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What's a Blog Anyway?

Posted 07-19-2016 at 11:22 PM by katydid
I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking about blogs. I look at the sheer number of blogs I've written (143 in case you can't bear to look) and I wonder if I've even said anything worth saying.

I suppose I sort of looked at a blog as a "Dear Diary" thing. Maybe people would read it, but most probably wouldn't unlock the key. At one point, I even locked down my blogs. They were still there, but just Tom and I could read them. Talk about pressure.

And, it dawned on me the things that we blog about. The deeper things. The things we are afraid to say out loud or in a post or maybe even privately to a friend. There is some security in numbers you know? Someone is bound to get what you are saying. And, the other security is that if 10 people read it and no one comments on it, maybe your life isn't such shit after all.

I reread one of my blogs today because my attorney needed to know when my dad actually died, but I didn't know. Because my brother had kept it from me for two whole weeks. He died on May 16th if you are interested. I found out on May 30th.

And, you know the thing about blogging is you can go back and read the same thing again and it can just floor you. I remember writing "And, it was okay if he died the way he wanted to die." That I didn't cry. But, I read it back to my attorney and thank god for email. Because I couldn't catch my breath.

I got to say goodbye and good luck to my mom. I got to tell my beloved Uncle that it was safe to leave. Did anyone say that to my dad? Did anyone say "It's okay. It'll be fine?" Knowing my brother I'm going to say no. And, those moments when my dad was dying for someone to just tell him it would be fine, maybe no one did.

I'm off the track already. What I meant to say about blogging is that you can say things like "my brother waited two weeks to tell me my dad was dead." And, where else could you say that? Where else can you say your mother didn't really love you as a child? Or, that someone tortured you on a daily basis as you grew up? Only here. I can cry silently to myself as I write here. But, if I talk, I'll sob. Because I'll see it in your eyes. Hear it in your voice.

I used to keep a "Dear Diary." It was pink with white pages and it had a lock on it. I didn't do much with it except profess my undying love for the same boy for six years and write bad poetry. Even my much loved Uncle said "I hope you get better than this." My mom unlocked it once. Yelled at me about being boy crazy about someone I knew from church for six years who never even kissed me. I couldn't have a diary after that.

But, journals once I was out of my mom's grasp. I begged my daughter one day that if I should die unexpectedly, she would immediately burn all five of my journals. She just amused me. She'd probably publish them.

But, this is different don't you think? Someone listens to you whether they like it or not. You can throw things on paper that you could never say in person. You're allowed, even begged, to be honestly yourself. Because pain is just pain. Sorrow is just sorrow. It's not any more or less than that. I think it is the acceptance of that which makes us human. How often is a man truly joyful? Especially compared to how often he is sad? Maybe we're all chasing after the wrong things.
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Comments

Old
OneFineDay's Avatar
Wow. 2 blogs per month since you started writing them in the Christmas time 5 1/2 years ago.. More than 20 posts per day since you have been joining almost 7 years ago, 55,550 in total as of today. And each of them offering another look into an amazing world, each post a peephole, each blog a window, some with clear and some with milky glass.

Why am I saying that in this comment ? Because I'm impressed, over and over again. By your thoughts, your style, the little pieces that are making up your world. Like a kid finding thousands of puzzle pieces already in the box and having assembled some hundred and getting more and more fascinated by the picture that is evolving I cannot stop looking for more that would fit together, maybe waiting for the delivery of more each day with the mail.

Like Alice in Wonderland I'm starting to live in the puzzle I am assembling. Not sure if the comparison fits, but it just sounded good when it crossed my mind this morning. And I hope noone will turn over the table where it is on, and that the puzzle will get more and more complete each day. And lead to a happy end, although it could never get really completed.

All the best wishes to you, producer of these puzzle pieces. Be strong, be happy and let me touch your heart sometimes like you are touching mine. Again and again ...
Posted 07-20-2016 at 02:10 AM by OneFineDay OneFineDay is offline
Old
88Runner88's Avatar
Maybe I should blog. I have so much to say and no one to say it to. I have been wanting to write things down for a long time, but have not managed so far. Certainly most of it would not fit into any thread in the forum, and I can see people open up here in a way I wish to. I guess I am scared people will think less of me or maybe it means I will have to admit things to myself. But I really have to tell someone even if no one listens but me.

I think I need to go back and read your old blogs.
Posted 07-20-2016 at 07:54 AM by 88Runner88 88Runner88 is offline
Old
katydid's Avatar
Well, I don't know that I would advise such rash behavior, but I do think that blogging is a way to talk to people when there is no one around to listen to you.

Write a blog about what you just said. Why does it scare you that others might judge you? I feel exactly the same way. The only difference between me and you is that I've stuck my neck out over 150 times and you're just starting.

Can't wait to read blog number 1.
Posted 07-28-2016 at 01:26 AM by katydid katydid is offline
Old
hikergeek's Avatar
I agree with what you say here. It's a bit cathartic to put down feelings that you would not otherwise express. I could never say out loud most of what I have put in my blog. It is good to someone else express a similar sentiment.

Thank you.
Posted 07-25-2017 at 10:23 PM by hikergeek hikergeek is offline
Old
Atrebla Rose's Avatar
Remarkable Woman, thank you for putting in words, that only my heart knows.
Posted 09-02-2018 at 09:04 PM by Atrebla Rose Atrebla Rose is offline
 
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