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* Continued from 4th post in the Empowerment.... thread *

He went on vacation with his family for 2 weeks so our time to speak to one another became severely limited. From around 10 hours a day of contact to barely 1/2 an hour here and there. Ordinarily I wouldve been fine with it but I was going through a particularly difficult, life altering chronic health problem and all I thought I needed was to be able to spend a bit more time speaking with him and having him continue making me feel as desired, important and loved as had been before the vacation.

I went into 'victim' mode, was on a bad narcotic pain medication that caused me to act out of character and with the thought that it was all too hard, I overdosed. I didn't just do it quietly though, I let him know what I was doing as I was doing it and severely freaking him out because he had no way of getting me help.

When I came out of the ICU I contacted him barely remembering that he knew anything about what I'd doneand just needing him to tell me he loved me and evrything was ok. Unfortunately I had kept him updated through almost the whole overdose until the point that I went into a coma. He couldn't contact me, couldn't contact anyone to see how I was. He assumed the worse. When I finally made contact with him and he knew I was ok he was relieved obviously but also very angry, frustrated and disappointed by what I'd done and what I'd put him through.
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Empowerment!! PART 3

Posted 08-29-2012 at 02:47 PM by oz_nymph.
I was then put on a nerve blocking medication that immediately caused me to become extremely hostile, aggressive, uncontrollable, severely depressed and suicidal. I put 'my love through it all over again. This time though hen I contacted him to let him know I was OK, i was met with silence. I tried evrything to get him to speak with me, left emails in all his accounts, a skype voice mail and copious yahoo messages begging him to forgive me.

I'd done it this time. I'd killed what we had completely. Its been a week today since the last overdose and although he hasn't deleted me he has not even given me so much as a 'hi'.

The first 4 days I was desperate, I was consantly thinking about how I could win him back, what I could say, how I could say it etc. I identified myself as the 'victim'. The 5th day however that changed. I had a more positive outlook on the whole thing. I had concluded that it was over, he will never forgive me, we will never be together and here was my perfect opportunity to really give my husband the 2nd chance he definitely deserved. Its Day 7 today and I havent tried to reach out to him in 3 days and I don't need to. He came to his own conclusion (albeit not with the whole story) and was obviously happy with the decision. Now I could do the same thing or continue pining after him, continue harrassing him, continue overanalysing and thinking of things I could say to make him go "Oh wow, yes I can't live without this woman' OR I could accept it as it was, get rid of the victim and replace her with a survivor that is totally ok with the decision he made.

Long story I know and I do apologize - but I'm extremely proud of myself. I didn't make a total fool out of myself, I didn't lower myself to name calling or trying to cause trouble with his family. I'M FEELING SO DAMN EMPOWERED and I love it!!!

Ok so I am sad it ended so badly. I would have loved to keep him as a friend and , he's an amazing guy and I'm sorry for what I put him through...... BUT I can live with that and it only took me pretty much 6 days to put the SURVIVOR approval stamp on this experience!
Total Comments 7


Caddidlehopper's Avatar
Thank you it was very moving
You are one very special woman I must say
Posted 08-29-2012 at 03:32 PM by Caddidlehopper Caddidlehopper is offline
light71's Avatar
Sounds like you've met a lot of challenges. Good for you! Keep on being strong.
Posted 08-29-2012 at 03:49 PM by light71 light71 is offline
oz_nymph.'s Avatar
Thanks Caddi I don't know about 'special', mindfully functioning perhaps

Your comment just re-inforces how wonderful I think you are honey xox
Posted 08-29-2012 at 11:55 PM by oz_nymph. oz_nymph. is offline
oz_nymph.'s Avatar
Yes I've had my fair share of downs of late, light, but the positives that are coming out of them are worth it. Thank you for your kind words and I will continue gaining strength I'm sure
Posted 08-29-2012 at 11:57 PM by oz_nymph. oz_nymph. is offline
calicple's Avatar
WOW!!!.... Sorry you had to go through this!! Glad you've found your inner strength and have moved forward in a positive state!!!
Posted 08-30-2012 at 12:41 PM by calicple calicple is offline
Jelly's Avatar
True empowerment comes when you can become happy within yourself by yourself ... That is something no man can ever give you. But when you are that strong .. That is when you will be able to give 100% to a relationship. I hope this for you ..
Posted 08-30-2012 at 01:15 PM by Jelly Jelly is offline
Confronting situations is very very hard but you found the strength. I hope this all ends up with you being happy.
Posted 09-05-2012 at 12:59 AM by alone70 alone70 is offline
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