Affairs and Telling

[BlueEyedBoy]

If you had an affair would you tell your spouse?

[Sweetdreams069]

Just had one for six months and managed not to tell anyone. Not easy I must say. Some co-workers knew something was going on but never gave in to the temptation of telling anyone.

[PunkyBob]

Hell no! *IF* I got away with it, why would I make her miserable by throwing it in her face??

[DeTazMan]

If it was an affair I would say no. If it was a mutually agreed upon thing then I would give her the details

[UltimateNaneki]

It took me a while to choose, but in the long run I wouldn't say a thing. Why hurt the spouse more?

[RedVixen]

If you had an affair would you tell your spouse?

Absolutely not, why would you?? If you're really, really good at sneaking around, then you'll never get caught either :D

[MIGHTY]

My husband and I actually had a conversation about this once. He told me that if we got a divorce because I cheated then our son would live with him. I asked him why and what our child would have to do with cheating and divorce......he said my son would live with him as a punishment to me for what I had done. It was at that moment that I decided that I would never, ever say a word to him in regards to an affair I may have had......no matter how much I might want to confess.

[thickitalian]

This question is a little confusing Blue Boy...why the hell would we tell our spouse if we had an affair...you may as well just ask permission before you have the affair if you think you should tell your spouse? Or...are you saying after an affair...the guilt complex may have you tell?...anyway...those who answer yes are probably those with a very open marriage where this stuff is agreed upon.

My thoughts...


If you had an affair would you tell your spouse?

[scoobertina]

I wouldn't tell him, unless he asked.... thank god he hasn't asked yet... I might have to spill the beans, and I am not yet ready to be single again... I need a couple more years to prepare....

[Alonelyboy4u]

only if I was ready for it to end. If the one I had the affair with was the one then it is time to tell. Any realy rich woman out there want an affair? (remember I am a joker)

[Sunfiresix]

I don't think it will ever happen, but if I did I wouldn't say a thing, it would make matters worse.

[OICurready4me]

Nope, nado, no way. If she were to catch me, that is one thing because then the cat is out of the bag. But to come right out and admit it for no reason, that wouldn't happen. I can live with it. Will it bother me, yes.... but I don't believe it would ever get to the point that I would tell her, unprovoked.

[cherokeered]

No....no reason...if i am ending the marriage, why make it worse and use it as an excuse....if i want the marriage to work, why even have one instead of working on the marriage...so no, see no point unless caught or confronted....

[thickitalian]

Punishment by messing up your child's life ( there are not too many Dad's that can do the same job as a Mom...no matter what they think)...something seems odd about that...looks like you have your hands full Hun....the courts are on your side though...:55



My husband and I actually had a conversation about this once. He told me that if we got a divorce because I cheated then our son would live with him. I asked him why and what our child would have to do with cheating and divorce......he said my son would live with him as a punishment to me for what I had done. It was at that moment that I decided that I would never, ever say a word to him in regards to an affair I may have had......no matter how much I might want to confess.

[MCat]

My husband and I actually had a conversation about this once. He told me that if we got a divorce because I cheated then our son would live with him. I asked him why and what our child would have to do with cheating and divorce......he said my son would live with him as a punishment to me for what I had done. It was at that moment that I decided that I would never, ever say a word to him in regards to an affair I may have had......no matter how much I might want to confess.

If you ask me, its a crap Dad who would use the child in that manner.

Hope you can avoid all that....for your sons sake. :knuddel:

[dave42]

My husband and I actually had a conversation about this once. He told me that if we got a divorce because I cheated then our son would live with him. I asked him why and what our child would have to do with cheating and divorce......he said my son would live with him as a punishment to me for what I had done. It was at that moment that I decided that I would never, ever say a word to him in regards to an affair I may have had......no matter how much I might want to confess.My wife would probably react like that too. Thats one reason I would never tell. And if she asked I would lie about it or deny it. I got my revenge and that's good enough for me. It's like the old saying, "let sleeping dogs lie".

[dave42]

Nope, nado, no way. If she were to catch me, that is one thing because then the cat is out of the bag. But to come right out and admit it for no reason, that wouldn't happen. I can live with it. Will it bother me, yes.... but I don't believe it would ever get to the point that I would tell her, unprovoked.I couldn't agree with you more.

[GaMan]

I guess there would be alot of factors to consider...I had an affair at the end of my first marriage. I didn't tell her because it was pointless. It was ending anyway...

Now I'm in a much better marriage....but I still wouldn't tell! Unless I had no choice.

So, I guess my answer is...no freakin way!

[bryan3636]

Nope, nada, no way, absolutely not, uh uh, simply not going to happen

[Sneaky]

If you had an affair would you tell your spouse?

No. What good could it possibly serve other than to throw my marriage in the toilet, and hurt my spouse?

[eternus]

Seems to me that admitting it is canceling out a big part of the thrill. I wouldn't want to hurt my wife or throw away my marriage. Not to mention what it would do to the "affair" status of my relationship... it'd just be dating then. =oP

[thickitalian]

We live in times that are quite different than when we were younger and although sex with another partner other than our spouse has always been there, it's been a lot more private than it is now. There is so much out there to tempt us in this day and age...sometimes we only need to go to the local store or mall and the eye contact alone and smile from another is enough of an invitation. Online sex...as I can see how this site has changed in the past five months...is prevalent, and most newbies have come in from porn sites and sex dating sites as it is in black and white from their very first post.


I suppose our previous lifestyle has a lot to do with whether or not our sexual thirst overtakes our marriage vows but the complacency issues that develop in a marriage after a number of years or just a few years with two lovers that should never have gotten married in the first place. We all have our reasons but sex is the main theme even though we fall in love with others...others we never even have met (pretty incredible huh?).

I truly wonder if those relatives, friends, co-workers, and neighbors we all know who seem to have a great marriage...how many of them are caught up in this as well? After all, it has been said time and again here at M&F that we love our spouses and aside from the sex and complacency issues...I would have to think that we are happy with our marriages.

Thick's thoughts...:sc

[OpBob]

I wouldn't tell my wife, either. Telling her would be like taking a load of bricks off of my shoulders and putting them on hers. It would only make her and our marriage miserable and has a high potential to end our marriage.

Occasionally, my wife will ask me if I am having an affair since our relationship has not been going very well lately. (Which could be why I am here!!)

[BlueEyedBoy]

I have been on both side of this question. I have been the cheater and have been cheated on. And if you care for that person you are with do not ever tall them. It will only hurt them.

Guilt is a strong emotion. If you need to confess do not confess to your spouse. Confess to sum one that will never tall your secret.

This question is a little confusing Blue Boy...why the hell would we tell our spouse if we had an affair...you may as well just ask permission before you have the affair if you think you should tell your spouse? Or...are you saying after an affair...the guilt complex may have you tell?...anyway...those who answer yes are probably those with a very open marriage where this stuff is agreed upon.

My thoughts...

[MIGHTY]

Punishment by messing up your child's life ( there are not too many Dad's that can do the same job as a Mom...no matter what they think)...something seems odd about that...looks like you have your hands full Hun....the courts are on your side though...:55

We had this conversation over 5 years ago.....and needless to say I was shocked when I found out he wasn't just telling a very bad joke. He is not the same man, or even same dad to my son anymore. Don't think for a second that I wouldn't fight with every fiber in my being to get my child back with me. I guess it was disheartening to find out how callas he could really be if he wanted to. Just another reason I am playing peacekeeper until we go our separate ways.

[MIGHTY]

If you ask me, its a crap Dad who would use the child in that manner.

Hope you can avoid all that....for your sons sake. :knuddel:

I try my best to avoid it every single day.......

[unctarheel_32]

theres noway that i would use my child like that n a situation that involved me and my spouse it just aint right

[pointofnoreturn]

Trying to make yourself feel better by confessing is not right. You did it. You keep it to yourself. No reason in the world to hurt the other...

[yaser]

Trying to make yourself feel better by confessing is not right. You did it. You keep it to yourself. No reason in the world to hurt the other...
We must keep our secrets secret?

[My_Secrets_Kept]

Some things are just better left unsaid, this imo would fall into that catagory. There is no need to hurt your spouse in order to unburden yourself.

An ex had a fling with a girl that we both knew, he then felt the need to tell me about it, although his reasons for telling me were less to unburden himself & more along the lines of everyone else knowing and he was making sure that I heard it from him first. Looking back, I think I was more upset about his motives for confessing than I was about the fling itself.

Honestly, if my husband were ever to fool around I wouldn't want to know about it!

[missgrace]

everything i read.. says its much worse to tell... why hurt the spouse that much more? ...i remember reading that in Dear Abbey.. years ago..lol

[oldandnaked]

Why would anyone volunteer that information? The only motive I see is wanting to hurt your partner. If you're feeling that guilty and must tell someone to clear your consience then go see a priest.

[wall-flower]

OMG NNOOOOOO!!!!!
He already searches my computer for evidence I've been where I shouldn't be. (good thing he is not computer smart) If I told him about an affair...I might as well glue him to my backside. He would never let me have any freedom.

[GaMan]

Why would I want to be cruel to her? No way...

[OICurready4me]

Think of it this way..... if you can't hold it in and plan on telling her think of how much fun it would be to have your dick put in a guillotine. Good luck.

[mer]

lol thats a really good point! it only hurts the other person, there's no reason tell!




Think of it this way..... if you can't hold it in and plan on telling her think of how much fun it would be to have your dick put in a guillotine. Good luck.

[PlayfulMale69]

Think of it this way..... if you can't hold it in and plan on telling her think of how much fun it would be to have your dick put in a guillotine. Good luck.

I have an image of Lorena Bobbit in my mind for some reason. :dd

[OICurready4me]

I have an image of Lorena Bobbit in my mind for some reason. :dd


Thats exactly what I was alluding to

[PlayfulMale69]

Thats exactly what I was alluding to

Kind of puts a damper on sharing secrets with the wife, huh? That was so crazy when it happened I would have thought someone was making it up.

[CuriousGeorge]

If a husband and wife could develop the kind of intimate relationship where they were virtually transparent with one another, opening up their soul and telling each other everything, then it would be impossible for an affair to develop in the first place. But who has that kind of relationship?

If my wife were to have an affair, I think I'd rather not know about it. But I hate the idea that I could be so clueless about her needs and her life that she could have an affair without me finding out.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I think this is one time where that's untrue. An ongoing affair, or a pattern of affairs, is probably a symptom of a deep need that is unmet. If it continues unchecked, it can only cause a couple to drift further and further apart. Finding out about an affair might be just the wake-up call I need to pay closer attention to meeting her needs in our relationship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the damage to the relationship isn't done by the revelation of an affair. By that time, the damage has already been done. If you feel you can work to repair that without burdening your spouse with the knowledge of your affair, then that's great. But without honesty in a relationship, there is no real intimacy. I don't think I could be satisfied with that kind of relationship.

[PlayfulMale69]

If a husband and wife could develop the kind of intimate relationship where they were virtually transparent with one another, opening up their soul and telling each other everything, then it would be impossible for an affair to develop in the first place. But who has that kind of relationship?

If my wife were to have an affair, I think I'd rather not know about it. But I hate the idea that I could be so clueless about her needs and her life that she could have an affair without me finding out.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I think this is one time where that's untrue. An ongoing affair, or a pattern of affairs, is probably a symptom of a deep need that is unmet. If it continues unchecked, it can only cause a couple to drift further and further apart. Finding out about an affair might be just the wake-up call I need to pay closer attention to meeting her needs in our relationship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the damage to the relationship isn't done by the revelation of an affair. By that time, the damage has already been done. If you feel you can work to repair that without burdening your spouse with the knowledge of your affair, then that's great. But without honesty in a relationship, there is no real intimacy. I don't think I could be satisfied with that kind of relationship.

Very well said. I would also find out I was not aware of an unmet need in my wife's life, sexual or otherwise.

[ldon]

If your wife told you she had an affair and felt guilty about it, how would you feel? Personally, it would give me an excuse to do the same. Probably end a marriage though.

[OpBob]

Idon - it doesn't have to end the marriage if an affair is disclosed. It does take a lot of work to heal the hurt AND resolve the issues that were already in the marriage. Trust me...it takes a lot of work!!

[hank69]

Idon - it doesn't have to end the marriage if an affair is disclosed. It does take a lot of work to heal the hurt AND resolve the issues that were already in the marriage. Trust me...it takes a lot of work!!


Sorry for me it wouldn't heal ....... ever........so there would be no more trust and the marriage would be over in my eyes...that's my thoughts

[Annie]

If a husband and wife could develop the kind of intimate relationship where they were virtually transparent with one another, opening up their soul and telling each other everything, then it would be impossible for an affair to develop in the first place. But who has that kind of relationship?

If my wife were to have an affair, I think I'd rather not know about it. But I hate the idea that I could be so clueless about her needs and her life that she could have an affair without me finding out.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I think this is one time where that's untrue. An ongoing affair, or a pattern of affairs, is probably a symptom of a deep need that is unmet. If it continues unchecked, it can only cause a couple to drift further and further apart. Finding out about an affair might be just the wake-up call I need to pay closer attention to meeting her needs in our relationship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the damage to the relationship isn't done by the revelation of an affair. By that time, the damage has already been done. If you feel you can work to repair that without burdening your spouse with the knowledge of your affair, then that's great. But without honesty in a relationship, there is no real intimacy. I don't think I could be satisfied with that kind of relationship. Very well said! I completely agree!

[dartgirl]

I too do not see any need in telling. It would only hurt him and although I'm sure that it would end my marriage, I'd rather not end it that way. I have known a couple of guys whose wifes have had affairs and when they found out they commited suicide. I almost think hubby might do something like that or....... I don't need that kind of guilt, got enough already knowing that I've disappointed him cuz I don't love him the way he wants me to.

[Phlirt]

Ok, gonna chime in...

I recently told my husband of the one time I cheated on him. This was years ago, with a co-worker, bad situation basically. It was one time.

He was very understanding, and didn't blame me (I won't go into the story, but it wasn't about me wanting the guy). I was amazed that he understood so well.

I went into it, prepared for the worst, and he surprised me by having the best reaction. So my only advice is to be prepared for the worst case scenario, and hope for the best.

[Guymisseswife]

I think I would have flipped out if it was me.

[ldon]

The only way I could be stoic about my wife admitting an affair and just going on with my life is if had been unfaithful and now we were even. But deep down, I would always wonder about trust by either of us.



Ok, gonna chime in...

I recently told my husband of the one time I cheated on him. This was years ago, with a co-worker, bad situation basically. It was one time.

He was very understanding, and didn't blame me (I won't go into the story, but it wasn't about me wanting the guy). I was amazed that he understood so well.

I went into it, prepared for the worst, and he surprised me by having the best reaction. So my only advice is to be prepared for the worst case scenario, and hope for the best.

[Phlirt]

Well we're not exactly at the highest point of our marriage either. He is currently in the "save our marriage" mode, so I don't think it mattered what I said. If I had told him about this a year ago, then it would have been a different reaction.

[OpBob]

Well we're not exactly at the highest point of our marriage either. He is currently in the "save our marriage" mode, so I don't think it mattered what I said. If I had told him about this a year ago, then it would have been a different reaction.

Do you think he may be in an affair himself?

[Guymisseswife]

Hopefully you never face it again.

[Phlirt]

Do you think he may be in an affair himself?
No I don't think so. The way his life revolves around me, he doesn't seem to have interest in others. I've questioned him over and over and never found any reason to believe he has had an affair.



Hopefully you never face it again.
I will never cheat on him again. So, no, we won't.

[ldon]

Do everything you can to save your marriage. Looking back, I wish I had. But when the shrink says to cut your looses, what's left. Have you seen a marrige councelor?

[Phlirt]

Do everything you can to save your marriage. Looking back, I wish I had. But when the shrink says to cut your looses, what's left. Have you seen a marrige councelor?

Yeah, but she told us I have to work on me first. Seems I have depression and we need to get that under control. So I have an appt with her in a couple weeks, then once I am "fixed", we can decide about our marriage.

[Guymisseswife]

I wish you luck, I Hope it all works out for you two.

[Phlirt]

Thanks.

[ldon]

Depression sux. I have bouts myself, being a caregiver is stressful and some days I don't see how I can do this the rest of my life. But then, I see people worse off. When I was in Vegas 3 weeks ago, i visited my 25 year old nephew in the hospital. He has cancer.

I found out Dave from work had a motorcycle accident in Wisconsin last Saturday and his wife died. Why am I depressed sometimes? I don't know when you compare your life to others. Hang in there.

[Madison-Mike]

Idon, when I get down, I do the same. No matter how bad things seem to suck for me, I am surrounded by others that have it a lot worse.

I think it may be a character flaw of mine, but seeing that others have bigger problems can tend to cheer me up from my own.

[ldon]

Not a character flaw. just appreciative that your life isn't as bad as theirs. Thing about depression for me is things always get better. Anybody out ther depressed? Cheer up.

[Madison-Mike]

I believe it was the Doors that sang "I've been down so God damned long, that it looks like up to me." Even when looking in the mirror, the glass can still be half-full.

[mrh50]

Nevery Had one

[MCat]

If a husband and wife could develop the kind of intimate relationship where they were virtually transparent with one another, opening up their soul and telling each other everything, then it would be impossible for an affair to develop in the first place. But who has that kind of relationship?

If my wife were to have an affair, I think I'd rather not know about it. But I hate the idea that I could be so clueless about her needs and her life that she could have an affair without me finding out.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I think this is one time where that's untrue. An ongoing affair, or a pattern of affairs, is probably a symptom of a deep need that is unmet. If it continues unchecked, it can only cause a couple to drift further and further apart. Finding out about an affair might be just the wake-up call I need to pay closer attention to meeting her needs in our relationship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the damage to the relationship isn't done by the revelation of an affair. By that time, the damage has already been done. If you feel you can work to repair that without burdening your spouse with the knowledge of your affair, then that's great. But without honesty in a relationship, there is no real intimacy. I don't think I could be satisfied with that kind of relationship.

Very good post George.....:knuddel:

[onceamarine]

I cannot think of one good reason to tell. Wait a minute, maybe if.... nope, I can't think of one good reason to tell.

[Sabrina]

Have learned how to live that double life and it is too damn fun to let it go.....so, NO WAY!!

[wall-flower]

I cannot think of one good reason to tell. Wait a minute, maybe if.... nope, I can't think of one good reason to tell.


HAHA!!

What about when a paternity test gets issued to you???

[onceamarine]

I still don't think I need to tell, because at that point the test is doing the talking for the both of us.

[scottd]

never tell, if i got caught in the act i would still deny it

[wall-flower]

I still don't think I need to tell, because at that point the test is doing the talking for the both of us.

Ahhh good point

[pointofnoreturn]

Yeah, but she told us I have to work on me first. Seems I have depression and we need to get that under control. So I have an appt with her in a couple weeks, then once I am "fixed", we can decide about our marriage.Good luck on getting fixed. I ammore a mess now than before therapy, and I have been seeing mine for alomost a year.. I guess I was a mess before. Just covered it up well.oh , and the answer to the affair question would be no.I would not tell him.

[OpBob]

Good luck on getting fixed. I ammore a mess now than before therapy, and I have been seeing mine for alomost a year.. I guess I was a mess before. Just covered it up well.oh , and the answer to the affair question would be no.I would not tell him.

Point - you may want to think about finding another therapist. My third therapist was the one who helped the most. I am disappointed that I did not change therapists sooner - wasted my time.

By the way, I would not tell my wife I had an affair.

[Guymisseswife]

I would tell my wife.

[bryan3636]

I would tell my wife.

You might want to think about that a bit Guy...although I'm sure the
judge might be more lenient on his sentencing your wife for murdering you.

[Phlirt]

You might want to think about that a bit Guy...although I'm sure the
judge might be more lenient on his sentencing your wife for murdering you.

:lmao

[pointofnoreturn]

Point - you may want to think about finding another therapist. My third therapist was the one who helped the most. I am disappointed that I did not change therapists sooner - wasted my time.

By the way, I would not tell my wife I had an affair.You know a few people have said that to me. Problem is..she is right about almost everything I have told her. Just have not ever really let a lot of people see the real me. I don't know I will see if another therapist might help/?

[OpBob]

You know a few people have said that to me. Problem is..she is right about almost everything I have told her. Just have not ever really let a lot of people see the real me. I don't know I will see if another therapist might help/?

Another way of looking at it is that even though your therapist is very good at pinpointing what she sees in you, she may not be very good at giving you suggestions to help you out. My second therapist was good a diagnosing me...but I was left with what do I do about it??? Yes, I had a somewhat difficult childhood, but what does that mean for me today? I found another therapist that was very helpful to me.

Something you may want to think about, Point.

[WandaRing]

If I had an affair would I tell my spouse…my first reaction would be no! When I became ill, my husband could only think of his own sexual needs and desires. He continually harassed me until I gave into him. Why didn’t I leave him?, because I was ill, my nephew had just moved in with us, and the money situation wasn’t very good.

My husband decided to use porn, which I could handle but he also used hookers. He would at times come home and tell me about his play time or point out a hooker he slept with. I felt degraded, appalling, ugly and useless, I still feel like that most days.

Off hand I would say don’t tell him/her, don’t create more pain for them but if you are caught it is always better to be truthful and admit to it. If you feel guilty and need to tell someone, talk to a counselor. Not your spouse or your best friend, its just having someone else living with your guilt and actions.

I would also tell a person to think of the reasons why you want to do this. Is it a one time thing? Is your sex life so bad, that you need or want to go somewhere else- have you talked about it with him/her? Did it just happen, or are you putting yourself somewhere so that it will happen? Also think about your spouse, what would they say to you if they walked into a room and saw you with someone? Can you live with the guilt?

[cheerymissy_34]

HELL NO..i would get killed

[Casperthefriendlyghost]

Hell No deny everything even if you are caught in the act. Honey I slipped and my dick slammed right into her pussy. I hope she's ok.
If that is REDVIXEN's real picture I think I need a napkin. Holy shit I love a nice bum but that is a work of art.

[fishon]

telling can do more harn than just ruining a marriage. It can hurt your spouse and your children, it can hurt family relations, it can cause broken friendships and it will change the way alot of people see you

[Phlirt]

telling can do more harn than just ruining a marriage. It can hurt your spouse and your children, it can hurt family relations, it can cause broken friendships and it will change the way alot of people see you

But if you care about all these things, maybe you shouldn't cheat to begin with...

[papabear48]

great point Phoenix

[fishon]

You're absolutely right Phoenix

[Pink4You]

telling can do more harm than just ruining a marriage. It can hurt your spouse and your children, it can hurt family relations, it can cause broken friendships and it will change the way alot of people see you

I agree. Hopefully you enjoyed the affair and that the other person was special to you and not just some one night stand from a bar.

Would you cheat if you found out that your spouse is cheating?

[lookforchat]

i kissed an ex while engaged. god knows why . this was 6 years ago and i stil suffer from my now husband, for tellomg ,,but i cudn't live with the guilt,, im an honest person at heart, i have punished myself alot, but his reminders never stop. im nearly sorry i came clean b4 we wed

[cherokeered]

i kissed an ex while engaged. god knows why . this was 6 years ago and i stil suffer from my now husband, for tellomg ,,but i cudn't live with the guilt,, im an honest person at heart, i have punished myself alot, but his reminders never stop. im nearly sorry i came clean b4 we wed


I know they say confession is good for the soul...but the rest of you suffers for it


Welcome to the site....:wa:

[lookforchat]

thanks dont know if i feel any better tho ..

[cherokeered]

thanks dont know if i feel any better tho ..


LOL....doubt you do....once you say it, you cant take it back...and it's never forgotten....

[My_Secrets_Kept]

i kissed an ex while engaged. god knows why . this was 6 years ago and i stil suffer from my now husband, for tellomg ,,but i cudn't live with the guilt,, im an honest person at heart, i have punished myself alot, but his reminders never stop. im nearly sorry i came clean b4 we wed


Warped sounding or not, I subscribe to the theory that some thing are just better left unsaid! I'd rather deal with a guilty conscious on my own, than have it thrown in my face at any given moment and both of us feeling horrible becuase of it.

Welcome to the site hon :wa: enjoy yourself here!

[lookforchat]

yeah.. i realise i shud suffer but for how long ?

[cheerymissy_34]

Hell NO

[cherokeered]

yeah.. i realise i shud suffer but for how long ?


why should you suffer???....You made a mistake and confessed...I'm sure you apologised for it...so it's time to move on...
I am going to guess you kissed your ex out of fear...but you still married your husband....so perhaps the next time he brings it up...remind him of this...and say it's time to move on now...

good luck...but I know, some people like to dangle things over people....it's a power thing....

[lookforchat]

I Feel Like.. I Didn't Have Sex .. It Was Just A Snog, And Ive N Ever Never Been Unfaithful Since.so Im Like Ivw Had Enufff Reminders.. Get Over It... Am I Too Harsh?

[cherokeered]

No...you arent too harsh...

I Feel Like.. I Didn't Have Sex .. It Was Just A Snog, And Ive N Ever Never Been Unfaithful Since.so Im Like Ivw Had Enufff Reminders.. Get Over It... Am I Too Harsh?

[lookforchat]

THANKS NICE TO SEE SOMEONE DOESNT THINK IM THE BIGGEST B



why should you suffer???....You made a mistake and confessed...I'm sure you apologised for it...so it's time to move on...
I am going to guess you kissed your ex out of fear...but you still married your husband....so perhaps the next time he brings it up...remind him of this...and say it's time to move on now...

good luck...but I know, some people like to dangle things over people....it's a power thing....

[cherokeered]

THANKS NICE TO SEE SOMEONE DOESNT THINK IM THE BIGGEST B


Hun...there are worse things in life than what you did....

[lookforchat]

You Know Ive Had A Few Glasses Of Vino And I Feel Good ,, Like I Am Free.. Guess Whre He Is Right Now..yes The Famous Irish Local!!!!

[cherokeered]

You Know Ive Had A Few Glasses Of Vino And I Feel Good ,, Like I Am Free.. Guess Whre He Is Right Now..yes The Famous Irish Local!!!!

Well glad you're feeling good....hope you have fun here....:wa:

[lookforchat]

I Know Im Gud .. N Ur Replies Just Confirm It .. Tanx Alot New Amigo!!

[cherokeered]

I Know Im Gud .. N Ur Replies Just Confirm It .. Tanx Alot New Amigo!!

your welcome hun.....glad I was able to reaffirm what you already knew to be true....

[lookforchat]

Im Happy Just Known Theres Someone Just Listening To Mw

[zobman]

I have a ear and am willing. Just E me!

[MIGHTY]

I've been tempted to tell on many occasions. Not to hurt him mind you, but to show him that I AM worthy of another man's attention and affection and appreciation. I am worthy of love.......

[OICurready4me]

I've been tempted to tell on many occasions. Not to hurt him mind you, but to show him that I AM worthy of another man's attention and affection and appreciation. I am worthy of love.......


The day you walk out the door, he will realize that the best thing that ever happened to him he let get away....and I will be smiling with a big Kool Aid smile on my face....

You are more than worthy of love, my dear. You deserve it more than anyone I know.

[p.a]

Hell no! *IF* I got away with it, why would I make her miserable by throwing it in her face??

EXACTLY!!!:55

[nugnugwinkwink]

hell no,,,,,,, that'd be just plane silly

[fever]

I suspect most people who tell w/out having been caught do so because of the guilt. It's one of the things I think people don't anticipate. As for me, if I were to ever have an affair, the guilty becomes my own problem...I don't get to excise it by hurt him!!!

[92115guy]

I don't get to excise it by hurt him!!!

Responsible immorality...hehe

OK, I obviously meant that in a light hearted way. But I agree with what you said. The guilt would be something that I shoulder and it wouldn't be fair to put that onto her.

But I wonder if the reason for the affair would affect my view on telling my spouse?

james

[kjguy43]

Have not had an affair yet, but if I did, I would not, there are some things just better not said. That tends tobe one of them!

[Sparklineyez]

No, I would not tell. No point in telling.

[Krystal]

mmmm....nope!

[irishjock]

ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!? no way!!!

[MSU]

No, wouldn't.

A) Don't want death. :)
B) Would sharing the guilt help?

Haven't had one, so nothing to worry about right now.

[gatorgal]

Tough question... Dont know... If I didnt have children involved... then yes..

[Constance]

I think not.

[dixiechiknga]

I may be blonde (duh) but not that stupid!

[MrHyde]

Negative.

[private beaches]

I may be blonde (duh) but not that stupid!

Bingo!! (never had one though, just for the record!)

[Dmy]

No way. I would like to live out the rest of my life with some peace!

[stellabelle]

No way. I would like to live out the rest of my life with some peace!

Ditto!

[rj1002]

First rule for living: Never intentionally hurt someone else.

What would be the purpose of telling her and what would be the likely consequence?

I'm assuming that we're talking about after the affair is over. Seems like, in most cases, the only thing accomplished by telling her, other than assuaging my own guilt, would be to rub her nose in it. Can't say that would help things much. On the other hand, if one were to use that as a jumping off point to try to fix a broken marriage... I don't know. It can get complicated. But I think that saying anything afterward would most likely just make matters worse.

Of course, if the affair is still going on, then there are a whole host of other issues to deal with, but I'm guessing that's not what we're talking about here.

[fever]

Responsible immorality...hehe

OK, I obviously meant that in a light hearted way. But I agree with what you said. The guilt would be something that I shoulder and it wouldn't be fair to put that onto her.

But I wonder if the reason for the affair would affect my view on telling my spouse?

james

You make a really good point...I'd like to think that it does not matter why, but then I can think of some situations where it would...retribution being the biggest one. I hope I'd take a higher road than that, and I hope I still wouldn't tell to assuage my own guilt, but I suspect you're right....the reason could make a difference.

[Dsparate No More]

I did have an affair and told my husband...not because I felt guilty (which I didn't), he just suspected it and our marriage was over anyway...he did feel better knowing the truth, but not better with the knowledge that I was done with the marriage...

[MiSt09]

No, I would keep my mouth shut.

[Wil]

...hold on...let me think...aahhh.....no...

[airborne soldier]

telling of an affair won't make it better it only creates more problems... ignorance is bliss...

[pointofnoreturn]

No.

[Tndream]

Not in this lifetime, or in the next..

[notonly4her]

No - A Gentleman Never Tells

[airborne soldier]

i agree

[michigan_lady]

No.

[Sylar]

There was a time in my life when I coulda answered "no" to this question, but alas, that time has passed.

I wouldn't be able to hide it. I can't even lie to my spouse about what I want for lunch, much less trying to lie about parking my car in someone else's garage. Either I have too much of a conscience, or she is just that good at knowing me.

Either way, yeah, I'd have to confess.

[Bedrock]

No

[tw2008]

Not during this milennia

[timd1223]

why would anyone say yes? Admit nothing.

[Daisymay75]

why would anyone say yes? Admit nothing.


I agree!

[Fwd40s]

My lips would be sealed

[Bedrock]

If you feel the need to tell someone, go to a therapist, or a confessional, or a friend.

[SweetDreams362]

no!! no!! and did i no!!

[arch30NC]

I want to keep my dick!!

[coug511]

Not a chance in hell

[lilolekimba67(f)]

heck no

[blondevixen1]

Probably not.

Would you want to be told?

[texsgal]

if i did and he asked me I would tell him.. im not a good liar

[cherri]

I've had an affair for two years. Yes, I did tell after two months into it. I'm glad I did. The man I had an affair with was single and had nothing to loose. I took all the risk and he knew it. Later, when he wanted more from me, he tried using it as leverage. Didn't work, I already told on myself. Being open and honest, helped in the fact, that I didn't have to lie or sneak around.
Would I do it again? Yes, and he already knows I have and he doesn't ask to many questions of me. He doesn't want to know the answer. I'm not leaving him and he seems to be happy with that.
Yes, I get to fool around and still keep my marriage intact. Odd isn't it?

[Sweetie31]

No - A Gentleman Never Tells

a gentleman never tells but always get caught lol

[Sweetie31]

I've had an affair for two years. Yes, I did tell after two months into it. I'm glad I did. The man I had an affair with was single and had nothing to loose. I took all the risk and he knew it. Later, when he wanted more from me, he tried using it as leverage. Didn't work, I already told on myself. Being open and honest, helped in the fact, that I didn't have to lie or sneak around.
Would I do it again? Yes, and he already knows I have and he doesn't ask to many questions of me. He doesn't want to know the answer. I'm not leaving him and he seems to be happy with that.
Yes, I get to fool around and still keep my marriage intact. Odd isn't it?


Iam kinda in the same situation except my husband is the one having the affair and I know he is doing it and I stayed in my marriage. So he gets to fool around and still keep his wife however Iam now looking for someone to fool around with myself and no I have not told him and I don't think I will.

[Mr.B5546]

Here is the question do you tell your spouse that you had an affair to be honest with them? If you did , then you should have told them at the point that you contemplated having it not during or after it was started. Or do you tell your spouse you had an affair to alliviate the guilt you feel? Then telling them is for your benefit not their's , all you have done now is hurt someone else so you could sleep better at night thinking you did the right thing, but actually your being selfish, which is why you had the affair in the first place. Let's be honest affairs happen because there are problems in the home or bedroom , if your going to feel guilty then be honest enough to say your intentions and why you feel that way, if not then live with the guilt (if you fell any) but don't destroy what you have to make your self feel better! I always said I have enough trouble with the one I have why do I need more?

[OnceAKing]

Boy those are scary numbers up there...If it were ever to happen, then I probably wouldn't want to tell ...However neither would I lie if I was asked. I hope that never enters into the equation for either of us.

[learman3]

If I wanted my nuts handed to me on a plate I would tell. So I'd have to say no I would not tell.

[coug511]

Sure... I would tell her and load the gun and give it to her too

[Psynge]

I wouldn't tell, but she wwould find out, she always does somehow ...How I don't know

[SydneyCarton]

Given what happened in her past, no. It would be too hurtful. Were it not for that, I'd prefer to be honest. But in this case, she'd be incredibly hurt. So no.

[tiger50]

Given what happened in her past, no. It would be too hurtful. Were it not for that, I'd prefer to be honest. But in this case, she'd be incredibly hurt. So no.

hey mate.. been readin some of ur posts... seems ur hurtin mate.. so heyy yy sit with me have a beer.. mull it over.. :wa:

[SydneyCarton]

hey mate.. been readin some of ur posts... seems ur hurtin mate.. so heyy yy sit with me have a beer.. mull it over.. :wa:

Thank you for the kind offer. Unfortunately, there isn't enough beer to drown what ails me. But I appreciate your offer. If I could figure out how to thank you on this site, I would do so...

EDIT: Duh. I figured it out. You're thanked...

[UltimateNaneki]

Thank you for the kind offer. Unfortunately, there isn't enough beer to drown what ails me. But I appreciate your offer. If I could figure out how to thank you on this site, I would do so...

I will bring the snacks and a shoulder...:)

[magscribe]

Oh, God, no. Cheating would be bad enough – but I would never tell her. And I don't think she'd ever tell me, either, although I suspect she might have cheated (which I'd completely understand) -- I don't think she'd ever tell me.

[ladyyhawk]

yeah right - there are better ways to commit suicide.

[Krystal]

What he doesn't know won't hurt him...or me. :D

[cyclops]

Two words:

Lorena Bobbit :yks

[Midwest girl]

WTF for??? Why make a shitty situation worse? What good would it do? No flippin way, no reason like previously said, to commit suicide....

On the other hand, I hope he tells me if he does...good opener for, "Hey honey, can we have an open marraige now?" Then he would be less likely to tell me no....

[lukka]

No way!!! That would be a BIG mistake!!!:sc

[catmom]

I did and I did not get the reaction I expected. Because of the circumstances, he understood and we are stronger than ever......so, never say never......

[newhere]

No way ...It would just hurt not help at all

[pointofnoreturn]

Never.....No need to hurt him...

[Sofia]

I wouldn't tell him....

[yaser]

I wouldn't tell him....

Do you do cybering?

[Cuticle Cutie]

This question is a little confusing Blue Boy...why the hell would we tell our spouse if we had an affair...you may as well just ask permission before you have the affair if you think you should tell your spouse? Or...are you saying after an affair...the guilt complex may have you tell?...anyway...those who answer yes are probably those with a very open marriage where this stuff is agreed upon.

My thoughts...

Hey ...all I know is with a name like Thick Italian......I would never tell my husband.....wink....and a kiss.:lf

[Sofia]

Do you do cybering?
Yes, not recently, but I used to do it before…

[yaser]

Yes, not recently, but I used to do it before…

Didn't you like it?

[Sofia]

yeap!

[yaser]

yeap!

Real is the best you say?

[biker-69s]

Why tell it would take all the excitement away.............

[OU812]

No way I would tell.

[JoyS]

I had an affair and I never told him.....there was a reason we were getting a divorce and it had nothing to do with an affair! When there are problems going on in the marriage we tend to seek attention elsewhere!

[lilolekimba67(f)]

I wouldnt tell

[Asha]

I would only tell when I wanted out of the marriage because I know once he found out that would be the end

[dixiechiknga]

Nope I would never tell.

[biker-69s]

Never tell...
A lie is as good as the truth so long as you stick to it................

[KindheartedWoman]

Isn't the "not telling" the hallmark definition of what an affair is?

[Anton....]

I have great restraint, and I would never have an affair. I respect my life and my wife and what we have been through, it doesnt mean Im happy, but these are the choices I have made. Not everyone has my view, I respect that. But, for me, I just couldn't do it.