Is Cybersex Cheating

[BlueEyedBoy]

Yes it is cheating



NO it is not cheating



Yes but I do it anyway



No it is not cheating but I do not do it




I have been on the site for a few months. I have hade cybersex a few times. I know my wife would have a fit if she found out about it.

I justify being here because it gives me an outlet for my sexual needs without physically having sex with a women other than my wife.

I think of it just as if I purchased a Playboy or a dirty movie it is an escape from real life.

I have found that most of us on here are missing sum thing in our marriage. And this is a place we can com to without the threat of losing our marriage.

[Sunfiresix]

I think for me cyber sex isn't cheating, but our sex here stopped a quite a while back, she has no interest because of healt. I atill have the craving for sex, but I hope to stay faithful, I have cybered a couple of times--it was fun and relieved the stress, I don't know if I am very good at it but we did have a good time. I hope when I do it if I do it isn't cheating because that one human urge is extremely a tough one to ignore.

[TalithaRisen]

Yes it is cheating...

[Pebbles]

Is cybersex cheating? There is alot of mixed opinions. I think cybersex can be a fantasy..but it can very easily become reality.
My own experience was decidedly mixed. I found myself truly surprised that mere characters on a keyboard, a disembodied voice on the other end of a telephone line, could carry with it such an erotic and emotional charge. But the guy was married and although we did establish ground rules I ended up "colouring ouside the lines" in a way I never thought I would. When people begin an extra-marital affair of any kind, they usually think that they're capable of behaving like rational adults...but do they hardly ever act rationally and in control of their emotions? I didn't!

But at this moment in time..I wish my husband would have a cyber affair. I would not care. When I first got married..I would have been angry and very hurt over this. Now tho...I would probably say "Go for it". We are getting a divorce soon. I wouldn't really care!

[Sunfiresix]

I think almost everyone likes to think they are desirable to others.

[Gray451]

It all depends on what you think cheating is. Every partnership has it's own rules. Sometimes the rules change over time and sometimes they don't. In a straight laced sort of way almost everything is cheating. In an open marrige way almost nothing is. If I am in a dead marrige does it mean I am cheating if I keep breathing?

[Annie]

I think it's cheating if your spouse sees it as cheating, or if it takes something away from the marriage rather than enhancing it. If you use cyber sex as a way of avoiding contact with your spouse, it's cheating. If you become emotionally involved with your cyber partner, it's cheating. It's also cheating if you have to hide it. So I guess my answer is... it depends.....

[sexntexx]

WOW! So many opinions but I like the way that Pebbles put it, if you follow ground rules and do not take it out of the lines then no, but it can easily become more.

[p.J]

WOW! So many opinions but I like the way that Pebbles put it, if you follow ground rules and do not take it out of the lines then no, but it can easily become more.

and she is absolutely right, however, at the end of the day it has to sit right with you and what you want, or not as the case maybe!

[fly]

I dunno............
I used to say YES definately - in ANY circumstance........
then I thought well no, as long as I don't get emotionally involved......
then I thought well no..........as long as I'm not doing anything in person........
so in other words..........
I dunno!!!!!!:D

[Wil]

Please.....nothing but harmless enjoyment...is masturbating cheating....is sex for other than procreation wrong...and on and on...

[Sneaky]

It's cheating if your spouse doesn't know about it and you lie about it.

[IMaLady]

For the spouses of those who do it I think they would probably say yes unless they join in in doing so. My husband would think it was. I think that it is but that its to a different degree than having physical contact with the person.

[cherokeered]

Please.....nothing but harmless enjoyment...is masturbating cheating....is sex for other than procreation wrong...and on and on...


masturbation is done solo....cybering is not...that is where the cheating cums in....if the partner doesn't know about it.....and u know it woud hurt them

[UltimateNaneki]

I love to cyber sex, safe and harmless and fun....so for me...it's not cheaping and I will continue having fun. Thanks!

[MCat]

I don't think its cheating...especially if it enhances your marriage.

I would not mind if my husband did it...I don't need to know...or we can do it together with someone. I don't mind either way....its me he's been in bed with for 30 years.

Shit I am so much more relaxed than I used to be, the playboys he kept in the garage used to bother me....I can't believe how much I've changed in the last couple years.:dd

[Annie]

I don't think its cheating...especially if it enhances your marriage.

I would not mind if my husband did it...I don't need to know...or we can do it together with someone. I don't mind either way....its me he's been in bed with for 30 years.

Shit I am so much more relaxed than I used to be, the playboys he kept in the garage used to bother me....I can't believe how much I've changed in the last couple years.:ddMe too MCat! I was crushed when I found porn on our pc.... now Kissie and Lena can lock him a closet and I don't care! He runs away anyway when they bring out the toys... the chicken shit!

[MCat]

Me too MCat! I was crushed when I found porn on our pc.... now Kissie and Lena can lock him a closet and I don't care! He runs away anyway when they bring out the toys... the chicken shit!

Isn't it amazing what a few compliments and friendship from strangers will do for a woman:dd

Glad I'm not alone in my new freakness....:knuddel:

[AL(m)]

Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)

[Outta]

Well it is when i'm with a hot MILF blonde

[MCat]

Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)

Welcome Amb....:wa:

[AL(m)]

Well Thank you Mcat nice to meet new people on here too...:wa:


:wa: Welcome Amb....:wa:

[cherokeered]

Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)

Welcome to the site....:wa:

[IMaLady]

Isn't it amazing what a few compliments and friendship from strangers will do for a woman:dd

Glad I'm not alone in my new freakness....:knuddel:




I think this site has away of bring the freak out in all of us. It sure has me.:D

[IMaLady]

Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)



Hello and welcome :wa:

[AL(m)]

Well thanks once again.. getting a good feeling about this site.. yes thats a good thing too...take care Cherokeered...

[RedHotPisces]

:wa: hello amb...welcome :wa:



Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)

[TalithaRisen]

Yes it is cheating...

...but it's something I'm going to try...

[AL(m)]

Well it does give this old man a warm feeling being wellcomed.... thanks look forward to learning much more about this site and who kows what kinds of flirts are out there...lol:kk



:wa: hello amb...welcome :wa:

[RedHotPisces]

i dont think its cheating...if you hide it you are not being honest with your significant other...but to me its still not cheating...hubby and i have talked about what is ok with us...what we are both comfortable with...its the communication, honesty and trust that we need...whats ok with me and mine, might not be ok with you and yours...

[Annie]

Does it matter if we call it cheatig or not ??? as long as we enjoy it one should have a little fun in ones life....:)Yes we should all have a little fun now and then.... however if that fun comes at the expense of my husbands heartache, or his trust in me, then for me it might be worth it.

[spare_change]

If you would have asked me years ago I would have said yes, it is cheating.

I still think it is.

I've done it.

I've enjoyed it.

I don't, and won't, let it interfear with my marriage. It actually seems to help. I get something from it that I need (he has health problems and it has been some time since we have been intimate) , and I continue to be a good wife to him in return. And I have that added spring in my step- and he loves to see that.

I was suprised at the chemestry you can have with another person without physically seeing, smelling, or touching them, and just the power of words. I am suprised at how hot it can be. Still not the real thing, but I do not want to have a physical or emotional affair, and therefore rationalize cyber sex.

I don't confuse it with my real life and responsibilities. I am careful not to get cought, because I know it would hurt him. He is a good man and husband I wouldn't want to see him hurt. It would cause problems in our marriage, but I know it wouldn't end it.

Strangly don't feel guilty. If I had a physical or emotional affair I would feel guilty, and also risk feeling of attachment and expectation to that relationship . With cybering it's fun, flirty, without all that baggage.

Years ago, if my husband had cybered with another I would have felt betrayed and angry. Now I would be very suprised, and a little amused but not angry.



Right on the button!

Of course, it is cheating -- we can rationalize it, mask it, slice it, or dice it, but you can't hide from the fact that you are getting your needs filled outside your marriage. It has very little to do with sex -- it has to do with emotional desertion from your marriage. Everybody invests emotionally in a cybersex relationship - to claim otherwise is nonsense. If nothing else, you invest the friendship and camraderie that the two of you share.

So, the question isn't -- is Cybersex cheating? The question is -- can you face up to the fact that you are cheating on your relationship?

Like Sneaky - I have done it, I am doing it, and I will continue to do it. I tried to pretend it wasn't -- I tried to say it was just like masturbation -- I tried to say it was no worse than reading Penthouse Forum. But, finally, I had to grow up and face the fact that when I looked in the mirror, a cheater was looking back.

Will that make me quit? No -- but at least, now, I know who I am and what I am.

[hoss]

Right on the button!

Of course, it is cheating -- we can rationalize it, mask it, slice it, or dice it, but you can't hide from the fact that you are getting your needs filled outside your marriage. It has very little to do with sex -- it has to do with emotional desertion from your marriage. Everybody invests emotionally in a cybersex relationship - to claim otherwise is nonsense. If nothing else, you invest the friendship and camraderie that the two of you share.

So, the question isn't -- is Cybersex cheating? The question is -- can you face up to the fact that you are cheating on your relationship?

Like Sneaky - I have done it, I am doing it, and I will continue to do it. I tried to pretend it wasn't -- I tried to say it was just like masturbation -- I tried to say it was no worse than reading Penthouse Forum. But, finally, I had to grow up and face the fact that when I looked in the mirror, a cheater was looking back.

Will that make me quit? No -- but at least, now, I know who I am and what I am.

everyone is has their own opinions ,as we have said many times before ..

but....as u are my friend and i respect what u say ,i dont see a cheater in the mirror when i look back ...i have never thought of it as cheating and i dont see Momma cheating when she does it ...Maybe we just think different on the subject ..all i know my friend is i wish i could take u out for a beer ...i think u need a nite out ....

[hoss]

i dont think its cheating...if you hide it you are not being honest with your significant other...but to me its still not cheating...hubby and i have talked about what is ok with us...what we are both comfortable with...its the communication, honesty and trust that we need...whats ok with me and mine, might not be ok with you and yours...

well said babe ...:kk

[spare_change]

everyone is has their own opinions ,as we have said many times before ..

but....as u are my friend and i respect what u say ,i dont see a cheater in the mirror when i look back ...i have never thought of it as cheating and i dont see Momma cheating when she does it ...Maybe we just think different on the subject ..all i know my friend is i wish i could take u out for a beer ...i think u need a nite out ....


I will accept that a MUTUAL agreement for a couple can negate the cheating aspect --- after all, the two of you have agreed.

Obviously, I speak for those cases in which one member is cybering without the knowledge, or approval, of his or her spouse.

As for taking me out? Sounds good -- think you can keep up?

[hoss]

I will accept that a MUTUAL agreement for a couple can negate the cheating aspect --- after all, the two of you have agreed.

Obviously, I speak for those cases in which one member is cybering without the knowledge, or approval, of his or her spouse.

As for taking me out? Sounds good -- think you can keep up?

i agree with u there ..IF u are hiding it from your spouse then yes i do consider it cheating .....

and yes i can keep up with u ...remember our beer here in canuck land is the real thing ...not that 4 percent horse piss u yanks have ....

[spare_change]

i agree with u there ..IF u are hiding it from your spouse then yes i do consider it cheating .....

and yes i can keep up with u ...remember our beer here in canuck land is the real thing ...not that 4 percent horse piss u yanks have ....


Beer? Ohhhhh -- you're a rookie!

[hoss]

Beer? Ohhhhh -- you're a rookie!

sorry ..thats all i drink ...

never have touched the hard stuff .....

[spare_change]

sorry ..thats all i drink ...

never have touched the hard stuff .....


Me either -- I can't explain how it gets in my system -- probably that bourbon sauce at the steak place.

[UltimateNaneki]

Now lets get serious....If cyber-sex was cheating there would be lots more couples breaking up....

I'm leaving my hubby, that is true, but I was leaving him before I even knew what cyber-sex was. Plus, right now this is the only sex that I'm getting.

[just1234]

hi

[Sneaky]

Of course, it is cheating -- we can rationalize it, mask it, slice it, or dice it, but you can't hide from the fact that you are getting your needs filled outside your marriage. It has very little to do with sex -- it has to do with emotional desertion from your marriage. Everybody invests emotionally in a cybersex relationship - to claim otherwise is nonsense. If nothing else, you invest the friendship and camraderie that the two of you share.

So, the question isn't -- is Cybersex cheating? The question is -- can you face up to the fact that you are cheating on your relationship?


Will that make me quit? No -- but at least, now, I know who I am and what I am.[/QUOTE]

Yup! I agree SC.

[Pebbles]

A question here? When does flirting become cheating?
Does flirting becomes cheating when you flirt and your partner would disapprove of and you've crossed that line from playfulness into lust?
Do people flirt because they're either doing it to boost their ego so that they can make themselves feel good by seeing how someone reacts, or if they're not playing head games, then they're looking for a sexual opportunity?
For me flirting can be harmless and doesn't necessarily have to lead to cheating. It gives me a little rush when somebody flirts with me. Good for me..as I don't get this from my marriage.

[thickitalian]

Welcome Amb...

Please...no more of this old man stuff though. :D


Well it does give this old man a warm feeling being wellcomed.... thanks look forward to learning much more about this site and who kows what kinds of flirts are out there...lol:kk

[AL(m)]

Welcome Amb...

Please...no more of this old man stuff though. :D

Thanks for the welcome.. still feel young at heart and still plenty of energy left in the ....well okay not old how about mature body....lol...:D
Whats the saying?? act young feel young??

[living to Flirt]

well this place can do wonders for the heart!

[yaser]

I like it be cheating or not..

[sawflyman]

I have mixed opinions on it. I believe it can be a harmless thing or it can be cheating depends on the situation I quess

[p.J]

I have mixed opinions on it. I believe it can be a harmless thing or it can be cheating depends on the situation I quess

mmmmm! I am going to play devils advocate here, and I am no angel! However, I do think Cybersex becomes adultery when one person in the relationship does it without consent from a partner and without concern for how he or she will feel about it if they found out! Because cybersex doesn't involve touching as such, we perceive it as harmless... but there is still secrecy involved and perhaps even lying!

[Blue Skies]

Let me put on my lawyer cap...

I think it comes down to intent. Are you flirting (or having cybersex) STRICTLY for fun with NO intentions of EVER hooking up? OR... Are you flirting in hopes that someday, maybe, there might be a slight chance for an incredible encounter live and in person?

I rest my case!

[mile high]

Well, I've never cybered or experienced a committed relationship before, but IMO whether it's cheating or not depends on the expectations you have of each other - different relationships have different expectations and we shouldn't impose our own moral standards on to somebody else's behaviour (unless it's illegal). Obviously, people rarely cheat for no reason at all.

In addition, there are different levels of cheating; having an affair over several years is not comparable to a one night stand. If married people's needs aren't being fulfilled at home, then cybering is at least more respectful and less damaging than a full-on affair. I don't think the biggest issue with cybering is the cheating element, but the amount of time you devote to somebody else's desires while potentially overlooking your own partners' and the fact that you're probably lying to cover your tracks.

I think even cybering has different levels of cheating. If it isn't sexy, and neither of you are getting aroused, then there's less of a physical connection compared to mutually masturbating while you type...I imagine.

[p.J]

Let me put on my lawyer cap...

I think it comes down to intent. Are you flirting (or having cybersex) STRICTLY for fun with NO intentions of EVER hooking up? OR... Are you flirting in hopes that someday, maybe, there might be a slight chance for an incredible encounter live and in person?

I rest my case!

With all due respects Blue Skies I would not want you to be mine.... that ain't no lawyer hat that you've got on there, it is "I need a damn good shag now!" hat on... :)

[rickingeorgia]

I mean there's a few ways to look at something like this. Personally I think anytime you establish an emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse it's cheating.

But then again you can also look at it like, it's only cheating if you're getting it at home.

I tend to agree with the former.

[Blue Skies]

With all due respects Blue Skies I would not want you to be mine.... that ain't no lawyer hat that you've got on there, it is "I need a damn good shag now!" hat on... :)

You GOT IT!!! Shag hat on baby! Let me... um... fasten my chin strap... things could get bumpy!!! :lf

[speed_raycer]

Yes. I agree Jen. If the other party would feel betrayed, and the sexy flirting is kept secret, it is a form of cheating. But I think there are degrees of cheating. Physical contact takes it to the next level over cybersex.



mmmmm! I am going to play devils advocate here, and I am no angel! However, I do think Cybersex becomes adultery when one person in the relationship does it without consent from a partner and without concern for how he or she will feel about it if they found out! Because cybersex doesn't involve touching as such, we perceive it as harmless... but there is still secrecy involved and perhaps even lying!

[AL(m)]

Well after reading some of the relpies on here.. it seems flirting... aka cheating seems to be an individual issue, we obiviously are on this site to flirt so we are fine with either keeping it secrete or telling our significant others. Its one of those things that society tells us its wrong when our bodies tell us hmmmm maybe its not? yes somethig I would love to be able to talk to my wife about....:lf course thats not going to happen soon so I will continue to explore this site.... and yes enjoy it too..... :whee:

[Luckyday]

i don't think it's cheating.....

Lucky

[kajuman]

As long as it is harmless and both enjoy it why not we talk to people everday what is the differance, it's the ultimate for of safe sex.

[Joe4554]

Cyber sex is no different than reading a sex novel or watching a porn movie or anything similar.

Cyber sex is entertainment.

[longing for passion]

I'm not sure one way or the other...I've never done it. I suppose it would depend on how I felt following.

[thickitalian]

I think it's a riot when I hear others say that Cyber Sex is not really cheating...well, if it's not cheating then we should invite our spouses to listen as we have phone sex or read our text as we IM...hey..it's not cheating so why should our spouses have an issue with it? :lmao :lmao :lmao

Hope no one gets offended...but really....:whee:

[missgrace]

i love it.. it brings me to life.. but.. my hubby would freak.. so i guess i would say yep.. it's cheating.. cause he doesn't know about it.. and it would hurt him...

[chiboy_67]

Agree... Denial is a river that will never flood your basement. :whee:

[pointofnoreturn]

Cyber sex is no different than reading a sex novel or watching a porn movie or anything similar.

Cyber sex is entertainment.I am with Joe...And I want more entertainment please.....

[Joe4554]

Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
Definition of cheating.
So if Oral Sex is not Sex how can Cyber Sex be cheating.
QED
Besides it is a lot of fun.:lmao

[cmando]

my wife has once accussed me of cheating thru cyber sex. So in my house it is defiently cheating, i dont see it as harsh as her but i consider it cheating for that reason. but the spark has gone for a while in our realtionship and i enjoy flirting and cyber

[Sweetdreams069]

I think it all depends on your intent. If you are doing it with no intent on going any further then it may not be considered cheating but if at the same time your doing it without your partner's knowledge well then there are some communication and trust issues to be looked at.

If you're doing it with any intent whatsoever of possibly meeting someone and making a connection without your partner knowing then I would say it is considered cheating.

I do feel like I am cheating but I can only hope that in my next relationship we have a very open relationship and none of this would ever be an issue.

[paris]

I live by my own rules, not anyone elses. To me, it's just another form of communication that adds a thrill and excitement to my life.

[MCat]

I live by my own rules, not anyone elses. To me, it's just another form of communication that adds a thrill and excitement to my life.

Ooohhh, communication.....that's what it is....another form of communication.

Anyone wanna communicate :D

[spare_change]

Ooohhh, communication.....that's what it is....another form of communication.

Anyone wanna communicate :D


Talk to me, baby!

[MCat]

Talk to me, baby!

;)

[Wil]

I live by my own rules, not anyone elses. To me, it's just another form of communication that adds a thrill and excitement to my life.

yes...communication...lets communicate paris...;)

[GaMan]

I guess the wife would consider it cheating if she knew about it.

[Alonelyboy4u]

Ok your using your own hand but chatting with another woman to get you arroused ! You read playboy and do the same thing that means I have cheated with Cindy Crawford, Raquel Welch, Etc... ( is my age showing) LOL:confused:

[roadie4us]

I live by my own rules, not anyone elses. To me, it's just another form of communication that adds a thrill and excitement to my life.
I think it can add to a relationship by providing a little excitment and sturring up some of those smoldering embers which in some cases are about to go out. Especially for some of us old married couples. I only find it difficult because you just dont know who you are really talking to.

[One Song Hero]

There's a lot of thinking behind all of these posts, this is obviously a controversial and important topic (to the married cyberers in here, especially). I respect everyone's opinion and I fall in line closely with some of the opinions already posted. Anyway, here goes...

If you believe masturbation (without your real life partner) is cheating, then generally all cyberring is cheating, as masturbation is the most universal and basic purpose to cyberring. If you believe masturbation is a personal right that supercedes or coexists with the assumed right and duty (health permitting) to have sex exclusively with your mate, then what matters most is the opinions of both real life partners and the nature of the connection between cyberring parties, in my opinion.

Addressing the latter portion first, if the cyberring is completely anonymous (except for the exchange of otherwise insignificant usernames), I feel the masturbation resulting is no different that that derived from viewing a pornographic magazine or video. There is no personal connection there that ever rivals in even a trivial way the person's real life relationship bond. However, once the veil of anonymity is lifted and the cyberring parties begin to form a interpersonal bond (even if it's just lust), I feel the situation is likely that of cheating. A relationship that begins to rival or substitute for, if even just sporadically or casually, the presumed exclusive sexual (and/or romantically emotional) bond of the real life partnership is technically one that would be considered cheating, if this relationship was entered into voluntarily.

If, however, both real life partners feel certain forms or all forms of cyberring are not cheating, then I would say they aren't. Why argue with the people it matters to the most? Some people are just more liberal-minded than others. True swingers might not call any extrarelationship sex cheating, although some might prefer to regard it as cheating with loving approval. In the case where one or both real life partners feels cyberring is cheating, then it is cheating, whether that partner actually knows about the activity or not. I believe the issue of partner opinion trumps the issue of anonymity, unless the party engaging in the anonymous cyberring truly believed both real life partners were in agreement that it wasn't cheating. Then, because of the lack of intent, perhaps it should not be considered cheating.

What I'm left wondering, though, is what happens in the case where a partner's opinion on the matter changes over time. If that partner catches the other cyberring and feels it is cheating, at one time, and later that partner changes their mind and feels it was harmless, does that mean it was still cheating, but now it's forgiven, or does this rewrite the label of cheating changing it to be that of having not cheated at all?

[roadie4us]

Thanks Hero......liked your answer. Regarding a partner changing their mind on what constitutes cheating. Well, thats sort of like my wife no longer wanting to eat at my favorite restarurant. My opinion of the restaurant and its food hasnt changed......Im just learning to acquire different tastes. But, marriage is all about negotiations....so I still eat at my favorite restaurant, I just order off the take-out menu......lol. Besides, I havnt lost any weight over it.... darn it.

[Alonelyboy4u]

I need to get a lot of post in so I am not going to bae a "Hero" here LOL. My recomendation is don't get caught. Kepp your computer in the base ment like me and have your email minimized ready to pop up over what you are doing.
PS: my basement stairs creek(instant alarm system):sc

[roadie4us]

I need to get a lot of post in so I am not going to bae a "Hero" here LOL. My recomendation is don't get caught. Kepp your computer in the base ment like me and have your email minimized ready to pop up over what you are doing.
PS: my basement stairs creek(instant alarm system):sc
That works too. We travel in a 5th wheel so my basement isnt that big. Guess I will just have to take my chances.

[One Song Hero]

Thanks Hero......liked your answer. Regarding a partner changing their mind on what constitutes cheating. Well, thats sort of like my wife no longer wanting to eat at my favorite restarurant. My opinion of the restaurant and its food hasnt changed......Im just learning to acquire different tastes. But, marriage is all about negotiations....so I still eat at my favorite restaurant, I just order off the take-out menu......lol. Besides, I havnt lost any weight over it.... darn it.
Thanks, roadie. That's really amusing. Good luck with your single lane on-the-road experiences.

[yaser]

If it is cheating,I want to cheat with a nice lady here..Why not?Fun..

[Operator Bob]

My wife and I have had a similar conversation and came to this conclusion (which is similar to others on this post) - if I or my wife is doing something on the computer that we would not share with either one (company secrets excluded, of course) then it is cheating. If we don't feel uncomfortable about sharing it - then it is probably ok. It is about trust and setting expectations and having open conversations.

So, what I am doing is cheating to me, but I am doing it anyways. It is my decision.

Bob

[JCcanU]

What is cybersex ever sence I started useing the web I hear people talking about cybersex and cheating for me I dont see it as sex or cheating . when your in a bar or haveing a BBQ with friends and sex is brought up is that vertuil sex. I think that if your asking your self if its cheating then you feel guilty for doing it . if theres no feelings other then sex its part of human natucher. I think everyone masterbaits so is that cheating even if your thinking of the neighbor as your doing so , NOPE no skin contact between 2 to Cheat meens feeling skin and touching.

[Sneaky]

What is cybersex ever sence I started useing the web I hear people talking about cybersex and cheating for me I dont see it as sex or cheating . when your in a bar or haveing a BBQ with friends and sex is brought up is that vertuil sex. I think that if your asking your self if its cheating then you feel guilty for doing it . if theres no feelings other then sex its part of human natucher. I think everyone masterbaits so is that cheating even if your thinking of the neighbor as your doing so , NOPE no skin contact between 2 to Cheat meens feeling skin and touching.

Would you consider it cheating if you would both masterbate in front of each other? You are doing something for sexual gratification outside of your marriage. If you don't tell your spouse about it, it is cheating. MHO. Also, if you do develop a "relationship", which can happen, suprising feelings do tend to develop, weird as that sounds......

[cherokeered]

this question would be more for those whos spouses do not know they cyber with anyone....if your spouse would be hurt, upset, angry or if it would damage your relationship....and if you know this to be the case....then yes, it is cheating....it is a risk to your relationship and no matter how you spin it....it comes out the same...

[w9kw]

ahhh no but hell just playing with one self to get off bout the same things as forums magazine

[tj_uk]

Well, I think, no matter how you try to look at it, if you do it without the knowledge of your spouse or you're actively hiding it from your spouse, then YES, it IS cheating.

However if you're not hiding it and you're spouse doesn't mind you flirting, web-camming, chatting with someone else online then I guess it's not cheating.

Of course cybering only involves a "virtual" relationship so the moment you meet someone in real life I think it's whole different game!

[One Song Hero]

Well, the way I see it, if you are in a hotel room and you are almost naked because you're playing strip poker with someone of the opposite sex other than your wife, and your wife bangs on the hotel room door and the other person who is also almost naked gets up and answers the door, and while that other person is away from the table you look at her cards, that's cheating.

[roadie4us]

Great answer...thank you for posting it. It started my day off with a smile.

[johandevotie]

Well, the way I see it, if you are in a hotel room and you are almost naked because you're playing strip poker with someone of the opposite sex other than your wife, and your wife bangs on the hotel room door and the other person who is also almost naked gets up and answers the door, and while that other person is away from the table you look at her cards, that's cheating.




Now THAT is funny. Thanks for that laugh =)

[One Song Hero]

Thank you! Your comments really made MY day!!!

[JCcanU]

Would you consider it cheating if you would both masterbate in front of each other? You are doing something for sexual gratification outside of your marriage. If you don't tell your spouse about it, it is cheating. MHO. Also, if you do develop a "relationship", which can happen, suprising feelings do tend to develop, weird as that sounds......


Your talking to someone thats made porn and had sexual encounters with other women and Im still with my wife. but like I said if you think your cheating then I guess your cheating I dont see it that way when its over the pc not face to face. if your hands cut off at the wrist can you reach into a cookie jar. so I guess mastrbaiting to porn is cheating is that wat your saying . thats how I see the Net its all words sight sound but no feeling. you cant fall in love with a radio DJ can you .

[cherokeered]

thought ya might like to know.....


Its obvious online affairs are prevalent today so what can you do? This epidemic is causing the breakup of countless marriages. How do you know if your spouse is violating the marriage vows by carrying out an online affair? If your marriage is in trouble these clues will help you be the judge. Caution: These clues are not confirmation of affair just feasible indicators for you take into account.


Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who doesn't use a computer today? I know a few people. They are excellent for paying bills, staying in touch with family, friends, customers, finding street locations, and a host of other productive endeavors. We can not live without them and shudder when a lighting storm threaten our usage. Just look at kids and their instant messaging. They will go without dinner just to keep in touch with their circle of friends. Try to pull them away, it's no easy task. Does your spouse resemble your kid's magnetism to the computer? Discover why this need is so powerful before it's too late.

Passwords, instant message "buddy lists", internet email accounts and emails are concealed - even protected from you! Do you find your spouse needing his "own space" at the computer? Is there a real reluctance when you ask to know his passwords? What's there to hide? These questions all have obvious answers. The act of hiding information is deceptive by nature. Of course, those of us who have worked in "Corporate America" understand the need to protect company secrets. But what legitimate "family secret" are we hiding? Listen, any time a spouse becomes secretive with you, it fulfills a direct need they demonstrate. Why? You are like the judge, referee, or source of authority creating that "sense of accountability" over them. Furthermore, they are breaking matrimonial law if committing adultery. There is, in many courts, a price to pay!

Computer use after you have gone to bed, when you fall asleep or in the middle of the night. Have you been awaken by the absence of your spouse at night and found him at the computer? If this behavior becomes a pattern you certainly need to be concerned. While work demands a sense of commitment and loyalty, working late repeatedly after you have fallen asleep is a little odd.

Your partner abruptly shuts off the internet and/or computer when you approach. This is panic and unexplainable behavior. The rationalization is "when all other contingency plans fail, just shut that thing off and don't get caught." This foolish act is also called a "computer crash" and has the potential of damaging both hardware and software. The loss of files occurs when a computer is cut off abruptly. Many spouses have reported this behavior just prior to hiring us. We consider it a significant indicator of a deviant behavior. Now, bear in mind your spouse may be viewing pornography and fear reprisal. This may explain the need for panic.

The computer and monitor are always positioned away from your sight. The study of body language has become useful to many investigators, especially those of us who administer lie detection examinations. An obvious sign of deception and a common mistake the cheater make is blocking your view. They need the time to clear a screen, turn off the monitor, or change to another internet page when threatened with exposure. Intentionally turning the monitor or laptop away from view is an indicator they don't want you to see something. Over time this act develops into a habit and confers greater freedom from detection. In most instances, having the lead time to hide the truth from you is all they need.

Clears all internet history after chat sessions, usage or installs software to automatically rid this information. There are times when a computer becomes filled with unwanted files. Computers run faster when less "temporary" files use up valuable "ram memory." This is prudent maintenance for any computer user. What I am referring to in this sign is the repeated habit of purposefully clearing information from discovery. While this information is retrievable through the science of Computer Forensics, you won't find it readily available. On the market now is software that actually helps the cheater. The actual purpose of this new software tool is to hide any trace of computer internet usage. Do you find this a little suspicious? I do.

Exhibits a compulsive need to be online and seems defensive when confronted to stop. "When are you coming to bed?" "We really need to go, now, what's taking so long?" "Can't you do that later?" Have you asked these types of questions? Teenagers often become "obsessed" with instant messaging. If you have kids who use the computer, you know. They have trouble walking away from the PC. This same desire or need displayed by your spouse is cause for alarm. A compulsive, defensive pattern of behavior shows a strong need to continue. You need to know why.

Shares personal information, photos or events with strangers in emails, chat-rooms or while instant messaging. Setting up a profile for instant messaging is commonplace. Kids love to fill them up and share with friends on the buddy list. I've witnessed spouses who send nude pictures of themselves over the internet. They share very personal information that should be reserved to the marital home. Maybe it's time to track this information with software that collects this data. Today more courts are allowing emails and computer usage data as evidence. It's advisable to consult an attorney in your state beforehand!

Plays online games and frequents "personals" chat-rooms. This is where it starts. Play a few games, win or loss but then we need to chat. Well if chatting is fine, why not include your spouse? You can't, so why do it?

[PlayfulMale69]

I guess there are going to be differing opinions on this. Regardless if it is cheating or not, we choose to do it if we want to.

I have another question:

Is witholding sex from your partner cheating?

If cybersex is called cheating, shouldn't pushing away your partner you don't want sex cheating? I am not talking about once in a while, but when you refuse for weeks and months at a time.

[cherokeered]

this isn't just an opinion..it was gotten off a divorce website....

10 Clues of an Online Affair

Written by: Bill Mitchell
Seven Day Detective

this is who wrote it...a man

[JCcanU]

News Flash who ever wrote that must be the one that had a spouse leave them for someone eles online. If thats the case then I been doing things I had no clue to was I was doing 6 hours a day or more online , clear the history and catcha go to chats sometimes I wake up at 2 am cant get back to sleep so go online . but then I never turn my pc off or hide passwords from the wife I do what I want with her in the room.

[Wil]

I guess there are going to be differing opinions on this. Regardless if it is cheating or not, we choose to do it if we want to.

I have another question:

Is witholding sex from your partner cheating?

If cybersex is called cheating, shouldn't pushing away your partner you don't want sex cheating? I am not talking about once in a while, but when you refuse for weeks and months at a time.

...with you on that PM...and the main reason that I bought myself this laptop was to chat/meet with women....how sad is that?

[Wil]

I guess there are going to be differing opinions on this. Regardless if it is cheating or not, we choose to do it if we want to.

I have another question:

Is witholding sex from your partner cheating?

If cybersex is called cheating, shouldn't pushing away your partner you don't want sex cheating? I am not talking about once in a while, but when you refuse for weeks and months at a time.

...with you on that PM...and the main reason that I bought myself this laptop was to chat with women....how sad is that?

[PlayfulMale69]

...with you on that PM...and the main reason that I bought myself this laptop was to chat with women....how sad is that?

I just think we need to look at both sides of this coin if we are going to ask the question. Other good comments about looking at playboy and masturbation could be included. But a lot of us on here have beeen pushed away by our spouses. Not all, I understand, but a lot of us have. Is the spouse that is pushing away not equally wrong? That is all I am asking? Doesn't seem fair that I don't get a vote on how celebate I am.

Things I think about. *grin*

[scoobertina]

thought ya might like to know.....


Its obvious online affairs are prevalent today so what can you do? This epidemic is causing the breakup of countless marriages. How do you know if your spouse is violating the marriage vows by carrying out an online affair? If your marriage is in trouble these clues will help you be the judge. Caution: These clues are not confirmation of affair just feasible indicators for you take into account.

Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who doesn't use a computer today? I know a few people. They are excellent for paying bills, staying in touch with family, friends, customers, finding street locations, and a host of other productive endeavors. We can not live without them and shudder when a lighting storm threaten our usage. Just look at kids and their instant messaging. They will go without dinner just to keep in touch with their circle of friends. Try to pull them away, it's no easy task. Does your spouse resemble your kid's magnetism to the computer? Discover why this need is so powerful before it's too late.
Passwords, instant message "buddy lists", internet email accounts and emails are concealed - even protected from you! Do you find your spouse needing his "own space" at the computer? Is there a real reluctance when you ask to know his passwords? What's there to hide? These questions all have obvious answers. The act of hiding information is deceptive by nature. Of course, those of us who have worked in "Corporate America" understand the need to protect company secrets. But what legitimate "family secret" are we hiding? Listen, any time a spouse becomes secretive with you, it fulfills a direct need they demonstrate. Why? You are like the judge, referee, or source of authority creating that "sense of accountability" over them. Furthermore, they are breaking matrimonial law if committing adultery. There is, in many courts, a price to pay!
Computer use after you have gone to bed, when you fall asleep or in the middle of the night. Have you been awaken by the absence of your spouse at night and found him at the computer? If this behavior becomes a pattern you certainly need to be concerned. While work demands a sense of commitment and loyalty, working late repeatedly after you have fallen asleep is a little odd.
Your partner abruptly shuts off the internet and/or computer when you approach. This is panic and unexplainable behavior. The rationalization is "when all other contingency plans fail, just shut that thing off and don't get caught." This foolish act is also called a "computer crash" and has the potential of damaging both hardware and software. The loss of files occurs when a computer is cut off abruptly. Many spouses have reported this behavior just prior to hiring us. We consider it a significant indicator of a deviant behavior. Now, bear in mind your spouse may be viewing pornography and fear reprisal. This may explain the need for panic.
The computer and monitor are always positioned away from your sight. The study of body language has become useful to many investigators, especially those of us who administer lie detection examinations. An obvious sign of deception and a common mistake the cheater make is blocking your view. They need the time to clear a screen, turn off the monitor, or change to another internet page when threatened with exposure. Intentionally turning the monitor or laptop away from view is an indicator they don't want you to see something. Over time this act develops into a habit and confers greater freedom from detection. In most instances, having the lead time to hide the truth from you is all they need.
Clears all internet history after chat sessions, usage or installs software to automatically rid this information. There are times when a computer becomes filled with unwanted files. Computers run faster when less "temporary" files use up valuable "ram memory." This is prudent maintenance for any computer user. What I am referring to in this sign is the repeated habit of purposefully clearing information from discovery. While this information is retrievable through the science of Computer Forensics, you won't find it readily available. On the market now is software that actually helps the cheater. The actual purpose of this new software tool is to hide any trace of computer internet usage. Do you find this a little suspicious? I do.
Exhibits a compulsive need to be online and seems defensive when confronted to stop. "When are you coming to bed?" "We really need to go, now, what's taking so long?" "Can't you do that later?" Have you asked these types of questions? Teenagers often become "obsessed" with instant messaging. If you have kids who use the computer, you know. They have trouble walking away from the PC. This same desire or need displayed by your spouse is cause for alarm. A compulsive, defensive pattern of behavior shows a strong need to continue. You need to know why.
Shares personal information, photos or events with strangers in emails, chat-rooms or while instant messaging. Setting up a profile for instant messaging is commonplace. Kids love to fill them up and share with friends on the buddy list. I've witnessed spouses who send nude pictures of themselves over the internet. They share very personal information that should be reserved to the marital home. Maybe it's time to track this information with software that collects this data. Today more courts are allowing emails and computer usage data as evidence. It's advisable to consult an attorney in your state beforehand!
Plays online games and frequents "personals" chat-rooms. This is where it starts. Play a few games, win or loss but then we need to chat. Well if chatting is fine, why not include your spouse? You can't, so why do it?


:wa: Hi! I exhibit all of the above... guess I am cheating... Woohooooooooo and you know what? I am loving every single minute of it too

[cherokeered]

:wa: Hi! I exhibit all of the above... guess I am cheating... Woohooooooooo and you know what? I am loving every single minute of it too


well, just for clarification...so am I....lol....but just felt that people should know the rules have changed with the introduction of the internet and cybering

[scoobertina]

well, just for clarification...so am I....lol....but just felt that people should know the rules have changed with the introduction of the internet and cybering

Sorry if I sounded bad... I thought it was funny that I do all of that and I am enjoying it so very much... Cher I hope you are having a good time with it too....

[cherokeered]

Sorry if I sounded bad... I thought it was funny that I do all of that and I am enjoying it so very much... Cher I hope you are having a good time with it too....


Hun...it's ok...I laughed when i read it...because I do it all and I found it funny it assumes the cheater is the husband....lol

[PlayfulMale69]

Sorry if I sounded bad... I thought it was funny that I do all of that and I am enjoying it so very much... Cher I hope you are having a good time with it too....

LOL, Scoob, I doubt anyone on here is going to judge you. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. ;)

[scoobertina]

LOL, Scoob, I doubt anyone on here is going to judge you. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. ;)

Awww Play... thanks so much... I sure hope you are having a good time cheating too.... ;)

[OICurready4me]

Well, the way I see it, if you are in a hotel room and you are almost naked because you're playing strip poker with someone of the opposite sex other than your wife, and your wife bangs on the hotel room door and the other person who is also almost naked gets up and answers the door, and while that other person is away from the table you look at her cards, that's cheating.


:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

[PlayfulMale69]

Awww Play... thanks so much... I sure hope you are having a good time cheating too.... ;)

I always do. :kk

[whosdaflirt]

LOL, Scoob, I doubt anyone on here is going to judge you. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. ;)

Ow! Who threw the stone and why at me?!?!?! :D

[One Song Hero]

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

Thank you, OIC.

[Niceandsmove]

Yeah it's cheating, so I am being a bad boy

[pointofnoreturn]

Yeah but I do it anyway seems to be getting more votes. It is not cheating any more than watching porn. And if you watch it with your spouse then who is cheating????I nned someone to fuck me

[OICurready4me]

Yeah but I do it anyway seems to be getting more votes. It is not cheating any more than watching porn. And if you watch it with your spouse then who is cheating????I nned someone to fuck me


Dont we all need someone to fuck us! I'm with you on that Point.

[MIGHTY]

Dont we all need someone to fuck us! I'm with you on that Point.

Tell me about it!!

[sawflyman]

maybe I am out of line here but tell me how could beautiful ladies such as yourselves not be getting fucked. am I missing something here. or what..............

[madmod]

So I guess my answer is... it depends.....

I have to agree with that .... I don't know if it's directly cheating per se, but in certainly can be. The question is: are you robbing (or cheating) your partner of something or is it something they don't want anyway?!

For me the answer is unfortunately the latter, so cybersex isn't cheating my partner of anything at all .... It actually helps me not to be cheated out (if that makes any sense at all). Interaction like this is what keeps me faithful in the ways that do matter ....

[onceamarine]

My wife would consider it cheating, and that is really the one who matters. Therefore, I consider it cheating. I still do it anyway.

[wall-flower]

My hubby considers it cheating. I DON'T consider it cheating. So therefore I don't tell him that I have done it.

[mrdiscreet]

same for me wall. I like your pretty flowers :)

[PlayfulMale69]

My hubby considers it cheating. I DON'T consider it cheating. So therefore I don't tell him that I have done it.

Well, aren't you the sneaky one. :D My wife would consider it cheating as well. I can relate! :kk

[WandaRing]

Okay so maybe cyber-sex is cheating with a person you more then likely do not know. I have seen a lot of marriages (including mine) fall apart because of sexual issues that can not be resolved. One partner wants more sex or different kinds of sex and other does not have any desires to try, or one partner has absolutely no interest in sex for whatever reason, there are many sexual issues in this small world, these are just a few of them.



So what is the solution, should the person wanting more sex just keep those feeling and desires to themselves? After discussing his new found sexual desires with his wife, a male friend was turned down and ridiculed by his wife, (all he suggested was to try doggie style sex) she made him feel like he was a sick pervert. He has since told me he hates himself and feels ashamed of these feelings, so badly that you can tell in the way he now carries his body and the laughter has really toned down in him. She’s happy, she’s got what she wants, he’s not so lucky he has to deal with his desires and now he thinks, he a really bad guy.



I don’t understand, two people looking to fulfill a sexual desire, that have honesty tried to deal with issues with their spouses, have been shot down and ignored, find their way to the net and have cyber-sex…isn’t that better then meeting a person in real life and having an affair….so what is the answer, what is fair? :cry: Neither really but here am I

[Han Solo]

Annie, well feel free to share away...............:D

[Sneaky]

Well, aren't you the sneaky one. :D My wife would consider it cheating as well. I can relate! :kk

Eh hem. I am the Sneaky one. :gs

[Wil]

One partner wants more sex or different kinds of sex and other does not have any desires to try, or one partner has absolutely no interest in sex for whatever reason, there are many sexual issues in this small world, these are just a few of them.



So what is the solution, should the person wanting more sex just keep those feeling and desires to themselves?......



.........I don’t understand, two people looking to fulfill a sexual desire, that have honesty tried to deal with issues with their spouses, have been shot down and ignored, find their way to the net and have cyber-sex…isn’t that better then meeting a person in real life and having an affair….so what is the answer, what is fair? Neither really but here am I



Sorry to pull your post apart Annie but I wanted to touch on a few points you made.



One, what if one half has lost interest, is the answer an affair? The second point is that two people are looking to fulfill sexual desire. It takes two. Thirdly, if one has been shot down and ignored, then posting and chatting on M & F is acceptable as far as I'm concerned...



...after being here for a few months, I have found a place to listen to my contemporaries about what's on their collective minds about this institution we call marriage...

[madmod]

I don’t understand, two people looking to fulfill a sexual desire, that have honesty tried to deal with issues with their spouses, have been shot down and ignored, find their way to the net and have cyber-sex…isn’t that better then meeting a person in real life and having an affair….so what is the answer, what is fair? :cry: Neither really but here am I

Great post, Annie - quite thoughtful and thought-provoking. I actually have to agree with the sentiment you've expressed here, and that's exactly how I approach this site .... After all, I think a lot of us are in the same boat! :sc

[masterx1412]

It can add spice to a somewhat lonesome life, so why not!

[troos2]

I think it is cheating only if the person doing it thinks it is cheating.

[papabear48]

Not cheating

[IsThisIt@50?]

My husband would definitely view it as cheating and be hurt even tho our relationship is non-existent. I think it is an option if you have no choice but to 'hang in there' and you need an outlet. BOB's (battery-operated boyfriends) don't always 'do the trick'.

[papabear48]

My wife would feel the same way. I really don't know myself.

[madmod]

My husband would definitely view it as cheating and be hurt even tho our relationship is non-existent. I think it is an option if you have no choice but to 'hang in there' and you need an outlet. BOB's (battery-operated boyfriends) don't always 'do the trick'.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much my situation too .... :sc

Except I don't use BOBs - I use HOGs (Hand-Oriented Girlfriends)! :D

[cherokeered]

So, yes it is cheating....and yes it can be quite intense...and yes a spouse who discovers it will go through all the emotions as if u have had a physical affair, which you have being as you are having an orgasm with someone other than ur spouse....and they arent in a porn movie...or magazine...
but, would you stop doing it even though it can be used as infidelity in divorce proceedings???
I doubt few would...because the alternative is to go back to what they were before it...unhappy and unfulfilled

[Phlirt]

I think its similar to using Porn or magazines... its a way to get off. Now, if you are getting emotionally attached to someone, then that adds the "cheating" aspect in. If you can't even tell your spouse that you are getting off, without her assistance, then you might have some issues. I'm sure some wives don't care.

just my two cents.

[Dancemor(m)]

Welcome Amb....:wa: Hi MCat......cybering is new to me, I have indulged in it three times with two different ladies. It was a very warm and intimate experience. My wife would not approve,,, I suppose, but I would do it again in a second with a lady that wants to explore what its like to be with ME. I feel that cybering opens up the way YOU want to be with another person. Sharing affection and sensual desires with another in such a way that it makes you feel so very close to the other person that may desire you and feel desired and cared for. We all need to feel that we are desireable to some degree. It is a void that most of us have, that needs to be filled in one way or another.


please do not post personal contact info on the public threads :55

[P.R.]

I dont think so, but some would say that if you think it, thats as bad as doing it.

[Pink4You]

I don't think so, now if it lead to more that typing and goes to physically calling on the phone then maybe. If a meet and greet is set up.... then I would consider it the beginning of cheating.

[Dancemor(m)]

I don't think so, now if it lead to more that typing and goes to physically calling on the phone then maybe. If a meet and greet is set up.... then I would consider it the beginning of cheating.

I agree pink........I dont think you are cheating on your spouse if you do not have any physical contact. Meeting someone is crossing the line if you have the intention to be more than just friends.............. :)

[Dancemor(m)]

My husband would definitely view it as cheating and be hurt even tho our relationship is non-existent. I think it is an option if you have no choice but to 'hang in there' and you need an outlet. BOB's (battery-o
perated boyfriends) don't always 'do the trick'.

I really think that physical sex is based on how you think (your brain). Sex is 90 percent mental and 10 percent physical, but you need to have 100 percent in order to complete the sex act...........therefore cybersex is not cheating, it takes 100 percent to cheat. :)

[WandaRing]

Great post, Annie - quite thoughtful and thought-provoking. I actually have to agree with the sentiment you've expressed here, and that's exactly how I approach this site .... After all, I think a lot of us are in the same boat! :sc

yes there isnt a fair answer, just the hard facts, someone always gets hurt or is hurt and we somehow overcome or push that pain away and try not to feel it...we carry way to much pain and let downs as humans...:(

[Dancemor(m)]

I agree........living for the moment is precious. The past is gone and dead...and the future may not be given to us..............take and recieve what you can for the moment.............

[Dancemor(m)]

My wife knows I am flirting on line, but choses not to join in. So, for me, it is not cheating. I like to flirt once in a while. It helps my self esteem and I can get to know how other ladies my react to what I may say or do. Of course it is a turn on when I am fortunate enough to meet a lady that is compatible with me.

[ErosErotic]

Like many others here, I feel it is not cheating but merely a way to "get off". I would much rather release my built up desires this way than to lose control of them in a physical relationship.

[Dancemor(m)]

I agree in part, eros, I just dont think 'everyone "get's off" when they flirt.......

[madmod]

Like many others here, I feel it is not cheating but merely a way to "get off". I would much rather release my built up desires this way than to lose control of them in a physical relationship.

And that's the crux of things, isn't it?! It may be cheating (regardless of how we want to rationalise it), but it helps keep things in check and stops us from doing anything worse (i.e. entering a full-blown physical relationship with someone else), so it has its merits too.

If we're honest, maybe the question is not so much about whether cybersex is cheating, but to what degree we can accept cheating occurring and live with ourselves. Cybersex, for some, can fly under the radar .... Does that make any sense to anyone else?! I think it pretty much sums up my thoughts ....

[Dancemor(m)]

I think that physically flirting with someone is much more likely to end up in a relationship of some type, but even that is remote at best, rather than just flirting on line or even cybersex........ I personally like to flirt with a gal that has a nice smile and loves to use her eyes to flirt back...... I dont think that even flirting on line has to end up in a full blown cybersex situation. Alot of the time I just like to immagine just hugging or kissing my new or old on line friend.......

[ErosErotic]

And that's the crux of things, isn't it?! It may be cheating (regardless of how we want to rationalise it), but it helps keep things in check and stops us from doing anything worse (i.e. entering a full-blown physical relationship with someone else), so it has its merits too.

If we're honest, maybe the question is not so much about whether cybersex is cheating, but to what degree we can accept cheating occurring and live with ourselves. Cybersex, for some, can fly under the radar .... Does that make any sense to anyone else?! I think it pretty much sums up my thoughts ....
It makes perfect sense and is a way I hadn't thought about it. I suppose you're right though. Ideally, I wouldn't do any of this, at least not without her knowledge.

[madmod]

It makes perfect sense and is a way I hadn't thought about it. I suppose you're right though. Ideally, I wouldn't do any of this, at least not without her knowledge.

And that's where all our situations differ .... Some are here solely for fun, some are here with their partner's permission, some are here because it's their only outlet/last resort, etc. I guess you just have to work out what's right for you, but I do think all the different opinions in this thread (and others) can help put some people more at ease. Somewhere out there is someone who feels much the same as you ....

[Dancemor(m)]

I don't think I would have the time to tell my wife about everytime I flirted withsome...besides she does it too........:)

[Dancemor(m)]

Ahhhhhh very good conclusion!! Thats what makes this site so interesting. People associated with alot of different life styles and viewpoints....... I can hardly wait to meet more of the people here at this site.

[pointofnoreturn]

only if you get pregnant....

[ErosErotic]

only if you get pregnant....
Cybersex is safer than safe sex...

[Dancemor(m)]

pointofnoreturn.....lol,, girl.....getting someone pregnant is not a possiblity for me. Had that taken care of a few years back .....:)

[pointofnoreturn]

pointofnoreturn.....lol,, girl.....getting someone pregnant is not a possiblity for me. Had that taken care of a few years back .....:)Hey me too. Last year. Call me..:55

[Dancemor(m)]

luv to chat sometime, soon...... I have no idea how I would call you......tc pointofnoreturn :)

[Pink4You]

Ahhhhhh very good conclusion!! Thats what makes this site so interesting. People associated with alot of different life styles and viewpoints....... I can hardly wait to meet more of the people here at this site.

Nice to meet you! Like you way of thinking. Tell the wife we said hello and come out and play sometime. She might like it.

[yaser]

I am not sure.

[megan363]

I think it is but if you are unhappy in your marriage it's still better than having a "real" relationship.

[Wil]

I think it is but if you are unhappy in your marriage it's still better than having a "real" relationship.

Well...Welcome Megs...cheat away...:wa:

[megan363]

Well...Welcome Megs...cheat away...:wa:

Don't mind if I do. :D

[cheerymissy_34]

i dont look at it as cheating..even though hubby would think differently
i think it could turn into cheating if it leads to something other than a good time and feelings become involved

[kawagrn]

i dont look at it as cheating..even though hubby would think differently
i think it could turn into cheating if it leads to something other than a good time and feelings become involved

I agree. My wife would think it is cheating, but I think it is better for me to play on the net and trade some pics than to go out and find someone to have sex with. I have to find some way to be satisfied if she doesn't satisfy me enough.

[Wil]

i dont look at it as cheating..even though hubby would think differently
i think it could turn into cheating if it leads to something other than a good time and feelings become involved


...you're right about that darlin...real cheatin could mess everything up...what's the worst thing that could happen if I got caught flirting here...is she gonna throw out my laptop?

[cheerymissy_34]

...you're right about that darlin...real cheatin could mess everything up...what's the worst thing that could happen if I got caught flirting here...is she gonna throw out my laptop?

i dont know...but i do know hubby would do alot more than throw out my laptop

[kawagrn]

i dont know...but i do know hubby would do alot more than throw out my laptop

yea it would be pretty bad I think if my wife found out. :(

[musicman1181]

I would have to consider it cheating, b/c if my wife called me and said she got off with a someone online, i would feel really awkward, like she had a relation with someone else.

[Dmy]

i dont look at it as cheating..even though hubby would think differently
i think it could turn into cheating if it leads to something other than a good time and feelings become involved


My wife and I dont see eye to eye on this either.........Sure I'd like to see more or some.....especially with her. But ....the only fix for me is MORE SEX right? :D ;)

[boomer3]

I don't consider it cheating. My wife on the other hand would. Would have alot of explaining to do if she found out. She doesn't even like porn, bleh.

[Dancemor(m)]

Nice to meet you! Like you way of thinking. Tell the wife we said hello and come out and play sometime. She might like it.

Thanks Pink.....I might just do that......maybe sometime next year.....I procrastinate a bit....lol :) Are you serious, though??

[myrealnameisdavid00]

If you are not willing to tell your spouse.........it's cheating, bottom line.

[Iwantutowantme]

If you are not willing to tell your spouse.........it's cheating, bottom line.

******~~****
Nah....it can't be, there would be no lipstick on your collor...... lol..

[MB54]

easy answer, no.

[duanehofner]

If the one I'm married to thinks it is and I'm doing it, then it's cheating

[yaser]

Depends upon the fact how we define cheating.

[stucknmarriage74(f)]

I think i agree with yaser, how exactly do we define cheating???

[yaser]

I think i agree with yaser, how exactly do we define cheating???
It depends on culture..But I believe if you stop your relations with your hubby in mind...You do whatever you wish..

[Ava_74]

I dont think its cheating, but i know my husband would, soo am I cheating?? For the sake of my sanity I say no.

[Han Solo]

I don't want to go deep with this, but my views on this have changed slightly over the years. In my opinion these days, yes it is. My feeling is that when you have lust in your heart for another it is like cheating. That's not to say you can't admire an attractive woman or man and give an occassional "WoW" or "Whew" :55 or look at your favorite actress/actor..........like oh :sc ...say that dreamboat Harrison Ford ;) and have a mindless day dream about it. But when you get to the point of having those more serious desires that you really want or need to be "with" another person in that way whether real or online counts as cheating to me..... And this is not an opinion on who, what, why, or how any guilt or not plays a part....just a response to what the basic defintion of the cheating question was in my opinion.

The one disclaimer being that this assumes your spouse or partner does not know what you are doing. People being with others openly with their spouse knowing of those thoughts....well, I can't really consider that cheating at that point and that's more of a lifestyle choice as long as everyone is aware and consenting about it.

[boredinmass]

who cares, its fun!

[p.J]

I don't want to go deep with this, but my views on this have changed slightly over the years. In my opinion these days, yes it is. My feeling is that when you have lust in your heart for another it is like cheating. That's not to say you can't admire an attractive woman or man and give an occassional "WoW" or "Whew" :55 or look at your favorite actress/actor..........like oh :sc ...say that dreamboat Harrison Ford ;) and have a mindless day dream about it. But when you get to the point of having those more serious desires that you really want or need to be "with" another person in that way whether real or online counts as cheating to me..... And this is not an opinion on who, what, why, or how any guilt or not plays a part....just a response to what the basic defintion of the cheating question was in my opinion.

The one disclaimer being that this assumes your spouse or partner does not know what you are doing. People being with others openly with their spouse knowing of those thoughts....well, I can't really consider that cheating at that point and that's more of a lifestyle choice as long as everyone is aware and consenting about it.

Excellent post Hans!

[Nick182]

I think you your have cybersex 5 nights a week it becomes a form of cheating. Occasionally though... I wouldn't say it's cheating.

[p.J]

I think you your have cybersex 5 nights a week it becomes a form of cheating. Occasionally though... I wouldn't say it's cheating.

Balls... seriously Nick its utter balls! Cybersex becomes adultery when one person in the relationship does it without consent from a partner and without concern for how he or she will feel about it. Thats means anytime, be it half a day a week or 5 times a year!

[househub]

no it is not, what would you call cheating in the flesh then, real cheating?

[p.J]

no it is not, what would you call cheating in the flesh then, real cheating?

Elaborate please... cheating in reality do you mean? Yes? So you are saying Cybersex isn't cheating because you aren't physically having sex?

[Low Rider]

Only if you get caught....

[Lacey]

no it is not, what would you call cheating in the flesh then, real cheating?




I agree with Jenny.Whether it be cyber sex, phone sex or flesh to flesh sex with someone other then your spouse without them knowing it or approving it, it's cheating.
I think sometimes people try to justify it because it's not "real". It's real when you share a piece of yourself through words or face to face.

[Nick182]

Balls... seriously Nick its utter balls! Cybersex becomes adultery when one person in the relationship does it without consent from a partner and without concern for how he or she will feel about it. Thats means anytime, be it half a day a week or 5 times a year!

Well, I can't fully disagree with that... but then flirting on forums like these is also kind of like cheating... isn't it? Maybe not in the sense of physical cheating, but emotional cheating...

[p.J]

I agree with Jenny.Whether it be cyber sex, phone sex or flesh to flesh sex with someone other then your spouse without them knowing it or approving it, it's cheating.
I think sometimes people try to justify it because it's not "real". It's real when you share a piece of yourself through words or face to face.

Hear Hear Lacey!

The way i see it is that the emotional pain and devastation to a once, loving relationship is just the same. Cybersex is cheating and can’t be rationalised away. Not that I feel a moral obligation to decide that cybersex is cheating, but the reality is that cybersex makes a partner feels betrayed, hurt, jealous, and angry at the discovery!

[Lacey]

Hear Hear Lacey!

The way i see it is that the emotional pain and devastation to a once, loving relationship is just the same. Cybersex is cheating and can’t be rationalised away. Not that I feel a moral obligation to decide that cybersex is cheating, but the reality is that cybersex makes a partner feels betrayed, hurt, jealous, and angry at the discovery!




Exactly!!

[p.J]

Well, I can't fully disagree with that... but then flirting on forums like these is also kind of like cheating... isn't it? Maybe not in the sense of physical cheating, but emotional cheating...

Its the result or the intention that comes from the flirting, be it unconsciously or consciously!

[Han Solo]

Hear Hear Lacey!

The way i see it is that the emotional pain and devastation to a once, loving relationship is just the same. Cybersex is cheating and can’t be rationalised away. Not that I feel a moral obligation to decide that cybersex is cheating, but the reality is that cybersex makes a partner feels betrayed, hurt, jealous, and angry at the discovery!



:sg Whoops...Sorry there PJ, didn't mean to leave you with all that......see what happens when Captain Solo gets a little serious.......just throws EVERYONE all out of whack! :D

[p.J]

:sg Whoops...Sorry there PJ, didn't mean to leave you with all that......see what happens when Captain Solo gets a little serious.......just throws EVERYONE all out of whack! :D

I like seeing the serious side of you now and again... :55 I was beginning to think you were completely bonkers!

[ethans_so_bad]

I like postal sex. That is, where we share a sexual experience through correspondence by regular mail. There's nothing like waiting three weeks to hear what she's doing to herself and then opening the letter and reading only, "mmmmmmm".

[p.J]

I like postal sex. That is, where we share a sexual experience through correspondence by regular mail. There's nothing like waiting three weeks to hear what she's doing to herself and then opening the letter and reading only, "mmmmmmm".

:sc Kinda infers you're 'crap' then??? :rolleyes:

[ethans_so_bad]

So THAT"S what you meant when you wrote it? I thought you were enjoying a bag of M&M's.



:sc Kinda infers you're 'crap' then??? :rolleyes:

[p.J]

So THAT"S what you meant when you wrote it? I thought you were enjoying a bag of M&M's.

In your dreams my friend... and anyway, I never share my M & M's with anyone mmmmmmmm! or otherwise!

[ethans_so_bad]

So you're saying my dream is to exchange dirty letters with a "girl" from across the pond? Id rather have the M&M's.




In your dreams my friend... and anyway, I never share my M & M's with anyone mmmmmmmm! or otherwise!

[p.J]

So you're saying my dream is to exchange dirty letters with a "girl" from across the pond? Id rather have the M&M's.

Dirty letters?? Sounds terribly juvenile... hey! I'd rather you had the M & M 's!

[Han Solo]

I like seeing the serious side of you now and again... :55 I was beginning to think you were completely bonkers!
Well not completely!! MOSTLYmaybe, but not competely! ;)

[p.J]

Well not completely!! MOSTLYmaybe, but not competely! ;)

:D mmmmm! I'll abstain from answering!

[Huzyerdaddi]

But you just did.



:D mmmmm! I'll abstain from answering!

[p.J]

But you just did.

You know Huz, I was waiting for that!

[Huzyerdaddi]

Dammit! If I knew you were waiting....I wouldn't have posted it. I know about the affects of anticipation on you.....;)



You know Huz, I was waiting for that!

[basico70]

my wife think it's cheating. I'm starting to think it's not very different from a fantasy on someone.

[p.J]

Dammit! If I knew you were waiting....I wouldn't have posted it. I know about the affects of anticipation on you.....;)


LOL! and on that note i bid you all a happy evening of Unadulterated exchanges! :kk

[Han Solo]

:D mmmmm! I'll abstain from answering!
Wait.....now are we moving into having 'safe' cyber sex or just abstinence?? :sc

[Dir]

Cybersexx? Can we call that sex? I though for sex physical contact is absolute necessary for me Cyber sex is a modern –computerized way of masturbation:sc

[Huzyerdaddi]

In the southern US, the waitress at the restuarant always asks "sweet or UNsweet" when I order tea. Shouldn't it be "NON sweet" as they didn't actually remove the sugar, but instead, never added the sugar?

Likewise, if one abstains from adultry (as difficult as that might be), wouldn't it "NONadulterated"?


LOL! and on that note i bid you all a happy evening of Unadulterated exchanges! :kk

[p.J]

In the southern US, the waitress at the restuarant always asks "sweet or UNsweet" when I order tea. Shouldn't it be "NON sweet" as they didn't actually remove the sugar, but instead, never added the sugar?

Likewise, if one abstains from adultry (as difficult as that might be), wouldn't it "NONadulterated"?

mmmmmm! I remember...

However, in THIS country the sugar is displayed in bowls for all to see and while some people choose to take the sugar, some do not! Its an unaniminous result isn't it, as the choice is entirely that persons, that is whether or not to have sugar in their coffee!

[cyclops]

urm yes.....:sc

mmmmmm! I remember...

However, in THIS country the sugar is displayed in bowls for all to see and while some people choose to take the sugar, some do not! Its an unaniminous result isn't it, as the choice is entirely that persons, that is whether or not to have sugar in their coffee!

[househub]

there are obvious differences between skin ontopof skin sex, and type ontopof type sex. nevertheless, if cyber became obsessive with someone it could naturally disrupt an otherwise loving marriage. everyones dad and grandpa looked at penthouse or playboy, or fantasized over gina lolabridegita or marilyn monroe. this is simply a different venue for the same masculine interests, though i admit, because the communication is so immediate, it has the potential for doing some damage perhaps, IF one were to allow it. but it also has the possibility of opening up new ways of communication with your partner in life, so take your pick!!!

[TIGUY]

LOL! and on that note i bid you all a happy evening of Unadulterated exchanges! :kk

There ya go Jen....working them all up! LOL! Love this avatar of you the best....hope you are doing well my friend :kk

Thick

[ksue7274]

there are obvious differences between skin ontopof skin sex, and type ontopof type sex. nevertheless, if cyber became obsessive with someone it could naturally disrupt an otherwise loving marriage. everyones dad and grandpa looked at penthouse or playboy, or fantasized over gina lolabridegita or marilyn monroe. this is simply a different venue for the same masculine interests, though i admit, because the communication is so immediate, it has the potential for doing some damage perhaps, IF one were to allow it. but it also has the possibility of opening up new ways of communication with your partner in life, so take your pick!!!

Sounds about right. I also feel if you keep any secrets it is cheating.

[fun2bewith1972]

:blowjob: Sex with a tv screen cheating. No way. Anyway the screen is cold>

[nolarry]

cybersex may be a form of cheating but at least it is a safer form than with another body

[VeryBlueEyes]

This is a fantasy world that i go into and have sex. I don't consider it cheating here but it could lead to cheating if you loose control.

[Augustus]

Yes it is cheating...

Augustus

[bedroomboy]

id have to say no, its not cheating.
for me cheating is actually having sex with someone else,

[Renaissanceman53]

How can it be cheating. They are just words

[whtwmnlvr]

There is no physical contact, just words exchanged. If that is the case, having a fantasy that doesnt involve your significant other is cheating as well.

[PleasurePirate]

It may be, but there are lots of other forms of cheating, too.

[Ottoman]

For me? No.
But if I caught my wife writing intimate letters and sharing secrets and saying she would like to be with another man, then Hell yes, it's cheating.
Is that the ol' double standard or what?

[helloscooter]

I think it's just like playing a video game....just because i play madden 08 doesn't mean i want to leave my job and tryout for the NFL

[Legin]

I don't think its cheating...especially if it enhances your marriage.

I would not mind if my husband did it...I don't need to know...or we can do it together with someone. I don't mind either way....its me he's been in bed with for 30 years.

Shit I am so much more relaxed than I used to be, the playboys he kept in the garage used to bother me....I can't believe how much I've changed in the last couple years.:dd
Well said life is for living, enjoy it have fun , relax melt away in the pleasure it can bring,

[helloscooter]

that's great advice.

[sassy~pants]

I think anything to do with SEX and it's not with your partner is considered cheating

[LuckyJest]

I think anything to do with SEX and it's not with your partner is considered cheating
...agreed...

[mholliday80]

Did it yesterday for the first time and it was a lot of fun. Do people do it on this site. I am still on the reservation.

[mrdc]

I think it is...I also think that people have reasonable justifications for it....we can all sell a lot of behavior that we might have a hard time getting others to endorse because of our individual stories that have brought us to sites like this in the first place.

[Bubblygirlie]

i like to think it isn't ... :sc

[surfnchat]

i like to think it isn't ... :sc

I like the way you think! :ok

[FeIsTy FaV]

I think it's just like playing a video game....just because i play madden 08 doesn't mean i want to leave my job and tryout for the NFL


hahahaha...... interesting...... I like that..

[Momma]

I think I've answered here before, I'm not sure...it's hard to give a definite answer, because everybody has their own opinion of what cheating is....one person is going to say yes, and give their reasons.... then you get a person who says no it's not, and they give their reasons...so I guess it's a matter of each individuals opinion...mine happens to be....No it's not, the way I see it, some kind of actual contact has to be involved....CYBER is fantasy and fun

[Vampireskiss]

OK...explain it for me...having sex with someone, l mean body to body is cheating...right..>? The court's are full of proof. But how can talking to someone on the computer maybe never seeing the person your talking with be cheating...?? So you share some thing you may not want from the person your with..You may have never left the comfort of your own home. And can walk upstair's or back into the house for dinner...so where's the harm...?? Who are you hurting..really???

[gina99]

Probably............but depending on situation, better than an actual offline affair.

[anesdoc74]

Probably............but depending on situation, better than an actual offline affair.

So the connection makes the difference for you?

[midnightcallerman]

This is definitely a good question. In some ways I don't feel that it is cheating but in others ways I do. I miss the thrill of cybersex big time but I have limited time to even attempt it in the way I am accustomed to doing it. The same thing can be said about phonesex. I'd love to have a go at it again but with no real time to do it I have pretty much refrained from it.

[Sunfiresix]

I have a feeling it is, but if it accomplishes what you desire then I think it is ok as long as it is just that --

[cheerymissy_34]

i think if feelings get involved it can be ...yes

[anesdoc74]

i think if feelings get involved it can be ...yes

How do you know that in advance?

[YourAssMyHand]

I wouldn't have to do it if she would live up to her end of the relationship.

[nugnugwinkwink]

never done it,,,,,,,,just like the 1on1 thing to much

[Cotties]

shit yeah...its just a short cut to the real thing...bluddie lazy people cheating

[UltimateNaneki]

If its cheating or not, its the safest sex around. No touching by another and all the pleasure you want.
You can't call him the next week and say you've got a bun in the over. :)