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The Firsts

Posted 06-21-2011 at 11:30 PM by Sweet-Tee
Lately I have been thinking of the expression that the firsts are always the worst.. The first birthday after someone dies, the first Christmas, the first Fathers Day. I'm hating these firsts. In my sane times I know that death is part of life and it is natural. In my sane times I say yes, he was older, he lived a full life, this is what he wanted.... but it is the other times I am having a difficult time with. When I find a card signed by him and realize that will be the last signed card by him to his grandkids, when I think about fathers day and how he is not there, that dreaded "empty" chair. Maybe it is the unresolved issues I feel I have, the things that I never said, could not bring myself to say. I'm sure he knew... I'm sure he knows now... So what to do... what to do... Nothing to really do. Can't bring someone back, have to move forward. So I will put the first birthday behind me, the first fathers day, and try not to think about all the firsts that I will still have to endure, still have to go through, which will be even more difficult than the firsts I have already gone through.... I'm still hating these firsts....
Total Comments 10

Comments

Old
bryan3636's Avatar
It's tough, so tough. No doubt about it. What you're feeling is "normal" and that's a good thing. It will get easier with time but you have to mourn in your own way, in your own time. You'll do it! You're stronger than you realize!!!
Posted 06-22-2011 at 12:19 AM by bryan3636 bryan3636 is offline
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Apparition's Avatar
Oh hun..I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I also dread it myself. If you want to talk in depth, please feel free to contact me. Hugz
Posted 06-27-2011 at 12:16 AM by Apparition Apparition is offline
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Bfulover's Avatar
I could not have written a more exact message about me, and my Dad is still alive! I dread the day and it hasn't even happened
Posted 06-28-2011 at 12:17 AM by Bfulover Bfulover is offline
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TheKidatHeart's Avatar
I lost my mother 8 years ago, I was only 24, I still from time to time think about those firsts. Most recently, she never got to meet my kids, see them take their first steps, see their first signs (my mother was deaf). If you need a shoulder, I'd gladly lend you mine for while.
Posted 08-16-2011 at 02:25 AM by TheKidatHeart TheKidatHeart is offline
Old
I'm very, very sorry for your loss... I did not know your father, nor am I a father yet, but I can assure you that all the acts of Love you wish you could now profess to him are the same ones he would have liked to profess to you.

I hope you heal soon...
Posted 08-24-2011 at 12:37 AM by Insomniac00 Insomniac00 is offline
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SeanB's Avatar
Hi so it hasa been nearly 10 months since you posted this..how are you doing today?
Posted 04-19-2012 at 09:37 AM by SeanB SeanB is offline
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lover4mature's Avatar
I've lost both my parents and miss them dearly but they will always be with you in your heart and your memories.
Posted 09-16-2012 at 12:20 AM by lover4mature lover4mature is offline
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Biggle's Avatar
I know its been a while... and all the firsts, or most have passed, and even some seconds. Even after many years you will always miss him. But it does get easier.... hugs
Posted 09-02-2013 at 08:56 AM by Biggle Biggle is offline
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Alpheius's Avatar
I just commemorated the 9th year of my own father's passing.. your reminder of the 'first's brought a lump to my throat. It's still so hard sometimes, he comes back in my dreams and I feel so sad again when I wake.

I am sorry for your loss Sweet-Tee, all those years ago. I hope you remember him fondly and his memory brings a smile to your face.
Posted 06-27-2016 at 09:35 AM by Alpheius Alpheius is offline
Old
hikergeek's Avatar
Totally understand what you have been through. I lost my dad 3 years ago. Being around his things at my moms place or seeing his handiwork and wondering what he would say to me brings a tear without fail. And like Alpheius said, he even appears in dreams. Hopefully, its gotten easier for you. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
Posted 06-11-2017 at 10:19 PM by hikergeek hikergeek is offline
 
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