Whats wrong with having a sex buddy on the side???

[dixiechiknga]

Nothing at all....

[crlscone]

I dont think that there is anything wrong with having someone on the side. as long as both know or that both are allowed to play also

[dave42]

Dave if you cant give back what you thinks she wants ur right to stay away as hard as it is>>but you reminded me of my last relationship and how i still often think of him.. miss him ... and long for all the great times and sex we had....he and i are 20 min apart but it got difficult and we never talk now... i'd give so so SOOOO much to kno if he missed me too...... point is.. if ur onlly afriad to talk to her again for fear of rejection... dont be u never know until u do and the worst that can happen is ur back to where u are right now....BUT if its too hot .. too close.. and u will string her along again cause you dont feel the same.. then dont open that wound on her end again..........sorry that may not help at all...:scI think this is really good advice. You are right. I have thought of this too. I would love to be friends with her even if we weren't ever going to have sex again. I would do anything for her if she needed help. But we live too far away. I did keep in contact with her for awhile, But she was a major distraction and I couldn't be with her. I am not afraid of being rejected I am sure she would talk to me. It is like you said, I don't want to open that door all over again. I would rather she put her energy into finding the guy of her dreams that would cherish her and love her.

[dave42]

I had a sex buddy back in university. We were both single but very good friends. We were attracted to each other but knew we wouldn't work in a relationship. So we decided to be sex buddies. It surprisingly worked out REALLy well. After a night at the bar, we would sometimes make booty calls if we didn't hook up that night. He would knock on my window at 3 am, would be drunk and i would invite him in. Good times. We still keep in contact. He got really drunk at my wedding though. I was worried he would start flirting, or would say something to my hubby. Phew!I probably would have done the same as him. After all he was losing his buddy to her new husband! Glad you are friends though. I think it was just his way of coping with the situation. I bet a lot of women in this situation would react the same way.

[Sweet_Redd]

Nothing, sometimes I wished I had one.

[mark_66]

maes sense Kristy - we all feel better about ourselves at times like that

[mark_66]

Funny part is hubby wins out in the end with great sex lol

[ted4956]

Would you, or have you ever participated in a threesome? If you haven't, would you like to?
I have been in a threesome once, and it was really nice. I would love to try it again - did you have something in mind, Sweet Redd?? :sc

[mark_66]

yes yes and a resounding yes lol

[navigater]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
I think a friend with benefits thing would be great. But eventually emotions and feelings are going to get involved then what do you do? This is easier said than done. To me sex is better the more you get to know someone and learn what they like and before you know it the emotions and feelings are in the way of your orginal intent.

[hardcock]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
i am maried for 19 years and i know i want sex all thet time

[Trouble69]

From my own personal life experiences, once 2 people start a relationship....whether it be an affair or just "normal" dating...no matter how much they say "let's not get serious" (for whatever reasons), it never works out. Stronger feelings start to develop in one if not both parties and someone winds up getting hurt.

But what's that saying? Better to have and lost, then to never had at all. Right? I feel that way. I guess it could still suck though. lol.

Stay positive! : )

[OnceAKing]

I agree with you Mark. I have had an affair before and it actually spiced up my sex life with my husband. I was really surprised by it. I guess because I was feeling sexy from being with someone else, it made me feel sexy at home too. Go figure.

Sigh, so much work....so little...

I need to get busy, lol

THE OAK

[mark_66]

never was much into the one-night stand kind of thing - intimacy comes (Cums) with time, friendship and knowledge

[hardcock]

i still think it is ok

[tyger river]

I think it's interesting that people on here keep talking about being true to their spouse and staying faithful in their marriage, and not messing up a good thing. Let's be honest, if you are here on this site, then there's probably something wrong with your marriage already!

[OnceAKing]

I think it's interesting that people on here keep talking about being true to their spouse and staying faithful in their marriage, and not messing up a good thing. Let's be honest, if you are here on this site, then there's probably something wrong with your marriage already!

No not all of us, Tyger...I got the perfect marriage....I really do! I never worry about her cheating on me,,,and I NEVER cheat on her!


Oak

[somemarriedguyinks]

I think it can be a healthy thing as long as you don't get caught and feelings dont get in way. An honest open relationship would be better if an option.

[fever]

I think it's interesting that people on here keep talking about being true to their spouse and staying faithful in their marriage, and not messing up a good thing. Let's be honest, if you are here on this site, then there's probably something wrong with your marriage already!

Which begs the question...is it realistic to expect one person to meet all your needs from a partner for the rest of your life? I've been married nearly 20 years and I figured out a long time ago that we will never be EVERYTHING to each other...and it doesn't make sense that we should. So if I'm here because there are needs not being met at home, does that necessarily mean there's something wrong in my marriage?

[jmsmith12345]

I prefer my sex buddy to be on top, on the side is ok, but the view is better when she is on top!

[OnceAKing]

Which begs the question...is it realistic to expect one person to meet all your needs from a partner for the rest of your life?

Hi Fever

You know I think it just may be that there is that one and only for each of us...it rarely happens, but it does on occasion. There are just soooo many pieces that have to fit together at the perfect time. If I'm wrong...please don't tell me...I just don't want to know it.


OAK

[1800Silver]

Nothing. Just wish I had one myself!

[mark_66]

no one has a perfect marriage in here - this is the place lost souls come to find paradise

[1800Silver]

And hopefully paradise isn't too far away!

[mark_66]

paradise lost - paradise regained

[OnceAKing]

And hopefully paradise isn't too far away!

Ahhh but Silver...objects in your mind may not be as close as they appear!


OAK

[Iwantutowantme]

Nothing is wrong with it if you think it is okay with you.....:)

[somemarriedguyinks]

I don't see a problem with it.

[1800Silver]

Ahhh but Silver...objects in your mind may not be as close as they appear!


OAK

Much as I hate to agree, it's true!

[dixiechiknga]

There is nothing wrong with a sex buddy on the side. Does anyone have an extra??:ok

[1800Silver]

There is nothing wrong with a sex buddy on the side. Does anyone have an extra??:ok

I wish I did!

[Goodfella]

In some cultures, having a 'mistress' or 'mister' is an accepted norm. I feel that, if there is a mutual understanding between you and our spouse that having a 'friend or friends with benefits' is ok and it does not mean your unhappy in the marriage then, fine, why not. Sometimes, this kind of agreement can make the marriage even stronger because, like some have already said, things can become stale at times. It spices things up in an already healthy relationship I think. There's no deceptions, going behind the others back, no lies to be made. Me and my wife have a wonderful and secure relationship and both know that it's each other that we're coming home to at the end of the day. Our favorite quote is, "Grow old with me, the best is yet to be". That says it all.

[Sweet_Redd]

I have been in a threesome once, and it was really nice. I would love to try it again - did you have something in mind, Sweet Redd?? :sc
I was asked to participate in one, so I was just trying to get some input on the matter. But if you're asking, we might could work something out.

[rubber2road]

There is nothing wrong with a sex buddy on the side. Does anyone have an extra??:ok

Extra here! :ok

[mark_66]

ok so we could kind of choose teams of two here pairing off males and females and report back in 30 days to the group on the success of having fuck buddies lol

[nwohio]

We are humans we get bored, in a rut blah blah blah. I had a friend that said every great marriage needs a "healthy" affair every 4 years. Not sure if this is true or not. He is still happily married. He also said regarding monogomy.
"Even if 100 million people believe in a bad idea....It's still a bad idea":nopity

[mark_66]

like i said previously marrige is a un natural state of being in nature - does not change anything if 100 billion folks think its a good idea

[dave42]

I am going to start dating again if my Mrs. doesen't get it together. A sex buddy would be great. But a real friend with benefits would be even better.

[marriedwomanchaser]

There has been times I sure could have used one of two sex angels on the side for sure, I can not see anything wrong with the idea as long as noone gets hurt.

[trucker200719]

Right now my only sex buddy is Mr. Buzzzz:di

well me name isn't mr. buzz but i m willing to change it if u like....:sex

[Goodfella]

i'm all for having sex buddies...by the way, trucker...love the quote...i'm a major dio fan!!!

[Gz]

There is nothing wrong with a sex buddy on the side. Does anyone have an extra??:ok

Not sure bout an extra but I'll be sooo kind as to offer my services

[mark_66]

lets vote for sex buddies in the fall instead of those nimrods running for pres

[TC]

I dont see anything wrong with it either. I as a woman have just as many urges as a man does - and I like the no strings attached - no fuss no muss - get in and get out.

[mark_66]

hmm would you mind if I linger awhile while in before pulling out TCMO2? lol

[pointofnoreturn]

It all really depends on which side they are on. If they are on your side.....Then nothing...

[sterlingsilver]

It's fine as long as everyone knows what the relationship is about and (hopefully) wants the same things out of it.

[Iwantutowantme]

I dont see anything wrong with it either. I as a woman have just as many urges as a man does - and I like the no strings attached - no fuss no muss - get in and get out.

I like your attitude...

[afoxtx6767]

this is a good question , but sometimes you are driven to find a friend with benefits, yes I also don't want to hurt others feelings but then again why go without even if you discuss it with your other half and she still won't do.

[sterlingsilver]

Also - people often seem to see their situation as if they are the only ones who ever had to struggle with their needs - or as if they were the only ones to succumb to them. I am not nearly so hard on myself anymore...

Plus, I love to read and study history, and the one thing you get from that is that there have been people who do as they please (for whatever reason) for as long as there have been people on this earth. I jokingly have referred to myself as a rake and a libertine, but in truth I often can't get into trouble even when I want to! :satan:

Part of the attitudes come from our culture, which is really hung up on sex. That isn't the case in other cultures, and it hasn't been that way through history - even in Western Cultures. Other periods in history were much more relaxed about sex and relationships outside of marriage.

[afoxtx6767]

I do agree with you 100 percent, but this is a different world that we are living, where sex is on the brain

[Intensetaster]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
Affairs are exciting but can be bad. I have had a few...I am like you and needed to find more. My first one I hurried along and it wasnt the best. Since I have chatted with the woman for a time to get a deeper connection to make sure I wasnt getting myself into any fatal attraction. One woman we chatted for about 4 months before we met and still did not the first meeting. It was the second time!

Good luck and I'd love to flirt with you anytime!

[tigger1954]

nothing as long as I don't get caught

[afoxtx6767]

Yes i do agree, that is why you have to find the right one, lay down the rules of what we are looking for, my first went very well scary at first, but got easiler because the thrust was there, and yes if it goes bad yep(trouble) thanks for your input Intensetaster, love to flirt with you also i can already feel it :)

[Orca08]

Well, I don't think I could actually meet someone, but I love chatting and playing. getting to know someone, especially if you get along well. playing on the phone or cam is all i have considered.

[afoxtx6767]

Hello Orca08 ,Thanks I am here also for flirting and to talk to anyone that wants to talk and i am a good listener

[Orca08]

oh so you enjoy listening also foxtx. nice. it turns me on so much to listen : )))

[afoxtx6767]

Yes Orca08 I have always been told that I am a good listener, how about yourself

[Bam Bam]

Hi, I am Bam Bam and after 24 years of being married I agree with partygal

[Taren]

Well a sex buddy might be ok. Problem is that sex always leads to emotional ties.

I have to agree. I wish it were possible to turn off our feelings and just have sex but that is rare. It usually ends with one wanting more than the other and someone gets hurt.

[trucker200719]

I have to agree. I wish it were possible to turn off our feelings and just have sex but that is rare. It usually ends with one wanting more than the other and someone gets hurt.


u r so right sue but if u want to try it without emotions i m willing to give it a shot.......:sex :sng ..........lol

[Taren]

:sc Hmmmmm, you do say that PA is your favorite state......lol.

[trucker200719]

:sc Hmmmmm, you do say that PA is your favorite state......lol.

not favorite but one of them and i will be there on monday......:ok:sng

[MarriedQt]

Sorry to say but the grass just isn't greener on the other side. How long is it gonna take before this affair dries up? How many other partners are you going to go through? It could get ugly.....believe me. I was the "other" woman before. I fell sooo in love with the man it was crazy. He kept telling me that he was in love with me too and that he was leaving his wife soon. Yeah he left her alright and moved in with his OTHER girlfriend. He still calls every once in awhile for "bootycalls" and still says he loves me but i've moved on. I'd never want another person to lead me on like that again. It really hurt all invlolved.

[jmsmith12345]

Having a sex buddy on the side is fine, but you just need to remain aware of the possible complications and consequences of your action. I have had a few FBs, and some got more complicated than others, but I always have the rule that when someone say it is over, then it is over. Just be careful who you choose for your FB, or it can come back to haunt you.

[trucker200719]

Having a sex buddy on the side is fine, but you just need to remain aware of the possible complications and consequences of your action. I have had a few FBs, and some got more complicated than others, but I always have the rule that when someone say it is over, then it is over. Just be careful who you choose for your FB, or it can come back to haunt you.

u r so right jm.. thats the reason i have been afraid to find a sex buddy cause it seems most times one or the other wants a full time relationship and the other don't

[afoxtx6767]

bam bam, this is were you communicate with your lover and tell them that it is just lust talking and nothing else, the majority of fault people fall in love when it should be a little on the side kind of fun

[funtimes999999]

Having a sex buddy on the side is fine, but you just need to remain aware of the possible complications and consequences of your action. I have had a few FBs, and some got more complicated than others, but I always have the rule that when someone say it is over, then it is over. Just be careful who you choose for your FB, or it can come back to haunt you.

I'd have to agree with you on this one as well jm. If only spouse's were more open to realize that lust is just that, lust. Sharing a bedroom with one person is a nice dream, but only that. I think the swinging community is starting to grow more now as well.

[afoxtx6767]

I agree

[mike76239]

there is nothing wrong with having a buddy.......heck thats why we are all here right?.......sometimes the grass is greener on the other side it all depends on the fertilizer used lol

[MIGHTY]

I have a feeling I would be in BIG, BIG trouble!:nu

[Cary_Under]

.

[mark_66]

Hello Cary Under - sounds like a match

[afoxtx6767]

Cary Under put me in your buddy list :)

[Cary_Under]

this is what i looked like at 20, only with bigger boobs, anybody else wants to be my FWB?

[sterlingsilver]

Me too...but I like the avatar you have now as well.

[Constance]

It's sounding pretty good right now! :sex

[Cary_Under]

thanks, you both!

[mark_66]

Good afternoon all - sorry dropped out last night - in Germany on business this week and its a 6 hour timezone difference

[afoxtx6767]

Yes it is morally wrong,but sometimes you have to go outside the marriage just to get some cause you wife ain't acting right, that is where a friend with benefits comes in, that is why you have to talk before anything happens to make there is an understanding of what we are doing, and if it is just sex then leave at sex only

[Cary_Under]

.

[mark_66]

well thank you sweet lady but I will be stateside soon

[Cary_Under]

.

[mark_66]

where in NJ?

[Cary_Under]

.

[mark_66]

familair with the Tinton Falls area?

[Cary_Under]

.

[mark_66]

within the state of NJ?

[LuckyJest]

thanks, you both!

42 years old...my favorite number Miss sexy... :dl

[Cary_Under]

Lucky, I have to ask you, how did you get to 604 posts in 1 month????

[mark_66]

Easy answer is to spend less time in chatrooms and more time on threads - the chatroom conversations do not add to your posts

[Cary_Under]

are you trying to say i spend too much time in chat rooms?

[mark_66]

no its none of my business where you spend or with whom you spend your time on line you asked how the guy got so many posts in month

[Cary_Under]

ok, ok, don't get snappy lol

[mark_66]

so enjoy the chatrooms lol i beleive the GeekMaster is waiting lol

[Cary_Under]

u'r jeolous, aren't u? I like that!!!

[pointofnoreturn]

Nothing wrong with a sex buddy on either side of me...

[mark_66]

lmao - no but i was not pleased that you wanted me to come into the chatroom and then were to busy playing with geekmaster to chat so simply i dislike wasting my time

[mark_66]

lol pointofnoreturn a male and female? lol

[pointofnoreturn]

lol pointofnoreturn a male and female? lolI am always up for something new....:lf

[private beaches]

u'r jeolous, aren't u? I like that!!!

Welcome Cary!! Hope youre enjoying the site!!

[Cary_Under]

.

[Cary_Under]

thanks, private.

[mark_66]

well look at the bright side we almost had a chat lmao - enjoy the chatroom

[rugbyguy]

I love to flirt but couldn't live with the guilt of going all the way

[rugbyguy]

Welcome Cary!! Hope youre enjoying the site!!
love the avatar private

[mark_66]

depends upon the marriage and how it is prograssing - sex on the side certainly will offer little to sustain the marriage but then would anything?

[Cary_Under]

ther are no easy solutions i guess

[Kevin7284]

yo uwont find what you are looking for.

[MrHyde]

ther are no easy solutions i guess

It appears not. Anything worth anything is hard, takes planning, and invovles risk and consequnces. It sure is fun to flirt with the idea however.

[MrHyde]

Is that you in the avatar private....cause....um....wow

[Checkmate]

i've never had a "alternate partner" on the side. don't know if i would, but i would have to have some sort of emotional investment to do that, "the juice would have to be worth the squeeze" so to speak.

[Itshardon-theroad]

I'm not sure it is possible in the long term. I have/had one. She and I could talk about anything together as friends and have the most amazing sex (she's a squirter!) and then leave and go back to our spouses. It was fine until she started having trouble in her marriage. She realized she cared for me more than just as a friend because I took better care of her and showed more love to her than her spouse. It became so strong, it was impossible to keep being lovers so now we are "just" friends.

I suppose it is possible if you are just meeting for sex, but once you establish a friendship or any other kind of relationship that involves some emotion (there sure as heck is emotion involved in sex), then I don't think it is possible to sustain it for a long time.

[gspotlover]

I had a "friend" when I was married to my first wife. Our marrage was bad from day one and would never have lasted for more than a couple of years. We faught all the time, and our sex life was non-exsistant. But then I found my friend, and our marrage picked right up and we ended up being married for eight years. Most of those eight tears were pretty good, but I had that same friend for the last six of those years. When we divorced it was a mutual agreement and we parted as friends. But I must say, it was because of my "friend" that I was able to deal with the sexual frustration all those years.

[gspotlover]

I'm not sure it is possible in the long term. I have/had one. She and I could talk about anything together as friends and have the most amazing sex (she's a squirter!) and then leave and go back to our spouses. It was fine until she started having trouble in her marriage. She realized she cared for me more than just as a friend because I took better care of her and showed more love to her than her spouse. It became so strong, it was impossible to keep being lovers so now we are "just" friends.

I suppose it is possible if you are just meeting for sex, but once you establish a friendship or any other kind of relationship that involves some emotion (there sure as heck is emotion involved in sex), then I don't think it is possible to sustain it for a long time.

I agree. My "friend" and only met for sex. We were both married and we were both sexually without and frustrated. We never discussed our home lives or anything to do with our spouses, and we just met for sex. We met once or twice a week at a little motel. When my wife and I fianlly divorced and I started dating my current wife, I broke it off with my "friend". We had no emotional ties. We just had incrediable sex!

[Nomad(m)]

I have had this one look me straight in the face recently. I think the excitement of it and the fantasy of it, are much more appealing than the real thing. I dont think I can live with the guilt. I can't be the guy ladies like Carrie Underwood, and Rhianna write songs about.

[Kissie]

I just couldnt do it...not worth losing what I have...and he is all I want anyway!!!!

[gspotlover]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?


Only you can decide what is right for youself. I never had a problem with having a "thing" on the side.

[trausersnake]

I dont know Kissie, I might be able to make you think twice about that position. I might just be the hottest love you ever experience. Are you going to go through the rest of your life wondering what could have been. Your only young once, I am just laying here waiting for you join me in what could be the most mind blowing sex you ever had. Hmmm, you are sooo sexy Kissie.
:sng
I just couldnt do it...not worth losing what I have...and he is all I want anyway!!!!

[trausersnake]

I would make it all worth it Constance. The sweet love I would make to you would last in your memories for eternity. Trausersnake holds out his hand to Constance and welcomes her into his bedroom.

It's sounding pretty good right now! :sex

[Checkmate]

I had a "friend" when I was married to my first wife. Our marrage was bad from day one and would never have lasted for more than a couple of years. We faught all the time, and our sex life was non-exsistant. But then I found my friend, and our marrage picked right up and we ended up being married for eight years. Most of those eight tears were pretty good, but I had that same friend for the last six of those years. When we divorced it was a mutual agreement and we parted as friends. But I must say, it was because of my "friend" that I was able to deal with the sexual frustration all those years.

you know, i've heard of it helping marriages, then again... i've heard of it destroying them also...

[slim]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
i think a lot of people feel the same as you.maybe it's the excitement of someting new or maybe the lack of excitement at home.i'm sure there's many reasons.but i guess the bottom line is in your own convictions,we are all individuals and our needs are also.i think you should be able to do what you want without the judgement of others.but hey,that's just my opinion.

[Silent96813]

I know just what you mean. I love my wife but I'd like to feel something different from time to time. Just make sure you practive safe sex, you wouldn't want to come home with something you didn't leave with.

Now, if you do go out and get a little on the side, do you follow the rule of what your spouse doesn't know won't hurt them?

[UltimateNaneki]

Well I have one and the problem is that, he is here about 30mins a day. So I'm alone the rest of the time.....I'm so lonely.

[Charmed]

you can't unring a bell..... you have to be positive...

[yaser]

you can't unring a bell..... you have to be positive...

Are you positive now?

[dcowboy09]

Well I have one and the problem is that, he is here about 30mins a day. So I'm alone the rest of the time.....I'm so lonely.

sounds like a repair guy instead of a f buddy......

[Charmed]

I'm gettin there.

[yaser]

I'm gettin there.

Critical thinking helps ..

[catmom]

While I enjoy having cyber and phone buddies - I'd never go to a physical affair. At least I hope I wouldn't. I love my husband and while I don't think he'd particularly be happy about the buddies I do have - I think he could understand knowing our situation and relationship now - but having an actual, physical lover would be over the edge. Besides, it's much easier to keep emotions distant when you're online or on the phone - but not in person - you can't hide your eyes...

[Checkmate]

- but not in person - you can't hide your eyes...

you could hide one if you wore an eyepatch!! then they would only see half of what you are thinking/feeling, which is only what guys see most of the time anyway, so technically, it would only be a quarter of what you are actually thinking/feeling... LOL!

[Checkmate]

I'm gettin there.


OoOOOOoo do tell where are you going MFM?

[crlscone]

nothing wrong with it as long as the other can also or knows

[catmom]

nothing wrong with it as long as the other can also or knows

how do you know they don't know...hmmm...

personally - if I found out my hubby was doing what I've been doing - hmmm - huge turn on....

does that make me weird????:sc

[jman]

I miss my buddy

[WandaRing]

The problems begin when the guilt and WTF am I doing starts creeping in...reality can really suck sometimes.... Okay a lot of the time.

[cowhog]

hi

[OntheDownLow]

I don't know whats 'wrong' with it other then I think there is a genuine disconnect in the relationship with a fuck buddy. That is, while you may be able to keep it sorted, partners don't understand "just sex". And very few people are in a place where they can be both sexually and emotionally satisfied, so the friend creeps in. I think it is a normal thing, but I seem to be alone in that thought.

[PokerAfterDark]

Could it work? I think possibly, but both participants would have to be in exactly the same situation where they were both perfectly happy with their main situation other than sex. Then, the FB ground rules would have to be mutual, of course.

Now, I don't expect that's typical, at all. It's all too easy for other feelings to slip in whenever you are dealing with something like sex that is so instinctual with people. Not to mention possible repercussions if your wife/husband/SO discovered what was going on. Maybe two expert spies could pull it off, but that reminds me too much of that "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" movie which had to be one of the worst of all time, and the same could probably said for my thoughts on this topic. lol

[FizProf]

A good reference:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut
http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018

[DaiOh]

for, as long as it doesnt slip into real life, some fun here is fine, I think it's just the modern world and a new form of fantasy

[mr1980]

I think to remove the connection we have with people on an emotional level during sex, whether deep or shallow, may be impossible. That's what makes us human. Masturbation, is physical. Sex, is being physical with an emotional person. A "Buddy" fills an emotional need. What one person needs, differs greatly from the next. I think what many of us desire, is sex without consequence. Which only exists if you have a very emotional hand puppet. So one persons detatched "F" buddy, is another persons attached lover. But if you want either it's totally up to the individual.

[rugbyguy]

While I enjoy having cyber and phone buddies - I'd never go to a physical affair. At least I hope I wouldn't. I love my husband and while I don't think he'd particularly be happy about the buddies I do have - I think he could understand knowing our situation and relationship now - but having an actual, physical lover would be over the edge. Besides, it's much easier to keep emotions distant when you're online or on the phone - but not in person - you can't hide your eyes...
my feelings exactly

[rugbyguy]

While I enjoy having cyber and phone buddies - I'd never go to a physical affair. At least I hope I wouldn't. I love my husband and while I don't think he'd particularly be happy about the buddies I do have - I think he could understand knowing our situation and relationship now - but having an actual, physical lover would be over the edge. Besides, it's much easier to keep emotions distant when you're online or on the phone - but not in person - you can't hide your eyes...
the guilt would get me

[UltimateNaneki]

ok and here is the reverse....Although I have had a sex buddy, in no way to I have any plan in causing any harm in his marriage. He came to me to have fun and that is what we have. I'm not jealous of his wife or of the time he does not spend with me.
We both enjoy the time we spend together and if at any time one of us would say...NO MORE PLEASE, we will both respect the other.

[massage mike]

how do you know they don't know...hmmm...

personally - if I found out my hubby was doing what I've been doing - hmmm - huge turn on....

does that make me weird????:sc:xmass
you mean you would get turned on getting him off while he is having cyber yea I can dig that:xmass

[Alfalfa]

for, as long as it doesnt slip into real life, some fun here is fine, I think it's just the modern world and a new form of fantasy

Completely agree. You have to be able to separate the two. a FB is not a replacement for your marriage. Just an extension of who you are. If anything it should enhance your life.

[Sweet_Redd]

First I said there was nothing wrong with it. Now I say be very careful, very careful. You can get into a lot of trouble. I got me one, had mind blowing sex, and the stupid condom broke. I might be pregnant and the f*** buddy is getting on my last nerves. Now I regret ever having one.

[DaiOh]

wow, that is quite a tale...scary...

[Sweet_Redd]

wow, that is quite a tale...scary...
Sorry, but it is a true one.

[DaiOh]

that is a cautionary tale it has to be said...

[Alfalfa]

First I said there was nothing wrong with it. Now I say be very careful, very careful. You can get into a lot of trouble. I got me one, had mind blowing sex, and the stupid condom broke. I might be pregnant and the f*** buddy is getting on my last nerves. Now I regret ever having one.

I'm not laying blame on anyone for your situation. It just proves that both sides have to be mature enough for what is involved. The fantasy of a younger something sounds great. The real life emotional state of someone younger can never be taken for granted.

[Kenman101]

caution is the key!

[jacktanner]

All I know is after 11 years, the affection is far too rare. It feels very very wrong right now.

[Maddi]

It seems so wrong but.............................

[Checkmate]

If it's just physical... like a basic hook up, i don't see the point, it's a bit wrong. If you've made a real connection with someone and it comes to physical interaction, then i don't see anything wrong with it (i know it's wrong though). still, we are all on our own journey, whether you want to make it a difficult one or let the road take you where it goes, it's up to you.

[forfun1969]

I think you have to be ready and able to handle the consequenses if you get caught. Caution may be key but so many times people thought they could pull it off and were surprised when the truth eventually came out and they were busted. Best to be prepared for what would happen if you got caught or else don't venture to even go there. Just my opinion.

[goodman101]

sometimes it cant be fixed....if you have a situation where your wife all of a sudden claims to her friends she is cellibate.....and she tells you to get a prostitute or woman on the side .....that is a delema....but a man can only take so much rejection

[icylady125]

how true.........also when your husband says its a no go........so what is a woman to do?

[catmom]

While I enjoy having cyber and phone buddies - I'd never go to a physical affair. At least I hope I wouldn't. I love my husband and while I don't think he'd particularly be happy about the buddies I do have - I think he could understand knowing our situation and relationship now - but having an actual, physical lover would be over the edge. Besides, it's much easier to keep emotions distant when you're online or on the phone - but not in person - you can't hide your eyes...

Update - never say never....and the way things have been - yea I could go physical right now....thinking I'm falling out of love with my hubby....

[Sweetdreams069]

Thought I would never do it too, but I guess the adventurous side of me took over. No regrets and I'd do it again if it was right.

[StripPoker]

Update - never say never....and the way things have been - yea I could go physical right now....thinking I'm falling out of love with my hubby....


That is a hard place to be. You have friends here if you need them.

[mrwhatif]

never get involved with anyone that has less to lose then you do

[Taren]

I don't see anything wrong with it if there are no attachments. Just trying to convince the hubby now.

[StripPoker]

I don't see anything wrong with it if there are no attachments. Just trying to convince the hubby now.


I agree...but it can be an emotional roller coaster even after he is convinced

[bighands]

emm, that it partially solves the physical need, while deepening the emotional cut?

[dcowboy09]

i say it can be treated like a friendship, just with one more benefit.

[sexytiger]

Its all so complicated... :D:

[pointofnoreturn]

Not complicated if you find the right person. Just fun.....

[celtichazel]

i soooo miss having one, i felt alive and interested in life......nothing wrong with it with the right person and situation can be life altering!

[Nice]

i'm beginning to think absolutely nothing.

[sexytiger]

Whispering in nice's ear, putting images back in there.

[catmom]

Seems in my experience there's always emotional crap that happens....I guess I need to learn to just keep it sex only.....

[nurse.hottie]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
being very open minded on this but have you ever considered asking your spouse? maybe they're on the same page as you

[whtwmnlvr]

In the immortal words of R. Kelly, I dont see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.....

[Low Rider]

The problem with a friend with benifits is….in the beginning she says she is only in it for the sex/friendship. And guess what…6-months later she says “I’m in love with you”. That’s what sucks about having a friend with benefits.

I will say, the sex is fantastic because you’re both like wild animals in heat, but the “I love you thing” really blindsided me. Now I have to try and get out of this mess.

[sweetsouthernbelle]

The problem with a friend with benifits is….in the beginning she says she is only in it for the sex/friendship. And guess what…6-months later she says “I’m in love with you”. That’s what sucks about having a friend with benefits.

I will say, the sex is fantastic because you’re both like wild animals in heat, but the “I love you thing” really blindsided me. Now I have to try and get out of this mess.


that's when you remind her what the very clear boundaries were from the begining.. (you did set very clear boundaries, right?)

[massage mike]

like the jerry seinfeld thing no staying over no phone calls the next day

[Low Rider]

that's when you remind her what the very clear boundaries were from the begining.. (you did set very clear boundaries, right?)

That’s the funny thing about this, she is the one that initially said “we are only in this for the sex and excitement and if either of us starts to have feelings….we need to bail.”

I don’t think she is in love, it’s just the best sex she’s ever had. NOOOOO…I’m not bragging, she just never felt so beautiful and open about herself. She is 5’8’’ gorgeous and a body made for “sin”. I guess her husband wanted a trophy wife and not a lover. She has lost all inhibitions and does things she’s never done with him/anyone. She says she always fantasized about a relationship like ours but her husband didn’t follow through. He's a Dumb Ass!!

So I’m just saying…….“Careful what you wish for”

Oh-yeah, I did forget to mention....I am really-really good in bed!!!! :lf :lf :lf

[Legin]

It can work if you are both looking for the same thing and both descret

[Sneaky]

The problem with a friend with benifits is….in the beginning she says she is only in it for the sex/friendship. And guess what…6-months later she says “I’m in love with you”. That’s what sucks about having a friend with benefits.

I will say, the sex is fantastic because you’re both like wild animals in heat, but the “I love you thing” really blindsided me. Now I have to try and get out of this mess.
Six months of that? Probobly been doing it too long if you want to keep emotion out of it. Some people just can't.

[fly]

That’s the funny thing about this, she is the one that initially said “we are only in this for the sex and excitement and if either of us starts to have feelings….we need to bail.”

I don’t think she is in love, it’s just the best sex she’s ever had. NOOOOO…I’m not bragging, she just never felt so beautiful and open about herself. She is 5’8’’ gorgeous and a body made for “sin”. I guess her husband wanted a trophy wife and not a lover. She has lost all inhibitions and does things she’s never done with him/anyone. She says she always fantasized about a relationship like ours but her husband didn’t follow through. He's a Dumb Ass!!

So I’m just saying…….“Careful what you wish for”

Oh-yeah, I did forget to mention....I am really-really good in bed!!!! :lf :lf :lf




Are you advertising that?
Cuz......it sounds like you are already in over your head.

[Shawn]

Are you advertising that?
Cuz......it sounds like you are already in over your head.


What gave you that impression.. was it the second really?

[Low Rider]

Over my head?? I’ll be out of this by the end of next week.

It’s time to move on…..

[fly]

What gave you that impression.. was it the second really?


Nah..........just my amazing womanly intuition!:sg

[fly]

Over my head?? I’ll be out of this by the end of next week.

It’s time to move on…..




Uhhh.......she gave you 6 months.
And it sounds like she didn't INTEND for this to happen.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do......I just feel for her.
Surely that 6 months of mind-blowing sex is worth trying to not hurt her or run TOO fast in the opposite direction?

[Low Rider]

I'll be nice.... not to worry.

[tommy1055]

I'm really torn on that issue. I would like to have a sex buddy on the side, but then again my marriage vows mean something. At home though it's very trying, because there is no sex, and I could really use some.

[icylady125]

same here tommy .but in the end........ someone always gets hurt!

[whtwmnlvr]

I see nothing wrong with it, just try to keep feeling out of it as much as possible.

[tallguy32]

I think if it was a night here and a day there thing and not too often you might be able to keep emotions out of it. 6 months? It's going to get tough for both parties to keep their feelings out of it. Might want to consider TLR Time Limited Relationships

[catmom]

every time my bud and I meet - a good time is had by all!

[Legin]

Both parties know what they are doing, then go for it

[SOUTHGAHEAT]

nothin far as im concerned

[dixiechiknga]

Not a damn thing!!!!:ok

[Fwd40s]

A sex buddy shouldn't be on the side...either under, on top or in front but not on the side

[forfun1969]

I think I'm more an all or nothing type of person. Couldn't keep it just sex unless it was a situation where I didn't have the opportunity to develope a relationship with the other person.

[whtwmnlvr]

Nothing wrong with it at all, who needs one?

[Bubblygirlie]

i wish you could just get that someone on the side without hurting your husbands feelings. wouldnt that be great?

[yaser]

i wish you could just get that someone on the side without hurting your husbands feelings. wouldnt that be great?

Win win is the best strategy..:sng

[jasonmnusa]

just don't tell him bubbly.

[Bubblygirlie]

just don't tell him bubbly.
im too nice, id feel guilty lol

[yaser]

im too nice, id feel guilty lol

You are a very nice girl Bubbly..Don't do anything you will feel guilty..Leave it to time..I see you feel in conflict..

[Bubblygirlie]

You are a very nice girl Bubbly..Don't do anything you will feel guilty..Leave it to time..I see you feel in conflict..
coming to this site has helped me a bit, but i havent been the happiest bunny these days, but hey at least im well, im alive, plenty of things to be grateful for.

[jasonmnusa]

thats a good start. this site is really good about helping you realize you are ok... and if you are wanting more from hubby, and he's willing there are some good tips on here to help try new things in and out of the bedroom

[Bubblygirlie]

tips?? where???

[john30]

i think everyone should, keeps life interesting

[mrdc]

Someone say they need a tip? I think we all have to decide what's right for our own personal circumstance...I think the most important thing is to not judge until you have walked in someone's "shoes" or slept in their bed ;)

[Bubblygirlie]

Someone say they need a tip? I think we all have to decide what's right for our own personal circumstance...I think the most important thing is to not judge until you have walked in someone's "shoes" or slept in their bed ;)
well said mrdc, well said :ok

[Samgoody]

I would rather have a sex buddy on top or on the bottom.

[mer]

um...i'm all for sex on the side! wait was that the question?

[Andytyme]

um...i'm all for sex on the side! wait was that the question?

Um I dont know what the question was but I am here to give you that side sex...

[Han Solo]

Well at the moment the only thing I can think of is that I'd have to give her a better name than "Buddy".......I gotta imagine it'd be kind of a boner killer to be gettin all crazy and havin to end each phrase with the word "buddy":sg

[mer]

k...meet me around back!!

[Andytyme]

k...meet me around back!!


Im sorry but did you say "have sex with you from the back?" I thought this was side sex we were trying for. Man I gotta keep up..

[mer]

Im sorry but did you say "have sex with you from the back?" I thought this was side sex we were trying for. Man I gotta keep up..


umm did all that side sex confuse you? i said i'll meet u out back!! but i suppose from the back works too!

[Andytyme]

umm did all that side sex confuse you? i said i'll meet u out back!! but i suppose from the back works too!


Ok, Im taking notes here. We meet out back, start off with side sex, then finish with sex from the back, right? Ok, READY SET GO!.

[Missbehaved]

tempting isn't it..........don't think I could do it though

[NotTooGirly]

I've thought about this a lot, before coming to this site and since, and for us ladies I think it boils down to one important thing: you have to be willing to accept that "other woman" status. Even if he's married, too, you'll be the "other woman" and have to shoulder all the baggage that comes with that: OW don't get to miss their lovers when they're gone, or any of those other feelings that might feel perfectly normal to have. It's the thing that causes us to get more involved than we should, and something that has to be weighed even over and above guilt - because, let's face it, if we're one kiss away from doing the deed we've dealt with the guilt (at least I have).

I apologize for that terribly serious interlude there...we now return you to your regularly scheduled NotTooGirly, already in progress. :dd

[massage mike]

I've thought about this a lot, before coming to this site and since, and for us ladies I think it boils down to one important thing: you have to be willing to accept that "other woman" status. Even if he's married, too, you'll be the "other woman" and have to shoulder all the baggage that comes with that: OW don't get to miss their lovers when they're gone, or any of those other feelings that might feel perfectly normal to have. It's the thing that causes us to get more involved than we should, and something that has to be weighed even over and above guilt - because, let's face it, if we're one kiss away from doing the deed we've dealt with the guilt (at least I have).

I apologize for that terribly serious interlude there...we now return you to your regularly scheduled NotTooGirly, already in progress. :dd the other woman yes but the passion that goes with it oooooooooooh mmmmmmmmmmmm:xmass

[NotTooGirly]

the other woman yes but the passion that goes with it

I'll let you know if and when I get there, Mike. :)

[Sneaky]

I've thought about this a lot, before coming to this site and since, and for us ladies I think it boils down to one important thing: you have to be willing to accept that "other woman" status. Even if he's married, too, you'll be the "other woman" and have to shoulder all the baggage that comes with that: OW don't get to miss their lovers when they're gone, or any of those other feelings that might feel perfectly normal to have. It's the thing that causes us to get more involved than we should, and something that has to be weighed even over and above guilt - because, let's face it, if we're one kiss away from doing the deed we've dealt with the guilt (at least I have).

I apologize for that terribly serious interlude there...we now return you to your regularly scheduled NotTooGirly, already in progress. :dd


All very true. On the flip side of that the other woman doesn't have to:

Pick up his underwear
Iron his shirts
Make him dinner
Like his mother
Make his dentist appointments
Fight about bills
So there are those we got goin' for us. :ok

[NotTooGirly]

:na Indeed.:lmao

All very true. On the flip side of that the other woman doesn't have to:

Pick up his underwear

Iron his shirts

Make him dinner
Like his mother

Make his dentist appointments
Fight about bills

So there are those we got goin' for us. :ok

[gatorgal]

all I wanted was a "friend with benefits" and I got soooo much more..

[fishingman68]

I think it is wonderful that your looking party girl....I think there is nothing better than having someone on side that makes you happy..as long as they stay on the side...its great..looking for someone like that to

[scoobertina]

nothing... I think sex takes your mind off of all your troubles... and besides... who needs anything other than a good fuck? even a not so good fuck... damn... if all he does is takes me then rolls away.. hell I am used to that... did that for a few *21* years... I can deal with more of the same

[Stellathomas]

It's easy to give casual sex lots of different names, but at the end of the day it's all about doing the same thing. It is about one off sexual encounters with strangers or agreements that can stretch over a longer period of time between two people who have sex together.
-------------------
Stellathomas


http://www.hookup-tonite.com

[TIGUY]

uhhh...perhaps the fact that most of us are married????

[MIGHTY]

I think I would be in big, big trouble.....:sc

[OICurready4me]

I think I would be in big, big trouble.....:sc

me too...

[azbeau]

Personally, I see nothing wrong with having a friend on the side with benefits as long as both people are okay with it. I'm in a situation where my wife and I have talked about having separate lovers on the side, and we are still discussing/testing the waters on that matter. Way I see it, as long as no one gets hurt emotionally or physically, I have no problem with it.

[Skydiver12500]

There are some sincere thoughts in this thread of postings. The initial decision to cheat is not easy. Most people enter marriage with the idea that they have found the perfect mate and intend to honor their vows. Then reality enters....too much work, stress, the kids cause problems or you simply did not know your spouse well enough before you got married.

For me, it was when my stunningly beautiful asian wife of only 3 yrs. simply turned cold and lost interest in me as a man after our second child. She devoted herself fully to the children and ignored me. I fully supported her teaching the kids Japanese, but could not understand why she refused to teach them English...now i understand, her conversations with them are generally in Japanese and I have effectively been frozen out of the family.

My first night with another lady was a mixture of guilt and desire. But the next moring when we woke up and she told me how much better lover I was than her husband and how she wanted me again....well...the guilt faded quickly and after the first few dates I have never been sorry for the decision to find warmth and pleasure outside of my marriage.

You do need to watch emotional attachment...that is very difficult when you lover is not only fun in bed, but a really great person and you have many interest in common besides sex. Llastly you need to be prepared to pay the price. I do not want a divorce, but for the last 10 yrs. it has just been cold and althought I do all I can not to get caught at this point the pleasure is worth the price.

[countrygent07]

If the spouse is no longer interested in sex and you are - I see it as sort of whose cheating on who. That's my scenario - wife has lost interested and I'm now having a fun affair with a nice woman, also married. The sex is great, we're both getting what we need, we're discrete - if anything, it will help keep our marriages intact.

[Vampireskiss]

When you meet someone and choose (and I use this term very strongly here) to have your little fun run's...it will at some point come to be asked what is wanted here...that's when you have to let each other know that you want no sting's, chain's or cable's holding each to the other...for if you let it go that far, what was once fun become's another of what you are trying to get away from in the first place. I'm all for sex on the side...but you have to watch and not let it become your main meal...on the side is just that...on the side.

[Vampireskiss]

As much as I am new here...I'm 45 and I know what I know, if you know what I mean...You have to set your sight's and ground rule's from the get-go. If you don't...string's become chain's, chain's become cable's and what was once fun becomes your worst nightmare. I've had my run's...and about 9 month's is a good term for one...don't go in for a long run...you may start running a race you never wanted to start. When it's over...the pain's not as bad and the recovery time is minimal...

[pdude]

That is a wonderful thought, but it usually dose not work out to well

[Siv7]

Oh my you hit in on the head!! I tried the casual affair but I ended up with feelings and now I feel like I just broke up with someome! He has no intentions of leaving his wife nor do I with my hubby but I did not anticipate that I would have so many feelings. He of course did not understand that. Go figure. You have to be aware of the pain these things cause if your a feely feely person!!!

[crow_worc]

The excitement would be great but the end results could cause tooooo much harm to both parties..:cry:

[UltimateNaneki]

The excitement would be great but the end results could cause tooooo much harm to both parties..:cry:

Well darling you need to set ground rules...the most important one is :

No falling in love with each other...one or you or both are already married.
The other is : Lust not Love.

Then no one should get hurt.

[celtichazel]

i am sure there are too many things wrong with it to mention, the heartache of the one whom is shut out (by design, choice or whatever reason). however, i believe in doing what make you happy and meets your needs, when the needs are different....then the adventure begins!

[YourAssMyHand]

A sex budy on the side seems very desirable but I think it could also create more problems than it solves. Most of the time your problems may seem solved but you only put your spouse in a more difficult position. Unless it is open and discussed freely before hand, there is a good chance that your change in behaviour towards you spouse will alert them to some change that has occurred between you.

I'm torn right now myself. I've talked to my wife for many years about my need for her to be willing to touch, hold, and make love to me. She doesn't want to give more (actually very little to nothing) even though she swears she loves me. We generally get along very well and I love her as a person but her refusal to see how important the physical contact is to me is driving me mad. We've talked to counselors and I've threatened to go outside our marriage, but I haven't, because I don't want to give the impression that I've betrayed her. If anything, from my point of view, she has betrayed me by denying us the one thing that marriage offers to both partners as a way to strengthen their union and reinforce their love for one another. Having said that, I must also say that the years of denial have built up and pushed me to pursue sexual release in other ways. Masturbation being the key one but the material I view has become deeper and darker because I'm trying to find a place where I can fill the empty space inside myself. I fear it will end in my taking a lover. I don't really want to go outside our partnership for some satisfaction but I think that if she refuses to give me the attention I need than I should be able to find another way. Best of all worlds would be if she could find another women with whom she could live and enjoyed having her company and then we could live together with her as my lover and my wife as my wife. I know its crazy but I really can't imagine any other way out if I am not willing to leave my wife. And I'm not.:sry

[redcat]

Hi Hand....I hear your frustration and it's understandable. The fact that you are resisting taking a lover so as not to betray your marriage is great. While your ideal solution may be a bit out of the norm, if it were to work for you and your wife, bring you both happiness - go for it and don't apologize.

[catmom]

I see a lot of "watch the emotions" and "don't fall in love"...but in my experience (limited as yet)...the love that's grown out of our relationship has made it sooo much better.

And it's not a possessive type love - it's one of deep friendship and mutual respect for what each of us wants to keep at home. There have been some tears - but I do not regret a single minute or the experience. Call me crazy - but the closeness I share with this man - his friendship and trust in me - means more than the sex does.

[pointofnoreturn]

Nothing...Not a damn thing.....

[dixiechiknga]

absolutely Nothing!!!!

[Iwantutowantme]

A married person shouldnt have another sex/friend partner. If you are willing to take the risk of losing your spouce or you dont care if you do, that could put you 'over the top' in a decision to do just that...

[FizProf]

Assuming you have a "sex buddy", would you respect them more than you would respect a prostitute?

[msu]

absolutely Nothing!!!!


Looking 4 a volunteer? :)

[yaser]

nothing... I think sex takes your mind off of all your troubles... and besides... who needs anything other than a good fuck? even a not so good fuck... damn... if all he does is takes me then rolls away.. hell I am used to that... did that for a few *21* years... I can deal with more of the same

Tina,when we use sex to avoid other problems,are those problems solved?Or remain untouched and sex becomes a compulsive action..:sng

[BretMaverick6345]

Nada, zero, zilch!