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For those of you who do not know me I have been married 21 yrs. A long time. In this amount of time I have found that I have come accustomed to feelings of guilt.

My husband is not the most secure person. I was naive and young when we married and was not the strong person I am today. I let him dictate to me. I allowed him to belittle me and tell me how stupid my interests were. Friends were never good enough, etc...

It is strange how you begin to second guess your every move and allow this garbage you have been fed to eat it's way into your brain like a worm in an apple.

U know the things you enjoy and the goals you have are normal but yet you ask yourself, "am I being unfair?"

I suppose it is like a disease. I can't believe I allowed it and to this day allow it, to a degree. I hate confrontation and hate the way it affects a family.

Family, I look at my son and pray he never treats women that way. I will personally kick his ass! And my daughters, they better not allow this to happen to them. I see my oldest with boyfriends and I don't think she will.

It is easy to say I am weak and I should leave. Maybe I am. I guess that is for me to determine and to work out myself and I have a feeling I will in due time.

What really intrigues me is how a person can be so oblivious to what they are doing. My husband thinks he loves tremendously and sees no faults.

Maybe someone will read this and know they are not alone, or maybe they will read it and think, that I am crazy!


Posted 04-10-2016 at 05:38 PM by gdgrl
Highway 50 approaching
Steep grade ahead
Still figuring it all out,
retirement, easy living,
blinking light diners, just down the road.

Pot holes, fatigue cracks, divided lanes,
All part of my travels.
Signs show on my weathered face,
pot holes of my soul.

Where is the road taking me?
Is my journey going to be smoother?
Will speed increase, bringing me to that
final destination
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Posted 05-05-2015 at 05:33 PM by gdgrl
First, thanks Jill for getting us to blog. I've always enjoyed reading the thoughts/perspectives of others. It takes a lot to get so personal.

I debated writing one myself. I tended to blog when I was down and then felt it shed a negative light on my charming image. lol As if it can be tarnished....

And sure, I'm human, I won't lie. I'd see no one commented and I'd be wondering what I did wrong. Why were some blogs more popular than others? Is there a blog clique I was
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Posted 09-28-2012 at 04:16 PM by gdgrl
Everyone who knows me well, knows I have cows. They are Milking Shorthorn cows and we milk a small handful, two times a day. Use the milk to feed the calves and we drink it as well.

We don't make a lot of money doing it, they are more pets than anything. Such wonderful creatures, very tame, all know their names and have great personalities.

I have my favorites, Kathy and Leela. Many of you have teased me about a picture I used to have up with myself and Leela. She's such
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This is MY vent

Posted 09-29-2009 at 06:31 PM by gdgrl
Updated 09-29-2009 at 06:35 PM by gdgrl (addition of thought)
Where to start? First off let me say, this is going to be semi depressing, so if you have a problem with that, it's ok to move on. I actually don't care if anyone responds or not. This, as I said, is for ME.

I mean what do you do when you have no one to tell your problems to? No shoulder to cry on? Lots of talking in your head and no way to get it out? This is not a pity post, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Whatever issues I am having, will eventually pass, if not...
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If you were (inspired by the thread)

Posted 07-17-2009 at 01:49 PM by gdgrl
If you were a penny,
I would put you in my pocket and

rub you for good luck.

If you were a phone,

I would cradle you in the
crook of my neck and
tell you my deepest thoughts.

If you were a locket,
I would place you on
a long, shiny strand of gold
where you would dangle between
my breasts where you would be
warm and safe always.

If you were a quilt
I would find tranquility in your
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