"You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You"

[MrHyde]

Tell us those true and amazing stories about you.

[Torin]

I was in labor with my oldest son for almost 90 hours, with no pain meds, contractions 2 minutes apart. Ended up almost dying, and had an emergency c-section.

I wouldn't have EVER gotten pregnant again, but luckily we got a lil surprise! :)

[Brink]

You really want to encourage this? OK!

Two years ago, when my niece was 5, we’d arranged to look after her Sunday night, drop her off at school the following day, pick her up for tea, then take her home. Well, because I felt I wanted to spend more time with her, I took the giant liberty of not taking her to school, but taking her to the seaside instead. Of course, I knew her mum certainly would not approve, and quite rightly so, nor would my wife…or my boss, as it meant pulling a sickie. Really, in the entire world, the only people who would have been happy with it were my niece and I.

As I got things ready, I gave my niece my mobile phone so she could record herself playing with her puppets, telling a story with them. I got the mountain of stuff required, phoned our relevant parties – her school, my workplace – lied about our wellbeing, and off we went to have a great time together.

I arrived back in time to change her into her school uniform. Yep, I entered into a level of deceit and encouraged her to keep it a secret, too. Tut tut. At tea time, my wife didn’t rumble us, I even threw in a couple of questions about how her school had been. We took her back home, and I thought the hand over would go smoothly. This is the point were disaster struck and it went something like this:

“Uncle, can I show mummy my puppet film”
“Sure, honey, there you go”

My niece gathers everyone around and we peer down at my mobile. There’s my niece sat on the sofa, there’s the puppet sticking out of her hand, and there’s me pacing the background, telephone in one hand, kite in the other, telling Sir that she can’t come to school today because she’s got a terrible tummy ache!

[Huzyerdaddi]

Good story...glad it ended the way it did. I was getting worried when you start off talking about kidnapping your 5 yr old neice and then start talking about pulling sickies....whew

You really want to encourage this? OK!

Two years ago, when my niece was 5, we’d arranged to look after her Sunday night, drop her off at school the following day, pick her up for tea, then take her home. Well, because I felt I wanted to spend more time with her, I took the giant liberty of not taking her to school, but taking her to the seaside instead. Of course, I knew her mum certainly would not approve, and quite rightly so, nor would my wife…or my boss, as it meant pulling a sickie. Really, in the entire world, the only people who would have been happy with it were my niece and I.

As I got things ready, I gave my niece my mobile phone so she could record herself playing with her puppets, telling a story with them. I got the mountain of stuff required, phoned our relevant parties – her school, my workplace – lied about our wellbeing, and off we went to have a great time together.

I arrived back in time to change her into her school uniform. Yep, I entered into a level of deceit and encouraged her to keep it a secret, too. Tut tut. At tea time, my wife didn’t rumble us, I even threw in a couple of questions about how her school had been. We took her back home, and I thought the hand over would go smoothly. This is the point were disaster struck and it went something like this:

“Uncle, can I show mummy my puppet film”
“Sure, honey, there you go”

My niece gathers everyone around and we peer down at my mobile. There’s my niece sat on the sofa, there’s the puppet sticking out of her hand, and there’s me pacing the background, telephone in one hand, kite in the other, telling Sir that she can’t come to school today because she’s got a terrible tummy ache!

[Brink]

Good story...glad it ended the way it did. I was getting worried when you start off talking about kidnapping your 5 yr old neice and then start talking about pulling sickies....whew

LOL – in case nobody gathers, “pulling a sickie” is colloquial here for taking the day off work on the pretence of being ill. We call it “twagging” too, but I shudder to think what that may also mean to you!

[kissme]

I had bought a '98 mustang several years ago. I had it for a couple of years when I spilled coffee on the console and caused the gear shift indicator to quit working. My husband tore it apart to see if he could fix it. He came in the house with a strange look on his face and asked "Honey, have you been holding out on me?" I said, "ummmmmmm, no, why?". He had found a roll of cash hidden in there, all 20's. It was exactly $1000.00. Needless to say, we got a new driveway poured right after that.

[Lacey]

I gave birth to a 10lb baby....He fractured my ribs because he was so big...

[Brink]

Ok. I consider this thoroughly unbelievable…

I already offered some insight into the practical jokes we pull at work on another thread, but this was not a mere prank. After months of back and forth reprisals, some work colleagues decided to up the ante quite a lot, taking advantage of my gullibility with a cruel, heartless strike to some poor defenseless animals. Heh...that should get you reading.

A few years ago, the U.K. media whipped up a frenzy that bird flu was gonna destroy us all, never mind our beloved hens (I have a brood) and our wild birds. Avian flu was, apparently, sweeping across Western Europe and we were about to get hit from every direction. Over these days of National panic, little else was on my mind – I even paid the gardener to baby-sit my hens, get them indoors quickly if any news struck. During this ‘crisis’, I was ringing him every few hours for an update. My colleagues were assuring me I was worrying over nothing.

Often, we have VIPs visit the office, and it falls to me and another colleague to show them around. The roof of the building is not particularly high, but it shows some interesting perspectives of Central London, so we often finish the tour there. This day was typically murky, and drizzly…I pointed out the usual landmarks, and was about to lead them back inside, when my colleague called us over to the other side of the building - a closed off area with a narrow back alley, the roofs of smaller annexes below.

She pointed into the distance, her mouth agape. I could make out what looked like 20 dead pigeons lying dormant across one of the roofs; they had simply dropped where they stood. A feeling of foreboding was in the air. “What do you think killed them,” somebody asked. I was just dumbstruck. The roof was close to a busy pedestrian area and attracted a lot of pigeons. I have to say my heart sank. This is really it, I thought.

We went indoors, I shunted the VIPs out of the building, trying to appear calm; though I'd explained to them I had hens, thus, this was quite alarming! Soon, everyone in our small department knew, and went up to have a look. People shouted about Armageddon being upon us, they rang the bird flu hotline in (mock) hysteria, and we switched the news on! I tried ringing home. No answer. I tried my gardener’s mobile. No answer. I rang the neighbours. No answer. What the Hell was going on!! I left work at the first opportunity, drove home rather emotionally, but arrived to find the gardener had heard about the Bird Flu sweeping Britain, and had them all safely inside my air-tight metal bunker!

Well, clearly, this whole thing was contrived for my benefit – a colleague’s partner had borrowed the pigeons from a theatre props department, and they had planted them there earlier that morning. The conspiracy was maintained until late that evening, though why the media seemed unaware had long frustrated me. I was only informed because my wife couldn’t bare to see the hens cooped up for nothing.