watching US! Think about what you are showing her!


btw... it's good to see you Major!