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Fear

Posted 12-02-2012 at 01:15 PM by katydid
I'm scared...

to death
shitless
out of my mind
numbingly
hopelessly

I know I should keep moving. Just keep moving. One foot in front of the other. The dryer caught on fire. Alright. Just spend all day at the laundromat. You don't have enough money. Make some. You don't have money for Christmas, talk to your kids. They aren't babies. Just do this. It's all you can do. Move. Change. Grow. Make it so you aren't afraid. Don't dream or hope or desire. Just live.

Don't fantasize. Don't wish. Don't make up a world that doesn't exist. Live in the one you made and in the meantime change it a little bit at a time. The things that do you no good, stay away from. The things that make you feel strong, stay close to. Just breathe.

Why didn't anyone teach me this? I don't KNOW. Who the fuck cares anymore. Just do it. His last text to me yesterday said "Your the worst mother I can imagine them having." But, he left them with me. He didn't rescue them. Because I'm not the worst possible mother. I'm not.

My kids love me. I don't wonder why. I know why. Because in all my life I've never loved anyone like them. Can I do this? Of course. I imagine I probably can. Because if anything trumps fear, love does.
Total Comments 2

Comments

Old
IL*flirt31's Avatar
Stay strong! You ARE a wonderful mother! Don't let any asshole tell you otherwise! Got it! GOOD!
Posted 12-04-2012 at 03:22 PM by IL*flirt31 IL*flirt31 is offline
Old
You obviously care and you care deeply. This makes you the best mother they could ever have. Never let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
Posted 12-12-2012 at 02:48 PM by Mayhem66 Mayhem66 is offline
 
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