View Full Version : Curious people please read!! I need some help!!!!!
I am writing because of the inspiration from everyones willing to open up and share their lives. A member named Shortnsexy kind of hit it for me, from one of her posts.... so thanks Shortnsexy.
Married but looking, what an interesting topic and a deep one at that, Some that like the thought but are not quite sure of what they are getting into. I think I am going to dive right into and share some of my experiences with you all and hope this gives some light on the subject. I am not a writer so here it goes. I am new to the site and have a total of four posts so my openess is taking a lot of courage and talking to a bunch of strangers is kind of like theropy... but heres to living life and my experiences. This is not to discourage this site or any members on it, and it is not to promote the subject in any way. I am a normal guy, living life the best I can and hope that my story helps you all out is some way.
My background... I have loved in the past and have had great girlfriends. I am a very caring person and really do try in a realationship. I am a Nice guy that finishes last. I am they guy that woman post personal ads about saying the are looking for "everything perfect" in a guy. Not to sound conceded, I do have major faults and that is why I am writing. I grew up fast and was with a lot of people that didn't care about me like I did them. I finally was in a situation (horrible) having a kid with a one time thing etc.. I was on drugs and had 6 warrents for my arrest... all traffic but I was at the bottom of my barrel... Thats when I met my wife. She was my saviour. She opened up windows of opertunity to me that I never saw.. I don't want to get into to many details with this so i will give enought to make my point during my story. She was the first woman to care about me and be as interested in me as I was with others. She was my match. Well, we have lived togather for 9 years and been married for 6 and have a beautiful family. She is EVERYTHING a man could want besides one thing. (will get to it) Successful, gorgious, educated with a bachlors, 2 minors, masters and on her way to become a doctor at an elite school. How was I to be so lucky? Well, stopping being modest.... I bring a lot to the table as well..... anyways now that the background its there.. on to the topic...
I can only complain about one thing..... Sex... my wife excells on EVERYTHING in life but someone forgot to giver her the gift of sexuallity. That is where we differ. I am the most sexual person out there.. (I feel) I will try almost anything, I will do almost anything.... (not in a sick way)... I am a very sesual person that enjoys everything about the 3 letter word. I am every girls fantacy. I enjoy 4 play like no other. I love to be non selfish in bed and do whatever it takes to make my woman have the best orgasm she has ever had every single time. I will always fail but its always fun for her when I try. I am turned on by the woman being turned on. My favorite thing to do to a woman is please her orally or make love to her from behind giving her the best backrub she has ever had at the same time. (YOU should try this one boys and girls!) I would do ANYTHING just to make sure my woman is enjoying themselves. I thought when I got married that that was something that we could build on and our sexuality would grow togather. I figured thats where the word comprimise would come into the marriage eventually. Things didn't change.
Needless to say, I am like most of you that is on this site.. I love to flirt, I love to open the envelope. I express my self this way becuase of the lack of sexuallity at home. I mean elementary sex. No experience... no changes... no spice... this is how bad it is... my wife doesn't like me to give her oral because she thinks it gross and discusting... its like I am married to a woman that was born in the era of the 50's. So... my flirtatios ways moved to the next level eventually. I finally decided that I would have an affair and do it with no intention other that to solve my sexual desires. It was wierd the first time... but I got over it and figured it was just the rookie blues. So I did it again to achieve my original goal of seeing if I could be sexualy satisfied. The second time was better but still not quite there. So I decided to solve my kinky side and have a threesome with a married couple. I decided if I was cheating on my wife I might as well go for gold right...? Wild and fun times!! Always safe because I do still care about my family as well as myself......Needless to say 6 months later and and all of the affairs I am still not completly satisfied. Sure, I did have some fun times and tried many new things and connected sexually with some hot woman... It still didn't do what I thought it would do for me. The ones I did have an affair with were married as well and I went that dirrection because I knew they had just as much to loose as I did and they were in the same situation. So, I thought maybe that was the problem. The woman wasn't giving me her all and was using me as much as I was using her.... so i went a slightly different direction... I found a woman that was single that would give me her all, the sex, the emotions the everything. I went out of town on a business trip and had talked with this girl for a couple months and lied and said I was a single guy. Putting just as much emotion and effort into it as she did. I flew to the busiess trip and spent 4 incredible days and nights with her. I had the best time of my life! All expences paid... high dollar drinks... fabulous food.... I literally gave her my all. Emotionally and physically. I had some VERY deep conversations and connected very well with her and had the best sexual experiences I had ever had! I honestly felt like I was falling for her in a mier 3 days and she was feeling the exact same way but worse. As soon as it was all perfect, I jumped back to reality and I flew back to my hometown and spent the entire weekend thinking about my incredible fantacy I just lived.
Needless to say I had a depressing weekend. Not only was I feeling incredibly bad that I have just led this absolutly beautiful and wonderful woman on to thinking I am this sencere gentalman that has a wonderful single life, but I also was feeling horrilbe to come home to my excited wife to see me... One more thing that was going through my mind.... Not only did I just lie and decieve a nice girl that deserves nothing but greatness in her life and not only did I just lie and decieve my wife by spend the time of my life with another woman, more importantly... I had been lying and decieving myself the entire time. I had been chasing this dream of having wild, crazy, sex with beautiful woman (which I did) but at the same time I wasn't able to give my heart and soul either. For me to fill that void, I had to do both. And I just couldn't do that. I still love my wife VERY much. The only way to get what I ultimatly wanted was to become single again and play the field. Be single again and take all my exsperiences and run with the wild wolves. Ruining all the hard work that I put into having a great relationship and a wonder home. Was my sexual desires worth losing all that I had become? Where am I now with all of this you ask... did I settle with my sexual desires and just be happy with my wife? Did I seperate from her and got all the "strange" I ever wanted and delt with the consiquinces later? Did I figure out a way to have my cake and eat it too?
To be continued.......
I am still writing this story and this all just happend over the weekend. I just sent the innocent single woman a email...........like I said, to be continued.
Notes----- Please give feedback and or your opinion. I don't judge people for what they do because that is the way they are. Again, I am new to the site so I thought I would share a very personal story for all to read on this subject......Hopefully this helps in some strange way.
Jdig
SexyCowgirl
05-07-2007, 07:57 PM
Whew! That is a story there, I hope you resolve some of the things you are dealing with. And this is why I have not ventured to having an affair, I am fearful that it is not what I am looking for. And that I will leave it feeling guilty, and still unfufilled.
May I ask if you have talked with your wife about why she is so uptight about the things she is? MAybe if she can shed some light on why she feels this way you both may be able to come up with a better way of thinking for her..........
Michael77
05-07-2007, 08:07 PM
Well jdig..you have my respect..thats what i call being totally honest..Ive been married for 18 years but all of those years werent peaches and cream..we almost called it quits during a pretty rough period but for some reason we hung in there..we hungered for something more also..so we tried some mild swinging with a two other couples..it was great at first..it always is..the spice..the excitement..but we had to call it quits for emotions were running deep..its a place that angels fear to tread my friend..very risky indeed..Im just glad its in the past..at times though I feel I miss that excitement..I guess thats why I like this site..alot of people here has things in common with myself..just wanted to welcome you..and dont feel your alone..we all have our experiences..thats part of growing up..
Yes, it is quite the story. If I would have givin details all all of it... wow... So to anser your question.... yes, I have put much effort into fixing this about my wife. I have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel. (Not a give me more ass converstaion) but true genuin conversations. I have bought her simple sex toys... I have picked up some educational sex books such as one was different positions and the other was more or less about Kama Sutra and the emotional pleasures of sex and making love. To awnswer your question diectly..... she is not comfortable trying things out, she feels weird and doesn't even like talking about it. She is just like a "typical" male that loves the wam bam thank you mam.
MysteryLaidee
05-07-2007, 08:14 PM
Wow! I just want to thank you for sharing your story...it took a lot of courage to open up and maybe it helped you and maybe others here. I know there are no easy answers.
Thanks Michael that was very warm of you to say. Trust me I had joined and read many other posts before opening up my problem. Everyone seems very non judgemental and maybe in due time I would become one of you. Like you said... we all have our experiences and thats apart of growing up. Very well put.
Amaretto
05-07-2007, 11:52 PM
jdig,
No judgement from me. I'm glad you shared your story, even though your distress is really heartbreaking. It is obviously so frustrating for you to want to share your love and passion with your wife, but she is not able to give herself fully and freely to you. Society can really burden people with hangups--don't know if that's what's going on with her, but I hope the two of you can work through this.
Perhaps knowing some of my past history will be encouraging to you. Go to this link, and read my posts #78 and #80 (be sure to read all the way through both of them; the beginning will seem unrelated to your situation).
http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.com/forums/showthread.php?p=521162#post521162
amaretto
Hey Jdig, first I want to thank you for sharing your story with us. I admire your candor and honesty.
Welcome to the site, my friend. I think you will find alot of people here who are in the same situation as you. There's alot of us who are mismatched sexually in their relationships, and some who aren't having sex at all! There's many of us who have strayed for myriad reasons, and just as many who have been tempted.
I hope you stick around and get to know all of us. You'll find alot of support here, tons of laughs, and some wonderful friends.
gina65
05-08-2007, 11:58 AM
well jdig
I think you just described 90% of all marriages-I was with my ex-husband for 12 years-married for 9-at the end when i couldn't take anymore i realized i hadn't loved him for many years. We divorced and 4 years later i met my husband now-He is 10 years younger & a very wonderful man. But when we met i made no question on how i felt about sex- I told him that i was not the woman who had headaches or not in the mood kind of responses to a heated moment. I have and always will be in the mood. Well we have been together for over three years married for 1yr. He works really early in the morning- & gets very tired in the early evening-i get really frustrated because we went from 3-4 times a week-to once a month. I start thinking it's me & got very insecure-& i am not an insecure person. He gets very aggitated when i bring it up like i am hounding him. It seems we have a reverse role going on. I know he is not cheating because he never goes out-he picks up the kids after work & on the weekends we are together 100%-so go figure that one. I just don't think he has a sex drive anymore-anyway there is someone at work that i use to be with about a year after my divorce & before i met my husband-a bed buddy i guess you can say. Sex was incredible & when ever i wanted it i got it. Well i have that opportunity again when ever i choose but i would like my husband to be the one i sleep with. Now i haven't acted on it but it has gone through my head so many times while i lay there awake while he is dead asleep. So i know what your feeling & i would come right out and tell her that you've thought about other women because she doesn't show anything toward you-i wouldn't tell her about the other woman though-Women are funny-when they think there is another woman trying to hone in on what is theirs they become a different person. You don't have to be cold about it-but i would be completely honest-well except for the cheating part
Wow! I just want to thank you for sharing your story...it took a lot of courage to open up and maybe it helped you and maybe others here. I know there are no easy answers.
Thanks for saying what you did. It makes it easier to open up when people like you appreciate an open peron. Opening up did help me because I am now more comfortable with my "problem" finding out that alot of people on here have similar situations. I think you nailed it right on the head... "There is no easy answer" Good things in life are hard to get, thats why they are good.
jdig,
No judgement from me. I'm glad you shared your story, even though your distress is really heartbreaking. It is obviously so frustrating for you to want to share your love and passion with your wife, but she is not able to give herself fully and freely to you. Society can really burden people with hangups--don't know if that's what's going on with her, but I hope the two of you can work through this.
Perhaps knowing some of my past history will be encouraging to you. Go to this link, and read my posts #78 and #80 (be sure to read all the way through both of them; the beginning will seem unrelated to your situation).
http://www.marriedandflirtingchat.com/forums/showthread.php?p=521162#post521162
amaretto
Wow... what a wonderful story you had with (it sounds like) TONS of happy endings!! (Pun intended) Ameretto... I want to share my love and passion with my wife soooo badly it is soo frustrating! Frustrating every single day. The longer I am frustrated, the intencity of the frustration gets worse. What a wonderful story you shared with me and it REALLY is an inspiration to my "problem"! It gives me hope. I completly agree with you about the for better or worse!! WOW thats all I can say. WOW Its nice to know that I can talk to people in here openly and get such great advise and not be judged by my actions. I was thinking of marriage counceling as being my next step... But I think I found it!!! I think the next thing to figure out is, how to get my wife to get over "being sick". Meaning, what if this is not a medical problem? How would I get her to realize the pleasures if she does not see it? How do you get a person to think "outside the box" if they don't see the box in the first place? In all honesty, the way you used to be IS my wife! I can't wait till she is JUST LIKE YOU! or better yet... (what are you doing tonight?) hehe In all seriousness..... THANK YOU!
Hey Jdig, first I want to thank you for sharing your story with us. I admire your candor and honesty.
Welcome to the site, my friend. I think you will find alot of people here who are in the same situation as you. There's alot of us who are mismatched sexually in their relationships, and some who aren't having sex at all! There's many of us who have strayed for myriad reasons, and just as many who have been tempted.
I hope you stick around and get to know all of us. You'll find alot of support here, tons of laughs, and some wonderful friends.
Your welcome for sharing my story and thank you for reading it!! I know it wasn't easy!!! I kind of closed my eyes and started typing. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it and was a little hesitant about hitting the send button, but WELL worth it because of warm people like you. Seems like a great site, a fun site, and great friends and YOUR part of the reason. Thanks again!!!!
Amaretto
05-08-2007, 02:11 PM
I think the next thing to figure out is, how to get my wife to get over "being sick". Meaning, what if this is not a medical problem? How would I get her to realize the pleasures if she does not see it? How do you get a person to think "outside the box" if they don't see the box in the first place? In all honesty, the way you used to be IS my wife! I can't wait till she is JUST LIKE YOU! or better yet... (what are you doing tonight?) hehe In all seriousness..... THANK YOU!
jdig, when I have more time I'll write again. I can't pm you until you reach 150 posts, but I think I can email (I'm pretty new here so don't know all the details!)
it really is amazing that even though this is a flirting site, there are many people who will listen and understand and share their serious side too. i think you'll love it here.
amaretto
well jdig
I think you just described 90% of all marriages-I was with my ex-husband for 12 years-married for 9-at the end when i couldn't take anymore i realized i hadn't loved him for many years. We divorced and 4 years later i met my husband now-He is 10 years younger & a very wonderful man. But when we met i made no question on how i felt about sex- I told him that i was not the woman who had headaches or not in the mood kind of responses to a heated moment. I have and always will be in the mood. Well we have been together for over three years married for 1yr. He works really early in the morning- & gets very tired in the early evening-i get really frustrated because we went from 3-4 times a week-to once a month. I start thinking it's me & got very insecure-& i am not an insecure person. He gets very aggitated when i bring it up like i am hounding him. It seems we have a reverse role going on. I know he is not cheating because he never goes out-he picks up the kids after work & on the weekends we are together 100%-so go figure that one. I just don't think he has a sex drive anymore-anyway there is someone at work that i use to be with about a year after my divorce & before i met my husband-a bed buddy i guess you can say. Sex was incredible & when ever i wanted it i got it. Well i have that opportunity again when ever i choose but i would like my husband to be the one i sleep with. Now i haven't acted on it but it has gone through my head so many times while i lay there awake while he is dead asleep. So i know what your feeling & i would come right out and tell her that you've thought about other women because she doesn't show anything toward you-i wouldn't tell her about the other woman though-Women are funny-when they think there is another woman trying to hone in on what is theirs they become a different person. You don't have to be cold about it-but i would be completely honest-well except for the cheating part
Gina, its nice to read a similar story like mine. Thanks so much for sharing that with me and everyone else! I would really like to hear the "outcome" of your situation. Like you said... the "other" is VERY tempting but you REALLY want it to be with your significant other. VERY MUCH AGREE with you on that! You didn't say if that was the case. Have you done anything with the other? Have you, yourself, taken the advise you gave me on being honest (to a point) and told the significant other that you were thinking about other men because of the lack? I think that is great advise and I need to be VERY careful when doing so. My wife is very brittle with a subject such as another woman. Would love to talk and chat more because we have quite a bit in common in this regards!
Or how about me and you get togather and have some drinks and we screw away all the problems and deal with them another time! :sex
Thought you might like that. Thanks again and hope to get more details on your story!
jdig, when I have more time I'll write again. I can't pm you until you reach 150 posts, but I think I can email (I'm pretty new here so don't know all the details!)
it really is amazing that even though this is a flirting site, there are many people who will listen and understand and share their serious side too. i think you'll love it here.
amaretto
It is ironic that I am figuring out my marital problems in a married and looking forum... As they say you "you cant be happy with someone else if your not happy with yourself". Meaning.. as I get to know all of you and maybe not "figure out" my problems (that could take years!) We can move on to the reason for this website :) And with you ametetto.. I truely can't wait to get you in the sack!!!
Thanks for all your help and time you have put into this "rookie". It does mean a lot to me that you are so caring of a person!
spare_change
05-08-2007, 02:58 PM
Yes, it is quite the story. If I would have givin details all all of it... wow... So to anser your question.... yes, I have put much effort into fixing this about my wife. I have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel. (Not a give me more ass converstaion) but true genuin conversations. I have bought her simple sex toys... I have picked up some educational sex books such as one was different positions and the other was more or less about Kama Sutra and the emotional pleasures of sex and making love. To awnswer your question diectly..... she is not comfortable trying things out, she feels weird and doesn't even like talking about it. She is just like a "typical" male that loves the wam bam thank you mam.
I guess I get to be the heavy ----
I noticed throughout your description that there is an underlying theme that this is her problem - not OUR problem. You claim that you "have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel." I get the sense these are lectures, rather than two-way exchanges. Do you have any sense of WHY she is like this? Have you listened to her try to tell you why? Religiously suppressed? Perhaps a traumatic event in her earlier relationships?
Until you ferret out the reason, you can't fix the problem -- I'm guessing a little more two-way conversation would be best.
SexyCowgirl
05-08-2007, 03:10 PM
I guess I get to be the heavy ----
I noticed throughout your description that there is an underlying theme that this is her problem - not OUR problem. You claim that you "have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel." I get the sense these are lectures, rather than two-way exchanges. Do you have any sense of WHY she is like this? Have you listened to her try to tell you why? Religiously suppressed? Perhaps a traumatic event in her earlier relationships?
Until you ferret out the reason, you can't fix the problem -- I'm guessing a little more two-way conversation would be best.
Spare, that is what I was trying to bring light to......
I was abused when I was younger, and the stigma of it hung with me for years. It has taken me a long time, and a lot of soul searching, to become comfortable with these things, and it took me a bit longer to discuss it with my husband. But when I was finally able to talk these things over with someone, my sex life improved greatly.
Your wife needs to learn to talk about why she finds these topics so uncomfortable, before you can begin adressing the "we" problems you are having.
I guess I get to be the heavy ----
I noticed throughout your description that there is an underlying theme that this is her problem - not OUR problem. You claim that you "have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel." I get the sense these are lectures, rather than two-way exchanges. Do you have any sense of WHY she is like this? Have you listened to her try to tell you why? Religiously suppressed? Perhaps a traumatic event in her earlier relationships?
Until you ferret out the reason, you can't fix the problem -- I'm guessing a little more two-way conversation would be best.
I accept your "heavy ----" opinion, respect and appreciate it too. Some, just need to be told straight up with out beating around the bush. You make a very good point in which no one has touched on. I have explained this to you guys as "my" problem and not "our" problem. Thanks for the reminder and I will keep that in mind!
First I live by the mottos... you never stop learning and there are ALWAYS two sides to a story (unless its my story of course). With that being said. I think I am a very open person and can see and accept my faults as much as I can to fix a situation. At least I try to be.
Lectures..... not really. I do go into that conversation with a very open mind and really try to feel accepting in what ever she has to say.
"Do you have any sense of WHY she is like this?" No... I don't to be honest with you. That is what I have tried so hard to figure out. You said it best, "Until you figure out the reason, you can't fix the problem"
She doesn't have a "past" or would she be on Dr. Phill as a guest..... Nothing sexual anyways.... She is just incredibly shy when it comes to sex or doing anything out of the norm.
Thanks for the reminder of our problem!
joe43
05-08-2007, 03:54 PM
i am really humbled by the story
sorry just saw your reply sexy.... you are both right. You need to know the problem in order to fix it. The only "past" is, she has is with a guy that talked on the internet to other woman... he didn't cheat or anything but caught him talking....... Thats it! Maybe I am being closed minded about this and this is stemming from somewhere..... Is it possible that it might not be steming from something and that just the way she is. She is and wont be a sexual person. Kind of like a person that has the favorite color green. Just a preference in life.
joe43
05-08-2007, 04:14 PM
good point jdig. could just be a preference
Frenchie
05-08-2007, 04:20 PM
Hey Jdig
I'm going to folow spare a bit on this. take what I say as objective since I have a good feeling of where you stand.
I love your story and it's one you'll always have "make sure it stays that way" but in the end you know and I know what you have to do, it's real easy and the reason you feel bad is cause you already know your answer.
The reason you feel like your still missing something when you sleep with someone else is cause your trying to fix someone else's problem and not yours. Sleeping with another women will do nothing to cure your itch of your current partner turning into a crazy sex kitten ;).
In the end your adding baggage to your problem, if you feel your current partner got you out of where you where and you owe her something for life for devoting her time to you when no one else would and you owe her then you know your answer and look no further.
I get that she's a super skilled intelligent women that helped you get out of a deep hole you where in but in the end it's a basic value that if she's missing obviously in the end it wont be enough to carry your relationship no matter what the past was. She could be a saint Jdig and save your life but in the end it's a basic need that if not filled correctly will lead you to doing the worst possible "well not worst but you get the idea" things to solve your problem IE: You going on your escapade / business trip.
My point here is your real challenge is with your current partner. It's her you need to turn around. It's hard and especially hard to discuss stuff like this especially if at the core she feels stuff is yuckie or gross or something she would never think of doing cause good girls dont do that stuff and so on.
Sit down and explain to her how you feel. Explain calmly and politly the issues your having and the outcome it's having on your feelings and the future of you two as a couple. You'll be amazed at what might come out of it. If she loves you bros she wont let you going down on her get in the way of keeping you. I've told my wife some pretty kinky stuff I like and you know what I got an answer 100% different then what I tought I would get.
Remember this as it's the most important part of my little shpeel. Take your time... I know it's ruff but take your time, be patient. It takes a long time to make someone realise there's another way to look at something. She's a smart girl she'll understand. Start slow, get some books, games, toy's maybe even some therapy together to help her gain some confidence in herself to let you do these things to her. It might be all fun in games to your vision but for her is probably a 180 degree different story.
Her problem seems to be real simple, like you mention, maybe no one took the time to make her realise the sex potential she as hiding inside and that's where you my friend will come in. You will be beyond extatic if she starts to open up and only then will you feel complete. Your sex will be a million times better and you'll be happy you tried. One little baby step at a time and trust me it's worth it. Make her comfortable in taking the steps to open up and be more comfortable.
If after a while you feel like you've done everything you could do to help and it's not working out well... like I said before you already have your answer.
She's not your mom jdig, people evolve and grow and sometimes grow appart, it doesnt mean you dont love her for what she did anymore it's just called evolution.
So that's my 2 cents I hope it helps
Best of luck to you!
DaFrEnChGuY ------ How much do I owe you for that session of theropy? Very well put. After analyzing what you wrote and thinking about it.... Your absolutly right and like you said. You and I know what I have to do. To touch up on a couple of things you wrote about...
My itch.. was not scratched. I had amazing sex, things I only dreamed and fantasized about and yet I am still not satisfied. I am trying to fullfill something I am missing from my wife by sleeping with another and I am not satified because I want that itch scratched from my wife. A point Ameretto had made.
My wife did not only "save" me.. I know deep down she is my soul mate. She IS the most wonderful woman in this world. I just wish you guys knew her. I have known her since I was 6 years. She brightens my days and she gives me what I don't have and I give her what she does not have in life. We are VERY opposite in many ways, but compliment eachother well, standing next to eachother. Me standing alone.. I would live..... Her by my side... I am a KING! I understand people grow and seperate and I understand that if my need is not filled in time, I will have to look further (as I have). I have confidence that my wife will change in time.
With that said... I have known the answer to my problem but am unsure of how to resolve it. Maybe the failed attempts on my part, which made me give up, have made me stray. I feel bad for giving up so easily on the one I love and the thigs I have done.
Your absolutly right that I need to take baby steps and build confidence in her. I need to show her the way and I need to show her that she can and will enjoy what she does not know. Again, Ameretto made this point in her life story and how she changed. In the end, I am just wanting to express my love and passion to my wife in the way I want and need. The more spice I bring in the bedroom is just an example of me sharing my love for her. The more I can share and express that spice, I just want her to interpret that I love her that much more.
NOW WHAT......???
Well, since you asked.. hehe I think I will take your advise and take VERY slow baby steps to opening her mind to the GREAT things she is missing. I will move VERY slowly and openly on sharing my self and my needs and wants. I will not give up and take as long as it takes. As FRUSTRATING as it is......
Anyone have advise on opening up a book that has dust on it? BOOKS? Conversations with others? Maybe step by step directions on how to do something like this? Turorials? Good sex counclers? Anything PLEASE! :) Like you said... take it slow and be honest and open with how I feel. I havn't been the best at that in the past and that is one thing I can work on. Amongst many things I am sure.
You guys are all great and I love this site!!! Thank you everyone for your imput and support. You guys are truely special and I will repay each and every once of you somehow someway!!
Jdig
MysteryLaidee
05-08-2007, 05:48 PM
The only thing I would suggest is when you begin the conversations, don't go into with the attitude of "this is what I need you to do for ME". Express to her how much you want to please her and that you want to slowly and together explore more ways to do that. Start small and build her confidence. If she thinks oral sex is "bad" you need to find ways to let her know that for you, allowing you to make love to her in that way, would be such a privilege, because of her beauty, her taste, her feel, etc. If you can get her just a little comfortable, where you can give her a lot of pleasure, then continue to build her confidence, I think you may be surprised.
Everyone is different and you may try it all and nothing works, but at least you can say you tried!
gina65
05-08-2007, 06:00 PM
jdig
let me tell you as a woman what i like- i donot like scheduled sex-it takes all the excitement out of it. I sometimes donot like words. Go up to her when the moment is just right-take your hand and brush her hair out of her face and kiss along her collar bone-without saying a word. Right after a shower is perfect. I love kisses on my neck when he comes up to me from behind. that is an insane turn on. Maybe tease her a little and walk away, give her something to think about. I love my butt grabbed too-not smacked-just squeezed. same with the chest. Cologne is another thing. It is an emense turn on. Gio is wonderful.
If she is a little frigid-never never ask for sex in a vulgar way-During sex is one thing-but before is a complete turn off-I have to go home-if you want to hear more let me know
haha oh gina I could listen to that all day! More More More!!! :)
And thanks MysteryLadie for your advise too. I don't think my question is quite clear though...
NOT to sound like I know all or that I am the "KING" in the sac.... but
I DO know how to please a woman. WOW I am shallow! Okay what I mean is.... its not that kind of please where the guy walks away thinking he just rocked somones world when the whole time she was faking it. Put it this way. My wife has an orgasm EVERYIME we have sex. I have been married for 6 years and know this for a fact. I have had many experiences and I URGE the woman to be very vocal and let me know what she likes and doesn't like. As stated earlier. I am a person that loves to learn, expecially when it comes to sex. Again. NOT meaning to sound like Rico Suave here.. Just making a point.
The question is...... With my experience in knowing what I do and having done the things I am experienced. How do you get a woman to open her mind to new things.... One example as previously stated... One of my favorite things to do is give a woman oral and please her that way... LOVE IT. My wife thinks it's gross and when I try to do sooo.. she shys away from it and doesn't want me doing it. Now with this situation..... I will eliminate one thing... Its not that I am not good at it! I have had partners in the past that that is all they want me to do or thats the only way they can finish with me.... Anyways... I pay attentin in bed and know what I can and can't do. I am sencere and open minded to the woman and her needs. I know how a woman likes to be made love to as well as wild crazy animal sex from behind up aganst a wall while her hair is being pulled. I know that a woman loves nothing more that to get a nice warm massage with candles and light music and enjoys that sentual time just as much as sex. So, thanks ladies for the "how to get your woman warm" but I don't undrestand how to "change" what she likes. Or change her thinking of looking outside the box. Not to feel like oral is gross but to think of it as an expression of love and passion.... Go ahead and tell me I am a lost cause!! haha Anyways.... I need to take a break from this subject. I need to relieve some pressure from my head and think about dirty, sexy, naughty things again. Maybe a nice flirt session would do me good. Clear my head! Yeah, that would help :)
MysteryLaidee
05-08-2007, 06:29 PM
haha oh gina I could listen to that all day! More More More!!! :)
And thanks MysteryLadie for your advise too. I don't think my question is quite clear though...
NOT to sound like I know all or that I am the "KING" in the sac.... but
I DO know how to please a woman. WOW I am shallow! Okay what I mean is.... its not that kind of please where the guy walks away thinking he just rocked somones world when the whole time she was faking it. Put it this way. My wife has an orgasm EVERYIME we have sex. I have been married for 6 years and know this for a fact. I have had many experiences and I URGE the woman to be very vocal and let me know what she likes and doesn't like. As stated earlier. I am a person that loves to learn, expecially when it comes to sex. Again. NOT meaning to sound like Rico Suave here.. Just making a point.
The question is...... With my experience in knowing what I do and having done the things I am experienced. How do you get a woman to open her mind to new things.... One example as previously stated... One of my favorite things to do is give a woman oral and please her that way... LOVE IT. My wife thinks it's gross and when I try to do sooo.. she shys away from it and doesn't want me doing it. Now with this situation..... I will eliminate one thing... Its not that I am not good at it! I have had partners in the past that that is all they want me to do or thats the only way they can finish with me.... Anyways... I pay attentin in bed and know what I can and can't do. I am sencere and open minded to the woman and her needs. I know how a woman likes to be made love to as well as wild crazy animal sex from behind up aganst a wall while her hair is being pulled. I know that a woman loves nothing more that to get a nice warm massage with candles and light music and enjoys that sentual time just as much as sex. So, thanks ladies for the "how to get your woman warm" but I don't undrestand how to "change" what she likes. Or change her thinking of looking outside the box. Not to feel like oral is gross but to think of it as an expression of love and passion.... Go ahead and tell me I am a lost cause!! haha Anyways.... I need to take a break from this subject. I need to relieve some pressure from my head and think about dirty, sexy, naughty things again. Maybe a nice flirt session would do me good. Clear my head! Yeah, that would help :)
I don't think I was giving you advice on how to give oral sex...more on how to approach your wife which is what I thought you were asking... AGAIN...focus on her and not on what you want....i.e., building her confidence about herself, not warming her up....(I wonder what an aneurysm feels like? :whee: ) Good luck!
peaches
05-08-2007, 06:32 PM
I admire your courage to come in hear and tell us your story. And yes most of are in the same stituation. But only you can answer your own questions. Someimes just writing it down will help, and I hope it has. One question you must ask yourself is how much do you love your wife and truly listen and understand her?
There is no jugement here we are not by any means angels, just people who are trying to get through life with some happiness and perhapes love. I wish you the best on your search. We will always be hear to help you. Please keep us updated on your quest for answers. It just might help others on here.
mystery... I gotcha now! Took me a while but I think I see the light!
Peaches.... thanks for your words. I figure the only way to make good friends is to open up and be honest with them. I am glad I did. It did help me bywriting it all down. Makes me realize the probles I myself have and the things I need to work on. You asked how much do I love my wife and if I truly listen and understand her... Wow thats a loaded one.
Simple answer.... I love my wife and always will. The last year has really been a mind twister and makes me question just that. Sometimes I feel like we have turned into friends with benifits, and the benifits are not all that great. Which makes me wonder if she is the one for me.....
How much do I listen and understand her.....? Does a man ever listen like a woman wants? Will a man EVER understand? :) I think we both know the answer to that.
I do try. Everyday ruts get in the way of course and I KNOW I could do better and one of many things I will work on. Thanks for the warm welcome!
I am always reluctant to comment on such sensitive subjects, we are all different after all and of course we don't know your wife or her feelings behind her lack of interest. However, I can't help wondering if the more you complain about wanting sex , the less your wife may want it, or even the more you try to interest your wife the less interested she may become. It maybe that by trying to solve the problem, and it seems with no results, instead of doing something completely different, you are trying to do the same thing that didn't work before, perhaps with twice the effort. And that often makes things worse.
Do you as a result from her lack of interest hunger for sex even more, even becoming obsessed by it? Do you touch your wife sexually at every opportunity, around the house or hug to say goodbye, perhaps making sexual remarks? I just wonder if your wife feels pressured to have sex and be more put off by it. Does she become annoyed? Perhaps, if, and I stress if, this is the case, your behaviour maybe the source of your wife's reluctance. Have you told her how unhappy you are about the lack of sex in your relationship? as this will put even more pressure on your wife, in doing so she want even less sexual contact, and might even stop wanting it at all.
Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, the more effort you put in to make things right the more she may become put off! A vicious circle so to speak, your love and attention which is spurred on by the lack of sex is what maybe putting your wife off sex. Remember, the solutions that seem the most logical aren't always the best.
Um! Hi by the way... :wa:
jenny.... very true, very true! Yes, the harder I try the more the turtle goes in the shell. She has communicated to me that she feels inadiquit and or not good enough and she is frustrated on this point. You hit that one on the mark! I do feel more frustrated the more she hides.... I dont try harder to get in the shell when that happends though... I have had conversations with her telling her how I truely feel. I have had 2 sided conversations that are very nice and calm and understanding on both sides. I havn't told her everything... meaning.... what kind of porn I would watch or what REALLY turns me on or what I would REALLY like to do with her in bed. It would overwelm her to say the least.
You say the solution that seems most logical are not always the best.... If the more effort I put into this and the more I try puts her back a step and is not helping... and the less I try or the less I communicate openly about our problem puts her back a step... what is the solution?
Sounds like your saying let it go....
Thanks for your imput jenny. I definitly see where your coming from and agree that the more I try the less she responds..... Just not sure if there really is a solution out there.
Frenchie
05-09-2007, 10:31 AM
She has communicated to me that she feels inadiquit and or not good enough and she is frustrated on this point.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding!
That my friend is your target right there!
Chances are, some clown shoe scared the living hell out of her or complained or said something stupid in the past that hurt her feelings and now she's so scared of being bad or odd that she wont even try for fear of failing or looking like a failure.
Your girl sounds like my wife. Smart, educated, outgoing, successful, heart as big as a house, popular and in demand, lots of friends and is very loving....but...As a real low self asteem anyway.
You my friend need to be the concrete block wall she needs to build confidence on. The girls here are right, when you push harder she goes even deeper in cause it's intimidating, especially for women where they have allot more then physical attributes involved.
Make love to her mind and you'll unlock her pandora's box faster then you think. Find out what makes her tick and she'll open up faster then you think.
Be nice and gentle, nice kisses and soft touches, build her up and she'll be more then you can handle. I'll send you frenchies guide to sensual massages lol. Dont do the pushing, let her do it.
Another thing real quick, men's fantasies for the most part revolve around things girls "in general" dont even fashion. For the most part, girls will make it happend to please us, not them. Girls have another level mind wise that we dont tap into when it comes to sex. Go in that level, "her" level.
Takes allot of guts to do what your doing and congrats on your efforts and I assure you they will pay off.
I once asked here about anal sex and stuff I had going and before you know it she was the one backing me off to stear Mr.Happy down the dirt road. In the end it didnt work since I'm a bit too big but that wasnt the point, the fact that she did that got my mind off that perticullar point, now that I new she would do it and wanted to try so it made me see past it. It's thanks to the girls and guys here that it happend, they steared me in the right way and gave me diffrerent ideas and it worked or else I would of probably one day tried it on my own and end up hurting her and that would of been 50 times worst for me.
Sorry for the long responces! lol
Best of luck, You can do it!
thickitalian
05-09-2007, 10:50 AM
We cannot find solutions for you J...you are the only one who can because you are the only one who knows what has transpired over time....there could be any number of incidents making the whole...however...if you take a piece of all that is written in response to your issue and also use common sense and your own intelligence...I believe the mix of men and women's opinions from their own personal experiences and your own take on your marriage, will enable you to have an indication of why your wife feels as she does.
There have been some wonderful responses so far and you are with an excellent group of ppl here J...we are far from flirters only....my only advice is to follow your path with her patiently and don't try to see an overnight result. She's confused, she's your wife...and you need to be there for her.
:55 :55 :55
jenny.... very true, very true! Yes, the harder I try the more the turtle goes in the shell. She has communicated to me that she feels inadiquit and or not good enough and she is frustrated on this point. You hit that one on the mark! I do feel more frustrated the more she hides.... I dont try harder to get in the shell when that happends though... I have had conversations with her telling her how I truely feel. I have had 2 sided conversations that are very nice and calm and understanding on both sides. I havn't told her everything... meaning.... what kind of porn I would watch or what REALLY turns me on or what I would REALLY like to do with her in bed. It would overwelm her to say the least.
You say the solution that seems most logical are not always the best.... If the more effort I put into this and the more I try puts her back a step and is not helping... and the less I try or the less I communicate openly about our problem puts her back a step... what is the solution?
Sounds like your saying let it go....
Thanks for your imput jenny. I definitly see where your coming from and agree that the more I try the less she responds..... Just not sure if there really is a solution out there.
Shiane
05-09-2007, 01:11 PM
I wish I had the solution, because if I did there would be a Dr Shiane show and my bank account would rival Oprah's. This is a reoccuring theme on this site, "help my sex life sucks!"
There are many reasons as to why our sex lives suffer in a marriage. I think we get so busy in our lives trying to get a head we put our marriages on the back burner and before long we have more problems than we can shake a stick at.
We assume the relationship we have with our spouse will not change, but over time it does. Of course our relationships change, because we change. In some cases the problem was always there but we had too many other things to worry about. As we all get older and things settle down, the kids grow up, jobs settle into careers, life changes and our attention turns to the inadequacies in our marriages. Those things that we just over looked in years past now haunt us.
We as a society want the best of everything. We want the best schools for our children, the best jobs, a great house, a nice big nest egg, a great retirment plan, a nice car, a perfect little family, a perfect spouse, a perfect parent, a perfect sex life. The truth is life is not perfect, our jobs aren't perfect, our kids aren't perfect, our spouses aren't perfect, our sex lives aren't perfect and certainly not a single one of us here is perfect.
So I have to wonder why do we always have to expect perfection? When we don't get perfection we always want to know how we can manipulate it in order to make it perfect. I believe that perfection doesn't exist in anything, especially life. I believe you can make adjustments so that things are better but to expect perfection is not realistic objective.
If you have been married longer than 30 minutes you have already realized that compromise is probably the most important skill you will have to utilize in order for your marriage to be successful. Don't kid yourself, we all do it day in and day out. Why is compromise in our sex lives so different? He wants, she wants, we want! Our whole life is spent compromising in one way or another from who does the dishes, who gets the oil changed, who pays what bills, who balances the checkbook, who helps with homework on tues evenings, who takes the kids to soccer practice, who works overtime, who takes on more responsibilites at home so the other can take the promotion at work, who does the grocery shopping, who mows the yard, who feeds the dog, who replaces the light bulb, who gets to watch American Idol and who gets to watch the Superbowl. You get my point! Our lives are filled with compromise each and everyday. It may be unspoken, but it is filled with compromise.
The problem that I see is that when it comes to our sex lives we can't agree on a compromise. We say we talk about it but nothing ever really changes. It is the same thing over and over. Men complain that their wives aren't wild cats in bed or they simply are not interested. Wives complain that their husbands are horndogs with sex on the brain 24/7 or vice versa. Our sex lives really don't have much compromise in them if you sit back and really examine them closely. So I have to ask why? Why can't we compromise? I think married couples lack communication skills when it comes to sexual needs, desires, fantasies and the openess and willingness to act upon those desires. We talk to our buddies and our girlfriends about this stuff, but not our spouses and until that changes our sex lives won't.
spare_change
05-09-2007, 02:53 PM
I wish I had the solution, because if I did there would be a Dr Shiane show and my bank account would rival Oprah's. This is a reoccuring theme on this site, "help my sex life sucks!"
There are many reasons as to why our sex lives suffer in a marriage. I think we get so busy in our lives trying to get a head we put our marriages on the back burner and before long we have more problems than we can shake a stick at.
We assume the relationship we have with our spouse will not change, but over time it does. Of course our relationships change, because we change. In some cases the problem was always there but we had too many other things to worry about. As we all get older and things settle down, the kids grow up, jobs settle into careers, life changes and our attention turns to the inadequacies in our marriages. Those things that we just over looked in years past now haunt us.
We as a society want the best of everything. We want the best schools for our children, the best jobs, a great house, a nice big nest egg, a great retirment plan, a nice car, a perfect little family, a perfect spouse, a perfect parent, a perfect sex life. The truth is life is not perfect, our jobs aren't perfect, our kids aren't perfect, our spouses aren't perfect, our sex lives aren't perfect and certainly not a single one of us here is perfect.
So I have to wonder why do we always have to expect perfection? When we don't get perfection we always want to know how we can manipulate it in order to make it perfect. I believe that perfection doesn't exist in anything, especially life. I believe you can make adjustments so that things are better but to expect perfection is not realistic objective.
If you have been married longer than 30 minutes you have already realized that compromise is probably the most important skill you will have to utilize in order for your marriage to be successful. Don't kid yourself, we all do it day in and day out. Why is compromise in our sex lives so different? He wants, she wants, we want! Our whole life is spent compromising in one way or another from who does the dishes, who gets the oil changed, who pays what bills, who balances the checkbook, who helps with homework on tues evenings, who takes the kids to soccer practice, who works overtime, who takes on more responsibilites at home so the other can take the promotion at work, who does the grocery shopping, who mows the yard, who feeds the dog, who replaces the light bulb, who gets to watch American Idol and who gets to watch the Superbowl. You get my point! Our lives are filled with compromise each and everyday. It may be unspoken, but it is filled with compromise.
The problem that I see is that when it comes to our sex lives we can't agree on a compromise. We say we talk about it but nothing ever really changes. It is the same thing over and over. Men complain that their wives aren't wild cats in bed or they simply are not interested. Wives complain that their husbands are horndogs with sex on the brain 24/7 or vice versa. Our sex lives really don't have much compromise in them if you sit back and really examine them closely. So I have to ask why? Why can't we compromise? I think married couples lack communication skills when it comes to sexual needs, desires, fantasies and the openess and willingness to act upon those desires. We talk to our buddies and our girlfriends about this stuff, but not our spouses and until that changes our sex lives won't.
Wow! From the mouths of babes -- and a hot babe, besides.
Interesting - very interesting! You contend that we are willing to compromise in all aspects of our lives except sex. Got to admit -- I never thought of it that way (don't do much thinking -- it gives me a headache!)
But, I think you're right -- we don't compromise in sex. We try to wheedle, embarass, bribe, even shame our partner into seeing it our way. But, we don't compromise.
Why? Maybe sex is a more visceral need than all the other stuff -- after all, it isn't really that important if I drive a mini-van or a sports car, whether we go to the ballgame this weekend or paint the family room. BUT -- a blowjob? Now, THAT is a different story -- you damn right it's important -- to me!
I don't think communication will increase the likelihood that i will forgo BJs for the rest of my life. Once you tell me you don't want to do it, my needs/wants go out the window. It's your way or the highway - and, if, perchance, we compromise (ok, ok, I'll do that disgusting, reviling act on your birthday, but you better not ask for it any other time!) I am still left wanting - unfulfilled -- unsatisfied -- and, most importantly, resentful. Particularly, because you were so willing when we were dating, and now you want to withhold it as punishment for some perceived slight? Damn --no wonder I'm upset.
So, we can't compromise on sex -- it's either your way or my way. What do we do? We can talk about it until we're blue in the face -- and it isn't going to make any difference. You can't believe that I would demand that you do something you obviously feel is so demeaning, and I can't believe that you won't do something that I obviously want so much.
Guess it's always going to be a "bone" of contention, huh?
SexyCowgirl
05-09-2007, 03:27 PM
Wow! Shaine, I think you really nailed it.
But to add to that, I think people who do end up compramising in the bedroom still feel a need unfilled. It is not like when we compramise on what tv show to watch, it is over and done with, and you didn't "need" it in the first place.
I notice on here many peoples needs they are missing in the bedroom are deeper, more emotionally related. And compramising does not end that feeling, or lack there of. It just suppresses it. I am a wildcat in bed, my husband is not. And I compramise, I do what he enjoys. I consistently place my needs second to his in most areas. And look at where I am during the day!
I agree, a compramise is needed, as is discussion regarding it. But just make sure the same person is not the one compramising every time, that leads to trouble too.
gina65
05-09-2007, 03:56 PM
Wow-there are alot of Dr. Phils in here-we all have to admit were all a little selfish when it comes to sex. Be completely honest ladies- "Oh i want to know that i have completely satisfied my man-husband. Yah i want to know that i make him happy in bed but i'll be damned if that is all i am thinking of-How many times have they came & were left frustrated-we can keep going-they can't-not right away anyhow- I'm understanding but please-if it is between him having an O or me-I choose me.
Compromise my ass. Make me happy as much as i do you. Sex is a selfish need that i really love & do not compromise
thickitalian
05-09-2007, 04:00 PM
I don't need to sound like Dr. Phil when I say thank God I didn't marry someone who thinks like you.:whee:
Wow-there are alot of Dr. Phils in here-we all have to admit were all a little selfish when it comes to sex. Be completely honest ladies- "Oh i want to know that i have completely satisfied my man-husband. Yah i want to know that i make him happy in bed but i'll be damned if that is all i am thinking of-How many times have they came & were left frustrated-we can keep going-they can't-not right away anyhow- I'm understanding but please-if it is between him having an O or me-I choose me.
Compromise my ass. Make me happy as much as i do you. Sex is a selfish need that i really love & do not compromise
gina65
05-09-2007, 04:08 PM
Hey don't misunderstand me Thick Italian i love my husband-I work 50 hours a week go home cook dinner-do the dishes do laundry-make his lunch every day for work-take care of all the bills-all he has the garbage. I Give him sex whenever he wants-which is not enough to my needs-by the way- He doesn't want for anything. I am a very warm, very high sexual needing person-I don't think that is too much to ask not to compromise on. So pay attention to the part where i said make me as happy as i do you
spare_change
05-09-2007, 04:26 PM
Gina -- first, welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy your time here.
But, one of the site rules is that you must post your birthdate in your profile. We have ensure that all members are above the age of majority. If you would be so kind ......
My Update.... after reading everyones responces.... bringing to light what I already knew I needed to do as well as taking some of your ideas.... I have made the first step. I was very unselfish last night! I came home yesterday from work with a vase and flowers... I told her how much I loved her..... then I sent her out with a friend to have some drinks while I babysat. Before she got home, I fed and put kiddos in bed, freashly showered, clean shaven, lights off with candles lit around the room, a bottle of wine, soft music in the background and a tube of message oil, with me completly naked waiting for her. I was going to take my time with her and show and tell her how sexy she is and slowly rebuild her confidence........ I got so turned on, I masterbated to The Hooter Girls Challenge show on tv and fell asleep! WOW, was I good!!! Actually she called my cell phone and said she was going to stay out for a couple more hours and nothing happend between us. I did however, have fun with the blonde from Jacksonville FL, her buns, breast and thighs were very tasty! I could say fuck it, stupid bitch... and thats just typical.... and keep getting frustrated. But I am better than that and do want to try.. so. maybe another time.
Anyways
Shiane, Spare, Sexy, and Gina.... first, thanks for you additions... this thread has seemed to turn around and be about you guys and not me anymore! Start your own damn thread! Haha.. Kidding..... And what good points you all make. I think you all touched on different importances, but disagreed with eachother at the same time, only because of your OWN situations. I think that is a key in this discussion. Everyone has different outlook on ther own situation, why it is not working for them. I think you all are on the right subject of SELFISHNESS!! I think that is what a lot (not all) of our problems are about or might be the root cause.
Shaine made a good point about trying to make things perfect, it is a sinceless act and will never be achieved. So, be happy with what you have. But, when I do things, I shoot for the stars. I KNOW I can do better, no matter how good I am. That is what makes me perfect. If I strive for that perfect sex life.... It will be better than yours (not you) in the end. BUT I don't have a perfect, mediocre, or good sex life to begin with. Therefore I can not settle. I don't think (in my situatin) I am asking alot.. Which brings me to Spare...
Spare is right in the since that you can't comprimise cmpletely...... I trade you.... your dildo in the ass for tying me up.. but like I do... I can trade a guys fishing trip for a girls night out. Again.... the comprimise is not in the bedroom.... Which boils back to selfishness. You can't comprimise something that someone wants for the rest of your life, but I do dissagree with spare that you can have that open communication, continuously... Not blue in the face, because that sounds like more headstrong arguements than having open conversations and listening to the other. I think the open communication, which has been talked about since the first post, means, people change and urges and as well as wants. You need to keep that other in tune to what you like and don't like.
So, sexycowgirl says, people (or her) does have comprimise in the bedroom but still feels unfullfilled. I understand this. For instance. I have had communication with my wife that I want things more spicy and more often. So, she asks a simple question of, what would you like me to do.... GREAT step, yes... but I can't answer it. Even if I told her what turns me on when I look at porn or what I fantasize about or all the dirty things you ladies tell me in here..... if she did all that... I don't think it would fulfill my needs. MEANING, its not that she actually gives me a blow job or dresses like a catholic school girl... but wants too! If she did do those things... I would know the comprimise is in play and thats not what she really wants.
*Can you have a Sheep blow up doll cloned with my (someones) wants and needs?
Sexy mentioned shes a wildcat in the bedroom...... um.... damn, I'll keep this innocent and to the subject.... In my experience... Mostly woman are the ones complaining about not getting it enough or not feeling loved enough.... your the first that made that point.... Another topic or poll I guess.
Gina on the other hand sounds like my wife when she says "Sex is a selfish need that i really love & do not compromise" Love your honesty and bluntness! Get what you want and leave the rest for the wolves!!! hehe... My wife is like this... has an orgasm everytime but wants to make no effort into mine. She gets what she wants... Again... the power of pussy.
I DID start this forum expressing my particular love life problem and having the intention that maybe, just maybe, it would help others out as well. I think this is a deep and touchy subject. I am glad to see so many participating in it. Who would of thought all you perverts were actually smart too!! :)
Frenchie
05-09-2007, 05:27 PM
umm ummm
you forgot frenchie bros....
spare_change
05-09-2007, 05:32 PM
umm ummm
you forgot frenchie bros....
well, obviously, that's because he was talking about the SMART perverts........
and we all know you're no pervert!
SexyCowgirl
05-09-2007, 07:36 PM
Jdig, that night with your wife sounded lovely! Just one thing I might add, as I really don't know you relationship, I am guessing here. So no offence intended. But, I know from working with horses and kids, many years of doing things a certain way, may not be undone in a small amount of time. When I work with abused horses, I often say that it takes twice the amount of time to undo what they experienced, as it took for them to experince it.
Women (not that I am suggesting she was abused!) are emotionally similar. Whatever she is feeling, that is causing her to act this way, will take time to undo, and it will take her time to relearn a new way of behaving/treating you.
Patience is key! Good luck, I know you have a good hea don your shoulders and will work something out.
Jdig, that night with your wife sounded lovely! Just one thing I might add, as I really don't know you relationship, I am guessing here. So no offence intended. But, I know from working with horses and kids, many years of doing things a certain way, may not be undone in a small amount of time. When I work with abused horses, I often say that it takes twice the amount of time to undo what they experienced, as it took for them to experince it.
Women (not that I am suggesting she was abused!) are emotionally similar. Whatever she is feeling, that is causing her to act this way, will take time to undo, and it will take her time to relearn a new way of behaving/treating you.
Patience is key! Good luck, I know you have a good hea don your shoulders and will work something out.
Thanks sexy.. I know it will take time and A LOT of patients. Good point you made with your horses. You kind of have to give a lot to get a little at first. Kind of like a stripper.. one dollar doesn't get you anything, but a 20!!! Now thats 4 minutes of pure..... damn I'm broke! Bad example :) I do know the patients needs to be their. I just figured I would give it a try and give her a night she shouldn't forget. Something work out and some don't. I am not heartbroken over it. I am pretty used to this by now. Thanks though!!!!!! Your my angel!
Frenchie
05-09-2007, 08:22 PM
well, obviously, that's because he was talking about the SMART perverts........
and we all know you're no pervert!
lol I'm in the closet thats why lol
Check out thick Italians Avatar lol
Man I should of tought of that lol
he was just talking about Dr. Phill.. funny guy he is!
Shiane
05-10-2007, 09:38 AM
Wow! From the mouths of babes -- and a hot babe, besides.
Interesting - very interesting! You contend that we are willing to compromise in all aspects of our lives except sex. Got to admit -- I never thought of it that way (don't do much thinking -- it gives me a headache!)
But, I think you're right -- we don't compromise in sex. We try to wheedle, embarass, bribe, even shame our partner into seeing it our way. But, we don't compromise.
Why? Maybe sex is a more visceral need than all the other stuff -- after all, it isn't really that important if I drive a mini-van or a sports car, whether we go to the ballgame this weekend or paint the family room. BUT -- a blowjob? Now, THAT is a different story -- you damn right it's important -- to me!
I don't think communication will increase the likelihood that i will forgo BJs for the rest of my life. Once you tell me you don't want to do it, my needs/wants go out the window. It's your way or the highway - and, if, perchance, we compromise (ok, ok, I'll do that disgusting, reviling act on your birthday, but you better not ask for it any other time!) I am still left wanting - unfulfilled -- unsatisfied -- and, most importantly, resentful. Particularly, because you were so willing when we were dating, and now you want to withhold it as punishment for some perceived slight? Damn --no wonder I'm upset.
So, we can't compromise on sex -- it's either your way or my way. What do we do? We can talk about it until we're blue in the face -- and it isn't going to make any difference. You can't believe that I would demand that you do something you obviously feel is so demeaning, and I can't believe that you won't do something that I obviously want so much.
Guess it's always going to be a "bone" of contention, huh?
After being awake over 24 hrs I wasn't really sure this even made sense. But, I still say we don't compromise in our sex lives. I didn't mean that we need to talk about this til the cows come home, we just need to get down to the nuts and bolts of it for once.
We all have had conversations about sex but most of the time our sex lives don't change much. I'm just wondering why don't they change? I mean we all love our spouses right? So why don't we compromise a little?
Selfishness is probably one of the biggest reasons. I've had a busy week at work, I'm tired and I want to go to sleep, I don't want to put forth any extra effort to show him how much I love him. I have spent all day with 3 screaming kids and now you want me to play with you, I don't think so!
I think we all get lazy and complacient in our sex lives. It's easy to do, we all lead such busy lives that most times our sex life comes in last on the priority list.
Last but certainly not least is the bargaining chip. Well he didn't fix the disposal like I asked 3 weeks ago so I'm just not in the mood or I just really don't feel like having sex. Yeah right he wants a friggen blowjob and I can't him out of the lazy boy long enough to fix the dish washer. I know he hates my relatives but since he didn't go to that family reunion on May 17th, 1979 I'm not going to put forth the effort tonight. Honey if you will do this for me I will reward you by doing the nasty tonight.
We get out of life what we put into it. We are all adults and it is time that we stop playing this game with each other. If you love your spouse you should give yourself even when your tired, even when you aren't in the mood, even when he didn't or she didn't do something that they were asked to do. We need to stop using it as a bargaining chip, it's not a reward or a punishment. It is something that will keep us close and keep the bond between us strong. When we play these games the only thing that we are compromising is our marriages! We need to put forth the effort to make love to each other more than once a month. We need to be vulnerable, we need to let ourselves go and be the wildcat in bed. We need to give ourselves to our spouses mind, body and soul.
We need to accept our spouses as they are with all their inadequacies, quirks, and habits that drive us crazy. We need to let by gones be by gones and get on with living. We need to compromise in our marriages instead of compromising our marriages!
spare_change
05-10-2007, 12:11 PM
...............................
We get out of life what we put into it. We are all adults and it is time that we stop playing this game with each other. If you love your spouse you should give yourself even when your tired, even when you aren't in the mood, even when he didn't or she didn't do something that they were asked to do. We need to stop using it as a bargaining chip, it's not a reward or a punishment. It is something that will keep us close and keep the bond between us strong. When we play these games the only thing that we are compromising is our marriages! We need to put forth the effort to make love to each other more than once a month. We need to be vulnerable, we need to let ourselves go and be the wildcat in bed. We need to give ourselves to our spouses mind, body and soul.
We need to accept our spouses as they are with all their inadequacies, quirks, and habits that drive us crazy. We need to let by gones be by gones and get on with living. We need to compromise in our marriages instead of compromising our marriages!
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me?
Was thinking the same thing!
But I disagree with shian in my situation... although, I do feel I get frustrated and don't do something because I didn't get something last night.... (everynow and then this happends, but not a spin cycle in the wash. My effort in the bedroom is a miliion times what hers is. Plain and simple. I couldn't be more non selfish! So, for me... the effort I put into it, I don't and won't get back.
To contradict myself a little..... There are things in everyday life that she puts a million times more effort in that I don't. Vicious cycle.... So, as to what Shian is saying.. maybe I could not be so "selfish" and put more effort into every day things (which is her complaint) and she could put more effort into giving me head more than 2 times a year. Again.... comprimise.... communication.....effort.
SexyCowgirl
05-10-2007, 03:39 PM
Was thinking the same thing!
But I disagree with shian in my situation... although, I do feel I get frustrated and don't do something because I didn't get something last night.... (everynow and then this happends, but not a spin cycle in the wash. My effort in the bedroom is a miliion times what hers is. Plain and simple. I couldn't be more non selfish! So, for me... the effort I put into it, I don't and won't get back.
To contradict myself a little..... There are things in everyday life that she puts a million times more effort in that I don't. Vicious cycle.... So, as to what Shian is saying.. maybe I could not be so "selfish" and put more effort into every day things (which is her complaint) and she could put more effort into giving me head more than 2 times a year. Again.... comprimise.... communication.....effort.
Ok, I am in no way sure this will work, she may just take offence to it. But for a while, I couldn't get my hubby to help me with household stuff, at all. And after ranching for 12-14 hours a day, coming home and cooking, doing laundry and cleaning was exhausting. Anywho, I made a deal with my husband (he's such a child sometimes;)) and traded chores for sexual favors. Like, washing, folding and putting away a load of laudry got him a blowjob on the couch. And cooking dinner, and making lunch for the next day earned him whatever he wanted. Ect.
It didn't work forever, turns out it took me more energy to do the sexual favor then it did just to do the work myself:) And, he started slacking on the work, like washing a pair of pants, and calling it a load of laundry! LOL!
But for a few months, it did help a fair amount, ifin no way then he at least was pretending to help, which I appreciated in itself.
Also, just a warning, but after a few years of shouldering all the household chores, as well as being expected to help with all the manly fix-it stuff, I got fed up. And while the sex never left, I quite doing anything around the house for like, six months. Now my husband has a great appreciation for how much additional work it is, he couldn't keep the house up, he barely kept it decent, and he worked fewer hours then me too. So anyways, help out, or you may find it all your problem!
Gosh, that makes me appreciate how patient my husband is, he takes all my shit in stride;) What a good man!
What a good idea to "trade services" Sounds like it would work VERY well for me!! :) Now if I made that deal with you... it wouldn't work because you know you could get it done with half the effort and still not have to swallow the one eyed snake. Plus a woman like you would make me do the household chores and then please you! Your husband IS a good man!
SexyCowgirl
05-10-2007, 03:55 PM
What a good idea to "trade services" Sounds like it would work VERY well for me!! :) Now if I made that deal with you... it wouldn't work because you know you could get it done with half the effort and still not have to swallow the one eyed snake. Plus a woman like you would make me do the household chores and then please you! Your husband IS a good man!
He is a very good man:) But, these days I do not work so hard, and watching a man struggle with folding the laundry may be amusing enough to make it well worth swallowing the "one eyed snake" :D
And, I am not quite so cruel as to make you do all the work, and please me when you are done. I understand how hard it is, and if you did all the work, I garuntee the rest I had would earn you a lot of fun:lf
Ever thought maybe I wouldn't mind doing the work AND pleasing you... Okay okay...twist my arm already... I'll let you do the pleasing after you see the amusment in my bunn cake.
Shiane
05-10-2007, 04:07 PM
Was thinking the same thing!
But I disagree with shiane in my situation... although, I do feel I get frustrated and don't do something because I didn't get something last night.... (BARGAINING CHIP EXAMPLE!!) everynow and then this happends, but not a spin cycle in the wash. My effort in the bedroom is a miliion times what hers is. Plain and simple. I couldn't be more non selfish! So, for me... the effort I put into it, I don't and won't get back.
To contradict myself a little..... There are things in everyday life that she puts a million times more effort in that I don't. Vicious cycle.... So, as to what Shiane is saying.. maybe I could not be so "selfish" and put more effort into every day things (which is her complaint)
(SELFISHNESS & the old BARGAINING CHIP AGAIN)
and she could put more effort into giving me head more than 2 times a year. Again.... comprimise.... communication.....effort.
:sc Hmmmmm you disagree with me, yet you just proved my point! ;)
Things will never improve until sex is no longer as a bargaining chip and selfishness is replaced by selflessness.
But, what do I know I'm not Dr Phil!
SexyCowgirl
05-10-2007, 04:09 PM
Actually, the thought never occured to me! Now, use that on your wife;)
If my husband does chores, and wants to please me afterwards, I know I'm being a really big bitch:lmao poor guy!
Well, I hope things work out well for ya, good luck with your wife!
Shiane
05-10-2007, 04:12 PM
Will you marry me?
Sure hun, I'll be moving to Utah next month! :kk
Two's company, but three is just plain fun! :D
GeekMaster
05-10-2007, 04:16 PM
Sure hun, I'll be moving to Utah next month! :kk
Two's company, but three is just plain fun! :D
Can I join the list??? You are a treasure beyond measure...:knuddel: and I am glad that I have the chance to know you and call you friend... (someday maybe more??);)
:sc Hmmmmm you disagree with me, yet you just proved my point! ;)
Things will never improve until sex is no longer as a bargaining chip and selfishness is replaced by selflessness.
But, what do I know I'm not Dr Phil!
Great work on the highlights!!! I am impressed. Actually I didn't mean to prove your point.. What I meant to say is.. YES I am guilty (slightly) of not doing something because she doesn't do something else. It doesn't happen too often though. And when I was saying maybe I could do a lot more to help her out with the things I don't do..... I TRULY meant that in a selflessness act, not thinking I would get something out of it. If I do... great, but not the reason for the effort.
Shiane
05-10-2007, 04:31 PM
Can I join the list??? You are a treasure beyond measure...:knuddel: and I am glad that I have the chance to know you and call you friend... (someday maybe more??);)
Oh hell why not, Utah is a big place, besides I will need a tax expert. Should I claim married and filing jointly or married, married, married and filing jointly?:whee:
Damn now I wonder how all that works, who files as head of household? I bet they get audited all the time because some IRS agent has hopes of seeing a real legal orgy lol!;) :D
Aww Geekster, you are a sweetie! :kk
Shiane
05-10-2007, 04:39 PM
Great work on the highlights!!! I am impressed. Actually I didn't mean to prove your point.. What I meant to say is.. YES I am guilty (slightly) of not doing something because she doesn't do something else. It doesn't happen too often though. And when I was saying maybe I could do a lot more to help her out with the things I don't do..... I TRULY meant that in a selflessness act, not thinking I would get something out of it. If I do... great, but not the reason for the effort.
I really hope things work out well for you. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I think we're ALL guilty of doing this sometimes, me included. I realized a long time ago that this wasn't a effective marriage tool, atleast not for me. Good Luck hun!
I really hope things work out well for you. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I think we're ALL guilty of doing this sometimes, me included. I realized a long time ago that this wasn't a effective marriage tool, atleast not for me. Good Luck hun!
Oh they always work out, even if its hard and difficult. No one said life was easy right. Now all I need to do is find a sexy woman to flirt with me untill things get better...... Hummm...
VAmarine
06-01-2007, 04:25 AM
I totally feel your pain Jdig. My wife is a traditionalist in the bedroom. She only likes missionary and nothing else. I have tried toys, with no success. She won't even talk about. I have been dealing with this for seven years and don't know how much longer I can hold out. I have all of these fetishes running through my mind and no way to let them out for fear of making her feel uncomfortable (she might think I am a weirdo).
Penny
06-01-2007, 10:24 AM
She dont know what she is missing,
I totally feel your pain Jdig. My wife is a traditionalist in the bedroom. She only likes missionary and nothing else. I have tried toys, with no success. She won't even talk about. I have been dealing with this for seven years and don't know how much longer I can hold out. I have all of these fetishes running through my mind and no way to let them out for fear of making her feel uncomfortable (she might think I am a weirdo).
pointofnoreturn
06-01-2007, 02:31 PM
Yes, it is quite the story. If I would have givin details all all of it... wow... So to anser your question.... yes, I have put much effort into fixing this about my wife. I have had numerous conversations with her telling her how I feel. (Not a give me more ass converstaion) but true genuin conversations. I have bought her simple sex toys... I have picked up some educational sex books such as one was different positions and the other was more or less about Kama Sutra and the emotional pleasures of sex and making love. To awnswer your question diectly..... she is not comfortable trying things out, she feels weird and doesn't even like talking about it. She is just like a "typical" male that loves the wam bam thank you mam.My husband is uncomfortable talking to me about sex. If I bring it up..He usually walks out of the door. I do know how you feel jdig. I think a lot of us are looking for the answers. I don't know if there are any. But what the heck..Enjoy the ride while you still can...;)
jake1875
06-01-2007, 02:47 PM
Hi Jazzy
WandaRing
09-15-2007, 01:02 AM
I am writing because of the inspiration from everyones willing to open up and share their lives. A member named Shortnsexy kind of hit it for me, from one of her posts.... so thanks Shortnsexy.
Married but looking, what an interesting topic and a deep one at that, Some that like the thought but are not quite sure of what they are getting into. I think I am going to dive right into and share some of my experiences with you all and hope this gives some light on the subject. I am not a writer so here it goes. I am new to the site and have a total of four posts so my openess is taking a lot of courage and talking to a bunch of strangers is kind of like theropy... but heres to living life and my experiences. This is not to discourage this site or any members on it, and it is not to promote the subject in any way. I am a normal guy, living life the best I can and hope that my story helps you all out is some way.
My background... I have loved in the past and have had great girlfriends. I am a very caring person and really do try in a realationship. I am a Nice guy that finishes last. I am they guy that woman post personal ads about saying the are looking for "everything perfect" in a guy. Not to sound conceded, I do have major faults and that is why I am writing. I grew up fast and was with a lot of people that didn't care about me like I did them. I finally was in a situation (horrible) having a kid with a one time thing etc.. I was on drugs and had 6 warrents for my arrest... all traffic but I was at the bottom of my barrel... Thats when I met my wife. She was my saviour. She opened up windows of opertunity to me that I never saw.. I don't want to get into to many details with this so i will give enought to make my point during my story. She was the first woman to care about me and be as interested in me as I was with others. She was my match. Well, we have lived togather for 9 years and been married for 6 and have a beautiful family. She is EVERYTHING a man could want besides one thing. (will get to it) Successful, gorgious, educated with a bachlors, 2 minors, masters and on her way to become a doctor at an elite school. How was I to be so lucky? Well, stopping being modest.... I bring a lot to the table as well..... anyways now that the background its there.. on to the topic...
I can only complain about one thing..... Sex... my wife excells on EVERYTHING in life but someone forgot to giver her the gift of sexuallity. That is where we differ. I am the most sexual person out there.. (I feel) I will try almost anything, I will do almost anything.... (not in a sick way)... I am a very sesual person that enjoys everything about the 3 letter word. I am every girls fantacy. I enjoy 4 play like no other. I love to be non selfish in bed and do whatever it takes to make my woman have the best orgasm she has ever had every single time. I will always fail but its always fun for her when I try. I am turned on by the woman being turned on. My favorite thing to do to a woman is please her orally or make love to her from behind giving her the best backrub she has ever had at the same time. (YOU should try this one boys and girls!) I would do ANYTHING just to make sure my woman is enjoying themselves. I thought when I got married that that was something that we could build on and our sexuality would grow togather. I figured thats where the word comprimise would come into the marriage eventually. Things didn't change.
Needless to say, I am like most of you that is on this site.. I love to flirt, I love to open the envelope. I express my self this way becuase of the lack of sexuallity at home. I mean elementary sex. No experience... no changes... no spice... this is how bad it is... my wife doesn't like me to give her oral because she thinks it gross and discusting... its like I am married to a woman that was born in the era of the 50's. So... my flirtatios ways moved to the next level eventually. I finally decided that I would have an affair and do it with no intention other that to solve my sexual desires. It was wierd the first time... but I got over it and figured it was just the rookie blues. So I did it again to achieve my original goal of seeing if I could be sexualy satisfied. The second time was better but still not quite there. So I decided to solve my kinky side and have a threesome with a married couple. I decided if I was cheating on my wife I might as well go for gold right...? Wild and fun times!! Always safe because I do still care about my family as well as myself......Needless to say 6 months later and and all of the affairs I am still not completly satisfied. Sure, I did have some fun times and tried many new things and connected sexually with some hot woman... It still didn't do what I thought it would do for me. The ones I did have an affair with were married as well and I went that dirrection because I knew they had just as much to loose as I did and they were in the same situation. So, I thought maybe that was the problem. The woman wasn't giving me her all and was using me as much as I was using her.... so i went a slightly different direction... I found a woman that was single that would give me her all, the sex, the emotions the everything. I went out of town on a business trip and had talked with this girl for a couple months and lied and said I was a single guy. Putting just as much emotion and effort into it as she did. I flew to the busiess trip and spent 4 incredible days and nights with her. I had the best time of my life! All expences paid... high dollar drinks... fabulous food.... I literally gave her my all. Emotionally and physically. I had some VERY deep conversations and connected very well with her and had the best sexual experiences I had ever had! I honestly felt like I was falling for her in a mier 3 days and she was feeling the exact same way but worse. As soon as it was all perfect, I jumped back to reality and I flew back to my hometown and spent the entire weekend thinking about my incredible fantacy I just lived.
Needless to say I had a depressing weekend. Not only was I feeling incredibly bad that I have just led this absolutly beautiful and wonderful woman on to thinking I am this sencere gentalman that has a wonderful single life, but I also was feeling horrilbe to come home to my excited wife to see me... One more thing that was going through my mind.... Not only did I just lie and decieve a nice girl that deserves nothing but greatness in her life and not only did I just lie and decieve my wife by spend the time of my life with another woman, more importantly... I had been lying and decieving myself the entire time. I had been chasing this dream of having wild, crazy, sex with beautiful woman (which I did) but at the same time I wasn't able to give my heart and soul either. For me to fill that void, I had to do both. And I just couldn't do that. I still love my wife VERY much. The only way to get what I ultimatly wanted was to become single again and play the field. Be single again and take all my exsperiences and run with the wild wolves. Ruining all the hard work that I put into having a great relationship and a wonder home. Was my sexual desires worth losing all that I had become? Where am I now with all of this you ask... did I settle with my sexual desires and just be happy with my wife? Did I seperate from her and got all the "strange" I ever wanted and delt with the consiquinces later? Did I figure out a way to have my cake and eat it too?
Jdig
Jdig, I think I can understand your feelings and frustrations and I have learned not to judge anyone, least I be judged and one day I will be. After 16 years of a sexless marriage and being in a relationship more like siblings then husband and wife and all the crap he has done to me throughout our marriage, I finally called him on it and told him I wanted out. Unlike your wife, all he cared about was his own needs, at a time when I needed him to be strong and encouraging, he chose to bully me into allowing him to have sex with others, I was too tired and sick to fight him or to leave our marriage.
I think and what I am finding now is, sex is a strong physical and sometimes an emotional urge and the more we think about it or we are denied it, the more larger it becomes (no pun intended here), in our minds. It takes over our thoughts and becomes a force to be reckoned with.
I have ended up on a wed site for married people who are looking for anything from friends to hooking up or a long term relationship. I have met several guys (about 7, all married) and three of them want to have a long term relationship with me even though I am leaving my marriage.
I thought I was the type of person who would never consider having an affair, but here I am trying to make up my mind if I want to see them and possibly brake up their marriages or just walk away with nothing. I have met several single guys but they all said the same thing, wait until after you leave the marriage and have settled down, because they felt that they would be hurt if I went back to my husband.
I feel stuck, I want a sexual and physical connection with a man and experience the sexual stuff I have missed out on, so now I sit at my crossroads trying to figure out my way.
69luvrboy
09-20-2007, 07:07 PM
Annie, sorry to hear about your marriage. It is unfortunate that you invested so much of yourself in a failed attempt to keep yours together. You can see from my info that I live near you. I used to be very popular with girls from your country, because I was unlike the Canadian Male. No offense to the guys up north, but they treat their lady friends differently. I was just being myself, and had a lot of fun over the years. I hope you find someone who will treat you with the sensitivity and respect you deserve. You are still young enough to share many years with someone. Go for it.
Jdig, I think I can understand your feelings and frustrations and I have learned not to judge anyone, least I be judged and one day I will be. After 16 years of a sexless marriage and being in a relationship more like siblings then husband and wife and all the crap he has done to me throughout our marriage, I finally called him on it and told him I wanted out. Unlike your wife, all he cared about was his own needs, at a time when I needed him to be strong and encouraging, he chose to bully me into allowing him to have sex with others, I was too tired and sick to fight him or to leave our marriage.
I think and what I am finding now is, sex is a strong physical and sometimes an emotional urge and the more we think about it or we are denied it, the more larger it becomes (no pun intended here), in our minds. It takes over our thoughts and becomes a force to be reckoned with.
I have ended up on a wed site for married people who are looking for anything from friends to hooking up or a long term relationship. I have met several guys (about 7, all married) and three of them want to have a long term relationship with me even though I am leaving my marriage.
I thought I was the type of person who would never consider having an affair, but here I am trying to make up my mind if I want to see them and possibly brake up their marriages or just walk away with nothing. I have met several single guys but they all said the same thing, wait until after you leave the marriage and have settled down, because they felt that they would be hurt if I went back to my husband.
I feel stuck, I want a sexual and physical connection with a man and experience the sexual stuff I have missed out on, so now I sit at my crossroads trying to figure out my way.
Annie, I thought I responded but it looks like I havn't.
A couple questions for you.... It seems to me that your at an interesting crossroad and Im not sure how to respond..... It sounds like youve made the decision to leave... Have you not left yet? You are "planning" and connecting with other married and non married people about long term arelationships when you are still in one. My advice on this subject...... Go with one thing at a time, If you have not left yet and you have decided to.... go with that first.. Then work on other relationships that might have potential. I think the clouds will clear for you... especially the single men that want you to leave first, it will solve that issue.
Second... In your last paragraph you kind of restated your problem at the moment, or your cross road if you will. Maybe you were done with your post and just typing to get it done, but I saw nothing in that problem that had to do with love and spending an eternity with someone for better or worse. It was about you needing sexual frustrations and needs to be taken care of because of lack through your marriage. In all honesty... if THIS is the problem, I think a lot of us here would envey you.... Alot of us wish we were in your position because you have left and all you want is physical touch and satisfaction which most of us are not happy with where we are and only wish we had the courage to "leave". If you need some advice on where to get that physical sexual need. Look at the person that replied to you.... He told you he lived close, told you what a nice guy he was, and showed concern for your issue. BAM Your fucking like a rabbit in a few short hours! All you need to do is see if he has posted in the thread of "How far will you travel to get laid"!
I'm kidding to both of you. Really, with men.... Physical satisfaction isn't a problem for a woman at any age. REALLY I have seen it all. But still not sure what your issue and problem is....
Is it, that you havn't left and keep talking about it?
Is it, you know what you need to do, but still holding by a thread when you look at him?
Is it, you NEED, for some reason, to jump right into another relationship?
Is it, you need that good hard animal sex that you crave every day with the people you talk to online?
Again, thanks for your responce and don't mean to sound like Im coming down on you or questioning, your problem, by god Im the last one that should question..... but hopefully this brings light and clears things up for you. Feel free to respond, I would love to hear and update!
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