teenage Kids

[nsamale]

Hi all, I have a teenager, that is a real Biotch, as they say it now. she is flunking in school, and will probably have to repeat junior year. she is with her boyfriend all the time and has a car that doesnt run, but keeps spending money on frivelious things. she has a cell phone that she literally sleeps with and now wants me to pay to get her car fixed. she has gotten fired from 4 jobs in the past 6 months, one was even from mikky D's. I have been told that i am no longer able to parent her, but her mom lets her get away with murder...

So do I jsut sit there and let it happen? Or should I step in and tell wify that she is not doing her job and I am taking over? Should i leave the house and go on my 2 month sabbatical without them? or just leave altoether? what would u do in the same situation?

[Annie]

Hi all, I have a teenager, that is a real Biotch, as they say it now. she is flunking in school, and will probably have to repeat junior year. she is with her boyfriend all the time and has a car that doesnt run, but keeps spending money on frivelious things. she has a cell phone that she literally sleeps with and now wants me to pay to get her car fixed. she has gotten fired from 4 jobs in the past 6 months, one was even from mikky D's. I have been told that i am no longer able to parent her, but her mom lets her get away with murder...

So do I jsut sit there and let it happen? Or should I step in and tell wify that she is not doing her job and I am taking over? Should i leave the house and go on my 2 month sabbatical without them? or just leave altoether? what would u do in the same situation?Sorry, but I have to be on the side of your daughter! No one, and I do mean no one should ever be allowed get in the way of your DUTY to parent your child even if it is the mother! When you see her "getting away with murder" it is YOUR DUTY to parent her!

It takes at least one very involved parent to raise any child, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you!

[spare_change]

Sorry, but I have to be on the side of your daughter! No one, and I do mean no one should ever be allowed get in the way of your DUTY to parent your child even if it is the mother! When you see her "getting away with murder" it is YOUR DUTY to parent her!

It takes at least one very involved parent to raise any child, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you!


What she said !!

[upstr84u]

been the go to guy on this one before
so dont' DONT give in set the rules and follow threw
wife knows it is the right thing to do
step up and law down the law!

[BlueEyedBoy]

I also agree with Annie it is the duty as parent to set the boundaries. Take the call phone away and send the boyfriend home. If she is flunking in school she dos not need a car, a job or a phone. These are all privileges not a right and you need to be the parent and take tem away. Whit that said it is not easy to not give a child what they want because we love are children we need to suck it up and not give them every thing they want. They should earn the right to have the things they want. Life is about chooses and if children do not want to make the right chooses we sum times have to make them.

[spare_change]

What they all said ---- and if the wife starts bitching, tell her to sit down, shut up, and color quietly, too. Who knows? Maybe being a man who takes charge, and takes no BS, might be what she is looking for. But, if it isn't -- that's her problem. You have a life to save --- your daughter's.

[SirFox]

Hi all, I have a teenager, that is a real Biotch, as they say it now. she is flunking in school, and will probably have to repeat junior year. she is with her boyfriend all the time and has a car that doesnt run, but keeps spending money on frivelious things. she has a cell phone that she literally sleeps with and now wants me to pay to get her car fixed. she has gotten fired from 4 jobs in the past 6 months, one was even from mikky D's. I have been told that i am no longer able to parent her, but her mom lets her get away with murder...

So do I jsut sit there and let it happen? Or should I step in and tell wify that she is not doing her job and I am taking over? Should i leave the house and go on my 2 month sabbatical without them? or just leave altoether? what would u do in the same situation?

Glad you started this thread NSA
I have two children from my first marriage, a daughter who is now past her majority, and my son who will be 17 this month. My children's mother is a child herself.

We have been fighting since the divorce how to handle things. I think I tried everything including the use of signing various contracts about decisions concerning wmy children's educations with the mother. Everytime after our agreements, there was a reason to do something completely different than what had been decided.

I moved away. This helped me see that my former wife had no courage: she would be swayed by other people: her colleagues at school, parents, friends. One day I received a wake up call from my daughter's guidance counselor: she said that my daughter needed to see a shrink.

It made me think that I would need to take control of a very bad deteriorated situation. It has taken me years to get my children educated in the way I want. They have also grown up and matured. My son is on his way to becoming a young man. My daughter has not spoken to me for two years: I do not know why exactly. I do know that her mother knew how to get me by the balls. And emotionally, that mother has me there.

I realised too late that my responsability had been eaten up by years of neglect.

I once read that women exist to bring life into this World, bring maternal warmth to our children. In that same paragraph, I also read that men's role in educating their own children are in socializing them, providing opportunities for their livelihood.

My advice is to get a handle on your daughter. Go with your daughter on that sabbatical of two months...get her out of the rut.. The mobile phone, the computer, the friends who are just worms around her is what she is used to.
Get her out of her comfort zone in order for her to see a little more of life, and appreciate her father.

[peaches]

Teenage kids can be a hand full, I have 2 and 2 older ones. In this day and age to many pressures and things to get into. I know I wouldn't want to be a teenager in these times......

[nsamale]

Sorry, but I have to be on the side of your daughter! No one, and I do mean no one should ever be allowed get in the way of your DUTY to parent your child even if it is the mother! When you see her "getting away with murder" it is YOUR DUTY to parent her!

It takes at least one very involved parent to raise any child, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you!

U would be on the side of my daughter, being a bit** to me and everyone else. wow maybe i should just leave, let her become a looser and then she will say again to me...you were right dad...

[nsamale]

My advice is to get a handle on your daughter. Go with your daughter on that sabbatical of two months...get her out of the rut.. The mobile phone, the computer, the friends who are just worms around her is what she is used to.
Get her out of her comfort zone in order for her to see a little more of life, and appreciate her father.

My wife will not let me be alone with our daughter. She was going to have some more cancer therapy in AZ and was going to put up our daughter in a apt. i hear a little voice telling me...mexico, mexico, mexico...

[spare_change]

My wife will not let me be alone with our daughter. She was going to have some more cancer therapy in AZ and was going to put up our daughter in a apt. i hear a little voice telling me...mexico, mexico, mexico...


Sorry, pal -- that's an excuse, not a reason. Tell your wife to shut up and sit down. Your daughter needs you, and you have a responsibility. There are a million reasons for you to wimp out -- and there's only one reason to do it. Because she is your daughter. She needs you.

[Annie]

U would be on the side of my daughter, being a bit** to me and everyone else. wow maybe i should just leave, let her become a looser and then she will say again to me...you were right dad...If your daughter is being a bitch to you, it's because you have allowed it. We teach others how to treat us. It's just that simple.

[spare_change]

U would be on the side of my daughter, being a bit** to me and everyone else. wow maybe i should just leave, let her become a looser and then she will say again to me...you were right dad...


Yep -- you could do that --- course, instead of her saying that, you could end up visiting the morgue to identify her body.

[SirFox]

My wife will not let me be alone with our daughter. She was going to have some more cancer therapy in AZ and was going to put up our daughter in a apt. i hear a little voice telling me...mexico, mexico, mexico...

NSA Just a by question. Does your wife resent you, or the married situation or even your daughter?

You have to stick up for your daughter and you. You have to be able to look in the mirror and even when your wife and your daughter have been nasty, say..I believe I did the right thing. You have to give it your 100%, and not stop half way.
You do not want to look in the mirror and have to admit that you got had. The worse thing there is to lie to yourself in that mirror.


I feel that you do not know in what direction you should be going. Are you afraid? I bet you are. You have a right to be. When you have done what YOU feel is CORRECT, man that feeling of satisfaction is there inside you of course.
Do it for your daughter and yourself..you'll be glad that you did it

Please do not use half way measures..your daughter's life is in your hands!

[Big O]

Dr Phil is all about out of control teenage girls. How ironic.......

[spare_change]

Dr Phil is all about out of control teenage girls. How ironic.......


PLEASE tell me it ain't true ----------

[Kissie]

PLEASE tell me it ain't true ----------



It is true!!!!

[Big O]

PLEASE tell me it ain't true ----------

What Spare? The content of the show or the fact that I'm watching Dr Phil?? lol

[spare_change]

What Spare? The content of the show or the fact that I'm watching Dr Phil?? lol


Yes

[nsamale]

NSA Just a by question. Does your wife resent you, or the married situation or even your daughter?

You have to stick up for your daughter and you. You have to be able to look in the mirror and even when your wife and your daughter have been nasty, say..I believe I did the right thing. You have to give it your 100%, and not stop half way.
You do not want to look in the mirror and have to admit that you got had. The worse thing there is to lie to yourself in that mirror.


I feel that you do not know in what direction you should be going. Are you afraid? I bet you are. You have a right to be. When you have done what YOU feel is CORRECT, man that feeling of satisfaction is there inside you of course.
Do it for your daughter and yourself..you'll be glad that you did it

Please do not use half way measures..your daughter's life is in your hands!
I dont think any of u really get it. If i try and disipline our daughter my wife will leave with her. Ao really whos llife am i protecting. I think my own. It all started when our daughter called me an ass. I slapped her. mom came out and told me to leave and never again will u disipline our daughter. since then our daughter will not listen to whatever i say. what should i do beat her into submission? no that does not work either. so a ask again. what do i do? my daughter may need me but she does not want to have anything to do with me. if i try to "flex my mussel" she runs to mom and then mom tells me to leave our daughter alone and that she will take care of it. and then never really does. so do i get into again and tell my wife sit down and shut up? then i find my self alone, because wife and child leave and never come back...i am not trying to look for ways out i am looking for ways to cope till our daughter moves out. if she wants to be a looser, so be it. i cant say i didnt try. i tried and they took up arms against me. i may win a battle or 2 but i lose the war. so what do i do?

[spare_change]

I dont think any of u really get it. If i try and disipline our daughter my wife will leave with her. Ao really whos llife am i protecting. I think my own. It all started when our daughter called me an ass. I slapped her. mom came out and told me to leave and never again will u disipline our daughter. since then our daughter will not listen to whatever i say. what should i do beat her into submission? no that does not work either. so a ask again. what do i do? my daughter may need me but she does not want to have anything to do with me. if i try to "flex my mussel" she runs to mom and then mom tells me to leave our daughter alone and that she will take care of it. and then never really does. so do i get into again and tell my wife sit down and shut up? then i find my self alone, because wife and child leave and never come back...i am not trying to look for ways out i am looking for ways to cope till our daughter moves out. if she wants to be a looser, so be it. i cant say i didnt try. i tried and they took up arms against me. i may win a battle or 2 but i lose the war. so what do i do?


We have all told you what we think -- whatever you do, that's up to you. But, don't look for affirmation --- your daughter is too important for me to buy the excuse that your wife won't let you.

[DukesLady66]

I have a 16 yr old daughter and almost 15 yr old son...who thinks he's bigger and badder than me due to I am only 5 ft and he's way taller. He gets a mouth on him etc..finally cornered him with a police officer and asked the police officer to have a talk with him. He gave my son the "right" act and my son listened. I told the officer that sometimes when his mouth gets out of control I want to smack the sh*t out of him. The officer said" then do it..it's called parental discipline and we'll back you up" He said they let kids have a heyday with the abuse bit and now the laws are starting to back the parents up. My son then gave me some major mouth etc and kept rolling his eyes. Shocked the heck out of him when I smacked him so hard my daughter heard it upstairs while in the shower. My son looked pissed but tell ya the truth, his attitude has been changing. Told him I brought him in this world and no matter how tall he gets he will find himself knocked on his ass on the floor if the mouth keeps going.

Now my 16 yr old...her b/f was trying to be a smart ass to my husband which is my daughter's step dad. My husband grabbed him by the throat and read him the right act saying in our house and our daughter it goes by his rules. Well a yr and 1/2 later my daughter's b/f still shows respect to this day and worked his way into our family.
Now I'll be the first to admit that yes when my husband tries to discipline my kids I will jump in and be a bitch..depends on the issue. My kids realize having a cell is a priviledge and they have to work at home or at a job which is my daughters position to pay for their own phones under my plan or else no cell. My kids know I was raised priviledged and yes their raised poorer than how I grew up..but their friends even say hey you don't realize what you have here. I don't want my kids to feel that they don't have to work for what they want..they have to earn it. Yes I can be tough but they've never been without me and know I love them. I have good kids. So sometimes you have to tell the other parent "listen I helped bring this child into the world and I am also responsible on how they turn out as a adult, if you don't set them straight now they'll always want to depend on you and one thing you don't want" Kids after they grow up are to be enjoyed..not babied the rest of the lives.

[cherokeered]

Ok...I don't have kids....but I do have opinions...have been one...and have been around them.....


First off....your wife has basically castrated you....your wife is going through a lot of emotional shit with her various cancer episodes and treatments....your daughter is a snotty, spoiled little bitch who probably could use a good swift kick in the ass....

If you know things won't change then go...your daughter is responsible for her own actions...now before anyone says she's just a child...she hasn't been one since she got tits....and I'm sorry but kids nowadays are not children or kids for very long....and they know how to manipulate and act in order to get what they want...sorry if this upsets the parents here but not all kids are innocent and perfect or gullible....
As for what you should do....well you already know what you want to do...you're just waiting for someone to give you the okay...well it's up to you hun...nothing I say or anyone else says really matters...it just depends on what you really want.........

[nsamale]

well i tried doing what u all said...and guess what. nobody listened to me. wifer started screeming, daughter just sat there. listen to mom and did what wife told her to do. I asked them y doesnt anybody listen to me in this house and they told me because i am an ass...well i talked to our daughter when she got into her room and asked her the same question. she said i do listen to u dad i just dont do any thing u tell me to do. I told my wife and daughter that i was going to start disilining our daughter and wife told me to leave her alone. I told them that im not going to touch her but i will be giving her the disipline. well the wife and daughter are leaving tomorrow. so what did i do...oh well life goes on. thanks for all ur insight.

[cherokeered]

Hun..here's a news flash....no one listened before...they won't listen now....can I tell you something...maybe you are trying to hard to get them to listen to you...and you aren't hearing them....

I know it takes two to make a marriage work and two to end one...no one is ever blameless...

[MCat]

We can't solve your problem here in cyberspace....if you really want to get help you should get it from professionals face to face. Everyone has situations with their kids...I personally would go to my pastor first if I needed serious help with my children that my husband or I couldn't manage on our own.

Good Luck.....

P.S. To me it sounds like you are just looking for someone to tell you its ok to give up on your daughter and wife so you can run away to Mexico. Running away wouldn't be an answer for me, but it may work for you.....Go :wa:

[SirFox]

I dont think any of u really get it. If i try and disipline our daughter my wife will leave with her. Ao really whos llife am i protecting. I think my own. It all started when our daughter called me an ass. I slapped her. mom came out and told me to leave and never again will u disipline our daughter. since then our daughter will not listen to whatever i say. what should i do beat her into submission? no that does not work either. so a ask again. what do i do? my daughter may need me but she does not want to have anything to do with me. if i try to "flex my mussel" she runs to mom and then mom tells me to leave our daughter alone and that she will take care of it. and then never really does. so do i get into again and tell my wife sit down and shut up? then i find my self alone, because wife and child leave and never come back...i am not trying to look for ways out i am looking for ways to cope till our daughter moves out. if she wants to be a looser, so be it. i cant say i didnt try. i tried and they took up arms against me. i may win a battle or 2 but i lose the war. so what do i do?

It seems to me that you are copping out. It is up to your life, you yourself and your daughter.

[Michael77]

Hi all, I have a teenager, that is a real Biotch, as they say it now. she is flunking in school, and will probably have to repeat junior year. she is with her boyfriend all the time and has a car that doesnt run, but keeps spending money on frivelious things. she has a cell phone that she literally sleeps with and now wants me to pay to get her car fixed. she has gotten fired from 4 jobs in the past 6 months, one was even from mikky D's. I have been told that i am no longer able to parent her, but her mom lets her get away with murder...

So do I jsut sit there and let it happen? Or should I step in and tell wify that she is not doing her job and I am taking over? Should i leave the house and go on my 2 month sabbatical without them? or just leave altoether? what would u do in the same situation?

dont give in!!..I have 2 sons and a daughter...the boys are 16 and 12..my girl is 10...sometimes they like to see how far they can push to watch you snap...just push right back..they will respect you for it later..

[Rmb]

I think everyone should have teenage kids...why should we be the only ones to suffer? :)
Funny tho.....most kids eventually come around if there was good firm parenting...
In looking back, I think most of the probs I saw in teens ( other teens of course!! lol ) were weak parents who gave in to every whim of their kids...you know....sports cars for them at 16 years of age, most of which soon were wrecked...all the fancy clothes they wanted....late hours.. spoiled brats who never knew what it was like to work for anything....etc I also think it is interesting how, in school, they were taught everything about freedom.... and nothing about responsibility. A lot of these kids, from my observation anyway, became parasitic until their late 20s. The responsible ones, with the clear boundaries set by parents, seemed to stand on their own two feet a lot earlier.

[Crawfish]

Sorry, but I have to be on the side of your daughter! No one, and I do mean no one should ever be allowed get in the way of your DUTY to parent your child even if it is the mother! When you see her "getting away with murder" it is YOUR DUTY to parent her!

It takes at least one very involved parent to raise any child, you have a whole lot of work ahead of you!

I agree. This behavior doesn't just happen. It develops slowly and when she is allowed to get away with more and more it ends up like this. It didn't happen right away so it can't be fixed right away. Of course this is just my opinion. I don't have teens yet so I really don't have any experience.

[SexyCowgirl]

Look, I read this, and it sounds to me that you and your wife are both checked out of your daughters life. And your daughter is pushing, not to just be bad, but to find her boundry. Teens aren't stupid, and they know that if you are not setting limits, you aren't caring. At some point, if it hasn't already, your daughter will check out same as you and your wife. She will start saying to herself, "no one cares what I do, and no one loves me, and no ones loves me enough to stop me" This will leave her with a void in herself she will try to fill with men, sex or other temprarily pleasing activitys. And not the good kind.

Your daughter will be mad if you step in and be proactive. She will be bitchy, and she will slam doors. She will scream I hate you at the top of her lungs, and swear she will never speak to you again. She will tell you she loves her mother, because she lets her do anything she wants.

Your an adult! Do the right thing, remove her priviledges as you see fit. If she throw a hissy fit, even a teen sized one, tell her that you understand why she is mad, and that you appreciate what this is doing to her, and her social life. But that to be allowed the priviledges of an adult, she needs to live up to tthe responsibilitys. Be firm, and do not step back once you have laid the law down. And reward her if you see good behavior. If she works her darndest, but can only pull her grades up to a c, reward her fr doing her best, and promise a greater reward if she doesn't let them fall that far in the future.

I swear, as a teen of passive parents, you or someone in her life needs to do this. If you don't, the consequences for her will extend much further then the bitchy behavior of today. Teens do not see what they do as having an effect on the future manytimes, and she may not at this point realize that she is ruining her work ethic, and her chances of going to college. And when she does, she will have to work really hard to regain lost ground, and she may or may not be able to.
Step in, no matter what your wife says. Save this situation!