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We are where we are.

Posted 09-15-2012 at 05:09 AM by stu472004
Life, it's never easy is it? You meet someone, you fall in love with that person, you wish you had met years earlier because you feel so good together. And you talk about how your life's going to pan out.
Then things change....
She has a 'life changing' operation, loses loads of weight and her character changes. She gains confidence ( not that she was short of it anyway) and starts to reconnect with friends from her past.

Ok, I admit I'm boring and have very few friends, but that was NEVER an issue before her surgery, we were so good together, I loved her for who she was.
Now though she's so secretive I feel she's got to be having an affair, she denies it 100 percent, saying she's always preferred the company of men and that's the way it is.
It was actually her that registered me on here, so that I could make some new friends, she was probably just wishing I'd find someone, to give her a reason to split up.
I still love her, but she's just pushing me away, the dream is over....
Total Comments 7


hijiller's Avatar
very sorry to read your pain. i know someone who lost a lot of weight. it was life changing for him..even tho he was funny and bright, he was always the heavy one. now he is a new person on the outside, but also on the inside.
it may be that you remind her of the days when she was the fat girl. or that she can do things now she was unable to do before.

those weight loss surgery practices often have help groups for discuss issues like this. maybe that might be a start for you. good luck...
Posted 09-15-2012 at 09:30 AM by hijiller hijiller is offline
tink062570's Avatar
As a person who has dealt with weight issues and still are I know how hard things can be. It does give you free rights to screw with the ones you love, you have to know the boundaries. I am sorry you are going through this and hope that you find a way to find some happiness.
Posted 09-15-2012 at 02:12 PM by tink062570 tink062570 is offline
gdgrl's Avatar
If you were there for her before, she should be there for you now. I suppose we feel nothing has changed except for a pants size, but there are changes. People notice and treat you differently. Perhaps she's still adjusting to these differences.

Also, not that you don't feel justified, but be careful when assuming she's having an affair, you may be pushing her away with accusations.

If you're fit or wanting to get fit, suggest activities you can do together. Let her know you're still with her. Perhaps as hijiller suggested, some counseling would be good, for both of you. Good Luck!
Posted 09-15-2012 at 04:03 PM by gdgrl gdgrl is offline
ppl, the glass can feel much emptier than you suggest. What about this: wife gets sick, looses 30 lbs, gets even sicker and gains 50 lbs, spends life in bed, gets better and looses 50 lbs, still only somewhat attractive. Up and down, being in bed most of the time for years. No intimacy, no fun. Scary.

What would you do?

Be happy that somebody you love is doing better. Let her live. Tell her that you are happy that she has life, even when you feel left out. Lie about your feelings if you have to. This is her time to get a life.

It may not work out for you, but what else can you do?
Posted 09-16-2012 at 02:04 AM by anomaly10 anomaly10 is offline
Man that is total bs! That's enough to depress you, to anger you, and leave you bitter and sad and maybe even lonely are feeling it, but here's the good news....


Now is your chance to better yourself and make the most out of life. Stop focusing on her so much. Stop making her the center of your universe. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna be tough. But remember, it's you giving it this focus in the first place. If she can't respect what you have given her in the past, that is her demon that she will face down the road. Stop worrying whether or not she's cheating and start worrying about how you are gonna run your life in a positive and happier direction. Stop looking into the abyss and start looking to the sky, where endless possibilities reside.

Btw. I know its of little consequence right now, but even the tiniest of thoughts can go a long a way...don't feel isolated. You aren't alone.
Posted 09-16-2012 at 12:07 PM by smiplemann smiplemann is offline
stu472004's Avatar
Thank you everyone for your support, it really does mean a lot .
Posted 09-17-2012 at 06:06 PM by stu472004 stu472004 is offline
Simply_Suthern's Avatar
this made me cry. I feel your pain.
Posted 09-20-2012 at 06:58 PM by Simply_Suthern Simply_Suthern is offline
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