Need your thoughts....

[Kissie]

I got a call from my son Friday night looking for some money to get his ass out of trouble....I told him the bank was closed!!!
He moved out of my house in Vermont in March after him and his wife cause about 15,000 dollars worth of damage....did not tell me and SGT that thye were leaving...although they were $3,000 dollars behind in there rent...we were going to evict them come spring time!!!
It cost me $300 to fix the kitchen sink because they poured a box of rice down it and soaked it for a while with water...after it swelled in the pipes it took me a plumber to get it fixed!!! It also cost me over $500 bux to get there trash out of the house...OMFG...what pigs...I had to pay s cleaning crew another $1000 bux to clean the house...but sill need to make the repairs...have been doing it little by little...I have taken every penny that I have earned for the past 11 weeks and put it into the repairs to the home....
Now done with the rambling....am I wrong for telling him that the bank is closed??? Or should I buy his plane ticket from WA and get him back to MA where the rest of the family is???? He says he is living on the street because his wife and her father have tossed him out...but honestly he should have known that was going to happen...because when he was out there the last time he was told by her father not to come back out there because he was not welcome!!!
His wife and him fight like cats and dogs...and they are abuisve to each other...
GRRRRRRRRR I dont know what to do!!!!!

[MCat]

My first thought is do they have children? Are the kids safe? If there are no kids I guess I would send him the ticket and then tell him the bank is closed. At least you would know he's with family and safe. If there are children involved...he needs to stay where he's at, get a job and take care of his family.

Just my thoughts.....easy to talk when I'm not in your situation.

Good luck and whatever you decide will be the best decision for you....:knuddel:

[Kissie]

MCat his wife and son are still with her father...he is the only one that was tossed out...I am very surprised that they let him stay there this long....actually surprised he is not in jail!!!!

[sawflyman]

we have a son that calls us all the time for money. he used to live with us but after he brought this girl home with him and yes that fought all the time too. we have holes in our walls to prove it. We told him he had to go and find somewhere else to live. He just informed us he walked off his job because they would let him off early cause he had things to do................................STUPID!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Now he has another girl living with him they both have kids not his.............STUPID!!!!!!!!!!............. now how is he going to pay rent.......................................... So have no advice just feel for ya.

[majorfun]

He is a grown ass man...Your husband is in Iraqi...His ass needs to man up or be fucking homeless

[whosdaflirt]

Kissie - I am very sorry to hear about the challenges you face. I cannot even imagine the difficulty in seeing your son act in ways that I sure run counter to everything you tried to impart as you raised him.

I won't be presumptuous enough to think I can offer any type of true understanding. But what I have seen in my experience is that each time an offer of financial assistance is provided to someone who does not take responsibility, the opportunity to make significant changes is squandered. In most cases, only those who have had to deal with the repercussions of their actions ultimately find a way to be remorseful for what they have done and figure out a way to get their lives back on track.

Bringing him back to family may help. But it is more likely that it will simply allow him to feel he will be welcome to try to tap into that family in order to continue to avoid dealing with the penalty for his actions. At some point, he needs to stand on his own, be accountable for his behavior and move forward.

You also have not mentioned his age, his employment status (or lack thereof), his employability...these are additional factors that have to be sorted out if he is to stand on his own two feet.

Again, this is only based on my own observations. I have no right to judge your specific situation and won't do so.

I truly hope in the end everything works out. My prayers remain with you, the SGT, your son and his family.

[Kissie]

Kissie - I am very sorry to hear about the challenges you face. I cannot even imagine the difficulty in seeing your son act in ways that I sure run counter to everything you tried to impart as you raised him.

I won't be presumptuous enough to think I can offer any type of true understanding. But what I have seen in my experience is that each time an offer of financial assistance is provided to someone who does not take responsibility, the opportunity to make significant changes is squandered. In most cases, only those who have had to deal with the repercussions of their actions ultimately find a way to be remorseful for what they have done and figure out a way to get their lives back on track.

Bringing him back to family may help. But it is more likely that it will simply allow him to feel he will be welcome to try to tap into that family in order to continue to avoid dealing with the penalty for his actions. At some point, he needs to stand on his own, be accountable for his behavior and move forward.

You also have not mentioned his age, his employment status (or lack thereof), his employability...these are additional factors that have to be sorted out if he is to stand on his own two feet.

Again, this is only based on my own observations. I have no right to judge your specific situation and won't do so.

I truly hope in the end everything works out. My prayers remain with you, the SGT, your son and his family.



He is 22...and very employable!!!! He had a very good paying job in Vermont making steering colums...till he found out his wife was screwing someone else!!! So he quit his job to keep an eye on her...then got some crappy paying short term jobs to get alittle money flowing through the house but nothing to pay the rent with!!! And she refuses to get off her fat ass to work...feels the world owes her!!!
I have had some serious run ins with her...I will do NOTHING for her....So if he ever wanted to bring her back to the east coast...it would be over...I am not even really sure that I want to bring him back to the east coast...because I am really tired of supporting his ass!!!

[XMONKEYLOVINSX]

I got a call from my son Friday night looking for some money to get his ass out of trouble....I told him the bank was closed!!!
He moved out of my house in Vermont in March after him and his wife cause about 15,000 dollars worth of damage....did not tell me and SGT that thye were leaving...although they were $3,000 dollars behind in there rent...we were going to evict them come spring time!!!
It cost me $300 to fix the kitchen sink because they poured a box of rice down it and soaked it for a while with water...after it swelled in the pipes it took me a plumber to get it fixed!!! It also cost me over $500 bux to get there trash out of the house...OMFG...what pigs...I had to pay s cleaning crew another $1000 bux to clean the house...but sill need to make the repairs...have been doing it little by little...I have taken every penny that I have earned for the past 11 weeks and put it into the repairs to the home....
Now done with the rambling....am I wrong for telling him that the bank is closed??? Or should I buy his plane ticket from WA and get him back to MA where the rest of the family is???? He says he is living on the street because his wife and her father have tossed him out...but honestly he should have known that was going to happen...because when he was out there the last time he was told by her father not to come back out there because he was not welcome!!!
His wife and him fight like cats and dogs...and they are abuisve to each other...
GRRRRRRRRR I dont know what to do!!!!!
i bet you think you are wrong because its your son but i think you are perfectly fine in saying bank closed. in my opinion if someone is screwing up and keeps screwing up always having someone there to get them out of trouble is never gonna teach him to take car of himself. i was in a situation a while back i lived with this girl who was 2 years older than me her parents were loaded.. like filthy rich and this girl didnt know crap she was lazy. i mean lazy.. this girl didnt know how to do wash or even put sheets on a bed i was living with her for about a year and a half and i couldnt take it i was the only one in the house bustin my ass and i knew she would be lost if she didnt have some one to live with her so i left her mom had spoken to me breifly when i was going and i told her how i felt about her daughter and i said she would never make it on her own and she needed a dose of reality. her mom came to visit her two weeks later to find everything in shambles. point is when someone is always there doing everything for you they eventually come to expect it and even depend on it. he will never learn to fend for himself if you keep helping him out.

[RedVixen]

He is a grown ass man...Your husband is in Iraqi...His ass needs to man up or be fucking homeless

You know I love you Major, but I think your statement is a little harsh. It's hard to turn your back on your child, no matter how old they are, they are still your child.

Kissie: I think it would be in your son's best interest because of his son, to find a job and a place to provide stability for his son where he's living at now. Moving back home will just weaken his ties to his own son. No child should have to go through that. JMO. I'd be sending some money his way - but not a fortune - enough to get him on his feet and hopefully on the right path for his future.

[Annie]

Kissie, you are right... the bank is closed!! You have given more than enough to support him last year... another finacial handout will only lead to another. He's never going to support himself and his son until the tap runs dry!

[Wil]

He is a grown ass man...Your husband is in Iraqi...His ass needs to man up or be fucking homeless

Kissie Darlin....afraid major's right...boy's gotta stand up to the plate....

[Annie]

You know I love you Major, but I think your statement is a little harsh. It's hard to turn your back on your child, no matter how old they are, they are still your child.

Yes, it is her son. Some lessons are a bit harder to teach, he needs to learn a little independance... he needs to learn to help himself now! He needs to stop taking advantage of others!!

Kissie... cut the apron strings today!!

[rainbowhigh]

Kissie, I hate to hear about this. You don't need all this stress...


I have to say, IMHO, the bank should be closed. If he is able to work and support himself and his family then that's what he needs to do. He needs to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with that. It will make him feel better about himself if he's doing what he knows he should be doing. (We are going through this a little bit in my family at the moment, too, with my brother-in-law. He has a wife and 3 kids that he is currently separated from because he refuses to get a job - and he's almost 38 years old. His mom just recently kicked him out of her house.)

I guess my point is if something isn't done to break the cycle now, it will just continue for who knows how long. We'll continue to pray for you, hon. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

[Kissie]

Well I couldnt afford to send him enough money to set up household in WA anyway...concidering SGT and I have been paying rent here in GA and our mortgage in VT for the past 18 months...that is 1850 bux a month!!! Besides we have other bills to pay to keep our house going here in GA!!!!

Like I said I have spent every dime I have made since I started work 11 weeks ago to fix what they have destroyed in my home in VT...so I kinda feel like I am working for nothing!!!

[hoss]

Kissie ...the bank is closed ....something i know from personal knowledge ....i recently got my daughter and her bf out of debt ...they got a inheritance of 8000 on top of that ...they blew the money and now are back in debt ..they both work ...i told her thats it ...the banks closed ....but it tears my heart ,i think about it all the time ...but i know deep down if i keep bailing them out ,then they wont learn and wont grow up ...my daughter is 20 ,she smart ,but not when it comes to money ...

tough love is something we as parents need to do ...its not turning your back on them ,its telling them its time to grow up ,that mommy and daddy wont always be there for u ...its not shuttiing them out of your life ,if he need to live on the street ,there is shelters ,places to go ...

you have done what u can with him ,now is his tiime to either grow up or fail ..its nothing u did ,or the way u raised him ...i wish u all the best ....

[Pebbles]

Yes, it is her son. Some lessons are a bit harder to teach, he needs to learn a little independance... he needs to learn to help himself now! He needs to stop taking advantage of others!!

Kissie... cut the apron strings today!!


Oh Kissie...just started reading this thread. So sorry to hear about this. I agree with Annie. Know cutting the apron strings is going to be hard..but sounds like its a very good idea. Your son is not a kid any more. He is a adult and he needs to grow up and quit taking advantage of others. The Bank should be closed and stayed closed. Good luck Kissie. Will be sending positive thoughts your way. :kk

[snowflake]

I don't have any words of wisdom, I haven't crossed that bridge just wanted to say "Sorry this is happening to your family right now, Tough Love is the Hardest Love... My thoughts and prayers are with you...".... :kk