Embracing the Weirdness

As others (hopefully), I often wonder why it is I continue to come here. To be sure, it is a community of fascinating people and I love to learn about others. And, if I have something to say about anything, there is almost certainly a thread somewhere (whether you want to hear it or not). But, unquestionably, there's more and I find myself constantly and deliberately trying to maintain identity and a comfort-zone.


Though it would be easy to treat this like some detached, faceless experience with no regard to anything but gratification of some self-centered motive, I don’t. I have this set of self-imposed “ethics” I try to follow when I come to the site. Obviously, respect always – presume nothing. Do not PM in chat unless PM’d (which usually comes from men!). Don’t read others’ conversations or snoop on relationships – not my style and none of my business. Try not to intrude on a posting chase. Would anyone know the difference? Just me.

You make connections – for an hour, a day, a week …. some intensely interesting but vanishing as quickly as they arose, some growing into an enjoyable friendship of banter and good wishes, some becoming heart thumpingly important and more enduring. Though it is far more the former than the latter for me, it doesn’t matter because each one makes me richer for the knowing.

Bottom line is I am pretty clueless about flirting. I am just a Y chromosome floating around making a bunch of smart ass remarks and occasionally sharing a few coherent thoughts. Hoping that maybe I have brought a smile or a laugh or even an occasional comfort to someone. Have I made mistakes? Yes, but they were never with the intention of becoming someone else’s “lesson learned”. And, contrary to popular belief, I am human and have wants that go wanting, exposing vulnerability despite my best attempts to conceal it.

So what is it? Am I looking for something or is it about something finding me? Is it just trying to be a part of something unique with some who may share the same feelings or circumstances or is it a strange vicarious path to achieving some happiness that’s missing? Is it an attempt to take the risk of friendship? A crush? A slut? A voyeur? A friend? A fool? In all likelihood, the answer is probably both “I don’t know” and “yes”.