Why be married???

[DukesLady66]

Sorry sounding off and need someone to listen. So don't have to reply but am frustrated and pissed off beyond belief!
We have rented this house for 7 yrs..then decided to buy it. Well before we bought it the city inspector came in and tagged my house. Now tomorrow at 3:15pm is the final inspection to see if my house passes. I have spent over $2000 dollars on this house to try and save it. New paint,new carpet, new furniture etc....husband says I haven't done shit.(pardon the francais) The jerk goes in the basement and destroys it because he can't find his drill bits and can't wait til I get home to help look. Well tonight went to clean up the mess he made. I discovered he destroyed like 10 items of mine. I collect frogs and had a pewter frog that hung that said welcome. Had finally gotten a sewing machine I always wanted. He even broke my coffee maker,vases, new fan, 50 lbs of kitty litter I had bought and cat food etc. I am beyond po'd right now. Honestly went to the bedroom and got my pillows for the couch, even my friends are worried I'll hurt the jerk. Ya know I am one of those women who love to take care of my family and my man. But this is the final straw! Why should I have to put up with having my stuff destroyed?? Before that it was him tearing up our closet and throwing everything. I just can't do this anymore. Guess I am done with relationships..seems I am nice and get screwed over. Just don't know anymore what to do...oh trust me I do know to get rid of the prick..just how to afford my home if I do. My friends here know I have medical probs and mainly why I keep the jerk around. Damed if I do...and damned if I don't.:spbx: :nu

[sweet]

I feel ya hun. There's no reason why you should have to put up with that. I hope somehow you can figure out how to make things work so that you'll be happy. Hang in there hun :kk Sorry sounding off and need someone to listen. So don't have to reply but am frustrated and pissed off beyond belief!
We have rented this house for 7 yrs..then decided to buy it. Well before we bought it the city inspector came in and tagged my house. Now tomorrow at 3:15pm is the final inspection to see if my house passes. I have spent over $2000 dollars on this house to try and save it. New paint,new carpet, new furniture etc....husband says I haven't done shit.(pardon the francais) The jerk goes in the basement and destroys it because he can't find his drill bits and can't wait til I get home to help look. Well tonight went to clean up the mess he made. I discovered he destroyed like 10 items of mine. I collect frogs and had a pewter frog that hung that said welcome. Had finally gotten a sewing machine I always wanted. He even broke my coffee maker,vases, new fan, 50 lbs of kitty litter I had bought and cat food etc. I am beyond po'd right now. Honestly went to the bedroom and got my pillows for the couch, even my friends are worried I'll hurt the jerk. Ya know I am one of those women who love to take care of my family and my man. But this is the final straw! Why should I have to put up with having my stuff destroyed?? Before that it was him tearing up our closet and throwing everything. I just can't do this anymore. Guess I am done with relationships..seems I am nice and get screwed over. Just don't know anymore what to do...oh trust me I do know to get rid of the prick..just how to afford my home if I do. My friends here know I have medical probs and mainly why I keep the jerk around. Damed if I do...and damned if I don't.:spbx: :nu

[aceofspades1114]

Ah I see Duke

Well reason why people get married is because they fall in love, and they want to be together(all the mushy Hollywood stuff). In reality marriage to people is stabillity and having somebody to be with.

Myself have question why does love need to be proved of getting married?, what are the flipsides of it other than joint income taxes? What is strange is someday in the future I want to get married

(anyways back to the point)

It depends if you have kids or not, if you do it has to be part of something. Kids are important, but if your not feeling it get out save yourself the trouble later on, the more you wait the worst it will get.

Your just frusterated right now of what he has done, which it is very understandable but dont make a judgement due to this, it might be a factor of things that made you boil over.

Tho it does sound like he has anger problems if he destroyed 10 of your things, does he have a history of it?, if he does try to get him some help.

There is my two cents, sorry for the lengthy reply

[aceofspades1114]

I feel ya hun. There's no reason why you should have to put up with that. I hope somehow you can figure out how to make things work so that you'll be happy. Hang in there hun :kk

sweet is right you shouldn't have to put up with it but hang in there:kk

[gentlewhispers]

Sorry sounding off and need someone to listen. So don't have to reply but am frustrated and pissed off beyond belief!
We have rented this house for 7 yrs..then decided to buy it. Well before we bought it the city inspector came in and tagged my house. Now tomorrow at 3:15pm is the final inspection to see if my house passes. I have spent over $2000 dollars on this house to try and save it. New paint,new carpet, new furniture etc....husband says I haven't done shit.(pardon the francais) The jerk goes in the basement and destroys it because he can't find his drill bits and can't wait til I get home to help look. Well tonight went to clean up the mess he made. I discovered he destroyed like 10 items of mine. I collect frogs and had a pewter frog that hung that said welcome. Had finally gotten a sewing machine I always wanted. He even broke my coffee maker,vases, new fan, 50 lbs of kitty litter I had bought and cat food etc. I am beyond po'd right now. Honestly went to the bedroom and got my pillows for the couch, even my friends are worried I'll hurt the jerk. Ya know I am one of those women who love to take care of my family and my man. But this is the final straw! Why should I have to put up with having my stuff destroyed?? Before that it was him tearing up our closet and throwing everything. I just can't do this anymore. Guess I am done with relationships..seems I am nice and get screwed over. Just don't know anymore what to do...oh trust me I do know to get rid of the prick..just how to afford my home if I do. My friends here know I have medical probs and mainly why I keep the jerk around. Damed if I do...and damned if I don't.:spbx: :nu
sorry about the way he is treating the situation!!! seems he needs for you to act on your feelings.. then he just might get your drift about leaving him... i know its a big step but you or no woman needs a man to control you . he needs help with his emotions lots of men do they get mad to easily and instead of fixing the problem make it worse.. anyways im with you on this one,,, good luck hun

[tiger50]

sigh, u dont have to put up with ur stuff bein broken babe...

is this deleberate to piss u off or just a mad rampage???

seems a lot of us have been screwed over gal.....perhaps why we take solace here....
and hey, were listenin.....
for you... :hug: :kk

[DukesLady66]

Thanks and yes he has a history in our marriage. He's been in jail 3 times in 9 yrs for domestic. After he destroyed the basement he told everyone I did it. Our friends know differently, they see it and hear it. In 2004 he gave me a black eye. He told people I lied and they cops doctored the pics to make it look like a black eye. Why did I stay? Well he was ordered to take anger control classes etc and they seemed to work for quite awhile. Now it's just destroying my stuff. See the judge told him if he saw him in his court room one more time it would be prison. Honestly I think my safest bet would be to get a divorce, PPO and then stay single. I just seem to have bad judgement. This is my second marriage, got married too young the first time. I'm one of those women who like to take care of my home and man etc...just seems to get me in trouble when it comes to relationships (sigh)

[tiger50]

Thanks and yes he has a history in our marriage. He's been in jail 3 times in 9 yrs for domestic. After he destroyed the basement he told everyone I did it. Our friends know differently, they see it and hear it. In 2004 he gave me a black eye. He told people I lied and they cops doctored the pics to make it look like a black eye. Why did I stay? Well he was ordered to take anger control classes etc and they seemed to work for quite awhile. Now it's just destroying my stuff. See the judge told him if he saw him in his court room one more time it would be prison. Honestly I think my safest bet would be to get a divorce, PPO and then stay single. I just seem to have bad judgement. This is my second marriage, got married too young the first time. I'm one of those women who like to take care of my home and man etc...just seems to get me in trouble when it comes to relationships (sigh)


i dont give advice much, reluctant to do so....
but is this ever gunna get any better, no-one deserves a violent relationship... u deserve happiness too....we all do..

[OICurready4me]

Thanks and yes he has a history in our marriage. He's been in jail 3 times in 9 yrs for domestic. After he destroyed the basement he told everyone I did it. Our friends know differently, they see it and hear it. In 2004 he gave me a black eye. He told people I lied and they cops doctored the pics to make it look like a black eye. Why did I stay? Well he was ordered to take anger control classes etc and they seemed to work for quite awhile. Now it's just destroying my stuff. See the judge told him if he saw him in his court room one more time it would be prison. Honestly I think my safest bet would be to get a divorce, PPO and then stay single. I just seem to have bad judgement. This is my second marriage, got married too young the first time. I'm one of those women who like to take care of my home and man etc...just seems to get me in trouble when it comes to relationships (sigh)


You are in one helluva bad relationship. I'm no relationship coach whatsoever but you'd probably be better off reporting him, let the courts do there job and put him away and divorce him while he's in there, moving away so he can't find you when he gets out. There are plenty of men out there who would love a woman who will take care of the house and them too. Don't worry about that.

[Cotties]

is he on the crank???he sounds pretty nutty

[DukesLady66]

is he on the crank???he sounds pretty nutty

When I met him he did crank once in a great while. It's not even allowed in the house. His brother died of drug overdose(heroin etc) so he doesn't touch the stuff cept maybe once every couple yrs. He's a alcoholic.

[Cotties]

why do you think........ he thinks he's allowed to get away with such selfish bullshitWhen I met him he did crank once in a great while. It's not even allowed in the house. His brother died of drug overdose(heroin etc) so he doesn't touch the stuff cept maybe once every couple yrs. He's a alcoholic.

[DukesLady66]

why do you think........ he thinks he's allowed to get away with such selfish bullshit

See up til a yr & 1/2 ago I battled severe depression and he had bullied me I had a low self esteem. Well I got on the right meds to help my depression and started feeling better and more confident. He hates it, he still tries to bring me down but I blow him off. Enough is enough. Now that I am getting ready to go back to school he hates that too. But you know I am not a bad person, not stupid like he tries to convince me of, and he hates I stand up to him. I'm 5 ft and he's 6ft, he's one of those old school bikers who thinks he's a bad ass. So physically even tho I'd love to knock the hell of out him, not a safe option. So going to make a game plan, stick to it and get to where I can get him out of my life permanently.

[upstr84u]

i got married for the tax deduction and the sex
at least i still get the deduction

[DukesLady66]

i got married for the tax deduction and the sex
at least i still get the deduction

actually I learned the hard way in my first marriage. That until you file your taxes together your not stuck with paying the others bills. I file married but single every yr. I refuse to file with my husband. He's so in debt it's ridiculous.

[Cotties]

good for you...if you don't do it you're bullshitting yourself...thats not how to live life



he wants to be an old school biker...than leave him like an old school biker wife or shoot him
See up til a yr & 1/2 ago I battled severe depression and he had bullied me I had a low self esteem. Well I got on the right meds to help my depression and started feeling better and more confident. He hates it, he still tries to bring me down but I blow him off. Enough is enough. Now that I am getting ready to go back to school he hates that too. But you know I am not a bad person, not stupid like he tries to convince me of, and he hates I stand up to him. I'm 5 ft and he's 6ft, he's one of those old school bikers who thinks he's a bad ass. So physically even tho I'd love to knock the hell of out him, not a safe option. So going to make a game plan, stick to it and get to where I can get him out of my life permanently.

[Suz]

Awe...Cotties, you are the sweetest thing..you and your cute wife. What a sweet side to you..I'm seeing a different side to you. You look good in love my friend...good in love. Happy birthday to the wife, you sure are lucky to have that pretty girl:)

[Outta]

Awe...Cotties, you are the sweetest thing..you and your cute wife. What a sweet side to you..I'm seeing a different side to you. You look good in love my friend...good in love. Happy birthday to the wife, you sure are lucky to have that pretty girl:)
Well, I'm with Cotties on this. Shoot the bastard

[Suz]

Well, I'm with Cotties on this. Shoot the bastard

That's my bad ass man.....Mmmmmmmm...love it when you talk all hard, you're very protective and that is a good quality. Now come and take me to Miami:kk

[wwwdodgeit]

sometimes u dont know when its time to walk away , did u guys go and talk to soemone for help.

[peaches]

Hey Dukeslady66, Been there and done that...that is why I'm leaving..he sits on his ass and drinks beer and bitches the whole time. But if he broken my things, well, personally I would break his things. But I put up with it for years and finally made my mind up and I'm leaving. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders after my decision. But that is me and everyone is different. But I know where you are coming from and I feel for you deeply. Good Luck...

[aceofspades1114]

I wouldn't say shoot the bastard,lol

Prison time I dont think is worth it to do it, you know what you need to do, follow your heart and it will point you in the right direction

[Penny]

I dont know how people can live in fear of being beat up by their spouse :( What kind of man beats a woman?

[Zpanther]

I dont know how people can live in fear of being beat up by their spouse :( What kind of man beats a woman?

Well, not one anyone on here would be interested in, I'll wager.....

[dartgirl]

Good Luck. It sounds like you have your work cut out for you. He sounds alot like my first husband. I lost count of the times I think about something I know I had and remember, "Oh that's right he broke it." My two cents would be to get out before something worse happens. Just keep you and your kids safe. That is the most important, stuff can always be replaced.

[steamy]

Honestly that is lower than low.



I dont know how people can live in fear of being beat up by their spouse :( What kind of man beats a woman?

[MCat]

Well, I'm with Cotties on this. Shoot the bastard

I think "Shoot the bastard" advice is inappropriate....

[Outta]

That's my bad ass man.....Mmmmmmmm...love it when you talk all hard, you're very protective and that is a good quality. Now come and take me to Miami:kk
I'll take you anywhere, baby.

[lotsotime]

Hiya...kinda new so bear with the idea....I'm an ol'school scooter people and the people I know defend thier ol'lady...and thier things. I seem to have that same problem, I'm faithful and loyal to my relationships....but I end up catching all the crap..(wah..wah, I know ).I don't like giving up on people either, we put time and emotional energy in our relationships and get misunderstood as being weak. I'm a big ol' boy, so my being solid( something you've proved about yourself, no doubt ) isn't questioned. Lady folk get walked on by thier other 1/2...or 1/4,lol...to make them feel like they gotta grip. Addicts and alcoholics don't have to have reasons to act an ass, they don't weigh in the "cause-n-effect" of thier actions. I oughta know, I was one......My thoughts are that you need to quit enabling him, he's using you for a punching bag because it's a wierd self image builder (warped is more like it ). He might have come to the conclussion that his life isn't crap, he may even blame you for his lack of a life. I'm 50 and my will power over people, places, and things, has all but disappeared.....But hey, I'm not that kind of ol'school, either was your ol'man in his younger years probably....You sound like good solid people and that's something there's a shortage of in this world. Sorry I'm so long winded, I just hate to hear about good people gone bad. It takes years to heal emotional wounds, don't beat yourself up for making the right next move....you'll be okay, you got heart. Lotsotime

[Cotties]

not bad for second post:55 Hiya...kinda new so bear with the idea....I'm an ol'school scooter people and the people I know defend thier ol'lady...and thier things. I seem to have that same problem, I'm faithful and loyal to my relationships....but I end up catching all the crap..(wah..wah, I know ).I don't like giving up on people either, we put time and emotional energy in our relationships and get misunderstood as being weak. I'm a big ol' boy, so my being solid( something you've proved about yourself, no doubt ) isn't questioned. Lady folk get walked on by thier other 1/2...or 1/4,lol...to make them feel like they gotta grip. Addicts and alcoholics don't have to have reasons to act an ass, they don't weigh in the "cause-n-effect" of thier actions. I oughta know, I was one......My thoughts are that you need to quit enabling him, he's using you for a punching bag because it's a wierd self image builder (warped is more like it ). He might have come to the conclussion that his life isn't crap, he may even blame you for his lack of a life. I'm 50 and my will power over people, places, and things, has all but disappeared.....But hey, I'm not that kind of ol'school, either was your ol'man in his younger years probably....You sound like good solid people and that's something there's a shortage of in this world. Sorry I'm so long winded, I just hate to hear about good people gone bad. It takes years to heal emotional wounds, don't beat yourself up for making the right next move....you'll be okay, you got heart. Lotsotime

[Sandy]

hi sweetie, i'm sorry to hear that he tore your stuff up. but nobody deserves to be treated that way hon, you deserve much better. he seems to be scared the more you get better the worse he'll get. its up to you of course, but me i would leave. you deserve to be happy.

[spare_change]

Lady --- everybody has given you good advice. Let me add mine - -but let me be more urgent, and more strident.

Get your ass out of there - tonight! You don't have anything in that house worth dying for.... and there's a damn good chance that's what is going to happen if you stay. The man is out of control, and you need to be gone.

Go to the nearest shelter - go to the police - go somewhere.

[DukesLady66]

Lady --- everybody has given you good advice. Let me add mine - -but let me be more urgent, and more strident.

Get your ass out of there - tonight! You don't have anything in that house worth dying for.... and there's a damn good chance that's what is going to happen if you stay. The man is out of control, and you need to be gone.

Go to the nearest shelter - go to the police - go somewhere.

Actually he doesn't realize he'll be the one going. He's already pissed off a friend who is 6'6 and 400lbs and tomorrow they'll be talking. He doesn't hit me but verbally abusive. After today he can kiss my booty. Told him to leave..if he doesn't he'll be assisted in doing so soon.

[Crawfish]

I dont know how people can live in fear of being beat up by their spouse :( What kind of man beats a woman?

The same kind that beats up a sewing machine.

[Butterfly_13]

Lady,
PLEASE contact your local battered women's shelter - NOW!!! If you need help locating resources, ask, I'll be happy to help you.
Also, please let us all know that you are OK; I'm worried...

[w9kw]

Well it takes a sorry ass fellar to hit a gal. Ive been married 4 times and i aint ever hit a woman. Damm sure kill a bunch of furniture that i had to replace. But hitting females is a chicken .... move

[Michael77]

Sorry sounding off and need someone to listen. So don't have to reply but am frustrated and pissed off beyond belief!
We have rented this house for 7 yrs..then decided to buy it. Well before we bought it the city inspector came in and tagged my house. Now tomorrow at 3:15pm is the final inspection to see if my house passes. I have spent over $2000 dollars on this house to try and save it. New paint,new carpet, new furniture etc....husband says I haven't done shit.(pardon the francais) The jerk goes in the basement and destroys it because he can't find his drill bits and can't wait til I get home to help look. Well tonight went to clean up the mess he made. I discovered he destroyed like 10 items of mine. I collect frogs and had a pewter frog that hung that said welcome. Had finally gotten a sewing machine I always wanted. He even broke my coffee maker,vases, new fan, 50 lbs of kitty litter I had bought and cat food etc. I am beyond po'd right now. Honestly went to the bedroom and got my pillows for the couch, even my friends are worried I'll hurt the jerk. Ya know I am one of those women who love to take care of my family and my man. But this is the final straw! Why should I have to put up with having my stuff destroyed?? Before that it was him tearing up our closet and throwing everything. I just can't do this anymore. Guess I am done with relationships..seems I am nice and get screwed over. Just don't know anymore what to do...oh trust me I do know to get rid of the prick..just how to afford my home if I do. My friends here know I have medical probs and mainly why I keep the jerk around. Damed if I do...and damned if I don't.:spbx: :nu

how long have you been married??..weve been married for 18 years..but i still respect my wifes belongings..i wouldnt have the heart to do something like that..hope things smooth out for you..

[Shadows]

We help one another in life.

[peaches]

Actually he doesn't realize he'll be the one going. He's already pissed off a friend who is 6'6 and 400lbs and tomorrow they'll be talking. He doesn't hit me but verbally abusive. After today he can kiss my booty. Told him to leave..if he doesn't he'll be assisted in doing so soon.
Verbal abuse is the worst I think, put up with for years, they build houses everyday....for your own peace of mind he needs to go or you go......I finally left mine and so much better for it, and I left alot behind, but nothing is more important than your insantity or self worth........