Whats wrong with having a sex buddy on the side???

[partygal29]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?

[Torin]

Are you asking if it is morally wrong? That is up to you, and your specific beliefs.

I personally believe that while monogamy is a beautiful theory, in the real world, its not practical. I *know* that I will lust after others, as will my husband... and I am okay with that. Because I love him, and he loves me but we don't OWN each other. He is allowed his private thoughts and actions, just as I am. Our agreement is simply that if one of us wants to have sex with another (or bring another person into our bed) that we will talk about it first... just for the sake of honesty.

It's a big decision, and one you can't take back. Good luck, hon! (((HUGS)))

[SEXAHOLIC]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?


Affairs can be fun....but can quickly go wrong....it may be just sex to start with but when the other person starts saying that they are maddly in love with you and want you more and more...it can take a dive....trust me I know.

Just be careful before you make that choice.

[RedVixen]

Nothing, as long as you don't get caught. Usually though, one enters this kind of thing as sex only...but in most cases 'feelings' creep up and it turns in to being something more than sex.

[PunkyBob]

I agree with Vixen...in "theory", having side sex is not complicated. In "real life"...which has this nasty tendency to creep in and totally f--k things up...it's not that cut and dried...usually it starts right after you both get yer cookies crumbled...you're lying there, staring at the ceiling...and then ya gotta start talking to fill the air...things come out...knowledge becomes emotional investment...you start to know things about the other person...makes them more real...when's her birthday...what's her favorite dessert...next thing you know you're shopping for matching table napkins...subtle, but ultimately deadly...

[something_more]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
From a male point of view i find nothing at all wrong with it! I love my wife and would never leave her but the fact is, like it or not, after awhile the sex just becomes a bit boring. Finding some no strings fun would be great.

[Iwantutowantme]

It sounds intising, but also stressful. Thinking about it is as far as I have gone with it. And flirting here is as close as I will probably get.

[almost40soccermom]

I would have to ask hubby's permission, lol

[PunkyBob]

I would have to ask hubby's permission, lol

Will he require a cv and references? :sc

[something_more]

I would have to ask hubby's permission, lol
I have a top secret clearence so the background check wont be a problem :55

[cherokeered]

Well....guess it depends on whether you are willing to face the consequences if you either get caught or one of you develope feelings for the other....

It's more a personal choice and really not up to anyone but you and the other person....

[Code]

I think this thread follows the "Fuck Buddies" thread thta has been going on. There are risk associated with having a friend (Fuck Buddy) on the side. Many have been pointed out in both threads.

The way my marrage has been for several years I would welcome someone. I have no intention of leaving my wife, but also will not continue to live the life of a monk.

[something_more]

I think this thread follows the "Fuck Buddies" thread thta has been going on. There are risk associated with having a friend (Fuck Buddy) on the side. Many have been pointed out in both threads.

The way my marrage has been for several years I would welcome someone. I have no intention of leaving my wife, but also will not continue to live the life of a monk.
I think monks get more action than i do

[Kbug]

I agree with you Coderunner, I need some good outside sex because mine has lost it's spark. No strings attached.:blowjob:

Katie

[WandaRing]

:wa: Hey Partygirl, it’s a question that you have to answer for yourself. :sc Have you talked to your hubby about having an open marriage or how he would feel if you were with someone else sexually? In my search I met up with a guy who has an open marriage, when I asked him if it bothered him that his wife was having sex with anther man, he had a hard time answering but the look on his face was heartbreaking and he didn’t want to acknowledge it because the pain was too much.

Most of us are here with many different sexual issues that we are facing. We don’t judge each other but support and encourage each person to the find the answers that are right for each of us. You should keep in mind that with every action there is a reaction and with every reaction there is an action…it is really hard to find a person who just wants to have sex and its even harder to have sex without a connection, it feels empty and unfulfilled. You like all of us have some hard choices to make, feel free to chat and ask others about the situations that they have faced, I’m sure most of us are open to helping you, which includes me. All the best;)

[Big O]

I think this thread follows the "Fuck Buddies" thread thta has been going on. There are risk associated with having a friend (Fuck Buddy) on the side. Many have been pointed out in both threads.

The way my marrage has been for several years I would welcome someone. I have no intention of leaving my wife, but also will not continue to live the life of a monk.

I couldn't wear one of those brown capes or whatever they are either!

[Cotties]

I would like one..but to answer the question..whats wrong..

it puts my moral compass out of whack and its unfair to my wife in so many ways

[WandaRing]

I would like one..but to answer the question..whats wrong..

it puts my moral compass out of whack and its unfair to my wife in so many ways

there is that too...and guilt can be a killer to live with

[PunkyBob]

there is that too...and guilt can be a killer to live with

I think what we imagine we'd like and what's real are very different things...a lover on the side is always complicated...despite the initial idea that it's "just sex"...and yes, guilt is a killer. It's usually there, in some way or another...whether you hurt about what you're doing to your spouse...or how your relationship has gone so bad...or how your life has become so damn complicated...it's hard to reconcile...if it can be reconciled at all...

[Kbug]

I think you are a very smart man, thanks for the thoughts.

Katiebug:55

[PunkyBob]

I think you are a very smart man, thanks for the thoughts.

Katiebug:55

Thanks, Katie...and you are very welcome!

[UltimateNaneki]

I would like one..but to answer the question..whats wrong..

it puts my moral compass out of whack and its unfair to my wife in so many ways

I agree with you Cotties :55

That is why I left the hubby. I asked for a separation, for the feeling for hubby were gone. Then I went to see the other grass. I would never want to hurt someone that cared for me! It would be just WRONG!:nu
I would not want it to be done to me!

[Boredmarriedlover]

what's wrong is that if you want an affair something's wrong with your marriage, and instead of fixing it, you are kicking it. Works with washing machines sometimes, but with people, well...
It's either finding out what is wrong with the couple, ourselves, the marriage, and working to fix it, or starting over.
Now, if you are trapped, and exhasuted the fixing options, that's a whole new ball game.

[MagicalBeing]

I think it can work for some people, but you need to get to know the other person.. and understand when it is getting out of hand... i believe you can not go for more than 6 months.. after that you get too involved..

... and don't do it with her/his friend... it needs to be somebody completely outside of your circle of friends..

[p.J]

Are you asking if it is morally wrong? That is up to you, and your specific beliefs.

I personally believe that while monogamy is a beautiful theory, in the real world, its not practical. I *know* that I will lust after others, as will my husband... and I am okay with that. Because I love him, and he loves me but we don't OWN each other. He is allowed his private thoughts and actions, just as I am. Our agreement is simply that if one of us wants to have sex with another (or bring another person into our bed) that we will talk about it first... just for the sake of honesty.

It's a big decision, and one you can't take back. Good luck, hon! (((HUGS)))

Good post torin...

Maybe there are a lot of hunky firemen with enormous hoses and swimsuit models with bulging trunks out there waiting to meet you, but why mess up something wonderful for the chance to find out? Heck, if that's your plan, you can spend the rest of your life looking for something better or someone to scratch that never ending itch. but then you'll never be happy... remember,
a person who is happy with what they have doesn't see the grass as greener on the other side. know what you have, appreciate what you have, or fix it so you are happy. 'cos when you climb the fence to get to the other side, you are starting over and in unknown territory.

Now with that said... where the hell is loverboy tonight?? :rolleyes:

[subtlehands]

At the turn of the 20th century life expectancy for women was about 45 years. So even if someone married at 16 and at a time when divorce was impossible or frowned upon they would have been married for about 30 years. Now we live to our 70s and though we're marrying later, we are in that relationship for 50 years. Our culture celebrates people staying together even though its a concept which emerged when people died younger. So is the desire for outside sex a product of that dysfunction - a realisation that we are supposed to be together for that long.

p.s..... I'm here Jen, i'm here

[Sneaky]

At the turn of the 20th century life expectancy for women was about 45 years. So even if someone married at 16 and at a time when divorce was impossible or frowned upon they would have been married for about 30 years. Now we live to our 70s and though we're marrying later, we are in that relationship for 50 years. Our culture celebrates people staying together even though its a concept which emerged when people died younger. So is the desire for outside sex a product of that dysfunction - a realisation that we are supposed to be together for that long.

p.s..... I'm here Jen, i'm here

All true. But by having someone on the side you are lying to your spouse. If your spouse would be hurt by what you are doing, then there is a part of it that is wrong.

However.....if it helps with not being crabby, and they don't wanna "get busy" anyway.....an argument could be made. Not sure too many spouses would buy it, buy hey.....worth a try!

[subtlehands]

But are we lying because our culture promotes monogamy?

[Han Solo]

OK....here's my three cents on the issue. I think the "just for sexual satisfaction on the side" concept is a very dangerous one. I think a couple people may have mention this already, but yes, I think we all have our own issues about the physical nature of our relationships and would like to believe that we can have that type of arrangement without getting emotionally involved. But for me, I just dont' see how you can't. Well at least for too long. You might start out that way, but to echo Punky's wise words......just by the shear coincidence of being in the same room with someone you will find out details and personal information, which leads to some sort of connection, which leads to expectations, which eventually leads to choices. Choices which most of us are not prepared to make.

In my little opinion, I think that when many of us first arrived at this site it was under the premise that something on the physical side was being neglected in the real world. Couple that with all the sexy chat and smokin' hot avatars (Whew!) and you have the makings for some serious addictions and this great idea that we are simply in need of a "Fuck Buddy". But I think that feeling is a cover, symptom, or by product of a larger more "emotional" thing that is missing from a relationships. Yes, I will certainly concede that a sexual release with a real, live partner can be way more fun......but just taking the term "fuck buddy" to a basic level, isn't that just basically a mechanical release of sorts without any attachment? Again, it's much nicer when someone else is lending a helping hand, but we all have the abilitiy to "satisfy ourselves" so if we are truly and completely happy with the emotional state of our marriages why isn't just a quick "rubbing one out" (or for the ladies "poking one out" - sorry, that's the best I could on such short notice :D ) satisfying enough for us? I would say for the need to feel a connection or attachment with someone else as part of the process. A connection or attachment we feel like we are not currently getting. I just think we just get wrapped up in this "need" for sex that we let the line between the two get very blurred. I think they both go hand in hand and you have to do the best you can to determine whether it's strictly just a physical need or an emotional need......that's where the real question lies I think.

I'm assuming many of us here say things and talk about things in here that we know our spouses are just not on the same wave length with us at all. That, whatever you want to call it....disconnect, different view, different mindset, or just plain inability to be able to have a discussion with the other person creates an emotional void in our relationship of some sort. I mean for those of us Game Threaders.........can we really see our spouse sitting there over our shoulder playing that with us??

HSECS

Han Solo Equals Champion Sha-Boiger

"Awww, great one honey....if she gives you something with a TS combination work in something about Titty Sex, that will be awesome :55


OK, an extreme example I'll admit......but not being able to share that part of your personality with your partner.......is that a physical need or an emotional need? Will a fuck buddy cure that? I dont' knowl


OK....well this was actually the Quarters worth instead of 3 cents......that was a long way to go to say I don't think that set up would work for me..........UNFORTUNATELY on WAY TOO MANY NIGHTS!! :cry:


OK....sorry for the ramble........Solo will stick to the one liners and snappy come backs for awhile.

[Sneaky]

But are we lying because our culture promotes monogamy?

No. If you are lying it is bacause you are choosing to not tell the truth. Perhaps your spouse wouldn't understand, perhaps it would hurt them, perhaps you feel justified. Our culture doesn't force us to lie. We choose to do that.

Our culture does not make it easy to tell the truth if you do have a "side dish", of course.

[Huzyerdaddi]

Good post torin...

Maybe there are a lot of hunky firemen with enormous hoses and swimsuit models with bulging trunks out there waiting to meet you, but why mess up something wonderful for the chance to find out? Heck, if that's your plan, you can spend the rest of your life looking for something better or someone to scratch that never ending itch. but then you'll never be happy... remember,
a person who is happy with what they have doesn't see the grass as greener on the other side. know what you have, appreciate what you have, or fix it so you are happy. 'cos when you climb the fence to get to the other side, you are starting over and in unknown territory.

Now with that said... where the hell is loverboy tonight?? :rolleyes:

Sounds like "the devil you know vs. the devil you don't"

[p.J]

At the turn of the 20th century life expectancy for women was about 45 years. So even if someone married at 16 and at a time when divorce was impossible or frowned upon they would have been married for about 30 years. Now we live to our 70s and though we're marrying later, we are in that relationship for 50 years. Our culture celebrates people staying together even though its a concept which emerged when people died younger. So is the desire for outside sex a product of that dysfunction - a realisation that we are supposed to be together for that long.

p.s..... I'm here Jen, i'm here

Unfortunately, today, there is a significant devaluation of marriage in our culture. Yes, marriage may be "for better or worse, till death us do part" in the good old days but it seems that fewer and fewer of us believe those traditional words to hold true. I think the concept of a lifetime's commitment is outmoded, as you pointed out we mostly live until a very ripe old age these days. Perhaps the marriages should work on a rolling contract system - renew your vows if you wish, or get out if you wish, on say, a three-yearly basis! We all change so much during our adult years, particularly in our 20s and 30s, and thus couples often find little in common with each other any longer.


PS. :sc

[Huzyerdaddi]

Unfortunately, today, there is a significant devaluation of marriage in our culture. Yes, marriage may be "for better or worse, till death us do part" in the good old days but it seems that fewer and fewer of us believe those traditional words to hold true. I think the concept of a lifetime's commitment is outmoded, as you pointed out we mostly live until a very ripe old age these days. Perhaps the marriages should work on a rolling contract system - renew your vows if you wish, or get out if you wish, on say, a three-yearly basis! We all change so much during our adult years, particularly in our 20s and 30s, and thus couples often find little in common with each other any longer.


PS. :sc





Wow...this brings up all kinds of intersting thoughts.

Playing the movie forward, I could see a whole industries be redefined with this simple change in how marriage is viewed on a legal basis. Imagine the new financial products that would arise to reconcile the standard spousal beneficial type plans. Imagine the new legal practices that would arise. You'd need an attorny for a 'breach of contract' divorice if you tried to get out before your time was up. Heh heh...this would be revolutionary.

[1hotmommy]

I've always believed that affairs were wrong, partly because of how I was raised, and partly because I just don't see the good that can come of it

[Penny]

I think that is called cheating for a reason :(

[subtlehands]

Is having sex with another person wrong even if your partner consents - because after all your breaking the cultural rule that says a marriage/relationship can only ever include two people.

[WandaRing]

Is having sex with another person wrong even if your partner consents - because after all your breaking the cultural rule that says a marriage/relationship can only ever include two people.

Let me throw the question back at you this way; are you really content knowing that your spouse/ partner is having sex with someone else, that some guy is having her body in such a personal and intimate way? :sc

[Handyman]

Annie.

I know this is hypocrytical. I can't imagine my wife with another man....but sometimes I feel that I could be with another woman in a SHORT affair and walk away with a great memory of a surreal and magical time.
The problem, as stated earlier, is finding somone who could do the same feelings. Invariably, at least one of the two cheaters will bond. That is what will ultimately prevent me from cheating. Nonetheless, it is FUN to think and talk about!!!

[WandaRing]

Annie.

I know this is hypocrytical. I can't imagine my wife with another man....but sometimes I feel that I could be with another woman in a SHORT affair and walk away with a great memory of a surreal and magical time.
The problem, as stated earlier, is finding somone who could do the same feelings. Invariably, at least one of the two cheaters will bond. That is what will ultimately prevent me from cheating. Nonetheless, it is FUN to think and talk about!!!

For me its easier because I am planning to leave my marriage so the guilt of doing something to hurt my husband is very little, I feel more guilty of being with another person who is married and what he has to live with.

A moment or two of pleasure with someone can cause a life time of unhappiness for everyone involved, spouses, children, friends, and extended family members. Guilt eating away at a person can really make you feel sick and it affects everything you do in life. There is not a simple answer for anyone involved someone is left feeling like his or her needs and wants are being ignored or uncounted for.:sc

[Handyman]

If he can handle the heat, you don't have to worry about what he has to live with. Just don't boil the pet rabbit!:)

[p.a]

Well the first part of your question " why are affairs wrong " is basically because morality is ingrained in our brains from early childhood. We are conditioned by society to think a certain way which we call " Normal ". Anything outside the box is of course " abnormal ".

We also have primal needs to procreate. Meaning that it is instinctive for us to want to have sex in order to continue the species like other animals. Unlike other animals (with a few exceptions ) we have morals that set limits. So to make a long story short, we govern our passions with rules and religions so we don't turn the world into one big giant orgy free for all.

[Sneaky]

Details and personal information, which leads to some sort of connection, which leads to expectations, which eventually leads to choices. Choices which most of us are not prepared to make.

But I think that feeling is a cover, symptom, or by product of a larger more "emotional" thing that is missing from a relationships. I would say for the need to feel a connection or attachment with someone else as part of the process. A connection or attachment we feel like we are not currently getting. I just think we just get wrapped up in this "need" for sex that we let the line between the two get very blurred. I think they both go hand in hand and you have to do the best you can to determine whether it's strictly just a physical need or an emotional need......that's where the real question lies I think.

not being able to share that part of your personality with your partner.......is that a physical need or an emotional need? Will a fuck buddy cure that? I dont' know.

All very good points and questions. I think the physical and the emotional go hand in hand.

I can remember when I was newly married talking to a women who had been married for about as long as I have now, and who at the time was having an affair. I remember her telling me how her sex life with her husband was down to once every three months. I remember her telling me this with an obliveious shrug in a shoe store in the mall. I was shocked, mouth a gape, couldn't believe it! I remember telling her that "we" (husband and I) would NEVER go more than an a week, and THAT was too long. And she told me things would change. It wouldn't always be that way. And I shook my head at her and went home and had crazy sex with my husband and made him promise me that would never happen to us. But it did anyway.

I think in a marriage or a romantic partnership, for me anyway, the physical part goes hand in hand with the emotional. Without that we don't have that conecting time.....and the disconnection spreads.

When I first started here, I didn't see that. I thought that I could compartmentalize the "sexual" issues and "handle" it a certain way. Turns out it has shined the spot light on other things that I didn't notice before because I was focusing on the phyical intimacy issues.

*Sigh*. Why can't life be simple?

OK....sorry for the ramble........Solo will stick to the one liners and snappy come backs for awhile.
Oh, you did get one "in" there...LOL:
for the ladies "poking one out" - sorry, that's the best I could on such short notice :D.

[Torin]

I need intimacy and trust to proceed to sex, and my partner needs sex before getting intimate. Vishous cycle.

[SEXAHOLIC]

I need intimacy and trust to proceed to sex, and my partner needs sex before getting intimate. Vishous cycle.



I'll take whatevers going.....:D :lmao

[Han Solo]

[QUOTE=Sneaky]All very good points and questions.


Whoa! Careful......that's almost twice this week you agreed with me. I think I should go buy a lottery ticket tomorrow! ;)



Oh, you did get one "in" there...LOL:[/


Yeah, well I figured some people might have been thrown off by the message so I had to put something in there to make sure you knew it was really me :D

[Sneaky]

[QUOTE]
Whoa! Careful......that's almost twice this week you agreed with me. I think I should go buy a lottery ticket tomorrow! ;)
Sometimes you get lucky kid. :55
[QUOTE]
Yeah, well I figured some people might have been thrown off by the message so I had to put something in there to make sure you knew it was really me :D
Good thinking. :D

[Han Solo]

[QUOTE=Sneaky][QUOTE=Han Solo]
Sometimes you get lucky kid. :55



Oh, you must be going on vacation or something next week. You are breaking your one per week agreeing with me routine....I'm assuming you are just being charitable by adding an extra this week since there won't be one next week! :sg

[Sneaky]

[QUOTE][QUOTE=Sneaky]
Oh, you must be going on vacation or something next week. You are breaking your one per week agreeing with me routine....I'm assuming you are just being charitable by adding an extra this week since there won't be one next week! :sg

No, not at all. If you want me to agree with you, all you have to do is say something that I agree with. :gs It's not difficult. And I'm not going on vacation.:na

[Han Solo]

[QUOTE=Han Solo][QUOTE]

[QUOTE]No, not at all. If you want me to agree with you, all you have to do is say something that I agree with. :gs It's not difficult.


Yeah, that's not difficult at all is it???? :rolleyes: :D

[Operator Bob]

I think in a marriage or a romantic partnership, for me anyway, the physical part goes hand in hand with the emotional. Without that we don't have that conecting time.....and the disconnection spreads.

When I first started here, I didn't see that. I thought that I could compartmentalize the "sexual" issues and "handle" it a certain way. Turns out it has shined the spot light on other things that I didn't notice before because I was focusing on the phyical intimacy issues.

*Sigh*. Why can't life be simple?


Oh, you did get one "in" there...LOL:

Sneaky....I agree with you, too. It is sooo hard to have a good sexual relationship without an emotional attachment. In my case, the emotional attachment seemed to drift. As a result, sex has become routine and just plain blah until it just doesn't happen.

[surfnchat]

I would have to ask hubby's permission, lol

I'm willing to ask for a chance! What's the worst that can happen? :D

[Sneaky]

[QUOTE=Sneaky][QUOTE=Han Solo][QUOTE]Yeah, that's not difficult at all is it???? :rolleyes: :D

Nope. And again we agree.:D

[Sneaky]

Sneaky....I agree with you, too. It is sooo hard to have a good sexual relationship without an emotional attachment. In my case, the emotional attachment seemed to drift. As a result, sex has become routine and just plain blah until it just doesn't happen.

Some people seem to be able to do it. But some can't. I have to have both to enjoy both. Sometimes when one goes....they both suffer....

[simplygrace]

on the side? how about in front of you? lol :sex

[Han Solo]

on the side? how about in front of you? lol :sex
Ummm, technically I think that one is UNDER you..............or is it on TOP of you??.........well, either way LOL

[Boredmarriedlover]

My uncle bob has agreed to be on the side for me.
But what should he do? take notes? Also, last time he fell asleep.

us -----------uncle bob
:sex ---------- :sc

[ksue7274]

Because a sex buddy never stays emotionally detached. At some point one of you start to develop feelings and that is where the problems come in.

[Cotties]

Because it sounds a bit gay to me


I've never had a female buddy

[Low Rider]

Why just one???? ;)

[p.a]

Wow...this brings up all kinds of intersting thoughts.

Playing the movie forward, I could see a whole industries be redefined with this simple change in how marriage is viewed on a legal basis. Imagine the new financial products that would arise to reconcile the standard spousal beneficial type plans. Imagine the new legal practices that would arise. You'd need an attorny for a 'breach of contract' divorice if you tried to get out before your time was up. Heh heh...this would be revolutionary.

Well this is after all a free market system.:55 great post by the way.

[tkdartist]

After twelve years of marriage I have to admit I have thought of it often. I have never let it become more than a thought well maybe I let it develop into a fantasy and of coarse things got out of hand or uh um I had to take matters into my own hands. I have never crossed that line of having a physical encounter. I have had the opportunity on seperate occasions with two different ladies that I think are mega-hot but something kept me from doing it. I think it is two things; 1) I would not want my wife to do it and 2) A lack luster sex life does not give me a right to possibly destroy my family or anyone else's.

[nwmo4fun]

As long as the buddy keeps giving it to you, its cool...but once they stop youre SOL.

[FFly]

In a perfect world, a sex buddy could be great. I'm afraid that in my world, things would get complicated, and that is just no fun.

[pointofnoreturn]

Sex Buddy????Fuck Buddy????Whose your buddy????????I am lookin.....:D

[WandaRing]

I'm willing to ask for a chance! What's the worst that can happen? :D


Be very careful for what you ask and wish for, it just may come true...You really dont want to know what the worse can be:cry:

[My_Secrets_Kept]

do cyber sex buddies count :sc

[WandaRing]

:sc Sometimes I think human sex :sex can be a punishment rather then an enjoyable act, I mean most animals do not ask, “Was it good for you?”, or “did you cumm?” They do not cuddle or kiss; it is more like wham, bang…good bye.

:( For humans sex is far more then a physical act, it is a connection with someone (good or bad), it is filled with emotions, and psychological crap that goes on in our head. There is no way to predict how solid, secure or happy our lives with our partner will be, it’s a chance we have to be willing to take with someone we love and if we grow apart and start seeking out others to fulfill our needs the guilt can be debilitating and we can destroy others without meaning to.

[surfnchat]

Had a sex buddy once... ran out of Fix-a-Flat and she never was the same. :D

[Sylar]

Had a sex buddy once... ran out of Fix-a-Flat and she never was the same. :D


Try "inflate-a-chic"...it lasts longer...;)

[Postman]

Ok so nobody can come up with agood reason why its wrong............So............Lady's? Who's up for it? Lets start the line right here.

[Sylar]

I've had a sex buddy before...and it can be great...as long as you both see it for what it really is with no ulterior motives...

BTW, I'm new here and am enjoying this site immensely...It's nice to see you all.

[surfnchat]

Try "inflate-a-chic"...it lasts longer...;)

Thanks for the tip! I wonder what the max PSI is for that? :D

[Sylar]

Thanks for the tip! I wonder what the max PSI is for that? :D

The max PSI is 36DD, per the owner's manual...

[surfnchat]

The max PSI is 36DD, per the owner's manual...

:lmao

[Sylar]

:dd "Warning: Overinflation may lead to serious eye injury".

[dirtysexybooker]

nothing. it just depends what your intentions and expectations are.......guilt is just a state of mind........

[dave42]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?Works for me, What are you doing later on?:lf

[wolfman]

I've had a sex buddy before...and it can be great...as long as you both see it for what it really is with no ulterior motives...

BTW, I'm new here and am enjoying this site immensely...It's nice to see you all.
Welcome,
fuck buddies are ok as long as they aren't thirty other people's sex buddy. Remember, whenyou slepp with him, you also sleep with everyone else he slept with.

[Low Rider]

I have one and we have outrageous sex. She had inhibitions at one time, but now she is able to be that “naughty girl” that was hidden inside her. ;)

[p.J]

Bloody time consuming... !

[Low Rider]

Bloody time consuming... !


Worth every minute of it though.

[dirtysexybooker]

Bloody time consuming... !

so is shopping for groceries, taking a bath, eating chocolate, fatty foods, etc....consider it part of a weekly/monthly task and something you get pleasure....if you do it right all the only aspect of time that should matter is when the task begins and when it is thru....

[cherokeered]

that depends on the couple......it's not for me.....

[motown9300]

I have had one or two different ladies on the side. it was very good, just be smart about it and don't get caught.

[exspy]

Whether it's right or wrong is strictly up to you. I have seen a few women really torture themselves over an affair and how wrong they perceive it to be, yet they really enjoy the realtionship and can't stop. I've been seeing someone else periodically for 10 years off and on. We seem to come together when we need something from each other yet we both have secure marriages. Sometimes it can fill a void and help save a marriage.:sc

[mustachrides]

The though of a buddy on the side excites me, it actually made home life extra fun,

[mustachrides]

have had a few ocer the years, but have never wanted to stop comming home

[GaelicCharm]

if its between two consenting adults and both know its just for sex then i dont believe there is anything wrong with it. We all know that our partners our ourselves can sometimes go off sex and cant be bothered however if there is someone that you can go to who feels the same way and just have sex then what is the problem.

[Cotties]

the problem is if ya wife finds out she might cut your balls off and really keep them in her handbagif its between two consenting adults and both know its just for sex then i dont believe there is anything wrong with it. We all know that our partners our ourselves can sometimes go off sex and cant be bothered however if there is someone that you can go to who feels the same way and just have sex then what is the problem.

[razorsedge]

I don't find anything wrong with a buddy on the side. Would like to have one, any takers?

[SEXAHOLIC]

Hmm..Now...Well I know someone who has had more sex buddies than he can care to remember...its fun while it lasts....but they can go wrong in a big way...and get you in the sh'it..

My advice is dont do it...or if you do, be very careful, because once done these things can haunt you for a long time.

[househub]

a sex buudy? is that like a friend with benefits? it's hard to imagine that could work in any marriage unless there is no spark left at all

[wolfman]

on the side? how about in front of you? lol :sex
Or behind or on top or underneath or standing or...:sex

[wolfman]

I would have to ask hubby's permission, lol
U, that kinda defeats the purpose of " on the side":sex

[wolfman]

OK....here's my three cents on the issue. I think the "just for sexual satisfaction on the side" concept is a very dangerous one. I think a couple people may have mention this already, but yes, I think we all have our own issues about the physical nature of our relationships and would like to believe that we can have that type of arrangement without getting emotionally involved. But for me, I just dont' see how you can't. Well at least for too long. You might start out that way, but to echo Punky's wise words......just by the shear coincidence of being in the same room with someone you will find out details and personal information, which leads to some sort of connection, which leads to expectations, which eventually leads to choices. Choices which most of us are not prepared to make.

In my little opinion, I think that when many of us first arrived at this site it was under the premise that something on the physical side was being neglected in the real world. Couple that with all the sexy chat and smokin' hot avatars (Whew!) and you have the makings for some serious addictions and this great idea that we are simply in need of a "Fuck Buddy". But I think that feeling is a cover, symptom, or by product of a larger more "emotional" thing that is missing from a relationships. Yes, I will certainly concede that a sexual release with a real, live partner can be way more fun......but just taking the term "fuck buddy" to a basic level, isn't that just basically a mechanical release of sorts without any attachment? Again, it's much nicer when someone else is lending a helping hand, but we all have the abilitiy to "satisfy ourselves" so if we are truly and completely happy with the emotional state of our marriages why isn't just a quick "rubbing one out" (or for the ladies "poking one out" - sorry, that's the best I could on such short notice :D ) satisfying enough for us? I would say for the need to feel a connection or attachment with someone else as part of the process. A connection or attachment we feel like we are not currently getting. I just think we just get wrapped up in this "need" for sex that we let the line between the two get very blurred. I think they both go hand in hand and you have to do the best you can to determine whether it's strictly just a physical need or an emotional need......that's where the real question lies I think.

I'm assuming many of us here say things and talk about things in here that we know our spouses are just not on the same wave length with us at all. That, whatever you want to call it....disconnect, different view, different mindset, or just plain inability to be able to have a discussion with the other person creates an emotional void in our relationship of some sort. I mean for those of us Game Threaders.........can we really see our spouse sitting there over our shoulder playing that with us??

HSECS

Han Solo Equals Champion Sha-Boiger

"Awww, great one honey....if she gives you something with a TS combination work in something about Titty Sex, that will be awesome :55


OK, an extreme example I'll admit......but not being able to share that part of your personality with your partner.......is that a physical need or an emotional need? Will a fuck buddy cure that? I dont' knowl


OK....well this was actually the Quarters worth instead of 3 cents......that was a long way to go to say I don't think that set up would work for me..........UNFORTUNATELY on WAY TOO MANY NIGHTS!! :cry:


OK....sorry for the ramble........Solo will stick to the one liners and snappy come backs for awhile.
Well said.

[nwmo4fun]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?

Ask this to 10 people and at least 9 of them would laugh and say you are crazy but I completely understand what you are saying and agree. It is tough to explain but it isnt the act of sex with another that ruins the marriage...it is getting caught by a spouse that finds it unacceptable that ruins the marriage. Many people have affairs, not getting caught, and continue on with their marriage. For some it is purely just sex, nothing more. Why is it ok to masturbate but not ok to masturbate to pictures of other girls? Why do we all live in a lie...meaning why do we continute to pump our spouses with lies of "you are the only one I want" and "no, I wasnt looking at her" and "yeah, I think her fake boobs are gross". I love looking at women...all types but even I have to lie and say she is the only one I want, desire, look at, etc. Sure, I dont want to hurt her feelings but this world is FULL of desirable women...to say that you found the ONLY one for you is absurb.

It is hard to explain typing it out...hopefully you guys know what I mean...

[yourkindaguy]

After the long read of the entire postings so far on this subject.....hmmm. I see the point of both sides. I am a guy and yes I do think with both of my heads sometimes (most of the time). I want to agree so bad and actually would love a fuck buddy and do lust for one. My other head tells me that I love my wife and would never want to hurt her. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. It's intersting to me that a site I initially turned to for a sexual release is a site that may actually help me keep faithfull in my marriage. Thank you for all of those well thought out and blunt answers. I still want a fuck buddy, but know that I can't have one. I need to do something though before my other head takes over again.

[GaelicCharm]

cotties that only if she aint doing the same thing

[Kavla2008]

I can't help myself... Love my wife, but love the excitement and rawness of the sex with another partner too.
Maybe I'm just weak... lol.

[househub]

i wouldnt know, does phone sex count?

[MCat]

its probably not the best idea...

[shh]

it'll get very complicated in a hurry....

[cheerymissy_34]

it could get really comlicated if you let your heart become involved

[razorsedge]

Sex buddies are good to have....who else to go to the clubs with right cheery? ;)

[MWMandBored]

As long as your sex buddy is not a replacement, and as long as you do not allow it to become more than a sex buddy, then so be it.

[GaelicCharm]

not weak kavla if we where not meant to fancy anyone else or be aroused by others than our partners what a boring life it would be.


Its human nature to wonder and ask things and that even means of ourselves,its if we act on it.Not weakness.

[realmacoy]

who doesnt fantasize? reality reminds me that i cant risk it. i came to this site looking for sexual release without risk...hmmm.... is cyber sex just as much a nono? or is it an acceptable replacement because of there is no physical touch with another?

[GaelicCharm]

it depens on who with and to what extent, both have to be happy and understand whats involved and if so well why not.

[toowildtotame]

I am thinking what is wrong with having more than one sex buddy on the side??? :sex

[BrianLovesItAll]

THere is nothing wrong with sex buddies. God I wish i had one.

[RedVixen]

A sex buddy on the side is a great idea...just make sure your spouse doesn't find out about it ;)

[BrianLovesItAll]

A sex buddy on the side is a great idea...just make sure your spouse doesn't find out about it ;)

Oh yeah, good point...LOL

[RedVixen]

Oh yeah, good point...LOL

Make sure you cover all your points and you'll be just fine :D

[Huzyerdaddi]

It's ineffective....it works much better to have a sex buddy on the front, on the top, or on the bottom.

[RedVixen]

It's ineffective....it works much better to have a sex buddy on the front, on the top, or on the bottom.

Figures you would come up with a smart ass comment :na

[Huzyerdaddi]

Figures you would come up with a smart ass comment :na

who me? smartass? Hardly! Just keep reading....it all feels natural after the first time.

[RedVixen]

who me? smartass? Hardly! Just keep reading....it all feels natural after the first time.

Hmmmmm - natural eh? :sc

[Huzyerdaddi]

Hmmmmm - natural eh? :sc

well naturally. Of course!

[GaelicCharm]

well spoken redvixen but then again maybe the spouse is also covering their tracks.as for previous post nothing wrong in having more than one sex buddy if that is what you are after.b

[Cotties]

selfish..weak..human..who knows:sc I can't help myself... Love my wife, but love the excitement and rawness of the sex with another partner too.
Maybe I'm just weak... lol.

[spare_change]

its probably not the best idea...



Well, shoot ---------- there goes my New Year's resolution!

[MCat]

Well, shoot ---------- there goes my New Year's resolution!

Awww shit....you shoulda told me sooner....;)

[stucknmarriage74(f)]

Fantasizeabout any one you wish but things could get complicated reeealy quick...wish I could remember when shianes thread was posted about this very subject...also Annie's thread about friends with benefits would b a HELPFUL ONE 2...Any one remeber these threads??? help her out thanks..gl party gal:kk

[Kavla2008]

I am thinking what is wrong with having more than one sex buddy on the side??? :sex

I like the way YOU think! :sex

[Kavla2008]

selfish..weak..human..who knows:sc

Is that all you say in ALL your quotes?
I think someone is playing the system!

Try this >>>> :di

[GaelicCharm]

think politics how many of those politicians had sex buddies.

Its been happening for years and i guess it will continue for many more its human nature we are all individuals thats what makes us all unique.

have a good xmas and new year.

[BigRick]

Well, i'd be willing to try it. I think the excitement and the taboo of it would make for a tremendous climax.. But that's just me.

[subtlehands]

Well, i'd be willing to try it. I think the excitement and the taboo of it would make for a tremendous climax.. But that's just me.

But could you cope with the consequences of being found out?

[BigRick]

Don't know....but i wouldn't go there unless i'm absolutely certain we wouldn't be found out. She would have to be as discreet as i am.....and that's pretty damn discreet!!

[GaelicCharm]

obviously both would have to be discreet and both would need to know if partners found out then there are consequences but you should not get involved if you are not prepared to take them if need be.



a regular sex buddy surely is better than frequent one night stands.

[scottd]

it works having a sex buddy, but you have to get an agreement done before anything starts

[BigRick]

Her secret is safe in my mouth.

[subtlehands]

it works having a sex buddy, but you have to get an agreement done before anything starts


And be sure that both sides would stick to the deal. What's the old saying: "Hell hath no fury like a ..." That works for both genders!

[GaelicCharm]

it ha sti be two way and both parties have to agree if one wants to end it then its ended with no hard feelings and no anomisity.

[BlondBobBMe]

Depend on one's point of view. Mine ? I'm still racing around the track... she ran out of gas a long time ago.

[Sylar]

I'd rather have a sex buddy in the middle! ;)

[cherokeered]

depends on if he's got fresh batteries

[tiger50]

it works having a sex buddy, but you have to get an agreement done before anything starts

lol i have an agreement pending, but she hasnt signed it yet....:sc

[Postman]

There are many reasons for whats wrong with it.
And there are also many reasons for why not.
Each situation is unique.

[cherokeered]

lol i have an agreement pending, but she hasnt signed it yet....:sc


Realloy....who with????.....:D :sc

[tiger50]

Realloy....who with????.....:D :sc

well i hand out hundreds of those agreements.. but there is a NJ redhad thinkin about signin it...... (she wud be that 1st....silly woman...):D

[cherokeered]

well i hand out hundreds of those agreements.. but there is a NJ redhad thinkin about signin it...... (she wud be that 1st....silly woman...):D


Well have been perusing one here....have it on top of the stack of requests....:D

[BadenLink]

Can I put my request on that stack?

[cherokeered]

Can I put my request on that stack?


What type of request???....is it vanilla, kinky, bdsm, dungeon, fetish or other????

[BadenLink]

Yes OK (all of the above)---may I have another!
What type of request???....is it vanilla, kinky, bdsm, dungeon, fetish or other????

[cherokeered]

Yes OK (all of the above)---may I have another!


Well..ok, here's another form.....

[BadenLink]

Well..ok, here's another form.....

I hate all the forms and red tape--just move this process along! Please... pretty please...

[cherokeered]

I hate all the forms and red tape--just move this process along! Please... pretty please...


sorry....but there are many applicants....:whee:

[BadenLink]

Maybe..but I am the best qualified! Why wait?
sorry....but there are many applicants....:whee:

[cherokeered]

Maybe..but I am the best qualified! Why wait?


The best qualified???.....do you have references??

[BadenLink]

Yes...more than one--less than twenty (please do not contact my current "employer" or I really will be seeking "things" quickly...
The best qualified???.....do you have references??

[cherokeered]

Yes...more than one--less than twenty (please do not contact my current "employer" or I really will be seeking "things" quickly...


aahhh....well of course.....lol

[toowildtotame]

Let me know when we can have more than one sex buddy-- and for the ladies who agree-- sign me up-- give me a call-- do something before i croak *lol*

[Masculinity]

If a relationship is really fulfilling, I think monogamy is great...not just an ideal, but a beautiful thing.

If not, then moral issues aside, it is understandable for that desire for more.

I don't believe in chasing for better and better sex...I think that's a pipe dream.

I do believe that looking for love may lead one to look for a lover when love doesn't exist anymore.

Not what I've done, but I have friends who have...and I understand them.

-Masculinity

[scoobertina]

the only issue I have is that when I have sex it is not merely physical.. I tend to let my emotions get involved... I have to feel for someone... and that gets a person into trouble....

[Sneaky]

the only issue I have is that when I have sex it is not merely physical.. I tend to let my emotions get involved... I have to feel for someone... and that gets a person into trouble....

Yeah. Me too. Once you know that about yourself though, it helps. You choose who to share that part of yourself with very carefully, knowing that it is something special, and they have to be worthy of it. :gs

Because it's soooo worth it if they are worthy. ;)

[scoobertina]

Yeah. Me too. Once you know that about yourself though, it helps. You choose who to share that part of yourself with very carefully, knowing that it is something special, and they have to be worthy of it. :gs

Because it's soooo worth it if they are worthy. ;)

You are right it is so worth it... enjoy what you have when you get it... it may not always be there...

[Sneaky]

You are right it is so worth it... enjoy what you have when you get it... it may not always be there...

Yeah. So true.

Still, it's better to have experienced something, even if it was painful at the end, than not to have experienced it ever. :kk

2008 is going to be a good year for you. I can feel it. Merry Christmas Scoob.;)

[scoobertina]

Yeah. So true.

Still, it's better to have experienced something, even if it was painful at the end, than not to have experienced it ever. :kk

2008 is going to be a good year for you. I can feel it. Merry Christmas Scoob.;)

Thanks Sneaky, I think it will be too.. and you are going to have a wonderful year too...

[Sneaky]

Thanks Sneaky, I think it will be too.. and you are going to have a wonderful year too...

Thanks. :)

[simplygrace]

I let feeling get involved to. that would be the hard part. Haven't done anything in case hubby's reading this.:wa:

[GaelicCharm]

good answer simply that was a well placed add on at the end.

[TNtiger]

Hell id like to have a sex buddy up front!....lol

[Iwantutowantme]

Yes, a sex buddy (female) would be nice to have on the side, or on top, bottom, sideways, down, standing up, bending over the bed or countertop, on the steps, chair, sofa, rug, against a tree, or even playing 'strip' darts in my garage would be so much fun as long as I win. :) sigh.................maybe I will have it as my new years resolution. :)...... Happy New Year readers!! Let's make 08 ,,great, here at M&F!!

[Hotshotfireguy]

I have thought about this even before I found M&F. I have great kids and a good relationship with my wife. She just doesn't like sex all that much. I have tried many different things, from romantic to downright dirty. She just self admittedly does not care for sex. But she also does not want an open marriage. So is it wrong to seek someone to fulfill my needs while trying to maintain a relationship (per say) with her?

[melynn7]

If a relationship is really fulfilling, I think monogamy is great...not just an ideal, but a beautiful thing.

If not, then moral issues aside, it is understandable for that desire for more.

I don't believe in chasing for better and better sex...I think that's a pipe dream.

I do believe that looking for love may lead one to look for a lover when love doesn't exist anymore.

Not what I've done, but I have friends who have...and I understand them.

-Masculinity
deep

[melynn7]

I have thought about this even before I found M&F. I have great kids and a good relationship with my wife. She just doesn't like sex all that much. I have tried many different things, from romantic to downright dirty. She just self admittedly does not care for sex. But she also does not want an open marriage. So is it wrong to seek someone to fulfill my needs while trying to maintain a relationship (per say) with her?
Hard to answer. When you say seek someone to fulfull your needs - do you mean just 1 person? It's morally wrong to cheat, but I understand the 'need'. I don't think sleeping around w/ several people is ever good. Has your wife always not liked sex?

[jazzie]

I say go for it if it is just sex. I love my husband and I know that he needs more of a variety than I do. So I would understand if he steps outside of our bedroom for some
fun on the side. We have talked about a threesome.... just for the experience, I have only been with him, but the idea excites me tremendously. Just keep the communication open.

[Secret237]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I'm in the same boat, the same old thing does get tiring.

:knuddel:

[toowildtotame]

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I'm in the same boat, the same old thing does get tiring.

:knuddel:

I don't see anything wrong in having a sexual encounter of the BUDDY kind. Actually it is rather a more free spirited way of having fun sexually.:knuddel: :blowjob: Rent a room with a Jacuzzi, and hold her in front of a jet, won't take long to see the effects and feel the pleasure of having done so*grin*

[Wil]

cuz I'd probably do it wrong...

[Sunfiresix]

Your right wil ---I would love at this point to just have someone to share the pleasures with--but I would get in the middle of something bad, guess thats why I just tink it and don't do it.

[scoobertina]

everyone is different.. so it isn't going to be the same for all... for some they can't do it without getting attached emotionally.. for others... it is all good.. I say do whatever makes you happy but be ready to deal with the consequences...

[Hotshotfireguy]

everyone is different.. so it isn't going to be the same for all... for some they can't do it without getting attached emotionally.. for others... it is all good.. I say do whatever makes you happy but be ready to deal with the consequences...

well said scoob

[Shawn_N_Sandiego]

I think one of the issues occur from hurt feelings that the spouse feels failure to please the other, I dont think we were built to be locked into just one person, thats a social thing, but the fact you are 29 and already been married 10 years may be the bigger issue, I dont think i knew who the hell i was/wanted till i was 30.....and even now i wonder!!

[SEXAHOLIC]

Sex buddies..well been there, done that....and um..still do...but though you yourself can detach and hold your feelings for the other person...you must make yourself aware of the other persons feelings toward you...if you see this person..maybe on a regular basis, there feelings toward you may grow and become more than just a casual thing. When they start to want to see you more and turn up at your work place or wherever, things can go so wrong...and have for me in the past...so before you even think about having a sexual fling or buddy...think about the negative side first..ie...worst case scenario..if you think you can deal with that....then move on....and have fun.....waffled on there..sorry.

[Secret237]

You know why I want (I don't have one right now) a sex buddy ??


It's cause my wife sucks in bed ... no really, I've know it all along for about 20 years now ... I'm not going to go into the details but lets just say that she really is poor in bed, what is wrong with having someone else to help me get what I need ??

[scoobertina]

Right now nothing is wrong with it.. on the side, on the top, on the bottom.. just need a sex buddy..

[Affect]

So, tell me - does having a sex buddy have to be a physical relationship - or can it be like a friendship with some play on line like here? Certainly cuts down the possibility of having someone show up at work, which would be way too freaky.

There are certain boundaries, or should I say keeping things in perspective going into it right? Perhaps this blurs?

[MCat]

So, tell me - does having a sex buddy have to be a physical relationship - or can it be like a friendship with some play on line like here? Certainly cuts down the possibility of having someone show up at work, which would be way too freaky.

There are certain boundaries, or should I say keeping things in perspective going into it right? Perhaps this blurs?

I think this is probably the safest way to go about it...

[guitarman26]

id say if u can keep it cool it would be fun

[Affect]

There is just so much more to an on-line friendship...there has to be some creativity to it...communication takes a much more important role aside from the phsyical communication. Anticipation too creates excitement.

Is this on-line/phone relationship appeal to women more so than men or? What do you all think?

Just pondering.

[dave42]

Sounds good to me, It is just the logistics of not getting caught! or having the other person fall in love with you. Most women will not sleep with married guys anyway, I guess it depends. I don't think women are afraid of married guys, But It is their wives that they are afraid of if they get busted. Men seem to have a separation of "Church and state" when it comes to relationships and sex so it is easier for them to be tempted to actually do the deed when it come to cheating.

[forfun1969]

Here's my take on fuck buddies when married. Is it wrong? Depends on the circumstances. When you and your spouse married, you (most likely) agreed that you are each other's exclusive sex partners. It was probably understood at the time that things happen and whatever but still, if you break that agreement, it's a deal breaker as far as the marriage goes, the marriage is off (or at least the jilted spouse has good reason to end the marriage if they choose.) So breaking an agreement is wrong, yes. If you find that the deal(s) is no longer working for you and life is too miserable to go on this way and things cannot get worked out then you must say "ok, I quit," then doing so by way of divorce is the most kind and humane way to do it vs. making the decision that agreements no longer apply without letting your spouse in on the secret. And we hope that everyone wants to be kind and humane and not evil.

Having said that, there may be some circumstances where it's not practical or not the best solution for the marriage to end. For example if it would be just too devastating to the kids or family in some way due to particular details. Or maybe it wouldn't be fair because divorce norms in your area are such that if a divorce occurs, you walk away without much rights to have anything to do with your children that you love so much and also you walk away with very few assets and wind up basically homeless while the other spouse enjoys a small fortune courtesy of you. Here's another situation where the only practicle choice is to have an affair or maybe a fuck buddy will do the trick. When the alternatives are more cruel to you than the affair/on the side sex is to your partner then I think breaking the prior exclusivity agreement (or maybe not agreement but just understanding) made when married is the right solution.

[TIGUY]

:55 Just caught this older post and wanted to say that you and hubby are very cool ppl and probably ahead of your time due to the traditional thoughts inherent in most of us :55



Are you asking if it is morally wrong? That is up to you, and your specific beliefs.

I personally believe that while monogamy is a beautiful theory, in the real world, its not practical. I *know* that I will lust after others, as will my husband... and I am okay with that. Because I love him, and he loves me but we don't OWN each other. He is allowed his private thoughts and actions, just as I am. Our agreement is simply that if one of us wants to have sex with another (or bring another person into our bed) that we will talk about it first... just for the sake of honesty.

It's a big decision, and one you can't take back. Good luck, hon! (((HUGS)))

[Crawfish]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?

What's wrong with someone on the side? When you get married you take vows to be faithful. If someone knows how to take that vow out of it I will throw a huge party. the reason...renewing our vows of course.

[Annie]

They can turn on ya. Just like a junkyard dog.

[househub]

i cant imagine having one, it would change everything, thats wht flirting here substitutes for

[BigVic]

Sounds immoral to me.

[pointofnoreturn]

Sounds like fun to me...:d

[sexytiger]

both ppl have to be open to it....if it is not an open relationship it will be doomed to die...I have seen it split relationships appart because both ppl weren't honest with each other.

[pointofnoreturn]

Would love one....

[Wil]

on the side, on top, her back, hands and knees, on a swing....whatever...I'm not particular...

[sexytiger]

:lmao

[Dr.Longfellow]

been there, done that...... it can be a great thing...... both have to have an "understanding"

[hoss]

Sounds immoral to me.

u still here ??...guess your thicker than we all thought....

and btw ...dont quote immoral to all of us when u were having a affair with a married woman ....oops ..did i say that out loud ...me bad ...

[styleguymn]

I've never really seen the problem. I've always been a "live for today" kind of person though. I just make sure that I'm extra careful as to not get caught.

I find that having a sex buddy on the side actually helps my marriage. My wife is very non-sexual, and I'm much happier around home if my needs are actually being met.

[pagirl]

I toy with the thought but I don't know that I would ever be able to go through with it...

[styleguymn]

I toy with the thought but I don't know that I would ever be able to go through with it...

PA girl...sometimes the most fun is to have a chat buddy to get your freaky side out without the actual physical encounters....

[pagirl]

PA girl...sometimes the most fun is to have a chat buddy to get your freaky side out without the actual physical encounters....

That's what I love about this site. I think coming here has opened me up more sexually but to the benefit of my husband...Not to encourage me to be unfaithful...

[forgettable_hero]

That's what I love about this site. I think coming here has opened me up more sexually but to the benefit of my husband...Not to encourage me to be unfaithful...

amen to that...now how to discreetly let my wife find this site....

[forgettable_hero]

I've never really seen the problem. I've always been a "live for today" kind of person though. I just make sure that I'm extra careful as to not get caught.

I find that having a sex buddy on the side actually helps my marriage. My wife is very non-sexual, and I'm much happier around home if my needs are actually being met.

this is so common its amazing...i don't understand wome...eerrr...spouses that dont like sex :D

[forfun1969]

Would love one....

Well ok then, it's settled.

[MCat]

Vic if you are so unhappy with the site and the people you have met here...you should just leave and not come back....

You would be happier and so would we.

[BigVic]

Vic if you are so unhappy with the site and the people you have met here...you should just leave and not come back....

You would be happier and so would we.

MCat, I love this site and the people. I'm just misunderstood.

[MCat]

MCat, I love this site and the people. I'm just misunderstood.

If you want us to understand you.....you need to start posting like a half way decent human.....to our faces anyway and on the site.

Let the past be the past and get on with the present....and the future.

[hoss]

MCat, I love this site and the people. I'm just misunderstood.

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

[pointofnoreturn]

Well ok then, it's settled.You volunteering?????:kk

[BigVic]

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

I think hoss is starting to understand.

[forfun1969]

Sure, let's go for it. We're probably only a few thousand miles apart, no biggie. :knuddel: (not able to look at profiles yet, not enough posts I guess)

You volunteering?????:kk

[Postman]

Nothing as long as they are of the opposite sex.

[paris]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?
I highly recommend it! But make sure, without a doubt that your head is in the right place!

[duanehofner]

Congrats on your Sunday adventure, girl! Be discrete though!

[tlh_sc08]

I dont think that it is wrong but it is very hard to do without developing feelings for the other person. I speak for experience on this part. Been there and done it. It was fun at first but feelings begin developing after a while.I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?

[tlh_sc08]

Morally it is wrong and if you cant have a friend on the side without developing feelings it will be hard. I speak with experience on this part. Been there and done that. It is fun at first but the longer it happens the harder it is to stop.

[Wil]

I highly recommend it! But make sure, without a doubt that your head is in the right place!

and where do you want my head paris...? :lf

[harkness]

Nothings wrong with it. I agree with being careful. Both parties should be clear going in it is all about the sex and will never be nothing more. That always doesn't work, feelings change, I had that happen with me...a friend said the dreaded 3 words-"i love you"....but i delicately backed out and we r still very good friends, nothing more.

[dave42]

Morally it is wrong and if you cant have a friend on the side without developing feelings it will be hard. I speak with experience on this part. Been there and done that. It is fun at first but the longer it happens the harder it is to stop.I had this hot latina sex buddy for a few months. She has pretty much ruined me for white girls.
Any way I did get attached to her but I was unsure of leaving my current relationship to start a permanent relationship with her. I was marrried and she was single which created problems. It was easy to tell she was in love and wanted things I could not give her, So it had to end. We are still friends though.

[pagirl]

I am seriously considering it at this moment...Don't know if I would be albe to live with the guilt or how long it would take for the guilt to go away but living without a loving touch is not easy either...

[paris]

and where do you want my head paris...? :lf
Awww, Wil!!! You know, hon!:lf

[Jelly]

Wrong?? NO!!! ;)

[c50t]

The thought has often occured to me - over nearly 15 years of marriage. Yep, same story sooo many people on here are living.
I've always stopped before I committed the deed. However, each time, I creep closer, and closer, flirting with the edge.
I look around me and always find myself backing off. Not wanting to risk what I have even if it means finding that place where I feel good again.
Hmm, one day - right place, right time. Maybe.

[Dir]

[QUOTE=c50t]The thought has often occured to me - over nearly 15 years of marriage. Yep, same story sooo many people on here are living.
I've always stopped before I committed the deed. However, each time, I creep closer, and closer, flirting with the edge.
I look around me and always find myself backing off. Not wanting to risk what I have even if it means finding that place where I feel good again.
Hmm, one day - right place, right time. Maybe.[/QUOT:55:55:55Yes good description of my situation...

[stevelooking]

Wrong?? NO!!! ;)

jelly where you from in the rocky's

[rizz]

Wrong?? NO!!! ;)
rockies are just to far :(

[Iwantutowantme]

I havent had a sex buddy on the side, not that I couldnt, just havent ventured that way,,,,,,,,,, but I will not take the option off the table, just yet......

[fixin4fun]

I just like someone with a open mind about things and won't be all judgemental

[TIGUY]

[QUOTE=c50t]The thought has often occured to me - over nearly 15 years of marriage. Yep, same story sooo many people on here are living.
I've always stopped before I committed the deed. However, each time, I creep closer, and closer, flirting with the edge.
I look around me and always find myself backing off. Not wanting to risk what I have even if it means finding that place where I feel good again.
Hmm, one day - right place, right time. Maybe.[/QUOT:55:55:55Yes good description of my situation...

One day you will be happier for it...

[househub]

it would seem it would take away from the sex buddy you married, but i've never had one

[GaelicCharm]

maybe one day ct someone will push you over the edge as long as you dont fall too far where is the harm.We only live once and hopefully a long life unless the wife catches us

[drem]

cant tell you , i would like to find one though and see about it

[GaelicCharm]

wouldn't we all drem

[liguy4fun]

I highly recommend it! But make sure, without a doubt that your head is in the right place!

My head is in the right place-here in new york! are you looking paris?

[Intubater69]

Since the birth of our son over 5 yrs, our sex life has hit rock bottom. She never was an initiator in any way, shape or form, not aggressive nor verbal.
Now it;s like she goes out of her way to avoid sex, sleeping on the couch, keeping our son up way late watching cartoons, coming up with a myriad of excuses, etc. I've been divorced once, not looking forwarfd to it a 2nd time, but def.! not enjoying this marriage. So for me, I am very open to the possibility of a long-term affair with someone in the same boat.

[thrilla18]

I would like something on the side, but to find someone who is mature enough to have no strings attached, is tough. There is too much to risk!

[cherokeered]

not for me.....I am too emotional....I get attached and a casual fling is not my style....just hurts too much

[chuck909909]

I often find myself wondering why affairs ae wrong...I have been married for 10 years and have over the past year started intruducing new things like toys and lotions, etc...But now I am wanting more...like somebody on the side..no strings attached, no emotional attachment, just sex. Just something different every once in a while. Why is it wrong to wonder outside your marriage or relationship to satisfy your sexual needs?? Especially if you are not looking for anything else but sex?I say go for it. If that is what you need to be satisfy then do it

[GaelicCharm]

not all flings are casual as they say i have know someone who had a fling with the same person for 5 years i hasten to add not me, but both of them remained in their own marriage.

[nolefaninal]

There is not necessarily anything wrong with having a "sex buddy" on the side, but if you're hiding them from your spouse, lying to them or your spouse or giving them affection and love instead of your spouse than that could be a problem.

[sexytiger]

There is not necessarily anything wrong with having a "sex buddy" on the side, but if you're hiding them from your spouse, lying to them or your spouse or giving them affection and love instead of your spouse than that could be a problem.


Hit the nail on the head there....

[MIGHTY]

...because if I just wanted meanless, unemotional sex I'd just sleep with my husband.......

[Wil]

nothing...because if I can't have meaningful, emotional sex with my wife...

[stevelooking]

i have a sex buddy on the side and she is awesome:knuddel:

[stevelooking]

she meets a real need that is not being fulfilled at home.

[c50t]

maybe one day ct someone will push you over the edge as long as you dont fall too far where is the harm.We only live once and hopefully a long life unless the wife catches us

It's not the thought of getting caught that pulls me back. Honestly, I have enough trust in my ability to cover, I think I could pull it off.
The thought of training my brain and body and heart to separate themselves - that's a defeat I'm not ready to surrender to just yet. Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic - always hoping in that longshot - One day, somehow the perfect storm occurs. The heart, the body, the soul all are there at one time.
My marriage has done a lot of damage to that ideal. But I still know it's my best shot at acheiving it. And I haven't given up completely yet. Maybe I will one day. But maybe I won't. If I'm wrong, I go through life sexually frustrated. If, one the longest odds, my faint hope is one day fulfilled . . . that will be enough.

[XR40TY]

I wish i had one........... but don't have the gonads to go get one yet, . That being said I beleive if the home sex has a lot to be desired than we are humans and have needs.................... go for it. We weren't all meant to be high and dry.

[GaelicCharm]

dont have one but have thought about it but thats where it has remained just a thought

[IsThisIt@50?]

I have seriously considered this but have wondered how one goes about finding someone that will be happy with providing 'a service' while you figure out what you need to do with your marraige and life. After investing 24 yrs in a marraige, it isn't easy to just 'walk away'. This is especially true when your spouse is totally depandant on you to take care of almost every aspect of his life (like a child) and his emotional state is so fragile you realize you might destroy him should you make that move. Even when the kids are encouraging you-still not easy to figure out. It would be so nice to have someone's arms to fall into, to have some passionate, mind-blowing sex to take you away from it all.

[GaelicCharm]

It ill happen for you ISthis if its meant to happen and feels right for you.Its nice to be able to have a cuddle and be shown affection.If both parties know that there is no intention to walk away from a marriage before they start and they fully understand that then i am sure it could work.However what happens if one of them start to have doubts or their feelings become so strong that they want to leave their spouse and they expect the other person to do the same.

This is why ground rules would need to be established and if one or the other cant abide by them no point in carrying on

[yaser]

I have seriously considered this but have wondered how one goes about finding someone that will be happy with providing 'a service' while you figure out what you need to do with your marraige and life. After investing 24 yrs in a marraige, it isn't easy to just 'walk away'. This is especially true when your spouse is totally depandant on you to take care of almost every aspect of his life (like a child) and his emotional state is so fragile you realize you might destroy him should you make that move. Even when the kids are encouraging you-still not easy to figure out. It would be so nice to have someone's arms to fall into, to have some passionate, mind-blowing sex to take you away from it all.
What do you really want for yourself honey? For your heart? For your soul? :kk