Is sex overrated?

[p.J]

...well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!

[OICurready4me]

It's overrated possibly for the people who get it all the time. They have nothing to worry about but for a guy like me who isn't getting a sniff (pun intended), it is severely underrated.

[twoblues]

Sex is definitely not overrated. Sex with the right person can be the best feeling one has (personal opinion) and can "squelch" a craving, if only for an instant.

I'll admit, I am always searching for the best sex out there, but a lot of that has to do with improving what I bring to the table...er...bedroom because sex is usually between 2 people and it's the merging of both peoples' experiences that result in great/normal/or bad sex.

As for devoting time, I think you're right. At home, I need to clean, cook, work, laze in front of the tv, but with an affair, it's focused mainly on the sex.

Bad sex is bad, but great sex has one begging for more ;)

[Cotties]

if its not with you wife its usually over rated....and I have slept with some women and half way thru I wish I hadn't...


yep its over rated but some some great moments

[p.J]

I just knew I could depend on OIC and twoblues, as always succinctly put! ;)


I wonder however, if men and women feel differently, after all isn't there more pressure on women to perform? It is us that are expected to clean, cook, and play the whore in the bedroom or in twoblues case, where ever...

[NYCMasterplumber]

at is [QUOTE=PragmaticJen]I just knew I could depend on OIC and twoblues, as always succinctly put! ;)


I wonder however, if men and women feel differently, after all isn't there more pressure on women to perform? It is us that are expected to clean, cook, and play the whore in the bedroom or in twoblues case, where ever...[/QUOTE


Exactly that is why I always made it with a married lady as she wants to get a break from the dull drums and go wild and a lot of times people will do things with a lover then they would with their spouses Human nature is a funny thing:sex:sex:sex:sex:sex

[Cotties]

come here and I'll show you succinctly;) I just knew I could depend on OIC and twoblues, as always succinctly put! ;)


I wonder however, if men and women feel differently, after all isn't there more pressure on women to perform? It is us that are expected to clean, cook, and play the whore in the bedroom or in twoblues case, where ever...

[Big O]

It's not overated, The best sex I ever had was with a woman That I truely believe is my soulmate.

[p.J]

ahhhhhhhhh! but see, its the newness isn't it... sex with someone who is different from the husband or wife, is going to be exciting, well most of the time anyway, perhaps thats it, the 'squelch' is wanting what we had when we were single, as said by me, 'thrilling days of singleton life' but after a while does it not become like a familiar pair of comfy Tuesday knickers again? A vicious circle?

[Cotties]

then why didn't you do that bird you met at work and got back to her house a couple of weeks ago:sc It's not overated, The best sex I ever had was with a woman That I truely believe is my soulmate.

[OICurready4me]

I just knew I could depend on OIC and twoblues, as always succinctly put! ;)


I wonder however, if men and women feel differently, after all isn't there more pressure on women to perform? It is us that are expected to clean, cook, and play the whore in the bedroom or in twoblues case, where ever...


I didn't want to let you down, Jen! Hell, I clean, cook, and just pray for the day to play the whore... instead playing the part of the one armed bandit!

[Big O]

then why didn't you do that bird you met at work and got back to her house a couple of weeks ago:sc

I wasn't prepared........

[p.J]

I didn't want to let you down, Jen! Hell, I clean, cook, and just pray for the day to play the whore... instead playing the part of the one armed bandit!

:D O dear... um! well that peed on my Bonfire...

[zobman]

If it is,,I must be really really old!!

[twoblues]

ahhhhhhhhh! but see, its the newness isn't it... sex with someone who is different from the husband or wife, is going to be exciting, well most of the time anyway, perhaps thats it, the 'squelch' is wanting what we had when we were single, as said by me, 'thrilling days of singleton life' but after a while does it not become like a familiar pair of comfy Tuesday knickers again? A vicious circle?

Sex with someone new is exciting, but sex with someone you've known for a while (sexually) can be even more exciting because you are more comfortable with the person. As long as you are both open to new things and are still attracted to each other, then there is no reason the thrill will not always be there.

Of course, when you marry someone, you see them at all times of the day and in all different states (just out of bed, unshowered, etc) which can dampen the sexual fire between the two.

[steamy]

Sex and its growth depends on the two that are becoming one. If they are in tune it will never do anything but grow. I have learned this........... I am a true believer. The magic is out there.

[aceofspades1114]

Just depends on the factors

if your getting some every night then yeah it probably could be, depends if the other person is good at it, and if you got feelings for the person to

[steamy]

Sex is way way underrated in my book....................smiling

[aceofspades1114]

its not over-rated right now, its very very very underrated,lol

[Inspector72]

Um I guess it is all in how you rate it, and with who!:lmao When you are single, yeah you can pick and chose a new lover all the time and that can get just as old and two married people you lost that spark. But I believe when you have that connection there are blissful nights. The passion doesn't have to end, you just gotta keep it fun, new and exciting...throw some surprises in there as well as some risk...adn then watch what happens!;) I don't think sex is over-rated or under-rated, but the goal is not to become complacent.

[p.J]

Sex with someone new is exciting, but sex with someone you've known for a while (sexually) can be even more exciting because you are more comfortable with the person. As long as you are both open to new things and are still attracted to each other, then there is no reason the thrill will not always be there.

Of course, when you marry someone, you see them at all times of the day and in all different states (just out of bed, unshowered, etc) which can dampen the sexual fire between the two.

twoblues is that a contradiction in terms??
You see, from what I can conclude from this post and other posts, is that sex is perhaps overrated in 'marriage'... Do we bid farewell to the frenetic sexual activity we once enjoyed with new partners, even long term ones! when we settle down to marriage? Does the initial passion starts to dwindle? But lets ask ourselves, does that passion have to be constant any more than laughter in a relationship? I'd say both equally important! Does sex enrich our lives or are we increasingly obsessed with it, if thats the case perhaps it needs knocking off its pedestal?
Now even a bigger shock horror knee in the balls theory! what if, relationships don't split up through lack of sex, No, sex is just one of many ingredients required to maintain a healthy marriage! Do people embark on affairs because of a lack of sex at home. nooooooooo! complacency coupled with a lack of love, understanding, or recognition sends people hurtling down that path.... don't you think?

[Outta]

Sex isn't overrated. Marriage is.

[OICurready4me]

:D O dear... um! well that peed on my Bonfire...


Sorry about that, Jen, would never want to pee on your bonfire...unless I first started a fire in the bush!

[Crawfish]

I don't think you can say sex is overated for everyone. People are different. For some people sex is all that they can think about. At times I think sex is overated. Other times I think that it is the best thing in the world!

[joshcamp69]

Sex is never over-rated. It is what you make of it.

[Inspector72]

twoblues is that a contradiction in terms??
You see, from what I can conclude from this post and other posts, is that sex is perhaps overrated in 'marriage'... Do we bid farewell to the frenetic sexual activity we once enjoyed with new partners, even long term ones! when we settle down to marriage? Does the initial passion starts to dwindle? But lets ask ourselves, does that passion have to be constant any more than laughter in a relationship? I'd say both equally important! Does sex enrich our lives or are we increasingly obsessed with it, if thats the case perhaps it needs knocking off its pedestal?
Now even a bigger shock horror knee in the balls theory! what if, relationships don't split up through lack of sex, No, sex is just one of many ingredients required to maintain a healthy marriage! Do people embark on affairs because of a lack of sex at home. nooooooooo! complacency coupled with a lack of love, understanding, or recognition sends people hurtling down that path.... don't you think?


I fully agree here. I don't think people get married just because of sex. I think that is safe to say. Love and marriage is a mixture of so many things coming from each person. Sex does enrich one's life and it has healthy benefits such as stress relief and so on. Yet it is in my view that when poeple become complacent, have a lack of love, recognition, appreciation, and respect it can leave sex, and marriage crippled as just an act. Sex like love, marriage, or just about anything needs fuel, maintenance, and cleaning. It is the ones who can explore, use their imagination, risk a little to try new things, and communicate openly...whoa! that is when sex is...well shall we say mind blowing?

[Rmb]

Not when I am involved :)

[CJSinIL]

I dont' know how anyone can think sex is overrated. If anything, I feel it is underrated. I mean look at rabbits. They have the right idea. Thus the term, humping like rabbits.

[Willy S]

yes, it probably is - in the U.S. especially

[cherokeered]

If sex is overrated then why are people here complaining about a lack of it or the quality of it? Why do people seek out fuck buddies, affairs and other sexual pleasures if sex is not really that important?

I think that sex is often taken for granted and pushed to the back of the list when life becomes too harried. I think sex is often the first thing that goes when trouble ensues, thereby creating an even bigger void.

Sex is communication and a renewal of a commitment to one another. It is expression of a bond that exists and the release of emotional elements that revive ones feelings of hope and acceptance.

I think that sex is vital to a relationship. It is necessary for so many reasons. It makes you feel alive is the best I can think of......

[SirFox]

If sex is overrated then why are people here complaining about a lack of it or the quality of it? Why do people seek out fuck buddies, affairs and other sexual pleasures if sex is not really that important?

I think that sex is often taken for granted and pushed to the back of the list when life becomes too harried. I think sex is often the first thing that goes when trouble ensues, thereby creating an even bigger void.

Sex is communication and a renewal of a commitment to one another. It is expression of a bond that exists and the release of emotional elements that revive ones feelings of hope and acceptance.

I think that sex is vital to a relationship. It is necessary for so many reasons. It makes you feel alive is the best I can think of......



CHEROKEE...My hat or my pants off to you! Exactly my sentiments.

If you knew how sex can cure MOST depressions, you might be amazed. The problem is there is a viscious circle...one gets deeper and deeper into depression and one wants sex less and less. Through out the valuim and the prozac and COMMUNICATE.

Sex is a therapy onto itself for many brain, heart, blood and digestive problems. Let it hang out and you will see.

[CJSinIL]

I think sex is very important. I know in my marriage, the lack of sex has put a strain on other aspects of our marriage. I now get upset when she spends most of my money, and that she is lazy. Before, I didn't care how much money she spent, because I was happy. Now I'm not. I agree with Cherokee, that if its not important, why are we here talking about it, looking for others to talk to, or meet, or have an affair with.

[this-is-crazy]

I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:

[p.J]

this-is-crazy ... bloody bravo... bloody bloody great post! :55

[AbsolutGuy]

Sex is not overrated. Physical intimacy can enhance emotional intimacy, and visa-versa. Some of the other posts talk about sex being great when it's new. I think sex can continue to be great over the long haul ... if you are willing to try different things just to avoid getting stuck in a rut. In fact, a little exploration can go a long way toward maintaining a pretty good excitement level. If one or both partners are not willing to play a little, well that might say more about their relationship then anything about sex itself being "overrated."

[steamy]

I can't really think you can put us all in the same mold:) I love romance, passion, seduction, and can deal with a good arguement and the terrific make up sex!!!!! Everyone is built different. Sometimes we don't drive the car around enough before we buy it (men and women included). We all fail at this at one time or another. The issue becomes what are you willing to put up with? I used to think one size fits all too. But as time goes on you will see that white and black issues are more gray..... Don't wait too long before your life passes you by. And in my opinion............orgasms are a given with the right partner. I wish you much happiness as you walk your journey:wa:



everything is not so white and blackI think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:

[CJSinIL]

I think men are into passion as well. I guess it depends on the guy. I know my wife isn't into passion at all. She's not into sex at all. For guys its usually pretty simple. Tell them thats what you want. We are simple creatures. We don't like to guess, or play games. If you like something, tell us about it. Don't get mad when we can't figure it out. If we can't figure it out, sometimes its fun to figure it out together. I had a long time gf who let it be known she wanted passion. When she started ripping clothes, etc. I got into it as well. Just some thoughts.



I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:

[SirFox]

CRAZY: A superb peice of prose there. CONGRATULATIONS... Particularly liked the pissed off lady at the end of the post! :D

I have been thinking of a thread that deals with SEDUCTION for quite some time now...something along the lines of how do you seduce your ladies and men? :)

Methinks that MEN and WOMEN have to get off their asses and start to wonder if they are making history in their couples. :sc

[SirFox]

I think men are into passion as well. I guess it depends on the guy. I know my wife isn't into passion at all. She's not into sex at all. For guys its usually pretty simple. Tell them thats what you want. We are simple creatures. We don't like to guess, or play games. If you like something, tell us about it. Don't get mad when we can't figure it out. If we can't figure it out, sometimes its fun to figure it out together. I had a long time gf who let it be known she wanted passion. When she started ripping clothes, etc. I got into it as well. Just some thoughts.

Well said CJ..Well said!

[longnhard32]

i love women and love sex in that order how can you over rate that:sex :knuddel:

[pointofnoreturn]

...well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!! Did not marry for sex. Married for love....Now I need sex to feel loved. No sex...no love What ?????

[SirFox]

Did not marry for sex. Married for love....Now I need sex to feel loved. No sex...no love What ?????

DId your husband marry for sex?

[pointofnoreturn]

DId your husband marry for sex?I do not believe he did. ACtually told me a few years ago he would have been happy if we never had gotten married, and just kept dating. We dated for 8 1/2 years before we got married.:wa:

[Cotties]

lets be grown up here..well I'll try...in society we put so much pressure on youth because of adults and how highly we rate it....we act like nothing in the world is as good or more important...its a society thats getting tricked by marketing and over exposed to sexual content in our daily lives....


but lets be honest here..its not to sexy to say its over rated if you want women here to think you are over loaded with testosterone...Rhumba proved my point:)


I dont' know how anyone can think sex is overrated. If anything, I feel it is underrated. I mean look at rabbits. They have the right idea. Thus the term, humping like rabbits.

[twoblues]

twoblues is that a contradiction in terms??

I'm a walking contradiction baby!


complacency coupled with a lack of love, understanding, or recognition sends people hurtling down that path.... don't you think?

Well, there is no lack of love in my household, but there is definitely complacency. That's sort of what I was trying to say earlier.

Sex with another is new and invigorating. That passion can continue because it's both adventurous and "not continuous". You see each other only at your best (made up), usually, unlike your spouse which you see not always at their best.

Dang, lost my train of thought.

[Jy]

All excellent questions, Jen.
For starters, I want to say that yes, sex can improve your complexion! Mainly because it increases your heartrate, thus increasing circulation, especially to your face!
In my humble opinion, I think we set the bar too high, and when the sex we're getting as marrieds doesn't live up to our expectations, we get discouraged, disappointed, and can often wander farther afield to satisfy those expectations.
Why do we have such high standards? Take a look around! Look at movies, music videos, advertisements; everyone seems to be having mind-blowing sex but us!! Who's sex life can live up to these computer-enhanced, carefully staged scenarios we are bombarded with by the media?
Many long-term couples here have given us the key; all we need to do is act on it. Invest the time and energy on making your partner feel special, get creative, especially if things are stale, keep it fresh, surprise your lover in new ways. Sounds easy, doesn't it? No, it's not. But then again, the greatest achievements rarely are easy....well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!

[northernvam]

I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:

Crazy,

One of the things I love about your posts is what your assumptions are based upon. Sex is one of those things where to people who have sex together can walk away from the encounter having had two very different experiences. The same encounter can be viewed very differently by the two parties involved, mostly because each of us gives "sex" our own meaning.

You are right, sex, intimacy, and connection seem to have a different meaning for you than it does for your husband. I tend to disagree with your comment that it is the porn that "deceives" men into thinking that they are having good sex when they aren't.

For some people, they have a good time with sex just be getting to an orgasm. Granted, that might be a somewhat limted viewpoint, put it doesn't make it invalid. It's like saying that someone who doesn't enjoy a variety of food, doesn't enjoy eating. Some people like to eat the same thing day in and day out, and when asked if they enjoy their meals, they say "yes". Others need a varitey of foods in order to be satisfied.

In your case, I think you're husband likes "meat and potatoes" sex, while you seem to want "gourmet" sex, with a nice atmosphere, nice presentation, and a variety to stimulate your senses. So, the real question is how to get a "meat and potatoes" person to appreicate a "gourmet" meal?

Another part of this is the ability for each spouse to really be able to understand and accept who the other person is. If you want to do something sexually that is uncomfortable for you spouse, how do you resolve that? Say you like having sex outdoors, but your husband doesn't enjoy that .... how do conflicts like that get resolved?

Ideally, I would how that our spouses would help us to grow and stretch ourselves sexually ... and to help us achieve the kind of pleasure and satisfaction of having our desires accepted and fullfilled by our spouses. On the other hand, I think many times the experience goes the other way, rather than having spouses fullfill our desires, they seem to want to deny our requests, or perhaps they are too uncomfortable with them to accept them.

I go back to the woman who said that her husband doesn't know she masturbates, and doesn't want to know. How can you have a fullfilling sex life, when your partner denies a basic part of your sexuality?

That's my two cents.

[spare_change]

I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex.

................

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction. I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:

You have defined the basic conundrum about sex. Men think of it as a bodily function -- women think of it as an experience. Most men agree with your husband -- most women agree with you.

Men enjoy the trip -- the foreplay, the fun, the act -- but their goal is to get to the other end. Women, enjoy the trip, but can be perfectly content if they don't get to the other end (well, not all the time!) I guarantee there isn't many guys on this site that says, "Well, I didn't cum, but it's okay, I enjoyed it so much I don't care".

Somebody once said, "Women give sex to get love, while men give love to get sex."

[MCat]

CHEROKEE...My hat or my pants off to you! Exactly my sentiments.

If you knew how sex can cure MOST depressions, you might be amazed. The problem is there is a viscious circle...one gets deeper and deeper into depression and one wants sex less and less. Through out the valuim and the prozac and COMMUNICATE.

Sex is a therapy onto itself for many brain, heart, blood and digestive problems. Let it hang out and you will see.

Sex is like an antidepressant for me, my blood pressure came down when we started having sex more often. By the way Hank.....doc says the blood pressures a little too high right now:55

I personally enjoy "mad sex". When a couple fights they should have sex....its so furious and passionate when you're mad, gets rid of all that tension and anger.

Sex is kinda like going to church.....puts the spring back into my step, the color in my cheeks, and makes me want to get out of bed the next day.

[speed_raycer]

Mcat wrote:Sex is kinda like going to church.....puts the spring back into my step, the color in my cheeks, and makes me want to get out of bed the next day.[/QUOTE]

LOL. I'd love to go to your church. Is it Our Lady of the Mattress? :D

[Pebbles]

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
Marlene Dietrich quote.

[wwwdodgeit]

i dont think so , it keeps u young at heart

[wwwdodgeit]

it my work out 4 times a week

[p.J]

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
Marlene Dietrich quote.

Hey! moonstone, where abouts in blighty are you from? :wa:

[SirFox]

Mcat wrote:Sex is kinda like going to church.....puts the spring back into my step, the color in my cheeks, and makes me want to get out of bed the next day.

LOL. I'd love to go to your church. Is it Our Lady of the Mattress? :D[/QUOTE]

SPEED: I like that...Our Lady of the Mattress. VERY VERY GOOD!

[dartgirl]

It's easy to say it's overrated when you are not getting any. Makes it easier to tell yourself it's not that important.

[twoblues]

It's easy to say it's overrated when you are not getting any. Makes it easier to tell yourself it's not that important.

Well, ladies and gentlemen and O Holiest of Holies Our Lady of the Mattress, we have our first blasphemer!

O how shalt we deal with her!

[SirFox]

Well, ladies and gentlemen and O Holiest of Holies Our Lady of the Mattress, we have our first blasphemer!

O how shalt we deal with her!

Do we try DART in front of a 12 panel jury of men or more? :D

[twoblues]

Do we try DART in front of a 12 panel jury of men or more? :D

I suppose we'd better make sure that there is a "panel" separating us from her. Nudge nudge wink wink :p

[dartgirl]

I suppose we'd better make sure that there is a "panel" separating us from her. Nudge nudge wink wink :p

Are you scared of little ol me?

[yaser]

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
Marlene Dietrich quote.
I am Picassoo of sex.

[SirFox]

I suppose we'd better make sure that there is a "panel" separating us from her. Nudge nudge wink wink :p

What charges should we try her on? You can make up for DART's benefit.. :wa:

[dartgirl]

I can hardly wait to hear what the two of you come up with.

[Big O]

I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:


My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O.


So don't I. I like the way he thinks!!! :D

Big O

[twoblues]

I can hardly wait to hear what the two of you come up with.

Well, we'll definitely have to restrain you so that we can pass our...um...judgement.

So, first, someone needs to get the nylons and the chair.

Second, our panel must be convened. Maybe a little..um...one on one interrogation is in order first.

Of course, we only dish out...er...corporal punishment, so there will definitely be some spanking ;)

[dartgirl]

One on one, huh! Spanking! NOT THE CHAIR!!! Now who told you my secret fantasy?

[SirFox]

Well, we'll definitely have to restrain you so that we can pass our...um...judgement.

So, first, someone needs to get the nylons and the chair.

Second, our panel must be convened. Maybe a little..um...one on one interrogation is in order first.

Of course, we only dish out...er...corporal punishment, so there will definitely be some spanking ;)


I wonder if we should not return to old methods of yesterday with one judge, and one or two men metting out the punishment. The good old ways also included that the accused was accused even though she might be innocent...

Think that 12 men is a little much and it doesn't give us quite the leeway we might need...
What do you think?

[twoblues]

I wonder if we should not return to old methods of yesterday with one judge, and one or two men metting out the punishment. The good old ways also included that the accused was accused even though she might be innocent...

Think that 12 men is a little much and it doesn't give us quite the leeway we might need...
What do you think?

Ha, yes, 1 or 2 men could handle her, I'm sure ;)

Nothing like falling back on tradition to help teach someone that sex isn't overrated. It's a good thing that I've already passed judgement and I have found her guilty. The Holy Lady of the Mattress has already communicated to me that it will definitely need to be a hands on judgement and ...punishment.

[dartgirl]

Oh my! I am so scared!! (((yeah right!!!)))

[this-is-crazy]

Crazy,

One of the things I love about your posts is what your assumptions are based upon. Sex is one of those things where to people who have sex together can walk away from the encounter having had two very different experiences. The same encounter can be viewed very differently by the two parties involved, mostly because each of us gives "sex" our own meaning.

You are right, sex, intimacy, and connection seem to have a different meaning for you than it does for your husband. I tend to disagree with your comment that it is the porn that "deceives" men into thinking that they are having good sex when they aren't.

For some people, they have a good time with sex just be getting to an orgasm. Granted, that might be a somewhat limted viewpoint, put it doesn't make it invalid. It's like saying that someone who doesn't enjoy a variety of food, doesn't enjoy eating. Some people like to eat the same thing day in and day out, and when asked if they enjoy their meals, they say "yes". Others need a varitey of foods in order to be satisfied.

In your case, I think you're husband likes "meat and potatoes" sex, while you seem to want "gourmet" sex, with a nice atmosphere, nice presentation, and a variety to stimulate your senses. So, the real question is how to get a "meat and potatoes" person to appreicate a "gourmet" meal?

Another part of this is the ability for each spouse to really be able to understand and accept who the other person is. If you want to do something sexually that is uncomfortable for you spouse, how do you resolve that? Say you like having sex outdoors, but your husband doesn't enjoy that .... how do conflicts like that get resolved?

Ideally, I would how that our spouses would help us to grow and stretch ourselves sexually ... and to help us achieve the kind of pleasure and satisfaction of having our desires accepted and fullfilled by our spouses. On the other hand, I think many times the experience goes the other way, rather than having spouses fullfill our desires, they seem to want to deny our requests, or perhaps they are too uncomfortable with them to accept them.

I go back to the woman who said that her husband doesn't know she masturbates, and doesn't want to know. How can you have a fullfilling sex life, when your partner denies a basic part of your sexuality?

That's my two cents.

God I love this place. It's so funny, because I never really thought about how we, men and women, do actually walk away from sex with probably totally different experiences. The guy might be patting himself on the back for a job well done and the girl is already stressing over when he's going to call her again.

My husband is definitely a meat and potatoes guy! :lmao And that really does describe kinda everything he does! Now, I have to say that I don't think I'm gourmet neccessarily...never really cared about ambiance...the candles...the music...etc. I always care about how much passion is involved.

My husband is not a bad lover. He's very considerate and giving and will do anything I ask for. It's that spark that's missing for me though. Definitely the feelings behind it that make it so grand. Ya know, the build up. Not there. My husband thinks he can dive right into the oral favor without having touched me and then expects me to get all excited within seconds. I guess that's because all I have to do is touch him and he's "on". I've tried to explain that it doesn't work that way for me, so he attempts the massage. That lasts about 30 seconds before he can't stand it anymore.

I feel like I'm doing an awful lot of bitching about my husband and frankly, I'm sick of myself now. *LOL*

[dartgirl]

God I love this place. It's so funny, because I never really thought about how we, men and women, do actually walk away from sex with probably totally different experiences. The guy might be patting himself on the back for a job well done and the girl is already stressing over when he's going to call her again.

My husband is definitely a meat and potatoes guy! :lmao And that really does describe kinda everything he does! Now, I have to say that I don't think I'm gourmet neccessarily...never really cared about ambiance...the candles...the music...etc. I always care about how much passion is involved.

My husband is not a bad lover. He's very considerate and giving and will do anything I ask for. It's that spark that's missing for me though. Definitely the feelings behind it that make it so grand. Ya know, the build up. Not there. My husband thinks he can dive right into the oral favor without having touched me and then expects me to get all excited within seconds. I guess that's because all I have to do is touch him and he's "on". I've tried to explain that it doesn't work that way for me, so he attempts the massage. That lasts about 30 seconds before he can't stand it anymore.

I feel like I'm doing an awful lot of bitching about my husband and frankly, I'm sick of myself now. *LOL*

Hi, we haven't met yet. Hope you enjoy your stay.

Don't worry about bitching about your spouse. After you have been here awhile and read more of the posts you will find that we all do, or alot of us anyway. I know I have done my share. It has helped relieve alot of stress.

[this-is-crazy]

I can't really think you can put us all in the same mold:) I love romance, passion, seduction, and can deal with a good arguement and the terrific make up sex!!!!! Everyone is built different. Sometimes we don't drive the car around enough before we buy it (men and women included). We all fail at this at one time or another. The issue becomes what are you willing to put up with? I used to think one size fits all too. But as time goes on you will see that white and black issues are more gray..... Don't wait too long before your life passes you by. And in my opinion............orgasms are a given with the right partner. I wish you much happiness as you walk your journey:wa:



everything is not so white and black


Hey, I did exempt the men who do those things from my attack. ;-)

Drive the car around before we buy it...hmm. I don't know that we drove around long before we got married, but I also can't say that we were having this long seduction type of sex when we were dating either. We were like rabbits. There wasn't much time for seduction before one or the other was ripping the clothes off.

We can't even have makeup sex, because we never fight! Pretty pathetic! *LOL*

[this-is-crazy]

Hi, we haven't met yet. Hope you enjoy your stay.

Don't worry about bitching about your spouse. After you have been here awhile and read more of the posts you will find that we all do, or alot of us anyway. I know I have done my share. It has helped relieve alot of stress.

Hi and thanks! I'm really enjoying myself so far...including the bitching about my spouse sometimes. ;-)

I think I've got a good deal of frustration and stress built up that needs to be released! Thanks for reading and not telling me to shut up! :lf

[this-is-crazy]

twoblues is that a contradiction in terms??
You see, from what I can conclude from this post and other posts, is that sex is perhaps overrated in 'marriage'... Do we bid farewell to the frenetic sexual activity we once enjoyed with new partners, even long term ones! when we settle down to marriage? Does the initial passion starts to dwindle? But lets ask ourselves, does that passion have to be constant any more than laughter in a relationship? I'd say both equally important! Does sex enrich our lives or are we increasingly obsessed with it, if thats the case perhaps it needs knocking off its pedestal?
Now even a bigger shock horror knee in the balls theory! what if, relationships don't split up through lack of sex, No, sex is just one of many ingredients required to maintain a healthy marriage! Do people embark on affairs because of a lack of sex at home. nooooooooo! complacency coupled with a lack of love, understanding, or recognition sends people hurtling down that path.... don't you think?

As women, I'm sure we obsess about sex and the meaning behind it in our marriage much more than the guys do. That's what I'm gathering from these posts. I think for women, the connection we get from sex is what we need to last in our marriage, and the guys (not all, but most), they just need to keep getting laid in the marriage.

I bet women cheat for the emotional connection and men cheat, because they aren't getting it at home. ;)

I am not bored with my spouse sexually. I can't even say boredom in the bedroom is the problem. It really isn't, but trying new things, new toys, new whatever really doesn't take the place of the passion we once felt when we couldn't get enough of each other on every level.

I think that spontaneous passion in a marriage would be even more exciting than constant!

Maybe I just need to get mind-*ucked! :D

[dartgirl]

Not necessarily true. I've had more than enough of a clingy, emotional needy hubby. I want to and have cheated strictly for the sex. Finding an emotional connection is nice but what I want is someone to be friends with, enjoying the fun things in life. I can take care of myself, I don't need someone to do that for me. What I don't want is for someone to say that they can't live without me, can't imagine life without me. That is more stress than anyone person should have to carry.

I want sex, pure and simple.

Sorry got on a rampage and got sidetracked. Feeling much better now.

[this-is-crazy]

Not necessarily true. I've had more than enough of a clingy, emotional needy hubby. I want to and have cheated strictly for the sex. Finding an emotional connection is nice but what I want is someone to be friends with, enjoying the fun things in life. I can take care of myself, I don't need someone to do that for me. What I don't want is for someone to say that they can't live without me, can't imagine life without me. That is more stress than anyone person should have to carry.

I want sex, pure and simple.

Sorry got on a rampage and got sidetracked. Feeling much better now.

Aww, yet another view to consider! I think I'd be pretty sick of the needy clingy guy too. And yeah, I can totally understand the stress it's causing you. I had a guy run himself into a tree exceeding the speed of 90 mph, because he thought I broke up with him. He's alive, but suffered major brain damage. When he started talking again, all he talked about was me. His family wanted me no where around him, because they were afraid of what he would do to himself if he thought he was losing me. STRESSFUL!

I don't think I could ever live with the stress of thinking another person would just fall apart or die if I left. When I was much younger, I use to think I would die without whatever guy I was dating at the time. *LOL* I can't believe I was ever like that. I need my own life too. I just don't need sex that bad.

Then again...

So it sounds like what you need is just no strings attached sex, because you DON'T get that at home! :di I have toys...they have no emotions....*LOL*

[p.J]

As women, I'm sure we obsess about sex and the meaning behind it in our marriage much more than the guys do. That's what I'm gathering from these posts. I think for women, the connection we get from sex is what we need to last in our marriage, and the guys (not all, but most), they just need to keep getting laid in the marriage.

I bet women cheat for the emotional connection and men cheat, because they aren't getting it at home. ;)

I am not bored with my spouse sexually. I can't even say boredom in the bedroom is the problem. It really isn't, but trying new things, new toys, new whatever really doesn't take the place of the passion we once felt when we couldn't get enough of each other on every level.

I think that spontaneous passion in a marriage would be even more exciting than constant!

Maybe I just need to get mind-*ucked! :D

I like this lady... you my friend have hit the nail on the head!
Passion makes a woman feel special, its an instinctive emotion, and above all its an important ingredient for a successful marriage. Isn't marriage USUALLY composed of two, consenting adults who share mutual feelings of love, trust and passion and isn't this special relationship built on foundations stemming from these reciprocal emotional bonds?

[northernvam]

God I love this place. It's so funny, because I never really thought about how we, men and women, do actually walk away from sex with probably totally different experiences. The guy might be patting himself on the back for a job well done and the girl is already stressing over when he's going to call her again.

My husband is definitely a meat and potatoes guy! :lmao And that really does describe kinda everything he does! Now, I have to say that I don't think I'm gourmet neccessarily...never really cared about ambiance...the candles...the music...etc. I always care about how much passion is involved.

My husband is not a bad lover. He's very considerate and giving and will do anything I ask for. It's that spark that's missing for me though. Definitely the feelings behind it that make it so grand. Ya know, the build up. Not there. My husband thinks he can dive right into the oral favor without having touched me and then expects me to get all excited within seconds. I guess that's because all I have to do is touch him and he's "on". I've tried to explain that it doesn't work that way for me, so he attempts the massage. That lasts about 30 seconds before he can't stand it anymore.

I feel like I'm doing an awful lot of bitching about my husband and frankly, I'm sick of myself now. *LOL*

Hey .. there's nothing wrong with meat and potatoes. So maybe he's OK with eating in food prepared by a short order cook, while you want a meal prepared by someone who takes a little more time and care in making the meal.

I think what you just said is that passion is what you want to feel, but what is passion? I mean it sounds like he's a pretty passionate guy if all you have to do is touch him and he's "on". I know that wouldn't work for me, particularly now that I've gotten older. My pump needs more priming now than it did when I was in my 20s and 30s, so I enjoy foreplay much more now that I used to.

It sounds like you're not as interested in the "act" itself, as you are in the things that go on around it. From what I read, you'd probably consider your husband giving you a sensual bubble bath more passionate than him lapping at your kitty ... What we consider passionate really is personal preference, isn't it?

.

[pointofnoreturn]

Hey .. there's nothing wrong with meat and potatoes. So maybe he's OK with eating in food prepared by a short order cook, while you want a meal prepared by someone who takes a little more time and care in making the meal.

I think what you just said is that passion is what you want to feel, but what is passion? I mean it sounds like he's a pretty passionate guy if all you have to do is touch him and he's "on". I know that wouldn't work for me, particularly now that I've gotten older. My pump needs more priming now than it did when I was in my 20s and 30s, so I enjoy foreplay much more now that I used to.

It sounds like you're not as interested in the "act" itself, as you are in the things that go on around it. From what I read, you'd probably consider your husband giving you a sensual bubble bath more passionate than him lapping at your kitty ... What we consider passionate really is personal preference, isn't it?

.Bubble baths are alwayys nice...:wa:

[yaser]

Bubble baths are alwayys nice...:wa:
alone?

[BlueEyedBoy]

Sex is not over ratted. It is great when you are with the right partner. Sex and making love are to different animals. You can be having great sex and not be making love. I prefer to make love it is more satisfying for me and I always hoop my partner fills the same way.

[BlueEyedBoy]

Sex is not over ratted. It is great when you are with the right partner. Sex and making love are to different animals. You can be having great sex and not be making love. I prefer to make love it is more satisfying for me and I always hoop my partner fills the same way.

[this-is-crazy]

I like this lady... you my friend have hit the nail on the head!
Passion makes a woman feel special, its an instinctive emotion, and above all its an important ingredient for a successful marriage. Isn't marriage USUALLY composed of two, consenting adults who share mutual feelings of love, trust and passion and isn't this special relationship built on foundations stemming from these reciprocal emotional bonds?

I think we need to figure out how to make this into a language that some of these men can understand! Hell, I think we need to figure out how to bottle passion so we can make 'em drunk with it! I feel like passion is more a thing to men than it is an emotion, which is probaby why we can't connect on that level. If I asked my husband to do something passionate, he would probably hold up a vibrator...or he would stare at me confused, like a deer stuck in the headlights. Poor thing. How can we break this down for the men who are claiming they are *simpletons* (not my word!)? My husband really is just a guy...nothing fancy, no frills, no romantic delusions, no special needs. All he wants is a cock pit.

[OICurready4me]

If sex is over rated, I'm Elmer Fudd!

[this-is-crazy]

I think what you just said is that passion is what you want to feel, but what is passion? I mean it sounds like he's a pretty passionate guy if all you have to do is touch him and he's "on". I know that wouldn't work for me, particularly now that I've gotten older. My pump needs more priming now than it did when I was in my 20s and 30s, so I enjoy foreplay much more now that I used to.

It sounds like you're not as interested in the "act" itself, as you are in the things that go on around it. From what I read, you'd probably consider your husband giving you a sensual bubble bath more passionate than him lapping at your kitty ... What we consider passionate really is personal preference, isn't it?

.

What is passion? Northernvam! :nu What have we been talking about here!! You need a spanking!

My husbands strong sex drive, which is what I would call it, isn't passionate. He's just a horn dog. This is a man who was masturbating when he turned four years old. I don't think he will ever lose his drive, and btw...he's only four years younger than you. My man's manhood would turn "on" if I was 135 or 235, if I was smelling like roses or hadn't showered in a week. It (his Johnson) really doesn't care. And I'm dead serious, so no, I can't call his hard on passionate. I do call that love though.

I think I'm jealous of him. I have a feeling I would love to be turned on if the wind blew. I would love to have a sex drive like that. I truly have to wonder what it's like to go around 24/7 ready to get laid.

And yes, I think passion is a personal preference. You either like it or you don't. :D

Actually, the bubble bath thing...don't know if that would do it for me. I'm not so champagne and roses. I probably look that type, but inside I just want to be abused. :sp:

Then again, I think it would be a real treat to be completely taken care of and pampered sometimes. I wouldn't mind the bubble bath if he was washing my hair, and bringing me glasses of champagne. Maybe not so much him being IN the bath with me.

This is so sad, but I think I might like being treated like a child! *LOL* I like the idea of having my hair washed, being dryed off, massaged, being tucked into bed, etc. Kinda like what I do for my girls! That is pathetic! *LOL* Don't you people ever tell anyone! :eek:

[tiger50]

What is passion? Northernvam! :nu What have we been talking about here!! You need a spanking!

My husbands strong sex drive, which is what I would call it, isn't passionate. He's just a horn dog. This is a man who was masturbating when he turned four years old. I don't think he will ever lose his drive, and btw...he's only four years younger than you. My man's manhood would turn "on" if I was 135 or 235, if I was smelling like roses or hadn't showered in a week. It (his Johnson) really doesn't care. And I'm dead serious, so no, I can't call his hard on passionate. I do call that love though.

I think I'm jealous of him. I have a feeling I would love to be turned on if the wind blew. I would love to have a sex drive like that. I truly have to wonder what it's like to go around 24/7 ready to get laid.

And yes, I think passion is a personal preference. You either like it or you don't. :D

Actually, the bubble bath thing...don't know if that would do it for me. I'm not so champagne and roses. I probably look that type, but inside I just want to be abused. ;)

Then again, I think it would be a real treat to be completely taken care of and pampered sometimes. I wouldn't mind the bubble bath if he was washing my hair, and bringing me glasses of champagne. Maybe not so much him being IN the bath with me.

This is so sad, but I think I might like being treated like a child! *LOL* I like the idea of having my hair washed, being dryed off, massaged, being tucked into bed, etc. Kinda like what I do for my girls! That is pathetic! *LOL* Don't you people ever tell anyone! ;-)

lol some blackmail material there.... :D

[this-is-crazy]

lol some blackmail material there.... :D

I think there's a psychiatric name for whatever I just described. Maybe a pill will cure it! :whee:

[digi38]

I think sex is definitely not overrated, but I think there is a HUGE gap between what men and women want from sex. Men, like my husband, can cum on demand. I use to get irritated, because I couldn't even receive a hug from the man without getting saluted from his pants. After reading a few posts on this site, I think I'm pretty lucky actually, because I'd be even more irritated if he didn't want me. Back to my point though... My husband is a mass of testosterone and if it doesn't get released on a daily basis, either by me or his hand, he gets very irritable. It's like a build up of toxins in his body. He truly NEEDS to have it released in order to feel better. He could happily live the rest of his life with 30 second sex. Every now and then he throws an I love you in there and he's done. That's romance to him. There's the passion. If I have an orgasm, he's done a good job in his mind. He's achieved that *connection* he was looking for and that's where it ends.

Orgasms are not my ultimate goal with sex. One night stand, some guy you just want to jump, yeah, maybe, but with my husband, no. I'm hoping for a greater connection. I desperately want PASSION. I want that hair pulling, clothes ripping, back getting slammed against a wall, wild wet sex that makes you salivate when you look back on it and makes you ready to do it all over again. However, that has never happened with us. Why? Because he has no idea how to SEDUCE a woman.

I am not going to enjoy myself if I have to lay down and spread 'em on command, am expected to have an orgasm then roll over and go to sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. My husband thinks I'm insane if I pass up the opportunity to have the big O. He does not understand that the orgasm is not what I'm having the sex for.

WHERE IS THE PASSION PEOPLE! Why can't you men, and the ones that do this are exempt from my rantings, but why can't you all understand that women want to be seduced! This might be an all day event! An all week event even! This is sweet notes left for your lover. Stolen kisses. Little massages. Cuddling...(yeah, I said it), teasing...touching...whatever. It's about the build up for most women, and without it, sex can just suck. I can get off by myself and have the same amount of closeness, thank you very much.

I think most men have mistakenly watched too much porn and thought that was great sex.

Think about it... Sex has to be about more than the orgasm. You can have an orgasm with a stranger, by yourself, whatever. A connection though...a deep connection, something you would hope you would have with your spouse, that should be something that can't be duplicated outside the marriage. Something special that only you and your partner can achieve together.

So yes, sex is overrated. The connection is underrated.

I'm going to start a new thread about seduction.
I've obviously got myself all pissed off now. :spbx:
I hate to do this but I'm going to have to agree with you:D . A few years ago it was an all day event. We would flirt all day, touching, teasing each other. The sex was great but what lead up to it made it more special.
Turns out your rants are much longer than mine.......

[Pebbles]

Hey! moonstone, where abouts in blighty are you from? :wa:

Maidstone

:wa: back.

Where abouts in UK you from?

[yaser]

What is passion? Northernvam! :nu What have we been talking about here!! You need a spanking!

My husbands strong sex drive, which is what I would call it, isn't passionate. He's just a horn dog. This is a man who was masturbating when he turned four years old. I don't think he will ever lose his drive, and btw...he's only four years younger than you. My man's manhood would turn "on" if I was 135 or 235, if I was smelling like roses or hadn't showered in a week. It (his Johnson) really doesn't care. And I'm dead serious, so no, I can't call his hard on passionate. I do call that love though.

I think I'm jealous of him. I have a feeling I would love to be turned on if the wind blew. I would love to have a sex drive like that. I truly have to wonder what it's like to go around 24/7 ready to get laid.

And yes, I think passion is a personal preference. You either like it or you don't. :D

Actually, the bubble bath thing...don't know if that would do it for me. I'm not so champagne and roses. I probably look that type, but inside I just want to be abused. :sp:

Then again, I think it would be a real treat to be completely taken care of and pampered sometimes. I wouldn't mind the bubble bath if he was washing my hair, and bringing me glasses of champagne. Maybe not so much him being IN the bath with me.

This is so sad, but I think I might like being treated like a child! *LOL* I like the idea of having my hair washed, being dryed off, massaged, being tucked into bed, etc. Kinda like what I do for my girls! That is pathetic! *LOL* Don't you people ever tell anyone! :eek:
I fully understand you ...love making must be an interactive act.. be satisfied mutualyy...not a self focused masturbation...

[Penny]

great thread :)

[this-is-crazy]

I hate to do this but I'm going to have to agree with you:D . A few years ago it was an all day event. We would flirt all day, touching, teasing each other. The sex was great but what lead up to it made it more special.
Turns out your rants are much longer than mine.......

I finally got you over to my side! :kk Don't worry, I'm sure I'll spew out a bunch more garbage on this site that you'll be able to battle me over.

And btw...my rants...well, dammit, I just talk a lot. You said the same thing I was saying in three lines. Oh well.

[tiger50]

, I'm sure I'll spew out a bunch more garbage on this site that you'll be able to battle me over.

, I just talk a lot. You said the same thing I was saying in three lines. Oh well.

awwww fark.... :sc

[Pebbles]

Would love to find out if sex is over rated! If my memory serves me correctly having sex relieves stress and helps with you staying younger looking!! :-)

[Cotties]

not in jail:sc Would love to find out if sex is over rated! If my memory serves me correctly having sex relieves stress and helps with you staying younger looking!! :-)

[Pebbles]

not in jail:sc

Not in jail yet...as a prisoner,but I do work as a officer in a mens prison. Does that count???

[Cotties]

count as what?:sc Not in jail yet...as a prisoner,but I do work as a officer in a mens prison. Does that count???

[digi38]

Not in jail yet...as a prisoner,but I do work as a officer in a mens prison. Does that count???
Do you realize your talking about working in a mens prison in a thread about sex being overrated.....I think this is a subject for a different web site...:D

[Pebbles]

Do you realize your talking about working in a mens prison in a thread about sex being overrated.....I think this is a subject for a different web site...:D

Probably is a subject for a different web site...but I am staying here. Like it.
I am only a escort officer in a prison. I work in a womens prison too!
To most of these men sex would be very under rated..as you can guess!:D :dl :dl

[pinstriper23]

I don't think that something that brings two people together in such an intimate way can be overrated. I mean, what isn't overrated if sex is? It's a connection on the most basic level that should, if you do it right, make you feel good from the top of your head, to the tips of your toes and in all those other more private places. Nothing else even comes close.

[dealz3]

No way sex is not overrated unless you talk to my wife.

[peaches]

That is a yes and no answer....Yes, because everyone bases life around it..and no, beacuse it is the bases of showing your love to someone special.

[SirFox]

That is a yes and no answer....Yes, because everyone bases life around it..and no, beacuse it is the bases of showing your love to someone special.

PEACHES: You have sex because you want to show your love? You really believe that do you? Pretty tame reason to have sex...it seems to me. :D How about a complete package of care, love and wonderful sex?

[Kristina28]

Sex never used to be overrated like 50 years ago people would never talk about sex to any one like family or friends it was hush hush because if you talked about you would be labled just for speaking your mined. In the 80's everything changed it was because of the Hollywood movies and the tv shows but now a days people talk about it more and that is good because sex is a great thing to have.

[SirFox]

Sex never used to be overrated like 50 years ago people would never talk about sex to any one like family or friends it was hush hush because if you talked about you would be labled just for speaking your mined. In the 80's everything changed it was because of the Hollywood movies and the tv shows but now a days people talk about it more and that is good because sex is a great thing to have.

I believe you are correct KRISTINA. If only the general population would realise that sex was therapeutic and would look towards improving their communication skills (I'm serious) in all respects.

[Kristina28]

OK your are right is therapeutic but it does not always work on any couples communicantion skills unless they welling to try but it does not work if only one is trying and the other one does not want to.

[oldtimer0229]

Sex can be over rated but I don't think it is. It is up to the two people involved to keep things hot and exciting. I do believe that complacency is the reason for affairs. Someone new is exciting because you can do all the things over again that you did before and it won't be like here we go again. I think men like a new person for a change and excitement....what do the women think makes the sex good with another man?

[Michael77]

depends on the mood really..

[Zpanther]

Sex is kinda like going to church.....puts the spring back into my step, the color in my cheeks, and makes me want to get out of bed the next day.

Interesting thought MC. I've certainly thought about sex a lot in church. Some of my best fantasies have been about those prim and proper ladies and imagining what they're like in the heat of passion ......what they might actually be fantasizing about during the sermon... etc. Met some very hot ladies in church, and it's a good place to find them too.....men usually substantially outnumbered there.

[Jy]

All excellent questions, Jen.
For starters, I want to say that yes, sex can improve your complexion! Mainly because it increases your heartrate, thus increasing circulation, especially to your face!
In my humble opinion, I think we set the bar too high, and when the sex we're getting as marrieds doesn't live up to our expectations, we get discouraged, disappointed, and can often wander farther afield to satisfy those expectations.
Why do we have such high standards? Take a look around! Look at movies, music videos, advertisements; everyone seems to be having mind-blowing sex but us!! Who's sex life can live up to these computer-enhanced, carefully staged scenarios we are bombarded with by the media?
Many long-term couples here have given us the key; all we need to do is act on it. Invest the time and energy on making your partner feel special, get creative, especially if things are stale, keep it fresh, surprise your lover in new ways. Sounds easy, doesn't it? No, it's not. But then again, the greatest achievements rarely are easy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PragmaticJen
...well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!

[oldandnaked]

Sex is like money or air, it becomes much more important when you're not getting any.

[P.R.]

No not really, I like it.

[P.R.]

You Know, I think you are right on the money.

[cherokeered]

Depends on who u are with...........:D

[Han Solo]

never felt it was overrated...definitely necessary to keep the relationship healthy I think.....just human nature

[OICurready4me]

not at all...unless you have no libido

[Sneaky]

Hm. Let me think?


Nope. Even at it's worst it's pretty awsome.

[Sabrina]

I agree with Sneaky!:)

[bryan3636]

The ones who think sex is overrated are probably the ones
who don't feel the need to satisfy their partners

[PunkyBob]

Hm. Let me think?


Nope. Even at it's worst it's pretty awsome.

Well, then maybe it was me, after all...I've had a few less-exciting-than-bowling episodes...

But on the whole...:sc...HELL NO!!!!

[TacoDyving]

For us guys, sex isn't overrated. It always ends in a bang, and almost always feels damn good.

For women (from a guys perspective) it could be overrated -- if their partner gets off before she does, and he doesn't finish the job.

This is assuming a normal sex drive from both people. For someone with a well-below-normal libido, I'd expect a response that it is in fact overrated

My vote is "Hell No! It's NOT overrated!!" :sex

[yaser]

I believe sex is overrated for marketing purposes..

[slick69]

...well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!
I truly beleive sex can be overrated if with the wrong person. If you and you significant other is close, I think thats the best sex ever because you have a bond, your compfortable, and relaxed. If you nail some stranger, it's stressful and non emotional. Why bother.?

[Sweetdreams069]

Don't think it's overrrated at all. I think it should be something that you and your partner should both consider to be one of the best things in life.

[mrdiscreet]

.
is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!

Swallowing is so much more attractive!

[mrdiscreet]

twoblues is that a contradiction in terms??
You see, from what I can conclude from this post and other posts, is that sex is perhaps overrated in 'marriage'... Do we bid farewell to the frenetic sexual activity we once enjoyed with new partners, even long term ones! when we settle down to marriage? Does the initial passion starts to dwindle? But lets ask ourselves, does that passion have to be constant any more than laughter in a relationship? I'd say both equally important! Does sex enrich our lives or are we increasingly obsessed with it, if thats the case perhaps it needs knocking off its pedestal?
Now even a bigger shock horror knee in the balls theory! what if, relationships don't split up through lack of sex, No, sex is just one of many ingredients required to maintain a healthy marriage! Do people embark on affairs because of a lack of sex at home. nooooooooo! complacency coupled with a lack of love, understanding, or recognition sends people hurtling down that path.... don't you think?

Or even a further knee in the balls theory: is passionate sex a necessary ingredient to a happy marriage? Things change, passions cool. And you can be very in synch in knowing each other well, long history of shared thoughts and dreams and accomplishments, and proud of childrfen raised to good paths in life ...

And can you want an affair, yet not want to destroy your marriage? Or is it a sign that ou are deluding yourself on the path you consider ...

These things weigh on me ...

[p.J]

Or even a further knee in the balls theory: is passionate sex a necessary ingredient to a happy marriage? Things change, passions cool. And you can be very in synch in knowing each other well, long history of shared thoughts and dreams and accomplishments, and proud of childrfen raised to good paths in life ...

And can you want an affair, yet not want to destroy your marriage? Or is it a sign that ou are deluding yourself on the path you consider ...

These things weigh on me ...

You have to ignite passion, and to do that it demands commitment! Too many of us will settle for less! Do I think passion is a necessary ingredient in a marriage? damn right I do, Yes there are many influences within a marriage that reduce our passion, however, the excuses we tell ourselves are better than excepting the fact that the passion has died! Passion doesn't burst forth and grab you by the bollocks! and it most certainly doesn't come because you want it. It's what happens when there is a genuine desire to give to one another is it not?

And that path that some of us consider? Well, its a path of our own making, perhaps on an unconscious level, but we are deluding ourselves if we believe we are powerless to avoid it!

[cherokeered]

Sex is not overrated....If both partners are fine without it, then no problem

The problem is when one loses desire for it...and the other partner still craves it
Neither is right or wrong...the unfortunate result is the relationship itself begins to show more and more cracks....other things usually begin to cause more trouble than before...

[Cotties]

Depends on your expectations

[mrdiscreet]

You have to ignite passion, and to do that it demands commitment! Too many of us will settle for less! Do I think passion is a necessary ingredient in a marriage? damn right I do, Yes there are many influences within a marriage that reduce our passion, however, the excuses we tell ourselves are better than excepting the fact that the passion has died! Passion doesn't burst forth and grab you by the bollocks! and it most certainly doesn't come because you want it. It's what happens when there is a genuine desire to give to one another is it not?

And that path that some of us consider? Well, its a path of our own making, perhaps on an unconscious level, but we are deluding ourselves if we believe we are powerless to avoid it!

A passionate response, much appreciated! Yes, this is all about exploring passion.

OK, assume a marriage (marriages?) where there is a very good level of communication and sharing generally, genuine fondness and sympathies with each other's quirks and weaknesses. Yet sexual desire has faded; you cannot will passion and, yes, maybe the physical passion has mostly died.

But "the path": yes, we can decide whether to take the path or not, but if taken does this path inevitably lead to ruining a marriage (or the lover's commitment to the marriage)? That's the question.

Maybe passion is easier when the burdens of daily life don't grind away at it; when two lovers can be their best selves and confidantes for each other, a sanctuary. Maybe that enriches the lives of each.

Put another way, can lovers complete each other, yet emerge with their marriages intact? Or, if the path is chosen, must it ultimately come to a vale of tears?

[noodlegurl]

I do not think sex is overated... I think if both people are on the same level then nothing in their life is overated at all....

[peaches]

I think at times it is, Oh don't get me wrong it is great and can be full of tenderness, passion and feeling...but at times just being together talking, holding hands or even holding each other is cool, too...depends on yo and your partner and the mood you both are in..
Sometimes the true feeling you share are no with physical sex but holding and sharing...

[surfdude]

jenny, jenny, the sex with you can't get rated high enough!

sex being both mental and physical, i'd say i would need some kind of brain injury to never want it again. to me, that means it can't possibly be overrated. it's as necessary as breathing.

[yaser]

Sometimes.

[p.J]

But "the path": yes, we can decide whether to take the path or not, but if taken does this path inevitably lead to ruining a marriage (or the lover's commitment to the marriage)? That's the question.

Put another way, can lovers complete each other, yet emerge with their marriages intact? Or, if the path is chosen, must it ultimately come to a vale of tears?



Quite simply yes to both question, an affair can become all too consuming, therefore, how can a man/women put all his/her energies into their marriages, unless of course they are made of stone. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they must be seriously deluded?

[OICurready4me]

don't think so....never in my book!

[mrdiscreet]

Quite simply yes to both question, an affair can become all too consuming, therefore, how can a man/women put all his/her energies into their marriages, unless of course they are made of stone. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they must be seriously deluded?

I'm not so sure about delusional. Yes it "can become all too consuming", but must it?

Why can't you share pieces of yourself that may be missing in your marriage, yet feel good about both.

Without naming names, I have felt attraction on this site, and don't feel any less committed to my marriage. I don't feel inherently guilty, and I have certainly, in the words of Jimmy Carter, committed adultery in my heart.

[toowildtotame]

Yes-- it is never as good as we imagine it will be with someone.

Best "LAID:<- no pun intended) wink!!_ plans by mice or men so to speak. I think we all enjoy the Game-- more--!!

[cherokeered]

Quite simply yes to both question, an affair can become all too consuming, therefore, how can a man/women put all his/her energies into their marriages, unless of course they are made of stone. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they must be seriously deluded?


Everything that affects you affects your marriage one way or another.....an affair can cause you to either be overly attentive to your spouse or it can cause you to act guiltily and defensive about any slight remark....
The fact of an affair means that the marriage is over....no one wanting to stay married or work on improving the marriage would have an affair....they would be putting all that energy into fixing the marriage...unless they are in denial....

[p.a]

Everything that affects you affects your marriage one way or another.....an affair can cause you to either be overly attentive to your spouse or it can cause you to act guiltily and defensive about any slight remark....
The fact of an affair means that the marriage is over....no one wanting to stay married or work on improving the marriage would have an affair....they would be putting all that energy into fixing the marriage...unless they are in denial....

I don't think it's that simple. People have affairs for many reasons, and not all affairs end up in divorce court. A bad marriage can be over long before anyone has an affair. It is possible to rediscover what has been lost.

[mrdiscreet]

Everything that affects you affects your marriage one way or another.....an affair can cause you to either be overly attentive to your spouse or it can cause you to act guiltily and defensive about any slight remark....
The fact of an affair means that the marriage is over....no one wanting to stay married or work on improving the marriage would have an affair....they would be putting all that energy into fixing the marriage...unless they are in denial....

Sobering. So I'm seeing most responses see it as all or nothing: having an affair signals the marriage has gone down the tubes, whether immediately realized on not. That "energy" can only flow to one recipient.

I expected to her much more of PAM's school: that there are many variations, and many do not end up in divorces.

Is it "abandon all Hope, Ye who enter here"? Women have close girlfrends that are confidantes, who know things husbands never know. Why can't I have the same?


(Stamping foot, getting red in the face):mad: :mad:

[PunkyBob]

Sex itself is not overrated; it is possibly the most enjoyable use of your body, a use that allows strong romantic emotions to power it. It fulfills your soul, cleanses your mind of worry, brings you back to the golden glow of joyousness in life, and provides the ultimate stimuli for an entire body craving physical pleasure.

Maybe the obsession is overrated. Maybe instead of the wholly natural desire (a desire that takes myriad forms, whether it be gender to gender, sexual style, favorite positions, volume, etc) being under the microscope, maybe we should instead ponder our particular fixation with it.


Mine is that I ain't gettin' none. I'm frickin' fit to bust.

[p.J]

The fact of an affair means that the marriage is over....no one wanting to stay married or work on improving the marriage would have an affair....

So are you are saying affairs are premeditated? You see I think these kinds of things just seem to happen, and not premeditated by either party. Indeed, many friendships that have grown into an affair is not based upon physical attraction.

[spare_change]

I wonder how many of those with such concrete views have actually been involved in affairs --

First, it is absolutely possible to segregate an affair from your marriage (at least, it is for me). Of course, it has to be a dysfunctional marriage .. but then, you wouldn't be having an affair if it wasn't. I may be strange -- but I felt, and feel, no remorse whatsoever. It is absolutely wrong that an affair means the marriage is over -- they are two separate and distinct things. Think of them as pieces of a jigsaw puzzle -- one fits next to the other, and between the two of them, they make a complete emotional picture. There are only two reasons that the two should overlap -- a need to inflict pain on your spouse by telling them (thus shifting some of the blame to them because it wasn't all your fault -- "well, she would only have sex once a month, so I had an affair", and a consuming guilt that makes you unburden yourself no matter what pain you inflict so that the two of you can suffer together. Both of them are very selfish ---

[OICurready4me]

The fact of an affair means that the marriage is over....no one wanting to stay married or work on improving the marriage would have an affair....

So are you are saying affairs are premeditated? You see I think these kinds of things just seem to happen, and not premeditated by either party. Indeed, many friendships that have grown into an affair is not based upon physical attraction.


I agree. A one night stand is probably based on physical attraction but an affair, IMO, is started when two people commiserate about their present lives, giving emotional support to the other, which is many times what is missing. The friendship builds and the rest is history

[mrdiscreet]

I wonder how many of those with such concrete views have actually been involved in affairs --

First, it is absolutely possible to segregate an affair from your marriage (at least, it is for me). Of course, it has to be a dysfunctional marriage .. but then, you wouldn't be having an affair if it wasn't. I may be strange -- but I felt, and feel, no remorse whatsoever. It is absolutely wrong that an affair means the marriage is over -- they are two separate and distinct things. Think of them as pieces of a jigsaw puzzle -- one fits next to the other, and between the two of them, they make a complete emotional picture. There are only two reasons that the two should overlap -- a need to inflict pain on your spouse by telling them (thus shifting some of the blame to them because it wasn't all your fault -- "well, she would only have sex once a month, so I had an affair", and a consuming guilt that makes you unburden yourself no matter what pain you inflict so that the two of you can suffer together. Both of them are very selfish ---

Spare, your thougths here are deeply appreciated. They match what I thought possible, but lack experience to be confident about.

Not that it is easy for anyone, but is it harder/impossible for women to compartmentalize? All the female commetns have come in with a more drastic view; I'd hate to feel responsible for someone else's marriage (recognizing the inherent risks of spouses finding out all all that misery).

And I agree with Jen as well; the desires have surprised me as I have become involvd in this site, but I suppose ther is a reason I came here in the first place ...

I've always been a flirt though!

[p.a]

Thomas Jefferson. 3rd President of the United states had an affair with a slave girl. Did not end his marriage.

Dwight D Eisenhower and Kay Summersby affair

Bill Clinton and Monika Lewinsky affair

John F Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe affair

Warren Harding and Carrie Phillips affair

Grover Cleveland and Maria Halpin affair

None of which ended there marriages..........

[paris]

I wonder how many of those with such concrete views have actually been involved in affairs --

First, it is absolutely possible to segregate an affair from your marriage (at least, it is for me). Of course, it has to be a dysfunctional marriage .. but then, you wouldn't be having an affair if it wasn't. I may be strange -- but I felt, and feel, no remorse whatsoever. It is absolutely wrong that an affair means the marriage is over -- they are two separate and distinct things. Think of them as pieces of a jigsaw puzzle -- one fits next to the other, and between the two of them, they make a complete emotional picture. There are only two reasons that the two should overlap -- a need to inflict pain on your spouse by telling them (thus shifting some of the blame to them because it wasn't all your fault -- "well, she would only have sex once a month, so I had an affair", and a consuming guilt that makes you unburden yourself no matter what pain you inflict so that the two of you can suffer together. Both of them are very selfish ---

I agree with you on this, Spare. It is a completely different relationship than in a marriage. For me, it was an escape and an added thrill to my life that I don't get in my marriage - that feeling of excitement and newness that you really only get from the start of a relationship. I don't feel guilt. It has not affected my marriage. Is my marriage disfunctional? Not really in my eyes. I think everyone has their own set of beliefs and rules.

[noodlegurl]

Hell No!!!!!

[irishjock]

maybe underrated!!!

[inmy4x]

I don’t see how sex could be considered overrated, Unless you are telling your teenager about it,,lol

[irishjock]

GOOD CALL
I don’t see how sex could be considered overrated, Unless you are telling your teenager about it,,lol

[peaches]

I don’t see how sex could be considered overrated, Unless you are telling your teenager about it,,lol
you wait:lmao :lmao ...you just wait....:lmao :lmao

[Domus]

No, sex isn't overrated... :) It's good exercise , keep you in good shape , exercise stomach , back and buttocks muscles... :)

[noodlegurl]

I don’t see how sex could be considered overrated, Unless you are telling your teenager about it,,lol

Yea tell me about it, I walked in on my teen daughter & boyfriend... Was not what I wanted to see....

[irishjock]

Yea tell me about it, I walked in on my teen daughter & boyfriend... Was not what I wanted to see....


i heard charles barkley say in an interview "boys have started sniffing around my daughter, i figure if i kill just one of them word will get out."

[duanehofner]

Monday on Oprah, her doctor on call had a man show. Revealed that a man will considerably reduce of a number of age related health problems with the increase of sexual activity (4 times a week).

[mrdiscreet]

Monday on Oprah, her doctor on call had a man show. Revealed that a man will considerably reduce of a number of age related health problems with the increase of sexual activity (4 times a week).

Does self-help count?

[Cotties]

Probably depends how long it takes and how many postitions you try.Does self-help count?

[mrdiscreet]

Probably depends how long it takes and how much postitions you try.

I love me longtime

[Cotties]

damn i think I've spent too much time is Asia when I see my speeling and choice of words....I love me longtime...you hansum han

[SirFox]

No, sex isn't overrated... :) It's good exercise , keep you in good shape , exercise stomach , back and buttocks muscles... :)

It's good for the brain as well.-

[redtruck98]

No way, its an every other day requirement!

[Postman]

Are you nuts? It's like breathing.........You have to do it.

[Domus]

It's good for the brain as well.-

Thank you, SirFox, for adding a missing part...:)
I like to read your posts...:)
a highly intelligent and interesting gentleman.

[mrclark76]

I guess the answer depends on where you are in your life. I think at certain stages of life it can be over-rated. Right now I seem to be craving it more than ever, so it's always on my mind and definitely not over-rated. My wife, on the other hand, is not craving sex much at all, so to her it is over-rated.

[AL(m)]

Is sex overrated??? Depends if you are fore or a-gin........it...... :lmao
Personally.. am fore.. as in foreplay.. and fore.....ehehehe well you can guess... :whee:

[SirFox]

Thank you, SirFox, for adding a missing part...:)
I like to read your posts...:)
a highly intelligent and interesting gentleman.

That is incredibly nice, Mr. House. Sometimes I really wonder if I will be able to change the world a little bit.

I love to provoke curioisity in everything. The idea that someone might change their ideas a little in favour of more positive interaction turns me on mentally...of course, :lmao

I am after to challenge idées recues (how do you say that in English, please)?

[Domus]

That is incredibly nice, Mr. House. Sometimes I really wonder if I will be able to change the world a little bit.

I love to provoke curioisity in everything. The idea that someone might change their ideas a little in favour of more positive interaction turns me on mentally...of course, :lmao

I am after to challenge idées recues (how do you say that in English, please)?

:lmao...I guess, an idea that is unexamined...:)
Explorer, good way to go...:lmao

[Zpanther]

Rated? I think it's rated as the #1 stress reducer...... and I'm not ready to argue about that.

[megan363]

Under, over... doesn't matter. Anyway, it's always about sex. What can we do, sex sells.

[seedster]

Sex, like other things, fires a massive amount of neurotransmitters into our pleasure centers of the brain. Thus making people who are more sexually active more hell bent on getting the duplicate response....however, when you try to get the same feeling, it never happens, and you are sent on a lifetime challenge to find then next end all orgasm. I think sex is not overrated, however, the use of sex can be.

[guy384]

I dont think sex is over rated at all. I think it's an important part of a relationship. Not saying that it's a must every hour or every day but it is important.

[fondew2004]

I don’t see how sex could be considered overrated, Unless you are telling your teenager about it,,lol
Vastly and completely overrated.

It is one of the foundation slabs of a successful relationship.

It is the "BIG EVIL" the born againers are thumping their bibles against

It is the single thing that Western Christianity rails against

It is what gets us "up" in the morning...keeps our minds active all day....and puts us to bed each nite.

Other than those few piddly little things....it sure is overrated!

[SirFox]

Vastly and completely overrated.

It is one of the foundation slabs of a successful relationship.

It is the "BIG EVIL" the born againers are thumping their bibles against

It is the single thing that Western Christianity rails against

It is what gets us "up" in the morning...keeps our minds active all day....and puts us to bed each nite.

Other than those few piddly little things....it sure is overrated!

Too bad that most religions make sex a sin of some sort or simply a way to have children and reproduce. Sex is necessary to have a good emotional and physical equilibrium.

[flash2130]

It could be...I guess it depends on who (or what) it's with. Sex with the right hand - vastly overrated. Sex w someone you love and who loves you - never.

[countrygent07]

Overrated? Hardly. Sex and physical intimacy are critical to a loving and lasting relationship. We all crave it; not just the 'getting off', but the intimate physical contact - kissing, caressing, falling asleep with your love's body pressed against yours. When one or both lose this desire for the other, when intimacy becomes infrequent or not at all, we seek it elsewhere. Sometimes with a love affair, sometimes through multiple casual encounters or one sight stands. Either way, the relationship rarely survives when sex and intimacy cease to be an important part. So I reiterate - sex in not overrated. In fact, too few recognize it's importance to a healthy and loving relationship.

[victor61]

Hmm..what to say? I heard you need 150 before you can view profiles or something...

[fondew2004]

Too bad that most religions make sex a sin of some sort or simply a way to have children and reproduce. Sex is necessary to have a good emotional and physical equilibrium.
Sir, could not agree with you more!!

[blu]

sex can be great(searching mamory banks here) but personally, i miss the long foreplay and the cuddling after far more

[Starwind]

...well is it? after all it can improve acne? Do you think unhappiness with married sex stems from comparisons with the thrilling days of singleton life when sex was available on every corner? and if you embark on an affair then your sex life improves by default, is that because you are devoting time to it? - a luxury many couples struggle for in increasingly pressured times...

So is sex overrated? are we attempting to satisfy a craving that can't possibly be squelched (um.. wrong adjective but can't think of an alternative :D ) are we searching for the best orgasm, the best blow-job, the best spine-tingling, movie-moment, toe-curling, fire-works-over-the-harbour sex? What?

is this thread has been done before I going to spit!!

Sex is not overrated but rather it is the rate in which we judge our relationhips. Think about it. Sex for the average single male or female is generally a hit or miss as to whteher or not they are going to get sum of that hot so and so over there. You get married because you finally found someone who gives you that elusive something extra, that gives you a place to belong instead of the random encounters that may leave you physically satisified ( if your lucky) but emotionally stagnant. Affairs are all about the person engaging in it and have nothing to do with their spouse. Its all about their desires and whether they are being met or have changed and what they go about doing to satisfy it. Im excusing of course those who may have violent or abusive partners. For the average married couple sex was awesome once.

My questions is why dont more married couples do what it takes to love their partners in the manner they need? What happened to the poster ripping , sheet tearing sex you used to have? lol okay, thats enough serious for one day.

[Danso]

Sex isn't overrated. It's a basic physical need, though you really do need to keep in practice. It's too easy to let life or stress get in the way of good sex. Done right, it is a considerable amount of work; I've always thought it's a good thing to enjoy one's work though.

[TBoyBob]

Sex is definitely not over-rated...I'd do it 24/7 if possible... :o) lol.

[glamourgirl]

yeah, its overrated.....if your not getting any!
(keep telling myself that)

or if your talking to your teenage daughters
JMO

[CJSinIL]

There is no way sex can be overrated. I'm going through withdrawals.

[Sinster]

I got to agree with most of the posters here, sex is only overrated if your not really into the person you are doing it with, when sex is new its mind blowing.

[SirFox]

I got to agree with most of the posters here, sex is only overrated if your not really into the person you are doing it with, when sex is new its mind blowing.

Unsure about that.
I have found that one can be hot about a chick...and ...when you finally get into her pants...you may find that sex is really not something advisable....

How many times have I taken her clothes off...and found... that I did not want to proceed, that I was sickened by her sight? A few times are too many times...too much...

[Sinster]

Unsure about that.
I have found that one can be hot about a chick...and ...when you finally get into her pants...you may find that sex is really not something advisable....

How many times have I taken her clothes off...and found... that I did not want to proceed, that I was sickened by her sight? A few times are too many times...too much...
Fox I wasn't referring to transvestites lol

[SirFox]

Fox I wasn't referring to transvestites lol

I was not referring to transvestites of any nature either. LOL I was referring to females who were attractive outside, well powdered, well manicured, full of bounce...yet when naked ...were well...not pleasant to touch.

[Sinster]

I was not referring to transvestites of any nature either. LOL I was referring to females who were attractive outside, well powdered, well manicured, full of bounce...yet when naked ...were well...not pleasant to touch.

Just add beer LOL

but your right, a well groomed woman goes a long way..

[Danso]

I was not referring to transvestites of any nature either. LOL I was referring to females who were attractive outside, well powdered, well manicured, full of bounce...yet when naked ...were well...not pleasant to touch.



Hmm, so what exactly is causing the issue?

[glamourgirl]

You guys are a mess!

ROFLMAO!

I know its not funny...and i spend alot of time in the locker room, and I do understand what your saying (i think)
I have been mocked and called high maintanence because if my looks so i thought it was just me that was obsessive and that once you guys got that far it didnt matter. so to see that conversation made me feel better!

and thanks for the grin! :crs

[bryan3636]

Is sex overrated? LOL, how would I know!

[redcat]

Between two consenting, caring adults...how can it be?

[Danso]

You guys are a mess!

ROFLMAO!

I know its not funny...and i spend alot of time in the locker room, and I do understand what your saying (i think)
I have been mocked and called high maintanence because if my looks so i thought it was just me that was obsessive and that once you guys got that far it didnt matter. so to see that conversation made me feel better!

and thanks for the grin! :crs

If it's the women doing the mocking they are likely jealous.

I'm still having a hard time figuring out what could drastically change when a woman disrobes. While I get that clothes can be used to cover some things (like how a guy wears his shirt can easily cover 20 pounds), she's the same person you have been enjoying so far, unless you were not paying proper attention, you should have a very good idea of what you are getting into. SirFox sounds like he took home a supermodel and, when she disrobes, she turns into a 90 year old shriveled hunchback. I don't get it.

[SirFox]

If it's the women doing the mocking they are likely jealous.

I'm still having a hard time figuring out what could drastically change when a woman disrobes. While I get that clothes can be used to cover some things (like how a guy wears his shirt can easily cover 20 pounds), she's the same person you have been enjoying so far, unless you were not paying proper attention, you should have a very good idea of what you are getting into. SirFox sounds like he took home a supermodel and, when she disrobes, she turns into a 90 year old shriveled hunchback. I don't get it.

I'd love to go into detail but would be afraid of offending the other gender..let us say that what you see is not always what you get.

[One Song Hero]

If sex is considered a need, then it is overrated because unlike oxygen and food, human life can be sustained without it. [Of course I mean any single life, not the circle of life, generations and the perpetuation of the species.]

If sex is considered a physical desire, it is neither overrated nor underrated. It just is what it is, in whatever form and degree it exists within any sexually interested party.

Sex, as viewed as a recommended component for optimum adult emotional health, can be overrated if a person falls out of emotional balance placing too high an importance on it. Thinking about it constantly or obsessively is not healthy. Not thinking about it at all, for a person in an otherwise normal state of hormonal balance, might be a symptom of an unresolved issue perhaps stemming from one or more traumas from their past, or it might simply be a mental, emotional, or spiritual decision in a highly disciplined individual to supress those desires to allow for more attention or growth in another arena or state of being (example: a devout nun).

Sex, as a function, an interaction or bond between two people in a (typically deep) relationship, can be overrated or underrated. Obviously, for the health of the couple it is best to be either one or the other for both participants (overrated to both, for instance). If there is a significant difference, it is wise for the lovers to work to either try to find some middle ground through discussion (and exploration, perhaps) or come to terms with it (to agree genuinely to disagree, and to work out a feasible compromise).

Do I think sex is overrated, overall? I think sex is personal. I think sex is great (I think sex with her is phenomenal!). I do have greater physical and emotional needs, however (food, water, etc; self esteem, a sense of security, love...).

In a relationship, I do believe the openness and the expression of intimacy, and the intense fun that can be shared, can definitely strengthen an already existing bond, although I feel it is highly unlikely to create a strong emotional connection in a relationship where there isn't or wasn't one already present outside of the bedroom.

Bottom line: sex itself should never be or become an obsession, although for most adults (at least while hormones are still flowing in reasonably good numbers and the parts are still functional) it is healthy for sex to be a mild to occasionally wild compulsion, one that broadens, intensifies, and enhances rather than controls (or heaven forbid, derails) our lives overall.

[joekrafty]

Never overated when with the right person