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More of my life.

Posted 08-27-2017 at 02:18 PM by flirtingenie
Updated 08-27-2017 at 04:29 PM by flirtingenie
After I got married I got pregnant and carry it for 8 months and lost it . The doctor said that something was wrong from the time I conceived it . Then in 1989 went through Arkansas adoption agency and God gave us a beautiful blond hair, blue baby boy . He was born in 1990 and his adoption paper was finally Dec. 23,1990 a wonderful Christmas gift from the judge.
Three years later I was blessed to carry full term a baby girl My life was completed .
As the years went by and my kids grew my son like a lot of young boy started hanging around kids in school unfortunately they like to drink and have parties. I am not knocking any one on here that drinks and have parties that is your business.
He grew up to six foot tall and most handsome young man even tho he drank and had parties he work hard . He move off in 2009 to go to a welding school.I thought that was the hardest part of being a mom and I felt the empty nest tugging at me , but I was so wrong.
Don't start getting thinking I didn't love my son and miss him very much because i did .

The next part of the chapter of my life is not a easy one so bare with me.
My son was going to a welding school and working too .Around 2011 My son was working two jobs and it was around this time I join this site and met Brak. No he didn't fill the emptiness of my son not being around but he listen to me and was there for me.

March 23,2012 became my worst night mare . We got a knock on he door around 5 in the morning the next day , some of my son friends were at the door telling us that my son was dead. My husband call the police where he was at to confirm it and my son was riding with one of his friends that been drinking and his friend was driving 80 miles up a blind hill , he pass a car saw another car coming toward him try to get back to his side of the road lost control and wrap my son around a tree and killed him instantly .
This mom heart just broke into little pieces. My son body was so mess up that they wouldn't let us see him to identify him.
I know how did we know for sure it was him.
I ask the funeral home to look on his chest and tell me what was on it . You see even tho he was adopted he was so proud to carry our last name that he had it tattoo on his chest. When the guy at the funeral home told me that the body in the casket was my son because of the tattoo I couldn't breathe . It took them a week to get him back to where i live from where he was at . March 30he was buried. My sweet Brak texts me at the funeral home right before it started to make sure I was okay .
April 28.2012 I had my first heart attack as I was throwing up I was texting Brak and he was begging me to go to the hospital . But I couldn't because my spouse kept saying i was having aximety attack and was going to be okay We went to see my daughter march in the band this was her last year in school . Yes she graduated in May 2012. I was still hurting , took tyenol and muscle relaxer and they didn't work. I had got to the stage i was throwing up and felt cold and clammy I knew I was in trouble but I too sick to dry my self to the hospital and he insisted we go to my mom 80 birthday party.
Well after the party one of my sister ask me if my heart was hurting and I told her no but my left arm was she was me to the hospital and the nurse took blood and my blood work on my heart was 212 I was immediately rush to Baptist Hospital there I had the second heart attack . April 30, one month from the time I buried my son I had a dye test done and the doctor found out that main artery on the out side of my heart was 100 percent block. I had a stint put in.
It been a long time before I could tell this story of my lift. I am thankful that Brak was with me the past year helping me to be able to move on with my life.
You see I shouldn't be here in but God had others plans. My daughter got married May 2013 and August 27, 2014 she gave me my first grand son . Who is three years old today . Sept 2016 she blessed me with a grand daughter. Now I know one reason God didn't take me on my grand babies needs their grandma.
I have been through a lot and could let this all make me bitter as hell but I choose to look for the good in others and to count my blessing for the privileged to be my son mom for 21 years . He would had been 20 July 2012. I am proud to be Brak babygirl the last five years.
After my son was killed I hated Christmas and Thanksgiving and me and my daughter cried every time we put up the tree. When my grandson was born he put the holiday spirit back into my heart.
I will closed the end of this chapter by saying I wish no one to have to go through what I did with my son. Loosing a child is one of the hardest thing in my life to do.
Total Comments 14


wayneypoo's Avatar
god has a plan for us all ,I'm sure he needs a wonderfull women like you here for quite some time to come x
Posted 08-27-2017 at 04:07 PM by wayneypoo wayneypoo is offline
hijiller's Avatar
You did it! A brave blog. So so sorry for your loss.

And that others may benefit from your experience, here is link to heart attack symptoms in women.
Posted 08-27-2017 at 04:20 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
flirtingenie's Avatar
Thank you Waynepoo and Hijiller . I appreciate your kind words.
Posted 08-27-2017 at 04:27 PM by flirtingenie flirtingenie is offline
DomesticDiva's Avatar
You are a strong beautiful woman who has been through so much and still have an amazing heart. Brak knew that and I'm glad you had each other. I'm sure he is smiling down on you watching you with those grandbabies
Posted 08-27-2017 at 08:58 PM by DomesticDiva DomesticDiva is offline
flirtingenie's Avatar
Thank you DomesticDiva. I am thankful that I had Brak in my life if it was only five years.
Posted 08-27-2017 at 09:01 PM by flirtingenie flirtingenie is offline
ByronBay's Avatar
oh man - you've been through so much. So sorry to hear this. But you are amazing too. You're still here and must have amazing inner strength that you can still appreciate the positive aspects of life - like your grandchildren. I sincerely hope that the next stage of your life is a lot more peaceful and you keep your beautiful attitude, despite everything you've been through.
Posted 08-28-2017 at 05:19 AM by ByronBay ByronBay is offline
flirtingenie's Avatar
Thank you BryonBay. My inner strength is the Lord. I lean on him. I am not trying to push my belief on any one but stating where my strength come from. I had a lot of people praying for me. According to the doctor I could and should had died that day but my mom , my sister's , aunt and cousins was all lifting me up in prayer.
Posted 08-28-2017 at 09:50 AM by flirtingenie flirtingenie is offline
gdgrl's Avatar
You're incredible FG, brak saw it and helped you see it too. You've got more strength than you might realize!
Posted 08-28-2017 at 02:47 PM by gdgrl gdgrl is offline
Just A Girl's Avatar
You are a fierce woman
I'm proud to know you
Posted 08-28-2017 at 09:00 PM by Just A Girl Just A Girl is offline
hikergeek's Avatar
You have had so much to deal with, a lesser person would have crumbled. You should feel good about yourself for being able to survive so much adversity. That's why it's good you are taking better care of yourself now.
Posted 08-31-2017 at 11:02 PM by hikergeek hikergeek is offline
flirtingenie's Avatar
Thank you dear . I wanted to crumbled several times but then thought about my grand babies and I know my son wouldn't want that. The last two weeks I have second guest my self on having my teeth pulled out. I have until Nov until my top denture and as my gums are healing and dealing with all the pain my self esteem has been very low lately .
Posted 09-01-2017 at 08:40 PM by flirtingenie flirtingenie is offline
What a time you've had Quite the strong willed woman you are..
Posted 01-03-2018 at 09:21 PM by leggy leggy is offline
Atrebla Rose's Avatar
My friend, ((((hugs))) for your losses. It takes great strength to pick yourself up! You my friend are the model of strength. keep being strong, and if you need a shoulder, mine is yours.
Posted 08-21-2018 at 10:43 PM by Atrebla Rose Atrebla Rose is offline
St. Jimmy's Avatar
I think you said it best with "count my blessing for the privileged to be my son mom for 21 years." I hope your grandson can now bring you the joy that you're missing.
Posted 08-24-2018 at 07:01 PM by St. Jimmy St. Jimmy is offline
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