Lies

[spare_change]

Are lies part of your arsenal?

Do you lie? What about? Little lies? Big lies? Lies so that someone's feelings won't be hurt?

When is it acceptable, and when isn't it?

Tell us the last lie you told.

[scoobertina]

I try not to lie... It only hurts people.. now I have been known to fib once in a while, but more so to flatter someone. Yes, that dress is very nice and you would look well in... It wasn't exactly a lie, but I wish she would have taken the other dress......

[Dsparate Hswife]

I only lie by omission...Not that it is okay to do so...I just don't have the heart to tell someone something that is not true...So, I just don't tell them at all. I don't know if this is a good quality to have while I am just getting acquainted with the internet. :sc

[spare_change]

I only lie by omission...Not that it is okay to do so...I just don't have the heart to tell someone something that is not true...So, I just don't tell them at all. I don't know if this is a good quality to have while I am just getting acquainted with the internet. :sc


I suspect it is an essential quality when getting acquainted on the Internet.

Your lies of ommission -- do they come back to haunt you? Are you always found out? (I am -- i'm convinced there is a cosmic judge who always makes sure I'm not getting any advantage by lying!)

[Dsparate Hswife]

I always fess up!! I have this horrible ailment that does not allow for immorality or, as some might call it...fun. It is called a conscious. I always admit to the omission because I cannot live with myself.

[PlayfulMale69]

I always fess up!! I have this horrible ailment that does not allow for immorality or, as some might call it...fun. It is called a conscious. I always admit to the omission because I cannot live with myself.

Oh, but the make up sex after fessing up can be so much fun! LOL

I don't mean to belittle the question. I do beleive there is honesty that is helpful and honesty that is hurtful. It all depends on the relationship I have with the person. For example, I can tell someone I know reallly well that they have bad breath, where I might just offer gum or a mint to those that I don't konw.

So the answer for me it is just depends! How is that for sticking to my guns. LOL

[Dsparate Hswife]

Unfortunately, my husband is no longer interested in sex after our son was born. (I thought I was the one that was supposed to have the low sex drive)!! :cry: Anywho, I think it is good that you are honest Playful!!

[p.J]

Huge bald face whoppers have a habit of turning around and biting you on the ass!!!


However, not all lies are harmful, I told my husband that the trampoline I bought yesterday was 100 quid less than I paid, well bollocks obviously... but a lie nevertheless!

Boring eh? O hum...

[peaches]

Oh, but the make up sex after fessing up can be so much fun! LOL

I don't mean to belittle the question. I do beleive there is honesty that is helpful and honesty that is hurtful. It all depends on the relationship I have with the person. For example, I can tell someone I know reallly well that they have bad breath, where I might just offer gum or a mint to those that I don't konw.

So the answer for me it is just depends! How is that for sticking to my guns. LOL
I think very well ....and I see where you are coming from...I think we all do from not hurting anyone to jujst not being truthful to yourself, which indeed is lieing...to yourself. So in fact we all do...the last time, I'm not sure...

[Cotties]

I've been in the education business for a while.....I have always found it best to lie to a child's parents.........parents can be so ignorant Are lies part of your arsenal?

Do you lie? What about? Little lies? Big lies? Lies so that someone's feelings won't be hurt?

When is it acceptable, and when isn't it?

Tell us the last lie you told.

[Amaretto]

I try to be as absolutely open and honest as possible. If someone is trying to get to know me, here or in real life, and I put up pretenses, no solid relationship could ever form. Lying to deceive or to hurt....there is no place for that in my life.


Now, little fibs to pull off a surprise party, or just smiling and saying you're fine when the clerk asks, even though you have a headache, or whatever.....to me, those don't even count as lies. They are for the good of the other person, not to hurt.

I'm a wide open book

(oh-oh, I think I predict some comments about describing myself as "wide open")

:eek:

[Parkergrey]

I try to be as absolutely open and honest as possible. If someone is trying to get to know me, here or in real life, and I put up pretenses, no solid relationship could ever form. Lying to deceive or to hurt....there is no place for that in my life.


Now, little fibs to pull off a surprise party, or just smiling and saying you're fine when the clerk asks, even though you have a headache, or whatever.....to me, those don't even count as lies. They are for the good of the other person, not to hurt.

I'm a wide open book

(oh-oh, I think I predict some comments about describing myself as "wide open")

:eek:

Finally, a book has hit the shelves that is a "must read" for me. I hear it is a real page-turner and is sure to hit the best seller list soon. I'm just not sure if its a suspense thriller or a romance novel! ;)

[Frenchie]

I try not too, usually it comes back from the dark side lol

When I have too it's for something I keep for myself, like here! lol

[spare_change]

So ..... are lies a necessary requirement for today's polite society?

Lying to yourself --- is that necessary? Is it how we live with ourselves, or with our situation, by pretending it's something it ain't?

We lie to avoid confrontation (100 quid less????), we lie to be polite, and we lie to ourselves????

[p.J]

So ..... are lies a necessary requirement for today's polite society?

Lying to yourself --- is that necessary? Is it how we live with ourselves, or with our situation, by pretending it's something it ain't?

We lie to avoid confrontation (100 quid less????), we lie to be polite, and we lie to ourselves????


ah well now you are getting down to the nitty gritty aspect of lying... yes i think it is a necessary requirement ... Political correctness has seen to that!When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity.

[Shiane]

So ..... are lies a necessary requirement for today's polite society?


More of a necessary evil. In today's world of political correctness, being polite is shoved down our throats everywhere we turn. We avoid the truth too much.

[sparkle889beach]

Lying to oneself, specially feelings, can be because one is in denial...that's more often me

Lying by omission is another thing I do...sometimes, I don't think you have to say everything if it is not asked...In court,when you witness, the less said the better.

But if asked, YES or NO, or a direct question, I would tell the truth, and either rationalize or intellectualize...but not project to someone else.

Saying 'Sorry', is another lie, because probably that person will do it again.:)

[sparkle889beach]

With regards to BUSINESS-----numbers don't lie, you'll find the trail along the way...I would like a partner who does not lie..

Trump did mention, before starting a business, he plays golf with that person, if that person cheated when he knew no one was looking, then Trump knows he cannot trust that person.

On the other hand, people in the Marketing world and Insurance would give you the truth, but with a lot of stuff omitted...

This is an interesting thread...
The responses bring out the truth in almost everyone.

[yaser]

With regards to BUSINESS-----numbers don't lie, you'll find the trail along the way...I would like a partner who does not lie..

Trump did mention, before starting a business, he plays golf with that person, if that person cheated when he knew no one was looking, then Trump knows he cannot trust that person.

On the other hand, people in the Marketing world and Insurance would give you the truth, but with a lot of stuff omitted...

This is an interesting thread...
The responses bring out the truth in almost everyone.
Sparkle I believe it is the best policy to be honest to oneself and others..Are you truely honest to yourself?

[sparkle889beach]

Sparkle I believe it is the best policy to be honest to oneself and others..Are you truely honest to yourself?

As I mentioned, I use DENIAL often, more to myself than to others.
No Yasar, I never said I was.:wa: Its really upto the person to read between the lines, when it comes to relating with me...:kk

[yaser]

As I mentioned, I use DENIAL often, more to myself than to others.
No Yasar, I never said I was.:wa: Its really upto the person to read between the lines, when it comes to relating with me...:kk
Sparkle sometimes we find ourselves forced to decide but we may not be ready to do so because we think that we cannot cope the worst scenario...What is the worst scenario and can you cope with it?

[sparkle889beach]

Sparkle sometimes we find ourselves forced to decide but we may not be ready to do so because we think that we cannot cope the worst scenario...What is the worst scenario and can you cope with it?


Worst Scenario is IF my hubby cheats on me...I don't know, maybe I'll give him some of my properties and have an amicable settlement...


I will also ask the children their opinion and feelings of the situation, in a less vivid manner, they are a part of the family,too. :)

[yaser]

Worst Scenario is IF my hubby cheats on me...I don't know, maybe I'll give him some of my properties and have an amicable settlement...


I will also ask the children their opinion and feelings of the situation, in a less vivid manner, they are a part of the family,too. :) Please think that divorcing is your problem not theirs.They will not divorce from their father..
No, the worst scenario?To divorce?What can you do after the divorce?Can you stand alone?

[Penny]

Smart :)



I only lie by omission...Not that it is okay to do so...I just don't have the heart to tell someone something that is not true...So, I just don't tell them at all. I don't know if this is a good quality to have while I am just getting acquainted with the internet. :sc

[Milk]

I say i'm always honest. But if i really think about it, i do lie about some things. For example, if i need some emotional space i tell a guy i have to do stuff with my kids. I find ways to say i'm busy when i don't have the energy to deal with somebody. I let guys think they are the only one.

[hank69]

If I live in a trailer..... would it be a lie if I said I was camping?

[pointofnoreturn]

Are lies part of your arsenal?

Do you lie? What about? Little lies? Big lies? Lies so that someone's feelings won't be hurt?

When is it acceptable, and when isn't it?

Tell us the last lie you told.My sister called, and I told her I was cleaning the bathroom so I could not talk with her. I was actually on this site...;)

[MIGHTY]

I like to think I tell small white lies......to give a compliment or make someone believe there is something better.......but I am a horrible liar. Those who know me know this very well. I pride myself on my honesty and, again, those who know me say that this is one of my best traits.

[OICurready4me]

I like to think I tell small white lies......to give a compliment or make someone believe there is something better.......but I am a horrible liar. Those who know me know this very well. I pride myself on my honesty and, again, those who know me say that this is one of my best traits.


without a doubt...you are incredibly honest, baby

[MCat]

If I live in a trailer..... would it be a lie if I said I was camping?

Excuse me...I've been told its a modular...there's a difference :D

We do have a bonfire now and then...roast weinies and marshmallows...that's kind of camping...:55

[dave42]

I make a terrible liar, If I am not asked I will not tell. If it is a yes or no question I will tell the truth. About as far as I will go is withholding of information Not quite the same as lying but probably close.

[fondew2004]

Words have specific meanings.....in particular, the written word.

When words say specifically one thing, but actions are the direct opposite of the unequivical <sp?> meaning of the words, then we either have a case of "spin" (just read most of the tripe our MSM puts out) or at least an unintentional lie.

Whichever it winds up being, it can cause pain to the reader/hearer.

[Danso]

Most people lie for one simple reason: they are afraid. Get over your fears and you will find that life is much easier when you are telling the truth. Understand that fear motivates your lies and you will have power over it, rather than it having power over you.

Consider the incantation used by the Bene Gesserit:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

[glamourgirl]

I cant lie

first because i giggle like a schoolgirl when i do....
second i forget what I lied about, what lie i told and why i told it and to whom... so id does me no good anyway...

truth is i wish i could!
i wish i could lie or fake it or just say what people want to hear...
to make them feel better sometimes, but i cant.
WYSIWUG...
and i do hate to hurt people

[yaser]

I cant lie

first because i giggle like a schoolgirl when i do....
second i forget what I lied about, what lie i told and why i told it and to whom... so id does me no good anyway...

truth is i wish i could!
i wish i could lie or fake it or just say what people want to hear...
to make them feel better sometimes, but i cant.
WYSIWUG...
and i do hate to hurt people

A lie invites another lie,Glam.Truth is always safer.

[glamourgirl]

A lie invites another lie,Glam.Truth is always safer.
I know handsome....
and I agree its best to never start!

[Fwd40s]

And truth is much easier to keep track of for us mentally strained and over stressed folks.

[Barkiss]

Too many good people in my life to allow the liars and bullshit artists to be a part of it. I've been burnt by liars and have no tolerance for their kind.

[fly]

Most people lie for one simple reason: they are afraid. Get over your fears and you will find that life is much easier when you are telling the truth. Understand that fear motivates your lies and you will have power over it, rather than it having power over you.

Consider the incantation used by the Bene Gesserit:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I disagree..... In my experience most people lie out of pure selfishness.

[JumpingJack]

I gotta agree with flybabe on this one.
Who knew that a blonde could have meaningful insights?
Just Kidding flybabe!

[One Song Hero]

Most people lie for one simple reason: they are afraid.


I disagree..... In my experience most people lie out of pure selfishness.
Sorry, fly, this time I have to side with Danso. More likely, at least for me, I will lie to avoid an unpleasant outcome, not to enhance something beyond a neutral or even likable state.

Actually, I'm not really disagreeing with you, fly, because most human actions can be traced to some form of selfishness. If what Mother Teresa does makes her feel good (or her objective is to do God's work so she can spend eternity in heaven), isn't that acting on her own behalf? I mean no disrespect to her (or to you) in making my point, of course.

The avoidance of fear can be considered selfish, they're not mutually exclusive, that's all I'm saying.

Btw, I was recently involved in the planning of a surprise party, and thus there was lying (fibbing, whatever) involved. In encouraging an extremely devout Christian relative to bend the truth in order to keep the party a surprise (for the guest of honour), I tried to spin the telling of our little mistruths to be merely the temporary suspension of honesty for the purpose of creating a universally positive outcome (to make everyone concerned happy at some clearly established time in the not too distant future). I think she bought it.

[daisyduck]

i dont like being lied to so i dont lie to other people. i tell them like it is.

[glamourgirl]

Too many good people in my life to allow the liars and bullshit artists to be a part of it. I've been burnt by liars and have no tolerance for their kind.

Well said!

I completely agree.... just wish i can find words like that to express my heart!

[fly]

Sorry, fly, this time I have to side with Danso. More likely, at least for me, I will lie to avoid an unpleasant outcome, not to enhance something beyond a neutral or even likable state.

Actually, I'm not really disagreeing with you, fly, because most human actions can be traced to some form of selfishness. If what Mother Teresa does makes her feel good (or her objective is to do God's work so she can spend eternity in heaven), isn't that acting on her own behalf? I mean no disrespect to her (or to you) in making my point, of course.

The avoidance of fear can be considered selfish, they're not mutually exclusive, that's all I'm saying.

Btw, I was recently involved in the planning of a surprise party, and thus there was lying (fibbing, whatever) involved. In encouraging an extremely devout Christian relative to bend the truth in order to keep the party a surprise (for the guest of honour), I tried to spin the telling of our little mistruths to be merely the temporary suspension of honesty for the purpose of creating a universally positive outcome (to make everyone concerned happy at some clearly established time in the not too distant future). I think she bought it.

Lying to avoid an upleasant outcome IS a selfish act no?
It means I KNOW how you feel about what I'm going to do or what I DID do but I'm going to do it anyways beacuse I WANT TOO. Then because I don't want you to get mad or upset or to cause a fight I'm going to tell you what you want to hear and thus avoid the consequences of my actions.

Fear to me is being afraid when my child is sick. Watching a loved one die slowly and being afraid the same thing will happen to me. Fear is being in a car wreck where you should have died and walking away.
I find it hard to think that lies come from TRUE fear.
I think MOST lies come from utterly selfish motives.
Or denial.
not wanting to accept responsibility for your actions.
wanting to "avoid" the consequences whatever they may be.
is that fear?
maybe........but not TRUE fear.
it's a selfish reaction to a selfish action.

[gdgrlgnbd]

Even tho it is hard to admit, I have to agree with fly to some degree. I have been there, done that. Felt like shit afterward, too. Being here, online is a big lie. Selfish indeed. Just like she said, I know I am doing something wrong and am doing it anyway.

But, I have lied or stretched the truth to protect someone before. (not myself) So, I don't think there is a black and white here. There are many differentials, not necessarily excuses.

[One Song Hero]

Lying to avoid an upleasant outcome IS a selfish act no?

It means I KNOW how you feel about what I'm going to do or what I DID do but I'm going to do it anyways beacuse I WANT TOO. Then because I don't want you to get mad or upset or to cause a fight I'm going to tell you what you want to hear and thus avoid the consequences of my actions.

Fear to me is being afraid when my child is sick. Watching a loved one die slowly and being afraid the same thing will happen to me. Fear is being in a car wreck where you should have died and walking away.
I find it hard to think that lies come from TRUE fear.
I think MOST lies come from utterly selfish motives.
Or denial.
not wanting to accept responsibility for your actions.
wanting to "avoid" the consequences whatever they may be.
is that fear?
maybe........but not TRUE fear.
it's a selfish reaction to a selfish action.


Alright (and thank you for replying). I understand and agree with you more than I disagree, fly. I guess the fear I was speaking of was more a fear of reprisal, or the fear of adverse consequences either to one's self or to others. There are deep seeded fears like the ones you've described, and there are more mild forms which I believe still qualify as 'fears'.

Please note that the avoidance of consequences is not necessarily a selfish undertaking. If I flat out tell a loved one who just suffered a heart attack while operating a motor vehicle that they killed a pedestrian, when asked by them if anyone else was hurt in the crash, lying to avoid a possible immediate and serious medical complication (an unpleasant outcome) would probably not be considered selfish.

Also in rebuttal, although I would like to believe and state that more lies are told for unselfish reasons than selfish (okay, that statement would be false, I admit it), instead I will take acception to the intensity you have repeatedly affixed to the intent of the average liar to lie for purely selfish or utterly selfish reasons. I believe in most people lying is a second choice (honesty being the first); it's something they resort to because there are usually several reasons not to tell the truth, some of those being selfish and some likely not. If, in my childhood, I were to lie about breaking my mother's favorite vase, part of my motivation might be to avoid punishment and part might very well be the desire not to make her unhappy because someone she loves has disappointed her. [Sorry, fly, there is simply a limit to my cynicism; I like to fall somewhere nicely between blissful naivety and stark jadedness.]

The term liar, for me, has a dual meaning. In the transient sense, a liar is someone who has ownership of a specific lie. When referring to that particular lie, that person is the liar (and thus he or she is, in the immediate sense, a liar). In the perpetual sense, someone who is a liar (that is, someone who deserves the lasting label of 'liar') is an individual who lies repeatedly for sport with little or no conscience or remorse or someone to which lying is less a (distant) second choice than it is a second nature.

Most of us lie at some point but far less of us are true liars.

[tag2420]

Just lied to my wife, told her I was working and went back to this site. Now I have to actually leave for the office.