masterbation

[Heart]

ok.....soo....we are in the bedroom....not much foreplay....just basically straight to the point....but he can NEVER finish with me....he has to masterbate....and it takes forever....after 7 years of trying to make it fun and sexy...talking about it....joining in....and feeling totally rejected....what the heck do i do?

sometimes he even leaves the room and finishes elsewhere...

[Penny]

Leaving the room would freak me out :( Make sure your satisfied and then worry about him. Do you and him have oral sex at all?

ok.....soo....we are in the bedroom....not much foreplay....just basically straight to the point....but he can NEVER finish with me....he has to masterbate....and it takes forever....after 7 years of trying to make it fun and sexy...talking about it....joining in....and feeling totally rejected....what the heck do i do?

sometimes he even leaves the room and finishes elsewhere...

[trausersnake]

Hmmmm, this sounds like a problem. He might have a physical impairment that makes it hard for him to cum. Ask him to seek the advise of a medical professional and dont be shy about it. I really do not think he is alone with the sales of cialis and others going through the roof.

[Penny]

Yeah is he using something like that? That may be why he cant climax.

[Heart]

No, he isn't using anything like that. He wants bj's all of the time but refuses to go down on me. I've asked him several times to seek a doctor's opinion but he says he will and never does. I know he likes porn and sometimes our sex life seems like a rough porn flick but he gets all of the attention and I do the work....

[Penny]

If he didnt go down on me his would be high and dry. One thing you may want to try is flavored lube. I got this blueberry stuff and my husband keeps telling me he wants blueberry pie all the time now :gs

[Torin]

Wow, how sad hon... ((((((((hug)))))))))

In my first marriage, I had a very similar situation... and then he came out of he closet. I'm not saying your hubby is gay... but I think sexual dysfunction this extreme does indicate a problem, ya know? I would try to get him to talk to someone.

My heart breaks for you that you are going through this, hon!!!!!!! :hug:

[WandaRing]

Have you tried talking with him about why he leaves and where he goes and what he does to make himself climax? It can be shyness, a medical problem or a bunch of other things, but they would all be guesses and you'll never know unless you ask him straight out, only he knows the answers.

You have to tell him how it makes you feel when he leaves you during your time of intimacy to go and masturbate on his own. He may not know or understand how hurtful it is unless you confront him, give him a chance to explain and work on it together...when you are a couple it's not just about one person, what affects him effects you, and viceversa.

Take a deep breathe and when you both have some quiet time, approach it gentley but dont allow him to not anwser...not matter how hard it is for him.
Best of luck.

[RedVixen]

I'm sorry you have to go through this heartbroken :sry

Until your husband goes to see a doctor or therapist, things obviously aren't going to improve. All I know is that if he's not willing to satisfy your needs, I wouldn't be satisfying his.

[Sweetdreams069]

Just can't understand why some guys don't like to go down on their gals. Nothing better if you ask me.
Yeah I think you should both seek a medical opinion on your problem.

[Denny422]

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions already, but I'll throw a couple more out for you.

You specifically mentioned he watches porno and your sex life kind of reflects it. There's a very good chance that's the whole problem. If he's expecting that kind of scenario or level of "service" every time, he's obviously going to be disappointed. You, being a human woman, are obviously not going to be able to perform to that level constantly, but he doesn't understand that. By the same token, if he's watching that all the time and masturbating at the same time, he may have conditioned himself to the point he has to have THAT exact kind of stimulation. I've read case studies of such things, but it's usually something more severe than just a 'hand job'. Something to look into.

Also if he is taking any prescription meds some of them could have that kind of side effect. Just some things to check.

Hope it gets better for you.

[Kissie]

HeartBroken...I am truly sorry you are going through any of this...I dont know how long any of this has been going on in your life...but do you think any of it could be from the stress of knowing that he was going to have to go over to Kosovo???? It does lay a big strain on the guys...worrying about there families...
I am in no way sticking up for him...you already know what I said to you earlier....
But always remember you have to do what is right for you....
And if my man didnt go down on me...and wanted BJ's all the time I would shut that shit off in a heartbeat!!!!!!!
You take care of you and them little ones!!!!!

[cherokeered]

Wow, can relate to the hubby not going down on you...my hubby wouldn't so i stopped...ya get what ya give....
have you tried mutual masturbation??....and yeh, too much porn can be a problem...it can make you not relate to real people in a sexual way...if he was heavily into it before the marriage, he may have a problem that will require therapy.....
I hope things work out for you both...I think you need to talk about it openly and honestly....let him know it bothers you.....

[LuckyJest]

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions already, but I'll throw a couple more out for you.

You specifically mentioned he watches porno and your sex life kind of reflects it. There's a very good chance that's the whole problem. If he's expecting that kind of scenario or level of "service" every time, he's obviously going to be disappointed. You, being a human woman, are obviously not going to be able to perform to that level constantly, but he doesn't understand that. By the same token, if he's watching that all the time and masturbating at the same time, he may have conditioned himself to the point he has to have THAT exact kind of stimulation. I've read case studies of such things, but it's usually something more severe than just a 'hand job'. Something to look into.

Also if he is taking any prescription meds some of them could have that kind of side effect. Just some things to check.

Hope it gets better for you.

Insightful...For me, my limited daliances with porn have been a hinderance to connecting emotionally with my wife... I try and for the very most part avoid pornography... Now pornography for the mind, like the fun and games HERE, has been GOOD for me... Good Luck Kiddo.

[scoobertina]

ok.....soo....we are in the bedroom....not much foreplay....just basically straight to the point....but he can NEVER finish with me....he has to masterbate....and it takes forever....after 7 years of trying to make it fun and sexy...talking about it....joining in....and feeling totally rejected....what the heck do i do?

sometimes he even leaves the room and finishes elsewhere...

I can't imagine this... I can't understand it and I really, really think you need to talk to him about it.. he needs to understand how you feel about it... and you need to know why he feels he has to leave the room... I think he needs to understand why he leaves the room too...