Hurt - How do you react?

[My_Secrets_Kept]

When you are hurt either by anothers actions or because of your own actions, however well intentioned they were, what is your immediate initial reaction. How do you tend to react as soon as it happens, what's your split second knee-jerk reaction tell you to do? Do you tend to follow through on those sudden knee-jerk reactions or does better sense take ahold of you and reign you in?

[My_Secrets_Kept]

Today my hurt is by my own hand... I knew my view, take, advice would get me just where I'm at right now...

My initial reaction most times is to be either self destructive or to lash out, or a little of both. The self destructive behavior I always try to control because otherwise, most times you'll end up regreting your actions and some times no amount of appologies can fix things. As for lashing out, that is too easy to let yourself do & can be just as hurtful, and hopefully today I haven't gone too far with that because afterall I really am upset with myelf and the circumstances and no one else.

[irishjock]

To be honest when I get hurt emotionally I go cold. My knee jerk reaction is a very, very fast flash of… no one word can explain the emotion; anger, frustration, surprise, shock, disbelief, and probably a few others, it comes so fast and the cold kicks in so fast I don’t have time to fully understand it. The knee jerk doesn’t have time to “tell me what to do” so I don’t have to worry about following through with that thought. I have to deal with the cold…

[p.a]

I've only been hurt once. My first wife ( 18 years ) was cheating on me with a guy I worked with. I have said here once before that a man >IN LOVE< can be a frightening thing. I had for a long time suspected that my first wife was up to something but could never catch her until one day I faked going to work. I parked a few blocks from my house and waited. Did not have to wait long. A few minutes after I left my X was walking up the main street from our block and a few minutes after that I saw her get into his van. I went home and waited. She got home about 30 minutes before the kids got out of school. I confronted her and she obviously denied it. Later that week I found a letter she had dropped under the seat in the car she had wrote to him. She admitted it and said she would stop seeing him. Well that lasted a month. One evening I was out at the local bar. I was never a drinker but I was hitting it pretty good. The next thing I remember was being awaken by a cop. I was parked in the guys drive way, gun in hand just down below the seat. The rest of the story is that the neighbors saw me sitting there and called the police because the guy my wife was cheating with was out of town with his family.

Another damage to my ego was when I called his wife to tell her what was going on. Her reply was surprising and very hurtful. She said " My husband and I have an understanding. I don't care what he does as long as he keeps it away from home. If you can't keep your wife then thats your problem."

And still another hurtful discovery was that My mom, dad, and mostly everybody in our small town knew about it. Everybody except me.

I almost killed a man and thats how I almost handled my hurt. Since then I have never allowed myself to get that close to another human being. Don't get me wrong, I have loved other people. But never like that since then.

[scoobertina]

I tend to get self destructive myself... when someone hurts me I destroy myself... I back off my friends... I try to make myself believe that I am a horrid person... but then something else kicks in.... anger... anger that I can let someone hurt me... and then I strike back....

[irishjock]

I've only been hurt once. My first wife ( 18 years ) was cheating on me with a guy I worked with. I have said here once before that a man >IN LOVE< can be a frightening thing. I had for a long time suspected that my first wife was up to something but could never catch her until one day I faked going to work. I parked a few blocks from my house and waited. Did not have to wait long. A few minutes after I left my X was walking up the main street from our block and a few minutes after that I saw her get into his van. I went home and waited. She got home about 30 minutes before the kids got out of school. I confronted her and she obviously denied it. Later that week I found a letter she had dropped under the seat in the car she had wrote to him. She admitted it and said she would stop seeing him. Well that lasted a month. One evening I was out at the local bar. I was never a drinker but I was hitting it pretty good. The next thing I remember was being awaken by a cop. I was parked in the guys drive way, gun in hand just down below the seat. The rest of the story is that the neighbors saw me sitting there and called the police because the guy my wife was cheating with was out of town with his family.

Another damage to my ego was when I called his wife to tell her what was going on. Her reply was surprising and very hurtful. She said " My husband and I have an understanding. I don't care what he does as long as he keeps it away from home. If you can't keep your wife then thats your problem."

And still another hurtful discovery was that My mom, dad, and mostly everybody in our small town knew about it. Everybody except me.

I almost killed a man and thats how I almost handled my hurt. Since then I have never allowed myself to get that close to another human being. Don't get me wrong, I have loved other people. But never like that since then.


Caught my first wife also... in the act. That was the first time I went cold.

[PunkyBob]

That's when my evil side comes out...lashing out...anger, accusations...not the side I'm proudest of. If I feel I've been taken advantage of...watch out. It's gotten a lot better over the years, and I can manage it until I'm sure that my POV is right and that I've been screwed over. I never trust that person again; forgiveness is a good possibility, but forgetting...no.

[Sneaky]

When you are hurt either by anothers actions or because of your own actions, however well intentioned they were, what is your immediate initial reaction. How do you tend to react as soon as it happens, what's your split second knee-jerk reaction tell you to do? Do you tend to follow through on those sudden knee-jerk reactions or does better sense take ahold of you and reign you in?

I get mad. I'll get that little bit of stinging of hurt, for like, a split second and the: BOOM. Look out! I'm mad. It's my first reaction. Even if I physically hurt myself (like if I stub my toe or bump my head- LOL!)! It's crazy and makes no sense. As I mature I am getting better......but I have moments that I have not been proud of because of it......

[Domus]

I kiss my wound and my pain goes away....:)

[OpBob]

I have been getting better at controlling myself if I get hurt by myself, meaning doing something like hitting my finger with a hammer or being late for an important appointment because I didn't leave early enough. When someone else hurts me I try to control my anger by stuffing it inside of me and become quiet. The other person doesn't realize that I am seething inside. After I leave the situation I remain quiet and too myself while I sort through all of the messages that I am telling myself. I have sent emails or made calls to those who I believe have hurt me, which is never a good thing. Of course, I regret sending the email or making the call afterwards which can push me in my shell even more sometimes. I still like writing the "kiss-my-ass" emails to them BUT then deleting them.

Oddly enough, when my wife hurts me I react in a different way. I become angry and let her know about it. If it is a big hurt I can erupt into a rage that is like an out of body experience. Thankfully, that hasn't happened in a very long time. This is probably a controlling mechanism that I have. Trying to control the situation by my external anger. Keeping her views out of the arguement.

[cheerymissy_34]

i get mad...i know i shouldnt and it has lead to me regreting things but that is me and i doubt i will ever change

[Sensual Woman]

I tend to withdraw, isolate myself, and self-depricate. I tend to turn inward and get depressed.

[RedVixen]

Pause, back up, regroup and then proceed very cautiously.

[UltimateNaneki]

I start by getting mad at the world...the pitty why me, for about 5 mins. Then I sit quietly and see what the problem really is. Wonder how I could fix the problem, think some more. Then do something stupid like react just because I'm a woman. Then feel stupid again.
Then I really put my thoughts in a stew pot....simmer for a while....And then find the perfect solution and talk to the people involved.
My mom always said: things will look less bad the next day! Well she is right about that. It's never as bad the next day, 4 hours or ever 1hour from when it occured. I just have to step back and calm down, think, and remember that there are no perfect people in this world, we are not perfect and we all make decisions that can hurt. Just realizing that is the first step to recovery.

[PlayfulMale69]

I blame myself, becaome isolated, and become depressed.

[cherokeered]

I become withdrawn.....most of the time....depends on who has hurt me and how....I can also strike out

[PlayfulMale69]

I become withdrawn.....most of the time....depends on who has hurt me and how....I can also strike out

Yeah, I tend to remember everything too and withdraw from that person even if there wasn't anything malicious intended by the other person. I tend to think the worse.

[Sensual Woman]

Yeah, I tend to remember everything too and withdraw from that person even if there wasn't anything malicious intended by the other person. I tend to think the worse.

I do too - and replay it over and over in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong

[PlayfulMale69]

I do too - and replay it over and over in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong

They say great minds think alike.

[Postman]

Live with it and get over it.........Life moves on.
Sounds hard but its true. People who dwell on their problems suffer with their problems.

[Sensual Woman]

Live with it and get over it.........Life moves on.
Sounds hard but its true. People who dwell on their problems suffer with their problems.

People who move on with their lives too quickly usually didn't care much in the first place

[PlayfulMale69]

Live with it and get over it.........Life moves on.
Sounds hard but its true. People who dwell on their problems suffer with their problems.

Hey postman, you are correct, we do suffer from the past. Hopefully it makes us learn and get stronger, but living with it is true to some degree.

[My_Secrets_Kept]

Also sometimes something in me snaps and I can turn cold, be done with the other person just like that, not look back! On the other hand though there are those times when after I've vented I regain my composure and come back fighting for what I know feels right...!

[Jezabella]

My first reaction is this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I've been stabbed. Depending on the kind of hurt, it's one of two reactions -- I either tear up because I'm so damned angry (which only makes me angrier at myself as well as the person who hurt me -- because really, who wants to show that they've been hurt?) or I shut down completely and, if possible, walk away from the situation. The first reaction comes when I feel I've been treated unfairly (like when you were a little kid without any power); the second one comes if the person is just being an idiot, selfish, an ass, etc.


Invariably, I try to think about what happened and calm down. Almost always, I can talk to the person, try to see her/his side, and draw a clean slate. It doesn't mean I'll forget, but I can treat them well and try to be a decent person toward them.

[MIGHTY]

I withdraw.

[MCat]

I used to get very angry...very, very angry...

My parents have suffered the rath of my anger a time or two as have my children and my co-workers.

About 3 or 4 years ago I somehow learned to deal with it differently...all I know is that the extreme anger is gone.

I can relate to the out of body experience that Operator Bob mentioned....I have been so angry at times I don't remember what I've said or done. :(

[Micwar]

If you're talking about physical hurt, I usually cuzz and swear. If you mean hurt feelings, then I usually just blow it off. I consider the source, motive and circumstances and most of the time it's just someone striking out for one reason or another.

[redcat]

I get quiet.

[duanehofner]

Way more often than I should I'll lash out at the ones closest to me.

[Huzyerdaddi]

For all of you women who withdraw, get quiet, or most interestingly, flip the switch and move on "without looking back", how do you react to the person when they come back apologetically and ask for foregiveness?


I know some men can be sincerely remorseful and subsequently persistent in attempting to regain your trust and acceptance. Do you find it annoying? Does it boost your ego? Do you stop and consider the proposition of reconcilation?

[yaser]

I withdraw.
Why no react asser :kk tively?

[Huzyerdaddi]

Why no react asser :kk tively?

You mean as in "make-up sex"?

Nothing better than make-up sex.

[yaser]

I tend to withdraw, isolate myself, and self-depricate. I tend to turn inward and get depressed.
Sensual, if I tell you the same story, what would you advise me to do hun?Withdraw or fight assertively?

[yaser]

You mean as in "make-up sex"?

Nothing better than make-up sex.
Hurt and ''make-up sex''?First calm down ....Sex is not a therapy..Welcome..daddi..

[Huzyerdaddi]

Hurt and ''make-up sex''?First calm down ....Sex is not a therapy..Welcome..daddi..

I kind of agree. Sex is not therapy. But make-up sex is theraputic. Hell, bad, boring sex would be therapy for me right now.

[yaser]

I kind of agree. Sex is not therapy. But make-up sex is theraputic. Hell, bad, boring sex would be therapy for me right now.
Why do you feel bored, daddi?You are chatting with pretty nice ladies here.Try to meet with one..

[p.J]

I am very physical, finding it hard to forgive an act whereupon someones outwardly hurts me so I tend to snarl, bite and throw things. Damn, yes of course I'd rather be courageous and honest and communicate my hurt with 'maturity' but hey ho!

[Huzyerdaddi]

Why do you feel bored, daddi?You are chatting with pretty nice ladies here.Try to meet with one..

This actually is a great place. It feels good here. I'm glad I found this place.

THANK YOU GOOOOOOOGLE

[yaser]

I am very physical, finding it hard to forgive an act whereupon someones outwardly hurts me so I tend to snarl, bite and throw things. Damn, yes of course I'd rather be courageous and honest and communicate my hurt with 'maturity' but hey ho!
First I would try to find some clues that you may be right,Jenny and would say''Jenny, ''I am sure I made something to make you angry...But I don't know what it is..Please can you explain''?My first duty is not to violate your rights...but protect mine too..I know you are a nice lady .. :kk

[yaser]

This actually is a great place. It feels good here. I'm glad I found this place.

THANK YOU GOOOOOOOGLE
We have many nice friends here ..You will see later..They all need to trust..though Daddi.It seems you are the right person for them.

[Huzyerdaddi]

First I would try to find some clues that you may be right,Jenny and would say''Jenny, ''I am sure I made something to make you angry...But I don't know what it is..Please can you explain''?My first duty is not to violate your rights...but protect mine too..I know you are a nice lady .. :kk

Just watch out for flying knives and dishes while you're taking that soft approach Yaser. It sounds like she can get pretty aggressive!

[yaser]

Just watch out for flying knives and dishes while you're taking that soft approach Yaser. It sounds like she can get pretty aggressive!
Nope, Jenny bites but not hurts...Throws but not hits..

[Sk]

I go quiet the cold. I tend to bottle it up and fight it out with myself internally. My prefered reaction is to get in my car and drive as fast and as hard as I dare until I finally pull off somewhere and just sit. I really wish I were a person that could cry as it would feel so good to do when I am feeling hurt but to this day I cannot bring myself to do it.

[p.J]

First I would try to find some clues that you may be right,Jenny and would say''Jenny, ''I am sure I made something to make you angry...But I don't know what it is..Please can you explain''?My first duty is not to violate your rights...but protect mine too..I know you are a nice lady .. :kk

I am not nice yaser... I am positively annoyingly delicious! :) Ok! ok! after i had stuck the knives in your balls you would still remain reposeful?

[Huzyerdaddi]

I am not nice yaser... I am positively annoyingly delicious! :) Ok! ok! after i had stuck the knives in your balls you would still remain reposeful?


Yikes girl! Mr. Happy just shyed away like it's a cold day.

[yaser]

I am not nice yaser... I am positively annoyingly delicious! :) Ok! ok! after i had stuck the knives in your balls you would still remain reposeful?
Please use your scissors to empty my balls,Jenny..

[pointofnoreturn]

Actually gegtting a taste if that this weekend. Mr X texted me. Wanting to say hi....then when I respond he layed into me like I would have never expected him to...Then I am sorry
then you ******. wht the fuck??????My response to being hurt.......Let it go...move on....and sorry X you lose this time.....Friends is what is in my heart but I have to move on.....

[AL(m)]

Sorry to hear you were treated that way my dear... there is no call of it..... but I do like the way you handled it..... a very smart lady.... as well as a sexy one...... send you a hug.... doesnt stop the hurt.. but maybe just maybe helps..... :hug: :hug: :kk

Actually gegtting a taste if that this weekend. Mr X texted me. Wanting to say hi....then when I respond he layed into me like I would have never expected him to...Then I am sorry
then you ******. wht the fuck??????My response to being hurt.......Let it go...move on....and sorry X you lose this time.....Friends is what is in my heart but I have to move on.....

[pointofnoreturn]

Thanks amb....YOur hugs always help.......kisses to you too...

[OICurready4me]

I get quiet and keep to myself, looking for alone time to figure out what happened but I usually bounce back pretty good on the outside, even though on the inside I may still be hurting

[oldandnaked]

Nonchalance and Sarcasm usually works for me.

[Big O]

I get quiet and don't want anyone around me.
I know, typical male.....

[purring]

I get it off my chest by posting, and I must stop that, it hurts others, and that is never my intention.

[oc_guy_32]

i usually just try to get even...

[1hotmommy]

I usually clam up and don't want to talk about it for a while, even though I know that's the wrong thing for me to do. I do much better when I talk things through.

[Lacey]

I get quiet and don't want anyone around me.
I know, typical male.....





I do the same ......................does that make me a typical male? lol

[unctarheel_32]

I just go off by myself

[pointofnoreturn]

I also reevalutate the situation and see if it ireally is worth beign upset over. I try no to get upset too much. Heard this a long time ago. And it works for me. If it is not going to affect your next year?????Then let it go....

[MIGHTY]

I tend to get quiet and noncommunicative. You can ask me what's wrong and I'll tell you it's nothing. It may take a while for the truth to come out, but it usually does. Depending on how I was hurt and for what duration the reactions can be mixed. If it is a long term hurt, say here at home, I tend to expect and look for those actions in my future. I become afraid that similar people in similar situations will have the same actions. I tend to, unintentionally, punish those by expecting the same hurtful behaviors. I am trying to break this cycle, but it is very difficult. I am more of a "once bitten, twice shy" person. But for me, the shy is x10. I think it also depends on who does the hurtful things. I do tend to forgive, but fogetting is something entirely different. I stow away the pain so I can use it for future reference. I look for the same signs, the same demeanor, the same excuses.....and react unaccordingly.....there is usually not a valid reason for my reactions other than comparing similarities that do not exist......and I apologize for this.

[Sensual Woman]

I tend to withdraw and hide within myself

[scoobertina]

I hold it all in until I can't take it anymore, then something as silly as spilled milk sets me off.. I rant and rave about nothing and everything for about a half hour and then it is all gone...

[My_Secrets_Kept]

I hold it all in until I can't take it anymore, then something as silly as spilled milk sets me off.. I rant and rave about nothing and everything for about a half hour and then it is all gone...

Ditto!

hope you don't mind me ditto-ing you there Scoob. Wow! this gets more scary all the time ;)

[SkiBum980]

I get angry...Once I'm over it I'm ok

[ksue7274]

I usually follow my emotions which tend to get me into trouble.

[Outta]

I usually follow my emotions which tend to get me into trouble.
What she said.

[jmuma62]

I try to deal with it... the problem is that the other party is very explosive... she is like nitro.. a litle bump and a huge reaction

[Dmy]

When you are hurt either by anothers actions or because of your own actions, however well intentioned they were, what is your immediate initial reaction. How do you tend to react as soon as it happens, what's your split second knee-jerk reaction tell you to do? Do you tend to follow through on those sudden knee-jerk reactions or does better sense take ahold of you and reign you in?



I tend to be a peace maker. I dont like anyone hurt or upset. So I will usually try to make it peaceable in most cases or atleast understandable or find something to agree about.
When I get hurt, I retreat and most likely sulk for a bit, til I usually let it go or eventually confront the problem.
I am calm most of the time and the same when the sudden knee-jerkers come. I will be more sensitive to others and not let my feelings out much, but show atleast my care or concern. Im not sure if I am changing for the better or the worst...I hope for the better!

[pointofnoreturn]

Deal with it and let it go if you can........

[wolfman]

My first reaction is this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I've been stabbed. Depending on the kind of hurt, it's one of two reactions -- I either tear up because I'm so damned angry (which only makes me angrier at myself as well as the person who hurt me -- because really, who wants to show that they've been hurt?) or I shut down completely and, if possible, walk away from the situation. The first reaction comes when I feel I've been treated unfairly (like when you were a little kid without any power); the second one comes if the person is just being an idiot, selfish, an ass, etc.


Invariably, I try to think about what happened and calm down. Almost always, I can talk to the person, try to see her/his side, and draw a clean slate. It doesn't mean I'll forget, but I can treat them well and try to be a decent person toward them.
Ditto. And very well stated

[cheerymissy_34]

I usually react with anger....but i calm down real fast and then i will usually clam up and not talk

[djphoto]

My immediate reaction is disappointment in the person and a request for clarification as to be sure I am not overreacting. At the end of the day, I can't control other people, I can only control myself. I tend not to get angry. I forgive. But, I never forget. Fool me once shame on you. I Won't be fooled again.

[Torin]

It depends on the situation...

Usually I take the bitchy road... I smile, and simply walk away and ignore the offender.