Useless Information

[tiger50]

Years ago, where i worked , we created a book of totally useless information.
It ended up as a lot of fun to see what was in there .
Soooo post your useless information here.
I'll start with a couple

A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and then sinking to the bottom.

[Zpanther]

Excellent thread Tiger. I've always tried to learn at least one new thing every day. But I've got so damn much useless information in my brain that I need to occasionally download a little of it to make room to upload the new stuff. (I may not have quite as many functional brian cells as I used to either). :(

Pigs have the longest orgasms of any living thing (I think it's about 8 minutes... must have already downloaded that part).

[Cotties]

yOUR RIGHT testicle should be lower than your left testi if you are right handed:wa:

[spare_change]

nowTHAT avatar I like, cotties!!!

[Zpanther]

nowTHAT avatar I like, cotties!!!

You're right Spare. That IS useless information.

(But I like it too Cotties)

[juli55]

The electric chair was invented by a dentist

[Norfolkdave]

Giraffe's tongues are 22 inches long and black with pink dots.

[tiger50]

Most lipsticks contain fish scales

[tiger50]

The average human body contains enough iron to make a 7.62 cm nail

[Cotties]

Men use to take their wives and daughters to the doctor when they were being hysterical so the doctor could give them an orgasm and calm them down. The doctors hands and fingers were getting so sore from women coming back everyday. So what they did was invent the vibrator to assist in helping women relax and leave their husbands alone.

I think it was a Boston doctor.

[Shiane]

Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle.

[Shiane]

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

[Cotties]

funnnny:D Turtles can breathe through their butts.

[tiger50]

Men use to take their wives and daughters to the doctor when they were being hysterical so the doctor could give them an orgasm and calm them down. The doctors hands and fingers were getting so sore from women coming back everyday. So what they did was invent the vibrator to assist in helping women relax and leave their husbands alone.

I think it was a Boston doctor.

lol good one, and yeh the avatar is cool,,,, mmmm as good as marycats..... :lmao :lmao :lmao

[Krazi0469]

Coca-cola was originally green (dunno if thats true or not.... found it on a useless info site)

[Annie]

Giraffe's tongues are 22 inches long and black with pink dots.

The giraffe's tongue is also prehensile.

[sweetgapeach]

Giraffe's tongues are 22 inches long and black with pink
dots.


22 inches !! Wow !!

[Barkiss]

22 inches !! Wow !!

He's got nothing on me ;)

[Norfolkdave]

The giraffe's tongue is also prehensile.


prehensile. the meaning please!:lf

[firefly]

He's got nothing on me ;)

They're talking length.....not height. ;)

[sweetgapeach]

He's got nothing on me ;)



You are right about that , Baby !!

[firefly]

prehensile. the meaning please!:lf

Prehensile:

Adapted for seizing, grasping, or holding, especially by wrapping around an object: a monkey's prehensile tail.

[Barkiss]

They're talking length.....not height. ;)

Oh..my bad...:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

You can't fold of piece of paper in half more than 7 times. Don't believe me? Try it.

[Norfolkdave]

Prehensile:

Adapted for seizing, grasping, or holding, especially by wrapping around an object: a monkey's prehensile tail.





"Wow " very brainy I must say thankyou

[Norfolkdave]

Oh..my bad...:lmao


Size is material for grip then:lmao

[Cotties]

so what makes up the rest of the length in my penis. brain matter:D The average human body contains enough iron to make a 7.62 cm nail

[sweetgapeach]

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH

[tiger50]

guys, guys, ang on a bit, this is my thread and the rules are....
1. there are no rules
2. you must post a bit of useless information
3. in the event of a personal death, where the autopsy determines the cause of death to be LMFAO, then the relatives of the deceased must post a piece of totally useless information, Lest the said relative of the deceased be eternally condemed to eternal flirtship...
4. If all rules fail then rule #1 applies...

:lmao :) :wa: :kk

[Cotties]

I don't use toilet paper, I use a high powered bathroom hose. If I don't concentrate it has a tendency to open up my inner self.

[tiger50]

Bluddie ell mate , an enema?????

[sweetgapeach]

I don't use toilet paper, I use a high powered bathroom hose. If I don't concentrate it has a tendency to open up my inner self.


OMG :lmao

[Wet Beaver]

Dolplins are the only other mamals besides humans that have sex for fun.

[Wet Beaver]

In Saudi Arabia, a woman reportedly may divorce her husband if he does not keep her supplied with coffee.

[Norfolkdave]

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

They have to to keep an eye on us

[tiger50]

Pox (or otherwise known as galloping knob rot) originated among skate fish.

[pastryman]

today in history

1943 - World's largest office building Pentagon completed

[romancer522000]

January 23 2006 there will be a federal election in Canada !!! I think this fits in this category !!!!
:lmao

[Cotties]

The spirm count of an average American male compared to 30years ago is down 30%.

Glad I'm an Aussie

[Sinjin Kane]

Good day Mate!
Are you saying Americans have to many shrimps on the bar-B? ha ha

*80 percent of all satistics used in a heated arguement are made up on the spot.

[Jy]

That's right honey, and so do all the party leaders and their campaign platforms!


January 23 2006 there will be a federal election in Canada !!! I think this fits in this category !!!!
:lmao

[tiger50]

Swans are the only birds with penises

[Cotties]

Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S states.

[spare_change]

54% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce.

But, that's the good news. The rest end in death.

[Cotties]

No war has ever been fought where both countries have a Mcdonalds.:sc

[Wet Beaver]

The international dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

[Wet Beaver]

no wonder i don't like them...yuck

The word "Avacado" is derived from the Spanish word "aguacate" which is derived from "ahuacatl" meaning testicle. Yum.

[Wet Beaver]

G-spot
is actually an abbrevation of Grafenberg-spot, named after the German gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg who first drew attention to it.

[Wet Beaver]

Some weird animal sex facts:

The desert rat mates up to 122 times an hour.

The male tick doesn’t have a penis so instead he pokes around the female’s vagina with his nose. When her opening is large enough, he turns around and deposits sperm from his rear on to the entrance of her orifice. He then uses his nose to push the sperm deeper into the vagina.

Male bees die after mating with the queen bee. Their penises break off.

The female praying mantis eats her partner after sex…and sometimes during sex. During copulation she hooks her deadly arms around him and starts to nibble away. His sex drive is so strong that he can carry on even while being eaten.

[Wet Beaver]

In Florida, it is illegal to have sexual relations with porcupines – in case you were thinking of it.

[Zpanther]

How about beavers?

[Wet Beaver]

don't go to bozeman


Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they're nude


and don't let lady P dance in Helena


A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing

[Wet Beaver]

How about beavers?

you have to go to canada for beavers.....:na

[Zpanther]

don't go to bozeman


Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they're nude


and don't let lady P dance in Helena


A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing

She know about that....... They've already been in with their scales and checked her. She was 2 ounces over........ but most of that was the coin belt

[Wet Beaver]

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)


they should open this up for women......:(

[Barkiss]

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)


they should open this up for women......:(

When you traveling to VA? I'm getting my license now!!! ;)

[Wet Beaver]

i was just there....i won't be back for a while.....

[Wet Beaver]

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts



In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds

[Zpanther]

i was just there....i won't be back for a while.....

I sure hope you were wearing your corset.......

[Barkiss]

i was just there....i won't be back for a while.....

They say the law carries with you even when you leave statelines....I'll be in CA next week for your inspection/examination...;)

[Wet Beaver]

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.

[Wet Beaver]

They say the law carries with you even when you leave statelines....I'll be in CA next week for your inspection/examination...;)

lol.........most women in ca, don't know what a corset is...let alone how to wear one.....

[Barkiss]

lol.........most women in ca, don't know what a corset is...let alone how to wear one.....

Even better...makes my findings that much more enjoyable..;)

[Wet Beaver]

Dave and Lena becareful



It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.

[Wet Beaver]

Even better...makes my findings that much more enjoyable..;)

just start in south central L.A.:gs

[Barkiss]

just start in south central L.A.:gs

:lmao I had San Diego on the mind ;)...weather is much nicer

[Wet Beaver]

ohh ok....start on 2nd street......:na

[Waltert]

boy - WE are full of useless information.

So does that make us USELESS?

[Zpanther]

Once you get to the Gold Club, the number of posts is .............. useless information.

[Norfolkdave]

Dave and Lena becareful



It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.

Now I know why my wife is celibate...LOl

[tiger50]

The modern flushing toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper

[spare_change]

Oneirogmophobia is the fear of wet dreams.

[Wet Beaver]

Oneirogmophobia is the fear of wet dreams.

do you have them offten??

[spare_change]

do you have them offten??

Nope -- i'm afraid of them!

[SirFox]

The modern flushing toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper

TIGER; That is not useless really. The idea of doing it in a hole like you do it in the country without toilet paper makes me thank Thomas Crapper..and I do enjoy crapping on a modern toilet.

Kiss Mir Crapper for me, okay`for my ass is now resting on an "O" instead of a hole.

[Zpanther]

The South Australian Cave Crickett is the only living being that eats it's own legs.

[Cotties]

I don't think Tiger uses a hole Foxx. They say in the country it's a waste of good fertiliser. As for the toilet paper I think he finds a tree and rubs up against it. They call it being one with nature!:sc TIGER; That is not useless really. The idea of doing it in a hole like you do it in the country without toilet paper makes me thank Thomas Crapper..and I do enjoy crapping on a modern toilet.

Kiss Mir Crapper for me, okay`for my ass is now resting on an "O" instead of a hole.

[firefly]

I don't think Tiger uses a hole Foxx. They say in the country it's a waste of good fertiliser. As for the toilet paper I think he finds a tree and rubs up against it. They call it being one with nature!:sc

Now that would be a painful spot for splinters! :(

[Cotties]

Painful is the Australian outback and going to the toilet. I go for a wonder to find a tree to take some leaves to wipe my butt. Take my pants off so I don't get messy. Squat down and do my bussiness and look out for monster ants. Reach behind and start to wipe my crack. The oil from the eucolyptus tree starts to sting my ring. Then turns into the burning ring of fire. I mean severe discomfort.I thought a scorpian bit my asshole. The nearest dam is about 500 metres {a third of a mile or something} away. So off I run with no pants and a burning ass screaming for help. Later my friend informed me that eucolptus trees are no good as toilet paper.

sorry I just had a flashback and wrote it down

opps this is the wrong page.. that was useful info

[Cotties]

Polar bears are left handed

[Norfolkdave]

Are you clever

FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky maths. Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
FOURTH QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second.
Q2. Can you please explain how you can overtake the LAST person?
Q3 I'm afraid I answered 5000 to this question: I may have to ban myself from
watching the programme. The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator.
Q4 Nunu? Nana? Nene? Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.:lmao

Pig personality Quiz

FIRST, use a clean piece of paper.
On a blank piece of paper draw a pig.




Then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig
Draw your pig first




And don't look at the next part until you are done.
It won't be fun if you look first.































The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the artist.

If the pig is drawn:
1) Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
2) Toward the middle, you are a realist.
3) Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.

1) Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.)
2) Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates.
3) Facing front (looking at you), you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

1) With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
2) With few details, you are emotional and naive, you care little about details and are a risk taker.

1) With less than 4 legs showing, you are insecure or are living through a period of major change.
2) With 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.

1) The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. The bigger the better.

1) The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life! (Again, bigger is better...and what about those curls?!!)

[tiger50]

Painful is the Australian outback and going to the toilet. I go for a wonder to find a tree to take some leaves to wipe my butt. Take my pants off so I don't get messy. Squat down and do my bussiness and look out for monster ants. Reach behind and start to wipe my crack. The oil from the eucolyptus tree starts to sting my ring. Then turns into the burning ring of fire. I mean severe discomfort.I thought a scorpian bit my asshole. The nearest dam is about 500 metres {a third of a mile or something} away. So off I run with no pants and a burning ass screaming for help. Later my friend informed me that eucolptus trees are no good as toilet paper.

sorry I just had a flashback and wrote it down

opps this is the wrong page.. that was useful info

ur an aussie mate , u should know that..lol.... heyyyy :lmao :lmao :lmao

[tiger50]

I don't think Tiger uses a hole Foxx. They say in the country it's a waste of good fertiliser. As for the toilet paper I think he finds a tree and rubs up against it. They call it being one with nature!:sc

true, just lay it on the ground near the tomato plants, then a quick wipe with a thistle an ur dun... :lmao :lmao

[Cotties]

Where's your useless fact for the day?true, just lay it on the ground near the tomato plants, then a quick wipe with a thistle an ur dun... :lmao :lmao

[tiger50]

Where's your useless fact for the day?

Oh shitttt i forgot, am invoking thread rule #1....
havent got any tampon wrappers with me at the moment, thats where the most useless info comes from..... :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

[tiger50]

Arizona Crazy Laws


You may not have more than two dildos in a house.


Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.


When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.


Hunting camels is prohibited.


Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.


It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.


Glendale
Cars may not be driven in reverse.


Globe
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.


Hayden
If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.


Maricopa County
No more than six girls may live in any house.


Mesa
It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.


Mohave County
A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.


Nogales
An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.


Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.


Tucson
Women may not wear pants.


Tombstone
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

[Cotties]

Tiger I just love ya new avatar. Not!I thought looking at your skull was tuff enough

[tiger50]

Tiger I just love ya new avatar. Not!I thought looking at your skull was tuff enough

Right thats it mate, no more free piss for you.... :lmao

[Cotties]

I don't drink beer with men who have their pants around their ankles. The women hear might. Have you done any work today Tiger?

[tiger50]

work???? whats that..... ??????

[Norfolkdave]

Male bees die after mating with the queen bee. Their penises break off.

Studies show that if a cat falls off the 7th floor of a building, it has 30% less chance of surviving than one that falls from the 20th floor. This is because it supposedly takes around eight floors for a cat to realize what is happening, relax and correct itself.:lmao

[tiger50]

Male bees die after mating with the queen bee. Their penises break off.

:lmao
shitttt no more mating fo me, just in case.... :(

[tiger50]

I THOUGHT THIS WAS VERY INTERESTING. "Did you know"?




In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered
into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand



Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.





Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not,
you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and
lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.



Amzanig huh?



~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

[Cotties]

That's a good morning read
Thanks Tiger
The worlds youngest parents were 8 & 9 years old and lived in China in 1910.

Imagine their kids did the same, it would make them grandparents by the time they were 18

[tiger50]

That's a good morning read
Thanks Tiger
The worlds youngest parents were 8 & 9 years old and lived in China in 1910.

Imagine their kids did the same, it would make them grandparents by the time they were 18

shitttt didnt think it was possible at that age... :sc

[Norfolkdave]

Coma Patients Found With Maggots In Their Noses

Due to a housekeeping lapse at a Missouri hospital, two patients
in a coma had maggots growing in their noses. A storage area at
Kansas City's Veteran's hospital was not properly cleaned after
staff cuts in 1998.. At this time the hospital had to hire
exterminators to get rid of a massive infestation of mice.
Dead mice all over the hospital brought flies, which somehow
invaded the hospital's intensive care unit and laid eggs in the
noses of the two comatose patients.

[spare_change]

Male bees die after mating with the queen bee. Their penises break off.



This is EXACTLY why I quit screwing queen bees.

[Gfrog]

Coma Patients Found With Maggots In Their Noses

Due to a housekeeping lapse at a Missouri hospital, two patients
in a coma had maggots growing in their noses. A storage area at
Kansas City's Veteran's hospital was not properly cleaned after
staff cuts in 1998.. At this time the hospital had to hire
exterminators to get rid of a massive infestation of mice.
Dead mice all over the hospital brought flies, which somehow
invaded the hospital's intensive care unit and laid eggs in the
noses of the two comatose patients.


Oh that made my stomach turn this morning!! UGGGGGG poor people!!

[Zpanther]

This is EXACTLY why I quit screwing queen bees.

Uh....... looks like you didn't have much choice Spare.



if your penis broke off. :eek:

[tiger50]

Uh....... looks like you didn't have much choice Spare.



if your penis broke off. :eek:

Heyyyy he may have had a spare :lmao :lmao

[Cotties]

Canberra is the capital city of Australia

[tiger50]

Canberra is the capital city of Australia

Bravo mate , that is by far the most useless bit of information yet :lmao :lmao

[Cotties]

I hope this stat I read is incorrect

36% of Americans believe God has spoken to them directly

[tiger50]

lol, mmmm doesnt surprise me...

[Zpanther]

I hope this stat I read is incorrect

36% of Americans believe God has spoken to them directly

I'm sure it IS incorrect. It's hard to believe that God would only be speaking to 36% of us.

[sweetgapeach]

I'm sure it IS incorrect. It's hard to believe that God would only be speaking to 36% of us.


I am with you , got's to be more !!

[Cotties]

Maybe they didn't ask the minorities and the people who failed to donate money.I'm sure it IS incorrect. It's hard to believe that God would only be speaking to 36% of us.

[Zpanther]

I'm sure it IS incorrect. It's hard to believe that God would only be speaking to 36% of us.

The other 64% just haven't been listening.

[SirFox]

The other 64% just haven't been listening.

I need a hearing aid: I haven't heard Him say anything to me in a long time!

[tiger50]

I need a hearing aid: I haven't heard Him say anything to me in a long time!

U think Cocklea transplants will werk?????

[spare_change]

The other 64% just haven't been listening.


Bingo!

[Norfolkdave]

I'm sure it IS incorrect. It's hard to believe that God would only be speaking to 36% of us.

I would like to believe their is such a person, but with whats happening n the world, I find it so very hard to believe, perhaps Im the 1% who finds it hard to understand.

[sweetgapeach]

I would like to believe their is such a person, but with whats happening n the world, I find it so very hard to believe, perhaps Im the 1% who finds it hard to understand.


Just got to listen !!!

[Norfolkdave]

Just got to listen !!!

very difficult to bring me round very difficult.

[sweetgapeach]

(1) Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this
problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen
that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface
including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying
them.

(2) Our Constitution
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years and, hell, we're not using it anymore."

(3) Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

[Norfolkdave]

Brilliant Sweetgapeach, brilliant

[Sir_Dragon]

:55 Very well put sweet!

[SirFox]

Superb Georgia Peach.

[belfast]

Great one sweet.:55

[Norfolkdave]

Hurt Me
In America 11,000 people per year are injured while trying new and strange sexual positions.

[tiger50]

Hurt Me
In America 11,000 people per year are injured while trying new and strange sexual positions.

lol only in America.... :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

lol only in America.... :lmao

+ 1 in Australia:D

[tiger50]

+ 1 in Australia:D
heyyyyyy mate i may well resemble that remark.... mine are cricket injuries, not sex.... mmmm is there a difference???? :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

heyyyyyy mate i may well resemble that remark.... mine are cricket injuries, not sex.... mmmm is there a difference???? :lmao

Heh Heh Heh Iknow all leather balls hurt if hit wrongly, I used to play cricket in England.......Im only joking with you, you should know that:D

[tiger50]

Heh Heh Heh Iknow all leather balls hurt if hit wrongly, I used to play cricket in England.......Im only joking with you, you should know that:D

sure do know that mate.... fukkin hurts wen u miss and get hit in the nuts.... :(

[Norfolkdave]

sure do know that mate.... fukkin hurts wen u miss and get hit in the nuts.... :(

The old eyes water thats for sure:lf

[tiger50]

The old eyes water thats for sure:lf

yeh think we need padded knakker boxes... :sc

[Wet Beaver]

the dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"

[sweetgapeach]

the dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"


tittle, how cute !

[Wet Beaver]

tittle, how cute !

i always wonder what that was called....now i can sleep at night.....:D

[tiger50]

tittle, how cute !

yessss saw two tittles once, ond they were bloody cute... :lmao

[Wet Beaver]

http://www.geology.neab.net/minerals/cummingt.htm

[Cotties]

It's a lot more than 1% Dave. We just have to keep our voices quiet so others don't get upset.I would like to believe their is such a person, but with whats happening n the world, I find it so very hard to believe, perhaps Im the 1% who finds it hard to understand.

[tiger50]

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried
iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary
to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from
rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based
pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested
on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small
area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent
the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution
was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.
However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust
to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few
land lubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than
iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the
brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come
right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze
the balls off a brass monkey." (All this time, you thought that was an
improper _expression, didn't you.)

[Gfrog]

Lmao

[Cotties]

You're a wealth of useless info Tiger.In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried
iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary
to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from
rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based
pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested
on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small
area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent
the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution
was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.
However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust
to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few
land lubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than
iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the
brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come
right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze
the balls off a brass monkey." (All this time, you thought that was an
improper _expression, didn't you.)

[Norfolkdave]

You're a wealth of useless info Tiger.

Thats Tiger for yu, hes an aussie...LOL:D oops:lmao

[Cotties]

How are you this fine morning you dirty POM?


I don't know why but we just throw the dirty bit in for kicks.

Home time for me Dave..I hope you like my tits.
Thats Tiger for yu, hes an aussie...LOL:D oops:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

How are you this fine morning you dirty POM?


I don't know why but we just throw the dirty bit in for kicks.

Home time for me Dave..I hope you like my tits.

LOL like " Born Free" now " Hang Free"..................Im ok man you? its now only 9.11am here in Norfolk UK:wa:

[SirFox]

How are you this fine morning you dirty POM?


I don't know why but we just throw the dirty bit in for kicks.

Home time for me Dave..I hope you like my tits.

COTTIES: are those YOUR tits or those of your colleagues? Imagine the muscles of those breasts doing that.......

[tiger50]

Thats Tiger for yu, hes an aussie...LOL:D oops:lmao

Heyyyyy u guys pullin tha piss outa me????? awwwww f!!!ck... :nu

[tiger50]

You know when you have Bird Flu because you have an uncontrolable urge to shit on someones windshild.

[Wet Beaver]

You know when you have Bird Flu .


when you have avatar...that shows a flabby butt....

[Cotties]

They were my tits Ffox.. I had to get them removed because I couldn't think straight anymore. they were too hypnoticCOTTIES: are those YOUR tits or those of your colleagues? Imagine the muscles of those breasts doing that.......

[tiger50]

when you have avatar...that shows a flabby butt....
rite this means war....:nu

[Wet Beaver]

rite this means war....:nu


honey...i like ya...but don't go into battle....with your face hanging out....:kk

[Cotties]

She likes ya Tiger... your doing something right or she's lining you up for something...

if it's a battle I take 50 bucks on the beaver

honey...i like ya...but don't go into battle....with your face hanging out....:kk

[Sandy]

hey i'll take 50 one wb to. :na

[tiger50]

KKK give ya money to the roo,...

[Cotties]

where did ya put yours?KKK give ya money to the roo,...

[tiger50]

where did ya put yours?

on the roo mate.... hes standin in, i'm avvin a sikkie that day...:D

[tiger50]

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

[tiger50]

The Corporate Mind
Here is a look into the corporate mind that is very interesting, educational, historical, completely true, and hysterical all at the same time:
The US standard railroad gauge (width between the two rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions.
The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots first formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. Thus, we have the answer to the original question.
Now the twist to the story..............

There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges and horses' behinds. When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, the major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a Horse's Ass

[Zifnab]

I THOUGHT SO!!!! You have affirmed my long standing belief!
Thanks!:lmao

[tiger50]

I THOUGHT SO!!!! You have affirmed my long standing belief!
Thanks!:lmao

its cool mate am not takin u seriously... :lmao

[Zifnab]

its cool mate am not takin u seriously... :lmao
<heaves a HUGE sigh of relief>
Thats good to know!

[rebelxug]

In Michigan:

A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband.

It is illegal in Michigan to hitch a crocodile to a fire hydrant.

In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

[rebelxug]

In Alabama:

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

It is illegal to buy a bag of peanuts after sunset and before sunrise the next day in Alabama

[rebelxug]

In Arkansas:

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month...

Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."

[rebelxug]

In Arizona:

It is illegal to wear suspenders in Nogles.

[Zifnab]

He gave the company away to work on model trains. This foolish man was Joshua L. Cowen.

Cowen was your typical turn of the century inventor. Lots of ideas - some that worked, some that didn't.

His first major invention was intended to revolutionize photography. He designed a fuse to ignite magnesium powered flashes, but the invention was a dud.

His best customer for his fuses was the U. S. Navy. They didn't want to take pictures with his fuses, however. They bought 24,000 of them in 1898 to detonate underwater mines.

His next creation was the development of little metal tubes that were designed to illuminate flowers in their pots.

These illuminated flower pots were difficult to perfect (if he could have gotten them to dance to music, he would have earned a fortune). Cowen became bored with his flower pot lights and in 1898 gave the project away to one of his salesmen - some guy named Conrad Hubert. Hubert could care less about the lighted flower pots. Instead, he liked the device Cowen developed to operate them - a lightbulb and dry cell battery combination that had a 30 day life.

Hubert took Cowen's battery operated device and developed it into the flashlight. The company that Cowen gave away was named the American Eveready Company, and it earned Hubert nearly six million dollars in two decades (a large sum of money for the turn of the century). When Hubert died, he left behind a $15,000,000 estate, virtually all earned from Cowen's invention.

One would think that Cowen would feel like a real loser for giving an idea like Eveready batteries away for nothing, but he actually came up with a better idea that earned him even more money.

What I failed to mention was that the "L" in Joshua L. Cowen's name stood for Lionel - as in Lionel trains.

When Cowen gave away his flower pot light company, he turned his attention to these small electrical devices.

The first Lionel train that he produced was a flatbed car that ran on batteries.

He sold them as eye catching displays for shop windows. However, people quickly wanted them for their homes, particularly for under the Christmas tree.

By 1906, he had introduced the transformer and famous three rail track. In 1907, he introduced the first locomotive.

The rest is model train history.

[rebelxug]

In California:

In California, it is illegal to posses bear gall bladders.

In California, it is illegal to trip horses for entertainment.

In Blythe, California, a person must own two cows in order to legally wear cowboy boots in public.

In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap.

It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

In L.A. it is against the law to complain through the mail that a hotel has cockroaches, even if it is true.

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Blvd. at one time.

It is illegal to whistle for a lost canary before 7 am in Berkeley, CA.

San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.

In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in hexadecimal.

The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.

In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.

Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.

The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"

Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).

It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.

Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor" in Half-Moon Bay.

In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Peeling an orange in your hotel room is banned in California

[Zifnab]

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

And how are you supposed to stop THAT one?

[rebelxug]

And how are you supposed to stop THAT one?


Well lets see there are lots of calibers but i prefer the .357 ;)

[Wet Beaver]

Sex is like snow—you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it's going to last.

[belfast]

Especially if a man is giving you the details:lmao

Sex is like snow—you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it's going to last.

[Jy]

...except for you I'm sure, Irish...

[Wet Beaver]

...except for you I'm sure, Irish...

with belfast we know for sure how many inches(not many) and how long(quick)

[Zpanther]

Animals:

The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.

Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. A snail can sleep for 3 years. Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away. The male gypsy moth can smell the virgin female up to 1.8 miles away.


A pound of grasshoppers is three times as nutritious as a pound of beef.

Beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes.

Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off.

Swans are the only birds with a penis. A whale's penis is called a dork.

Cockroaches break wind every 15 minutes.

You can tell the sex of a turtle by the sound it makes, A male grunts, A female hisses.

An oyster can change it's sex a number of times during its life.

The male scorpion fly gets other males to bring him food by imitating a female fly

[belfast]

You been peeking :lmao



...except for you I'm sure, Irish...

[Wet Beaver]

emperor of what?? ice cream??

[Sunfiresix]

Beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes

I have only known ones that hold thier breath 2 maybe three mins, when they get excited they can't at all.

[belfast]

Ok now you let me secret out.but how do you know:lmao


with belfast we know for sure how many inches(not many) and how long(quick)

[Wet Beaver]

Ok now you let me secret out.but how do you know:lmao


women talk.......

[Sunfiresix]

women talk.......

That is a know fact Wet.:lmao:lmao

[Wet Beaver]

That is a know fact Wet.:lmao:lmao

then you better clue belfast to the fact....

[belfast]

Wow women talk about me..well as long as they are talking about me they are leaving others alone:D

women talk.......

[Wet Beaver]

Wow women talk about me..well as long as they are talking about me they are leaving others alone:D

honey....you only takes a sec...to talk about you.....longer for the laffs to stop.....:na

[Sunfiresix]

Come on Belfast you know Women Talk (too much)

[belfast]

I guess I had best get out of her while i am still alive ..your the best WB always enjoy your beatings :lmao


honey....you only takes a sec...to talk about you.....longer for the laffs to stop.....:na

[Wet Beaver]

I guees i had best get out of her while i am still alive ..your the best WB always enjoy your beatings :lmao



that because you enjoy them so much......:nu

[Zpanther]

People:

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them, burnt their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Cinderella's slippers were originally made out of fur. The story was changed in the 1600's by a translator.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

Francis Bacon died of hypothermia while trying to freeze a chicken by stuffing it with snow.

Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nicholas who brings presents to
children on New Year's Eve.

The first woman in Congress was Jeanette Rankin of Montana, in 1917.

[Sunfiresix]

Thats why I am in the trees, she can't get me here.

[Wet Beaver]

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.



The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.


The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

Under Lebanese law, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is expressly forbidden

[Sandy]

dang where do you guys find all this stuff ?

[Wet Beaver]

dang where do you guys find all this stuff ?


do you really want to know the secert??





































google.....

[Sandy]

awe thank you , sweetheart. :knuddel: :kk

[Zpanther]

The Asiatic Huns punished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were merely cut in two.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.!! The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". ...... The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

In Arizona keeping more than two dildos at home is prohibited. In Colorado there is a ban on kissing a woman who sleeps. In Connecticut, town Hartford, a man is forbidden from kissing his wife on Sunday.

In Minnesota sex with birds is strictly prohibited. (Trev should stay away from there... ya, you betcha!)

[Sandy]

lol i agree zpanther trev should stay away from there. :lmao

[Zpanther]

The practice of 'tag' has been prohibited in a school in Spokane, Washington. Apparently some children felt they were being 'victimized,' and not surpisingly a group of Psychologists agree. Apparently football is okay there...... but only in gym class. However, NO RUNNING is allowed.

[Sandy]

have you seen cnn today ? there saying that curious geoge is bad for the kids, can you believe that ?

[belfast]

And your soo good at it:na

that because you enjoy them so much......:nu

[Wet Beaver]

And your soo good at it:na

think we can try this next???? The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.:na

[Wet Beaver]

btw i am not calling ya a rapist...i just want to do it.....

[SirFox]

The practice of 'tag' has been prohibited in a school in Spokane, Washington. Apparently some children felt they were being 'victimized,' and not surpisingly a group of Psychologists agree. Apparently football is okay there...... but only in gym class. However, NO RUNNING is allowed.

PANTHER: Do you think that handshaking is allowed or is that construed to be too intimate a gesture or too violent?

[Zpanther]

PANTHER: Do you think that handshaking is allowed or is that construed to be too intimate a gesture or too violent?

hahahahaha....... probably both!

[tiger50]

A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

u know why trev????

[Trev]

A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

u know why trev????

My little secret.:D

[tiger50]

My little secret.:D

Awww come on mate , fess up...:D

[Trev]

Awww come on mate , fess up...:D

If I told you, you and Dave would have nothing to talk about. :D

[belfast]

:lmao Hell they talk about nothing all the time:lmao




If I told you, you and Dave would have nothing to talk about. :D

[tiger50]

:lmao Hell they talk about nothing all the time:lmao

heyyyyy we ave extemely inta..intalc...intalectural convasashioz all tha time:nu

[Trev]

heyyyyy we ave extemely inta..intalc...intalectural convasashioz all tha time:nu

after there drunk.:lmao

[belfast]

I never knew they drank until i saw them sober one day:D

after there drunk.:lmao

[tiger50]

after there drunk.:lmao

heyyyy watch it. am keepin nails on hand....:lmao :lmao :nu

[Norfolkdave]

The answer is I think.......because a duck has only a small brain.

Ducks don't quack near reflecting surfaces. You need a large reflecting surface, a mountain or building for the sound to reflect off. Maybe ducks don't hang around reflecting surfaces. But trev is again telling a porkie, because I have found this?

The myth
So a duck's quack certainly echoes around our reverberation chamber, so a duck's quack does echo. Which leads to the most interesting question, why did the myth arise? The are a few possible explanations that I can think of:
The quack does echo, but it is usually too quiet to hear. When you want to hear an echo, you usually make a very loud noise to make sure the reflection can be heard. But a duck quacks too quietly, so the reflection is too quiet to hear. :lmao

and that Trev was from the Salford England University of Manchester.......I award you Sir with the mystery prize..............Heh Heh Heh

[tiger50]

The answer is I think.......because a duck has only a small brain.

Ducks don't quack near reflecting surfaces. You need a large reflecting surface, a mountain or building for the sound to reflect off. Maybe ducks don't hang around reflecting surfaces. But trev is again telling a porkie, because I have found this?

The myth
So a duck's quack certainly echoes around our reverberation chamber, so a duck's quack does echo. Which leads to the most interesting question, why did the myth arise? The are a few possible explanations that I can think of:
The quack does echo, but it is usually too quiet to hear. When you want to hear an echo, you usually make a very loud noise to make sure the reflection can be heard. But a duck quacks too quietly, so the reflection is too quiet to hear. :lmao

and that Trev was from the Salford England University of Manchester.......I award you Sir with the mystery prize..............Heh Heh Heh

well done dave, bravo.... :55


a fac
did u know that:
A fac is a microscopic insect that travels across the bottom of the ocean with a butterfly net in one hand and a pickle jar in the other , and catches the bubbles off octopus farts and sells em on the black market for spitit levels.. an thats a fac....

[Norfolkdave]

well done dave, bravo.... :55


a fac
did u know that:
A fac is a microscopic insect that travels across the bottom of the ocean with a butterfly net in one hand and a pickle jar in the other , and catches the bubbles off octopus farts and sells em on the black market for spitit levels.. an thats a fac....

The one who sold be a bubble must have been pissed cos all my shelves are lopsided, the floor tiles at an angle, thats why we walk at an angle of 45degrees in this house:D

[tiger50]

The one who sold be a bubble must have been pissed cos all my shelves are lopsided, the floor tiles at an angle, thats why we walk at an angle of 45degrees in this house:D

lol gday mate, perhaps it was from a mutant octapussy..... :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

Gday my friend perhaps it was bloody thing, got to put it all left now so I can walk level, getting pissed off walking at angles, it certainly buggers up your love life:lmao LOLOLO

[tiger50]

Gday my friend perhaps it was bloody thing, got to put it all left now so I can walk level, getting pissed off walking at angles, it certainly buggers up your love life:lmao LOLOLO

lol either that or ya pithed mate....lol... :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

lol either that or ya pithed mate....lol... :lmao


Me Im never pithed, I always speak with old fork tounge:D the dribble stains down me shirt point to which way the bubble flowed.:lmao

[tiger50]

Me Im never pithed, I always speak with old fork tounge:D the dribble stains down me shirt point to which way the bubble flowed.:lmao

lol.. mmm hey shit mate, playin tamorra, fuckin gunna be bout 98 deg,... shitttt perhaps call in with an injury, so i just get to score an drink piss... :D

[Norfolkdave]

:lmao Hell they talk about nothing all the time:lmao

Your name is going down for the slashes cup without a doubt now:lmao

[Norfolkdave]

lol.. mmm hey shit mate, playin tamorra, fuckin gunna be bout 98 deg,... shitttt perhaps call in with an injury, so i just get to score an drink piss... :D

Firstly use him as a stump, and when you get bowled over ask the bowler to aim at the glass containing that Irish whippersnapper:lmao

[tiger50]

Firstly use him as a stump, and when you get bowled over ask the bowler to aim at the glass containing that Irish whippersnapper:lmao

takin tha kid wif me, i mite bat , then send im in ta field for me...lol....

[Norfolkdave]

And the fileding hand might slip..... and take this momento with you to serve after a game..
Do lemons have legs?
'Excuse me, landlord, but do lemons have legs?' asked Belfast

'I don't think so, why do you ask?'

'Well, I think I've squeezed your budgie into me gin!':lmao

[tiger50]

And the fileding hand might slip..... and take this momento with you to serve after a game..
Do lemons have legs?
'Excuse me, landlord, but do lemons have legs?' asked Belfast

'I don't think so, why do you ask?'

'Well, I think I've squeezed your budgie into me gin!':lmao

aww fark dave gimme a break.... the gut urts from larfin... :lmao :lmao

[tiger50]

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

[Sandy]

hey i didn't know that.

[Norfolkdave]

:lmao Hell they talk about nothing all the time:lmao

But it makes interesting reading though doesnt it!:D

[Sandy]

yes it does, some good laughs to. :D

[tiger50]

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

[tiger50]

Nothing in life is impossible,... except: Slamming a revolving door; Clapping with one hand; Striking a match against wet toilet paper; Swallowing while you're talking;

[Sandy]

lol keep them coming tiger. :lmao

[Zifnab]

I remember when I was a kid that you could catch fish in certain parts of the Sahara desert, wonder if thats still true....

[Trev]

30 Useless Facts

1. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the
western Pacific.

2. Blondes have more hair than dark haired people do.

3. Belgium is the only country that has never imposed censorship for
adult films.

4. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

5. Bees kill more people a year than sharks do.

6. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow film down so you
could see his moves.

7. A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child
inside.

8. Brazil is the only country to have played in every World Cup soccer
tournament.

9. Bulls are colorblind, it is the motion of the cape which angers them.

10. Babe Ruth kept a lettuce leaf under his hat to keep cool during a game.

11. Camels have three eyelids to pr otect themselves from blowing sand.

12. Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

13. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.

14. Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed and continue living.

15. China has more English speakers than the United States.

16. By age sixty, most people have lost half of their taste buds.

17. Cheese is the oldest of all man-made foods.

18. Before 1850, golf balls were made of leather and were stuffed with
feathers.

19. Bill Clinton is the only President ever to be elected twice without
ever receiving 50% of the popular vote. He had 43 percent in 1992 and 49
percent in 1996.

20. Children grow faster in the springtime.

21. By the time a child finishes elementary school she will have
witnessed 8,000 murders and 100,000 acts of violence on television.

22. A healthy human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.

23. Banana plants are the largest plants on earth without a woody stem.
They are actually giant herbs of the same family as lilies, orchids and
palms.

24. Casanova wore condoms made of linen.

25. A man and woman in Mexico city were engaged for 67 yrs and finally
married at the age of 82 yrs.

26. Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't
considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight
Simulator.

27. A Horse has 18 more bones than a Human.

28. Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man's chest in Omaha,
Nebraska.

29. Both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew cannabis sativa
(marijuana) on their plantations.

30. A kangaroo can jump up to 3 meters high and leap up to 8 meters

[Sandy]

cool trev, where did you find all that info ?

[Rainmaker]

thanks trev.....cool info

[SirFox]

TREV: I like your ....

4. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

Imagine what could be done with a 21 incher....
tongue.......on a woman,,...she might get slurped away in ecstasy. :lf

[belfast]

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN



Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,


naturally beautiful with fertile soil.







Between 23 and 33, a woman is like Canada, well developed and open to trade,


especially for someone with cash.







Between 33 and 43, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed, and convinced


of her own beauty.







Between 43 and 50, a woman is like France, gently aging but still warm


and a desirable place to visit.







Between 51 and 59, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all


conquering past.







Between 60 and 65, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost the war and haunted


by past mistakes.







Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide and borders are now


unpatrolled.







After 70, she becomes Tibet. A mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....


only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge


visit there.







GEOGRAPHY OF MEN



Between 1 and 80, a man is like America - ruled by a Dick.

[Wet Beaver]

For two years, during the 1970s, Mattel marketed a doll called "Growing Up Skipper". Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.


http://www.dollreference.com/skipper_doll2.html

[Wet Beaver]

Americans consume 42 tons of Aspirin per day.

[sweetgapeach]

For two years, during the 1970s, Mattel marketed a doll called "Growing Up Skipper". Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.


http://www.dollreference.com/skipper_doll2.html



I dont remember that and I thought I had every Barbie . I even had some my Mom had when she was little . Thats kinda weird , I dont think I would have bought that for my Daugther lol

[Wet Beaver]

i was about 14 when it came out...so it might have been pass my barbie years.....

[Norfolkdave]

The Czech Republic drinks the highest number of beers per capita in the world. So far this year, the people of this country have drunk a total of:



407,819,874 litres of beer
That's an average of 187280.14 litres per hour or 52.02 per second, with every man, woman, and child each having drunk 40 litres.

What a wonderful country.

Hic Hic Hic Zif care to join me, tiger too.

[Wet Beaver]

check your great grand parents attics....


A single share of Coca-Cola stock, purchased in 1919, when the company went public, would have been worth $92,500 in 1997.

[Norfolkdave]

"I cannot imagine any condition which could cause this ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that."
- Capt. E. J. Smith of the Titanic, 1906.

[GeekMaster]

Just in case you wanted to know!

This Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't happen again until 3006! .

[Cotties]

I feel as though this is important. I'm not sure why....

Just in case you wanted to know!







This Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:


01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't happen again until 3006! .

[tess]

thanks Trev for the interesting info...got any more?

[Cotties]

If I was as close as you to the Czech Republic I would be there in a flash Dave......one day I'll get thereThe Czech Republic drinks the highest number of beers per capita in the world. So far this year, the people of this country have drunk a total of:



407,819,874 litres of beer
That's an average of 187280.14 litres per hour or 52.02 per second, with every man, woman, and child each having drunk 40 litres.

What a wonderful country.

Hic Hic Hic Zif care to join me, tiger too.

[Cotties]

O.K

useless info.............. I shattered 3 teeth on the weekend playing a contact sport...

and now they are cutting into my gums.. does anyone know where to get a mouth guard in Bangkok?

[sweetgapeach]

O.K

useless info.............. I shattered 3 teeth on the weekend playing a contact sport...

and now they are cutting into my gums.. does anyone know where to get a mouth guard in Bangkok?


You need a Dentist !!

[Norfolkdave]

An apple, onion, and potato all have the same taste. The differences in flavor are caused by their smell. To prove this - pinch your nose and take a bite from each. They will all taste sweet.

[tiger50]

mmm interesting dave....

the garfish has green bones..

[Cotties]

Garfield has no bones.

[tiger50]

Garfield has no bones.

how fukkin useless is that..lol... gday cotties.... :wa:

[Sandy]

neither does odie. :lmao













Garfield has no bones.