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The in's and out's

Posted 07-21-2013 at 10:06 PM by anesdoc74
Well the first time I came to the site, I came here knowing that there were holes in relationships and feeling that I could find ways to fill those holes. The way I went about attempting make myself feel better actually just resulted in me feeling less everything in my life. Yes the pain and hurt and anger was less, but so was everything else. I became detached from nearly everyone and everything. I floated in and out of interactions with others never thinking about more than how I was feeling at the time. From this I did damage many nice people and left hurt feelings as I left my wake behind.

Eventually I realized I wasn’t happy and nobody around me was either. Those efforts to change how I felt and been successful in making a change. But it wasn’t for the positive. As I looked back it was like a path of destruction behind me with me standing sadly at the head as the author. Most of that destruction was unrepairable.

I came back here, cause I wanted to add some socialization to my life that I wasn’t getting enough. I thought I could come back and it would be here for me. Again I have met nice people, but I am coming to the realization that what I really want and need maybe not to be found in this place. People mainly come here with intentions and presumptions about others on here. And there, for the most part is no amount of honesty to change that. My most sincere desire was to make some genuine friends. But I am not sure that striving for nearly platonic relationships and friendships here works.


I fear that I may just have to leave the site behind, which saddens me since I have come here off and on for nearly 5 years.
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Myeyessmile. Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to be my real self. Just ... well that is all.

disturbiagirl. I don't argue with you that a week is not long. I am not new to the word of online forums. Just not sure what I really need or want is going to jive with why people really come here.
Posted 07-21-2013 at 11:13 PM by anesdoc74 anesdoc74 is offline
 
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