What Happened

[stucknmarriage74(f)]

OK guys and girls, maybe you can help me find some answers.....
Since i've been coming here i feel as if i'm "waking up" from a long sleep. I've found my sexual side again and have started to find "myself" emotionally. I guess what i've been wondering is how did we get to this awful spot in our marriage? Where did we go wrong? In the beginning it was great we talked openly and the sex was great.
Now we barely even acknowledge each others existence. Part of me still needs him but part of me wants him to be out of my life so i can get on with the "living part.
So my question to all of u is What the F**k happened?

[Shawn]

My honest opinion, and I can not speak for anyone but myself, is this: I think I just got a bit comfortable, the longer the relationship went the less I felt the need to add to it, no desire to try and "wow" her much, when I did do special things it was not apprecieated as much so I kind of stop doing them. Then the kids/job always seem to find a way to become more important that we were.
Things are better for me lately, but the sex has not returned...maybe never will (sigh) but I suppose that it is not EVERYTHING, eventhough I think its extremely important

So to answer you...lol..I dunno maybe we all just got a little to comfortable?

[Lacey]

My honest opinion, and I can not speak for anyone but myself, is this: I think I just got a bit comfortable, the longer the relationship went the less I felt the need to add to it, no desire to try and "wow" her much, when I did do special things it was not apprecieated as much so I kind of stop doing them. Then the kids/job always seem to find a way to become more important that we were.
Things are better for me lately, but the sex has not returned...maybe never will (sigh) but I suppose that it is not EVERYTHING, eventhough I think its extremely important

So to answer you...lol..I dunno maybe we all just got a little to comfortable?


I think you're right.

And I think sometimes when you give and give and get nothing in return , it starts to crumble a little, where you don't notice it at first but when it comes down to it, you wake up one day and think what the hell happend, and what happened is both parties go with the flow, we focus on the kids and work, and settle.And for me, I get tired of settling.

[Big O]

It's funny how everyday life seems to get in the way of a relationship. I guess that's why they say that you want to marry your best friend because the lust might end but the friendship should never end. I love my wife but I still love sex..... Why did they ever say that???? ... and who is "they" ?????

[Rays]

I know for me it's just that I married the wrong person. When I was young and in love I thought Love was all that mattered. It didn't matter that she was a play it safe girl and I was a risk taker. It didn't matter that she hated herself and I loved myself. I could go on and on, but the point is that all of those differences have grown to make us such different people. Now I just feel trapped in this mundane boring life.

[cherokeered]

Was reading something the other day that apparently over time...we get tired of being with each other...we tolerate each other less over time....our patience runs thin and we basically get bored....

Little annoyances become more noticable and are no longer cute or tolerable....

[pagirl]

I know for me it's just that I married the wrong person. When I was young and in love I thought Love was all that mattered. It didn't matter that she was a play it safe girl and I was a risk taker. It didn't matter that she hated herself and I loved myself. I could go on and on, but the point is that all of those differences have grown to make us such different people. Now I just feel trapped in this mundane boring life.

My situation is similar...but he used to be the risk taker and I was the quiet boring one. Now he has become quiet and boring and I am waking up (thanks to this site)...I want to go out and be social but he wants to stay home and be lazy. We are growing apart...I do still love him but I want more! I need more! I deserve more...I am working on trying to bring life back into him! But he's not being very responsive. :cry:

[Rays]

My situation is similar...but he used to be the risk taker and I was the quiet boring one. Now he has become quiet and boring and I am waking up (thanks to this site)...I want to go out and be social but he wants to stay home and be lazy. We are growing apart...I do still love him but I want more! I need more! I deserve more...I am working on trying to bring life back into him! But he's not being very responsive. :cry:

If you do to him what we talked about before, and he doesn't respond, then there may be no hope for him. LOL

[Hotshotfireguy]

Well, I know I've gotten tired of being run down, of being made to feel useless except for bringing a paycheck home. I'm tired of not being able to socialize because my friends just aren't good enough. I'm tired of giving and not recieving nothing in return. Am I perfect? Heck no. A long way from it in fact. And it has showed in my self-confidence. I have even laughed at myself because I can run into a burning house with no problem at all, but in my personal life, I don't feel worth a sh*&. Luckily, there are some people here, who are working on me to get me through the feelings I have of myself. And to one in particular, Thank You for showing me what the butterflies feel like again. Life has taken on a meaning again that it had lost.

[fourisit]

I was sitting here thinking and for me it is opposite. We are best friends. We can talk about the things you cant tell anyone else and tollerate each others bad habits ( even though we fight about them sometimes) but we dont look at each other and say wow I want to make her/him happy. Some of the desire is gone. Oh we still have sex but it has become more of taking care of a needed release than pure hot desire. For a while we were having great sex but life gets in the way and you just have to much common load that you cant put aside. Its always there in bettween you in bed. My husband is a stresser and I am not so he thinks that I dont care enough and I think he focuses on the negative to much its hard to get past that.

[pagirl]

Well, I know I've gotten tired of being run down, of being made to feel useless except for bringing a paycheck home. I'm tired of not being able to socialize because my friends just aren't good enough. I'm tired of giving and not recieving nothing in return. Am I perfect? Heck no. A long way from it in fact. And it has showed in my self-confidence. I have even laughed at myself because I can run into a burning house with no problem at all, but in my personal life, I don't feel worth a sh*&. Luckily, there are some people here, who are working on me to get me through the feelings I have of myself. And to one in particular, Thank You for showing me what the butterflies feel like again. Life has taken on a meaning again that it had lost.

I am happy to hear you can feel the butterflies again...This site tends to have that effect on people :hug: :kk

[Big O]

Well, I know I've gotten tired of being run down, of being made to feel useless except for bringing a paycheck home. I'm tired of not being able to socialize because my friends just aren't good enough. I'm tired of giving and not recieving nothing in return. Am I perfect? Heck no. A long way from it in fact. And it has showed in my self-confidence. I have even laughed at myself because I can run into a burning house with no problem at all, but in my personal life, I don't feel worth a sh*&. Luckily, there are some people here, who are working on me to get me through the feelings I have of myself. And to one in particular, Thank You for showing me what the butterflies feel like again. Life has taken on a meaning again that it had lost.

Let's go grab a beer......

[Hotshotfireguy]

Let's go grab a beer......


Let me get off duty and I am there.

[Hotshotfireguy]

I am happy to hear you can feel the butterflies again...This site tends to have that effect on people :hug: :kk

Aint nuthin better for the self esteem than all you purty girls talkin to me.

[Penny]

Sometimes the sound of his voice makes me shiver but other times the sight of him makes me melt. There are good days and bad days. Up to us to do the best we can I guess.

[Shawn]

I'll buy the first round!!

Let me get off duty and I am there.

[Big O]

I'll buy the first round!!

I think it would be really cool for a bunch of us guys (only) to get together and have a few.

[Shawn]

I think it would be really cool if a few of us...guys and girls could meet up and drink a couple...oh wait .. that may not be such a good idea after all...yeah you're right...guy-night out!! (I was almost the guy that brought the girl to the guys-only party....whew)

[stucknmarriage74(f)]

Aww its no fun w/out the purty girls!!!

[pagirl]

Aww its no fun w/out the purty girls!!!

Lets girls go dancing and let the guys play by themselves :55

I think we will have more fun :D

[Shawn]

Sadly that is probably true..but I'll drive the limo!

Lets girls go dancing and let the guys play by themselves :55

I think we will have more fun :D

[private beaches]

Aww its no fun w/out the purty girls!!!


Can I join you Stuck and Pa? I could use a night out too! :)

[PlayfulMale69]

I volunteer to drive for you girls :D

[Me]

I think it would be really cool if a few of us...guys and girls could meet up and drink a couple...oh wait .. that may not be such a good idea after all...yeah you're right...guy-night out!! (I was almost the guy that brought the girl to the guys-only party....whew)


LMAO!!!!!! some girls are fun enough to be at the guys-only party!!!!!! :na

[Iwantutowantme]

Lets girls go dancing and let the guys play by themselves :55

I think we will have more fun :D

************************
Actually pagirl,,,,,,,,I would prefer to go dancing with you :)........ Would you mind if I tag along and be an escort of sorts and take turns dancing with you all ............... It would be so much fun........:)

[pagirl]

Can I join you Stuck and Pa? I could use a night out too! :)

Beaches you are always welcome!

[pagirl]

************************
Actually pagirl,,,,,,,,I would prefer to go dancing with you :)........ Would you mind if I tag along and be an escort of sorts and take turns dancing with you all ............... It would be so much fun........:)


Well, you will have to get the approval of the other ladies first :D

[private beaches]

Beaches you are always welcome!

Okay, but I had a half glass of that Yellow Tail Reisling that someone reccommened on the wine thread, so maybe one of the guys can drive for us! BTW the wine is really good and it was on sale too.:)

[toosarcastic]

I know that to a certain extent it is children. Something we both wanted and planned for. What I did not expect was little time and attention would be left over for us. She became very focused on the kids almost to the exclusion of anything else. I love my kids but I still saw her as her, not just “Mom.” For a long time (and still sometimes) it was impossible for her to take time away to go on a “date”, and forget about the two of us going on a vacation without the kids, even for a weekend. The kids are older now and a bit easier, but I have lost some of my desire to try.

[sexytiger]

Okay, but I had a half glass of that Yellow Tail Reisling that someone reccommened on the wine thread, so maybe one of the guys can drive for us! BTW the wine is really good and it was on sale too.:)


Hey I am a great choffer..where would you ladies like to go??:D

[RedVixen]

OK guys and girls, maybe you can help me find some answers.....
Since i've been coming here i feel as if i'm "waking up" from a long sleep. I've found my sexual side again and have started to find "myself" emotionally. I guess what i've been wondering is how did we get to this awful spot in our marriage? Where did we go wrong? In the beginning it was great we talked openly and the sex was great.
Now we barely even acknowledge each others existence. Part of me still needs him but part of me wants him to be out of my life so i can get on with the "living part.
So my question to all of u is What the F**k happened?

Part of the reason for *us* is the kids, the career, the bills, the hobbies, etc. being more of a priority. In the beginning, it was only the two of us, so all we had to focus on was the two of us and what made us happy 'together'. Now it's just easier to do our *own* thing and we've grown apart. Day to day life with each other is on auto-pilot and that's not good for any marriage :(

Case in point: Hubby & I have barely spoken in a week. Today, hubby came home from work early with flowers and cake - two of my favs...we had an hour before the kids came home from school ~ we decided to make the best of it and had a quickie. He got to get his rocks off while I remained unsatisfied (he didn't even try)...the kids came home and we haven't spoken since....hmmmm, WTF is wrong with this picture? :sc

[sexytiger]

I think you're right.

And I think sometimes when you give and give and get nothing in return , it starts to crumble a little, where you don't notice it at first but when it comes down to it, you wake up one day and think what the hell happend, and what happened is both parties go with the flow, we focus on the kids and work, and settle.And for me, I get tired of settling.


This is one thing I am afraid of...its been awhile since my wife have been together do to medical problems. She knows that I love her and I miss her but can't be with me like that...I am afraid that we may grow apart....

I don't want to settle

[Hotshotfireguy]

Lets girls go dancing and let the guys play by themselves :55

I think we will have more fun :D

Ok we guys can go drink for a while then meet up with the ladies ( UH HUM, Darlin, you listening?) Then the fun could start :D

[Kit*]

with my husband it the same way he dosent try to well be romantic or even lustful after me, we still have sex all the time but he does it to passafy me he really isnt interested. i love him he is the father of my kids but since i came her i have realized i like attention from men and if he wont give me the attention and respect i want i will find it some where else thus my stumbiling in to this site. follow your heart and gut instinct it usually wont lead you wrong not in my expierence any way.:wa:

[rizz]

LMAO!!!!!! some girls are fun enough to be at the guys-only party!!!!!! :na
lol...rather have you than the guys only party jelly!!

[Me]

lol...rather have you than the guys only party jelly!!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww :kk :kk :kk :knuddel:

[flake68]

My honest opinion, and I can not speak for anyone but myself, is this: I think I just got a bit comfortable, the longer the relationship went the less I felt the need to add to it, no desire to try and "wow" her much, when I did do special things it was not apprecieated as much so I kind of stop doing them. Then the kids/job always seem to find a way to become more important that we were.
Things are better for me lately, but the sex has not returned...maybe never will (sigh) but I suppose that it is not EVERYTHING, eventhough I think its extremely important

So to answer you...lol..I dunno maybe we all just got a little to comfortable?

I think Shawn may be on to something.......I have known my wife for 23 years and the past eight have been very tough. Between the kids (love them but you know...) and life in general, things tend to get slow, comfortable. Its easy to let life get in the way and isolate each partner until nothing is left. Eventually, you find yourself asking "What's happended?" and "the spark is gone." For me, I finally decided to address the issue, basically I said to her I love her as a person, friend...but I need more (from daily affection to whatever) and if things didn't change, I was leaving.

Of course she was taken back by this, since there really was no arguing. But I needed to address that "comforably numb" feeling. Turns out, She too was in a state of "why is this happening" but we as a couple just lost touch not only with ourselves but with eachother.Things are starting to get better, but only work and time will tell if we have indeed turned the corner (so to speak).

Stuck, (Not sure if you already have) try and address the issue and talk to him. Maybe he too is not understood or is lost in life. If there is no hope after really working and discussing the problem(s), then you need decided if you really want to live you life feeling the way you are currently feeling.

Sorry for the long reply, but I really understand what you are going through.

[Rays]

I think you're right.

And I think sometimes when you give and give and get nothing in return , it starts to crumble a little, where you don't notice it at first but when it comes down to it, you wake up one day and think what the hell happend, and what happened is both parties go with the flow, we focus on the kids and work, and settle.And for me, I get tired of settling.

You of all people should never have to settle!

[cb2258]

My situation is similar...but he used to be the risk taker and I was the quiet boring one. Now he has become quiet and boring and I am waking up (thanks to this site)...I want to go out and be social but he wants to stay home and be lazy. We are growing apart...I do still love him but I want more! I need more! I deserve more...I am working on trying to bring life back into him! But he's not being very responsive. :cry: I must admit i'm in the same boat. She seems quite preocupied with school and getting her masters, which in itself is quite anaccomplishment and she does deserve my respect for that. problem is our sex life has paid the price. I grabbed her the other day, looked straight into her eyes while holdind the back of her head in both hands firmly, and firmly said Hey lady, Wanna F***? She smiled and made a funny remark about the papers she had to write. That leaves a man wondering where does it all lead. Certainly not to the bedroom!

[Dir]

I was sitting here thinking and for me it is opposite. We are best friends. We can talk about the things you cant tell anyone else and tollerate each others bad habits ( even though we fight about them sometimes) but we dont look at each other and say wow I want to make her/him happy. Some of the desire is gone. Oh we still have sex but it has become more of taking care of a needed release than pure hot desire. For a while we were having great sex but life gets in the way and you just have to much common load that you cant put aside. Its always there in bettween you in bed. My husband is a stresser and I am not so he thinks that I dont care enough and I think he focuses on the negative to much its hard to get past that. Very familiar to me ....

[sexytiger]

Very familiar to me ....

Hi D,

I am the one that doesn't worry and my wife stresses about everything....

Its all little stuff I tell here...if we do a little planning the stresses start to go away.

[ebony prince]

I must admit i'm in the same boat. She seems quite preocupied with school and getting her masters, which in itself is quite anaccomplishment and she does deserve my respect for that. problem is our sex life has paid the price. I grabbed her the other day, looked straight into her eyes while holdind the back of her head in both hands firmly, and firmly said Hey lady, Wanna F***? She smiled and made a funny remark about the papers she had to write. That leaves a man wondering where does it all lead. Certainly not to the bedroom!

Join the club my brother. This seems to be too common and why a lot of us end up here.

[Thumpintwin]

I think you're right.

And I think sometimes when you give and give and get nothing in return , it starts to crumble a little, where you don't notice it at first but when it comes down to it, you wake up one day and think what the hell happend, and what happened is both parties go with the flow, we focus on the kids and work, and settle.And for me, I get tired of settling.

I think of love as a well inside of us. Each day we go to it and pour some of it out into the other person. In a healthy realationship, your partner is pouring it back as your are pouring it out. If we are constantly pouring it into someone, and they never pour it back, the well goes dry. We lose the ability to express love; and like a well, you can't really see the bottom, until the bucket hits it and you have nothing left.

just my .02

[Thumpintwin]

duplicate post

[cb2258]

OK guys and girls, maybe you can help me find some answers.....
Since i've been coming here i feel as if i'm "waking up" from a long sleep. I've found my sexual side again and have started to find "myself" emotionally. I guess what i've been wondering is how did we get to this awful spot in our marriage? Where did we go wrong? In the beginning it was great we talked openly and the sex was great.
Now we barely even acknowledge each others existence. Part of me still needs him but part of me wants him to be out of my life so i can get on with the "living part.
So my question to all of u is What the F**k happened? Not to sure about you,however in my own marriage of 20 years, we became overwhelmed with the enormous responsibility if raising children and keeping up with the jones's. I suppose we both fantasize when we have a moment , of the way we wish things were, but we seem to think our significant other isn't listening so we never say a word.

[Guizot123]

My marriage, it just came apart bit by bit. My wife came from a backwoodsy part of New England and we moved into an old wooden house, the kind with endless leaks and sags etc. and she found out that I wasn't handy andy and didn't know how to fix anything, things went downhill fast. Plus she became addicted to overeating,, overspending, and prescription drug abuse.
I have been to many foreign countries, and here in the US, unlike a lot of the rest of the world, we expect love and marriage to go together seamlessly. As soon as the love fades, we are supposed to start self-destructing-you know "oh no, we're not in love anymore, our life is ruined", start an expensive divorce, uproot the children, wipe each other out financially etc..
In Europe, people get married so, (1) The children have a stable home, (2) husband and wife can pool their expenses, (3) Husband can prove to his family that he's not a fag by marrying a woman, (4) The wife won't end up an aging single woman competing with other aging single women fighting over a shrinking pool of bitter divorced guys and middle-aged guys that still live with their parents. A lot of European marriages, they keep up appearances in public and wife and hubby have girlfriends and boyfriends on the side.

[OC_guy]

with my husband it the same way he dosent try to well be romantic or even lustful after me, we still have sex all the time but he does it to passafy me he really isnt interested. i love him he is the father of my kids but since i came her i have realized i like attention from men and if he wont give me the attention and respect i want i will find it some where else thus my stumbiling in to this site. follow your heart and gut instinct it usually wont lead you wrong not in my expierence any way.:wa:
I can relate to most of what was said here. I think not one side is to blame either