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My Psychiatrist Broke Up With Me

Posted 06-02-2016 at 09:13 AM by katydid
Updated 06-02-2016 at 09:16 AM by katydid

I have been having off and on recurring symptoms of my bipolar disorder for a few years now. It's always hard to decipher it. How much is the wretchedness of divorce, joblessness, near poverty. And, how much of it is biochemical warfare going on in your mind. It has been a rough time. And, I would say that the last year has easily been the hardest year of my life. And, I would say the last month has been the epic month of struggle for me. And,that is saying something.

I have seen a number of psychiatrists and psychologists over the past decade or so. None of them has really had much to contribute except to send me home with different shaped, colored tablets and capsules that require a timer to take appropriately. But, all of them have led me to believe with the right color code combination and lots of sleep, I would resume my until then "normal" life. That being working, sustaining my lifestyle, caring for my family. I don't know if I screwed up the color schematic or haven't slept enough, but failure is the word that comes to mind. But, I always believed it was possible, just elusive. That I could work for longer than six months without breaking down into some sort of mess. That I was doing something wrong. Missing something.

I was in an accident recently that left me with bouts of amnesia, perilously low amounts of oxygen which apparently effect your brain. I was visiting my doctor who I love dearly and he gently broke the news that he needed to refer me to another psychiatrist. I was flabbergasted and almost burst into tears. Why was he breaking up with me? Was there something now that even he after sixty years of practice had decided he couldn't work with?

He is a very easy going guy so he leaned back in his ergonomically designed chair, crossed his legs (I swear all he was missing was a pipe and tweed jacket) and leaned forward so I could not mistake he was talking to my daughter. "Katy, this facility is much better with paperwork dealing with, um, situations of your type." Well, now, my interest was piqued. "My type?" And, he said the words that had been rattling around in my head for nearly a decade. "I think it is time we consider that you can not be in the work force full time like we believed you would be."

My heart sank. There is no magical combination of pills, amount of sleep, perfect job (unless it is one that understands I can only work part-time for consistency's sake). There were words I never thought of in relation to me: disability, social security insurance, modifications in my work environment. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't think these are wrong things. I just never heard them applied to me before. I never imagined my life would be altered from 40 plus hour work weeks; difficult, concentrated work; steady employment.

I don't know what any of this means. Where to start asking questions. I don't want to just say "I'm disabled. I don't work in the workplace any longer or take care of my every day responsibilities." And, is that a ridiculous, obnoxious thing to say? That I want to work when I can, but have a back up plan better than 0$ when I can't?

Today I'm going to drag my already dying corpse from the wicked, evil month of May 2016 to the place my old boyfriend (and did I mention he is old?) has recommended I go to find a new doctor more suitable for filling out disability paperwork. And, in the meantime, can I suggest to all you who break up with those who rely on you for their mental well being that it might be nice to give a little warning. Like a year or so.

Oh, and by the way if you have any suggestions, advice or information for me, I would so very much appreciate it. And, while I love my pals from overseas, could you not rub it in my face how much better your social service system is than ours?
Total Comments 3


OneFineDay's Avatar
Posted 06-03-2016 at 03:11 PM by OneFineDay OneFineDay is offline
Katy, I'm thinking your doctor has done you a favor. Possibly, he is retiring soon and this was his way to let you go without you feeling attached. He could also be a jackass that showed his true colors after all this time. Anyways, back to you. Counseling as you know is important so start the interviewing process by looking into a few new doctors and then pic the one who fits you. Find something to ease your time while trying to get yourself healed. Go help at a homeless shelter or community assistance type program. However, if that makes you feel depressed then just get out of the house. Bike ride, kayak, walk, paint. Do remember that at your weakest points you are never alone, even if you feel that way. You are only alone when you allow yourself to be alone both mentally and physically. Wake up everyday because you are ALIVE and tell yourself bring it on. Katy, only you can stop becoming better at everything you do. You've come so far, don't give up even when you have no strength left.
Posted 06-03-2016 at 04:15 PM by 2muchfun73 2muchfun73 is offline
leggy's Avatar
My dear confidant..
Posted 04-07-2017 at 02:41 PM by leggy leggy is offline
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