View Full Version : Helping kids survive
Do you have any ideas on how to help young children survive the initial shock of separation and divorce? I'm talking creative ideas here people.
OH I love your signature line..........
and I don't know. LOTS of hugs and LOTS of talk? I'll think on it kay?
I can't think of specifics.. and would depend on their age.. but just love them to pieces...
WandaRing
10-02-2008, 12:35 AM
Other then being as truthful as you can, and letting them know that it has nothing to do with them and the biggest one...parents getting along in front of them and no bad talking about each other in front of the children.
Letting them have input where they can and allowing them to express their worries and concerns.....
Han Solo
10-02-2008, 01:37 AM
Do you have any ideas on how to help young children survive the initial shock of separation and divorce? I'm talking creative ideas here people.
Not sure exactly how old your kids are, but I'm guessin there still pretty young......but the first thing that comes to mind to me on the initial shock is to take them somewhere special......maybe a long weekend to an amusement park where you can spend overnight somewhere, just you and the kids having fun together for an entire weekend away from the house......remind them that mom isn't going anywhere and is STILL mom........that might help sorta soften the initial shock by giving them fun, alone time at first........might give them a chance to see they will still do "family"things and open the doors for the more serious type talks about the realities of it.....least that's my first thought anyway:sc
Thank you Han! Exactly what I was looking for :kk
Han Solo
10-02-2008, 01:48 AM
Thank you Han! Exactly what I was looking for :kk
OK, well it's late and not many people are on...so don't go tellin anyone I gave a serious answer to something OK?? Thanks a heap;)
wouldn't dream of letting it get out that you're such a good guy! lol
fever
10-02-2008, 02:14 AM
Hey JB...I think it would help to know more, but I think Han is right. The most important thing is to let them know that they're loved, that they'll be cared for, that you are both going to put them first. I'd keep up with as many family traditions as you can. At the same time, start creating your own! Whether it's pizza and a movie on Tuesdays, dessert before dinner on Fridays, or a fishbowl of activities that anyone can add to that you pick from on Sundays...you need to balance routine and fun. And finally, just be there for them to listen!!! Good luck!!!
scoobertina
10-02-2008, 02:22 AM
Get them involved in something like the YMCA... a youth group... big brothers/big sisters... oh wait.. you said initial...
lots of hugs and kisses... plenty of time to talk... somewhere away from home... a vacation is not the place but a weekend away...
angelis
10-02-2008, 02:30 AM
I think routine is important, the less upheaval the better. If the kids have regular activities, try and stick to doing those on a weekly basis, and add in some new stuff too. Keep them busy and millions of cuddles never go amiss!!!:ok
woodsman8
10-02-2008, 08:19 AM
Children are more resilient then you think, they will adapt very fast as long as they know your love for them has nothing to do with what is going on between you and your other.
Catman354
10-02-2008, 02:41 PM
Do you have any ideas on how to help young children survive the initial shock of separation and divorce? I'm talking creative ideas here people.
Give them a constructive project that enables them to use thier know or perspective talents. Most kids lifelong talents blossom during trying times. I know through my darkest years as a teen-ager, I found talents I didn't even know I had. Hope that whoever it is that is going through this divorce keeps thier compass on true north during this trial.
scoobertina
10-02-2008, 03:02 PM
like everyone else said.... the undying love and support of both parents helps alot...
and really, my mom worked alot when I was young, big brothers/big sisters was a huge help... my brother needed someone he could turn to.. and I needed a friend.. but mom and dad need to take care of themselves as well... they need to make sure that they are well, if they are not the children will suffer thinking that they are making it worse because they are not happy, therefore making them more unhappy... see? and I think I answered something for me... I think... I hope... god I hope so...
Krystal
10-02-2008, 11:29 PM
Let them know, that under no circumstances is any of this their fault. Let them know that Mom and Dad still love each other, and that they still love the kids, but they just can't live together anymore. Let them know that you're still a family, you'll be living separately, but they can count on BOTH of you to be there when they need you. I'm not sure how old your kids are....but let them know you'll attend school functions with Dad....like AG said, don't talk shit about your spouse....and make sure he follows the same rules. He's still your kid's Dad, no matter what you feel.
Do not do what my mother did....after a fight with my father, she sat us down in the living room and said "Your father and I are getting divorced....who do you want to live with?" To a child, that explains NOTHING. That reassures NOTHING. My answer to her was "neither of you....you're both idiots." They ended up staying together, it was just a heated argument, but it makes a child feel awful, since the reason wasn't explained....and we were put smack in the middle of the argument like pawns. Make sure you're open and honest with your kids....reassure them that they had nothing to do with your decision.
Constance
10-02-2008, 11:43 PM
Jelly, no matter what age children are, they will feel the effect of their parents separating. The most you can do, is to reassure them that they are loved and that they have nothing to do with this. Explain things the best you can and if you and your husband can have a decent relationship, the children will handle things much better. You are a good mother and no child could ask for any better. I wish you luck with this and I hope that things go well for you.
airborne soldier
10-03-2008, 12:20 PM
Depending on the childs age will depend on how they will cope. One thing for sure the parents must never say anything bad about the other parent, this will only make it harder on the children. If the children are old enough have both parents sit down with the child/ren and explain in a way that they would understand....
fourisit
10-08-2008, 12:15 PM
I have a friend that just this weekend is going through this and when it all happened her husband brought the kids into it by telling them that the reason he had to leave was because there mother doesnt love him anymore. He is back home but just mopes around and mumbles and lays around. I have told him that he should not be pulling his kids into it and that he shouldnt make them carry the load with him.. It ticks me off that he is doing that to his kids. She is so mad at him any chance he had to fix things went out the window in that moment. He loves his kids but used them to get at there mother and it back fired on him big time.
rhumbline
10-08-2008, 12:19 PM
My only suggestions would be that you not bring it up until your 100% sure there is no hope to save th marriage. I would also suggest that you be very open, loving and honest when you tell them. Also, be prepared with answers to any of the hard questions that they may have. You don't want to fumble and say the wroing thing because you are not prepared for a question.
92115guy
10-08-2008, 12:51 PM
He loves his kids but used them to get at there mother and it back fired on him big time.
I dunno...if he truly loved his kids then he would not drag them into that. Kids are really fragile and that stuff has a huge impact on them. Like others here, my parents pulled that same crap and it helped to destroy my relationship with them and it had an impact on most of my relationships going forward.
I have a buddy who is going through similar and his ex is using his daughter against him. I pleaded with him to take the high road and to not give into that. I see it a lot though which is so unfortunate for the kids.
James
MarriedQt
10-08-2008, 02:13 PM
Talk to them about it and what divorce means. Tell them the exact reasons why you are divorcing and how things will work to keep the "family" intact. Ask them to be open and ask any questions they have......don't blame one another either.....just makes everyone hate everyone else. The children still need guidelines and support show them that both parents will give them this. Also it is good when BOTH parents have the exact same rules.....its hard to deal with kids that use the well mom/dad let us do that at their house.....you need to sit down as a family and discuss all the rules of both houses and try not to buy the children's love by spending money on them to become the "better" parent! If you have to vent about your ex spouse do it when your children are out of the house or write it down somewhere and keep it hiden from them.....if they hear you badmouth the ex they might start hating you or your ex.......its never a good thing. Ok I think I've rambled on long enough! Good luck and hope you all the best!
MarriedQt
10-08-2008, 02:13 PM
Talk to them about it and what divorce means. Tell them the exact reasons why you are divorcing and how things will work to keep the "family" intact. Ask them to be open and ask any questions they have......don't blame one another either.....just makes everyone hate everyone else. The children still need guidelines and support show them that both parents will give them this. Also it is good when BOTH parents have the exact same rules.....its hard to deal with kids that use the well mom/dad let us do that at their house.....you need to sit down as a family and discuss all the rules of both houses and try not to buy the children's love by spending money on them to become the "better" parent! If you have to vent about your ex spouse do it when your children are out of the house or write it down somewhere and keep it hiden from them.....if they hear you badmouth the ex they might start hating you or your ex.......its never a good thing. Ok I think I've rambled on long enough! Good luck and hope you all the best!
P.S
Talk to your children about the posibility of you or your spouse dating someone else.
If this does happen....don't ask a million and one questions about the other person....it just
puts the children in a bad place. Remind them that whoever your dating is not replacing Mom or Dad!!
kay1965
10-08-2008, 10:43 PM
It is hard to explain even regardless of age , I am going through this at this time , But I reassured my son who is 18.5 now and in college that me and his dad are going to remain freinds and just not happy together any more ,Has nothing to do with him and so far he is excepting the change , But I cannot imagine trying to explain to a child any less of this age it would be so very hard .
Huzyerdaddi
10-09-2008, 12:39 AM
Flashcards
JonJon62
10-09-2008, 08:06 AM
Divorce is hard on kids. The first thing that you have to admit to yourself is that it is going to hurt them. Their world is going to change ... maybe for the better or the worse. Be honest with yourself about this and talk with them about the changes.
I do like the earlier suggestion that you take them somewhere special to have the initial talk with them. This way they don't associate the crushing news with a place that is 'theirs'. Home should always feel safe.
Now many of the other suggestions are great as well,
Do :
1) Give them lots of love
2) Be honest with them about the fact that things are going to change.
3) Let them know that they had NOTHING to do with the divorce.
4) Try to show respect for their Dad (even if he doesn't deserve it). One thing I've found by watching my step-kids ... even if their dad is a scum-bag .. they need to find that out on their own, with very general guidance from you about what is right and wrong in life.
Don't
1) Put them in the middle
2) Ask them to choose sides
3) Put down their father
4) Try to 'win' their affection by changing who you are.
On a side note, I am very sorry that you are in this situation and that your kids are having to face this.
My thoughts/prayers are with you.
flagovertx
10-10-2008, 06:38 PM
Do you have any ideas on how to help young children survive the initial shock of separation and divorce? I'm talking creative ideas here people.
Giving as much time as possible with both parents.Children often feel like they will never see one parent ever again. Not fighting around the children,it only reminds them of the split.
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