Embarrassing Moments

[Norfolkdave]

Heh Heh Heh.
We've all had them - those truly hateful embarrassing moments, caught with your finger up your nose, or snooping through a medicine cabinet, sneezing all over a fellow passenger, or realizing you forgot to set the parking brake after your car rolls into a gully, or needing to wrap your jacket around your waist when your period unexpectedly started when you were wearing white pants.
Well whats yours.:wa:

[sex_kitten_4u]

when everything fell of the headboard when going hard at it :D

[Norfolkdave]

Went to the loo when out and caught myself in the zip.

[eroticjoy]

He had taken me to a great mexican restuarant for lunch. and we were in the car later talking ...kissing... acting like a couple of school kids...going further.. when i realized i should of never eaten a BEAN Burrieto...... you guessed it !!!!!

[sweetgapeach]

He had taken me to a great mexican restuarant for lunch. and we were in the car later talking ...kissing... acting like a couple of school kids...going further.. when i realized i should of never eaten a BEAN Burrieto...... you guessed it !!!!!

OMG !! Too funny !!:lmao

[tiger50]

Went to the loo when out and caught myself in the zip.

AWWWWWWWWWW f!!!!k that hurts... :cry:

[Norfolkdave]

Brought tears to the eyes and learned a different volcabulary very quick, even quicker when I had to dab TCP on the offending graze, I suddenly done a war dance, then believe me It rained.......LOL

[tiger50]

Brought tears to the eyes and learned a different volcabulary very quick, even quicker when I had to dab TCP on the offending graze, I suddenly done a war dance, then believe me It rained.......LOL

wow really, shit mate we will pay u to come over ere and zip the foreskin, create some rain...lol..... :lmao :lmao :lmao

[Norfolkdave]

wow really, shit mate we will pay u to come over ere and zip the foreskin, create some rain...lol..... :lmao :lmao :lmao

I wont be able to walk, talk, eat, drink and be merry:D

[Zpanther]

Had a neighbor I used to talk to occasionally over the backyard fence. A couple years went by and the creek near our property flooded. A lot of us were busy filling sandbags and had been talking most of the morning. We were joking with each other and I made several references to my neighbor 'Randy.' I noticed some of the guys were looking at me kind of funny. One of the guys finally looked at my neighbor and said, "What's the deal with him Tom? .... calling you Randy? Is there a story there?" My neighbor grinned and said, "Nah, he's been calling me 'Randy' for the last couple of years and I just never said anything."

[Sandy]

we went to the movies and saw a horror movie, i don't remember which one, i had one of those big drinks, and they play they scary part and something jumps out, i threw the drink backwards and it went all over the couple behind us, needless to say they were not happy when i said oopps i'm sorry. :D

[Barkiss]

Ok...this did not happen to me, but to one of the guys in my office two weekends ago...

He had been trying to get a date with a girl he sees every day during lunch. She had rejected him twice, because they worked in the same building, and felt it would be too awkward. Anyways...he stayed persistent... And she finally agreed to go out with him. So they planned on dinner and a movie on Friday night. Everything went great!! They had really hit if off and agreed to go out again the next weekend. Well all the next week, the flirting only intensified, until the sexual tension was strong. So the next Saturday night comes, and they decide to go to dinner and dancing. At dinner they go to a burger joint (he says that's what she was hungry for) and had 3 pitchers of beer. They then went dancing, and started drinking mixed drinks. Obviously feeling no pain, they get on the dance floor and start really getting the groove on...he said he felt they were going to get kicked out for their suggestive dancing. Well the dancing and drinks helped one thing lead to another until the two drunk daters went to go home. Both not feeling like they could drive, decided to sit in the car for a minute and wait it out. One thing lead to another, and all of a sudden he has "convinced" her to give him oral. He says it was like all of his dreams finally coming true, until he felt his stomach disagreeing with him. He says the car started spinning and before he could react, he had thrown up on the poor girl's head.

To further the embarrassment, he, for some unknown reason, decided to tell this story to me and another person. Well, we came up with the nickname Chili Dog, but gave another explanation for the nickname to the other guys in the office. Anyways, he really, really likes this girl, so he's trying to make it work. Still meeting her at lunch and even planned to go out last weekend. However, on Thursday of last week, while having lunch, one of the guys that didn't know the story, saw him at lunch and came to the table and asked her..."So you going out with the Chili dog again?".

[Sandy]

omg that is so funny, poor girl. :lmao

[sweetgapeach]

Ok...this did not happen to me, but to one of the guys in my office two weekends ago...

He had been trying to get a date with a girl he sees every day during lunch. She had rejected him twice, because they worked in the same building, and felt it would be too awkward. Anyways...he stayed persistent... And she finally agreed to go out with him. So they planned on dinner and a movie on Friday night. Everything went great!! They had really hit if off and agreed to go out again the next weekend. Well all the next week, the flirting only intensified, until the sexual tension was strong. So the next Saturday night comes, and they decide to go to dinner and dancing. At dinner they go to a burger joint (he says that's what she was hungry for) and had 3 pitchers of beer. They then went dancing, and started drinking mixed drinks. Obviously feeling no pain, they get on the dance floor and start really getting the groove on...he said he felt they were going to get kicked out for their suggestive dancing. Well the dancing and drinks helped one thing lead to another until the two drunk daters went to go home. Both not feeling like they could drive, decided to sit in the car for a minute and wait it out. One thing lead to another, and all of a sudden he has "convinced" her to give him oral. He says it was like all of his dreams finally coming true, until he felt his stomach disagreeing with him. He says the car started spinning and before he could react, he had thrown up on the poor girl's head.

To further the embarrassment, he, for some unknown reason, decided to tell this story to me and another person. Well, we came up with the nickname Chili Dog, but gave another explanation for the nickname to the other guys in the office. Anyways, he really, really likes this girl, so he's trying to make it work. Still meeting her at lunch and even planned to go out last weekend. However, on Thursday of last week, while having lunch, one of the guys that didn't know the story, saw him at lunch and came to the table and asked her..."So you going out with the Chili dog again?".








You got to be Kidding , Lmao

[sweetgapeach]

Ok I shouldn't tell this , because its not about me , but it is funny , and I would die if it ever happened to me . lol
Anyways,My Hubby was young when this happen . My Hubby told me that He was dating this girl for awhile and they were in the throws of passion , and He started oral on her. and He thought he was doing good , she was trembling and moving all around and he was going to town , And she farted right in his face ! He said he never moved so fast in his life , and He didnt go down on another girl for years after that it bothered him so bad. He broke up with her a week later.
I would have Died !!

[gnikeht]

Ok I shouldn't tell this , because its not about me , but it is funny , and I would die if it ever happened to me . lol
Anyways,My Hubby was young when this happen . My Hubby told me that He was dating this girl for awhile and they were in the throws of passion , and He started oral on her. and He thought he was doing good , she was trembling and moving all around and he was going to town , And she farted right in his face ! He said he never moved so fast in his life , and He didnt go down on another girl for years after that it bothered him so bad. He broke up with her a week later.
I would have Died !!

I really understand your husband it happened to me once...it was no fun...in fact never saw her again...either because her embarrasment or simply because I couldn't standit...

[gnikeht]

My biggest embarrasement ever is sex related. I had this girl (latter became my wife) we were friends since I can remember but after several years of lost contact we found each other and started going out. After several "dates" she let me go down on her (it was great) but nothing else. When I finally was able to have intercourse with her I just came in a single thrust. To this moment I can still remember her face...it was like all this time for this? Of course I later compensated for it... ;-)

[Frank_2525]

I bought my wife a Polaroid camera. I took a few pictures and it did not seem to work right. I was upset and took it back to the store. While I was making a dumb face and explaining my problem the girl behind the counter took my picture. It came out perfectly. My wife still has it and once every few years she finds it and reminds me how dumb I can be. :o

[Sandy]

:lmao i',m sorry but thats funny.

[cherokeered]

The bed collapsed while having sex....we hit the floor...laughed and then continued....still makes me smile....:lf :sex

[Suzy_Q]

My most embarrasing moment was when I went next door to my in-laws house to ask her something. she has alway told me to just come right in. but after this I started knocking everytime. I walked in the back door to go through the kitchen and as I entered the room I seen my father-n-law standing in front of the fridge with door open naked. I turned around really quick and walked out. I waited for awhile then and she came to the door and it was safe now that he had his clothes back on.

[G...G]

Saturday night when I went out, I had on a skirt and thongs and was pumping gas and the wind blew the back of my skirt up and the old man behind me said "Thanks"!!!

[jmc3367]

LUCKY BASTARD!!!!!!!




Saturday night when I went out, I had on a skirt and thongs and was pumping gas and the wind blew the back of my skirt up and the old man behind me said "Thanks"!!!

[Sandy]

:lmao been there girlfriend.














Saturday night when I went out, I had on a skirt and thongs and was pumping gas and the wind blew the back of my skirt up and the old man behind me said "Thanks"!!!

[Norfolkdave]

The bed collapsed while having sex....we hit the floor...laughed and then continued....still makes me smile....:lf :sex

No wonder Tiger aint here today:lmao

[jmc3367]

there's 5 damn gas stations that I can see from my office and I have never had the pleasure.....

[G...G]

I'll come over and get me some sweet tarts and wear that skirt!!!

Wouldn't want you to feel left out!!


there's 5 damn gas stations that I can see from my office and I have never had the pleasure.....

[Sandy]

we had a day bed, we were playing my son knocks on the door opens it ans says , oh geez, you moved the bed across the room, how did you do that, if your laying down ?

[Norfolkdave]

Catching your dick in your zip

[jmc3367]

:lf let me get out the big shop fan...



I'll come over and get me some sweet tarts and wear that skirt!!!

Wouldn't want you to feel left out!!

[G...G]

How about I just come and give you a private show? ;)



:lf let me get out the big shop fan...

[jmc3367]

I am in my seat waiting for the show to start




How about I just come and give you a private show? ;)

[G...G]

What you didn't enjoy the first one you got? ;)



I am in my seat waiting for the show to start

[jmc3367]

are you kidding, I want to see that one over and over. It's my favorite show of all time..




What you didn't enjoy the first one you got? ;)

[sweetgapeach]

Saturday night when I went out, I had on a skirt and thongs and was pumping gas and the wind blew the back of my skirt up and the old man behind me said "Thanks"!!!



Gosh !!! You just showing your ass again , Girl ~!~
And we missed it !!!:(

[jmc3367]

I was talking with a colleague of mine and,for those of you that don't know, I was going off on lawyers and lawsuits and the like. It was then brought to my attention that his son was a personell injury attorney and he himself had started his business by winning a lawsuit....it was bad

[Annie]

At the salon I work at, we have a high-end tanning bed in a tanning room in the front of the salon. This room has a section of "storefront" wondows with drapes, that on ocassion are opened. A client came in to use that bed and the front desk clerk did not tell the client about needing to close the drapes. Our salon sits on one of the busiest intersections in town, in a large strip mall. In order for the client, a young woman, to use this tanning bed she needed not only to take off her clothing, but stand there and apply lotion as well. It does take several minutes to get ready to use the tanning beds. The client was oblivious. The front desk clerk was oblivious. A crowd gathered... traffic slowed... horns beeped...


... Thank God I was off that day!

[DukesLady66]

when you're 18 yrs old and your b/f takes you parking, you have a new teddy on and messing around when a police flashlash comes in the window and when asked your b/f claims to not know you..not knowing this is a area prostitutes hang out...luckily my parents never found and and thank god my b/f then told the officer he was only joking....wanted to kill him and was so embarrassed!

[Sandy]

oh i would have killed him. :nu














when you're 18 yrs old and your b/f takes you parking, you have a new teddy on and messing around when a police flashlash comes in the window and when asked your b/f claims to not know you..not knowing this is a area prostitutes hang out...luckily my parents never found and and thank god my b/f then told the officer he was only joking....wanted to kill him and was so embarrassed!

[DukesLady66]

oh i would have killed him. :nu

see being a minister's daughter I didn't realize they wouldn't tell my folks due to I was 18..trust me scared the shit out of me til the police officer assured me my folks wouldn't..then beat the hell out of my b/f the whole way home..1 for denying me then 2 for not telling me we were at a park with hookers!:nu

[Sandy]

i don't blame you one bit hon.

[DukesLady66]

the days of being young..now you have to be discreet lol

[G...G]

Staying in a motel on the first floor and wondering up to the second floor to take a walk and getting lost... kinda embarrassing

[Norfolkdave]

Went to pay for something yesterday and didnt have my money in my wallet

[G...G]

LOL.. I've done that!! Went grocery shopping and got to the cashier to pay for it and didn't have check book, debit card or money!! :sc



Went to pay for something yesterday and didnt have my money in my wallet

[Sandy]

oh god so have i. lol had to drive all the way home, and go back and get them.

[Norfolkdave]

It happened to me yesterday I thought I put my money in my wallet to pay for my new glasses, got to the Opticians, had them fitted, So I said "whats the damages" he said £75, got the old wallet out, it was empty. oops felt a right idiot, so had to go to the bank. Panicked wondering where the money was, got home and hey presto sitting on the worktop.

[sweetgapeach]

LOL.. I've done that!! Went grocery shopping and got to the cashier to pay for it and didn't have check book, debit card or money!! :sc


And they look at you like your pulling something ..........I hate it

[Norfolkdave]

And they look at you like your pulling something ..........I hate it

lucky my wallet is at the back and not front then...LOl ( sorry couldnt resist that:D

[sweetgapeach]

lucky my wallet is at the back and not front then...LOl ( sorry couldnt resist that:D



LOL Silly !!

[Norfolkdave]

LOL Silly !!

I know LOL trying to crack a goodun but didnt work, LOL:D

[hoss]

i was the tin man in the wizard of oz in grade 9, i had just finished a brillant performance...the crowd gave a standing ovation...then, having my drama teacher pull me aside...thinking she was going to reap praise on me..she said very quielty in my ear..." please wear 2 pairs of underwear tommorow..your , ummm...private area was very noticable.".......

seems i had a raging erection through out the whole performance...:cry:

[Penny]

That is to funny :D

[hoss]

That is to funny :D


what made it worse was my parents in the front row....

but u gotta wonder...if i was that big in grade nine...what am i like now :sc

[Trev]

Leaving work one day, I had been wearing a back brace and didn't pay attention while taking if off that it was hooked to my pants. I pulled the brace down and down came my pants with a lady from work standing directly behind me.

[sweet]

Leaving work one day, I had been wearing a back brace and didn't pay attention while taking if off that it was hooked to my pants. I pulled the brace down and down came my pants with a lady from work standing directly behind me.

LOL what a sight to see! :D

[Zpanther]

Well one time my friend was being a smartass..... and daring me ..... and I held her down and was teasing her with a lit cigarette. Well somehow it slipped and burned her right tit. She accused me of doing it on purpose..... but I REALLY didn't. Surprisingly, she didn't get all that upset. She said she'd tell her husband she did it herself by accident and seemed to be sorta proud that she had a permanent rememberance of our encounter.

[jmc3367]

my work out room is beside my office and I was lifting and talking to myself for motivation when I walked into my office to find a customer waiting on me. she was nice about it but she had to pick on me a little. it was kinda funny

[sweetgapeach]

This happened to a girl at work Today and I was embrassed for her. But we had a meeting and it's in this dinky little room with crappy chairs , with the metal bottoms . Anyways we all go in there meeting is taking place, we have to get this papers and she wants us to sign them . Well the girl is a little big , nothing bad but she gets the papers and sits down and that chair hits the ground flat the metal just gives way lol
And I jump up help her up and start saying the metal was prolly rusted , they are crappy chairs lol. She thanks me when it is all done , but I felt bad for her. Some people just started laughing .

[Annie]

my work out room is beside my office and I was lifting and talking to myself for motivation when I walked into my office to find a customer waiting on me. she was nice about it but she had to pick on me a little. it was kinda funny

You're just lucky it wasn't Lena or me! We would have been taking pictures!!


... does that workout room have a window?

[SaltyLime]

hub and i were staying at his parents house a few days before we got married. we were in the downstairs rumpus room. there is a bar area behind the wall, but has a huge window area to serve drinks. so you can see everything in the room except a far corner. anyway, hub and i had dragged the mattress off the bed for noise. we were fully naked and i was on top. then my dad in law walks into the bar area which has a seperate door, he passes with an electricitian, oh, was so hard to act like nothing happened at the dinner table that night.

[Cotties]

good storyhub and i were staying at his parents house a few days before we got married. we were in the downstairs rumpus room. there is a bar area behind the wall, but has a huge window area to serve drinks. so you can see everything in the room except a far corner. anyway, hub and i had dragged the mattress off the bed for noise. we were fully naked and i was on top. then my dad in law walks into the bar area which has a seperate door, he passes with an electricitian, oh, was so hard to act like nothing happened at the dinner table that night.

[spare_change]

Three years ago, I testified before a subcommittee for the Senate. They had cameras, news reporters, the whole spread, there because, at the time, it was a political hot potato.

I was killer -- I was sharp -- I knew my stuff. I articulated by opinions, offered proofs that couldn't be dispelled. When I was done, I knew I had nailed it. That evening, when we reviewed the tape, I found out that I also had split my pants sometime before the meeting, and my ass was hanging out --- nicest white boxers you ever saw. I didn't make CNN.

[Cotties]

O.K ..I had this cool pair of jeans I'd had for 10 years but they had a rip in the crotch. I figured if I wore black boxers you wouldn't notice because they were black jeans. So off I go on my motorbike shopping I think.. I go out on the main road and think ..shit my dicks cold..did I piss myself a bit or is something wrong..but the traffics so thick I don't have time to check it out and it must be a wet patch or something..So finally I pull up at the lights between a bus and a car, look down and see my penis laying out on the cold petrol tank. It had gone between the buttons on my boxers and out the hole in my pants.. First I think holy shit I hope no one has noticed..then I look up at the bus windows to see about 10 people pointing and staring and lucky me...even laughing

[Misty]

O.K ..I had this cool pair of jeans I'd had for 10 years but they had a rip in the crotch. I figured if I wore black boxers you wouldn't notice because they were black jeans. So off I go on my motorbike shopping I think.. I go out on the main road and think ..shit my dicks cold..did I piss myself a bit or is something wrong..but the traffics so thick I don't have time to check it out and it must be a wet patch or something..So finally I pull up at the lights between a bus and a car, look down and see my penis laying out on the cold petrol tank. It had gone between the buttons on my boxers and out the hole in my pants.. First I think holy shit I hope no one has noticed..then I look up at the bus windows to see about 10 people pointing and staring and lucky me...even laughing

Whoa
a runaway dick? :whee: :whee:

[G...G]

:lmao :lmao




O.K ..I had this cool pair of jeans I'd had for 10 years but they had a rip in the crotch. I figured if I wore black boxers you wouldn't notice because they were black jeans. So off I go on my motorbike shopping I think.. I go out on the main road and think ..shit my dicks cold..did I piss myself a bit or is something wrong..but the traffics so thick I don't have time to check it out and it must be a wet patch or something..So finally I pull up at the lights between a bus and a car, look down and see my penis laying out on the cold petrol tank. It had gone between the buttons on my boxers and out the hole in my pants.. First I think holy shit I hope no one has noticed..then I look up at the bus windows to see about 10 people pointing and staring and lucky me...even laughing

[Sandy]

you know, your the only person i know that that could happen to them. :lmao













O.K ..I had this cool pair of jeans I'd had for 10 years but they had a rip in the crotch. I figured if I wore black boxers you wouldn't notice because they were black jeans. So off I go on my motorbike shopping I think.. I go out on the main road and think ..shit my dicks cold..did I piss myself a bit or is something wrong..but the traffics so thick I don't have time to check it out and it must be a wet patch or something..So finally I pull up at the lights between a bus and a car, look down and see my penis laying out on the cold petrol tank. It had gone between the buttons on my boxers and out the hole in my pants.. First I think holy shit I hope no one has noticed..then I look up at the bus windows to see about 10 people pointing and staring and lucky me...even laughing

[SaltyLime]

It had gone between the buttons on my boxers and out the hole in my pants.. First I think holy shit I hope no one has noticed..then I look up at the bus windows to see about 10 people pointing and staring and lucky me...even laughing

lol! lotta work for a view.

[yaser]

lol! lotta work for a view.Stop the work for a second to view of Cotties' stuff under his boxers

[spare_change]

So -- what were your embarassing moments? We have all had them ! You can tell us -- we'll never mention it!

[clueless32m]

I walked out of my bedroom in my old home naked as I usually do after taking a shower. Unbeknownst to me not only had my mother-in-law dropped by but also my two sister-in-laws. I walked right past all of them and continued to the kitchen to to get a drink, had my drink and returned to the bedroom to get dressed for work. Who drops by your house before 8 am anyway? Needless to say the in-laws have not "dropped by" again.

[OICurready4me]

I was in high school at the time and really feeling my oats when I decided to read some of my step dads penthouse magazines. I'm checking them out and flogging the dolphin when in walks my mom who stops in her tracks and says "what are you doing?" as I'm catching the head of my dick in the zipper. I said nothing and she left and it was never discussed again after that. That damn zipper did a hell of a job on my dick though. Bled like hell.

[plzrtng]

okay...maybe I am being way too honest here...but, without a doubt my most embarrassing moment came when I was 25. My mother and her sisters and brother were estranged because of a huge fight after their parents died. This meant that I had not seen my cousins since I was a wee lad. Well, when another relative got married all of us got together (reluctantly I guess) And guess what? A certain bartender at a place I frequented...and I frequented her also at times...winds up being my cousin. Well needless to say, we never shared this info with anyone. (Oh, and it did stop then)

[Penny]

plzrtng I bumped you up because u have been here a while but you need to post more ;)

[Michael77]

what was the most embarrassing moment of your life?

[UltimateNaneki]

well, I once told an australian friend that I could sleep with that accent!!

The works come out of my mouth before I could close it!

[Michael77]

mine was walking out of the bathroom bare assed naked and seeing my sister in law in the livingroom..she laughed of course..LOL

[tallasian74]

Hmmm... well not much in my life is embarrasing because I tend to just laugh it off and play along with the gag, thus allowing me not to feel embarrassed. However, I have kind of a sad and embarrassing story:

I had my first date when I was 13. I somehow got the guts to ask this girl out to a movie etc. etc. We ended up watching 'Made In Heaven' (Those of you over 30 may remember this minor chick flick starring Kelly McGillis of Top Gun fame.) Before the movie as the lights went down, I kinda attempted to put my arms around her and she cold shrugged me off. As the movie went on, I started kind of getting into it (It's actually a pretty good movie - recommended!) when she told me she was going to the bathroom. I actually didn't even notice that she hadn't come back until the movie was almost over. I went home alone kind of red with embarrassment, but neither of us mentioned it after that.

The only person I told was this friend/ mentor about what happened. The friend was very incensed but held it in for a while until one day in front of everyone he decided to call her out on her not so nice act. Somehow the discussion culminated with, "I mean if you're going to do something that shitty, why don't you just slap him in the face?" She walked over to me and promptly slapped me in the face. The private embarrassment turned into a very public humiliation at that point....

[pointofnoreturn]

Standing on bathtub holding shower curtain. Hubby and I going at it(yes years ago) and the shower rod came down. Me and hubby go boom Very hard hit...Laughed our heads off.

[living to Flirt]

Got busted relieving some tension by a friend.

[SexyCowgirl]

One time my husband and I were at a team roping, and we had a real long wait before we were up to rope again. Sooo, we decided to make good use of the free time and laid some blankets out in the tack section of the horse trailer and started going at it;)

Next thing we know, the door opens wide, and we have a crowd of guys watching us! My husband starts yellign shut the gosh darn door! And continues going at it like a dog in heat. Of course they didn't close the door.........
Eventually I yelled at them, and started throwing stuff over the hubbys back. I'm a pretty good aim, and after I heard a good yelp, the door shut:)

They still pick on us for that, good thing it was just our buddys, and no family that time!

[cherokeered]

Well, ok......



Was at work one day. Standing next to a friends desk, bent over to pick something up that had fallen.....farted in her face.
I was mortified....but neither of us said anything....:o

[Annie]

My husband was scanning some sports pictures on to a memory stick to create a screensaver for his boss. He brought it to work to show his boss and low and behold... there were those naked pictures of me that we lost oh so long ago!

[Milk]

He had taken me to a great mexican restuarant for lunch. and we were in the car later talking ...kissing... acting like a couple of school kids...going further.. when i realized i should of never eaten a BEAN Burrieto...... you guessed it !!!!!

I had a very similar situation recently. Very embarassing.

[WandaRing]

A friend of mine was in a bank waiting in a long line up. A lady and her young son were waiting impatiently in line ahead of her. The mother and child were arguing over something the boy wanted. The mother said, “No, you’re not having it!” The boy replies loudly, “If you don’t let me have it, I’m going to tell grandma that you were kissing daddy’s penis last night!” The lady red faced grabbed her son and ran out of the bank…:lmao

[onceamarine]

I was talking to a friend of mine at work one day, and we got on the topic of our Vice President. She is 56 years old and starting to look a little older. He said he still thinks she looks hot, but I said she didn't look so good anymore. I said she was hot when she was in shape, but now that she has gained a few too many pounds I didn't think she looked so hot anymore. Right then she walked around the corner and asked me how her looks had anything to do with doing my job. I almost died right then, and still can't believe she didn't fire me.

[mile high]

This story actually got me banned from the last place I last posted it (clearly too in-depth for a Bill Oddie fan club). So, I'll warn you now; this is number two in my all-time list of pathetic, embarrassing stunts I pulled while completely out of my head.

Owkay. I’ll get straight to the point - several years ago, while stifling through my then girlfriend’s handbag, looking for a light, I mysteriously found she had acquired a free sample of vaginal cleansing film from some unknown dealer.

Directions as I recall: "Insert the film into your vagina as shown. It will begin to dissolve immediately. Its long-lasting gentle fragrance and personal cleansers will keep your feeling fresh and clean. Be sure to make VCF Vaginal Cleansing Film part of your daily regimen. Active ingredient is Octoxynol-9”.

I was so taken by the novelty of this product, which until now I had no idea existed, that I decided to thoroughly examine all of its properties. This waywardness was intended to get the attention of my friends...really outrageous activities were always required to stir the smackheads out of their delirium.

My First thoughts: The vaginal film sounded like a silly concept. I mean, considering the structure of the vagina, I thought these bendy strips should really have been shaped like tampons…

Appearance: It had a bluish tinge - similar to a breath strip - only a little thicker, and also bigger. The instructions claimed it was fragile, but from handling it for a few minutes; it seemed pretty sturdy to me. It didn’t stretch much, but it was quite flexible. It was definitely scented - smelling a lot like baby powder.

Solubility: I placed a piece of the strip under running water, and it dissolved roughly as expected. It left a slightly tacky film on my fingers, and again seemed a lot like those breath strips. Nothing really surprising.

Taste: Not good. I put one end in my mouth, and couldn't get it out fast enough. If a girl used one of these, and you went down on her the same day, you’d want the Listerine handy. Roughly the equivalent of sucking on a bag of sawdust. Same drying effect and everything.

Anal: Ah, yeah, not sure why, but I stuck it up my rear end. “Try them in your ears,” they said. Well, I guess I thought that wasn't what science needed to know. (In case you’re wondering - a bit weird, a bit cool at first, but after a few minutes, not particularly unpleasant).

Now, the instructions specifically stated not to place one up your urinary tract, but nowhere did it mention this other orifice. So, to cause a moment of merriment, I decided to give their costumer call centre a ring (haha).

The phone call

Them: "Hello, Vaginal Cleansing Customer Service. How may we help you?"
Me: "Yes, I used a free sample of your Vaginal Cleansing Strips, and I ran into some difficulty."
Them: "I'll be glad to help you, ma'am. Is it a problem with the video, or the product itself?"
Me: "It's sir - I'm a man."
Them: "Oh,...well, our products are for women only. Are you phoning on behalf of your wife?"
Me: "Nah, I just, umm, thought it would be fun to experiment with them in front of my friends"
Them: "Eh?"
Me: "It's stuck."
Them: "In the package?"
Me: "No. In my passage"
Them: "Oh”
Me: "HURRY! I NEED A CRAP!!!!!!!!!

Then the line went dead.

[hoss]

This story actually got me banned from the last place I last posted it (clearly too in-depth for a Bill Oddie fan club). So, I'll warn you now; this is number two in my all-time list of pathetic, embarrassing stunts I pulled while completely out of my head.

Owkay. I’ll get straight to the point - several years ago, while stifling through my then girlfriend’s handbag, looking for a light, I mysteriously found she had acquired a free sample of vaginal cleansing film from some unknown dealer.

Directions as I recall: "Insert the film into your vagina as shown. It will begin to dissolve immediately. Its long-lasting gentle fragrance and personal cleansers will keep your feeling fresh and clean. Be sure to make VCF Vaginal Cleansing Film part of your daily regimen. Active ingredient is Octoxynol-9”.

I was so taken by the novelty of this product, which until now I had no idea existed, that I decided to thoroughly examine all of its properties. This waywardness was intended to get the attention of my friends...really outrageous activities were always required to stir the smackheads out of their delirium.

My First thoughts: The vaginal film sounded like a silly concept. I mean, considering the structure of the vagina, I thought these bendy strips should really have been shaped like tampons…

Appearance: It had a bluish tinge - similar to a breath strip - only a little thicker, and also bigger. The instructions claimed it was fragile, but from handling it for a few minutes; it seemed pretty sturdy to me. It didn’t stretch much, but it was quite flexible. It was definitely scented - smelling a lot like baby powder.

Solubility: I placed a piece of the strip under running water, and it dissolved roughly as expected. It left a slightly tacky film on my fingers, and again seemed a lot like those breath strips. Nothing really surprising.

Taste: Not good. I put one end in my mouth, and couldn't get it out fast enough. If a girl used one of these, and you went down on her the same day, you’d want the Listerine handy. Roughly the equivalent of sucking on a bag of sawdust. Same drying effect and everything.

Anal: Ah, yeah, not sure why, but I stuck it up my rear end. “Try them in your ears,” they said. Well, I guess I thought that wasn't what science needed to know. (In case you’re wondering - a bit weird, a bit cool at first, but after a few minutes, not particularly unpleasant).

Now, the instructions specifically stated not to place one up your urinary tract, but nowhere did it mention this other orifice. So, to cause a moment of merriment, I decided to give their costumer call centre a ring (haha).

The phone call

Them: "Hello, Vaginal Cleansing Customer Service. How may we help you?"
Me: "Yes, I used a free sample of your Vaginal Cleansing Strips, and I ran into some difficulty."
Them: "I'll be glad to help you, ma'am. Is it a problem with the video, or the product itself?"
Me: "It's sir - I'm a man."
Them: "Oh,...well, our products are for women only. Are you phoning on behalf of your wife?"
Me: "Nah, I just, umm, thought it would be fun to experiment with them in front of my friends"
Them: "Eh?"
Me: "It's stuck."
Them: "In the package?"
Me: "No. In my passage"
Them: "Oh”
Me: "HURRY! I NEED A CRAP!!!!!!!!!

Then the line went dead.

I'm going to be really blunt here ...your posts lately lead me to believe u want some kind of reaction from the members here rather than posting material that is thought provoking or will entice discussion among members here ...

I have already pulled one of your threads as it was in extremely poor taste ...Im going to leave this one here ,u wont get banned for it ....

[cheerymissy_34]

i got caught having sex at work..big NoNo....actually got fired because of it and had to think of a really good story to tell hubby..lol

[cherokeered]

This story actually got me banned from the last place I last posted it (clearly too in-depth for a Bill Oddie fan club). So, I'll warn you now; this is number two in my all-time list of pathetic, embarrassing stunts I pulled while completely out of my head.

Owkay. I’ll get straight to the point - several years ago, while stifling through my then girlfriend’s handbag, looking for a light, I mysteriously found she had acquired a free sample of vaginal cleansing film from some unknown dealer.

Directions as I recall: "Insert the film into your vagina as shown. It will begin to dissolve immediately. Its long-lasting gentle fragrance and personal cleansers will keep your feeling fresh and clean. Be sure to make VCF Vaginal Cleansing Film part of your daily regimen. Active ingredient is Octoxynol-9”.

I was so taken by the novelty of this product, which until now I had no idea existed, that I decided to thoroughly examine all of its properties. This waywardness was intended to get the attention of my friends...really outrageous activities were always required to stir the smackheads out of their delirium.

My First thoughts: The vaginal film sounded like a silly concept. I mean, considering the structure of the vagina, I thought these bendy strips should really have been shaped like tampons…

Appearance: It had a bluish tinge - similar to a breath strip - only a little thicker, and also bigger. The instructions claimed it was fragile, but from handling it for a few minutes; it seemed pretty sturdy to me. It didn’t stretch much, but it was quite flexible. It was definitely scented - smelling a lot like baby powder.

Solubility: I placed a piece of the strip under running water, and it dissolved roughly as expected. It left a slightly tacky film on my fingers, and again seemed a lot like those breath strips. Nothing really surprising.

Taste: Not good. I put one end in my mouth, and couldn't get it out fast enough. If a girl used one of these, and you went down on her the same day, you’d want the Listerine handy. Roughly the equivalent of sucking on a bag of sawdust. Same drying effect and everything.

Anal: Ah, yeah, not sure why, but I stuck it up my rear end. “Try them in your ears,” they said. Well, I guess I thought that wasn't what science needed to know. (In case you’re wondering - a bit weird, a bit cool at first, but after a few minutes, not particularly unpleasant).

Now, the instructions specifically stated not to place one up your urinary tract, but nowhere did it mention this other orifice. So, to cause a moment of merriment, I decided to give their costumer call centre a ring (haha).

The phone call

Them: "Hello, Vaginal Cleansing Customer Service. How may we help you?"
Me: "Yes, I used a free sample of your Vaginal Cleansing Strips, and I ran into some difficulty."
Them: "I'll be glad to help you, ma'am. Is it a problem with the video, or the product itself?"
Me: "It's sir - I'm a man."
Them: "Oh,...well, our products are for women only. Are you phoning on behalf of your wife?"
Me: "Nah, I just, umm, thought it would be fun to experiment with them in front of my friends"
Them: "Eh?"
Me: "It's stuck."
Them: "In the package?"
Me: "No. In my passage"
Them: "Oh”
Me: "HURRY! I NEED A CRAP!!!!!!!!!

Then the line went dead.


well it goes to show ya that a woman would know that something labeled "Vaginal" actually means for the vagina and not for anywhere else....as for the taste, well we know where the vagina is thank you...no need to worry about the taste...or the smell...
I did find this funny though...lol

[jman]

i got caught having sex at work..big NoNo....actually got fired because of it and had to think of a really good story to tell hubby..lol

Sounds like you were cummig and going at the same time

[mile high]

I'm going to be really blunt here ...your posts lately lead me to believe u want some kind of reaction from the members here rather than posting material that is thought provoking or will entice discussion among members here ...

I have already pulled one of your threads as it was in extremely poor taste ...Im going to leave this one here ,u wont get banned for it ....

Ok Hoss. I'll PM you later about it. If that's alright?

[hoss]

Ok Hoss. I'll PM you later about it. If that's alright?

doors always open ,that goes for u and everyone else .us mods never sleep....

[simplygrace]

I was at work and my period started got all over my dress. Lucklly i was wearing black and no one new. It horiffying.:(

[CuriousOne]

When i was 16 years-old i was invited to a college party. I offered my help with the drinks and they told me to handle the oj (orange juice) (They were making weird combinations) so when a really hot guy started to stare i asked would you like some OJ he said "No thank you, i rather get a BJ (blow job) as innocent as i was i said loudly at the moment the music stopped "What is a BJ????" You can all imagine the loud laughters after it.

[Jules1]

This happened last summer....I was loading my camera with the memory card and it got stuck. I couldn't get it out so I went on the back porch to find someone to help (we were having a party)....I announced in a very loud voice (without thinking first)...I need somoene who can help me get things out of very tight places....haha...everyone just kinda stopped and looked...someone did actually volunteer to help...and he was able to get it out!

[jimcr]

got up to get ready for work.. had a older lady coming in the morning to watch the kids while the wife was out... Thought i had gotten up early enough to unlock the front door so she could let herself in while i was getting ready... wrong as i made it to the door to unlock she was standing there and i was also and all i was wearing was my fruit of the looms... very embarassing

[jmsmith12345]

most embarrassing moment...I do have to say it was when I was have sex with my new girlfriend, and my old girlfriend walked in on us. My roommate at the time thought I wasn't home and said she could come by to get some of her things. Needless to say, getting caught with more than my hand in the cookie jar was a bit embarrassing, and the new girlfriend quickly became the next old girlfriend.

[Shawn]

I had a few to many( understatement) during a show one night....got someone to drive my ass home .. I finally get the dame door open and the wife kinda jokingly says.. looks like soeone drank a lil to much tonight.. i lied and replied.. I never drink while i work. I then went towards the bedroom and hit the side of the wall so hard i did a complete 360.... she gave me this look.. i just told her its a new dance move i am working on.

[jmsmith12345]

I'm going to be really blunt here ...your posts lately lead me to believe u want some kind of reaction from the members here rather than posting material that is thought provoking or will entice discussion among members here ...

I have already pulled one of your threads as it was in extremely poor taste ...Im going to leave this one here ,u wont get banned for it ....

---------------------------

I have a question...

Unless people complain, and they may have, why would a post be pulled? I thought this was an open forum and as long as no direct personal attack was made, or this was posted in "The Sanctuary" then all subjects, no matter how off the wall, are allowed.

Pulling posts seems like regulating, not moderating. IMHO

However, I am curious to know why this post would be pulled. It was a little off color, but still humorous in a twisted sort of way.

[Krystal]

I had a few to many( understatement) during a show one night....got someone to drive my ass home .. I finally get the dame door open and the wife kinda jokingly says.. looks like soeone drank a lil to much tonight.. i lied and replied.. I never drink while i work. I then went towards the bedroom and hit the side of the wall so hard i did a complete 360.... she gave me this look.. i just told her its a new dance move i am working on.

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

OMG, this had me cracking up!

[Shawn]

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

OMG, this had me cracking up!

I will have to tell you about the garden hose one sometime

[Krystal]

I will have to tell you about the garden hose one sometime

Is that even better than the Wall Slam Dance Remix? :D

[trausersnake]

First date with a new woman in my life. We go to this great place for dinner and all is great. I excuse myself to go to the mens room. After I finished draining the weasle, I washed my hands but failed to notice the top of the counter was FLOODED. Of course my lean into the sink region was my crotch. I stepped away in horror looking for an air dryer, nothing. I had to walk across a room full of patrons in a restaurant over to my new girl with a soaked crotch. OOps, I think I wet my pants!

[Shawn]

Is that even better than the Wall Slam Dance Remix? :D

Ok... so for the record I only drink when i DJ... I got home (this is right after we bought our house) my friend parked my Yukon up the street (no idea why) he left with his ride and i made my little walk home.... got to the front.. seen the garden hose.. and was like.. mmmmm cold water , thats what Shawn needs... so I crank the hoes and drink like a thirsty dog..... its only after i shut the hose off that i realize my house is the next one over. Yeah.. i tried my best to put the hose back... but i think they figured something was up the next morning.

[Krystal]

Ok... so for the record I only drink when i DJ... I got home (this is right after we bought our house) my friend parked my Yukon up the street (no idea why) he left with his ride and i made my little walk home.... got to the front.. seen the garden hose.. and was like.. mmmmm cold water , thats what Shawn needs... so I crank the hoes and drink like a thirsty dog..... its only after i shut the hose off that i realize my house is the next one over. Yeah.. i tried my best to put the hose back... but i think they figured something was up the next morning.

Hahahahaha....too funny. It's only water, they'll get over it.

My dad had a neighbor once that came home and left his keys sitting on top of his car when he went in the house. So my dad, being the prankster that he is....moved the car down the block to the other side of the street....then sat on the porch and waited for the guy to come back out to retrieve his keys. With friends like that.....

[Big O]

I was pushing empty bread trays up the ramp of my truck this morning when my partner (who was in the back of the truck) pulled them off of the roller which started to roll back down the ramp at me. I should have just stood there but I tried to jump over it and I fell backwards off of the ramp and onto the parking lot. I layed there in horror while my partner started cracking up. I realized that I was fine and I layed there on my back laughing.

[fourisit]

I was at my best friends house watching a movie. I got up from the couch to do something and when I came back into the room my spot was taken so I went to sit in the chair in the corner. For some reason I thought it was a recliner I am not sure why because I have sat in it before and well I guess my mind was somewhere else. I plopped into it and leaned back all in one motion and ended up flipping the chair backwards. I sat there with my feet in the air stuck in the corner of the room while everyone else just stared with there mouths open. After a few seconds for everyone to decide if they should laugh or not I was pulled up to a sitting postion. My husband was more concerned about wether I had hit the glass door then the fact that I hit my elbow on the fire place. Thankfully it was just my bestfriend and her family and mine so it wasnt to embarrassing.

[Alfa]

This is one of my favorite stories; it is not about me, but one of my two room mates in my single days and neither I nor my other roommate found out "the rest of the story" until ten years after it occurred.

What we saw:
Saturday morning 9:30am, my room mate and I are hanging in the living room reading the paper when our other room mate walks in with the clothes on that he was wearing Friday morning when we had last seen him. He looks briefly at us, looks around the living room and then trudges up to his bed where we never saw him until Sunday.

The rest of the story (in his words):
"I got done with work and went to the bar to treat the ladies. You know how it is. Anyway, I had one or six too many to drink but I was pretty sure I could drive home okay, so I got in the car and made it to our house. Wondered why you guys got a wild hair to actually redecorate for the first time since we had moved into the townhouse, but whatever. Staggered my way upstairs and collapsed into bed.

"Woke up with major cottonmouth so I headed downstairs to get a glass of water. As I made my way downstairs I noticed a 50-something year old man sitting in a chair that we didn't own next to other furniture that we didn't have. Pictures of the man's family were everywhere as I quickly realized that I was not in our townhouse. He just looked up at me with a very blank face.

"'I should go' I said; 'Yes, you should, but get dressed first' he said."

[MarriedQt]

This happened to a couple we knew a few years back......

We all went out to the bar together and the men were very wasted.....us women loaded them up in our vehicles and went home. We get a phone call in the am and my friend is laughing and telling me that her husband had gotten up sometime in the nite and had taken a piss in her underwear drawer.......actually pulled it open peed and closed it again. So she couldn't make brunch that am she had to wash all her undergarments.