Married And Flirting Chat

Go Back   Married And Flirting Chat > Blogs > CinnamonGirl

Rate this Entry

Hell

Posted 05-08-2012 at 08:45 PM by CinnamonGirl
Only my close friends and family know about my life. My trials and tribulations, my loves and heartbreaks, my ups and downs, my highs and lows. I have no desire to share my past with strangers or even casual acquaintances, it only causes them to look at me and feel differently about me. I will however, say this...I have been to hell (numerous times) and have returned with a strong gut feeling that I don't ever want to see it again. Hell is not a pretty place. It's dark, painful and lonely.
Last week I ventured across the lawn of hell, peeked in and decided I didn't want to stop and say hello to my old buddy. I walked on...
This week started with a burning attitude, a feeling of self pity that I seldom see. I fought against my internal demons and tried to raise my spirits. For two days now I've been battling my hell, holding back tears at inappropriate times. Wanting to scream so badly that my ribs ached from holding it in. Driving home from work, I finally let it out. I wept cleansing tears. The salty drops streamed down my cheeks and released the pressure on my damaged soul. Pulling into my driveway, I felt reborn, refreshed...actually smiling and laughing inside about how silly I must have looked driving down the busiest street to my house and how, thankfully, I didn't wash my contacts out and hit a tree. I turned the key in the lock and let myself in the back door, carrying a load of groceries...stepped on one of my husband's boots (I've told him a hundred times not to leave them in the landing) slipped and hit the floor with a THUMP. I sat there on the floor, blood gushing from one of my knees, pain shooting up from my ankle and I started to laugh. Now you may think this is all too odd...why on earth would this crazy woman be in pain and laughing. At that brief moment in time it all was so clear to me.
We never know what is going to happen next. One minute you can be crying, feeling the weight of the world on your back and the next minute you are sitting in a pool of blood not knowing what hit you. You can be flying high, enjoying life to its fullest one minute and the next minute you're shot down. The secret is resiliency, taking every moment as it comes and dealing with it the best you can. It took a physically painful fall to realize that my emotional pain was a passing phase, something I can and will deal with. Just as putting a bandage on my knee stopped the bleeding, a smile on my face will keep my hell at bay.
Total Comments 12

Comments

Old
pointofnoreturn's Avatar
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I hope your knee is ok, and that letting out the hurt alone in the car helped. I too use my car for relief, but I sit in silence while I drive so I can think.
Posted 05-08-2012 at 09:32 PM by pointofnoreturn pointofnoreturn is offline
Old
DomesticDiva's Avatar
Your blog strikes a chord as unfortunately I've visited hell in my past as well....You're absolutely right, you wrote eloquently....We shall just embrace our days with poise & grace....I hope your knee is getting better
Posted 05-08-2012 at 10:29 PM by DomesticDiva DomesticDiva is offline
Old
I love you more than my luggage, Thelma.

You know I'm here. You always are for me. Don't make me hide eggs around here for you. Mwah.
Posted 05-08-2012 at 10:42 PM by mgirl2011 mgirl2011 is offline
Old
orangemarmalade's Avatar
Great blog - puts things back into much needed perspective. Thanks
Posted 05-09-2012 at 02:51 AM by orangemarmalade orangemarmalade is offline
Old
bryan3636's Avatar
Well said, oh redheaded one....thank god you're not accident prone! (ducking)
Posted 05-09-2012 at 03:42 AM by bryan3636 bryan3636 is offline
Old
gdgrl's Avatar
I've experienced my own hell as well. You're right though, we can fight and win those demons. It's all in how we choose to react.

Thanks for sharing.
Posted 05-09-2012 at 01:01 PM by gdgrl gdgrl is offline
Old
hijiller's Avatar
great job describing the emotional video game we call life, both the heaven and the hell. Hope someone kissed your boo-boo..and your knee, too.
Posted 05-09-2012 at 02:03 PM by hijiller hijiller is offline
Old
disturbiagirl's Avatar
Yeah....I get it. Thank you for sharing
Posted 05-09-2012 at 02:13 PM by disturbiagirl disturbiagirl is offline
Old
CinnamonGirl's Avatar
Thanks for all your comments lovely ladies. You too Bryan, you're lucky you ducked btw. I wanted to add to this by saying the sun is shining today, the knee is just a minor cut with some insignificant bruising. Just goes to show you what a few moments of unburdening can do for your total outlook.
Posted 05-09-2012 at 03:59 PM by CinnamonGirl CinnamonGirl is offline
Old
daisyduck's Avatar
i to have been through my own hell, its how we continue that matters. thanks for the insight. there is always a rainbow at the end of the darkness
Posted 05-09-2012 at 04:14 PM by daisyduck daisyduck is offline
Old
katydid's Avatar
I loved this blog. Do you think it is illegal to cry and drive? Someone in here should probably find out. I like how resilient you are. I hope I find such resiliency in myself. And the optimism you seem to have.

You write one hell of a blog!
Posted 05-09-2012 at 09:35 PM by katydid katydid is offline
Old
It takes a lot of courage to talk about this...and a special person to recognize she has friends who care....We're here for you anytime you need a shoulder....
Posted 05-10-2012 at 09:55 AM by humbleknight humbleknight is offline
 
Recent Blog Entries by CinnamonGirl

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:54 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.