When does the control end, how do you make them stop?

[WandaRing]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!

[Rays]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!

Sounds like the best way to get control over the situation is to get the hell out of there. Some people just are never going to change.

[private beaches]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!

I wish I knew what to say to make things better, Hang in there Annie! :hug: Be good to yourself and read ALL the fine print! Hopefully this will all be over for you soon.

[Lacey]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!


Sorry!! The one thing I can say is,No way do you go to his friend who is a lawyer.Go get your own and make him pay for it in the divorce, and sometimes it's good to blow ,it freaks them out and they then know you've had enough.Unless he gets physical,then I would wait till he leaves get that car and haul ass.

[pagirl]

Do not go to his lawyer friend! Would not be a good situation for you. I agree with Lacey...get your own lawyer! Do not let him have that control..take control yourself!

Good luck! I wish you the best :hug:

come back and vent any time ... we are all here for you! :kk

[Shawn]

Sorry to hear about your really crappy situation Annie....I am not sure you'll ever get the controlling to stop, thats a change he would have to make , and by the sounds of it thats not going to happen...just stay focused and don't forget that these days will soon be over and you will be allowed to find true happiness...hang in there

[Rays]

Here's an idea. Tell him you are fine with doing that as long as you get to pick the lawyer. See what he says to that.

[cherokeered]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!


can't make it better hun...but hang in there...and do not use his friend the lawyer...get yourself a good divorce lawyer....and just shrug him off when he complains about you...or tell him, this is why we need to divorce...so you dont have to put up with me anymore....so sorry to be such a disappointment to ya...but fuck off....

[househub]

yah anne, ask a girl friend who is a good lawyer, and tell him you'll use the car whenever you damn well please

[Penny]

I would atleast talk to my own lawyer. It will probably piss him off though so it is up to you to do what you think is best. We can only hope things work out for you. :(

[twoblues]

he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Help!


Be very careful. A great friend of mine signed some papers that her common-law/father of their child had drawn from a lawyer "friend". She refused to sign them, but they still lived together and he pestered her and antogonized her until she was mentally and emotionally drained. She signed them and now she's back in court to get that agreement nullified due to emotional distress.

Basically, sign the papers on your own terms. You don't owe him anything. Why does he deserve to go out on his terms? Let him use his lawyer if he wishes, but get your own lawyer or legal aid to review it all beforehand. If money is an issue, there are free legal aids in the phonebook who will review your case.

If money isn't an issue...I have a good lawyer to suggest ;)

[Mer-man]

Annie, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. As a controller he is bound to want to impose his lawyer and his terms. Please get your own advice. His friend is not going to have your interest at heart.

You've got a lot of support here. Good luck and look to the future positive opportunities :)

[OpBob]

Annie, sorry to hear about what you are going through. I agree with those who say you should find your own attorney. You can either look in the phone book or find someone who used a divorce attorney in your area. You can interview them, get their advice, and decide which one you would like to use...for free! It is up your husband to pay for your attorney. You both need to decide how to divide up all of the assets and the attorneys can help you with that.

[Thumpintwin]

Annie, like everyone else said, get your own lawyer. Especially of he is trying all of these mind games. His request for secrecy sounds really wierd, sounds more like anothersick attempt to control and isolate you from your friends. If you'e made up your mind, then it's YOUR future and emotional health you should worry about not his. BTW, any hint of a threat run like the wind.

Wishing you good luck!

[Torin]

:hug:

I'm so sorry he is being such a jerk! Nothing pisses me off quite like someone trying to control me!

My only advice is to get your OWN lawyer, and get your cute ass outta that house ASAP!

[toosarcastic]

Annie, same as everyone else has said, hang in, get you own lawyer and you are welcome to vent, yell, whine, pout and anything else that gets you through the day here with us!

[spare_change]

For most women, the relationship is over when the ink on the divorce decree is final.

For most men, the relationship is over the first time the D-word is uttered.

He's in it to protect his future now --- you better be, too. As far as he's concerned, he doesn't owe you anything. It's up to you to make sure he's wrong. Get your own lawyer, or the last time won't be the last time you got screwed.

[RedVixen]

For most women, the relationship is over when the ink on the divorce decree is final.

For most men, the relationship is over the first time the D-word is uttered.

He's in it to protect his future now --- you better be, too. As far as he's concerned, he doesn't owe you anything. It's up to you to make sure he's wrong. Get your own lawyer, or the last time won't be the last time you got screwed.

I have to second Spare's statement.

Trust me Annie - my best friend went through this...get your own lawyer and get out of that house :hug:

[Chrissy]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!

:hug: so sorry, things will get better, stay strong, surround yourself with people who will give you confidence and get your own lawyer.

[PunkyBob]

Hang in there, Annie...and listen to the good advice here...get your own lawyer, get out of that house and away from the controlling influence. Tell whoever you want, too. He's trying to undermine you and leave you with no emotional outlet--don't let that happen. You have friends here...vent all you want...

[purring]

:spbx: So sorry to vent, I feel like I am going to blow...but not in a good way. :D

I feel so angry that my hands are shaking and I feel sick to my stomach. I have been home for a week and yesterday he starts all this control crap all over again. The biggest issues right now are how and when I use the car (nothing new there), and now he’s angry because I get some of his pension when we separate, because of the Chronic Fatigue I get a little more then the average separation. Now he is telling me not tell anyone that we are separating, he will take care of me and we will go to his friend who is a lawyer and this lawyer friend will make up an agreement for us. I am at the point where I would rather be on the street or dead rather then live another day with him, I am losing my patience and starting to really hate him! Is this ever going to end?:cry:



Does they ever give up being controlling and how do you make them stop? Help!

Sorry to hear this.. I walked away from my marriage, asked for nothing.. not a thing. no alimonay, no child support.... NOTHING.. only to make sure I was free of mine.

[TheTurtle]

I have to say that I agree with Spare, Annie. He is out for himself. Get your own lawyer, don't let him bully you, get out of the house if you need to, and tell anyone you want to. It will become public in due course, anyways. Just keep fighting for what you know is right.

[WandaRing]

:wa: Hi everyone! Thank your for the support and the advice you all have offered, I really appreciate each of you.

I met with my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor on Friday and she confirmed my feelings, it’s also sent another red flag up for her and she is doing her best to get me out. :cry: Getting out is not so easy for me due to limited funds (not able to work due to the Chronic Fatigue); and hubby has drained our finances on his addictions to hookers, so my credit is not good and not reliable. I am on the list for housing but that can take up to three years before I get a place.


I am not giving up on myself or my life; I want a new life! I keep myself busy and focused on changing and improving the things that I can change now. To improve my Chronic Fatigue, I work out with a personal trainer once a week; (it’s free and would cost me big bucks to pay myself). I see my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor once a week to deal with the issues that have led me to this place so that I wont end up in another bad relationship or make choices based on the needs of others. I take walks on the beach, and in the warmer weather I take short hikes, and I have recently taken up photography, oh and I cant forget M&F, ;) as bad as this marriage is I have found a few enjoyable outlets that help.



Again thank you all so very much!:kk

[ksue7274]

It seems you have the support system you need Annie. You also have a good head on your shoulders and you will find things will get better soon. Keep your chin up and vent here whenever you need to.

[OICurready4me]

:wa: Hi everyone! Thank your for the support and the advice you all have offered, I really appreciate each of you.

I met with my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor on Friday and she confirmed my feelings, it’s also sent another red flag up for her and she is doing her best to get me out. :cry: Getting out is not so easy for me due to limited funds (not able to work due to the Chronic Fatigue); and hubby has drained our finances on his addictions to hookers, so my credit is not good and not reliable. I am on the list for housing but that can take up to three years before I get a place.


I am not giving up on myself or my life; I want a new life! I keep myself busy and focused on changing and improving the things that I can change now. To improve my Chronic Fatigue, I work out with a personal trainer once a week; (it’s free and would cost me big bucks to pay myself). I see my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor once a week to deal with the issues that have led me to this place so that I wont end up in another bad relationship or make choices based on the needs of others. I take walks on the beach, and in the warmer weather I take short hikes, and I have recently taken up photography, oh and I cant forget M&F, ;) as bad as this marriage is I have found a few enjoyable outlets that help.



Again thank you all so very much!:kk



I know I speak for alot of people here when I say....GREAT JOB! We are very proud of you for taking those steps and starting to get things straightened out for yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day but you have started the ball rolling and we are happy as hell that you are making it happen. Fantastic! :55

[fly]

:wa: Hi everyone! Thank your for the support and the advice you all have offered, I really appreciate each of you.

I met with my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor on Friday and she confirmed my feelings, it’s also sent another red flag up for her and she is doing her best to get me out. :cry: Getting out is not so easy for me due to limited funds (not able to work due to the Chronic Fatigue); and hubby has drained our finances on his addictions to hookers, so my credit is not good and not reliable. I am on the list for housing but that can take up to three years before I get a place.


I am not giving up on myself or my life; I want a new life! I keep myself busy and focused on changing and improving the things that I can change now. To improve my Chronic Fatigue, I work out with a personal trainer once a week; (it’s free and would cost me big bucks to pay myself). I see my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor once a week to deal with the issues that have led me to this place so that I wont end up in another bad relationship or make choices based on the needs of others. I take walks on the beach, and in the warmer weather I take short hikes, and I have recently taken up photography, oh and I cant forget M&F, ;) as bad as this marriage is I have found a few enjoyable outlets that help.



Again thank you all so very much!:kk



awww.................GOOD for you!!!!!

[Thumpintwin]

:wa: Hi everyone! Thank your for the support and the advice you all have offered, I really appreciate each of you.

I met with my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor on Friday and she confirmed my feelings, it’s also sent another red flag up for her and she is doing her best to get me out. :cry: Getting out is not so easy for me due to limited funds (not able to work due to the Chronic Fatigue); and hubby has drained our finances on his addictions to hookers, so my credit is not good and not reliable. I am on the list for housing but that can take up to three years before I get a place.


I am not giving up on myself or my life; I want a new life! I keep myself busy and focused on changing and improving the things that I can change now. To improve my Chronic Fatigue, I work out with a personal trainer once a week; (it’s free and would cost me big bucks to pay myself). I see my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor once a week to deal with the issues that have led me to this place so that I wont end up in another bad relationship or make choices based on the needs of others. I take walks on the beach, and in the warmer weather I take short hikes, and I have recently taken up photography, oh and I cant forget M&F, ;) as bad as this marriage is I have found a few enjoyable outlets that help.



Again thank you all so very much!:kk



Hey Annie, I don't know anything about Chronic Fatigue (the disease side), but something basic I did to try and build a little energy and get out of my depression was get up in time to see the sunrise. From a medical standpoint it was totally bogus, but it was something to help get a positive and constructive start to the day. It's probably hard in BC right to see the sun at all though :D. Good luck and keep posting!

[TheTurtle]

Good for you, Annie! And keep positive. You are taking the right steps.:55

[woodsman8]

Too bad you do not have a really close friend you could move in with. Don't let things get to you, keep an up beat attitude and always think positive.

[woodsman8]

What you are going through is mental abuse and there are government agencies who will help you get out of that situation and get you mental health and start a new life elsewhere

[Jabbuk]

Annie, I don't know you, but god knows I've handled enough domestics to watch the control issues. Men like that are going to be like that. They feel like you are their property, even after you are gone, you are still "his" property. Be careful about contact after you leave also, he will continue to try and control you. As for his agreement with the lawyer friend? Do not do it. It's just another method of control.

[WandaRing]

What you are going through is mental abuse and there are government agencies who will help you get out of that situation and get you mental health and start a new life elsewhere
:( you would be surprised at how little help there is out there for mental and emotional abuse, if the abuse is physical you can help right away. I am seeing a Victims of Crime Counsellor because of the abuse I went through as a child, but since there is a connection between child abuse and spousal abuse I'll move up the list much quicker and hopefully get my own place sooner then later.

[kaycee727(m)]

Annie early in my marriage I was too controlling. I have to admit. I did it mostly because my wife could not make any decisions. I finally realized it is her life and if that is how she wanted to be so be it, But unfortunately we have grown apart to the point I just dont understand her anymore. So It would be a good idea to get some counseling

[woodsman8]

Annie, I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out as you wish.

[Sensual Woman]

What you are going through is mental abuse and there are government agencies who will help you get out of that situation and get you mental health and start a new life elsewhere

I have a controling and verbally abusive husband too, hun, and believe me, there is not as much help as there is for women who are physically abused. hun, I will keep you...and me...in my prayers. We both need it.

[OICurready4me]

It's called a .357 Magnum

[megan363]

I feel for you Annie.... be strong. I pray that you will get through this and stand on your own soon enough. We are all here for you.

[darlingcherry]

:wa: Hi everyone! Thank your for the support and the advice you all have offered, I really appreciate each of you.

I met with my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor on Friday and she confirmed my feelings, it’s also sent another red flag up for her and she is doing her best to get me out. :cry: Getting out is not so easy for me due to limited funds (not able to work due to the Chronic Fatigue); and hubby has drained our finances on his addictions to hookers, so my credit is not good and not reliable. I am on the list for housing but that can take up to three years before I get a place.


I am not giving up on myself or my life; I want a new life! I keep myself busy and focused on changing and improving the things that I can change now. To improve my Chronic Fatigue, I work out with a personal trainer once a week; (it’s free and would cost me big bucks to pay myself). I see my Victim’s of Crime Counsellor once a week to deal with the issues that have led me to this place so that I wont end up in another bad relationship or make choices based on the needs of others. I take walks on the beach, and in the warmer weather I take short hikes, and I have recently taken up photography, oh and I cant forget M&F, ;) as bad as this marriage is I have found a few enjoyable outlets that help.



Again thank you all so very much!:kk



I'm proud of you! That is amazing! Take care of yourself!

[Frenchie]

It's called a .357 Magnum

That's soo funny I was going to say get a glock! lol

Annie

FU*# HIM !

Take my advise litely as I dont know how not to be blunt and honest.

1 -Get your own lawyer not his "Pal". He's looking out for his best interest not yours, obviously you should know that by now. Get on every resource you can find for help with your counsellor.

2- Dont stay quiet about the separation, if he likes to dip his weiner in the sin bucket then he needs to man up to it. it's not your duty to make reasons for the chap. he obviously wont make any for you on his end take my word for it.

3- You are alive and well enought to see you need to make a change and that is step #1 in your recovery and beginning your new chapter in your life.

This site's an awesome place to get help and things off your chest and it helps allot.

Dont give up, Your young and have a long time to look forward too.

Good luck!

[woodsman8]

All I can say is you have to put yourself first, he has not got you best intrest at heart., if he did you would not be in the situation you are in now. You have to look out for yourself first, I hope you find peace of mind and the help it takes to move on in your life.
God Bless

[kaycee727(m)]

Annie I once knew a woman who lived in Canada and she had similar problems. She worked in a lawyers office and tried everything in her power to get government help. Canada seems alot different in their laws to handle domestic problems. She was not able to apply for any help from any government agencies for money. Which makes it really hard on you. So I wish you luck and hope it all turns out OK. I am not trying to make you more depressed just trying to help .