"Trust but Verify"

[Sylar]

Just a thought...what does it mean to you to trust someone? Reagan coined the phrase Trust but Verify when beginning the nuclear arms reduction treaties back in the 80's...on a much larger scale, how do YOU define trust?

For me, trust does not need verification. I will admit that there was a time in my life when I would say I trusted someone, but felt better when it was SHOWN to me that that trust was adequately placed. Turns out I had pretty nasty trust issues. Now, however, I trust because I choose to. I don't need or want proof. I think proof would suggest distrust, because, how can you say you trust someone, and then ask them to show you that you can?

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this...what does it mean to you to trust someone?

[richsc70]

That's a tough one Yasha. I don't know that trust implies distrust. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me is a good mantra, but in some things you can't afford to be fooled at all. Trust to me is case-sensitive, warranted by many factors and not sure it's a one size fits all, even with the same person.

[WandaRing]

:sc Good question Yasha, and one I am working on right now. I always thought I knew what trust was, but now I'm not so sure...I think I trusted way too much and too easily, the folks in here and my new "friend" is helping me to see this and to think about it---I guess I'll have an answer after some hard thinking things over. :(

[Sylar]

That's a tough one Yasha. I don't know that trust implies distrust. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me is a good mantra, but in some things you can't afford to be fooled at all. Trust to me is case-sensitive, warranted by many factors and not sure it's a one size fits all, even with the same person.

Very true...I think the issue of trust is a long travelled road. It must be tried, tested, and proven victorious. Giving it is easy...giving it a second time...not so much.

Luckily, that's not an issue with me in my life. Trust in my relationship is a cornerstone of what we have, and I am grateful for it...:D

[Torin]

ah, hell. :D Jumping on my soapbox...

"Trust but verify".... that just means that you are gonna watch every move someone makes to ENSURE they are trustworthy. THAT is not trust. That is spying.

To me, trust is everything. Trust and respect go hand in hand for me. Once I lose my trust in someone, my respect for them goes out the window.... ad so does the realtionship.

I trust others without reason or cause in the begininng, but I also listen to my intuition. If I feel I am being lied to, I will ask. And trust the answer that is given... but if I keep having to ask, and keep having that "this person is full of crap" feeling... then I will lay it all out there, and basically tell them that I have a feeling I am being lied to.

But I think to enter into a realtionship NOT trusting someone is not fair to the other person. Not every person is a liar. Many are... but you can't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

But to betray someone's trust... and snoop, or spy on them... that is dispicable in my opinion, and an automatic deal breaker.

[Sylar]

ah, hell. :D Jumping on my soapbox...

"Trust but verify".... that just means that you are gonna watch every move someone makes to ENSURE they are trustworthy. THAT is not trust. That is spying.

To me, trust is everything. Trust and respect go hand in hand for me. Once I lose my trust in someone, my respect for them goes out the window.... ad so does the realtionship.

I trust others without reason or cause in the begininng, but I also listen to my intuition. If I feel I am being lied to, I will ask. And trust the answer that is given... but if I keep having to ask, and keep having that "this person is full of crap" feeling... then I will lay it all out there, and basically tell them that I have a feeling I am being lied to.

But I think to enter into a realtionship NOT trusting someone is not fair to the other person. Not every person is a liar. Many are... but you can't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

But to betray someone's trust... and snoop, or spy on them... that is dispicable in my opinion, and an automatic deal breaker.

Couldn't agree more, baby...good post! "Trust but Verify" works for international arms control...lol...not for relationships...

[UltimateNaneki]

To trust someone, it to have total confidence in another person, with information that you shared. To know that you will never be let down or left to dry.
I have some special relationships like that. It's precious. They are hard to find,but once found they are for life.

[PunkyBob]

It's a hard question. I've become so cynical and jaded...and it's a complicated issue. I feel I've lost something important in the honesty and trust dept, but it may just be age and experience weighing in against the picture-perfect happily-ever-after fairy tale image we all secretly wish for. There are people I trust implicitly, but I have to balance that out with the understanding that circumstances may be a factor...life has a twisted sense of humor sometimes...in other words I do trust...but I don't do it blindly anymore. Naivete is wonderful before the bubble is burst, but afterwards you have to listen to those heart-wounds. Being in love...I'm assuming that's the situation we're dealing with here...is the best feeling in the world...by far...bar none...I'd rather have that than anything else...and if I'm in love, I trust. It works out half the time, as far as I can count...you have to take that chance...you just have to...nothing is guaranteed...

[Sylar]

It's a hard question. I've become so cynical and jaded...and it's a complicated issue. I feel I've lost something important in the honesty and trust dept, but it may just be age and experience weighing in against the picture-perfect happily-ever-after fairy tale image we all secretly wish for. There are people I trust implicitly, but I have to balance that out with the understanding that circumstances may be a factor...life has a twisted sense of humor sometimes...in other words I do trust...but I don't do it blindly anymore. Naivete is wonderful before the bubble is burst, but afterwards you have to listen to those heart-wounds. Being in love...I'm assuming that's the situation we're dealing with here...is the best feeling in the world...by far...bar none...I'd rather have that than anything else...and if I'm in love, I trust. It works out half the time, as far as I can count...you have to take that chance...you just have to...nothing is guaranteed...

Very well said, my friend! :55 :55

[Kevin7284]

trust implies no verification needed

[MIGHTY]

Trust can be a very sticky subject. You miss being young and nieve and trusting for the sake of being able to. As I have aged my trust has taken a different turn. I would be willing to say that I trusted most people early on until they broke it. This was until a few years ago. Now, I hate to admit it, but rather than being the person that gives trust until broken, I am now the person who one must earn complete trust with. Does that mean I have issues? Perhaps, don't we all. But, I was forced to become a "once bitten, twice shy" kind of woman. There are very few now that I trust completely, and the ones that I do know who they are......cause Hell, they are the ones who have had to walk through fire and be put through the ringer to earn it...........

[Frenchie]

I trust with an open heart but I always keep in mind that people are Human and make decisions that are completely retarded without thinking of the impact on others.

therefor I also practise forgiveness

Burn me twice and the door's over there -->

[Han Solo]

I tend to follow the "I'll give you my respect, but you have to earn my trust" philosophy. This early in the morning I'm not exactly sure how I would define it. Other than it's just something you feel and you know in your heart and mind when you've given it to someone. To me it takes time for someone to gain my trust. I really need to see how a person acts in all kinds of different situations to really feel comfortable that they have my best interests at heart or have proven to be loyal to me.

[OICurready4me]

Trust to me is something that I assume from the start. It is something that can be lost very easily but is extremely difficult to regain once lost. I look at each person in my life, whether it be a family member, friend or lover as someone that I have a certain amount of faith in and I start initially trusting each person, unless I get burned. I come from a very good family and trust each and every one of my brothers, sisters, parents, nieces, nephews, on my side of the family. On my wife's side, I have some questions, which I won't get into here but I feel they are warranted. Overall, I am a trusting person, as you can see, and in my 42 years, that has bode pretty well with me.

[Karebear3003]

Trust is a very big issue for me. I moved away from small town life when I was 21 and never looked back. I trusted foolishly, now I pay the price for that. I'll be blunt is saying that I don't trust my husband and with good cause. He doesn't feel the need to earn that trust back, so there you are. I'm working on trying to get back that self confidence I had when I was 21, out on my own and ready to conquer the world.

[scoobertina]

I think you have to trust yourself first.. before you can place trust in others.. I have been battling this since November.. not trusting myself.. not letting myself just fully let go and place some trust in someone else for a change.. of course I did place trust in my husband.. he did ok.. he took care of me and of the kids... for that I will be eternally grateful.. jeez.. that was too serious for me.. I need to go post something about sex now...

[Shafe]

Trust is a problem with me too. I'm quick to trust (really trust -- I see no reason to distrust unless I'm given a good reason to), and slow to forgive when that trust is broken even the slightest bit.

That usually ends up setting me up for a heartbreak quite nicely.

[TheTurtle]

I tend to follow the "I'll give you my respect, but you have to earn my trust" philosophy. This early in the morning I'm not exactly sure how I would define it. Other than it's just something you feel and you know in your heart and mind when you've given it to someone. To me it takes time for someone to gain my trust. I really need to see how a person acts in all kinds of different situations to really feel comfortable that they have my best interests at heart or have proven to be loyal to me.

Most of the time, in my personal life, I am one of these kind of folks, as well. It almost becomes a matter of boundaries at times. There are times when I don't want to be trusted with some very personal information; I may feel I haven't earned it, or don't want to reciprocate. I always am honored to be trusted, and sometimes ask for it. However, being rather blunt, I tend to tell you if I don't want to know. Somehow, online, it seems easier to open up or trust. Don't know if its the anonymity, or what.

[private beaches]

I tend to follow the "I'll give you my respect, but you have to earn my trust" philosophy. This early in the morning I'm not exactly sure how I would define it. Other than it's just something you feel and you know in your heart and mind when you've given it to someone. To me it takes time for someone to gain my trust. I really need to see how a person acts in all kinds of different situations to really feel comfortable that they have my best interests at heart or have proven to be loyal to me.

Han, well put- I agree w/ you! It takes me a long time to truly trust someone.

[kaycee727(m)]

hey scoob I agree with trusting yourself first. Its not the other person who isn't going to mess up it will be your own feelings that will betray your trust

[PunkyBob]

I think you have to trust yourself first.. before you can place trust in others.. I have been battling this since November.. not trusting myself.. not letting myself just fully let go and place some trust in someone else for a change.. of course I did place trust in my husband.. he did ok.. he took care of me and of the kids... for that I will be eternally grateful.. jeez.. that was too serious for me.. I need to go post something about sex now...

Yeah...without a solid basis at home...I mean within yerself...everything else just shudders on rocky ground...it's hard...there are no guarantees, no legible signpoosts...but still...I know myself pretty well (sometimes too well) and therefore I trust myself completely...usually to screw things up spectacularly!!:D

[JCDxn]

The words "Trust but Verify" are only something I use at work. I don't feel I should have to do that in my home relationships. I almost think that If I have to then something is not right.

Now so many of us are jaded or coming out of a broken or hurting relationship. I could see how we could fall into this type of thinking in our new or current relationships or ones we are building. I do agree with having to trust in one's self... But I also know that trusting someone else is a risk no matter what way you look at it. I think it is just understanding your risk and knowing if you are ready and/or willing to take it...

[Jabbuk]

I think when you first meet someone you want to trust them, but if you are like most of us, have been burned before. So anytime they tell you something you have that little doubt, until something verifies it. As time goes by and you develop the trust, you no longer need the verification. My two cents.

[WandaRing]

Just a thought...what does it mean to you to trust someone? Reagan coined the phrase Trust but Verify when beginning the nuclear arms reduction treaties back in the 80's...on a much larger scale, how do YOU define trust?

For me, trust does not need verification. I will admit that there was a time in my life when I would say I trusted someone, but felt better when it was SHOWN to me that that trust was adequately placed. Turns out I had pretty nasty trust issues. Now, however, I trust because I choose to. I don't need or want proof. I think proof would suggest distrust, because, how can you say you trust someone, and then ask them to show you that you can?

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this...what does it mean to you to trust someone?
I needed time to think about this answer because I am kind of confused about it myself when it comes to relationships. So after thinking about trust and verification, I came up with this.

To me trust is almost like an inner sense we have, it is an emotional and physical feeling we have or feel towards another person or situation. Trust is in our mind, hearts and body. We are born with these feelings but we don’t always know how to use them or use them correctly.

Verification is an action and based on someone’s facts or lack of facts, a person needs to ask questions and actively seek out the answers. For example, some employments and volunteer work you need to have a police criminal check done before you are hired. They are not going just on how they feel about you and your experiences; they want to see if you have a record, a fact that does or does not stand out about you.

In relationships, when we first meet new friends or lovers, we don’t think about verifying them, we go on feelings, a connection and our comfort level with them. We build up the trust by talking and getting to know each other.

[kaycee727(m)]

Well Annie you sure did put some thought into it. I can appreciate the part about checking someones backround ,maybe thats what we should do for relatiuonships. Carry around a resume on why our last relationship ended.

[WandaRing]

Well Annie you sure did put some thought into it. I can appreciate the part about checking someones backround ,maybe thats what we should do for relatiuonships. Carry around a resume on why our last relationship ended.
lol what can I say, it's a question going through my mind right now...there are so many risk with having a fwb----:whee:

[Sneaky]

I don't think I need to verify, I just rely on my own intuition.

I'm not suspicious by nature, and I'm pretty trusting in the way that I want to believe people in the begining....but I invest in a person & relationship slowly and test the waters. If carelessly hurt or betrayed, I will have my answer and know that the person has shown me who they are and how much more trust of mine they get. (I'm a Scorpio. I can't help it...) When my trust is violated I close down and it is EXTREAMLY difficult for me to open up to the person again, forgive and forget.

[TIGUY]

I have the habit of being too trusting in what I am told and most times I have an even disposition about it all because we are adults and no one owns anyone. My disposition seems to change with disrespect and perhaps a public display that is so unnecessary...or a combination of both...but then again...shame on me for not believing the signs that are usually there.


I'm into trust and I will sink or swim...my thoughts

[Torin]

I'm into trust and I will sink or swim...my thoughts

Damn, I like that. You just get better and better. ;)

[Jabbuk]

I needed time to think about this answer because I am kind of confused about it myself when it comes to relationships. So after thinking about trust and verification, I came up with this.

To me trust is almost like an inner sense we have, it is an emotional and physical feeling we have or feel towards another person or situation. Trust is in our mind, hearts and body. We are born with these feelings but we don’t always know how to use them or use them correctly.

Verification is an action and based on someone’s facts or lack of facts, a person needs to ask questions and actively seek out the answers. For example, some employments and volunteer work you need to have a police criminal check done before you are hired. They are not going just on how they feel about you and your experiences; they want to see if you have a record, a fact that does or does not stand out about you.

In relationships, when we first meet new friends or lovers, we don’t think about verifying them, we go on feelings, a connection and our comfort level with them. We build up the trust by talking and getting to know each other.

OK, I'm officially impressed. I like Annie's answer best.

[Lacey]

Trust is a big issue for me..........it's hard to give.....I think you earn trust

[Dir]

Trust dont need verification

[sweet]

I've been burned several times by people I love and thought I could trust. I have noticed that going through that has made me a little cautious when it comes to trusting other people. When I meet someone, it takes me a long time before I really trust that person enough to let them see the real me, and feel comfortable sharing intimate details of my life. So, I guess in a way, I do feel that people should show me that they can be trustworthy.

[WandaRing]

OK, I'm officially impressed. I like Annie's answer best.
thank you Jabbuk...all of these replies are great, honest and open answers...very helpful to all of us :D

[WandaRing]

Trust is a big issue for me..........it's hard to give.....I think you earn trust
same here Lacey and so very true...and its scary as hell to trust...too many hurts