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Where Does Sorrow Live?

Posted 06-04-2016 at 07:35 PM by katydid
I should make all my blogs private. I may do that. Sometimes I just have to say things and they don't fit in "What Are You Thinking?" or "What Made You Smile Today?"

I said before my dad died, but what I didn't know until today was that he had died two weeks before my brother told me. It is not enough that I didn't have the chance to maybe whisper into his ear through the phone "I love you." It is also that I wouldn't have had the chance because two...
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My Psychiatrist Broke Up With Me

Posted 06-02-2016 at 10:13 AM by katydid
Updated 06-02-2016 at 10:16 AM by katydid
https://youtu.be/wpulStzGv4A

I have been having off and on recurring symptoms of my bipolar disorder for a few years now. It's always hard to decipher it. How much is the wretchedness of divorce, joblessness, near poverty. And, how much of it is biochemical warfare going on in your mind. It has been a rough time. And, I would say that the last year has easily been the hardest year of my life. And, I would say the last month has been the epic month of struggle for me. And,that...
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Forgotten Coffee Cups

Posted 06-02-2016 at 09:35 AM by katydid
I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass


I wonder if this might be my winter of discontent? Never mind that it is summer in the desert now, that the breezes play tricks with our minds making us think it is spring...
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'Night Dad

Posted 05-30-2016 at 06:43 PM by katydid
My dad died on Friday.

I didn't see him before he died. I didn't even say goodbye. His choice. I can't wrap my head around what I had done or said. Not done or said that made him angry enough to not want to see me one more time.

It is in these moments when I can't cry. The so few moments when I can't cry. I am not angry. It is more like I hope he had the death he wanted, needed to leave earth. If it meant I wasn't supposed to be there, it is okay.
...
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Mean Streets

Posted 05-13-2016 at 01:53 AM by katydid
When I was a very little girl, my parents were extremely religious. Southern Baptist through and through. We worshiped in barns, had real church "risings", tent revivals. Spoke in tongues, were overtaken by the Holy Spirit. I saw the vision of healing hands laid on twisted, tormented limbs, blind eyes. I was also in attendance to see Billy Graham on his Crusade through San Francisco. Now there were about 8 of us kids riding in the back of a truck camper hyped up on grape Kool Aid....
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