Previous joke thread

[Wet Beaver]

HEY HEY....dont make me put u over my knee..and put yall in seperate corners

that could be a lot of fun......:gs, but we both would losed

[Waltert]

Is the winner of this game the Winner or the LOSER?

[Sandy]

sorry baby, i love you, but i'm not going without for you. :sex :D

[Waltert]

Do not you want to win the GAME!



sorry baby, i love you, but i'm not going without for you. :sex :D

[Sandy]

hell no not if i have to give up :sex i don't lol:D

[Cotties]

It depends how big the orgasm is when you do finally pop..Is the winner of this game the Winner or the LOSER?

[Cotties]

How you doin Princess? I'm up to day 3..

My wife did go to sleep in a very small thong last night.. lucky I was asleep when she came home..

[Sandy]

lmao :D

[kissiemybuttie]

well hell have we started yet???? I am trying to hold out but between Spare and my vibrators calling my name i dont think i am going to last verylong.....OMG...Spare....stop whispering sweet nothings in my ear....wow is it hot in here or is it just me???????

[spare_change]

well hell have we started yet???? I am trying to hold out but between Spare and my vibrators calling my name i dont think i am going to last verylong.....OMG...Spare....stop whispering sweet nothings in my ear....wow is it hot in here or is it just me???????

I wasn't whispering -- I was gasping for air!!! You ought to see the view from HERE!!!!

[kissiemybuttie]

are you veiwing my butterfly?????? And do you like it????

[spare_change]

are you veiwing my butterfly?????? And do you like it????

Yep!!! And it tastes good, too !!!

[kissiemybuttie]

hmm eatting my butterfly are ya????

[Norfolkdave]

yall are making this hard...all you need to know about how to play is that you cant have sex or masturbate......and we play untill there's only one person left holding out......

Im playing as I havent indulged in hyper activity for 7 years I could be the last man standing, so come on girl get the ball rolling. LOL:lmao

[skybird]

Actually I have not been told. I got this from a friend. :knuddel:

Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.

Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put, our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we will not miss a call from someone we did not want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[Norfolkdave]

Well my friend, No 4 I think is indiscriminating against the disabled and I being that think thats sick

[Norfolkdave]

And in England

British people are polite. Maybe even too polite. They don't readily question in public. British people queue everywhere. At the bus stop, at the shop counter and at the bank. Be patient when you enter a shop or post office - you have to wait your turn. It takes as long as it takes. It truly is 'first-come-first served'.

Don't expect a long conversation with a total stranger at the bus stop or in the bus. Conversations are short. 'Nice weather today' or 'The bus is late today'.

In the countryside and further north you will find people more open and talkative, they seem to have more time to be friendly.

British people play by the rules. Park your car at the proper parking spot. Don't dare to use two bays at a time. British people will not tell you personally, but they will talk loud enough to their partner to let you know that you did something wrong. Similarly, people expect you to obey signs such as 'Amenity area only. No ball games'.

Be polite and respectful at all times to the elderly. Open the door for them. Offer them a seat in a full bus. Help an elderly lady to cross the road if she asks you.

Do wait at the door of a restaurant to be seated at a table. If there is a particular spot you prefer, you may politely ask the waiter if that table is available.

Britons are quite punctual. If you agree to meet friends at three o'clock, you can bet that they'll be there just after three. If you are invited to someone's house for dinner at half past seven, they will not expect you to be there on the dot.

Even young children are expected to eat properly with knife and fork. It definitely is not done to use your hands while eating, except maybe at McDonald's or when eating sandwiches!

In general British people are quite reserved when greeting one another. Greeting can be a bright 'Hello' or 'Good morning', On entering a full room of people, Britons don't shake hands or greet everyone in the room. They don't expect you to do it either. It is not rude, it's just how it is.

When you are invited at a Wedding/Christening or Christmas Party, quite often you have to pay for your own drinks.

You will find Britons friendly and helpful.
They won't take you by the hand, but they will give loads of tips

So, being polite and patient are ways of getting a lot done in the UK.:lf

[skybird]

Well my friend, No 4 I think is indiscriminating against the disabled and I being that think thats sick

Eh? Number four is all about food, my friend. I don't think the Americans are discriminated in a such that until my last diet attempt I was stuffing food in my face at the same rate. :rofl1:

[Norfolkdave]

Eh? Number four is all about food, my friend. I don't think the Americans are discriminated in a such that until my last diet attempt I was stuffing food in my face at the same rate. :rofl1:

Because your question looked like the whole post it was mistook, well no 3. then is in this country classed as discrimination, but I know your going to say "its in amercia" :lmao

[Sandy]

lol its sad that is very true you know ?

[Norfolkdave]

lol its sad that is very true you know ?

It used to be very similar, but new laws were introduced to give the disabled a chance, and now thats illegal. If I wanted to pursue even the slightest thing I could, but so much red tape and courts its not worth it, but I do stand my ground if I know im right on something, disabled or not.;)

[skybird]

Because your question looked like the whole post it was mistook, well no 3. then is in this country classed as discrimination, but I know your going to say "its in amercia" :lmao

Heck I've got news for you Dave. Where I come from the damn drugs are situated at the back of the pharmacy. :hitit:

[Norfolkdave]

Heck I've got news for you Dave. Where I come from the damn drugs are situated at the back of the pharmacy. :hitit:

Have wheelchair will travel and I just love to play knock down skittles, funny though we too have stores like that, alot of people in Fakenham now limp:lmao

[Sandy]

i know dav. my mother is disabled, its not fair at all

[Norfolkdave]

i know dav. my mother is disabled, its not fair at all

I dont mean this the wrong way with the word used............Life is a bitch, but I get by like your mum proberly, all it takes is a little longer, but some people can be cruel, to me I shrug it off and try to take each day as it comes, I think thats why I banter quite a bit on here, keeping peoples chins up and generally making a nuisance sometimes.

[skybird]

Have wheelchair will travel and I just love to play knock down skittles, funny though we too have stores like that, alot of people in Fakenham now limp:lmao


:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

A lot limp now;)

[Shiane]

America, Why I Love Her

Written by John Mitchum
Poet/Actor





You ask me why I love her? Well, give me time, and I'll explain...
Have you seen a Kansas sunset or an Arizona rain?
Have you drifted on a bayou down Louisiana way?
Have you watched the cold fog drifting over San Francisco Bay?
Have you heard a Bobwhite calling in the Carolina pines?
Or heard the bellow of a diesel in the Appalachia mines?Does the call of Niagara thrill you when you hear her waters roar?

Do you look with awe and wonder at a Massachusetts shore...
Where men who braved a hard new world, first stepped on Plymouth Rock?
And do you think of them when you stroll along a New York City dock ?
Have you seen a snowflake drifting in the Rockies...way up high?
Have you seen the sun come blazing down from a bright Nevada sky?
Do you hail to the Columbia as she rushes to the sea...
Or bow your head at Gettysburg...in our struggle to be free?
Have you seen the mighty Tetons? ...Have you watched an eagle soar?
Have you seen the Mississippi roll along Missouri's shore?
Have you felt a chill at Michigan, when on a winters day,
Her waters rage along the shore in a thunderous display?
Does the word "Aloha"... make you warm?
Do you stare in disbelief When you see the surf come roaring in at Waimea reef?
From Alaska's gold to the Everglades...from the Rio Grande to Maine...
My heart cries out... my pulse runs fast at the might of her domain.
You ask me why I love her?... I've a million reasons why.
My beautiful America... beneath Gods' wide, wide sky.

[spare_change]

Ok --- you got me. Nicely done.

[Norfolkdave]

Ok --- you got me. Nicely done.

Now that has to be a first post for you, note it in the diary guys, Spares lost for words..LOL:lmao

[Sandy]

thas was a beauty, thanks for sharing. :wa:

[Norfolkdave]

I give you a toast Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you a toast Ladies and gentlemen
May this fair land we love so well,
In Dignity and freedom dwell.
while worlds may change and go awry,
Whilst there is still one voice to cry!---
There'll always be an England,
While there's a country lane.
Wherever there's a cottage small
Beside a field of grain
There'll always be an England
While there's a busy street.
Wherever there's a turning wheel
A million marching feet.
Red, white and blue
What does it mean to you?
Surely you're proud
Shout it loud
Britons awake!
The Empire too
We can depend on you.
Freedom remains
These are the chains
Nothing can break.
There'll always be an England
And England shall be free
If England means as much to you
As England means to me.
:wa:

[GeekMaster]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

[Sandy]

lmao good one :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

LOL man brilliant

[skybird]

A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humpin'. The son turns to his dad and asks, “Dad what are those dogs doing?” The dad says, “Son I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life, what them dogs are doing is…”

The father can't do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, “Son them two dogs are…” He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.

“Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home.” The son turns to his father and says, “You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn.” The dad asks, “Do you know why that is, son?”

The son replies, “Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed.”

[skybird]

Still living at home, bored, and expecting to inherit a fortune
when his sickly widower father died, Robert decided he
needed a woman to keep him company.

So he went to a singles bar, and he searched until he spotted
a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "Right now, I'm
just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but
within a month or two, my father will pass away, and I'll inherit
over 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Robert
that same night.

And four days later, she became his stepmother.

Some men never learn!

[skybird]

Here's a poem I wrote a while back.

My little nestlings are leaving me
They spread their wings and flew
And we, the old birds,are left alone
Oh how I feel so blue

I always knew this day would come
When they would leave me
but right now I feel some tears
it is hard for me to see

Fly my little nestlings
Fly and scrape the sky
Fly my birds goodbye
But remember dears
that there are also hawks
Flying in the bye

And now we are alone in our nest
At least we are together
Hold me tight and don't let me go
Don't worry honey
I know I love you so

Fly my little nestlings
Fly and scrape the sky
Fly my birds ,goodbye
But remember dears
that there are also hawks
Flying in the bye

I know that this is nature
I myself have left a nest
But I feel I choke in my throat
I did what was best

Fly my little nestlings
Fly and scrape the sky
Fly my birds goodbye
But remember dears
that there are also hawks
Flying in the bye

[skybird]

There I lie on my back
watching clouds go by
seas of winds pass me on my face
and butterflys utilise the energies
that was offered from the sky
I see a dragon, then a dog
And a wagon that pass me by
On the sea of my imagination

I close my eyes and drift in wander
Then from a distance I hear a thunder
Those clouds have darkened their rage
and nature has turned the page
to a gloomy and withering state
of what echos in my mind
on the sea of my imagination

I pick myself up to a standing position
and head towards the home of my tradition
see the brown leaves
falling from the trees
raindrops wet my curly hair
people stood and stare
on the sea of my imagination

I wave a goodbye
no one answers
I don't know why
their faces angry as I go by
Expectations from a cloudy day
has been interrupted to a gray situation
on the sea of my imagination.

[skybird]

She comes to me with her scented fragrant
flying over my head with a defiant
look on her knowing face
"What do you know?"I ask my lady
"Am I so shallow? I cannot escape your view,"
And she leadith me to the corner of her empty room
A bed, a chair and a carpet loomed
lying on the floor
Then she leaves me to my self and as I look around
I notice a faint yonder sound
Coming from outside the window
My curiosity bites my hollow mind
Am I going blind?
The window was a picture of the future
Doomed doomed to wither and rot
She touched me and I freezed on the spot
"It's alright." said she with a smile
"I left you just for a while
Come dance with me my silly fool."
I grabbed her by the waist
and said "That's cool."

[Jy]

Wow Skybird!! You are so talented! Thank you for sharing a piece of your soul with all of us here. I for one feel honoured.

[skybird]

Thanks Jugs. I am happy. This one is called "The Queen Of Soho"

Yet, my love
Where have we met?
In space? On land? Don't know yet
But I seek thee, my erotic dream
To me you seem
Like a torrent yet to be free.

And what do you need?
Oh Queen of Soho
My eyes sqwint as I enter my seed
Inside of thee, ho ho ho ho
I arch my back and see thy dragon
Riding on the trail pulling a wagon

Love of my days
I see you in a haze
but as I grasp your waist
and draw thee to me I taste
Your lips fresh like a flower
full of life and power.

[skybird]

While the skies embrace you
and the trees bend and face you
the winds call your name
yet we feel the same
ho the birds chirp their song
as we sing along
a mellow tune that rhymes
in our minds
We'll always remember your sublime
nature, character and time.

[Trev]

Subject: Guts vs. Balls


The difference between 'guts' and 'balls':

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."


The difference between 'friendships':

Friendship among women: A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's ten best friends. None of them know about it.

Friendship among men: A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's ten best friends. Eight of them say he slept over. Two claim he's still there.

[italian_princess0420]

Is the winner of this game the Winner or the LOSER?

the winner...lol

[italian_princess0420]

hummmm we all been at it for what 3 days now..and no one gave up yet...well sandy did...U SUCK....anyways...how is everyone doin...and yes the LAST ONE left is the WINNER....and yes, the game has started as of 3 days ago

[Barkiss]

Subject: Guts vs. Balls


The difference between 'guts' and 'balls':

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."


The difference between 'friendships':

Friendship among women: A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's ten best friends. None of them know about it.

Friendship among men: A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's ten best friends. Eight of them say he slept over. Two claim he's still there.

:lmao

[Trev]

you might just be an all around loser

[bonzzz4292]

you better pipe down there itallian p i will put over my knee and well we all know the rest of that.:rofl1:

[Waltert]

He sounds serious you better listen

[italian_princess0420]

ewwwww...get away from me...."swats at mark"...err crap ryan anit here again....hes never around when im being picked on...:cry:

[italian_princess0420]

He sounds serious you better listen\


like im scared of him...shoot...ill kick his butt one handed:nu

[tiger50]

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself, you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamnics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal, you have discovered the secret of anti-gravity!! A buttered cat, will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter-repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modifed by scraping off some of the butter - providing lift; or - removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilised species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary sytem. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet.

Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing, several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.

[skybird]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and
played golf a lot and drank beer and belched whenever he wanted.

The End

[skybird]

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of
> working
> overtime. An angel appeared and said,
>
> "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
>
> And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has
> to
> be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable
> parts,
> all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a
> lap
> that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure
> anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and she will do
> everything with only two hands."
>
> The angel was astounded at the requirements.
>
> "Only two hands!? No way!
>
> And that's just on the standard model?
>
> That's too much work for one day.
>
> Wait until tomorrow to finish."
>
> But I won't," the Lord protested.
>
> "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own
> heart.
>
> She already heals herself when she is sick
>
> AND can work 18 hour days."
>
> The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
>
> "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
>
> "She is soft," the Lord agreed,
>
> "but I have also made her tough.
>
> You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
>
> "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
>
> The Lord replied,
>
> "Not only will she be able to think,
>
> she will be able to reason and negotiate."
>
> The angel then noticed something,
>
> and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
>
> "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
>
> I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
>
> "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
>
> "What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
>
> The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
>
> her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
>
> her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
>
> The angel was impressed.
>
> "You are a genius, Lord.
>
> You thought of everything!
>
> Woman is truly amazing."
>
> And she is!
>
Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

So you birdy ladies don't forget that you are priceless. Donot forget that you are G-d's masterpiece and that you are worth the whole universe.

[skybird]

Here are the top 10 signs you may be an Internet Geek...

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications".

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

[Waltert]

I'll help protect you



ewwwww...get away from me...."swats at mark"...err crap ryan anit here again....hes never around when im being picked on...:cry:

[Norfolkdave]

protect who, i,ll protect

[Sandy]

awwwwwwwwwwww thank you skybird, that was really :kk :wa: y sweet.

[Annie]

Wow! Thanks for that Skybird, you just warmed up my cold winter day!

[Trev]

Very good.

[Norfolkdave]

LOL man I nearly fell asleep reading it...heh heh heh

[italian_princess0420]

yeah yeah yeah...i can fight for myself...."ryyyyan!!!"...jk:D

[sweetgapeach]

Thought it was a good idea saw it on another site,interesting to see where the words lead!!
I'll start off with a Word and just put another Word that you associate with that Word.





Breathtaking

[Sandy]

beautiful is this right ?

:wa:

[sweetgapeach]

Yes!!

Diamonds

[Barkiss]

women

[Sandy]

men

[Barkiss]

boys

[sweetgapeach]

baseball

[Barkiss]

homerun

[sweetgapeach]

cheering

[SDS351]

fans

[Barkiss]

stadium

[SDS351]

Football

[Barkiss]

autumn

[SDS351]

Fall

[gradof68]

leaves

[SDS351]

Trees

[Trackcoach]

Secluded

[Barkiss]

discreet

[SDS351]

Desert

[Trackcoach]

safe

[SDS351]

Bank

[Barkiss]

money

[Trackcoach]

future

[SDS351]

Past

[Barkiss]

present

[Trackcoach]

truant

[Sandy]

christmas

[Barkiss]

snow

[SDS351]

Gift

[Sandy]

christmas lights

[Trackcoach]

flashing ;)

[Sandy]

boobs............:D

[sweetgapeach]

nipples

[Trackcoach]

heaven!

[Barkiss]

hell

[sweetgapeach]

fire

[Trackcoach]

brimstone

[Waltert]

Good for you, just let me know if you need any help

[gradof68]

ice

[sweetgapeach]

shiver

[Barkiss]

cuddle

[sweetgapeach]

kisses

[Barkiss]

hugs

[sweetgapeach]

touches

[Barkiss]

massages

[sweetgapeach]

skin

[gradof68]

soft

[Trackcoach]

silk

[sweetgapeach]

lace

[gradof68]

Class

[sweetgapeach]

Elegant

[SDS351]

School

[sweetgapeach]

teenager

[gradof68]

confused

[surfnchat]

dazed

[gradof68]

enlightened

[Annie]

blind

[Sandy]

dress

[surfnchat]

legs

[Annie]

hips

[zapher60]

Bones

[gradof68]

joints

[Trackcoach]

bars

[gradof68]

drinks

[Trackcoach]

swallows

[sweetgapeach]

spits

[Trackcoach]

cowboy...

[Wet Beaver]

tobacco

[Annie]

addiction

[Wet Beaver]

sex....

[Annie]

more

[zapher60]

:lmao :lmao :lmao ... my wife to a tee.

[Annie]

The Blonde Guy

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage again??!! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

[zapher60]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr zeeeeeeee

[Trackcoach]

please

[Jy]

begging

[Trackcoach]

teasing

[sweetgapeach]

begging

[Trev]

help

[Trackcoach]

friends

[Jy]

desperate

[Jy]

Oops! mine was supposed to show up after help!



I'll reply to friends then....
loyal

[Trev]

family

[Barkiss]

memories

[Trev]

pictures

[Barkiss]

photographs

[sweetgapeach]

life

[Barkiss]

breath

[sweetgapeach]

moist

[Barkiss]

wet

[sweetgapeach]

vigina

[Barkiss]

honey

[sweetgapeach]

dripping

[Barkiss]

thirsty

[sweetgapeach]

starved

[Barkiss]

enticing

[sweetgapeach]

arousing

[Barkiss]

lusting

[Trev]

women

[sweetgapeach]

erotic

[Penny]

sexy

[Barkiss]

sexy...ooops Penny got it before me...


nudity

[sweetgapeach]

openess

[Barkiss]

sharing

[sweetgapeach]

experancing

[Barkiss]

understanding

[MCat]

learning

[sweetgapeach]

teaching

[Barkiss]

educating

[MCat]

Married & Flirting

[Sandy]

wild

[tulsasurgeon]

exhilerating

[Barkiss]

breath-taking

[tulsasurgeon]

erotic risk taking

[Annie]

secrets

[tulsasurgeon]

Today's mom is someone's Milf Tommorrow

[Trackcoach]

enchanting

[tulsasurgeon]

Bend over momma

[Sandy]

spanking

[tulsasurgeon]

Mommie,,teach me?




spanking

[tulsasurgeon]

Mommie

[Sandy]

daddy

[tulsasurgeon]

milf

[tulsasurgeon]

ornery

[skybird]

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, U.S.A., they decided to send it to the President.

The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God which read:

Dear God: thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.

[skybird]

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini-van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry" Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather improves, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, so the two men went to the barn and settled in for the night. Next morning, the weather had cleared, and they continued on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"

"Yes, I do".

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes" Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did".

"And did you maybe tell her my name instead of yours?"

Bob's face turned red and he said: "Yeah, sorry buddy. I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything".

[skybird]

Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Trust everybody . . . then cut the cards.

Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves.

Summer must be over. My neighbor just returned my lawn furniture.

If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, then you are all right.

It's good to question authority, but not mine.

Love doesn't really make the world go round, but it makes the ride worthwhile.

Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.

A retired husband is a wife's full time job.

Heredity is something parents comfortably believe in, if they have a bright child.

Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!

Happiness is the place between too little and too much.

Circular arguments often make the rounds.

Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room.

When in doubt. . . mumble.

Money can't buy everything . .but then again, neither can no money.

[MCat]

ornery

PMS

[Waltert]

Run

[Annie]

Walk

[Gentleman]

wanting/desiring

[Sandy]

lovemaking

[Waltert]

wife

[Sandy]

husband

[Waltert]

Run

[Sandy]

skip

[Annie]

rope

[Sandy]

jump

[Waltert]

fun

[Annie]

skydive

[Waltert]

free

[Annie]

priceless

[Waltert]

braless

[Sandy]

crystal

[Waltert]

clear

[Sandy]

water

[Waltert]

land

[Annie]

air

[Waltert]

fresh

[Sandy]

salt water

[Annie]

Taffy

[Sandy]

candy

[Annie]

Chocolate!

[Sandy]

cashews

[Waltert]

Nuts !!!!!

[sweetgapeach]

Salty

[Sandy]

boiled peanuts

[Waltert]

water

[sweetgapeach]

Wetness

[Waltert]

juicy

[sweetgapeach]

Refreshing

[Waltert]

calm

[sweetgapeach]

Relaxing

[Gentleman]

i dont like boiled peanuts, does that make me a bad person?

[Waltert]

cuddle

[sweetgapeach]

Intimate

[Waltert]

warm

[sweetgapeach]

Safe

[Waltert]

wonderful

[Gentleman]

I remember that, its what you do before you get married... and, darn, I miss it

[Waltert]

bride

[sweetgapeach]

New

[Waltert]

exciting

[Gentleman]

if i ever get there again, ill be eternally grateful.

[Waltert]

dumps

[sweetgapeach]

exciting


Explosive

[Annie]

orgasm

[sweetgapeach]

Moaning

[Annie]

Pleasure

[sweetgapeach]

erotic

[Annie]

poetry

[sweetgapeach]

emotional

[surfnchat]

caring

[Waltert]

holding

[surfnchat]

caressing

[Annie]

Kissing

[gradof68]

life