In Search Of

[oldsoul3426]

I just join this wonderful community today. I'm in search of and have been for a great deal of time is a married women that is looking for friend with benifits. People always say no strings attached. I don't think that is possible. If you are going to make love to someone you have to have some kind of connection. I would like to find a women that is looking for more than she is getting at home but does not want to sacrafice what she has at home. I do believe you can care for more than just one person. I'm looking for that women that loves to be pleased and pampered. I love foreplay and love to tease with my tongue. I miss having passion in my life. My soul feeds off please women. I am married. My wife and I have been married 7 going on 8 yrs. She is not a sexual person. I have always been. I'm at a fork in the road in my life. If you would like to know more just write me and ask. I'm a very open minded person. I have nothing to hide. Look forward to hearing back from all.

[p.J]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ok welcome for a start and a very warm one too! but hey!!! I'm a women yes? ok... well as sloppy as it sounds for a women she may say “When two people understand each other, trust each other, and love each other, then the sex is the best.” You are a man and chances are your sentence more closely resembles this: “I love sex.” endex! Its a bloody stereotype a cliche, but more often or not its so damn true, o yes it is! MEN DO NOT NECESSARILY HAVE THE HIGHER SEX DRIVE!!!!!! I love analogies so think of this one as an appetite! Some people spend their whole life in the kitchen and are greedy buggers, thinking about food all the time; some people can simply skip lunch! As a rule, men don’t like to skip lunch. :) OK bear (bare, never know which one!) with me, how often you have sex can depend on the circumstances and opportunities, yes? A womens drive to sex depends on emotional bonding and caring -- once they feel that, then they get aroused and interested! Now heres the crunch, it takes us longer to be stimulated through sex play than men! shock horror! Where with a men its a straight line! Desire, arousal and well thats it! Hey! and guess what the absence of sex makes men unhappy. For women, it is not as problematic! Maybe, just maybe, the difference in sex drive may simply result from the fact that what turns women on is quite different from what what turns men on.
Yea, I have been out for dinner and happily merry! :)


But I maybe wrong! :)

[oldsoul3426]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ok welcome for a start and a very warm one too! but hey!!! I'm a women yes? ok... well as sloppy as it sounds for a women she may say “When two people understand each other, trust each other, and love each other, then the sex is the best.” You are a man and chances are your sentence more closely resembles this: “I love sex.” endex! Its a bloody stereotype a cliche, but more often or not its so damn true, o yes it is! MEN DO NOT NECESSARILY HAVE THE HIGHER SEX DRIVE!!!!!! I love analogies so think of this one as an appetite! Some people spend their whole life in the kitchen and are greedy buggers, thinking about food all the time; some people can simply skip lunch! As a rule, men don’t like to skip lunch. :) OK bear (bare, never know which one!) with me, how often you have sex can depend on the circumstances and opportunities, yes? A womens drive to sex depends on emotional bonding and caring -- once they feel that, then they get aroused and interested! Now heres the crunch, it takes us longer to be stimulated through sex play than men! shock horror! Where with a men its a straight line! Desire, arousal and well thats it! Hey! and guess what the absence of sex makes men unhappy. For women, it is not as problematic! Maybe, just maybe, the difference in sex drive may simply result from the fact that what turns women on is quite different from what what turns men on.
Yea, I have been out for dinner and happily merry! :)


But I maybe wrong! :)
I agree with everything that you said. I've tried everything. I'm not a normal guy. I have to have foreplay to get hard or turned on. I love to please and tease. I've tried everything with my wife. Romantic weekend away. During the work week surprise getaways. I go all out to I'm not holding back at all. I'll tell you what I did last time. I rented a limo and had them pick us up at our house and take us to San Fransico For a long four day weekend. We stayed at the Palace Hotel in S.F. had dinner reservations at the best rest. in S.F.. Had ticket to a Show. Then went to some exclusive clubs. Then had the limo take us around S.F. that night on our way back to the hotel. Had a night cap ready waiting for us. Nothing happened that night. Then next day I had the limo take us to Napa Valley for a exclusive stay at a Vineyard. We finished our weekend in Napa Valley and had the limo take us home. Nothing happened at all that weekend. I feel like I am going crazy.

[Sweetdreams069]

Welcome to the site, Oldsoul. Hope you find what you're looking for. I know there's plenty of nice people here so at least you'll make some friends and have some fun I know that!

[p.J]

I agree with everything that you said. I've tried everything. I'm not a normal guy. I have to have foreplay to get hard or turned on. I love to please and tease. I've tried everything with my wife. Romantic weekend away. During the work week surprise getaways. I go all out to I'm not holding back at all. I'll tell you what I did last time. I rented a limo and had them pick us up at our house and take us to San Fransico For a long four day weekend. We stayed at the Palace Hotel in S.F. had dinner reservations at the best rest. in S.F.. Had ticket to a Show. Then went to some exclusive clubs. Then had the limo take us around S.F. that night on our way back to the hotel. Had a night cap ready waiting for us. Nothing happened that night. Then next day I had the limo take us to Napa Valley for a exclusive stay at a Vineyard. We finished our weekend in Napa Valley and had the limo take us home. Nothing happened at all that weekend. I feel like I am going crazy.

Then shit! You seem to be one hell of a guy! :kk

[oldsoul3426]

Then shit! You seem to be one hell of a guy! :kk
I'm a hopeless romantice. Its been going on more many yrs now. I'm tired of no response from her and she won't go to counseling. She says she doesn't need to. I really miss have passion in my life. Am I wrong for what I am doing.

[wall-flower]

I agree with everything that you said. I've tried everything. I'm not a normal guy. I have to have foreplay to get hard or turned on. I love to please and tease. I've tried everything with my wife. Romantic weekend away. During the work week surprise getaways. I go all out to I'm not holding back at all. I'll tell you what I did last time. I rented a limo and had them pick us up at our house and take us to San Fransico For a long four day weekend. We stayed at the Palace Hotel in S.F. had dinner reservations at the best rest. in S.F.. Had ticket to a Show. Then went to some exclusive clubs. Then had the limo take us around S.F. that night on our way back to the hotel. Had a night cap ready waiting for us. Nothing happened that night. Then next day I had the limo take us to Napa Valley for a exclusive stay at a Vineyard. We finished our weekend in Napa Valley and had the limo take us home. Nothing happened at all that weekend. I feel like I am going crazy.

Just a thought....was she by chance too exhausted from your day activities? Morning session might have been a better time to start something.

[oldsoul3426]

Just a thought....was she by chance too exhausted from your day activities? Morning session might have been a better time to start something.
we haven't had sex in a couple of yrs now. She has no interest in me anymore.

[wall-flower]

YEARS??!!?? 3 weeks and I'm like a rabbid dog.

[oldsoul3426]

YEARS??!!?? 3 weeks and I'm like a rabbid dog.
its been yrs.

[wall-flower]

Well if she is same age, there might be a chance she will come into her high sexual drive.

[oldsoul3426]

Well if she is same age, there might be a chance she will come into her high sexual drive.
Nope she's older 35 yrs old. Her moms the same her dad says she never had a sex drive. they are going on 10 yr. I said no way I'm doing that.

[wall-flower]

My parents were like that. Which is the reason my dad had a mistress for years.

[spare_change]

You know, if my truck wasn't running, I'd get a new one.

[wall-flower]

Nope she's older 35 yrs old. Her moms the same her dad says she never had a sex drive. they are going on 10 yr. I said no way I'm doing that.

That is still young enough for a chance of it to happen. I hear a lot of women in their 40's that can't get enough.

[wall-flower]

You know, if my truck wasn't running, I'd get a new one.

Yeah but your old truck can't sue you for everything you got.

[oldsoul3426]

Yeah but your old truck can't sue you for everything you got.
thats very true.

[oldsoul3426]

My parents were like that. Which is the reason my dad had a mistress for years.
I can't wait around for another 5 yrs I'll explode.

[MCat]

You know, if my truck wasn't running, I'd get a new one.

New sparkplugs and a good lube job adds a bit of life to an old truck...

[oldsoul3426]

New sparkplugs and a good lube job adds a bit of life to an old truck...
I know how to give a good tune up. I love to give oral. I love foreplay. She just has no interst. She just likes to go shopping and you know the rest.

[OpBob]

Oldsoul....a couple thoughts. Has she seen a doctor about this? There may be something wrong with her physically that needs to be addressed. IMHO, sometimes it takes more than just going away for 4 nights to rekindle that spark. It is in the every day relationship we have with our spouses that has more of an impact on sex than where we take them. Sometimes, when I don't respond to her in a loving way during the day or don't pay attention to her during the week then I don't build relationship with her. When I tell her that my day at work was "fine" she does not feel too endearing to me. Soooooo, you may think of other things you may want to do to build relationship with her. Just a thought.

[oldsoul3426]

Oldsoul....a couple thoughts. Has she seen a doctor about this? There may be something wrong with her physically that needs to be addressed. IMHO, sometimes it takes more than just going away for 4 nights to rekindle that spark. It is in the every day relationship we have with our spouses that has more of an impact on sex than where we take them. Sometimes, when I don't respond to her in a loving way during the day or don't pay attention to her during the week then I don't build relationship with her. When I tell her that my day at work was "fine" she does not feel too endearing to me. Soooooo, you may think of other things you may want to do to build relationship with her. Just a thought.
Hello bob, Yes she has been to the doctor and they have tryed different things but nothing works. I've taken her on 10 romantic weekends and nothing. I'm a very affectionate man always have been. I'm a very open person. Want to go to counceling but she says she won't. I include her in my day as much as possible. Take her to lunch. Send her flowers at home. I'm a very romantic person. I'm one of those hopeless romantic kind. Thank you for the advise and I will take any more that you may have. Look forward to talking with you.

[RedVixen]

Hello bob, Yes she has been to the doctor and they have tryed different things but nothing works. I've taken her on 10 romantic weekends and nothing. I'm a very affectionate man always have been. I'm a very open person. Want to go to counceling but she says she won't. I include her in my day as much as possible. Take her to lunch. Send her flowers at home. I'm a very romantic person. I'm one of those hopeless romantic kind. Thank you for the advise and I will take any more that you may have. Look forward to talking with you.

Can I clone you hun?

Better yet, I'll go for lunch with you and appreciate the flowers :kk

Your wife is one lucky lady to have such a romantic husband. It's a shame that your gestures are going unnoticed and unappreciated :(

[oldsoul3426]

Can I clone you hun?

Better yet, I'll go for lunch with you and appreciate the flowers :kk

Your wife is one lucky lady to have such a romantic husband. It's a shame that your gestures are going unnoticed and unappreciated :(
Yes you may. Or just have me lol. So am I just crazy or should I be doing more. what do you think

[RedVixen]

Yes you may. Or just have me lol. So am I just crazy or should I be doing more. what do you think

Honestly, I think you have been bending over backwards for your wife and she isn't appreciating all the love and dedication you are putting into your marriage. There is only so much you can do. Marriage is a two-way street. I don't understand why she won't consider going to counselling. If she wants to save this marriage she needs to put in the 'time and effort'.

You are NOT crazy and certainly don't need to be doing any more. Keep being the loving, adoring husband that you are and try to get her to a therapist, counsillor, etc. to get some answers on why she's not interested in sex or whatever else the issue(s) may be.

[oldsoul3426]

Honestly, I think you have been bending over backwards for your wife and she isn't appreciating all the love and dedication you are putting into your marriage. There is only so much you can do. Marriage is a two-way street. I don't understand why she won't consider going to counselling. If she wants to save this marriage she needs to put in the 'time and effort'.

You are NOT crazy and certainly don't need to be doing any more. Keep being the loving, adoring husband that you are and try to get her to a therapist, counsillor, etc. to get some answers on why she's not interested in sex or whatever else the issue(s) may be.
Thank you are are the first person that has said that to me. All the rest of the people I have talked to not here but other sites say I'm a bad person and Its probably my fault. I thank you for the reasurance that I'm not a bad person or crazy.

[TheTurtle]

I don't know if this might come into play; but sometimes there really is a deep, dark secret. I was three years into my marriage before I found out my wife had been raped; and then only because she has screaming nightmares for a week running after she got a letter from the parole board about his possibly getting out early. She feels she has put it behind her, and doesn't need any more counseling about that; but I am certain it affects our relationship even after 18 years of marriage...

Childhood abuse -- particularly sexual -- can bring so much self shame that the victim will deny its impact or even existence. That doesn't mean it's not affecting things, though.

[oldsoul3426]

I don't know if this might come into play; but sometimes there really is a deep, dark secret. I was three years into my marriage before I found out my wife had been raped; and then only because she has screaming nightmares for a week running after she got a letter from the parole board about his possibly getting out early. She feels she has put it behind her, and doesn't need any more counseling about that; but I am certain it affects our relationship even after 18 years of marriage...

Childhood abuse -- particularly sexual -- can bring so much self shame that the victim will deny its impact or even existence. That doesn't mean it's not affecting things, though.
We have talked about she says nothing like that has happen to her like that.

[RedVixen]

Thank you are are the first person that has said that to me. All the rest of the people I have talked to not here but other sites say I'm a bad person and Its probably my fault. I thank you for the reasurance that I'm not a bad person or crazy.

You are not a bad person, it is not your fault and you are not crazy :kk

Hang in there hun:knuddel:

[oldsoul3426]

You are not a bad person, it is not your fault and you are not crazy :kk

Hang in there hun:knuddel:
Thank you. If you don't mind tell me more about you. You may also ask me anything you like.

[RedVixen]

What would you like to know? I'm quite open too:)

[TheTurtle]

We have talked about she says nothing like that has happen to her like that.

I repeat; sometimes they will deny it -- even to themselves. I know with my wife, she has no memory of physical abuse of herself by her father; but she does remember him abusing her older sister.

That said, I will stop with the darker stuff and tell you I think you are doing everything you can. :55 I wish I had the money to do those kind of things for my wife, though it would probably have little more effect than with your wife... :(

[TheTurtle]

One other thing: Have you ever read "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman? He posits that everyone has a primary and secondary love language, and if you don't "speak" to each other in their language, then all your efforts will come to naught. They won't feel loved.

My primary language is kinesthetic (touch) :blowjob: :knuddel: :kk :sex ; my secondary one is buying gifts. My wife's primary is service (she does extra things unasked for those she loves), :ch and her secondary is verbal (saying she loves me). The last language is "quality time"; but she has to define that for you... :sc

When she offers to let me have sex with her even though she isn't interested, she sees it as telling me she loves me; and when I do the dishes for her (not our normal division of labor) or work on the "honey do" list without prodding, she understands it as me telling her that I love her.

It breeds security in the marriage to realize that, even if it hasn't satisfied me sexually since I need a responsive woman for the touch factor... but I still know she loves me. :))):

[oldsoul3426]

You seem to have a great wife and you seem to give and take from each other like a marriage is ment to work.

[TheTurtle]

You seem to have a great wife and you seem to give and take from each other like a marriage is ment to work.

Yeah, but it still doesn't stop me from wanting a "friend with benefits" or a fuck buddy to satisfy that desire to please a woman sexually... which from what I read is fairly normal for men -- despite the stereotypes of the man only being interested in his own pleasure.

It does mean that I have nooo desire to ever divorce her, even if we didn't have kids (which we do). Unless, of course, one of 3 different female movie stars comes through the door and says "Take me, I'm yours!". :whee: In that case, I have her permission to leave her; she feels fairly secure about its probablility. :lmao

[oldsoul3426]

What would you like to know? I'm quite open too:)
I would love to know everything. At least everything you would like to share.

[madmod]

Childhood abuse -- particularly sexual -- can bring so much self shame that the victim will deny its impact or even existence. That doesn't mean it's not affecting things, though.

I hear you there, pal .... This is the problem that affects my wife and really puts a dent in our whole marriage. It's the reason I'm so frustrated and also the reason why I don't have the balls to do anything about it .... How do you tell someone to just 'get over it'?! It can't be done - all you can do is love them .... and somehow look after yourself too .... :sc

[pointofnoreturn]

Yes you may. Or just have me lol. So am I just crazy or should I be doing more. what do you thinkI think you need to drop your pants, and let me see what she is missing and what I may want some of.....:wa:

[oldsoul3426]

I think you need to drop your pants, and let me see what she is missing and what I may want some of.....:wa:
You think so. I about average or more than average I hear.

[TheTurtle]

You think so. I about average or more than average I hear.

Well, gee. If you want to be sure, there is this product called "Natural Gain" that supposedly will permanently increase the length and girth of that all important organ, at attention or not. The length of the "program" is directly related to how much you want to progress... :D I don't know if it truly works, since I haven't used it. :p

[pointofnoreturn]

You think so. I about average or more than average I hear.Seriously I am supposed to take your work for it??????:lmao

[Wil]

a smile

[OICurready4me]

I hear you there, pal .... This is the problem that affects my wife and really puts a dent in our whole marriage. It's the reason I'm so frustrated and also the reason why I don't have the balls to do anything about it .... How do you tell someone to just 'get over it'?! It can't be done - all you can do is love them .... and somehow look after yourself too .... :sc

The most difficult part about this is, unless you have gone through it, you have no idea what pain and suffering she has gone and is currently going through. To just say "get over it" won't work. She has to want to help herself and put the trust in someone to help her get herself back on track. Until that happens, you will face an uphill battle with her. You need to support her and communicate with her that you are in her corner, looking to help her in any way you can, whatever way that may mean to her. Could be simple little things in her life that make her happy, that provide her the comfort she so needs and desires and through that, you will build the trust in her that will allow her to look to you for advice and with that, the impetus to want to get the help she needs. Hang in there, it's a daily struggle for her so she doesn't need you making it more difficult by pressuring her. That brings out some of her past and makes her retreat even more. You may be amazed at how she reacts if the way you deal with this changes drastically to a fully supportive stance.

[TheTurtle]

The most difficult part about this is, unless you have gone through it, you have no idea what pain and suffering she has gone and is currently going through. To just say "get over it" won't work. She has to want to help herself and put the trust in someone to help her get herself back on track. Until that happens, you will face an uphill battle with her. You need to support her and communicate with her that you are in her corner, looking to help her in any way you can, whatever way that may mean to her. Could be simple little things in her life that make her happy, that provide her the comfort she so needs and desires and through that, you will build the trust in her that will allow her to look to you for advice and with that, the impetus to want to get the help she needs. Hang in there, it's a daily struggle for her so she doesn't need you making it more difficult by pressuring her. That brings out some of her past and makes her retreat even more. You may be amazed at how she reacts if the way you deal with this changes drastically to a fully supportive stance.

Yes and no. She needs to face it. Hiding from it will get her nowhere; she won't simply "forget" with time. Too many people blieve that "if I just keep it a secret, and hide it away, it will be like it never happened."

I believe you need to communicate your complete support for her, but also her need to deal with it -- and your willingness to walk with her through it by her side, no matter how painful/shameful/etc. it is. If you simply say "whenever you are ready, dear" I guarantee she will never be ready.

I put up with my wife's depression for 12 years that way, and until I pushed her to the doctor's, literally taking her there and sitting in the room with her, we got nowhere with that. Now, I have waited another 6 years on this other issue, thinking that as her depression was cared for, she would gain the courage to begin working through her past. It hasn't happened yet. The only thing stopping me from active intervention again is that one of the excuses she makes really is true -- we really don't have the money for a therapist right now, and insurance only covers 12 visits a year...

[oldsoul3426]

What would you like to know? I'm quite open too:)
tell me what you are like.

[Sensual Woman]

old soul, I wish we weren't on opposite ends of the country - we'd get along great great. I just joined today. I have been married for 16 years, my husband isn't interested in me anymore sexually. Our sex life was awful for about 4-5 years, he is obese and just had gastric bypass surgery, and is impotent. I miss the passion, I miss the romance, I miss trying to make someone happy that appreciates it and wants to make me happy as well. My husband's attitude is why bother since he can't? He hasn't been able to even come close to pleasing me sexually (or emotionally) for years, so we just stopped. He doesn't want to see a doctor, or try to do anything to make me happy. Doesn't want to even hold me. I too miss that intimate connection - not just great sex, which he and I have never had, but all the teasing that leads up to it, and the making love, not screwing that accompanies it, being held in the safety of his arms afterwards, just quietly caressing each other. Feeling as one.

[TheTurtle]

old soul, I wish we weren't on opposite ends of the country - we'd get along great great. I just joined today. I have been married for 16 years, my husband isn't interested in me anymore sexually. Our sex life was awful for about 4-5 years, he is obese and just had gastric bypass surgery, and is impotent. I miss the passion, I miss the romance, I miss trying to make someone happy that appreciates it and wants to make me happy as well. My husband's attitude is why bother since he can't? He hasn't been able to even come close to pleasing me sexually (or emotionally) for years, so we just stopped. He doesn't want to see a doctor, or try to do anything to make me happy. Doesn't want to even hold me. I too miss that intimate connection - not just great sex, which he and I have never had, but all the teasing that leads up to it, and the making love, not screwing that accompanies it, being held in the safety of his arms afterwards, just quietly caressing each other. Feeling as one.

I promise that the impotence is not from the gastric bypass surgery. I had it as well (lost 230 pounds for 3 years now), and MY equpment works just fine... :D Has he been checked for diabetes? Some diabetics do become impotent -- though that shouldn't hinder oral stimulation and passionate embracing, etc. It affects the actual vasodilation in the member, not the emotional needs.

One other issue that I have struggled with some is the physical appearance. The loose flesh, gynomastia (big, flabby boobs from the weight loss), and in my case a 10" long incisional hernia aren't particularly attractive. And of course insurance won't pay for those repairs. Maybe he doesn't feel manly -- especially if he thought he would go back to his 20 yr old body if he just weighed as much as he did then... And of course the impotence itself makes him feel less manly, and that becomes a vicious circle.

He is being very selfish, though, if he feels that "He can't, so why bother?" Certainly he is not doing his part for the marriage in that manner. It is a defense mechanism, and he needs counseling to find what it causing it. He could be doing his part with oral sex, cuddling, passionate embracing, etc.

I realize this may not be the best news you might get or want to hear, but hopefully there is something in my rambling that can help give you a handle on the situation.

[Sensual Woman]

I know impotence is not from the gastric bypass surgery - he just recently had the surgery (2 weeks ago), and has been impotent for a while. I WISH he would go for the oral sex, cuddling, passionate embrassing - the passion has been gone from our marriage for years. He won't. He doesn't have diabetes - it is a wonder that he's had no other health problems from his weight other than slightly high blood pressure. Pleasing me has no appeal for him. We talked about his going on Viagra, but he seems to have lost interest in that too. None of is that are 40 or over have the body we had in our 20's - that's not the problem. I just don't get this denial thing, why he won't make an effort - I think counseling would help, he claims he doen't need it. I think a trip to the doctor to see why the equipment isn't working would be a good idea - maybe it is a medical problem. He shrugs it off. I guess I am not worth that either to him.

[northernvam]

I know impotence is not from the gastric bypass surgery - he just recently had the surgery (2 weeks ago), and has been impotent for a while. I WISH he would go for the oral sex, cuddling, passionate embrassing - the passion has been gone from our marriage for years. He won't. He doesn't have diabetes - it is a wonder that he's had no other health problems from his weight other than slightly high blood pressure. Pleasing me has no appeal for him. We talked about his going on Viagra, but he seems to have lost interest in that too. None of is that are 40 or over have the body we had in our 20's - that's not the problem. I just don't get this denial thing, why he won't make an effort - I think counseling would help, he claims he doen't need it. I think a trip to the doctor to see why the equipment isn't working would be a good idea - maybe it is a medical problem. He shrugs it off. I guess I am not worth that either to him.

Honestly, what you are describing sounds like depression to me. The lack of interest and denial sounds very much like depression. You might want to suggest that he talk with someone about it ... and if he refuses, you should go for yourself. Depression has a way of spilling over from one person to another ...

Living with someone who is angry or depressed can lead to depression ...

[TheTurtle]

Honestly, what you are describing sounds like depression to me. The lack of interest and denial sounds very much like depression. You might want to suggest that he talk with someone about it ... and if he refuses, you should go for yourself. Depression has a way of spilling over from one person to another ...

Living with someone who is angry or depressed can lead to depression ...

I agree with that, as well. It took me 12 years to get my wife in, and I basically had to drag her into the doctor and talk for her :nu -- but the difference once she was on medication was remarkable. Not the physical aspect of our sex life, unfortunately; :cry: but a lot of the other aspects -- emotional, etc. And depression can be a contagious disease... :(

SW, I have one other piece of advice for your husband as he progresses with post surgery -- I can't stress the importance of the B-12 enough. People who had the full Rouen Y Bypass can't metabolize it from the veggies, etc. most folks normally get it from. A lot of people use shots, because the insurance pays for them; but mine said each shot should last 6 weeks -- and they were wrong. I now use 2x 500mcg sublingual tablets (they dissolve under your tongue like nitro for a heart patient) per day along with the normal vitamin stuff. My energy level really flags when I miss it. That lack of energy can also lead to depression, bad sleep patterns, etc. And he is more likely to lose hair and have problems with his nails if he doesn't take it.

Sorry for sidetracking the thread (or is this a full hijack?). If you have more questions, or want support specific to the surgery stuff, I will be happy to speak to you privately.

Oh, and BTW, my mother's family is from Lancaster, PA. :smdance: and I lived in the Philadelphia area for 11 years. :55

[MCat]

I agree with that, as well. It took me 12 years to get my wife in, and I basically had to drag her into the doctor and talk for her :nu -- but the difference once she was on medication was remarkable. Not the physical aspect of our sex life, unfortunately; :cry: but a lot of the other aspects -- emotional, etc. And depression can be a contagious disease... :(

SW, I have one other piece of advice for your husband as he progresses with post surgery -- I can't stress the importance of the B-12 enough. People who had the full Rouen Y Bypass can't metabolize it from the veggies, etc. most folks normally get it from. A lot of people use shots, because the insurance pays for them; but mine said each shot should last 6 weeks -- and they were wrong. I now use 2x 500mcg sublingual tablets (they dissolve under your tongue like nitro for a heart patient) per day along with the normal vitamin stuff. My energy level really flags when I miss it. That lack of energy can also lead to depression, bad sleep patterns, etc. And he is more likely to lose hair and have problems with his nails if he doesn't take it.

Sorry for sidetracking the thread (or is this a full hijack?). If you have more questions, or want support specific to the surgery stuff, I will be happy to speak to you privately.

Oh, and BTW, my mother's family is from Lancaster, PA. :smdance: and I lived in the Philadelphia area for 11 years. :55

Hijacks are great when its such an important topic....My mom had this surgery too....the B12 thing is so important. Getting enough nutrition is not easy after this surgery...took my mom quite a while to get things working for her. She's doing great now. I wish you continued success Turtle ....:55

SW.....I would wonder about the depression too....wish he would see a doctor for it. Depression does bad things to good people. :knuddel:

[TheTurtle]

Hijacks are great when its such an important topic....My mom had this surgery too....the B12 thing is so important. Getting enough nutrition is not easy after this surgery...took my mom quite a while to get things working for her. She's doing great now. I wish you continued success Turtle ....:55

SW.....I would wonder about the depression too....wish he would see a doctor for it. Depression does bad things to good people. :knuddel:

Thanks, MCat. I could wish for more weight loss, but I keep telling myself that I'm so much better now than I was, and I have gained so much (down under 30% body fat for the first time in 15+ years!, I can swim, play racquetball, go walking more than 100 yds, go up and down stairs without getting short of breath, etc.) that I really need to be grateful. And I could probably lose more weight, if I just didn't like food so much... :lmao

[Sensual Woman]

See, turtle, we have a lot in common! He is on 4 different vitamins, calkcium, B Complex, iron. So far it is like talking to a rock whenever I bring up counseling. He was raised to "tough it out', and that is a hard ingrained habit to break. We will see if I can get through.

I wish I had the figure I had back in my 20's too, but at this point, my mind and spirit is 21 in a 45 year old body... But, sensuality and passion know:55 no age boundaries. I think a lot of you who are around my age will agree.:dd

[TheTurtle]

See, turtle, we have a lot in common! He is on 4 different vitamins, calkcium, B Complex, iron. So far it is like talking to a rock whenever I bring up counseling. He was raised to "tough it out', and that is a hard ingrained habit to break. We will see if I can get through.

I wish I had the figure I had back in my 20's too, but at this point, my mind and spirit is 21 in a 45 year old body... But, sensuality and passion know:55 no age boundaries. I think a lot of you who are around my age will agree.:dd

I didn't need that much. I take a Centrum for men chewable vitamin 2 times/day instead of once, and then the Vitamin B12 . I looked at Vitamin B complex, but two things kept me from using it: one) they had no sublingual/chewable version; and 2) even though all the B vitamins are important, none are as crucial to bypass people as the B12, and it simply did not provide enough. The iron is really important immediately after the surgery, and probably the calcium, too.

I'm with you as far as spirit vs body :D -- and if anything, my sensuality is greater. As far as "toughing it out"; I was raised that way too, but sometimes you need a friend, and some help. I learned that finally; it just took awhile. ;)

Maybe we will have to see how much more we have in common...:lf

[Sensual Woman]

He takes a chewable multi, calcium, B Complex and iron. I agree about needing a friend - I am a little gunshy because of what just happened with his friend (and my ex-friend) - am going to be more cautious next time no matter how good friends we are. I bet we do have a lot more in common:D -

[TheTurtle]

He takes a chewable multi, calcium, B Complex and iron. I agree about needing a friend - I am a little gunshy because of what just happened with his friend (and my ex-friend) - am going to be more cautious next time no matter how good friends we are. I bet we do have a lot more in common:D -

I promise I am not asking you to jump in bed, SW (Well, at least not yet :p ) We are a little far apart anyways. I am just offering to be a listening ear, maybe put some (bad) humor in your life, and give suggestions from time to time based on my experience that you can take or leave as you wish.

While some have had their friendships here blossom into more, I think everyone who sticks around here cherishes all the friendships regardless of level of intimacy.

Of course, should you decide to send naked pictures of you in interesting positions and doing sensual things, I will be happy to receive them... :dl :D

[Sensual Woman]

I know you weren't - I guess I am still a little hesitant to open up to because he knew more secrets about me than my husband (or anyone else for that matter). Listening ears are always appreciated, humor is greatly appreciated:lmao , as is a little flirting:55 ... The best relationships, friendship or otherwise, come from people knowing you and caring about you. And the best sex, I've found, comes from really caring about your partner and being cared about in return. :sex


As for the naked pictures, I don't have a web cam, but if I can borrow a camera, I might consider it...

[TheTurtle]

I know you weren't - I guess I am still a little hesitant to open up to because he knew more secrets about me than my husband (or anyone else for that matter). Listening ears are always appreciated, humor is greatly appreciated:lmao , as is a little flirting:55 ... The best relationships, friendship or otherwise, come from people knowing you and caring about you. And the best sex, I've found, comes from really caring about your partner and being cared about in return. :sex


As for the naked pictures, I don't have a web cam, but if I can borrow a camera, I might consider it...

It is amazing how similar our situation and thoughts, SW! As they say, great minds think alike...:whee:

[Sensual Woman]

:dd Would this be interesting to you turtle?

[papabear48]

:dd Would this be interesting to you turtle?

definitely interests me :)

[AL(m)]

In search of the incredible orgasm that shakes the world and stops the breath...... one where to just touch her sends you soaring.......... hmm yessss..

[TheTurtle]

:dd Would this be interesting to you turtle?


Absolutely!! :dl

[Sensual Woman]

What else interests you?:lf

[Sensual Woman]

In search of the incredible orgasm that shakes the world and stops the breath...... one where to just touch her sends you soaring.......... hmm yessss..

You have no idea how much I would LOVE to have one or more of those...:55

[Sensual Woman]

Do I interest you papabear?:lf

[TheTurtle]

You have no idea how much I would LOVE to have one or more of those...:55

Mutiples of such are always good, and I would certainly endeavor to make it happen... :55 As to other things that interest me -- my profile lists some of them...:sc

Let's see, a quick list: Music (listening and singing), movies, oral sex (giving as well as receiving!), reading, raquetball, teasing sex (a little BDSM), romantic dinners, massage, vaginal sex, seeing a woman truly aroused and losing control in her passion, slow dancing, titty sex, hot tubs, NFL football, mutual masturbation and hand/finger sex, seeing her dressed up in sexy lingerie or hot outfits, World Cup soccer and collegiate wrestling (not that WWF stuff :( ), taking off those sexy outfits and lingerie, holding and stroking her while she rests in my lap with her head on my shoulder...

Oh, and did I mention I'm interested in sex? :D

[longtall4u]

In search of the incredible orgasm that shakes the world and stops the breath...... one where to just touch her sends you soaring.......... hmm yessss..

I hope I'm able to give a woman what you describe at leastonce before I die!!!

[longtall4u]

Do I interest you papabear?:lf

You definitely interest me!!!!!!!!!! But I don't want to butt into someone's conversation.......

[duanehofner]

we haven't had sex in a couple of yrs now. She has no interest in me anymore.

What have you done to BE interesting TO her.

Google Gabrielle Moore and see if there may be some things you've missed.

[oldsoul3426]

I think you need to drop your pants, and let me see what she is missing and what I may want some of.....:wa:
Just tell me when and where.

[oldsoul3426]

old soul, I wish we weren't on opposite ends of the country - we'd get along great great. I just joined today. I have been married for 16 years, my husband isn't interested in me anymore sexually. Our sex life was awful for about 4-5 years, he is obese and just had gastric bypass surgery, and is impotent. I miss the passion, I miss the romance, I miss trying to make someone happy that appreciates it and wants to make me happy as well. My husband's attitude is why bother since he can't? He hasn't been able to even come close to pleasing me sexually (or emotionally) for years, so we just stopped. He doesn't want to see a doctor, or try to do anything to make me happy. Doesn't want to even hold me. I too miss that intimate connection - not just great sex, which he and I have never had, but all the teasing that leads up to it, and the making love, not screwing that accompanies it, being held in the safety of his arms afterwards, just quietly caressing each other. Feeling as one.
Its a strange thing what life brings. I would love to talk to you some time and get to know you. I just might fly and see you. lol.