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I wanted to prove my ability to speak in more complete thoughts than what is posted in the message boards, and a blog is probably the best place to do it. So enjoy my rants, raves, anecdotes, and philosophical ramblings. I hope you find them entertaining and interesting, and I hope they get you interested in me as a person.
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Her Story. . .Pt 1

Posted 05-29-2012 at 04:34 AM by CFCguy
She would have been 35 today. We most likely would have just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. She saw something in me that no one else saw. And drew a depressed, lost, and scared young man out of the shell he had encased himself in.

This is the story of Amber, and she was my fiancée for an hour.

I met her in early 2004 through some friends I knew through work. I can’t remember if it was January or February, what I do know is that it was the bar we always hung out at after bowling. Amber, at the time a freshly minted nurse working at a local hospital, met us there after her shift ended. We immediately hit it off. She was drawn to the angsty depressive charm I was so adept at giving off at that point in my life, and I was drawn to warm personality and quick wit. I’m not even sure what we talked about there at the bar, but I do know it ended with us exchanging phone numbers and me calling her to set up a date a few days later.

I do remember that our first date was the weekend before Valentines Day. I didn’t want to have a Valentines Day first date, nor did I really want to wait until after that day to set something up. I took her miniature golfing, then to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. She hadn’t seen it, and although I had seen it twice previously, I told a little white lie and said I hadn’t seen it either. Afterwards, we enjoyed an In’N’Out Burger together. The most memorable moments of that night were me nailing 2 freak holes –in-one and us spending over 4 hours, from 9 until 1:30, at In’N’Out. The staff had to ask us to leave because they were closing down.

The thing about the early 20s version of me was that it never was going to take too long to get through that charismatic outer layer and reveal the emotional shell that I had built around myself. This is where most of my relationships had ended in the past. But not with Amber, it was different. Instead of being pushed away by that, it drew her further in. That’s not to say that in the 11 months that we dated, I never frustrated the hell out of her, and pushed her to the edge of breaking up with me. I did that numerous times. But somehow, she kept coming back. She truly loved me, unconditionally. She wasn’t going to leave me, and if it took her until the end of our lives for her to break me free of my largely self-imposed emotional malaise, she was going to do it.

If there was one thing I was sure of at that time in my life, it was my love for her. As corny as it sounds, she completed me. She was everything I needed, and everything I wanted. So around Christmas time was when I made the decision in my head that I was going to ask her to marry me. I so I started saving up cash and bought the ring not long after the New Year. It was MLK weekend when I finally built up the nerve to ask her. I took her to her favorite restaurant, King’s Fish House. She had the salmon, I had the Mako. Right before we were going to leave is when I went down to one knee and popped the question. I remember the exact words I said too, because I had rehearsed my spiel about 50,000 times over that past week. Yet when it came down to it, the words escaped me. So I winged it.

I said: “I had a little spiel planned for you, but I fucking forgot it. The only part I remember from it was that I was going to tell you that I love you more than life itself, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So will you marry me?”

She smiled, broke into tears, and said yes. I remember I actually slipped the ring on before she said yes, and wondered for a split second if I had been a little too presumptuous in doing that. Some of the surrounding guests caught a glimpse of what was going on and applauded when we embraced. Our waitress brought us a complementary glass of champagne, which we finished fairly quickly before heading out.

Now, this had totally caught her by surprise and she hadn’t planned on spending the night. She worked the whole 3 12-hour shift deal at the hospital, and Sunday, Monday, Tuesday were the days she worked. We had also arrived in separate cars. So the plan was for her to go home, pick up her scrubs, come to my place and spend the night. So I drove home and waited for her there.

I figured it would take about 45 minutes for her to gather her scrubs, toiletries, and whatever else she needed and get back to my place. But an hour passed, and nothing. I called her. No answer. I waited another half hour before I called again. Once again, no answer. So I finally decided to drive to her house and make sure everything was alright.

I remember getting pissed because I had to go the long way around because the cops had set up a DUI checkpoint on the main drag between my place and hers. But when I finally got to her house, no one was there, not even her roommates. So I tried calling her yet again, no answer. So I figured she might have got caught in the traffic snarl the DUI checkpoint would have caused. From my side, coming from uphill, you can see it from a few miles away. But from her side, it would have been impossible to see it without getting caught up in it.

So I went home, half expecting to either receive a call from her or have her waiting in the driveway for me. But neither happened. This is when I started to really get worried. I called her again, and then again 5 minutes later, and again 2 minutes later, and again another 2 minutes later before finally answered the phone. But it wasn’t Amber who answered the phone.

“Are you calling for Amber, sir?” the female voice said, not even bothering with a greeting.

“Yes I am”

“Are you family?”

“I’m her fiancé”

“Ahh, ok. I suggest you come here to Loma Linda hospital immediately, sir. “

“Why? What? What the fuck happened?”

“She was in an automobile accident, sir. That’s all the information I can give you. I’d come up her as soon as you can.”

(continued in part 2 because the whole thing was too big to fit into one posting)
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