Hosting an Orgy

So, I noticed the threesome and orgy threads the other day and was then watching the Contessa on the Food Network and the question came to mind …. How would I host an orgy?



Alright, I did not say this had to be a real possibility.

I’m thinking a good orgy requires significant and careful planning. Themes, food, beverages, male enhancement and endurance products …. The list is endless. And of course, planning requires execution which then reduces me to a Voyeur at best. But, desperate men-desperate measures, yadda, yadda, yadda. Besides, I have honed my voyeuristic skills quite well here, so I should be good to go.

Let’s see ….

Theme or no theme? I think you gotta have a theme. Think about those parties where nobody knows anybody and are left to themselves in starting a conversation – “Hi.” “Hi.” “I’m John.” “I’m Doe.” “Come here often?” “No.” <awkward silence> “Wanna f$%k?” “Ok.” Now, compare that to a theme – “Wow, hot costume!” “Thanks! Wanna f$%k?” “Oh yeah!” On the basis of mathematics alone, the cumulative time of those awkward silences alone demands a theme. Besides, without a little fun inserted into the party, who would want to come?

<pause for pun appreciation>

Ok, so theme it is. Now, guests. This shouldn’t be hard. 2:1 ratio of women to men? I mean, seriously, how many men would actually show up alone?

<crickets chirping>

Alright – free toy for the first 20 women. Men selected on basis of a questionnaire and picture review (and certainly not on first come – first serve basis).

Food and beverage. Well, there are some obvious “don’ts” here. Aside from the scents and tastes that are obvious objectives of the party, there are some that are just not appropriate (for both primary and secondary effects) - Broccoli, chili, beer – garlic in moderation is an exception given it’s an aphrodisiac. On the other hand, you don’t want to serve too much either – who wants to screw on a full stomach or deal with the performance reducing effects of inebriation? Maybe a little lobster or crab legs with drawn butter, savoring that rich, sweet taste lingering on your tongue, with a nice martini as you gaze intently over the rim as you slowly sip, finishing with a seductive lick of the lips ….

I stray.

Ambience and accessories. The theme should obviously dictate most of this, though there are some fundamentals -an array of festively colored and textured condoms, scented and flavored lotions, towels and wetnaps, rhythmic music and adult erotica, various restraints, more towels. Toys? Well, other than the invitational incentive above, I’m thinking it’s BYOT. Besides, I can only afford so much after decorations, food, beverages, 6 webcams with HD streaming, and a high quality printer for “instant memory” souvenirs.

<note to self - be cautious about candles unless you want scene reenactments from Body of Evidence - 9 1/2 weeks? ok, but stock the fridge>

Hmmm, maybe I could do this. Of course I would be busy filling condom bowls, taking pictures, replacing towels, gawking – but the potential deep and meaningful relationships I could make would be worth the sacrifice. May have to try this on my upcoming business trip. I can see the Craigslist ad now …. “M4MW – Orgy. Have room. Any and all welcome. Please?!?”.