Why doesn't love follow me?

[ANNABELLE]

For a long time now I have thought of having an affair. Over the years I have gone thru a great deal with my husband. Finding out he had an affair with a woman/women over the years has really stung me in the worse way. The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me. I know non of us are perfect, but to destroy your marriage vows because our bank account isn't where it should be is a cop out.

I know in my heart that he did this because he wanted to. Just talking about it brings back soooo many memories. Bad memories that are 12.5 years long. Dealing with interferring inlaws and fighting him at the same time really did me in. Not only did I have to fight his mom and grandmother, I also had to fight him.

I ask myself why I stayed so long when I should have walked away. I get the same answer which is I love him. I do love him, but it's not the love I had in the beginning. Sometimes I don't know why I love him after all he did to me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm letting myself down in such a way that I might not find my way back. Hearing him make his little snide remarks about my weight gain use to hurt, but now it chips away at the feelings I have left for him.

So many things are going thru my mind right now. Sometimes I want to scream out what the hell is wrong with me. Why was it so hard for him to respect me as a wife and love me as wife is suppose to be loved. Then I think back to my childhood and how my grandmother treated me like shit for my other cousins. I was dogged by my grandmother as a child when she should have loved me like my mom love my son and daughter. My grandmother would make me get out of the bed to walk to mcdonalds for my cousin when her parents drove passed mcdonalds to visit my grandmother. My grandmother would make me clean her bathroom after my cousins took a bath as if I was a servent.
My grandmother would make desserts for my cousins, yet wouldn't make me a pie. This went on for years and years and years. She would talk bad about my parents infront of me because she didn't like my father who was nothing but nice to her. This is the same grandmother who me and my mom her daughter had to care for when she couldn't take care of herself. I could have said the hell with it and not lifted a finger because of her mistreatment towards me, but I didn't because I loved her. My mom and I took care of her until she passed. My mother's other siblings and cousins who my grandmother treated me like shit for -who she adored and thought the sun rose and shined on didn't lift a finger. I never understood why she treated me like that, but it seems that her treatment followed me in marriage.

I think after everything I went thru, I lost out on loving myself. I feel as if I let myself down and sometimes I don't know how to get back up. I'm so lost in my life right now it's really killing me on the inside.
I'm looking for a job so I can at least get some independence again. I know that will help alot, and although it seems to take forever, I'm not going to give up.

Deep down inside I know having an affair isn't the answer, and due to my relationship my My God, having an affair isn't in the picture, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about being with someone who loves me for me and who would treat me like I was his one and only.

Maybe I'm living in a fantasy land, but a girl can hope right:cry: :o

Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.

[nsamale]

Annabelle,

I feel something of the same way...my wife has never had an affair and neither have I...but I think about it alot...I even found a lady on the internet that wanted to meet with me...my wife got thrown in jail on saturday for abuse of a family member...I always talk to my mom and she has been telling me that I need to get out...this lady and i, shes in the same situation, decided that i would pick her up in slc and run to mexico...she never called back...maybe god was telling me this isnt the way...he does work in mysterious ways...I guess i am just looking for someone to give me what i dont have at home...so now not only does she have cancer, but now court dates and a mess on our hands...sometimes i just want out...:( ...Thanks for listening and by the way...welcome...lets chat sometime...:wa:

[ANNABELLE]

Annabelle,

I feel something of the same way...my wife has never had an affair and neither have I...but I think about it alot...I even found a lady on the internet that wanted to meet with me...my wife got thrown in jail on saturday for abuse of a family member...I always talk to my mom and she has been telling me that I need to get out...this lady and i, shes in the same situation, decided that i would pick her up in slc and run to mexico...she never called back...maybe god was telling me this isnt the way...he does work in mysterious ways...I guess i am just looking for someone to give me what i dont have at home...so now not only does she have cancer, but now court dates and a mess on our hands...sometimes i just want out...:( ...Thanks for listening and by the way...welcome...lets chat sometime...:wa:

nsamale, I would like that very much:wa:

Oh, I hope everything work out for you. You are right about God working in mysterious ways. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have God in my life. He keeps me sane even in times I feel like I want to split into. He keeps me still when I want to get in my vehicle and keep driving and not look back. He's my ROCK and because I love and fear him so much that having an affair doesn't enter into reality.

It's like forbidden fruit that you want to taste thinking it's better than what you have, but you know if you do the consequences are just as bad and just isn't worth the heartache.

[tiger50]

wellcome to the site gal, am sure you will find some comfort here, and some fun... :wa:

[ANNABELLE]

wellcome to the site gal, am sure you will find some comfort here, and some fun... :wa:

Thank you:wa:

[yaser]

For a long time now I have thought of having an affair. Over the years I have gone thru a great deal with my husband. Finding out he had an affair with a woman/women over the years has really stung me in the worse way. The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me. I know non of us are perfect, but to destroy your marriage vows because our bank account isn't where it should be is a cop out.

I know in my heart that he did this because he wanted to. Just talking about it brings back soooo many memories. Bad memories that are 12.5 years long. Dealing with interferring inlaws and fighting him at the same time really did me in. Not only did I have to fight his mom and grandmother, I also had to fight him.

I ask myself why I stayed so long when I should have walked away. I get the same answer which is I love him. I do love him, but it's not the love I had in the beginning. Sometimes I don't know why I love him after all he did to me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm letting myself down in such a way that I might not find my way back. Hearing him make his little snide remarks about my weight gain use to hurt, but now it chips away at the feelings I have left for him.

So many things are going thru my mind right now. Sometimes I want to scream out what the hell is wrong with me. Why was it so hard for him to respect me as a wife and love me as wife is suppose to be loved. Then I think back to my childhood and how my grandmother treated me like shit for my other cousins. I was dogged by my grandmother as a child when she should have loved me like my mom love my son and daughter. My grandmother would make me get out of the bed to walk to mcdonalds for my cousin when her parents drove passed mcdonalds to visit my grandmother. My grandmother would make me clean her bathroom after my cousins took a bath as if I was a servent.
My grandmother would make desserts for my cousins, yet wouldn't make me a pie. This went on for years and years and years. She would talk bad about my parents infront of me because she didn't like my father who was nothing but nice to her. This is the same grandmother who me and my mom her daughter had to care for when she couldn't take care of herself. I could have said the hell with it and not lifted a finger because of her mistreatment towards me, but I didn't because I loved her. My mom and I took care of her until she passed. My mother's other siblings and cousins who my grandmother treated me like shit for -who she adored and thought the sun rose and shined on didn't lift a finger. I never understood why she treated me like that, but it seems that her treatment followed me in marriage.

I think after everything I went thru, I lost out on loving myself. I feel as if I let myself down and sometimes I don't know how to get back up. I'm so lost in my life right now it's really killing me on the inside.
I'm looking for a job so I can at least get some independence again. I know that will help alot, and although it seems to take forever, I'm not going to give up.

Deep down inside I know having an affair isn't the answer, and due to my relationship my My God, having an affair isn't in the picture, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about being with someone who loves me for me and who would treat me like I was his one and only.

Maybe I'm living in a fantasy land, but a girl can hope right:cry: :o

Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.
Welcome here where you can feel better because you are not alone.But I wonder if your hubby is faulty alone? Not you also?

[ANNABELLE]

Welcome here where you can feel better because you are not alone.But I wonder if your hubby is faulty alone? Not you also?


Yaser the only mistake I made was not manageing money right which I did mention. Other than that I stood by him when he was at his lowest. I stood by him thru everything when alot of people would have ran another direction.

Thru all that I still got the short end of the stick.

[yaser]

Yaser the only mistake I made was not manageing money right which I did mention. Other than that I stood by him when he was at his lowest. I stood by him thru everything when alot of people would have ran another direction.

Thru all that I still got the short end of the stick.
Honey these are the good things but you do also bad things..Tell me if you have any?Obstinacy? overcontrol?Jealousy?Envy?Anger?Lack of confidence?Overcompetition?Self centerdness?Blaming him?
Can he be right?

[ANNABELLE]

Honey these are the good things but you do also bad things..Tell me if you have any?Obstinacy? overcontrol?Jealousy?Envy?Anger?Lack of confidence?Overcompetition?Self centerdness?Blaming him?
Can he be right?


Deep down I feel anger when I think about what I went thru.
Deep down I do blame him for standing against me for his mom and grandmother and standing beside me like I stood beside him when he was going thru his problem.

In the beginning I did everything I could to get along with his family. I thought they were so nice, but little did I know they hated me for whatever reason I don't know. Well no I think it had to do with me loving their son/grandson which is crazy. These people had a knife in my back and believe me I would have been non the wiser if a family member of his didn't let me know how they actually felt.

[yaser]

Deep down I feel anger when I think about what I went thru.
Deep down I do blame him for standing against me for his mom and grandmother and standing beside me like I stood beside him when he was going thru his problem.

In the beginning I did everything I could to get along with his family. I thought they were so nice, but little did I know they hated me for whatever reason I don't know. Well no I think it had to do with me loving their son/grandson which is crazy. These people had a knife in my back and believe me I would have been non the wiser if a family member of his didn't let me know how they actually felt.
Felt as a helpless victim?Felt hepless?

[tiger50]

Honey these are the good things but you do also bad things..Tell me if you have any?Obstinacy? overcontrol?Jealousy?Envy?Anger?Lack of confidence?Overcompetition?Self centerdness?Blaming him?
Can he be right?

hey yaser... this lady is new here, needs a few friends, not a grilling.. let her get to know us a bit... :sc

[yaser]

hey yaser... this lady is new here, needs a few friends, not a grilling.. let her get to know us a bit... :sc
Passport control..Granted.You can be friends with her now..Mate.

[spare_change]

hi Annabelle ---

Welcome aboard. Hope you enjoy the site, and find what you need here. People are friendly - some are crazy --- some are just downright nice.

Just relax - enjoy yourself -- get to know us.

[yaser]

hi Annabelle ---

Welcome aboard. Hope you enjoy the site, and find what you need here. People are friendly - some are crazy --- some are just downright nice.

Just relax - enjoy yourself -- get to know us.
Spare I m freindly you are crazzy..Ok But where is Tiger? and where can we put Cotties?

[spare_change]

Spare I m freindly you are crazzy..Ok But where is Tiger? and where can we put Cotties?



That's easy --- Tiger is preoccupied, and Cotties belongs in a box !

[yaser]

That's easy --- Tiger is preoccupied, and Cotties belongs in a box !
What a fucking box is it Spare?

[tiger50]

That's easy --- Tiger is preoccupied, and Cotties belongs in a box !

gday spare... damn, me an cotties just love ya....lust after ur ass... :lmao

[spare_change]

gday spare... damn, me an cotties just love ya....lust after ur ass... :lmao


How ya doing, my friend?? I heard you guys are trying to burn down the country --- they got that under control yet?

[tiger50]

How ya doing, my friend?? I heard you guys are trying to burn down the country --- they got that under control yet?

nah prob will burn for another 2 months yet...all they can do is try to protect private property and let the rest burn... :sc

[spare_change]

nah prob will burn for another 2 months yet...all they can do is try to protect private property and let the rest burn... :sc

Well, as ugly as it is, that's the natural order of things --- hard for people to accept that nature burns down forests for a reason -- and a renewal.

[aceofspades1114]

welcome to the site, stick around people are cool around here and have same problems like you do

[tiger50]

Well, as ugly as it is, that's the natural order of things --- hard for people to accept that nature burns down forests for a reason -- and a renewal.

exactly... its been happin for millennia, long before we had firefighters.... :55

[gussy422]

Honey these are the good things but you do also bad things..Tell me if you have any?Obstinacy? overcontrol?Jealousy?Envy?Anger?Lack of confidence?Overcompetition?Self centerdness?Blaming him?
Can he be right?
Leave her alone Yaser. She's looking for help, not a critic

[gussy422]

For a long time now I have thought of having an affair. Over the years I have gone thru a great deal with my husband. Finding out he had an affair with a woman/women over the years has really stung me in the worse way. The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me. I know non of us are perfect, but to destroy your marriage vows because our bank account isn't where it should be is a cop out.

I know in my heart that he did this because he wanted to. Just talking about it brings back soooo many memories. Bad memories that are 12.5 years long. Dealing with interferring inlaws and fighting him at the same time really did me in. Not only did I have to fight his mom and grandmother, I also had to fight him.

I ask myself why I stayed so long when I should have walked away. I get the same answer which is I love him. I do love him, but it's not the love I had in the beginning. Sometimes I don't know why I love him after all he did to me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm letting myself down in such a way that I might not find my way back. Hearing him make his little snide remarks about my weight gain use to hurt, but now it chips away at the feelings I have left for him.

So many things are going thru my mind right now. Sometimes I want to scream out what the hell is wrong with me. Why was it so hard for him to respect me as a wife and love me as wife is suppose to be loved. Then I think back to my childhood and how my grandmother treated me like shit for my other cousins. I was dogged by my grandmother as a child when she should have loved me like my mom love my son and daughter. My grandmother would make me get out of the bed to walk to mcdonalds for my cousin when her parents drove passed mcdonalds to visit my grandmother. My grandmother would make me clean her bathroom after my cousins took a bath as if I was a servent.
My grandmother would make desserts for my cousins, yet wouldn't make me a pie. This went on for years and years and years. She would talk bad about my parents infront of me because she didn't like my father who was nothing but nice to her. This is the same grandmother who me and my mom her daughter had to care for when she couldn't take care of herself. I could have said the hell with it and not lifted a finger because of her mistreatment towards me, but I didn't because I loved her. My mom and I took care of her until she passed. My mother's other siblings and cousins who my grandmother treated me like shit for -who she adored and thought the sun rose and shined on didn't lift a finger. I never understood why she treated me like that, but it seems that her treatment followed me in marriage.

I think after everything I went thru, I lost out on loving myself. I feel as if I let myself down and sometimes I don't know how to get back up. I'm so lost in my life right now it's really killing me on the inside.
I'm looking for a job so I can at least get some independence again. I know that will help alot, and although it seems to take forever, I'm not going to give up.

Deep down inside I know having an affair isn't the answer, and due to my relationship my My God, having an affair isn't in the picture, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about being with someone who loves me for me and who would treat me like I was his one and only.

Maybe I'm living in a fantasy land, but a girl can hope right:cry: :o

Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.
Annabelle, my heart goes out to you. A lot of abuse there. But, you came to the right place. You will find you're not alone and you'll make a lot of good friends who will talk and help you through it. At some point, you're goig to have to do what's best for you, not everyone else. You sound very sincere and God and your friends will help you see it through. let me know if I can help. Best of luck.
Gussy:wa:

[tiger50]

Leave her alone Yaser. She's looking for help, not a critic

:55

[gussy422]

:55
Thanks Tiger. Hope you are well.
Gussy

[longnhard32]

annabelle you sound like a wonderful lady don,t let anybody say other .

[Butterfly_13]

For a long time now I have thought of having an affair. ..
I ask myself why I stayed so long when I should have walked away. I get the same answer which is I love him. I do love him, but it's not the love I had in the beginning. ..
Maybe I'm living in a fantasy land, but a girl can hope right:cry: :o

Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.

Welcome, Anabelle! I think you will find that there are many good people on this Site who will sympathize with, console and support you. I, too, have had similar feelings as yours; I know some of your pain.
Just come on in and get to know some people and you'll find that you are not alone.

WELCOME and be good to yourself! :wa:

[nycblueyedman]

Welcome, Anabelle! I think you will find that there are many good people on this Site who will sympathize with, console and support you. I, too, have had similar feelings as yours; I know some of your pain.
Just come on in and get to know some people and you'll find that you are not alone.

WELCOME and be good to yourself! :wa:

your pain is shared..........now share the rest........lol:sex

[yaser]

Welcome, Anabelle! I think you will find that there are many good people on this Site who will sympathize with, console and support you. I, too, have had similar feelings as yours; I know some of your pain.
Just come on in and get to know some people and you'll find that you are not alone.

WELCOME and be good to yourself! :wa:
Nola are you better to yourself now?You love yourself more?

[ANNABELLE]

Annabelle, my heart goes out to you. A lot of abuse there. But, you came to the right place. You will find you're not alone and you'll make a lot of good friends who will talk and help you through it. At some point, you're goig to have to do what's best for you, not everyone else. You sound very sincere and God and your friends will help you see it through. let me know if I can help. Best of luck.
Gussy:wa:


Thanks Gussy:wa:


I feel alot better getting it off my chest last night.

[NYCMasterplumber]

"The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me." <<SNIP

I know a legal secy who with OT makes over $60,000 per year and they were constantly asking family members for a hand out.

Her dear hubby spent the money before she even brought home the pay check, he was chronically unemployed was terribly allergic to work .

When money is scarce or one partner spends faster then the wage earner can generate the income something has to give..

There had to be other under lining problems but the money issue just brought it to a head

Because of this lunatic husband spending and lack of work ethics and stealing from family members they lost their inherited home, have no friends and the wife who is in her 60s works 6 days a week 52 weeks a year and never goes on vacations.

I once offered him a job starting at $35,000 per year and he said he wont work for less then $65,000 IF I offered him $65,000 he would have said $80,000

I had an uncle tell me "whether your rich or poor it is nice to have money"

I know when living from pay check to pay check it did put a hell of a strain on a marriage

[steamy]

One thing I have learned is that the person you seek is out there! I don't believe God wants his children to suffer. And everyone makes mistakes. When you find true love (you will know it.......Listen to me.....YOU WILL KNOW IT!). I never believed in that "true love" statement until recently. Now I know the difference. The search is the effort! In my opinion, when you find that special someone, all the time and maybe years will feel so small compared to the gift laid before you. Keep the faith!!!!! I am routing for you:)

[ANNABELLE]

"The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me." <<SNIP

I know a legal secy who with OT makes over $60,000 per year and they were constantly asking family members for a hand out.

Her dear hubby spent the money before she even brought home the pay check, he was chronically unemployed was terribly allergic to work .

When money is scarce or one partner spends faster then the wage earner can generate the income something has to give..

There had to be other under lining problems but the money issue just brought it to a head

Because of this lunatic husband spending and lack of work ethics and stealing from family members they lost their inherited home, have no friends and the wife who is in her 60s works 6 days a week 52 weeks a year and never goes on vacations.

I once offered him a job starting at $35,000 per year and he said he wont work for less then $65,000 IF I offered him $65,000 he would have said $80,000

I had an uncle tell me "whether your rich or poor it is nice to have money"

I know when living from pay check to pay check it did put a hell of a strain on a marriage


That's not the case here. He makes well over 6 figures a year and we live comfortably. Maybe not where some live but we do well. Like I said, I believe he used the excuse as a cop out. I look at the cloth he's cut from..i.e a father who nearly dropped dead at one of my family reunion picnics when he realized that the woman he cheated on his wife my mil for years was a distant cousin's cousin of mine. I didn't know until afterwards and didn't really care, knowing how manipulative his mother and grandmother were towards him.

See here's the pattern

Husband's now deceased grandmother(his mother's mom) controlled everything in her daughters marriage which caused husband's father to stray outside the marriage. She wanted her daughter to spend time and travel with her instead of incouraging her daughter to be with her husband. You know in the Bible it says husband and wife are as 1 right, but grandmother wasn't having that. What kind of mil would stake out the neighborhood where her son inlaws mistress stays and then take the daughter over to the mistress house to catch her husband in the act?


My mil wanted to control my marriage and her daughter's marriage. Sis in law marriage broke down after soo much interference. My sisterinlaw was pregnant at the same time I was. She with her first, me with my second and last. Sis in law husband was a kind man who did his best but was never enough for princess. He bought baby furniture he could afford, set it up before mil and mil's mother went to visit for the first birth.

While brother in law's at work, mil is busy breaking down the baby furniture he bought- threw it out on the curb and went and bought new furniture. My sister in law was just as wrong for letting them do this, but they didn't give a damn. Brother in law came home and saw furniture outside. When he asked what was going on, he was treated poorly. Now you know alot of men would have snapped and kicked all their asses out of the house, but brother in law being the nice person he is let it go.

He got tired of letting everything go and left the marriage 2 years ago.

I could write a book!

[Jy]

Hi Annabelle, welcome to the site. Here you'll find a lot of open ears, shoulders to cry on, and some good advice. Hope to stick around and get some of each, sounds like you could use it.

[Cotties]

Annabelle losts of people may say I'm horrible ...many say I'm not...

but if your husband is anything like me he has a short attention span and thats alot to take in

[sweet]

Oh my...I'm speechless....When I was reading your post, it was almost as if I was the one who wrote it. Almost everything you've talked about is exactly what I am going through. I totally know how you feel. I don't know what advice to give you, but if you need someone to talk to about this. Please feel free to PM me. I mean this hun. Take care :kk For a long time now I have thought of having an affair. Over the years I have gone thru a great deal with my husband. Finding out he had an affair with a woman/women over the years has really stung me in the worse way. The reason he said he did it was because I screwed up when it came to money management which is bullshit to me. I know non of us are perfect, but to destroy your marriage vows because our bank account isn't where it should be is a cop out.

I know in my heart that he did this because he wanted to. Just talking about it brings back soooo many memories. Bad memories that are 12.5 years long. Dealing with interferring inlaws and fighting him at the same time really did me in. Not only did I have to fight his mom and grandmother, I also had to fight him.

I ask myself why I stayed so long when I should have walked away. I get the same answer which is I love him. I do love him, but it's not the love I had in the beginning. Sometimes I don't know why I love him after all he did to me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm letting myself down in such a way that I might not find my way back. Hearing him make his little snide remarks about my weight gain use to hurt, but now it chips away at the feelings I have left for him.

So many things are going thru my mind right now. Sometimes I want to scream out what the hell is wrong with me. Why was it so hard for him to respect me as a wife and love me as wife is suppose to be loved. Then I think back to my childhood and how my grandmother treated me like shit for my other cousins. I was dogged by my grandmother as a child when she should have loved me like my mom love my son and daughter. My grandmother would make me get out of the bed to walk to mcdonalds for my cousin when her parents drove passed mcdonalds to visit my grandmother. My grandmother would make me clean her bathroom after my cousins took a bath as if I was a servent.
My grandmother would make desserts for my cousins, yet wouldn't make me a pie. This went on for years and years and years. She would talk bad about my parents infront of me because she didn't like my father who was nothing but nice to her. This is the same grandmother who me and my mom her daughter had to care for when she couldn't take care of herself. I could have said the hell with it and not lifted a finger because of her mistreatment towards me, but I didn't because I loved her. My mom and I took care of her until she passed. My mother's other siblings and cousins who my grandmother treated me like shit for -who she adored and thought the sun rose and shined on didn't lift a finger. I never understood why she treated me like that, but it seems that her treatment followed me in marriage.

I think after everything I went thru, I lost out on loving myself. I feel as if I let myself down and sometimes I don't know how to get back up. I'm so lost in my life right now it's really killing me on the inside.
I'm looking for a job so I can at least get some independence again. I know that will help alot, and although it seems to take forever, I'm not going to give up.

Deep down inside I know having an affair isn't the answer, and due to my relationship my My God, having an affair isn't in the picture, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about being with someone who loves me for me and who would treat me like I was his one and only.

Maybe I'm living in a fantasy land, but a girl can hope right:cry: :o

Thanks for listening and God Bless all of you.

[spare_change]

Annabelle --- sounds like it's been a tough go. If I may, I want to look at this a little different.

As I read your post, I was struck by the anger you had. I certainly am not saying these things didn't happen just the way you said they did, but that you obviously still feel the pain. When somebody questioned you, you jumped to defend yourself.

You need to get past the anger -- what happened in the past happened, and like it or not, there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. What grandmother did or MIL did happened, but you can't change it. AND --- you can't let it affect your future.

If you need help putting it behind you, then get help. That's a lot of baggage you're carrying around --- and you open that baggage in every relationship in your life, particularly with your husband. If you can't afford, or it isn't feasible, to get professional help, go to your minister or priest.

Just a suggestion -

[nsamale]

I agree...my wife loves to bring up the past...i keep telling her that i can not change the past only the rest of today and tomorrow...as i say now...live for today but pan for tomorrow be all that u can be...:55



Annabelle --- sounds like it's been a tough go. If I may, I want to look at this a little different.

As I read your post, I was struck by the anger you had. I certainly am not saying these things didn't happen just the way you said they did, but that you obviously still feel the pain. When somebody questioned you, you jumped to defend yourself.

You need to get past the anger -- what happened in the past happened, and like it or not, there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. What grandmother did or MIL did happened, but you can't change it. AND --- you can't let it affect your future.

If you need help putting it behind you, then get help. That's a lot of baggage you're carrying around --- and you open that baggage in every relationship in your life, particularly with your husband. If you can't afford, or it isn't feasible, to get professional help, go to your minister or priest.

Just a suggestion -

[UltimateNaneki]

I agree...my wife loves to bring up the past...i keep telling her that i can not change the past only the rest of today and tomorrow...as i say now...live for today but pan for tomorrow be all that u can be...:55

nsamale, I can't change that I got married but I can become unmarried! It all depents on what we want!:)

[Butterfly_13]

your pain is shared..........now share the rest........lol:sex

Patience is a virtue...

[Butterfly_13]

Nola are you better to yourself now?You love yourself more?

I am getting there...more and more each day...stronger, happier, more alive each moment...it's a good feeling.

[Outta]

What's not to love? This girl's a winner.

[nycblueyedman]

Patience is a virtue...

Ok.....your right.........slow and steady wins the race.......:D

[ANNABELLE]

Annabelle --- sounds like it's been a tough go. If I may, I want to look at this a little different.

As I read your post, I was struck by the anger you had. I certainly am not saying these things didn't happen just the way you said they did, but that you obviously still feel the pain. When somebody questioned you, you jumped to defend yourself.

You need to get past the anger -- what happened in the past happened, and like it or not, there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. What grandmother did or MIL did happened, but you can't change it. AND --- you can't let it affect your future.

If you need help putting it behind you, then get help. That's a lot of baggage you're carrying around --- and you open that baggage in every relationship in your life, particularly with your husband. If you can't afford, or it isn't feasible, to get professional help, go to your minister or priest.

Just a suggestion -


First let me say that I hope I didn't offend anyone here defending myself. If I did I do apologize being that I really enjoy this site and have found you all to not only be nice and straightforward, but also helpful.

That said, Spare you hit the nail on the head! After I read your post I reread my post and saw the anger in my words. I didn't realize how much this was still affecting me until now. I thought I was somewhat over the drama that went on in my life, but as I see I'm playing a roll in keeping the wounds open. I believe my husband read what I wrote because ever since I posted he has been very attentive. He's more affectionate than he use to be and very apologetic about the past.

Whatever the case I know in order for me to get better, in order for me to stop having the pity party that I was wollowing in I have to let the past go. I know I'll never forget what happend, but I can forgive because God has forgiven me for all my sins and present ones.


With allll this said, I'm going to stick it out, work on myself and my marriage.

Thanks for being honest:kk

[tiger50]

First let me say that I hope I didn't offend anyone here defending myself. If I did I do apologize being that I really enjoy this site and have found you all to not only nice and straightforward, but also helpful.

That said, Spare you hit the nail on the head! After I read your post I reread my post and saw the anger in my words. I didn't realize how much this was still affecting me until now. I thought I was somewhat over the drama that went on in my life, but as I see I'm playing a roll in keeping the wounds open. I believe my husband read what I wrote because ever since I posted he has been very attentive. He's more affectionate than he use to be and very apologetic about the past.

Whatever the case I know in order for me to get better, in order for me to stop having the pity party that I was wollowing in I have to let the past go. I know I'll never forget what happend, but I can forgive because God has forgiven me for all my sins and present ones.


With allll this said, I'm going to stick it out, work on myself and my marriage.

Thanks for being honest:kk

hey thats good gal... as for offending anyone, i dont thinks so, and hey thats part of what this site is about... :wa:

[spare_change]

First let me say that I hope I didn't offend anyone here defending myself. If I did I do apologize being that I really enjoy this site and have found you all to not only be nice and straightforward, but also helpful.

That said, Spare you hit the nail on the head! After I read your post I reread my post and saw the anger in my words. I didn't realize how much this was still affecting me until now. I thought I was somewhat over the drama that went on in my life, but as I see I'm playing a roll in keeping the wounds open. I believe my husband read what I wrote because ever since I posted he has been very attentive. He's more affectionate than he use to be and very apologetic about the past.

Whatever the case I know in order for me to get better, in order for me to stop having the pity party that I was wollowing in I have to let the past go. I know I'll never forget what happend, but I can forgive because God has forgiven me for all my sins and present ones.


With allll this said, I'm going to stick it out, work on myself and my marriage.

Thanks for being honest:kk


No problem --- you'll get my bill shortly after the 15th. :lmao

[ANNABELLE]

No problem --- you'll get my bill shortly after the 15th. :lmao


:lmao

[skysthelimit]

Annabelle...... I totally empathize with you. I was the one that didn't manage the $$$ all that well, but it was also for some very good reasons. I can relate to what you're feeling. Its easy for one's heart to grow hard. Drop me a line if you feel like talking about it, if you want this guy's perspective anyway. Take care.

[Bear]

Hang in there Annabelle