For those of you who do not know me I have been married 21 yrs. A long time. In this amount of time I have found that I have come accustomed to feelings of guilt.
My husband is not the most secure person. I was naive and young when we married and was not the strong person I am today. I let him dictate to me. I allowed him to belittle me and tell me how stupid my interests were. Friends were never good enough, etc...
It is strange how you begin to second guess your every move and allow this garbage you have been fed to eat it's way into your brain like a worm in an apple.
U know the things you enjoy and the goals you have are normal but yet you ask yourself, "am I being unfair?"
I suppose it is like a disease. I can't believe I allowed it and to this day allow it, to a degree. I hate confrontation and hate the way it affects a family.
Family, I look at my son and pray he never treats women that way. I will personally kick his ass! And my daughters, they better not allow this to happen to them. I see my oldest with boyfriends and I don't think she will.
It is easy to say I am weak and I should leave. Maybe I am. I guess that is for me to determine and to work out myself and I have a feeling I will in due time.
What really intrigues me is how a person can be so oblivious to what they are doing. My husband thinks he loves tremendously and sees no faults.
Maybe someone will read this and know they are not alone, or maybe they will read it and think, that I am crazy!
My husband is not the most secure person. I was naive and young when we married and was not the strong person I am today. I let him dictate to me. I allowed him to belittle me and tell me how stupid my interests were. Friends were never good enough, etc...
It is strange how you begin to second guess your every move and allow this garbage you have been fed to eat it's way into your brain like a worm in an apple.
U know the things you enjoy and the goals you have are normal but yet you ask yourself, "am I being unfair?"
I suppose it is like a disease. I can't believe I allowed it and to this day allow it, to a degree. I hate confrontation and hate the way it affects a family.
Family, I look at my son and pray he never treats women that way. I will personally kick his ass! And my daughters, they better not allow this to happen to them. I see my oldest with boyfriends and I don't think she will.
It is easy to say I am weak and I should leave. Maybe I am. I guess that is for me to determine and to work out myself and I have a feeling I will in due time.
What really intrigues me is how a person can be so oblivious to what they are doing. My husband thinks he loves tremendously and sees no faults.
Maybe someone will read this and know they are not alone, or maybe they will read it and think, that I am crazy!
Left My Heart In.......
Yesterday was my birthday and I was told we could do whatever I wanted. I thought about it some and I wanted to do something different, something we had not done before, so I chose going to the San Francisco Zoo. My parents used to take me there when I was a little girl, it has probably been over 30 years since I had last been.
The day was perfect, sun shining, not at all cold, sky was clear. The City glistened from the bridge as we crossed. As we got closer to the zoo, those childhood memories began to creep back in. Riding bikes in Golden Gate Park, stopping at a little deli, each time we went, to get stuff for a picnic lunch on the beach. Very fond and warm memories for me, of course when I was younger, I had no idea how important those times would be for me later in life. How the memories would reach out and touch me.
To truly enjoy a city like this one, you have to be open minded, it is quite the cultural experience. I think whenever possible one should be exposed to the true ethnic smorgasbord that the city brings. All the smells, languages, fashion, art, music and let's not forget, food. I would love to spend a month just exploring what the city has to offer.
Beyond the memories and experiences that the city gives me, two of the most important people in my life are there in spirit. My mother and my father both had their ashes spread just near the Golden Gate. So, along with all the wonder and beauty the city brings, there is the warmth knowing when I visit, I am home. That is why my heart will always be in San Francisco.
The day was perfect, sun shining, not at all cold, sky was clear. The City glistened from the bridge as we crossed. As we got closer to the zoo, those childhood memories began to creep back in. Riding bikes in Golden Gate Park, stopping at a little deli, each time we went, to get stuff for a picnic lunch on the beach. Very fond and warm memories for me, of course when I was younger, I had no idea how important those times would be for me later in life. How the memories would reach out and touch me.
To truly enjoy a city like this one, you have to be open minded, it is quite the cultural experience. I think whenever possible one should be exposed to the true ethnic smorgasbord that the city brings. All the smells, languages, fashion, art, music and let's not forget, food. I would love to spend a month just exploring what the city has to offer.
Beyond the memories and experiences that the city gives me, two of the most important people in my life are there in spirit. My mother and my father both had their ashes spread just near the Golden Gate. So, along with all the wonder and beauty the city brings, there is the warmth knowing when I visit, I am home. That is why my heart will always be in San Francisco.
Total Comments 5
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SF is a unique and special city...and happy birthday!
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Posted 10-26-2009 at 09:57 PM by sdclubber
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SF is one of my favorite cities in the world for all the reasons you described and more. A very happy birthday to you my friend!! Hope it was as special as it should be.
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Posted 10-27-2009 at 10:13 AM by MomentOfPassion
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I agree with Passion. SF is oneof my favorite cities. I've been there several times & in all the areas I feel at home. I'm glad you had a nice birthday.
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Posted 10-30-2009 at 02:01 AM by Sneaky
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I would love to see SF... awww I am glad you had a good birthday g's
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Posted 10-30-2009 at 02:14 PM by scoobertina
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one of the best cities in the world. i miss it a ton. reading your post has renewed my ache for that city!
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Posted 11-07-2009 at 06:27 PM by tess806
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Recent Blog Entries by gdgrlgnbd
- Cream Corn (11-05-2009)
- Left My Heart In....... (10-26-2009)
- Bleeding Hearts (10-02-2009)
- This is MY vent (09-29-2009)
- If you were (inspired by the thread) (07-17-2009)
