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The Friend Zone Paradox

Posted 05-07-2015 at 06:14 AM by artemis
Updated 05-07-2015 at 06:16 AM by artemis
So here's a pet peeve since I was 16. I never get the guy I really really really want. I'm always the "cute & fun" one.. Never the mysterious sultry, seductive person I imagine my alter ego should be... But my alter ego is a horny 19 yr old boy who maybe watches porn.. What I'm trying to say is... I always get lumped into the "friend zone". I've never seen a consistent "you are the hottest woman I've known artemis. Let's enact 50 shades of grey scenes!" Damn it why not?

So here are some scenarios that invariable happens... Who knows, you might have faced it too (Real life & this unreal Internet life)
Scenario 1: both A & B are good friends for years & then decide to get all sexual. The friendship is pretty much over at that point. But all it takes is one of the 2 to switch the sex thing around & move the ball to the "friend zone" & it's game, match & season is over!

Scenario 2: A & B get all flirty & pseudo-friendly.. In actuality they are horny. They get to some level of sexual intimacy & then one goes & moves the ball to the "friend zone"! Can't be more insulting to the person who got blue-balled!

Scenario 3: A is nuts about B or maybe just constantly horny & just needs sex & B seems like a good candidate. B moving an conversation to the "friend zone" makes it horrible & painful!

Scenario 4: A & B are in an intense relationship with heavy duty sex, etc, etc... The break up happens mutually but instead of letting it all be. One chooses to "talk" & moves it all to the "you are such a good friend"-zone. Recipe for all manner of hurt. Uhh

I can't think of any other scenarios just yet. So think about this "friend zone paradox" ... Makes you wonder about the definition of a friend & that thread about can you be friends after seeing the other person's "intimate bits"... I mean seriously... How many of you have thoughts any of this?

A limerick to end this complaining blog:

"You get screwed if you say something,
who knows if the "friend" might like it.
You are blue-balled if you say nothing,
Coz you're really thinking, "I wish I could suck it!

Thank you for reading (and I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes, I really couldn't ask our technical writing team to review my lovely theories!)
Total Comments 12


artemis's Avatar
And I am half-heartedly apologizing to my mystery men here, who pulled the "I really like you.We are such good friends & I don't want to end this friendship. But I can't shag you!"

I can't do the friend thing very well after that sentence. I'm not capable of that level of higher enlightenment. I'm always horny.
Posted 05-07-2015 at 06:30 AM by artemis artemis is offline
hijiller's Avatar
For every one of the sultry type there are thousands of us cute and fun types. The goal is to find the one who gets turned on by cute and fun. If it doesn't last romantically, that's fate. But the cute and fun types are hard to let go..they make such super friends. The sultry ones, after it's over, are dropped and run from like poison ivy.

Wondrous blog!
Posted 05-07-2015 at 12:27 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
Updated 05-07-2015 at 04:54 PM by hijiller
LOL! I have experienced all of those! I think it has to do with alwaus being horny; not everyone spends 97% of there life thinking "wonder if I can get him/her into bed".
Donyou want another friend? J/K! I just want to sleep with you!
Posted 05-07-2015 at 01:06 PM by SoCal guy SoCal guy is offline
artemis's Avatar
If sex doesn't happen believe me, one is always horny. Women are underestimated about their potential to be very horny. We are just better at hiding it. It's almost expected that women should not "want" more than a man. We may not have impaired blood flow to the genitals, I think it's more of a tummy ache type thing.
Friend zone sucks. And the situation of "I am here just to have sex!" sucks.
Women are complex beings: we like a mix. (I am generalizing women - maybe I should say "I") but then again... who doesn't want skill, good conversation & relevant attention? (Relevant as in at the appropriate situation)

I ramble on... as Robert Plant had said.
Posted 05-07-2015 at 01:24 PM by artemis artemis is offline
wayneypoo's Avatar
what a fun loving sexy women you are xx
Posted 05-07-2015 at 01:36 PM by wayneypoo wayneypoo is offline
artemis's Avatar
Jill asked me to put this back up..
I guess what I was trying to say is: the "friend zone" is a weird spot to put someone in after getting intimate... Not entirely respectful & if communication isn't good, it can be perceived as callous or patronizing in a sort of polite way...does it make sort of sense?

I think drawing a line well ahead of time is simpler I think rather than do a test run of sorts... Who knows really in the end... Such things are maybe 0.01% of our lives but somehow these things do affect people one way or another...

It's the same for men & women.
Posted 05-07-2015 at 04:58 PM by artemis artemis is offline
hijiller's Avatar
Your blog is so important, because many people who say it don't realize how it hurts. "I see you as a friend." FU

I am assuming you are talking about online relationships? Oh, sweet Arte, those are prickly pears.
Posted 05-07-2015 at 05:52 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
Updated 05-07-2015 at 05:56 PM by hijiller
artemis's Avatar
Not just online.. I've faced it lots of times.. Twice it was under "we are both lonely & maybe sex is a good idea" and I had clearly stated that it's just sex so let's not over think it... But... I got the "oh but I don't want to lose your friendship".. Which was weird too!

It's such a dumb situation anyway. Lose nice people, make fools of each other, assumptions, all with poor communication.
Posted 05-07-2015 at 06:25 PM by artemis artemis is offline
Iceburn's Avatar
But..but! have The Bee Gees!..and Celine Dion..if you ever feel like riding the other bus! How dare you complain!

Great rant Arte!
Posted 05-08-2015 at 03:20 AM by Iceburn Iceburn is offline
tink062570's Avatar
I agree the " friend zone " sucks ... I have lived in there for years .. Great blog
Posted 05-08-2015 at 08:57 PM by tink062570 tink062570 is offline
katydid's Avatar
One of my greatest loves of my life (I still go crazy if I speak his name~there you go) was of the great friend zone where I loved him unspeakably, but he didn't see what he wanted in me. He wanted friendship passionately, but no matter my romantic pursuits...he didn't budge. We were best of friends for years and then I got married. Was I imagining things when I heard sorrow, not joy, in his voice?
Posted 05-09-2015 at 06:58 PM by katydid katydid is offline
hikergeek's Avatar
I only had one relationship in college that might fit one of your scenarios. I was crazy about her but she only wanted to be friends. But eventually she got curious and started a sexual component. I struggled with the friends plus aspect because I wanted more and she didn't. But I did meet my spouse due to her (which seemed good at the time). And that helped me move on. Today we are still friends but at a much lower level (no more than a hug now).
Posted 05-10-2017 at 10:53 PM by hikergeek hikergeek is offline
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